S01.E01: Matchmaking

[Primetimer]

Do you, Previously.TV reader, take this 'social experiment' to be your off-season reality time-waster?

Read the story

[PityFree]

I do! *faints*

[Francesca007]

I will.

[bilgistic]

I haven't seen this yet, and darn you, Tara, for letting me know about these tour de force, award-winning shows lately (Marriage Boot Camp, Botched), but I was reminded of that one-off "reality" show from maybe ten(-plus?) years ago. I want to say it was called "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?" because I remember there being guff about the "groom" not being a fo'-reals millionaire, like, he had *barely a million bucks* in net worth, which is kind of like saying I have $387 net worth if you count cat toys.

Anyhoo, the "bride" also turned out to be a famewhore (shocking, really), doing the talk-show rounds, claiming that she was duped by the groom and the show, because who would ever suspect anything other than the complete up-and-up from a show that has you marrying a complete stranger. Seems like she also got plastic surgery, but that may memories of "The Swan" bleeding through.

There was *also* "Married by America", which didn't last long. I don't remember much, other than the viewers decided who married on the show.

So, yeah, this isn't new.

Edited July 10, 2014 by bilgistic

[aradia22]

 

As of this month, A&E has shuttered the former Biography Channel and rebranded it fyi (or, as its logo has it, "fyi," -- but I just can't with that terminal comma, SORRY). From what I can tell thus far, fyi's mandate is to bring to air vaguely informational reality programming of the sort that TLC has perfected over the past decade or so.

From the post. Oh, so that's what fyi is. I heard a Spotify ad for another one of their shows, Born to Style, and thought what in the hell is fyi? Do you expect me to know where to find it? Is it like Joseph Gordon Levitt's Hit Record on pivot? For God's sake, help me out, guys. How am I supposed to find these things? Biography was a little trashy but I liked being able to at least have a starting place to learn more about Humphrey Bogart or Yvonne de Carlo. Oh, well.

 

Anyway, I saw the episode on hulu and popped over here to see if there was a thread for it.

 

So my initial thoughts while watching the credits were... guys, I know dating sucks, but really? You're really just going to get married? You're going to opt for an arranged marriage because dating is too much effort for you? How are you going to handle marriage then? There must be a catch. These must be fake marriages. Like, there's a ceremony but no official documentation with the government. You don't test out marriage. That is what dating is for. That's why when you get married you hope that commitment is for life and when you date someone you know there's a chance you might split up.

 

Courtney. You are weird. Of course you can't find someone if you think a text or an email is an unacceptable way to get asked out. She didn't mention her policy on phone calls but she did say that she should get asked in person.

 

As someone who is currently dating, I'm going to say that the majority of strangers you go out with are not going to be a match for you. It's not like there's this magical way you're going to make a relationship work. It's not like you're giving up on things because they're not perfect. No, if you take a chance on a date only knowing a few details about a person, most of the time you're going to learn you're incompatible. 

 

Hoping they find a great match in a random group of 50 people is ridiculous. Really the one thing uniting these people is their willingness to at least entertain the idea of being on a reality show. There was nothing about rounding up a group in a similar age range, with a similar educational background, etc. I call bullshit on the perfect scientific match when you've only got 50 people to work with. And the science they're using is lengthy questionaires? That people could totally lie on or that might give skewed results based on any number of factors including how questions are phrased or how alert/engaged someone is while filling them out. Wonderful. Oh, so the FBI and CIA also use questionaires? How novel.

 

What denomination does the "spiritual advisor" represent?

 

"Wealthy colonial families traditionally arranged marriages during the 17 and 1800's to maintain ethnic, cultural, and economic ties." And everyone was super happy and nothing bad ever came of that. I'm not knocking all arranged marriages but really, that's a terribly stupid thing to say.

 

I'm glad the sociologist started to look at different factors that might affect compatibility but it's a little late after you've narrowed the pool down to 50 people. At that point, you just have to justify the three matches so you can have a show instead of actually looking to see who is actually really compatible. I definitely sensed her justifying and making assumptions more than digging to see what was really there. 

 

The saving grace of the show is that some of these people do seem nice and they have cultivated a tone that seems more warm and honest when discussing their lives than it does exploitative and skeevy (which is what I would assume we'd get from the premise).

[aradia22]

LOL. "Compatibility isn't just about similarity. Sometimes the greatest relationships are those where there are differences." So basically, if we found similarities.... Hooray, they're compatible! If there are differences... Hooray, they're still compatible! Make it work!

 

Ahaha. Dealbreakers: "Body odor. No redheads. I don't like baldheaded women. I don't want her to have a tattoo on her face. I know that." Way to go ruining all the producers' fun.

 

Dafuq is a "humanist chaplain"? This spiritual adviser thing is particularly sketchy. If religious compatibility is so important why do you just have this one dude? Imagine if they hadn't just found different denominations of Christianity and cast a Muslim, Buddhist, Sikh, Jewish, etc. person on the show. I'm curious about that statistic on interfaith couples and the higher likelihood of their marriages ending in divorce. How do atheists and people who are not spiritual count in those statistics? Is this calculated from census data or something?

 

I was really thinking they'd put Jamie and Jason together because of their similar backgrounds in medicine and crazy schedules. LOL at the sexologist already admitting that Jamie probably wouldn't find Doug attractive. You guys are terrible people.

 

Oh, Monet and Vaughn. Yup, just pair the two black people together. I'm super suspicious about all this "they talked about wanting the same things" compatibility nonsense. You know on reality shows they'll totally ask them leading questions and prod them if they don't get the right responses until they get the footage they want. Was it really "uncanny"? And assuming they did just happen to agree on some things, I wonder about all the stuff they disagreed on that you're not showing us. Oh, you guys are really bad people.

 

I feel like Courtney and Jason would be a couple that would get together based on mutual attraction but I can also see them fighting a lot.

 

I wonder if they made them sign contracts to get married. What if they got cold feet? Surely you can't compel someone to get married even if they signed a contract.

 

"I have faith in the system that they wouldn't have set me up if it wasn't a perfect match." Bad. You are bad, bad people.

 

Hey, clinical psychologist, tell me that hoping to heal Jamie's broken family life with Doug's healthy one is a good idea. Assuming she wasn't as stable as she is, you tell me that's a good idea. Awful. You are awful.

 

LOL at Vaughn's friend. "So you're willing to marry a complete stranger. Why? Why would you do this?" They should just play that at the beginning of every episode. The only upside I'm seeing at the moment is the free wedding. I wonder if the producers gave them a budget. Pretty damn sure they didn't cover the costs themselves from the warehouse looking places they got their outfits. Though they didn't look bad.

 

Question... if they choose to not consummate the marriage can they get it annulled instead of getting a divorce? Or is that just a plotline from historical romance novels?

 

Does anyone feel like the wrestling tag team partner had an unusually out of proportion response to being told Jason was getting married?

 

I wish we'd seen more of the wedding planning stuff beyond getting the wedding dresses and seeing the guys in their suits.

