Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[shang yiet]

I think the 'kiss the bride' ritual is so unnecessary. It's  always played on TV like the groom can hardly wait to get to the bedroom.  And why do brides and grooms have to wait right until they are actually halfway through their vows before changing their minds?

Edited March 15, 2016 by shang yiet

[proserpina65]

In every wedding I've been to or in, the bridesmaids have processed in unescorted and out escorted by their partners. Granted, the vast majority of weddings I've been to or in have been religious ceremonies so I'm not sure if that has something to do with it, but I've seen the same procession even in the non religious weddings.

I was in my brother's wedding, and all of us bridesmaids came in unescorted.  I'm not even sure there were an equal number of groomsmen.  And it wasn't a religious ceremony - they got married in the fire hall because it was cheaper to have the wedding and the reception at the same place.  When I was in a friend's wedding, I think the groomsmen met the bridesmaids halfway down the aisle in the processional, but it's been years, so I could be mis-remembering.

[ganesh]

I think the 'kiss the bride' ritual is so unnecessary.

 

The entire wedding is really unnecessary. I feel so bad for the women. I rent a tux for less than $100, and bring it back nbd. What guy doesn't look good even in a cheap tux? Ladies have to actually buy a dress, and coordinate colors, and general lady things. You get 6,7+ women around where they have to get all done up for something and you're asking for trouble. Which I'm figuring the dress is $200 at the least, and it's highly unlikely you wear it again. Plus the shoes. Then they have to be dyed too. 

 

Ugh, and if you have to do it in a church and kneel there up front for like an hour and a half. How many times have you heard the "when two become one" sermon from the priest? It's like the only one ever at every wedding all the time. I feel like breaking out with a bad Atlantic Starr song from the 80s. 

Edited March 15, 2016 by ganesh

[MaryPatShelby]

In every wedding I've been to or in, the bridesmaids have processed in unescorted and out escorted by their partners. Granted, the vast majority of weddings I've been to or in have been religious ceremonies so I'm not sure if that has something to do with it, but I've seen the same procession even in the non religious weddings.

It must be regional, because I too, in many many years of life, have never been to a wedding in which the bridesmaids/groomsmen process in together. I'm actually surprised there is another way!

[DeLurker]

I've been a bridesmaid 6 times - 3 times we walked down unescorted, 3 times we walked down escorted.  Never occurred to me to ask why.

 

 

ETA:  My reason for posting on Only on TV:

Only on tv will a bad guy use a laser sight when he is going to shoot a LEO or other good guy.  The LEO or someone he is with will see the red dot on their forehead, chest, whatever...yell Duck and pull them out of the line of fire.

Edited March 16, 2016 by DeLurker

[shapeshifter]

Only On TV will the bride or groom pull out notes with the wedding vows on them, then drop them to the ground and substitute original, perfect prose.

[stillhere1900]

Man, I would hate it if either Tara or Denise got killed, but probably would hate it more for Denise because I have been enjoying her character lately.  But I am really suspicious because they had that scene where they said "I love you" to each other.  And it seemed to come out of nowhere because we never got to see the run-up.  Not that TWD is necessarily a show that is heavy on romance, but still...  And when relatively minor characters start getting meaningful face time you can almost see the clock ticking down.  The other thing is, Denise is beginning to have an interesting relationship with Daryl. Again a possible sign.... But it is the Zombie Apocalypse and I can count on four fingers the characters that are probably 99% safe on that show.

 

As for outrage, I think people would be upset because both characters are likable and it does get wearying for the supporting characters to be killed off.  But I am hearing rumbles about a major/main character being killed so if Tara or Denise are killed off, the outrage might just get lost in the bigger shock and dismay of a main character loss.

 

 

 

Not really new, but I remember being pleasantly surprised by the revelation that Analise Keating, Viola Davis' character on How To Get Away with Murder is bisexual and has such a complicated relationship with both her lovers, Eve and Nate.  But then every single thing about Analise is complicated.

Regardless, *all* the church weddings have been so so long and boring. Plus it's always creepy to me that the pervy priest tells you to mack on your spouse in front of literally both of your families. 

 

"pervy priest"  ?  

[stillhere1900]

The entire wedding is really unnecessary. I feel so bad for the women. I rent a tux for less than $100, and bring it back nbd. What guy doesn't look good even in a cheap tux? Ladies have to actually buy a dress, and coordinate colors, and general lady things. You get 6,7+ women around where they have to get all done up for something and you're asking for trouble. Which I'm figuring the dress is $200 at the least, and it's highly unlikely you wear it again. Plus the shoes. Then they have to be dyed too. 

