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S01.E02: New Warden In Town


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Garrett's guys night spoils a sexy reunion; Johnna feels betrayed when she sees Garrett's true colors; James rushes to Alla following her release ; Andrea has second thoughts; Scott spends $20,000 on his inmate fiancee'.

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Not going to say I've never wondered why my SO "Read" a text and didn't reply... but I would never say that shit out loud or text it to them. 

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To be clear, Johnna went out for a Girls Night and wanted Garbear to... stay home? 

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Johnna can't blame this shit on editing.  Before the show even aired, she was calling gossip sites complaining that the show didn't tell the whole story on the commercials of how she met Garrett (supposedly had gone to school with him, looked him up later in life).  She joined a Facebook LAL group I'm in and was there a whole 5 minutes before getting her feelings hurt and announcing her exit.  Then she posted some long ass post somewhere online about people shouldn't tell her their negative feelings, it just hurts her, blah blah.  She is this loco in real life.  

Oh Angela, why you wearing slippers outside prison to pick up your man?

12 hours ago, CofCinci said:

Also, Alla made enough money “modeling” to save enough to keep her apartment for 5+ years? Modeling, sure. 

I thought the same thing.  Who would keep their apartment for 5 years?  And everything was still perfectly in place.  That was the weirdest scene.

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Lord, just when I thought you couldn't find a crop of more desperate people than the Americans in 90 Day Fiance...along comes this trainwreck.  I have questions, so many questions...

Johnna is unstable.  Any man who calls you a bitch and walks out and your immediate thought is "he hasn't proposed yet!"  WTF?  She bought a house for him to come home to?

And the Mormon lady with Lamar - I am blanking on her name - I don't understand anything about her story.  Her husband has been out of the picture for years but the youngest kid is what? 6?  She's all demure and religious but is rather proud imo of telling people Lamar is a Crip.  I thought it was exceptionally cruel of her to make that comment about her friend being a 40-year-old virgin if she doesn't find a man.  And she's always having a breakdown or hyperventilating about something.

The older white dude who sent his lady $20k?  She's in prison - where does he send the money?  Does she need that much for the commissary? Also, love all the steamy pics she had posted - where they taken in prison or before?  Is prison now just posing for selfies in hopes of finding a dupe...err, love interest?

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Lizzie is a trip.  Her prized possession is her Bible and I guess the camera she uses to take naked photos for prison penpals.  200 pairs of shoes, $1200 shopping sprees, a white carriage with white horses... Scott, you deserve everything you get from her, brother.  She couldn't have possibly given you any more warning.

Garrett wants to be a massage therapist and work for himself.  It's a good plan.  No one wants to hire felons but people love to give them business loans.  And Johnna saying that no one wants to get massaged by a felon while one is literally feeling her up in her car is Alanis-levels of ironic.

Lamar... 18 years is a long ass time. 

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35 minutes ago, kacesq said:

She's in prison - where does he send the money

They have accounts you can put money into, via Internet or whatever other means. I don’t know, but I remember watching an ep of Law & Order where a guy was begging his mom to put money in his acct.

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2 hours ago, eatsleep said:

Can someone tell me when this airs? I looked it up and it said Friday nights at 8. But it wasn't on. Just clarifying. thanks

It comes on at 10. 

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18 years in jail is a LONG time. I can't even imagine what it is like to get out after all that time. It would be a huge adjustment even without immediately being on a reality show with a weird fiancee. I'm not defending the guy (haven't seen enough for me to form an opinion) but damn. This dude has not even seen any technology since his last pager.

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19 hours ago, ShaNaeNae said:

Oh Angela, why you wearing slippers outside prison to pick up your man?

I thought she was wearing slippers! But I got all distracted by the wailing and yelling and wringing of hands and pacing while she waited for him on the side of the road lol.  Oh lawdy. 

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Can't she just compromise and wear ballet flats? That was awful.  

4 hours ago, hookedontv said:

I thought she was wearing slippers! But I got all distracted by the wailing and yelling and wringing of hands and pacing while she waited for him on the side of the road lol.  Oh lawdy. 

Yes!  The wailing and yelling.  She looked downright mental yelling to herself on the side of the road.

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Just now, ShaNaeNae said:

She looked downright mental yelling to herself on the side of the road.

