Movie Lessons

[methodwriter85]

What are your favorite movie lessons?

 

I'll start.

 

If you're in the middle of a love triangle between the free-spirited, passionate person and a stiff, responsible and dependable person, ALWAYS go for the free spirit. Always. (Unless you're in a Jane Austen movie.)

[Ohwell]

If you've got a gun pointed at somebody, don't keep yammering on and on and on about how you're going to shoot the person.  SHOOT, DAMMIT!  Don't give the person time to knock the gun out of your hand, or let someone else come up from behind and clock you upside the head.  I know this is a well-worn movie trick but it just drives me nuts.

[ribboninthesky1]

Also related, exposition-y villains.  Why on Earth is it a good idea to tell the person (or people) trying to stop you the exact plan? I mean, even if you plan to kill them, it seems pointless to tell them. 

[Snowprince]

If the monster is coming at you don't just stand there and scream, RUN! And if you're female and decide to run, TAKE OFF YOUR HEELS FIRST! Not only are you less likely to trip and fall but if the monster catches you, high heels make pretty good improvised weapons.

Edited June 8, 2014 by Snowprince

[Ohwell]

Don't have knife holders conveniently out in the open on the kitchen counter or hanging on the walls, just waiting for the assailant to grab one!  Put the knives in the drawer so the assailant has to fish around for one, giving you time to get the hell out of the house.

[methodwriter85]

If you're a young woman who survived a brutal serial killer that killed all your friends, and it's about a year or two later and you have an entirely new group of friends and have finally started to move on with your life, expect either the serial killer (who didn't really die) or a copycat killer to start the killings all over again. You'll either die early on and another girl will take on the mantle of the "last girl", or you'll be the last girl once again with maybe 2 or 3 (at the absolute most) friends who survive.

If you're a young woman who survived a brutal serial killer that killed all your friends, and it's about a year or two later and you have an entirely new group of friends and have finally started to move on with your life, expect either the serial killer (who didn't really die) or a copycat killer to start the killings all over again. You'll either die early on and another girl will take on the mantle of the "last girl", or you'll be the last girl once again with maybe 2 or 3 (at the absolute most) friends who survive.

[Ohwell]

If you are fighting someone and you knock him/her down, thinking said person is down for good, DO NOT turn your back on that person and start walking away, because said person will probably get up and clock you from behind.  Dumbass.

[OakGoblinFly]

Apparently it is perfectly logical to run UP the stairs to the roof when being pursued by villain/monster. 

 

Also, it is excepted to walk INTO a dark house with a busted door and blood splatter on the porch.  You get bonus points for flicking the light switch several times before muttering "power must be out" and then whispering "hello, is anyone here?"

 

And every trip to the grocery store results in a baguette and some leafy green being sported from the top of the brown paper bag. 

[Ohwell]

And every trip to the grocery store results in a baguette and some leafy green being sported from the top of the brown paper bag.

This!

[OakGoblinFly]

Passwords will always be a single word or perhaps a full name and never, ever contain numbers and/or special symbols. 

[ribboninthesky1]

If you're the protagonist in an action film, you will never suffer any injuries that inhibit you from kicking ass and taking names.  You will also continue to look incredibly attractive despite the amount of blood, dirt, and sweat on your body.  And your significant other will have no qualms about making out with you in said state.

[Ohwell]

If the man and woman had previously hated each other, they will invariably come around and have mad, passionate sex.  He will either slam her up against a wall, and bang her, or take his arm and sweep every damn thing off the table or desk, and bang her.  It's supposed to be "hot" and passionate, but it just  looks like it hurts.  All I can think about are the bruises, and if a man swept all my shit on the floor, broken dishes, etc,, he would have to pay me for them and he'd never see me again.

[OakGoblinFly]

The big strapping man can be shot, stabbed, kicked, and repeated punched and not utter a single complaint.  However, the second the antiseptic hits his skin he will recoil in pain while uttering "ow" to which female administering said antiseptic will complain that the big strapping man is acting like a baby.

[Spartan Girl]

People in horror movies should never own pets.

[jah1986]

When shooting a crazy person, especially a psychotic ex-husband/boyfriend that you escaped from, empty the gun. Do not think two or three bullets will stop crazy. They will get up, grab the gun and try to shoot you with the remaining bullets. Empty the gun.

[Joe]

The big strapping man can be shot, stabbed, kicked, and repeated punched and not utter a single complaint.  However, the second the antiseptic hits his skin he will recoil in pain while uttering "ow" to which female administering said antiseptic will complain that the big strapping man is acting like a baby.

You could put that down to adrenaline, really. When you're going, you barely feel it. Only when you calm down and get patched up does it hurt. So I imagine, anyway.