 

Ugh, and if you have to do it in a church and kneel there up front for like an hour and a half. How many times have you heard the "when two become one" sermon from the priest? It's like the only one ever at every wedding all the time. I feel like breaking out with a bad Atlantic Starr song from the 80s. 

 I agree it's all totally unnecessary. Dh and I were married by the *Justice Of The Peace* 25 yrs ago, We are still married. I wanted to new furniture.  I chose to spend all that money on something that last longer then a few hours.

[Sandman87]

ETA:  My reason for posting on Only on TV:

Only on tv will a bad guy use a laser sight when he is going to shoot a LEO or other good guy.  The LEO or someone he is with will see the red dot on their forehead, chest, whatever...yell Duck and pull them out of the line of fire.

I assume you mean something other than the astrological sign Leo.

[Rick Kitchen]

LEO = Law Enforcement Officer.

[MaryPatShelby]

Well, for the first time ever in my lengthy life I had the opportunity to take a cab due to flight delays. I told my husband, a less seasoned TV watcher than me, "I got this". Imagine my amazement when I found that, at the end of the ride, you DON'T just toss random bills in through the passenger side window and walk off.

Edited March 22, 2016 by MaryPatShelby

[DeLurker]

Did you at least get to yell "Follow that car!"?

[ganesh]

Do you tell him to "step on it?!"

[topanga]

And did a police detective try to find you later? And when he showed your picture to your cab driver, the cabbie hesitated for a minute but then was all, "Oh, I remember her. She was very drunk. I thought she would get sick in my cab. I dropped her off on the corner of 9th and Broadway, and there was a man waiting there for her.  A fat Asian man with a bird tattoo on his neck."

[MaryPatShelby]

None of the above; I missed out on a lot of great cab things. In my defense it was midnight in small-town Wisconsin, but yeah I should have at least told him to step on it!

[ganesh]

You should handed him a crisp $100 bill and told him to "Follow those cows!"

[ganesh]

Someone will have to go to therapy. Of course, they won't agree to it, but "if you want to see your daughter/badge/wife/cat/frying pan again, then YOU'RE GOING."

 

Then, they'll sit there for 5 minutes with the therapist and sulk. The therapist will try to make conversation and they will sulk. "How long do I have to be here?" "1 hour." "Do I have to talk?" "You can do what you want." 

 

Then they'll sulk and when there's 10 minutes left they'll drop Something Important.

Edited March 24, 2016 by ganesh

[ChromaKelly]

Well, for the first time ever in my lengthy life I had the opportunity to take a cab due to flight delays. I told my husband, a less seasoned TV watcher than me, "I got this". Imagine my amazement when I found that, at the end of the ride, you DON'T just toss random bills in through the passenger side window and walk off.

If you were going to the airport to stop your Long Lost Love from getting on a place, the cab driver would have told you "Fuhgettaboutit" re: the fare because you know, true love!

[zxy556575]

I want to know where to buy the miracle battery TV laptops that never need to be plugged in.

[shang yiet]

You can learn so much from children's drawings/paintings.

[Kromm]

I want to know where to buy the miracle battery TV laptops that never need to be plugged in.

Forget the laptops. It's the endless battery phones I want!  I mean phones on TV DO die from no power. But ONLY when it's convenient to a plot. Otherwise their batteries are endless.

 

Oh, also, perfect video streaming on everyone's cell phones on TV. REALLY?  You also apparently don't have to work very hard to arrange a video call either.

[DittyDotDot]

And, apparently, you can die or lose a phone, but it gets found years later and it not only works, but miraculously still has service.

[ganesh]

Grown single men with real jobs (not college kids) will only have 2 cartons of chinese food, a jar of pickles, mustard, and a sad, lonely bottle of beer in their fridge.

 

No one in a "professional" job brings in their own lunch. Everyone wastes massive amounts of money going out or ordering something. 

Edited March 25, 2016 by ganesh

[Rick Kitchen]

 

Grown single men with real jobs (not college kids) will only have 2 cartons of chinese food, a jar of pickles, mustard, and a sad, lonely bottle of beer in their fridge.

 

Or a six pack with one bottle missing.

[paulvdb]

My fridge is not exactly like that, but similar. Of course I don't like cooking so I don't cook often. Not that I order takeout, but I eat at my parents' house once a week and my mother always has leftovers for 2 or 3 days. I also don't have beer because I don't drink alcohol. But basically I have leftovers, milk, yoghurt and maybe one or two other things in my fridge.