I'd like to see how composed you'd be if you had a tall dark and handsome 18-years-in armed robber knight in shining armor with a garbage bag full of clothes and no earning potential coming off a prison bus to meet you.  Most women (and men) would not be able to contain their excitement.

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9 minutes ago, Drogo said:

I'd like to see how composed you'd be if you had a tall dark and handsome 18-years-in armed robber knight in shining armor with a garbage bag full of clothes and no earning potential coming off a prison bus to meet you.  Most women (and men) would not be able to contain their excitement.

I'm doing the same second guessing of myself now that I do when I think of why did I have to go and be responsible at 16 and not get knocked up?  I could have been rich like the Teen Mom girls.  And now I'm realizing I could have had my very own Crip Knight if I'd played my cards right.  Some people have all the luck.  

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The snark on this thread is as good as the show, which is hysterical.  Someone had the bright idea to combine Married At First Sight with Bridezillas and 60 Days In.

 

I found out I have a young Cousin Blacksheep who's been in prison for a couple of years--a situation the family is ignoring--so I've recently had a steep learning curve in how that all works.  So far, the only high-ticket item I've heard he's saving his $.80/hour to buy is a new pair of $50 sneakers the commissary may be planning to stock at some point in time future.  Otherwise his shopping is pretty much limited to stamps and Cup O'Noodle at 2:30 on Friday afternoon.  So Scott putting twenty grand on his "fiancée's" prison tab made me bark-laugh.  Oh dear.  Maybe there's an option for a soft core porn photography session I'm not aware of.

 

It's ironic that Johnna was an inmate's perfect dream girlfriend, then the whole thing went straight to hell five minutes after the bars swung open.  Johnna needs to locate a lifer with a pretty mugshot who suits her.

 

Andrea paddling full-speed down that lonely prison road in her bedroom slippers was comedy gold.  I kind of wanted to tell her, though:  "Look, you prayed for guidance.  The answer came to you on the drive.  And then you ignored it."

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I’m reading some of your comments to my husband and he’s laughing out loud. “Fools, that’s what they are. Isn’t there a nice guy or girl in their neighborhood they can ask out for coffee? Why would anyone with a single brain cell invite an ex-con into their homes?? With kids!!”

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I read Garrett as a real piece of garbage.   He's the con I like the least, as of now. 

I know Johnna's not the most sympathetic person, but Garrett pulled out the "You're a BITCH" card with ease.  

 

Calling a woman (especially the one you "love") a bitch is straight a) barbaric b) not necessary and c) it won't get you a fucking thing, bruh.

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Plus, I think it was in 60 Days In I first heard that "Bitch" is the ultimate insult inside a correctional institution.  That didn't seem very intuitive to me, considering the relative levels of curses constantly being lobbed around, but I checked with Cousin Blacksheep and confirmed.

So in prison parlance, Garrett calling Johnna a bitch was HUGE.  Like she should've immediately shanked him with her toothbrush.

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Never thought I’d feel pity for an ex con but dammit...RUN, GARRET,RUN!  Seriously though, Garret and Johnna (aka The Stalker) are a shower stabbing scene away from a Dateline retrospective.  She is unstable. 

The Mormon chick is killing me. When she got jealous of the car wash attendant flirting with her man, I about cried laughing. Then in one breath she’s on to why they can’t have sex but she’ll kill a bitch who looks at her man.  She needs to keep her story straight since her priorities are so screwed up.  (I.e....her kids are not a concern, clearly)

Alla and modeling...seems legit.  ???

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On 1/24/2018 at 10:20 AM, Princess Sparkle said:

I would love to have been a fly on the wall for when Garrett watched this episode and saw Johnna say his stamina was bad. 

I died. I was like, this dizzy girl really did just fuck her ex-con dude in the shower on television and talk shit about his stroke. I CAN'T. Johnna is nuts. She comes across as slow, fragile, and a little crazy all at once. Garrett is using her for sex and a place to lay his head.