[Snowprince]

You could put that down to adrenaline, really. When you're going, you barely feel it. Only when you calm down and get patched up does it hurt. So I imagine, anyway.

That's been my experience.

[OakGoblinFly]

When a love one suddenly drops to the ground (heart attack, poison, shot - take your pick) cradle said love one while screaming "someone help me!" instead of dialing 911 on your cell phone.

 

 

And speaking of cell phones, it might be a good idea to put it on silence when sneaking into your opponent's headquarters because you just know someone is going to call at the most inopportune moment.

[Ohwell]

If there is a horror movie with a bunch of twenty-somethings, the most attractive ones will be the last ones standing.  

[Shannon L.]

Every single teen party takes place at a big home with a pool. Alcohol and marijuana are involved, vomiting in the pool is going to happen and the place is always trashed beyond recognition, including toilet paper in the trees and bushes.

Edited June 11, 2014 by Shannon L.

[ramble]

@Shannon L I'll add to yours by saying that generally said party is broken up by parents/teachers/cops yelling in a way somehow heard by every single person in the house. The kids will manage to scatter quicker than roaches when the light comes on. There will be screeching tires as kids race away. Some folks will run wildly down the middle of the street while screaming. However no one will get caught & the adults will all be seemingly frozen in place or run around wildly yelling about kids & big trouble.

[Lonesome Rhodes]

Related to teen party:  When a principal character arrives at a gathering with lots of folks, they will always be able to park right at the driveway or the curb of the place having said gathering.  Never mind the dozens of folks who are already there - parking is always convenient!

[Rick Kitchen]

 

And speaking of cell phones, it might be a good idea to put it on silence when sneaking into your opponent's headquarters because you just know someone is going to call at the most inopportune moment.

 

If not your cell phone, you will sneeze to alert the bad guys.

[Shannon L.]

An out of town cop, whether visiting and ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time, or going against orders and investigating a murder that took him to another state, will always be the smart one and the officers in that state's precinct will be bumbling idiots until such time that at least one or two of them start believing the out of towner.  At this point, they may still be bumbling cops, but at least they are believers and all in with the new guy, no matter what kind of trouble they may get into (which they don't, because they were right in finally believing the out of town cop).

Edited June 15, 2014 by Shannon L.

[OakGoblinFly]

Never say "Well, it could be worse" because it will eventually get worse.

 

 

The villain will always monologue within earshot of the hero thus given the hero enough information to foil the villain's plot.

[CaughtOnTape]

The time honored most important lesson ever.  If there's a sound in the basement, go make sure it's not something serious.  Don't lock the door, barricade it with furniture, grab a knife and call 9-1-1.

[Rick Kitchen]

The girl who just had sex will be the first one killed by a serial killer in a remote cabin.

[xls]

Related to teen party:  When a principal character arrives at a gathering with lots of folks, they will always be able to park right at the driveway or the curb of the place having said gathering.  Never mind the dozens of folks who are already there - parking is always convenient!

LOL. Love this.

 

 

Aliens who invade Earth ALWAYS have a force field around their ship and can easily killed by having water thrown on them.

Edited July 18, 2014 by xls

[Kel Varnsen]

If you're the protagonist in an action film, you will never suffer any injuries that inhibit you from kicking ass and taking names.  You will also continue to look incredibly attractive despite the amount of blood, dirt, and sweat on your body.  And your significant other will have no qualms about making out with you in said state.

If your a protagonist in an action movie your car also won't have airbags. So it can totally get banged up during a high speed chase and you never have to worry about it going off.

 

Also any average person or the street (or a kid) can run a giant (like Fortune 500) business. Sure they might not have any formal business training or experience in the field, but that is ok because their outsider opinions and new ideas for how to do things will totally make up for it.

[RubyWoo72]

Every single teen party takes place at a big home with a pool. Alcohol and marijuana are involved, vomiting in the pool is going to happen and the place is always trashed beyond recognition, including toilet paper in the trees and bushes.

And a host of second - story bedrooms, at least one of which is being humped in by hot young people who don't live there.

Also, the Friend That You Has a Crush on You But You Never Knew It and Instead, You Tell Said Friend about Your Romantic Woes/ Conquests is the person you should've been dating all along. (And in real life too, sometimes.)

[xls]

If someone is trying to rescue you from falling off a building/ship/mountain by grabbing your hand, only hold on WITH ONE HAND, The other hand must flail about doing nothing to help your situation.

[RubyWoo72]

You will develop an uncanny sense of hearing if you go to a club, as someone will be able to speak to you in a normal tone of voice, over loud thumping music. No shouting required.

[ribboninthesky1]

If someone is trying to rescue you from falling off a building/ship/mountain by grabbing your hand, only hold on WITH ONE HAND, The other hand must flail about doing nothing to help your situation.