[ganesh]

Don't set me up for a mom joke like that! 

[ChromaKelly]

My fridge is not exactly like that, but similar. Of course I don't like cooking so I don't cook often. Not that I order takeout, but I eat at my parents' house once a week and my mother always has leftovers for 2 or 3 days. I also don't have beer because I don't drink alcohol. But basically I have leftovers, milk, yoghurt and maybe one or two other things in my fridge.

Then a woman you have been on two dates with is going to bring you groceries. Just wait!

[zxy556575]

I have never in my life entered my residence in the nighttime and not turned on a light right away, yet no one on TV does. I guess that's what makes it "suspenseful".

[ganesh]

Then a woman you have been on two dates with is going to bring you groceries. Just wait!

 

With the baggette sticking out of the top of the bag!

 

Since I got my first house, (it's small) I ended up getting timers and lamps for the kitchen and the living room. When I'm away, the lights still go on so it looks like there is activity. And motion nightlights. So either coming home when it's dark or getting up in them middle of the night, there's some light. But no one has timed lighting on tv. 

[ChromaKelly]

With the baggette sticking out of the top of the bag!

 

Since I got my first house, (it's small) I ended up getting timers and lamps for the kitchen and the living room. When I'm away, the lights still go on so it looks like there is activity. And motion nightlights. So either coming home when it's dark or getting up in them middle of the night, there's some light. But no one has timed lighting on tv. 

No one leaves a light on in the hallway either. Or maybe I'm weird. I don't like the house to be totally dark. And since having kids, I got in the habit of leaving the bathroom light on for them because little boys don't have the best aim even under daytime circumstances. :-/

Also, people who get up in the middle of the night always have a robe on, even if they live alone. I don't even own a robe.

 

[CoderLady]

My fridge is not exactly like that, but similar. Of course I don't like cooking so I don't cook often. Not that I order takeout, but I eat at my parents' house once a week and my mother always has leftovers for 2 or 3 days. I also don't have beer because I don't drink alcohol. But basically I have leftovers, milk, yoghurt and maybe one or two other things in my fridge.

 

 

Then a woman you have been on two dates with is going to bring you groceries. Just wait!

 

Just hope Play Misty For Me is not one of her favorite movies, though.

Edited March 25, 2016 by CoderLady

[ganesh]

I have a timed night light in the bathroom too. 

[proserpina65]

Or a six pack with one bottle missing.

Omg, you just described my fridge!  Okay, I actually have lots of food in there too, but also a six pack of Newcastle Brown Ale with one bottle missing.

[Gudzilla]

I got in the habit of leaving the bathroom light on for them because little boys don't have the best aim even under daytime circumstances. :-/

The big boys don't do much better. ;) 

[ganesh]

It's not as easy as people think.

[meep.meep]

Yes it is.......

 

Just hope Play Misty For Me is not one of her favorite movies, though.

 

I thought you had to worry that her favorite song was Misty.

[shapeshifter]

Only On TV (I guess?) during an interrogation do detectives tell the suspect that he/she will get some sort of deal if he/she give up info, and then, when the suspect doesn't answer, the detective says something like "we're done here" and gets up, turns his/her back on the suspect, puts his/her hand on the door knob (or, if it's in a prison/jail, yells, "Guard!") and then the suspect/informant always yells, "No! Wait!" and spills the needed info.

[kiddo82]

Cop show. A widely disliked person has been murdered. The following exchange can be cut and pasted with some minor tweaks into every interrogation scene in this situation:

Suspect: I can't believe Mr. Bigglesworth is gone. This is so sad.

Cop: Really? Because if someone had kicked over my garbage cans like that, I'd be pretty angry.

Suspect: Fine! I hated the bastard! And I'm not sorry he's dead but I didn't kill him...wish I had though.

[ganesh]

YES. Good one.

 

"He didn't like my dog! ROT IN HELL".

 

Which, if you don't like my dog, gtfo.

[Wax Lion]

My regional nitpick about TV weddings is that the ceremony is attended by everyone. Where I come from, only close family and friends are invited to the ceremony and everyone is invited to the reception afterward. That's usually because there's a good chance the church isn't close to banquet hall where the reception is held, probably a half-hour to an hour drive unless things are scheduled at an odd hour to avoid traffic, so there's often a chunk of time between the two. Plus, since the person in charge of decorating the church usually has a role in setting up the reception, anyone who drives from ceremony to reception will stand outside waiting to be let in. Thus, the only people who come to the ceremony are people who are close enough to deal with the extra hassle.

