19 Things I Hate About You: How the Duggars Infuriate

[5cents-worth]

Boob and MEchelle are so sex obsessed, I'm surprised they haven't done premarital genital inspections and provided a step-by-step guide to the "kids'" first sexual experiences.  Heck, I can see Boob and MEchelle sitting in the corner of the bedroom, directing the action.  Boob:  Okay Derrick, you can enter Jill now.

 

IIRC, Jim Bob might have done this before Josh's marriage, although cameras weren't privy to the conversation.  I only remember that afterewards, Josh seemed embarrassed and uncomfortable. In truth, I have to admit to a morbid curiosity about what their sex lives could be like, given how sheltered they have been about anything remotely related to sexual physical closeness with another human being.

 

Re: the dry humping/golf course date, at least Jessa and Jill have seen it's ok to try other sex positions.

 

Unless she was too naive to realize that's what was going on.

 

Being an introvert isn't synonymous with being shy. Of course, Jessa could be both, especially if she's been stunted by years of being trained to shun outsiders. 

 

I always get annoyed when my friends express surprise that I'm capable of socializing with strangers without being completely awkward about it. I can do it, I just don't like to!

 

I agree about it being more social awkwardness than introversion. No one just hangs out with friends, they "fellowship", which seems a lot less fun/spontaneous.  I bet they have what a coworker refers to as good "church basement" social skills - superficial chatter with people who have been deemed safe enough to not lure you into a life of sin in the 10 minutes you are exposed to them.

[truthtalk2014]

Another thing that annoyed/intrigued/puzzled me in the Benessa engagement sideshow was Jessa's reluctance to go up to people who were expecting her and ask them for the red rose. (She had to collect 12 to get the next "clue"). As Jessa seems to have a bit more spirit that some of the others, I was truly surprised by this.

But then today I was reading some older blog entries from "Heresy in the Heartland" and came across one from over 2 years ago about socialisation. And then it really hit me. Jessa did not know how to speak to people she did not know. Not even for something that she really wanted. Most of her growing up would have been in the fundie/gothard style where family was all she was told she needed. I was then surprised that Jinger was able to go up to these people, but she was in charge of keeping to a timetable and knew what was at stake, so had to put nerves or reticence aside and get on with it.

It seems such a natural thing for most people, mixing and doing all sorts of things with people from many and varied backgrounds. Even growing up strict Catholic and going to Catholic schools, my brothers and sisters and I did other things like swimming, dancing, football, gymnastics, basketball and so on where we mixed with all sorts of other kids. Any questions we had about differences were discussed at home. And we were taught about tolerance, variety, and how to sort out for ourselves who we wanted as friends (within reason).

What the Duggars and their ilk do is make it impossible for their kids to have normal interactions with just people in general. I can't imagine not being able to have a short chat with someone I don't know about what is going on around me, or what is in the news, or the weather. It is part of life. But the Duggars actively avoid this unless someone recognises them and asks for their autograph or a picture. I had never realised how important socialisation is to kids until I connected all this. No wonder some of the kids have looked half scared when they are on their trips. They are afraid of what people might do.

And even more insane is that the people were all staged and stand ins provide by TLC.  Nothing to be afraid of there.  It's not like they were just normal people on the street.  They were all placed there and paid their daily rate.  

[truthtalk2014]

Their bullshit Nike as if a male could get turned on seeing a female in clothing then why do they have male cameraman filming the births? Don't they realize the cameraman sees everything? 

Although the camera men might not be turned on but ready to hurl with the toilet scene- which I am yet to see BTW.  I just can't find it.  

 

I think the camera and sound guys must have some stiff stomachs!  Watching all they do- filming the dirt feet and eating on the counters.  OMG- not to mention Grossie Josie and the pizza spitting!  I hope they get paid well. 

[LoraKay]

Interesting... I take that comment as a response to all those people who ask parents of big families 'are they all yours'. I have several friends who have 7 or more kids and their biggest pet peeve is being asked if they are really theirs so I assumed that's what Michelle meant. But you could be right. They are really anti-adoption.

 

I didn't realize they were anti-adoption.. does anyone know why?  (I haven't done too much research, other than reading these forums... :) )

[3girlsforus]

Gothard believes that adopted kids come with the sins of the parents who are obviously sinful since they had a baby they don't want.

Edited March 31, 2015 by 3girlsforus

[Seashell Lover]

What really bugs me is their courtship rules. They claim each couple can make their own rules on the courtship process and long as the rules they make are the ones that Blob and Clown Car tell them.

[GEML]

That bothers me too. I don't actually mind strict rules, but it's clear the Duggar children aren't individual people, only extensions of the parents.