 

I wish they'd done talking heads with the bride's side of the aisle on what they thought when all the grooms walked in. Missed opportunity!

 

"I can't offer a 100% guarantee that these matches stay married." So what are you saying, like 25%?

 

I feel like the sexologist comes across like the "expert" who is the best at lying through her teeth and who spouts the most B.S.

 

Spiritual adviser, stop sounding so happy about the fact these people knowing nothing about each other and are about to get married. You would be sweating bullets? I thought you said this was a great idea and arranged marriages were fabulous. You are an evil, evil man. I still don't know what a humanist chaplain is but if they do believe in God, He is not happy with you right now.

 

I'm trying to phrase this in the nicest way possible... Jamie is notably thinner than most of her family and bridesmaids. 

 

You cannot force yourself to be attracted to someone. Oh, God, Jamie and Doug. Why did they put them together?

[DrCilona]

Hello. I'm actually the psychologist on Married At First Sight. I%u2019ve been following the press related to the show. I%u2019m not surprised to see a lot of negative reactions and opinions. I certainly expected that given the extremely controversial nature of the show. However, I am a bit surprised to see so much strong opinion criticizing the concept of the show largely due to the ongoing battle for marriage equality. I feel compelled to clarify that I am an active and strong supporter and advocate of marriage equality--for EVERYONE--including adults who choose to try this as a way to find a spouse.

A little background about how I came to be involved in the show: I have been approached by over a dozen production companies to be involved in various shows over the years. I passed on all of them, usually because I felt that they were exploitive, sensational, or otherwise did not offer anything of value to the viewer. Ironically, this one sounds the most over-the-top, but I ultimately agreed to do it because it was so different than what I imagined. I initially refused to even take the meeting to find out more about it because it sounded so absurd. Ultimately I did, and I was very surprised to learn that it was very different than what I expected.

Finally, when I viewed the original Danish series of the same name that the US version would be based on, I was sold and agreed to do it. The Danish version was touching, poignant, authentic, respectful, thought provoking, and very well executed. In fact, it was recently nominated for the prestigious Rose D'Or award (the European version of the Emmy).

Once I was in, I was still a bit uneasy about the whole project, knowing that just because the Danish version was great, there was no guarantee the US version would be executed as well. I was very relieved, though, when I learned about the other experts that would be involved: premiere expert in Human Sexuality Logan Levkoff, PhD, professor of Sociology and accomplished author Pepper Schwartz, PhD and head Humanist Chaplain at Harvard University Greg Epstein. I was relieved not only that these were respected and accomplished experts, but that they would also share the burden of what I considered to be a very serious, and somewhat daunting task.

We, the experts, took this project very seriously, and so did the production company. They were quite clever, in fact, during casting and did not reveal the actual premise until late in the process so as not to attract individuals that were not serious about this or had some other agenda (e.g. exclusively fame seeking, etc). The experts were involved in the casting to help weed out potential participants that were not genuinely looking for a real marriage-- one that would last.

I personally performed an intense battery of psychological tests on all the participants to inform my recommendations for matches. These assessment instruments primarily evaluate components of personality, but also include measures called %u201CValidity Scales%u201D that provide powerful information about the authenticity and sincerity of those being assessed. My research yielded approximately 80-100 pages of hard data on each participant, and I interpreted and analyzed that data for close to 400 hours to examine potential compatibilities and complementarities of personality traits of all possible combinations of potential participants. These instruments require doctoral level training and licensure to even access. They are serious and powerful instruments that have decades of clinical research supporting their validity and reliability. So, yes, I consider this %u201Cscientific.%u201D

I certainly respect and appreciate that many people will have strong (and negative) opinions about this. However, I am very interested to know their opinions AFTER they watch the show.

My hope is that %u201CMarried at First Sight%u201D will make people think more seriously and carefully about what makes a real marriage work, and why marriage today in the United States today, fraught with high divorce rates and infidelity, seems to be such a disaster.

[Babalooie]

The humanist chaplain is an athiest, according to a website with "friendly athiest" in the title. Copy and paste will not work for sharing the link.

[Pollock]

Can't wait for next week ! I'm so in this trainwreck, I'm not even ashamed to admit it.

 

I felt bad for Doug because it must be a horrible feeling and he seems to be a really nice guy but I laughed at Jaime. That served her well to lie during her interview, blabbing on that physic doesn't matter to not appear shallow. 

 

ETA during writing the above because of the intervention of Dr Cilona :

Finally, when I viewed the original Danish series of the same name that the US version would be based on, I was sold and agreed to do it. The Danish version was touching, poignant, authentic, respectful, thought provoking, and very well executed. In fact, it was recently nominated for the prestigious Rose D'Or award (the European version of the Emmy).

 

Respectfully, US television is not known for making poignant and respectful shows when adaptating this type of program. Quite the opposite. The trash potentiel in what was shown so far is real. Not Marriage Bootcamp trashy but it's not Top of the Lake if you see what I mean.

 

We, the experts, took this project very seriously, and so did the production company. They were quite clever, in fact, during casting and did not reveal the actual premise until late in the process so as not to attract individuals that were not serious about this or had some other agenda (e.g. exclusively fame seeking, etc). The experts were involved in the casting to help weed out potential participants that were not genuinely looking for a real marriage-- one that would last.

 

What's late in the process ? Because the editing of the special episode made me think that is was still really early. Granted, I watched doing something else but I have no recollection of the program telling the viewer how many of the applicants for the show weren't invited in the conference room when the rest of the participants were told the goal of the so called social experiment so I'll have to take your word for it.

 

Please keep in mind I liked a lot this show so far and I'm looking forward to see the rest of it. But for what it is so far : trash tv. If it turn out to be a "touching, poignant, authentic, respectful, thought provoking, and very well executed" show, I will still be in and will be very pleased. But overall, I'll be surprised !

 

ETA bis

I will quote @Babalooie because I agree wholeheartedly that the mismatch was calculated to create drama, further discarding the genuinity of the process.

Because Jamie has been on The Bachelor and another similar show, the credibility of the experts goes out the window for me.  Out of all the possibilities, surely someone other than a ringer could have been a potential match.  I feel that they chose a groom that was not the stereotypical handsome man just to create conflict and drama.

 

Edited July 10, 2014 by Pollock

[MMLEsq]

I love this show so far.  Usually I'm multitasking when watching TV, but I was so caught up in it that I actually was focused pretty much 100% on the show. 

 

I wonder if they made them sign contracts to get married. What if they got cold feet? Surely you can't compel someone to get married even if they signed a contract.

 

Hey, clinical psychologist, tell me that hoping to heal Jamie's broken family life with Doug's healthy one is a good idea. Assuming she wasn't as stable as she is, you tell me that's a good idea. Awful. You are awful.

 

Question... if they choose to not consummate the marriage can they get it annulled instead of getting a divorce? Or is that just a plotline from historical romance novels?