 

Maybe it all comes down to where I'm from but on TV the newlyweds march right out of the church to have a beautiful reception a few steps away, especially if they have a friend with an amazing house with a backyard beautiful enough for the ceremony and a room large enough for a huge party. They don't even spend an hour posing for photos while people impatiently wait for the bar to open.

[Quof]

Wax Lion, I have never in my life encountered the wedding you are describing.  If anything, I see the opposite - a church is open to anyone who wishes to enter, and therefore the Little Old Ladies of the town attend weddings for fun, but receptions are only for those who are invited and therefore smaller.

[proserpina65]

Wax Lion, I have never in my life encountered the wedding you are describing.  If anything, I see the opposite - a church is open to anyone who wishes to enter, and therefore the Little Old Ladies of the town attend weddings for fun, but receptions are only for those who are invited and therefore smaller.

For the weddings which I've attended & been part of, everyone who was invited to the wedding was also invited to the reception and vice versa.  Admittedly these were mostly smallish weddings where the invitees were family and close friends of the couple.  I've never seen ones where you were only invited to the wedding or the reception but not both.

[Quof]

To be clear, the Little Old Ladies are not invited to the weddings, they just show up!  In many churches, upcoming weddings are announced in the weekly bulletin and, because the church is always open to anyone who wishes to enter, they simply show up.  It is tacky to invite someone to your wedding ceremony but not the reception.

Edited March 28, 2016 by Quof

[topanga]

No one leaves a light on in the hallway either. Or maybe I'm weird. I don't like the house to be totally dark. And since having kids, I got in the habit of leaving the bathroom light on for them because little boys don't have the best aim even under daytime circumstances. :-/

Also, people who get up in the middle of the night always have a robe on, even if they live alone. I don't even own a robe.

 

So true. Or a woman walks around in skimpy pajamas, no matter who's at the house. 

 

One exception: I was inspired by Beckett's MC Hammer pajama pants and loose shirt on one of my favorite episodes of "Castle," the one where Castle comes over to protect her and ends up spending the night at her huge NYC apartment. I actually bought some PJs just like hers. I can't remember the name of the episode, but Beckett made him pancakes in the morning.   Which they never ate, because, you know, TV. 

[proserpina65]

To be clear, the Little Old Ladies are not invited to the weddings, they just show up!  In many churches, upcoming weddings are announced in the weekly bulletin and, because the church is always open to anyone who wishes to enter, they simply show up.  It is tacky to invite someone to your wedding ceremony but not the reception.

I guess I never went to churches which were open like that.  Only exclusive ones, lol.  (Actually they were closed to the general public whenever there were limited events like weddings and baptisms, but otherwise they were open, I guess.)

Edited March 28, 2016 by proserpina65

[ganesh]

My (very rich) friend got married at a winery where the ceremony and reception were right at the same place. They even chartered a bus for us so we could drink. And did we. 

[FormerMod-a1]

Most weddings I've been to have fewer people at the ceremony than at the reception, however everyone is invited to both.  It's just seems to be a given that quite a few people will go to the reception only, for whatever reason.  And yes, there's often anywhere from 1-3 hours between the two, again, for various reasons.

[topanga]

Speaking of weddings, has anyone actually witnessed a couple breaking up in the middle of their wedding ceremony? Either because the bride or groom says, "Wait. I can't do this," or because the One True Love ex-boyfriend/girlfriend interrupts the ceremony Dwayne Wayne-style by yelling, "STOP! You cannot marry him! (or her!)."

 

Just curious. I've only seen it happen on TV (or in the movies). But a few friends have told me that in the middle of their wedding ceremony, they really wanted to call it off but couldn't find the nerve. And, yes, they soon got divorced. 

[Quof]

 

But a few friends have told me that in the middle of their wedding ceremony, they really wanted to call it off but couldn't find the nerve. And, yes, they soon got divorced.

A friend used to talk about "the year I was married" and one would assume she meant "in 1982, when I got married."  Nope, she meant the 12 month period she was a married person. She said "At the reception, I just started to feel smothered, and I knew it was a bad idea."

[proserpina65]

Most weddings I've been to have fewer people at the ceremony than at the reception, however everyone is invited to both.  It's just seems to be a given that quite a few people will go to the reception only, for whatever reason.  And yes, there's often anywhere from 1-3 hours between the two, again, for various reasons.

Wow.  That's a long time between ceremony and reception.  Most of the ones I've been to, the reception is immediately after the ceremony; of course, few of those were more than a few minutes apart, distance-wise.

 

And obviously I need to get a better class of friends, ones that can afford to rent wineries.  ;-)