[flyingdi]

Please excuse the offense if this applies to you, but I really cannot stand married couples that refer to each other as Mommy and Daddy.  It may be my mother's influence that there are only two people in your life you call Mom and Dad.  I don't know, I just find it really annoying.  If you're talking to your kids, can't you say, "Your mom or your dad."

[Seashell Lover]

What bugs me is the title of the show 19 kids and counting. It should be 21 kids and counting or better yet 21 kids and Clown Car baby making machine finally closed down. The reason why I said 21 kids because what happened to J'Caleb and Jubilee Shalom don't they still count as your kids or only live births count. You hypocrite Clown Car you can not have it both ways.

[Skittl1321]

I think it would be weird if Michelle counted J'Caleb and Jubilee.

[Apple Clark]

Yeah, most people don't count their lost children. My mom and my fiancé's mom both lost three kids, and we never count them. Even if we did, what if people asked where the other three were, what would we say?

[mbutterfly]

Man, Duggar threads mess me up. I was trying to figure out what Bible verse you might be referring to where God did this.

 

Uh, duh, it's an expression.

It would be fun if it were in Leviticus though, "Do not cleave to a woman with the same Myers-Briggs personality type," saith the LORD. 

 

[Shugardrawers]

There is a HUGE difference between the immigrant cultures who only want the best for their daughters and thosw who want to keep her at home, veiled and ignorant.  Sadly too many families are only looking as far as finding a husband and love, respect and companionabiy makes no impact on these relationship.

[Shugardrawers]

They are saving all the doctor dollars for MEchelle's infertility treatments. 

 

Again....if you trust your god to make decisions for the size of your family by not using birth control then aren't you doing the opposite by seeking fertility treatments?  Maybe your god only wanted you to have 2 or 3 children.  Consider yourselves extremely bless. Some of us were never able to have a single child.....let alone NINETEEN! 

What's sad is they are sex obsessed, but stuck at the maturity level of 15 year olds. So it's not as though they could offer their children real help or insight - still icky, but perhaps helpful. No, it's all about Legos and giggling and holes in one.

 

Possibly because masturbation (which I consider normal and healthy) and any other form of sexuality is forbidden that all these kids are unable to process anything other than "Sex is bad.  Must have sex with spouse.  Sex is bad."

 

The thing that annoys me most about the duggars is the little experiences the kids are missing out on. Like, I get wanting "to protect the hearts of your children",but you just can't do that all the time. Your kids aren't going to be able to grow without a little heartbreak.

It feels like all the Duggar kids are just pre-approved versions of the people they should be. They'll never be in tune with themselves, and in turn, they'll never be truly happy.

 

These kids have no idea what happiness is.  If they ever do truly discover it; it's beaten out of them life from limb.

 

I was watching the older episodes this morning. Even tho MEchelle had the baby voice, she didn't have the wide bug eyes & she didn't talk all chopped up.

It drives me nuts when she says "Brother" or "Sister" when she talks to the children. "Tell Brother you want the ball." First I thought it was laziness or she forgot a kid's name. But one time she said Brother to Jenny then said Jackson in the same sentence. Maybe she thinks she has two extra kids named Brother & Sister.

I also can't stand when MEchelle says the baby version of their names in talking with the kids. "Jin-Jin" is going to take you to Jill's." Same episode she referenced Joy-Joy. Would someone remind her that her youngest child is 5 & she doesn't need to talk that way anymore? She is really stuck in a baby time warp. (Her babies, not grandchildren babies.)

Perhaps because she's become so subservient to her husband that she even feels the need to speak that way?  

 

IMHO ALL these women all the way down to poor Josie need to RUN!  RUN as hard as their skirted legs will take them!

Edited April 2, 2015 by Shugardrawers

[Shugardrawers]

I'm actually glad I didn't have to watch an extremely awkward first kiss from Benessa.   And way to FU internets AND Boob and MEshcelle!

[Jellybeans]

Yeah, most people don't count their lost children. My mom and my fiancé's mom both lost three kids, and we never count them. Even if we did, what if people asked where the other three were, what would we say?

I think or at least I hope you are talking about miscarriages.

I have never heard a mother not count her dead child(ren) as one of her children. I have two children, son aged 33 and a daughter who would be 40 but she died when she was 34. That is what I say. I cannot forget my kids.

Where are they? I don't know. No one has ever asked me that question but I have asked where my daughter is and no one really knows.

[Chai]

I think or at least I hope you are talking about miscarriages.

I have never heard a mother not count her dead child(ren) as one of her children. I have two children, son aged 33 and a daughter who would be 40 but she died when she was 34. That is what I say. I cannot forget my kids.