 

Does anyone feel like the wrestling tag team partner had an unusually out of proportion response to being told Jason was getting married?

 

I wish we'd seen more of the wedding planning stuff beyond getting the wedding dresses and seeing the guys in their suits.

 

I wish they'd done talking heads with the bride's side of the aisle on what they thought when all the grooms walked in. Missed opportunity!

 

You cannot force yourself to be attracted to someone. Oh, God, Jamie and Doug. Why did they put them together?

Reacting to a few of the things you wrote:  I do not believe anyone was forced to get married, but the pressure to do so -- you've agreed to do it, all of the arrangements have been made, friends and family (well, most of the families) are there, etc. -- must have been incredible.  I can imagine each of them would feel like they really had to go through with it. 

 

One of my cousins, who comes from an extremely stable family, ended up marrying a girl who came from a completely unstable family (her mother first got married when she was 14, had my cousin's wife when she was 16, and had been married (at that point) five times....her mom was fun and zany, but honestly a little crazy).  My cousin's wife was always very open about longing to be a part of a stable family and how that was one of the things that really attracted her to my cousin.  (Fast forward 20 years later and they're still married with three kids, so it definitely worked for them.)

 

I too thought that it was a little odd to say that annulment was not a possibility.  I get that by saying divorce was the only way out, it drives home the point that these are actual, legal marriages that should not be entered into lightly, but I don't think an annulment would be out of the question.

 

The wrestling partner seemed almost jealous that he was going to have to share Jason with anyone else.  It was weird.  It was basically like, "Ok, you can get married as long as it doesn't decrease the amount of time you're currently spending with me." Again, weird.

 

I too would have liked to see more of the planning.  I was intrigued how that worked out.  One of the brides (Jamie, I think) was picking the song for the first dance.  Did they split up the wedding planning between the two sides....the bride picks the first song, the groom picks the wedding cake, etc.?  I also thought it was interesting that Doug was the only groom (at least that we saw) that seemed to be introducing himself to the bride's side.  However, as much as I was interested in the planning and I would have loved to have more time to see what the intial impressions of the friends and family were (other than the one "He's cute." that I remember), I also was anxious to see the first impressions at the altar, so I was torn. 

 

I was the most excited about the Doug and Jamie pairing, so it was heartbreaking to see her reaction.  I thought I remembered the experts saying that Doug wasn't perhaps a perfect match for Jamie in terms of physical attraction, but that she said that personality and other things were more important.  I'm hoping this is just misdirection by editing and they end up being compatible and staying together, but on the other hand, it must be so painful for him to know that her first reaction was (I'm paraphrasing) "Looks aren't everything, but I have to have something to work with."  Ouch, that's harsh.  While he's there smiling and with his family being so great about supporting this....  I just felt so bad for him. 

 

Hello. I'm actually the psychologist on Married At First Sight. I’ve been following the press related to the show. I’m not surprised to see a lot of negative reactions and opinions. I certainly expected that given the extremely controversial nature of the show. However, I am a bit surprised to see so much strong opinion criticizing the concept of the show largely due to the ongoing battle for marriage equality. I feel compelled to clarify that I am an active and strong supporter and advocate of marriage equality--for EVERYONE--including adults who choose to try this as a way to find a spouse.

Speaking for myself, I'm usually skeptical and do not take at face value a lot of what I read from posters purpoting to have inside information, but I'm choosing to believe that you are really who you say you are.  So, I wanted to say thank you for posting....I really enjoyed getting your perspective and I hope that you post your thoughts about the future episodes as well.

 

Now, my own thoughts about the episode...   I felt bad that Courtney's family didn't come to the wedding.  The father of one of my best friends refused to come to her wedding because she got married outside instead of in a church.  Who chooses to miss their child's wedding day?  I don't get that at all.  I would move heaven and earth to be at my daughter's wedding, even if I didn't necessarily love what she was doing or who she was marrying.

 

I thought it was interesting that Courtney was the only one that reached out to her prospective spouse before the wedding (sending the card).  I thought that was sweet.  I also thought it was so sweet of Doug to create the scrapbook so that Jamie would be able to identify the different friends and families.  Aw, Doug just seemed so sweet and so excited about the whole thing.....I'm still disappointed about Jamie's initial reaction.  Especially since she was the one insisting that "love" had to be mentioned in the song for the first dance.  Obviously none of the couples were going to be in love when they got married, so why insist that the song suggest that they were?  Speaking of love, I don't remember for sure, but I'm pretty sure that the vows we saw at Doug and Jamie's wedding didn't mention anything about love.  Is that right?  

 

As much as I am enjoying the show, I could never marry a complete stranger.  But, it sure is interesting watching people that are willing to do it.

Edited July 10, 2014 by MMLEsq

[A Boston Gal]

I'm wondering if DrCilona would tell us how many couples remained married at the end of the Danish series, and how many of them are still married today?

Edited July 10, 2014 by A Boston Gal

[PityFree]

Question... if they choose to not consummate the marriage can they get it annulled instead of getting a divorce? Or is that just a plotline from historical romance novels?

 

Does anyone feel like the wrestling tag team partner had an unusually out of proportion response to being told Jason was getting married?

Two things. 1) There are several things - including not having consummated a marriage - that would allow annulment. I think fraud is also generally accepted as a legal reason, too. The show's producers just kept stating "This is a Real Marriage and you'd need a Real Divorce!!!!" as shock factors for the show. I am sure they could get an annulment.  2) YES!!! HA! I think we uncovered an unrequited bromance!

 

ETA: I would totally marry someone chosen for me by professionals (not from a group of 50 fame hos, though) or my parents. It seems like it would make "love" a lot easier.

 

ETA again: I LOVED Doug's scrapbook! If Jamie can get past the giant moles all over his head, I think she will discover a very, very good guy in Doug.

Edited July 10, 2014 by PityFree

[crgirl412]

I'm not sure if this is the place for this stuff.

 

I think Jamie and Jason would look better together and also have more similarities from what we've seen.  Granted, we don't get to see the results of the scientific matching algorithm so I could be way off. 

 

The "Spiritual Advisor" is an ATHEIST!!  He's a Humanist. That is just wrong on so many levels!!!  All of them are some form of Christian denomination so why not have a Christian??  The show was trying to be way too PC and cool on this one.  They should match the Spiritual Advisor to each person's denomination or religion.

 

Also, back to the Jamie and Doug rather than Jamie and Jason, did they not research (and I use that term loosely) on the interwebs the type of guys that she has gone for in the past???  They were seriously HOT and Jason barely makes the cut but Doug with his jaw issues, moles issue and blond hair are not spelling success for me.  Then again the science says differently so maybe I should just "trust the process." Any Bachelor/ette fans know that phrase well! 

 

One more rant:  4 weeks is way too short to decide!  They should have at the minimum said 3 months but I would be ok with six months.  If these people are wacky enough to do this in the first place give it a damn good try!!!  I'm not throwing shade as this might be something that I would consider give the excellent track record of arranged marriages for thousands of years and the mess it is now. 

