Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Sandman87]

Only On TV can you spend the weekend at a beautiful mountain lake resort...in Kansas. Yes Smallville, I'm looking at you.

 

(Fun fact: There are technically mountains in Kansas. They're...less than impressive. Majestic Mount Sunflower for instance, which is the highest peak in the state.)

[shapeshifter]

Only on TV do 90% of non-earth planets have the same trees and beaches as Vancouver Island.

[kiddo82]

Or take off her bra first thing. Or is that just me?

Only on TV do people who haven't left the house all day walk around presentably clothed and, in the case of women, have a full face of makeup on.* Also, people who are in for the night seldom get changed until right before bed.

*You see people in sweats/boxers and oversized shirts sometimes, but usually only for comedic effect or with schlub husband to emphasize his schlubbiness.

Edited July 22, 2014 by kiddo82

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Only on TV do women in comas have perfect makeup and hair. So they can go dancing once they wake up after being unconscious for ten years or more.

[Bella]

Or take off her bra first thing. Or is that just me?

 

When my mom, a teacher, was explaining how much she hated her glasses, she said "When I get home, I take them off first, even before I take off my bra." All women knew what she meant.

[janie jones]

Only on TV do people who haven't left the house all day walk around presentably clothed and, in the case of women, have a full face of makeup on.* Also, people who are in for the night seldom get changed until right before bed.

Only on TV do people wear shoes when they're just hanging around the house.

[Shannon L.]

 

Or take off her bra first thing. Or is that just me?

 

Even if I have to leave again an hour later, mine comes off (less than that, though, I don't bother). 

 

 

Only on TV do people who haven't left the house all day walk around presentably clothed and, in the case of women, have a full face of makeup on.* Also, people who are in for the night seldom get changed until right before bed.

I know, what's up with that?  I can't sit in my pjs all day, but something like yoga pants (sometimes jeans) and comfortable t-shirt are my go to "home all day" clothes.  Its why the funniest thing about The Goldbergs, for me, was when the father came home and stripped off his pants as soon as the front door shut behind him--every one of us in my household can relate.  As for shoes, @janie jones, I'd go barefoot out in public if I could get away with it. 

 

 

Only on TV do women in comas have perfect makeup and hair. So they can go dancing once they wake up after being unconscious for ten years or more.

Same with women who've just delivered their first baby (I say first because, for me, the second one was so easy, I came home and was booted out of the kitchen to rest when I attempted to make dinner). 

 

I think being able to do great feats after being severely injured was mentioned already.  We're watching a show right now in which a man who was just shot near the shoulder blade is now, a few days later, walking and running around, using all his muscle to pull someone out of a hole with a rope, etc.--it's quite remarkable how quickly he got over that injury. 

[Bella]

And it's amazing how many bullets aimed at the chest go into that tiny little (imaginary but convenient) spot on the shoulder where it makes absolutely no difference! Also, thigh-grazing is evidently extremely common when bullets are aimed at the chest.

[Snowprince]

Semi Truth in Television. Most people in actual real world situations are notoriously poor shots, shooting on the move at moving targets that aren't well lit and stationary. Shooting's not as easy as TV and movies would make it look.

Edited July 22, 2014 by Snowprince

[ganesh]

Only on TV do 90% of non-earth planets have the same trees and beaches as Vancouver Island.

 

No alien in the history of the universe ever has used a contraction in conversation.

[RubyWoo72]

No alien in the history of the universe ever has used a contraction in conversation.

And that alien most likely had a British accent.

[Kromm]

And that alien most likely had a British accent.

One of these days, just as a laugh, I'd like to come across aliens with a Hispanic accent (unless I'm watching Telemundo, where it might be too predictable).

[ganesh]

Actually Babylon 5 did have aliens with different accents. Some even were the same race. When asked, the creator said, 'well we all talk different on this planet, so it's kind of dumb to think an entire planet looks/talks the same.'

 

There's different accents in England, which is *tiny* let alone the whole planet. And I don't mean Welsh, English, Scottish either. 

 

This is why I hate when actors have to use an accent that's not natural to them on tv because there's usually a pretty easy workaround. 

[mansonlamps]

Or take off her bra first thing. Or is that just me?

Not just you. I'd take it off in the car if I thought I could get away with it. Edited July 22, 2014 by mansonlamps

[shapeshifter]

Not just you. I'd take it off in the car if I thought I could get away with it.

I did that once on my way home in bumper to bumper traffic.

So, if it's that common, how is it that this never happens in sitcoms?