Where are they? I don't know. No one has ever asked me that question but I have asked where my daughter is and no one really knows.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter. If I could give you a hug I would <3 

[Jellybeans]

Thank you. It is much harder than one thinks to get through it. Anyway....

[3girlsforus]

(((HUGS))) Jellybeans... I can't imagine that you ever really get through it. 

[GEML]

I can't imagine it could think of a way it would ever be easy, Jellybeans. A parent should not have to bear outliving a child.

[Apple Clark]

I think or at least I hope you are talking about miscarriages.

I have never heard a mother not count her dead child(ren) as one of her children. I have two children, son aged 33 and a daughter who would be 40 but she died when she was 34. That is what I say. I cannot forget my kids.

Where are they? I don't know. No one has ever asked me that question but I have asked where my daughter is and no one really knows.

Yes, they were miscarriages, I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, and I'm sorry if I offended or hurt you in any way. I can't imagine how difficult that would be.

[Jellybeans]

It is ok. I think when one loses a child, one becomes very sensitive so.... I am the one that feels I should apologize most times. Sorry if I made anyone upset.

[Barb23]

I'm not sure if my post belongs on this thread (because it does get on my nerves) or the religion thread (because of content) but I'll start with it here.

I'm sure Jesus Christ Superstar would never be on the Duggar's list of approved plays/musicals, if they even had a list. It is one of our family favorites & have seen it numerous times with different acting companies. Just thinking of the end when Jesus rises, brings chills to me now. It usually is in our city around Christmas time, but I think how wonderful it would be to see it at Easter.

I would love to have a conversation with Boob & MEchelle on why they wouldn't take the family to see it. Their reasoning would be the "inappropriate" dancing & music (which I feel are some of the best songs ever written & performed.) To which I would reply "How can any interpretation of Jesus' last week of life be bad?"

[alt0233]

Yeah, most people don't count their lost children. My mom and my fiancé's mom both lost three kids, and we never count them. Even if we did, what if people asked where the other three were, what would we say?

I know lots of moms who count miscarriages - they say xx living children and xx angel babies or something like that - not every time they introduce themselves, but often enough. I am of the age where there are lots of new parents, so for many of them the losses are fresh - within the last 5-10 years in most cases. I also know lots of moms who get a tattoo or a piece of jewelry to memorialize children lost through miscarriage.

But I definitely agree that including them on the into would be weird.

Edited April 3, 2015 by alt0233

[Apple Clark]

My parents have things to memorialize them, but they've never said xx living, xx angel babies. I think that's a really sweet thing to do though. Again, I'm sorry if I offended or hurt anyone with what I said, it wasn't meant to be disrespectful.

[3girlsforus]

Barb, I feel the same thing about their music paranoia. Carrie Underwood sings a version of How Great though Art that is just riveting and that guy from the Voice (don't remember his name) sang The Old Rugged Cross and it had me in tears. But these would be considered inappropriate. I don't get it. 

[GEML]

But there are a lot of women who don't think of miscarriage as losing a child, but a pregnancy. That's how I feel.

[Apple Clark]

Barb, I feel the same thing about their music paranoia. Carrie Underwood sings a version of How Great though Art that is just riveting and that guy from the Voice (don't remember his name) sang The Old Rugged Cross and it had me in tears. But these would be considered inappropriate. I don't get it.

How would those be considered inappropriate? I've heard Carrie Underwood's it was pretty. I don't typically listen to "church music" even though I am Christian, but it was very pretty, nothing inappropriate about it. Singing about how great the Lord is is never inappropriate! I can't wrap my head around it.

[GEML]

It's not that songs are inappropriate, but that people are using them to cash in and make money that most Fundies object to. Now in the case of the Duggars, it's pot, meet kettle, but I've mentioned before that many Fundies actually do feel that way about the Duggars, too.

[3girlsforus]

Other people I've known who might not be fully Fundy but similar object to any music with electrical accompaniments or anyone who sings songs not fully Christian. So even though she was singing How Great thou Art, she also sings songs that aren't hymns. Therefore she is evil. Therefore her rendition of How Great thou Art is evil. Its the commutative property of Fundyhood

as far as the cashing in... for those who disapprove of the Duggars cashing in, which I totally understand, how are they then ok with people like that RV family traveling around singing with their hand out. Isn't that making money off singing hymns? Or is it better because it's basically begging rather than charging money.