Edited July 10, 2014 by crgirl412

[MMLEsq]

ETA: I would totally marry someone chosen for me by professionals (not from a group of 50 fame hos, though) or my parents. It seems like it would make "love" a lot easier.

 

ETA again: I LOVED Doug's scrapbook! If Jamie can get past the giant moles all over his head, I think she will discover a very, very good guy in Doug.

If I wasn't already married, I would totally trust my parents -- or even professionals -- to pick out someone for me.  I just wouldn't marry them without getting to know them a little bit myself first.

 

I too thought Doug seemed like a really nice guy**.  If it doesn't work out with Jamie -- I don't want to be spoiled on the ending -- hopefully there are other women out there that are watching and think he'd be a great boyfriend/husband.

 

** As with all reality shows, I reserve the right to change my opinion based on what we see in future episodes.  :-)   I've never watched The Bachelor or anything else Jamie's been in, so I'm watching this with no preconceived ideas about any of them.

Edited July 10, 2014 by MMLEsq

[ramble]

Learning that Jamie, the crazy that thought she was in forever love from sleeping with Chris on Bachelor Pad, was going to be on this show meant I'd have to tune in. When I was watching & I saw the fyi logo I'm pretty sure it was laughing & saying F you idiot, you got sucked in. Yes, yes I did.

@aradia22 has covered most of it well. There was a lot of dafuq in this show. So much huh? all around. Marriage is such a challenge without this type of drama being thrown in to start off the process. I kind of hate that it is actually a marriage because it seems to cheapen the idea. Most reality TV doesn't go that far. Even the Bach/B'ette gives them dates (albeit unrealistic ones) & then the wedding, if it happens at all, is later.

The weddings did seem like they were put together by calling 1-800-Discount-Wedding-4-U. Although maybe most family & friends wanted no part of this so they didn't need a big event. I kept expecting one of the ladies to say, "I'm saying yes to the dress" & being told that she wasn't going to be on that show. Reality TV blurred.

By nature I'd like to trust people but reality TV teaches you not to. Other than Jamie I'd like to imagine these people are sincere, but it's hard to fathom. Therefore, until proven otherwise, I'm going with open snark season on those who choose to play this game.

I'm not surprised Jamie was put off by Doug at first sight. I am surprised the "experts" didn't catch that she would be. She used the words attractive & pretty so often it should have been like a big flashing sign. I know certain aspects of our looks are out of our control but why wouldn't you go to a doc & get those moles removed? I really would like to know. And stop with the little parting of the stand up tuft of hair in the middle. It doesn't help or hide anything.

Jason sounded like he just needed a dating service. He works odd hours, has that wrestling thing with his overly invested partner & cares for his dying mother. That's a lot going on. Finding time to meet someone probably takes more time than he has to give right now. Sign up for a matchmaking service that provides dates dude. They're out there.

Courtney seemed young to me. Younger than her age even. Her parents unwillingness to participate should have slowed her down more than it seemed to. Initial impression with this couple is that they've young & hot but that only holds you so long. He's a wrestler on the side & she does burlesque. My cynical radar was screaming looking for TV exposure.

Monet & Vaughn seemed strangely normal in comparison. I'm waiting to see what their crazy is. I did like his friend's continued incredulous shock at the announcement. You're doing what? For real? Why? Are you stupid? Yeah, we're all thinking it too friend o'Vaughn. I do think Vaughn may be a little disappointed in Monet's wifely cooking skills. On a side note I liked her blue nail polish.

Finally the extensive questionnaire being sold as a huge, new positive cracked me up. I filled out a massive thing like that prior to a martial counseling immersion series. 80+ pages of questions with lots of essay questions. The info was analyzed by experts without the quotations. A group of counselors who have specialized in martial counseling, specifically crisis situations, for a combined 50 years. Guess what? On paper my ex & I showed about a 90% compatibility rate, even higher in a couple of key categories that often spell trouble if you're out of sync. In reality we were grasping at straws as the ship sank. It didn't matter how truthful we were when filling out a bunch of paper forms. The reality of life is stronger than the quiz.

[Pollock]

I'm wondering if DrCilona would tell us how many couples remained married at the end of the Danish series, and how many of them are still married today?

With Google Chrome automatic translation : http://ekstrabladet.dk/flash/filmogtv/tv/article4828437.ece

Two pairs stayed married at the end of the experience (diffusion ended in october 2013). Only one couple remained married 4 months after that. And in April 2014, those last two were divorced.

If I understood correctly other articles, the show began filming in spring 2013.

 

 

Edit : I know I'm not DrCilona... I was just curious to find out and was not sure we'll ever see the good doctor ever again.... 

Edited July 10, 2014 by Pollock

[PityFree]

Edit : I know I'm not DrCilona... I was just curious to find out and was not sure we'll ever see the good doctor ever again.... 

AAKKKKKK!! Do you think we frightened him off? Hope not!

[MsPH]

We, the experts, took this project very seriously, and so did the production company. They were quite clever, in fact, during casting and did not reveal the actual premise until late in the process so as not to attract individuals that were not serious about this or had some other agenda (e.g. exclusively fame seeking, etc). The experts were involved in the casting to help weed out potential participants that were not genuinely looking for a real marriage-- one that would last.

 

I would trust the process a bit more, if you hadn't chosen a cast member who has been in both The Bachelor and Bachelor Pad, making quite a fool of herself if I may add. The fact that she is still trying to get into dating shows, even after being humiliated by two very average looking men on TV, points to her being a bit of a famewhore. She also doesn't come across as the most emotionally stable person, so making her the guinea pig in such an experiment doesn't make your psychological testing seem very serious or effective.

 

I do however enjoy the show for what it is, trash reality TV. I think Jason and Cortney might actually have a shot, but no more than any other couple who are attracted to each other enough to start dating.  

[A Boston Gal]

With Google Chrome automatic translation : http://ekstrabladet.dk/flash/filmogtv/tv/article4828437.ece

Two pairs stayed married at the end of the experience (diffusion ended in october 2013). Only one couple remained married 4 months after that. And in April 2014, those last two were divorced.

If I understood correctly other articles, the show began filming in spring 2013.

 

 

Edit : I know I'm not DrCilona... I was just curious to find out and was not sure we'll ever see the good doctor ever again.... 

Thanks for the info, Pollock! I don't know if we'll hear from him again, either; his long post was all but cut and pasted from his facebook description of the project. Not that he should have to rewrite it all twice, but still... a bit of editing? Good luck on your TV project, DrCilona, if you're reading this...but it's not a social experiment; it's a summer reality TV show with a legal "out" for all involved. Nothing wrong with that, though; a little exposure and a proven money-making TV genre can't be all bad. Go for the gusto, Dr. C! :)

[zxy556575]

@Pollack, thanks for looking that up! I was far too noncommittal. (Jab at Jamie intended.)

 

Were there three couples in the Danish version as well?