Even if I have to leave again an hour later, mine comes off (less than that, though, I don't bother).

That is one rule I live by too. ;>)

Yoo hoo! Sitcom writers! Are you gettin' all this down? Gold!

I'm pretty sure this is an Only on TV thing:

Some one says after getting shot, "It's just a flesh wound."

Edited July 22, 2014 by shapeshifter

[RubyWoo72]

Only on tv do women wear white pants (while doing cartwheels, no less) during That Time.

Come to think of it, only on tv do women do cartwheels at all during That Time.

[ganesh]

Only on tv do the bad guys get knocked out by one punch to the face. 

[Rick Kitchen]

 

Only On TV, can you be a lawyer in a huge city and yet face the same opposing lawyer in every single trial!

 

With whom you have had, are having, or will have a romantic relationship.  Perhaps all three at the same time.

[Shannon L.]

 

Not just you. I'd take it off in the car if I thought I could get away with it.

I did that once on my way home in bumper to bumper traffic.

I've perfected this procedure, but only when I'm on a long car ride home and know I'm not stopping anywhere along the way.  My kids were mortified at first, to which I responded "What?  All anyone saw, including you, was a white strap (if that) for a couple of seconds, and no flesh whatsoever."  Now, they just roll their eyes.

 

 

Yoo hoo! Sitcom writers! Are you gettin' all this down? Gold!

Seconded!

[AntiBeeSpray]

Only on tv do the bad guys get knocked out by one punch to the face. 

Or get dazed by one punch. Saw that on a Perry Mason tv movie XD.

[RubyWoo72]

Only on tv are people able to easily hump in the guy-is-standing-and-girl's-back-is-braced-on-the-wall position, fully-clothed, with no foreplay and very little, um, fumbling around to find Door #1.

Again--unless I've been doing that wrong, too.

[ABay]

I'd like to share in the removing the bra meme, but bralessness in any situation outside of bed has not been an option for me since high school. I am certain there are others who can relate.

 

Of the other things mentioned recently, people always wearing shoes indoors has been a pet peeve of mine for years. I come in the door, the shoes are off. I guess that's my version of removing a bra because shoes I will remove in the car and drive barefoot if it's warm. And shoes belong by the outside door, not in a closet with clothes--tracking dirt through the house, getting the sweaty shoe smell on other clothes, gross.

 

I have also marveled at the one-punch knock-out so many TV guys can deliver.

[RubyWoo72]

Oh, but it's okay, @ABay, because when the characters put their feet up on the table, the shoes are always brand new! Because everyone in the tv world has an unlimited supply of brand new shoes :)

[Bella]

Pets and small children track things around the house that you might not want to step on (cat litter, Legos), but that's why flip-flops and house slippers exist. Of course, none of this is ever on TV.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

That's because on TV pets and small children conveniently vanish into the ether unless they're specifically needed for an 'Awwww....." moment (the kids) or wacky hijinks (the pets.)

[Kel Varnsen]

I have also marveled at the one-punch knock-out so many TV guys can deliver.

On the flip side, I am marveled by people on tv who can get knocked unconscious on a regular basis and have no lasting effects. I mean in pro sports you hear about players getting a concussion or 2 and they have long lasting, sometimes permanent brain problems. On TV someone can get knocked out more than once a season and be fine. Giles from buffy should have had the intelligence of a 5 year old and/or the memory of a fish with the amount of times he was knocked out. 

[RubyWoo72]

@shapeshifter, you've started a movement. (Actually, that's a whole lotta movement with this growing group of free-boobers. And I'm giggling as I type this because I'm back in 6th grade right now.)

[shapeshifter]

@shapeshifter, you've started a movement. (Actually, that's a whole lotta movement with this growing group of free-boobers. And I'm giggling as I type this because I'm back in 6th grade right now.)

LOL. Don't remind me of 6th grade. That was the first time I wanted to take the thing off!

If the TV people decide to finally have a woman who takes her bra off first thing when she gets in the door (after the shoes, and maybe the glasses), they could hire us to show how it's done without revealing anything that couldn't be seen in the first hour of prime time on network TV.

On the flip side, I am marveled by people on tv who can get knocked unconscious on a regular basis and have no lasting effects. I mean in pro sports you hear about players getting a concussion or 2 and they have long lasting, sometimes permanent brain problems. On TV someone can get knocked out more than once a season and be fine. Giles from buffy should have had the intelligence of a 5 year old and/or the memory of a fish with the amount of times he was knocked out.

MacGyver was anti-gun, so instead he was always knocking people out. I would think one of those so-called "flesh wound" gunshot injuries would be kinder.