[NEGirl]

I do not know if this is the right "topic" to discuss this.If not my apoligies. When everyone was discussing sub. teaching, I know that here in NJ where I live you must have a college degree, provide your diploma, and be fingerprinted with a background check. My sister subbed while unemp. and had to do all the above.  She quit when she got her full-time job. One of my nephews lives in Fla. and only needs an AA or 60 college credits. He was considering moving back here and subbing unil he was employed full-time but checked his mind when he learned he needed a college degree. He only has an AA degree.  I don't think this is any indication on what type of sub teacher a person will be, but NJ has had this rule for many years.

[NEGirl]

I am not sure if this is the correct "topic" to discuss this. If not I apoligze. When everyone was discussing subst. teaching I just want to add here in NJ where I live you must have a college degree. My sister subbed while unemployed and had to provide her original diploma, undergo a background check and be fingerprinted. She did this until she was employed full-time and was paid well.  One of my nephews lives in Fla. and was considering moving back here. When he heard he needed a college degree to sub, he changed his mind. In Fla. you only need 60 college credits or an AA degree, which he has.

[GEML]

Everyone knows families like the Rodriquezes. They give living force to the reason the Bible says "the poor are always with us."

[Ilovemylabs]

I do not know if this is the right "topic" to discuss this.If not my apoligies. When everyone was discussing sub. teaching, I know that here in NJ where I live you must have a college degree, provide your diploma, and be fingerprinted with a background check. My sister subbed while unemp. and had to do all the above.  She quit when she got her full-time job. One of my nephews lives in Fla. and only needs an AA or 60 college credits. He was considering moving back here and subbing unil he was employed full-time but checked his mind when he learned he needed a college degree. He only has an AA degree.  I don't think this is any indication on what type of sub teacher a person will be, but NJ has had this rule for many years.

I subbed in NJ for years.  You only needed 60 college credits, had to be fingerprinted, and take a test about health issues to be sent your sub certificate.  It may have changed.  I had a BA degree but there were a number of subs who were still going to college to complete their Bachelors degree and were subbing. 

[NEGirl]

It has changed. They have required a college degree for quite a few years now. My sister just subbed 1 1/2 years ago.

[Almost 3000]

Other people I've known who might not be fully Fundy but similar object to any music with electrical accompaniments or anyone who sings songs not fully Christian. So even though she was singing How Great thou Art, she also sings songs that aren't hymns. Therefore she is evil. Therefore her rendition of How Great thou Art is evil. Its the commutative property of Fundyhood

as far as the cashing in... for those who disapprove of the Duggars cashing in, which I totally understand, how are they then ok with people like that RV family traveling around singing with their hand out. Isn't that making money off singing hymns? Or is it better because it's basically begging rather than charging money.

This whole idea of a ministry supporting a mega family is often scary, crazy and a set-up for failure. The Duggars do seem to embrace "a heart for ministry" in their selection of mates for their daughters and also their current lifestyle is a ministry disguised reality show. I guess when politics don't work out ministry is an approved fall back profession and the Duggars have succeeded where other families are living on the edge of poverty. The problem with a ministry life style is that these mega families believe that God will provide when in reality they just expect their fellow believers to fund them. The Duggars have gotten pretty lucky having a long run on TV but other families like the RV Rodrigues' and Anna's brother saving the natives in Africa expect their live style to be funded by donations. Anna's father runs what seems to be a respected prison ministry but this is another large family hoping that their ministry will provide. Again, scary and crazy and the Duggars' success just puts more families on this path and their children at risk. That gets on my nerves big time.

[Wellfleet]

I'm not sure if my post belongs on this thread (because it does get on my nerves) or the religion thread (because of content) but I'll start with it here.

I'm sure Jesus Christ Superstar would never be on the Duggar's list of approved plays/musicals, if they even had a list. It is one of our family favorites & have seen it numerous times with different acting companies. Just thinking of the end when Jesus rises, brings chills to me now. It usually is in our city around Christmas time, but I think how wonderful it would be to see it at Easter.

I would love to have a conversation with Boob & MEchelle on why they wouldn't take the family to see it. Their reasoning would be the "inappropriate" dancing & music (which I feel are some of the best songs ever written & performed.) To which I would reply "How can any interpretation of Jesus' last week of life be bad?"

 

I can't imagine what it would be, but also have no doubt they'd figure out a way. Cults and those who follow them always manage to spin things their way - even though their way often sounds asinine to logical, reasonable people.

[TessHarding2]

I think I've been watching for almost one year so I've got enough under my belt to see how they live in general.  I'm from NYC (okay, New Yawk lol) but I don't speak like Joe Pesci or Fran Drescher. My parents speak well and I believe I do too.  I have friends from New Orleans to Melbourne. Rarely do I not understand someone's way of speaking. Maybe a fast talking Scot I will ask to slow down a bit.  WHY cannot I understand a large portion of the Duggars?