Edited July 10, 2014 by lordonia

[heebiejeebie]

I'm so glad to pop in and find confirmation that Jamie is indeed going for her pro card on the Famewhore circuit.  Every time she did one of those talking heads all fluffy hair and make up I kept seeing the outside of the tawdry Bachelor villa-esque mcmansion.  And in the scrubbed down versions I imagined the Big Brother confessional room.  I did stick around long enough to see if Jamie's pairing with Doug was done because 1.the show wanted a failure to make it seem "real" and Jamie screamed superficial from the get go or 2. they wanted to make sure at least one would not back out and knew once the cameras were on Jamie would deliver and deliver with all the hand wringing silly vaporish nonsense we see in the previews.

 

What really really turned me off the show though was what in a way made me tune in in the first place.  Jason.  Cute guy with muscles and that accent.  Hmmm.  Then I find out he is taking care of his mother in what sounds like a losing battle with cancer.  This is so wrong in so many ways.  Sorry cute bearded Dr.  But I think, and this is just an opinion of course, you and the rest of the experts should have stopped and considered just what it means to be in Jason's situation.  You can all say he is an adult and made his own choice.  But I've been there.  I've been the son taking care of his dying mother and it is a wrenching soul sucking experience even when you, standing at the center of that emotional hurricane, think you are doing just fine.  It is exhausting mentally and physically.  It is hugely exploitation and totally unfair to Jason, his mother and the young woman you paired him with.  Does Courtney have any idea her soul mate you went all eharmony for her is quite possibly in the death watch stage?  No matter if it is months or weeks or days or even well over a year.  To have her put in that situation, told to make it work and then have Jason have to face that "failure" on top of everything else?  Yeah.  That sucks big time and revealed more than anything all all social science experiments aside this is hugely tacky and at the end of the day more shock value than study.

 

Even if the mother comes out fine somehow, the emotional state any loving child of a sick parent at any age does not put him in the right frame of mind to even come close to putting into even a "reality show" marriage what is intended by this experiment in my opinion.  To the point that even if he is the most likeable for me of the cast I find myself feeling way to voyeuristic and find the show using him in this manner to verge on being flat out creepy.  So much that while I feel incredible sympathy and empathy for his situation I also find myself pitying him because I just don't think he is capable of really making the right decision for himself his mother or his "bride".  And in his situation I don't expect him to make the right decision.  The shows experts should have exercised more common sense and decency rather than what I have to believe was deciding what made for "good show".

 

I would like to see a real matchmaking show.  Something that matches a bunch of couples very carefully and then has them commit to dating for a certain length of time to actually get to know one another.  I'm guessing PBS would have to do this.

 

It did bother me that every time there was this cheerleading blathering about arranged marriages it failed to address the economic and religious factors in the areas where it is most prevalent in the world.  Plus the dynamics of the woman's position in the family household and her "transfer" to her husband's.  Not to mention what choices those societies allow for dissolution of such marriages.   Or the sexual practices allowed in such societies.  Or even the son's amount of choice in the matters.  The show was not just glib about arranged marriages but incredibly disingenuous.  But for all the academic posturing this was the Bachelor on an itty bitty stage just with the fast forward button hit to the "Very Special Bachelor Episode:  Famewhore Man married Famewhore Woman".

 

I'm not sure I'll tune in for anymore though I definitely will be tracking the conversations here. 

[aradia22]

 

The weddings did seem like they were put together by calling 1-800-Discount-Wedding-4-U. Although maybe most family & friends wanted no part of this so they didn't need a big event. I kept expecting one of the ladies to say, "I'm saying yes to the dress" & being told that she wasn't going to be on that show. Reality TV blurred.

That said, I liked some of the dresses they tried on and the guys looked good in their suits. Vaughn in particular seemed to get a stylish suit that fit really well (that is, tailored to him vs. a rental).

 

 

He's a wrestler on the side & she does burlesque. My cynical radar was screaming looking for TV exposure.

Mine too but I couldn't figure out how it would help them. It's not like they're only going to show his wrestling matches or spend hours watching her do makeup or burlesque. This only lasts a few weeks. Also, nothing about this show suggests it's going to grab the demographic that would be interested in any of their pursuits. Oh, and am I the only one underwhelmed by Courtney's makeup skills? Whatever she uses around her eyes seems too light, whether it's concealer or she's put on some finishing powder that's reflecting back. She seems to have that flawless finish but I suspect she just has nice skin and she's actually putting on too much makeup.

 

In Denmark, none of the three couples that were set up lasted more than a year, with one splitting up immediately after the show had finished filming.

 

 

t is hugely exploitation and totally unfair to Jason, his mother and the young woman you paired him with.  Does Courtney have any idea her soul mate you went all eharmony for her is quite possibly in the death watch stage?  No matter if it is months or weeks or days or even well over a year.  To have her put in that situation, told to make it work and then have Jason have to face that "failure" on top of everything else?  Yeah.  That sucks big time and revealed more than anything all all social science experiments aside this is hugely tacky and at the end of the day more shock value than study.

A big worry for me is that they seem to think that because she said she's ready to stop being "selfish" that Courtney will end up taking care of Jason who is so used to taking care of other people. Yeah, I'm really not getting that vibe from Courtney. Especially not with her, I'm independent, I'll walk myself down the aisle talk when her family refused to come to the ceremony.

 

It did bother me that every time there was this cheerleading blathering about arranged marriages it failed to address the economic and religious factors in the areas where it is most prevalent in the world.  Plus the dynamics of the woman's position in the family household and her "transfer" to her husband's.  Not to mention what choices those societies allow for dissolution of such marriages.   Or the sexual practices allowed in such societies.  Or even the son's amount of choice in the matters.  The show was not just glib about arranged marriages but incredibly disingenuous.

YUP.

[crgirl412]

I think that Jamie is so much more of a caretaker since she had to take care of her two siblings since her parents were a wreck and she would jump into caring DIL very quickly.  It is odd that Jason is doing this has his mom has Stage 4 Lung Cancer.  The woman is dying.  Literally.  Short of a miracle of the Lord Jesus Christ, she is going to die in the near future.  Very sad!! 

 

Also, yes to Jamie's foray into Bachelor Nation does nothing for the credibility of the show!  Maybe TPTB thought it would help the show.  Not sure why.   

[Mocking Bird]

Does "DrCilona" have the option of getting his soul back after 30 days?

[Stardancer Supreme]

I'm totally in.  But out of 50 applicants, there is only 3 couples willing to go through with this farce? 

[ExMathMajor]

I'm totally in.  But out of 50 applicants, there is only 3 couples willing to go through with this farce? 

 

The experts were only able to create (or select) 3 couples who would best fit the experiment. We don't know whether or why they couldn't find more. Maybe the good doctor above can elucidate...