[Sandman87]

Only in TV science fiction can you make a device run better by "reversing the polarity." That's the functional equivalent of making your car run better by hooking the battery up backward.
 

Giles from buffy should have had the intelligence of a 5 year old and/or the memory of a fish with the amount of times he was knocked out.

Some fans have speculated that all those knocks on the head are what turned him into a complete incompetent in the last couple of seasons.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

@shapeshifter, you've started a movement. (Actually, that's a whole lotta movement with this growing group of free-boobers. And I'm giggling as I type this because I'm back in 6th grade right now.)

To quote Jerry Lee Lewis, there's a whole lotta shakin' goin' on........

[FormerMod-a1]

I'd like to share in the removing the bra meme, but bralessness in any situation outside of bed has not been an option for me since high school. I am certain there are others who can relate.

 

Of the other things mentioned recently, people always wearing shoes indoors has been a pet peeve of mine for years. I come in the door, the shoes are off. I guess that's my version of removing a bra because shoes I will remove in the car and drive barefoot if it's warm. And shoes belong by the outside door, not in a closet with clothes--tracking dirt through the house, getting the sweaty shoe smell on other clothes, gross.

 

I agree with both points.  First, my bras are comfortable so it's not something that bothers me, and second I like to have the girls contained.  Otherwise they just get in the way while trying to do things (chores, etc).  But shoes?  They come off as soon as I'm in the door.  My parents have said I've liked "naked feet" since I was a little baby.  Shoes are the last thing I put on before leaving and the first thing to come off.  Even if I'm only in the house 15 minutes the shoes come off.  Jewelry is almost the same, comes off right after the shoes, but that I will leave on if I'm only home for a bit - up to 1 hour.  Otherwise it comes off too.  And I *love* jewelry of all kinds - but it's some kind of trigger when I get home, suddenly I really aware I'm wearing it.  

 

That said it would be nice if people on TV took something off as soon as they came in, whether it be a bra, shoes, jewelry... just something.  The most you see are keys being thrown down or a purse being put down.    The thing that does bother me about bras on TV though are when women are clearly wearing them while in their PJs.  Not that I need to see them jiggling around, but if the straps are apparent or even visible I can't help but notice.

[Mountainair]

I agree with both points. First, my bras are comfortable so it's not something that bothers me, and second I like to have the girls contained. Otherwise they just get in the way while trying to do things (chores, etc). But shoes? They come off as soon as I'm in the door. My parents have said I've liked "naked feet" since I was a little baby. Shoes are the last thing I put on before leaving and the first thing to come off. Even if I'm only in the house 15 minutes the shoes come off. Jewelry is almost the same, comes off right after the shoes, but that I will leave on if I'm only home for a bit - up to 1 hour. Otherwise it comes off too. And I *love* jewelry of all kinds - but it's some kind of trigger when I get home, suddenly I really aware I'm wearing it.

That said it would be nice if people on TV took something off as soon as they came in, whether it be a bra, shoes, jewelry... just something. The most you see are keys being thrown down or a purse being put down. The thing that does bother me about bras on TV though are when women are clearly wearing them while in their PJs. Not that I need to see them jiggling around, but if the straps are apparent or even visible I can't help but notice.

I agree for the most part however, honestly, the only time I am not wearing a bra is when I bathe or sexy times :) I have a few comfy sports bras I wear at night and nicer bras for the day. I am a stay at home mom and while I don't wear makeup daily, I still shower, dress nicely I.e. A summer dress, skirt or tank with jeans. Even If I don't leave the house, it just helps me feel ready for the day. Now, come 7:00pm I'm dressed in my PJ's for sure!

Shoes, I just can't keep my house clean enough to go barefoot. A dog, a cat, a 1 and 4 year old, there's always something on the floor that makes my feet feel gritty, Nevermind the fact that I sweep daily!

Edited July 23, 2014 by Mountainair

[RubyWoo72]

Only on tv can you hear punches being landed. I haven't had a fight since 1987, but it would have been way more entertaining, had the few punches I threw sounded like "KSH!"

(And not that I condone violence but I was a kid and that girl was bigger than me.)

Edited July 23, 2014 by RubyWoo72

[ABay]

Some fans have speculated that all those knocks on the head are what turned him into a complete incompetent in the last couple of seasons.

 

That's my fanwank for why Ben became an idiot in season 6 of Lost.

