the-grey-lady

Steven is loathsome. "I haven't been 100% honest with you"="I lied."

Why is she arguing with Ashley and Heather about their objections to being surrogates? Quit arguing with them, Whitney. They don't want to do it. Their reasons are their own. You don't get to demand access to someone's uterus. She sounds like such a whiny, entitled asshole.

Every idiot on this show: I've been lying to [insert hapless fiance's name here] about [big secret]... Me: MAYBE QUIT DOING THAT

Ohhhhh, the episode title...it burns me...

+1 Waiting to tell Alina something that he knows will upset her (his lack of virginity) until she's away from home in Turkey is gross and creepy.

After Betty knocked out a serial killer with a wrench, I guess anything can be used as a weapon in Riverdale.

I assure you I do want to miss it. Desperately.

Catching up on this episode...did Ethan really marry Olivia and expect she would never change at all?

The current Ethan/Olivia relationship drama really highlights why the Plaths' courtship model is such a bad idea. If E/O had been allowed to really get to know each other before they got married, and to do the things that dating couples do, and to talk about all the things that dating couples talk about, they probably would've realized that they're not well-suited for each other. But when having a crush on someone equals a wedding, there isn't the time to come to those realizations.

Matt: I've always been there to protect Kim. Also Matt: I can't miss sleepytime tea with Mommy for even one night!

Every one of these women needs to quit hedging and sugar-coating every damn thing. I recommend the word "no." "You can wear my wedding dress!" "No." "I'm coming on your honeymoon!" "No." "My mommy is designing our house!" "No." "But my mommy likes this couch best!" "No." And if he can't hear no, give him the boot.

What sort of fresh hell is this word gibberish? Why use so many words to say a fat lot of nothing? "Paint your world whatever color you want it to be." Sounds like an inspirational plaque you get at Pottery Barn. Puke.

Ooh, this is great insight! Thanks for sharing! Like he's rebelling against his parents and rebelling against the idea of marrying Jenny.

What do we think the deal is with Dead-Eyed Sumit and Jenny the Shrieking Harpy? He doesn't want to marry her (obviously), but he...won't tell her that? Is afraid to let her down? Seriously, just end this shit show already.

I got a great giggle/snort out of this one.

If I ever told Mr. Grey I loved gazing at the back of his head while en route to Cracker Barrel, thanking God for him as a blessing as I admired his scalp, he'd chew off his own arm to get away.

I'm going to hold onto hope for Little Miss Stoneybrook at some point. I need to see Margo Pike peel a banana with her feet.

This is pure gold in an otherwise stellar summary of this week's episode. At one point during the episode I turned to my poor husband (who will want me to tell you that he does not watch this show) and said, "Did she just hit a probable serial killer in the head with a wrench? In the middle of the woods? In the dark? While terrified? And it knocked him out?" Mr. Grey looked appropriately appalled.

Right?! The women on this show are crazy hot!

I am officially stupid excited.

I yell at my TV a lot during this show. Bride's mom: Hopefully I can get a little bit of what I want. Me: Out of...someone else's dress? That you won't be wearing? And they will?

Angela: LOOK AT MY NEW TITS. LET ME AIM THEM INTO THE CAMERA. Also Angela: I can't believe the disrespect! I am so offended!

This has me rolling. Well done!

Did I just hear Jovi say, in all seriousness, that he expected Yara to always be a good mood? Is he new to humans?

God, can you imagine? Jill: Can I talk to you about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? You: Is this going to take long? My whites are almost ready for the dryer. Jill: Well...salvation...blah blah...sinners...blah blah...blessings...blah blah...printing ministry...yada yada yada. Do you wanna be saved? You: If I say yes, will you go the fuck away?