 

I wanted to co-sign, high-five, amen heebiejeebie's comment about arranged marriages in the context of culture. Watching this show made me want to look up documentaries on modern arranged marriages the way it's REALLY done, preferably in sociocultural situations in which the women aren't property. I used to work with a young woman from India who had two degrees from prestigious schools, could hold her own with her fellow (mostly male) engineers, and was in an arranged marriage. The most I ever heard her say about it was that "it is what it is," it made sense from a practical perspective, and Westerners make too big of a deal about it. I was too polite to ask if she was happy with her family's choice.

 

Anyway, yeah, I'm in too...

[bourbon]

I kind of reject the idea of "the one" and "soul mates," and I'm really fascinated by the idea of arranged marriages, so had hopes that this show would be a cut above something like "Joe Millionaire," but it's not.  And casting repeat offender Jamie Otis does nothing to strengthen the endlessly-repeated notion that it is a "social experiment" rather than a game show.  The outcome of the Danish program should have told everyone that the experiment, if there ever was one, failed.  

 

Poor Doug.  He seemed like a nice if ordinary looking guy.  As soon as it became obvious that they were going to be paired, I knew Jamie wouldn't go for it.  She was clearly preoccupied with physical appearance despite what she said. (It was very telling that she wondered aloud if her groom would think she was pretty enough as she headed into the wedding.)  If I saw it, how could the "experts" miss it?  How could they have possibly thought these two would make a good match?  How can they pretend to be mystified that she basically called the guy a completely repulsive uggo?  I hoped that she could overcome that and the "story" of their relationship would be that they fell in love despite her initial lack of attraction, but now I hope Doug runs in the opposite direction.

 

And I wish the "experts" on board would stop equating the low divorce rates of arranged marriages to success.  Without knowing the socio-economic and/or religious factors behind the marriages, that statistic is meaningless. Yes, arranged marriages were the norm for centuries.  So were slavery, smallpox, and child labor.  That don't make it right.  

 

I would be much more interested in following a couple like David and Elizabeth Weinlick or a Westernized couple who had decided to allow their "Old World" families to arrange their marriage.  But such things aren't possible in an era of staged reality.  

Edited July 13, 2014 by bourbon

[ramble]

I don't think anyone brought this up, but (or should I say butt) I'm going to be tacky & talk about it. What was going on with Monet & her fascination with a husband pulling a wife's panties out of her rear end? Somehow that proves true love or special closeness? I'd say her cousin overshared & now regrets that moment. Also, if a guy did that for me I'm not sure I'd call it romantic, maybe awkward & uncomfortable. I'd prefer to unhike myself. Weirdness.

[ethalfrida]

There are things that do not bear verbalizing. I think you are right about the oversharing. 

[aradia22]

I read a more interesting take on arranged marriages. There was an article in July's Vogue by Mira Jacobs. It's a quick read. Some of you might want to look into it given what you've said.

[countrygirlsons]

"I'm not surprised Jamie was put off by Doug at first sight. I am surprised the "experts" didn't catch that she would be. She used the words attractive & pretty so often it should have been like a big flashing sign. I know certain aspects of our looks are out of our control but why wouldn't you go to a doc & get those moles removed? I really would like to know." (ramble)

Thank you, ramble, as much as I'm curious as to why he didn't have these taken care of, I'm also concerned for the poor guy. It simply looked a bit unhealthy.

I hadn't known that Jamie had been on other shows. Definitely makes me look at things differently.

crgirl412: "The "Spiritual Advisor" is an ATHEIST!! He's a Humanist. That is just wrong on so many levels." I'm not sure whether I want to ask you if you're sure that he's an athiest or non-spiritual/incapable of advising, or if you are suggesting that all humanists are atheists. I haven't looked this guy up, but I'm not sure I follow your line of thought.

[crgirl412]

@countrygirlsons

 

countrygirlsons wrote: crgirl412: "The "Spiritual Advisor" is an ATHEIST!! He's a Humanist. That is just wrong on so many levels." I'm not sure whether I want to ask you if you're sure that he's an athiest or non-spiritual/incapable of advising, or if you are suggesting that all humanists are atheists. I haven't looked this guy up, but I'm not sure I follow your line of thought.

The "Spiritual Advisor" is the Humanist Chaplaincy (Humanist/Agnostic/Atheist) at Harvard so he is an atheist as well as non-spiritual since he's a humanist who do not believe in the supernaturalism i.e. spiritual things.  

 

http://chaplains.harvard.edu/people/filter_by/humanist-chaplaincy-humanistagnosticatheis

 

http://americanhumanist.org/Humanism/Definitions_of_Humanism

 

Any Spiritual Advisor needs to be spiritual in some form or fashion if they are going to advise people in the realm of spirituality and religion but he can't because he's an atheist and humanist.  How could the Pope or Billy Graham advise an atheist or humanist in the realm of spirituality or religion?  They couldn't.  I think that each participant be given the type of Spiritual Advisor who matches their spirituality/religion like they do in the military or hospital.  That would give credibility to the seriousness of the show.  They obviously value the that aspect of a person and in marriage but then went too PC and made it worthless to the participants, IMHO.       

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[countrygirlsons]

Okay, thanks for clearing that up...I see what you're saying. Thanks;-)

[CorgiNarnia]

The "Spiritual Advisor" is an ATHEIST!!  He's a Humanist. That is just wrong on so many levels!!!  All of them are some form of Christian denomination so why not have a Christian??  The show was trying to be way too PC and cool on this one.  They should match the Spiritual Advisor to each person's denomination or religion.

 

Also, back to the Jamie and Doug rather than Jamie and Jason, did they not research (and I use that term loosely) on the interwebs the type of guys that she has gone for in the past???  They were seriously HOT and Jason barely makes the cut but Doug with his jaw issues, moles issue and blond hair are not spelling success for me.  Then again the science says differently so maybe I should just "trust the process." Any Bachelor/ette fans know that phrase well! 

Total agreement that the "Spiritual" Advisor had no place here. How millennial to put a humanist out there as some kind of equivalent to a priest or rabbi. Really should have been an advisor for whatever religion the couples were.

 

I don't know how the experts could genuinely believe Jamie was a good match with Doug. I guess he's the closest match they could find for her?? 50 guys is not anywhere near large enough of a pool for women. I think they would have been much better matches if they had 50 women and 500 men to choose from.

 

The other thing is, if you are in market research or anything where you work with questionnaires, you know there's a big difference between what people SAY and what they actually DO. Jamie, I'm sure, gave the impression she wants a nice, caring, family guy and downplayed the importance of looks so that she would come across as humble, which is a totally natural thing to do. They should have accounted for that.

[frogprof]

I'll have you know I have a 12-yr-old Old Navy T-shirt that is in AMAZING condition.

[DrCilona]

Hello everyone.  Thanks for all of your opinions about the show--even the biting ones.  It's interesting to see so many different reactions and perspectives.  I'll be checking back occasionally and will do my best to address any specific questions anyone might have for me.