Edited July 23, 2014 by ABay

[Bella]

I work from home and I seem to wear the local SAHM "uniform" - a loose top over yoga pants or shorts, depending on the season. No SAHM on TV ever wears this, however, despite it being quite comfortable, appropriate for meeting the UPS guy, allowing movement, etc., etc.

 

If there are Hollywood costumers reading this thread right now, I imagine they are hating on us, because any bozo could pick up these clothes at Costco in 10 minutes and be done with it.

[shapeshifter]

Only on tv can you hear punches being landed. I haven't had a fight since 1987, but it would have been way more entertaining, had the few punches I threw sounded like "KSH!"

(And not that I condone violence but I was a kid and that girl was bigger than me.)

Being a very small boned person (I was even called "runt" in middle school) I never engaged in punching contests (running away is my thing) so I always wondered about those "KSH" sounds. They were obviously fake, but I figured that they were based on reality. So, no?

"Only on TV" do punches make sounds (not counting if a nose breaks)?

[Shannon L.]

This was unique to soap operas (from what I can remember):  Women wear huge, clip on earrings and always remove one before answering the telephone.  In the 80s, I wore huge earrings (not clip ons-I had pierced ears) and they never really got in the way of the telephone.

[RubyWoo72]

Being a very small boned person (I was even called "runt" in middle school) I never engaged in punching contests (running away is my thing) so I always wondered about those "KSH" sounds. They were obviously fake, but I figured that they were based on reality. So, no?

"Only on TV" do punches make sounds (not counting if a nose breaks)?

I should have said that punches have a different sound, when landed. Usually "OW!" or "MMPH!" or "I'm tellin'!!" when I was on the receiving end of said punches. I'm guessing you *could* probably hear a nose being broken (my pugilistic skills were subpar, unfortunately, so I have no experience there), but unless your opponent is made entirely of plywood, there's very little sound IRL.

[BoogieBurns]

unless your opponent is made entirely of plywood

 

We do always have to consider this alternative. Hahaha

[Aquarius]

We do always have to consider this alternative. Hahaha

 

BWAHAHA!

[Rick Kitchen]

 

Since we're talking about feet, a thing I've noticed on TV is that when a character/actor puts their bare feet so that the camera/viewer can see the bottoms the feet always look especially dirty to me.  That's even fastidious female characters, in bed.  I think they get dirty on the studio floor or something, but it bugs the crap outta me.

 

Porn.  This bugs me every time.  Maybe I'm not the target audience.  :/

[ganesh]

When a woman has a baby on tv, you can cue up the "work/life balance" plot. You can set your watch to it.

[CoderLady]

And yet somehow she's always surrounded by reliable family and friends who will help her, has a fulfilling job/career to return to working with people who will accommodate her schedule, and plenty of money coming in though she grumbles prettily about how much childcare will cost her.

[ganesh]

#enjoli

[RubyWoo72]

#enjoli

I can bring home the bacon

(Da nuh nuh NUH)

Fry it up in the pan

And nehva ehva ehva let you fo'get you's a man

'Cause I'm a wuh-mun

Enjoli!

Lol!

[Cobalt Stargazer]

I can bring home the bacon

(Da nuh nuh NUH)

Fry it up in the pan

And nehva ehva ehva let you fo'get you's a man

'Cause I'm a wuh-mun

Enjoli!

Lol!

dies

 

I was young when the Enjoli ads first came out, but now that I'm old, I wonder if 'fry it up in the pan' isn't some kind of subversive sex metaphor that they slipped past the censors.

 

Only on TV do people become addicts and/or alcoholics in less than a week, then get clean in less time than that. #I'm so excited, I'm so excited.....I'm so scared!

[Kel Varnsen]

Only on TV is the ability to resist torture completely depending on if you are a "good guy" or a "bad guy". Good guys can hold out under torture pretty much indefinitely where as bad guys will buckle just under the threat of being tortured.

 

The nice thing about bad guys buckling under the threat of torture is that they always know what you want answers to and will give you the exact information you want. Want to know where a bomb is hidden or what happened to a little girl. The suspect you have in custody will always know, and will always tell you the truth instead of making up some fake ass name or location to waste your time.

Edited July 24, 2014 by Kel Varnsen

[Shannon L.]

 

Good guys can hold out under torture pretty much indefinitely

And as soon as they are rescued/escape they can jump right into action again like it was nothing more than a brief fist fight!

[RubyWoo72]

Only on tv can you rock the steering wheel frantically from side to side and still drive your car perfectly straight.

[MaryMitch]

Only on TV does the bad guy waste time explaining his wicked evil plans to the good guy, giving the good guy and his friends time to rescue him.