 

I'll say this, even with Me-Chelle's helium voice (whoever said that here is brilliant), she speaks slowly and clearly and I can understand her!  Jim Bob swallows some words but I get most of it. Josh speaks very well.  Jill, Jessa, my dear heart Jana and a bunch of the little ones, they seem to drop their "R's" and they all swallow the word married.  To my ear it sounds like "mare-d".  Anna does the same thing.  I can understand Josie better than Jill.  OPEN your mouths and EnUnciate, Duggars.  

Thank you, I feel better.  

[Micks Picks]

Well it's odd that I never thought about it before, but how do you support a family with a prison ministry?  Who pays you?  Not the congregation, surely.  

 

Who can be a substitute teacher varies by state and school district.  The factors influencing who is hired are the number of Bachelor Degree candidates available, the amount the district pays, the number needed which is influenced of course by the number of students.  This goes up and down rather often.  There is a definite boom and bust in the population of school children in various districts.  Like with everything, supply and demand rules qualifications and salary.

[Absolom]

My guess on the support of the prison ministry is several congregations in that area of Florida have taken it on as one of their missions to fund.  Sometimes the denomination will fund a ministry like that also.  It's similar to funding missionaries overseas except these are kept at home.

[GEML]

The Kellers have stated that they have a close tie to the church they attend, and they may be part of local, regional and national networks that support prison ministry. That said, prison ministry is the least funded ministry in Fundy/evangelical churches today. It is the least supported and talked about. That Anna's father is doing it is actually kind of counter cultural now.

[Barb23]

Does anyone know what type of work Mr Keller did before entering Gothard land & the prison ministry? I'm assuming like Gil Bates who left a well paying "outside" job with benefits, Mr. Keller could have done the same. Not sure if this was the case, just guessing on my part.

[3girlsforus]

That's interesting. I didn't realize prison ministries were so underfunded. All the churches I've ever attended support prison ministry. I've always felt it's a very important ministry. 

[GEML]

It used to be a much more supported ministry, but as prisons have become tied to political "law and order" political issues, it's seen it's funding plummet. Not even Chuck Colson's ministries have been sufficient to protect funds in a mega church era where most people now live in a post-Watergate world.

[amitville]

It is ok. I think when one loses a child, one becomes very sensitive so.... I am the one that feels I should apologize most times. Sorry if I made anyone upset.

Jellybeans you could not upset anyone. I always look forward to your posts.

[allonsyalice]

uhm, this isn't strictly the duggars, and I'm sure someone's said this. but the silly pop ups on the episodes? need to go. I'm watching Jessa's wedding, and if the paster officated all of the ceremonies, he'd spend 15 hours officiating! not amazing. Like they're always written like it is a shocking fact but it isnt. 

[Wellfleet]

uhm, this isn't strictly the duggars, and I'm sure someone's said this. but the silly pop ups on the episodes? need to go. I'm watching Jessa's wedding, and if the paster officated all of the ceremonies, he'd spend 15 hours officiating! not amazing. Like they're always written like it is a shocking fact but it isnt. 

 

OMG, I'll sign THAT petition. These things have become beyond lame...

[andromeda331]

Since its Easter, I'm assuming the Duggars don't do Easter egg hunts. I hope so but if they don't it makes me so sad for the kids. It was always so much fun. With all those kids they could have a really big Easter egg hunt. My grandma used to be the one who threw it for all her grandkids and great-nieces and nephews. My parents recently found and put on DVD old home movies and one was of a Easter egg hunt at her house before I was born with my brother who was so little and all my cousins were really young but my granddad was still alive and my great-grandparents were still alive having a ton of fun helping them find their eggs and my brother was about two and didn't really understand what they were playing until his great-grandma opened up one of those eggs to show him there was candy inside. His little eyes got so excited. Those are the kind of memories they should be making with their kids and grandkids. As someone who had really really great parents, grandparents and great-grandparents it makes me sad what those kids and grandkids are missing out on.

[TessHarding2]

Not sure where this question goes - but what is considered "woman's work"?  Did any of the older boy buddies change the little boys' diapers was that always up to the girls? Did the older buddy girls bathe their little brothers?

 

I see the boys like to cook and their cooking creativity seems to be encouraged, so I'm guessing that's not designated as woman's work.

Do the boys/young men participate in the laundry work? Housework?  Like mopping those ten miles of tile floors!!???

[kalamac]

I wondered that when I read about Ben scrubbing toilets. I would have thought that would be considered women's work by JB. Although maybe that was the point, JB thinking he's funny by making Ben do what he considers women's work.