 

A few responses to some comments I saw while browsing through all these threads:

 

Regarding the statistics quoted on arranged marriages and how they neglect certain important cultural influences and other factors:

 

You're absolutely right. However, I did discuss these cultural variables as they relate to the statistics cited. Unfortunately, that did not make the edit for the show. These cultural variables (e.g stigma against divorce, women not having a choice, etc) most certainly impact these statistics.  I think it's very difficult to calculate exactly how much, but it is certainly significant.  However, for me, the difference in divorce rates between arranged marriages around the world and self-chosen romantic marriages are so extreme, I think even if/when you could factor out the aforementioned cultural variables, it's still worth considering and exploring. Which is exactly what we are doing in Married At First Sight.

 

The reality is that the "sanctity of marriage" has been undermined in this country for decades. Divorce rates and rates of infidelity are staggering. The number of people entering into third and fourth marriages is growing. What if this experiment can shed light on these issues, and prompt people to really look at not only what is already going so wrong, but new and innovative ways to understand, explore, and address these serious problems?  For me, the show is not saying that people should marry blindly and use professionals to match them in an arranged marriage to a stranger.   It is using a provocative and extreme premise to explore these important issues, and using that vehicle to get people to pay attention, listen, consider, and engage in a dialogue.  Is it also a television production that is intended to engage viewers?  Of course.  But for me, these two things are not mutually exclusive.

 

Maybe some people should consider the opinions of friends, loved, ones, or even professionals in their choices in romantic relationships and marriage.  Maybe there are elements of certain arranged marriages that are worth exploring, understanding more deeply and applying in some ways to our own lives.  Maybe there is something of value to be found in Married At First Sight that otherwise might not be revealed.

 

Regarding the choice to include Jason.  I think it's important to clarify that my role was not to judge, moralize, or make/influence decisions for the participants.  I explored Jason's motivations, feelings, thoughts, and perspective about participating in the experiment very thoroughly through extensive clinical interviews.  I found him to be very mature, have great clarity about his motivations and decisions, and a thorough understanding of possible consequences to his choices.  All of the other assessments revealed that he was stable, did not evidence any potentially troublesome mental health issues that might render unable to deal with his decision to participate, nor were there any other issues that indicated that there might be some significant risk for him.  On a personal level, I identified very much with Jason's situation, as I was the primary caretaker for my own mother during her battle with pancreatic cancer.  I have respect for his decision to participate, and stand by my recommendation to include him.  

 

Regarding the testing,  I'm not quite sure how else to clarify that this was not merely a questionnaire.  I understand, though, how the way they edited the show made it appear this way.  I spoke at length on camera explaining the assessment process and instruments used.  Unfortunately, again, it did not make the edit.  And, of course, the line about the "FBI and CIA" made it and was repeated numerous times. For those who have interest in educating themselves about the actual instruments used (and, yes, some are used but he FBI and CIA), below are some of them.  A simple Google search will reveal a lot of information about them, though be sure to watch the sources of information you are reading and make certain they are legitimate):

 

1.  Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI-2)
2.  Revised NEO Personality Inventory (NEO-PI-R)
3.  Catell's 16 Personality Factor Test (16 PF)
4.  Personality Assessment Inventory (PAI)

 

These instruments, of course, have their limits and individual strengths and weaknesses.  I chose so many because the findings are strengthened significantly when results appear across multiple measures. 

 

I also conducted in-depth clinical interviews, formulated an extensive and detailed questionnaire, and all participants underwent background checks and full psychological evaluations. It was an exceptionally rigorous, thorough, intensive, and time consuming process.

 

I hear and acknowledge the points made about the subject sample of potential participants being small--it was.  It was important to me that this information was shared so viewers could draw more informed opinions.   Though, keep in mind that there were very real limits imposed by many external factors in this experiment.  And, it was a genuine experiment.  The controversial and extreme nature of the premise rendered the pool of participants limited.  The fact that this was all occurring in the context of a produced television production should, of course, always be remembered.  I feel strongly that the exploration of the many themes that emerge in this project about love, commitment, relationships, marriage, and divorce are important ones for us to consider.  The vehicle used to create a context for drawing attention to these themes is a television production chronicling a provocatively themed experiment.  My hope is that some people will look deeper into these important issues.  

 

I knew I would be taking a tremendous amount of risk agreeing to participate in this project.  So far, from what I've seen of the final product, I'm not regretting the decision.  I personally do not feel that this is in anyway a "train wreck".  I have certainly, though, been frustrated that only a small fraction of what I had to say was featured, but I knew that risk going into this and must now accept these frustrations.  I would just remind everyone to keep in mind that there were literally hours and hours and hours of expert commentary made about all the themes and issues relevant to the experiment.  Only a few minutes of this are able to be featured.  

 

Again,  if anyone has specific questions that I might be able to answer, I will do my best to do so.  

[crgirl412]

@ Dr. Cilona,

 

Thanks for responding to us on here.  It is interesting to hear your points of view. 

 

I still disagree with Jason being included having also been the primary caretaker of my mother when she battled the beast of lung cancer while single and dating.   

 

 

I would just remind everyone to keep in mind that there were literally hours and hours and hours of expert commentary made about all the themes and issues relevant to the experiment.  Only a few minutes of this are able to be featured.

Would the fyi channel put the expert commentary on their website? 

[StayingAfterSunday]

Based on the limited amount of coverage we've seen thus far, I think the experts did a superb job of arranging these unions. From what I have read, marrying for love is a relatively modern impetus for marriage.   I found this quote that might have some truth to it:

 

"I’m convinced marriage isn’t a natural state, but if you’re persistent you learn to
love the companionship and then you learn to love your companion."
Dan Harper

[heebiejeebie]

Actually compatibility, which is what this show is about, is the newest most modern component in marriage.  Arranged marriages which the alludes to as being the basis of their experiment but  are only based on the compatibility of the the powers that be in that social structure (usually some kind of patriarch).  Like politics, the gleam of the gold or how pretty those goats you get in the deal are.  The notion of matching individuals is pretty brand spanking new next to romance which has been around for ages even if it was hardly the norm with marriage as a result and arranged marriages which was does you daughter come with that yak?

 

Casting did a decent job.  Since the show exists from a pool of fifty I think the experts actually had little to nothing to do with it.  The show must go on.  Or are we to believe that without the serendipity of "matching" six people out of fifty the experts would have gone to the producers and handed back the remainder of their pay and say sorry it was a complete wash.  No show for you.

Edited July 21, 2014 by heebiejeebie

[MMLEsq]

I may be misremembering the Casting Special, but I thought they started with 100s (if not 1000s) of people.  They screened out a number of people (there was montage of people they declared "unmatchable," IIRC) and a number of people elected not to continue after finding out the basic premise of the show.  The way I remember it, they ultimately got down to a group of 50 that presumably had "passed" the earlier screening criteria, but I don't believe they started with a pool of 50.

[heebiejeebie]

50 was what I thought the number was in terms of what they figured they could match from in the winnowing process.  So yeas.  My opinion is that the 50, no matter the point it was reached, was still a tiny small number to stand on as an achievement. 