 

Miraculously, that one-handed grip is enough to defy the law of gravity (unless you're a supporting character with no real relevance to the story).  Apparently, everyone has tremendous upper body strength that they can dangle for several seconds, or longer, with a one handed grip. Doesn't matter if you're hundreds or thousands of feet in the air, with wind shears and other environmental elements working against you.  Apparently, it's just like the monkey bars on a common playground. 

[tinaw]

If you have a bad feeling that somerhing is not right. Youre being watched or something is moved. Be sure to stay IN THE HOUSE. Lock the doors and dont try to protect yourself

[MrsRafaelBarba]

If you get the upper hand on a killer and beat the damn breaks off his/her ass.

Don't stop until bone, blood and brain matter is everywhere.

See You're Next, for excellent reference.

[xls]

If you get the upper hand on a killer and beat the damn breaks off his/her ass.

Don't stop until bone, blood and brain matter is everywhere.

See You're Next, for excellent reference.

If you knock the gun out of their hand, DON'T PICK IT UP IN CASE YOU NEED IT LATER, just run.

[RubyWoo72]

If you knock the gun out of their hand, DON'T PICK IT UP IN CASE YOU NEED IT LATER, just run.

And if you do pick it up, it will only produce a loud click, as it will be out of bullets. Of course.

[xls]

And if you'e a drug dealer/ bank robber or someone paying a ransom you have neat, perfect stacks of BRAND NEW money, that looks like it was just printed and cut. This is a TV lesson also., 

[midge]

If you are a henchman and you and your coworkers get into a fight with the hero, be polite and wait your turn while each individual goes one on one with him    The efficiency and increased likelihood of success  by attacking the hero as group is not one of your yearly performance goals!

[RubyWoo72]

If you are a henchman and you and your coworkers get into a fight with the hero, be polite and wait your turn while each individual goes one on one with him The efficiency and increased likelihood of success by attacking the hero as group is not one of your yearly performance goals!

This! I always wonder why all 5 Bad Guys don't just jump on the Hero at the same damn time. Maybe they teach Ass-Whoopin Etiquette in Henchman School.

[Snowprince]

This! I always wonder why all 5 Bad Guys don't just jump on the Hero at the same damn time. Maybe they teach Ass-Whoopin Etiquette in Henchman School.

Mass attacks are a serious breach of the Henchman's Union bylaws and could result in sanctions up to and including expulsion. Dues payments of expelled members are not refundable. 

Edited July 20, 2014 by Snowprince

[Joe]

Mass attacks are a serious breach of the Henchman's Union bylaws and could result in sanctions up to and including expulsion. Dues payments of expelled members are not refundable. 

Fights are hard to write. The more people you add, the harder it is. It's a whole lot easier to do one vs one, over and over. I imagine the same applies to filming them.

[BooBear]

If you are a woman and you meet a man that is rude to you, dismissive, or otherwise quiet and disagreeable, he is doing these things because he loves you.

[RubyWoo72]

If you are a woman and you meet a man that is rude to you, dismissive, or otherwise quiet and disagreeable, he is doing these things because he loves you.

Yes. And by that same token, any initial squabbles/ spats between two good-looking members of the opposite sex will guarantee them a make out/ sex scene 28 minutes later.

[methodwriter85]

If you're a woman in a romantic comedy, you must ALWAYS go for the free spirited musician/actor/writer etc. instead of the perfect guy with the stable job who adores you.

 

Speaking of teens, all proms happen at their high school. No one ever rents out a conference center or hotel ballroom.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

If you're a woman in a romantic comedy, you must ALWAYS go for the free spirited musician/actor/writer etc. instead of the perfect guy with the stable job who adores you.

A corollary to this is that if you meet someone you have nothing in common with, and the two of you fight all the time, then that person is your true love. Because being with someone compatible is boring and means you lack that mysterious thing known as 'chemistry'.

[Rick Kitchen]

If you're a woman in a romantic comedy, you must ALWAYS go for the free spirited musician/actor/writer etc. instead of the perfect guy with the stable job who adores you.

 

 

Reminds me of the Daniel Radcliffe film What If.  The girl is in a six-year relationship with a world famous international copyright attorney and she falls for Daniel Radcliffe, a medical school dropout who apparently works as a copy editor.

[Bruinsfan]

And if you do pick it up, it will only produce a loud click, as it will be out of bullets. Of course.

At this point you must discard it as useless. Flailing helplessly against an attacker's chest with your open palms while screaming is a much more effective strategy than pistol-whipping him with a metal gun.

[roamyn]

If u are the love struck female teen who's confined to her bedroom...just open the window. There will always be a large tree w/a big branch right outside it.

[BatmanBeatles]

If you go to a small hick town never, ever make fun of the locals. It'll be the last thing you do.