[MMLEsq]

50 was what I thought the number was in terms of what they figured they could match from in the winnowing process.  So yeas.  My opinion is that the 50, no matter the point it was reached, was still a tiny small number to stand on as an achievement. 

I don't disagree with this (apologies for the double negative); I was just clarifying what I understood the process to be.  If I was going to submit to this process, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if I heard that my "perfect" spouse was selected from millions of people, not from 50.  Twisting their logic, at a concert with 5,000 people, you'd be able to find 100 perfect spouses.

 

Did the pool of 50 include both the men and the women?  I can't remember.  If it did, the number of potential spouses (assuming an even split between men and women  and also assuming that all are heterosexual and that's how they'll be matched) would actually be 25.

Edited July 22, 2014 by MMLEsq

[MsPH]

I don't think 25 is that small a number. It's what the Bachelors and Bachelorettes are presented with and some have indeed succeeded in finding their spouse. Obviously more have failed in the end, but there are several reasons for that. On the other hand, many people don't date more than a few people in their entire lives, so if romantic matches are so rare and hard to find, then how is it that they've come by one so easily without any help from experts? If you give up the notion of "The One" then I don't see why you couldn't make it work with 1 out of 25 mentally sound people around your age and of similar cultural background. Or at the very least make a decent go at it. 

[aradia22]

 

I don't think 25 is that small a number. It's what the Bachelors and Bachelorettes are presented with and some have indeed succeeded in finding their spouse. Obviously more have failed in the end, but there are several reasons for that. On the other hand, many people don't date more than a few people in their entire lives, so if romantic matches are so rare and hard to find, then how is it that they've come by one so easily without any help from experts? If you give up the notion of "The One" then I don't see why you couldn't make it work with 1 out of 25 mentally sound people around your age and of similar cultural background. Or at the very least make a decent go at it.

Guys, I'm just going to put this out there... you're all weirding me out. Anyway, that's not what happened here. When people try out for the Bachelor or the Bachelorette the assumption is that they know who the Bachelor/Bachelorette is and the producers are choosing people for that person. What we're talking about with this group of 50 is 50 random people who are not around the same age and who do not have a similar cultural background and hoping to find some kind of match you can justify in that. At least the Bachelor/Bachelorette starts with a group of contestants who are presumably physically attracted to the Bachelor/Bachelorette. This started with (narrowed down) 50 people who were willing to be on a reality show. What I'm saying is that each person didn't have 25 possible matches. Remember, everyone was drawn from the same pool and presumably people who would match well with Jamie wouldn't match as well with Monet.

[MsPH]

Guys, I'm just going to put this out there... you're all weirding me out. Anyway, that's not what happened here. When people try out for the Bachelor or the Bachelorette the assumption is that they know who the Bachelor/Bachelorette is and the producers are choosing people for that person. What we're talking about with this group of 50 is 50 random people who are not around the same age and who do not have a similar cultural background and hoping to find some kind of match you can justify in that. At least the Bachelor/Bachelorette starts with a group of contestants who are presumably physically attracted to the Bachelor/Bachelorette. This started with (narrowed down) 50 people who were willing to be on a reality show. What I'm saying is that each person didn't have 25 possible matches. Remember, everyone was drawn from the same pool and presumably people who would match well with Jamie wouldn't match as well with Monet.

 

Actually, the application process for the Bachelor/Bachelorette is ongoing and I don't think the contestants usually know whose season they're applying to be on until quite late in the process and sometimes not until they're stepping out of the limo, since the Bachelorette is filmed straight after the Bachelor season. Basically these people want to be on TV and/or find love on TV. And considering what a wide range of personalities and looks there is each season, I don't think they're doing any complicated matching process while picking the cast. Basically all it takes is good looks and a willingness to get married.

Now I didn't watch the casting special of this show, so I don't know how varied that pool of 50 people was, but at least the people who made it to the show are all around the same age. I think Cortney is 26 and Monet is 33, but that's the biggest gap. They also live around the same area. And not only did those 50 people apply to be on the show they were the ones willing to get legally married to a stranger on TV, so they already have that in common. And they were deemed sane enough to be potentially matched. So I don't think it's impossible to find a good enough match in that group for at least a few people. IMO the most important thing in making a relationship work is the effort you're willing to put into it, and if we were to believe these people are genuinely looking for a happy marriage, then they're clearly willing to put in the effort. Obviously attraction is needed as well, but I think they deemed all the ugly applicants unmatchable anyway, since this is a TV show.

[aradia22]

 

So I don't think it's impossible to find a good enough match in that group for at least a few people. IMO the most important thing in making a relationship work is the effort you're willing to put into it, and if we were to believe these people are genuinely looking for a happy marriage, then they're clearly willing to put in the effort. Obviously attraction is needed as well, but I think they deemed all the ugly applicants unmatchable anyway, since this is a TV show.

I think it's possible to match two people who should date in a pool of 50 people. I'm highly doubtful they were able to find one, let alone three couples who were compatible enough that they could justify matching them up for marriage.

[Bella]

Well, we'll see how successful the exercise is. That's kind of the point of the show.

[Secret]

I think something one of the experts said (paraohrased) really sums up what it seems like they are really exploring with this show - does matching people up for marriage work better than setting these same people up for a dating relationship? I think they are banking on people being more "in" or generally committed to give it a real chance than if they set them up to live together and date.

Eventhough I think it is a stretch to consider their matches as their perfect mate, they have a better chance than anyone on those ABC shows.

You can't really compare this process or whatever compatiblity and matching test or comparisons done on this show to the "process" used to cast The Bachelor/ette. While the general numbers of a 1 in 25 chance at finding a mate and a willingness to be on a reality TV show, that is where the similarities end. This show at least forces the couple to spend time, just the two of them. The Bachelor/ette is not built to form lasting relationships because the lead is dating, kissing "falling in love" with a few people at once - AND they have to watch it happen after they "win". Most couples are not strong enough to last through that. (/off topic)

[zxy556575]

There was a show years ago that matched one person with three different dates, and each of the couples then had to spend a week living together. It was interesting because the forced physical closeness made people open up to and learn from each other, even when their first impression may have been, "ugh, no way." There was also a panel of experts (or family, or a mix of the two?) that initially paired up the couples.

[aradia22]

 

I think something one of the experts said (paraohrased) really sums up what it seems like they are really exploring with this show - does matching people up for marriage work better than setting these same people up for a dating relationship? I think they are banking on people being more "in" or generally committed to give it a real chance than if they set them up to live together and date.

Hmn. I feel like I'd accept this premise more if they had them believe that they were married but in the end it turned out to be fake. So really the setup would be that they jumped past the initial stages of dating into living with each other. They would think that they were married but in the end the experts would reveal that the marriages were invalid. Oh, we let you sign fake licenses. And that woman who married you? Yeah, she's just an actress we hired in a casting call. We were actually shocked you believed she had any authority. 

 

So yeah, basically like Laws of Attraction.