Two of my friends watch this show. Two of my smartest, sanest friends. And I am mad AF at them both for not preparing me for the torrent of fuckery this show has unleashed upon my soul. I have never seen so many bad decisions in one place. Just ... what? Are there no people in their towns for them to date? IT dude has what appears to be a stable career, isn't bad-looking, lives in Chicago and managed to get married once - why is he turning to PrisonBabes.com to meet women? I would imagine Andrea has a hard time meeting Black men in what appears to be small-town Utah (I keep thinking how miserable I would be if I lived there, being the only one and being around people who say shit like "I always wanted a Black friend" ON TELEVISION), but again, why prison and not Match.com? The older guy with the long hair is getting straight taken, and he can't say he wasn't warned - he said himself that his beloved stopped conning him a month in, which means he knows he was getting conned and he's still here? I AM SO CONFUSED.

I have so many questions for Andrea, starting with why is she a Mormon when Mormons believed Black people were literal devils until like 1985? Also why does her 12-year-old daughter have more sense than she does, talking about how Mom considers Lamar family but she doesn't yet? And why doesn't she wear shoes?

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4 hours ago, Empress1 said:

I died. I was like, this dizzy girl really did just fuck her ex-con dude in the shower on television and talk shit about his stroke. I CAN'T. Johnna is nuts. She comes across as slow, fragile, and a little crazy all at once. Garrett is using her for sex and a place to lay his head.

Two of my friends watch this show. Two of my smartest, sanest friends. And I am mad AF at them both for not preparing me for the torrent of fuckery this show has unleashed upon my soul. I have never seen so many bad decisions in one place. Just ... what? Are there no people in their towns for them to date? IT dude has what appears to be a stable career, isn't bad-looking, lives in Chicago and managed to get married once - why is he turning to PrisonBabes.com to meet women? I would imagine Andrea has a hard time meeting Black men in what appears to be small-town Utah (I keep thinking how miserable I would be if I lived there, being the only one and being around people who say shit like "I always wanted a Black friend" ON TELEVISION), but again, why prison and not Match.com? The older guy with the long hair is getting straight taken, and he can't say he wasn't warned - he said himself that his beloved stopped conning him a month in, which means he knows he was getting conned and he's still here? I AM SO CONFUSED.

I have so many questions for Andrea, starting with why is she a Mormon when Mormons believed Black people were literal devils until like 1985? Also why does her 12-year-old daughter have more sense than she does, talking about how Mom considers Lamar family but she doesn't yet? And why doesn't she wear shoes?

OMG.... I am fuckin’ dying over here!!! LMAO!!!! As I sit here with my slide-on bedroom slippers, I want to get up and do a dance in my driveway in jubilation at your post!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

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I have a question, why was Lamar in prison for 18 years while Garret was only there for 6 years....oh wait...I think I know.

On January 29, 2018 at 4:15 PM, Empress1 said:

I have so many questions for Andrea, starting with why is she a Mormon when Mormons believed Black people were literal devils until like 1985? Also why does her 12-year-old daughter have more sense than she does, talking about how Mom considers Lamar family but she doesn't yet? And why doesn't she wear shoes?

Did Andrea choose that religion?  Maybe it was her parents who chose it.  Why does any person chose any religion?  What religion should she choose?  But her daughter has more sense than her mother.  I wonder where Andrea's ex husband is, if he's the father of her children.

Why are people snarking on the woman's bedroom slippers?  I've seen plenty of people wearing bedroom slippers when they drive.  You think she should wear high heeled pumps?  Give me the slippers.

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41 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Why are people snarking on the woman's bedroom slippers?  I've seen plenty of people wearing bedroom slippers when they drive.

She wears them everywhere, not just driving. She wore them to her shower. She wore them to pick up Lamar. Other times she’s barefoot. I guess she doesn’t like the confinement of shoes.

The difference between Lamar and Garrett’s sentences probably has to do with the severity of their crimes. And Lamar was part of a notorious LA gang, the Crips, who are famous for very, very violent crimes and murders.

Garrett’s record in Florida:

https://www.rapsheets.org/florida/doc-prisoner/TANNER_GARRETT/T66553

I cannot find Lamar’s record because no one knows what his real name is. His rapper name is Baby Ducc, and he has a Twitter account... and a secondary one going by the name Albert Jackson. He served 18 years for armed robbery, that’s all I could find.

Edited by cooksdelight
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5 minutes ago, cooksdelight said:

She wears them everywhere, not just driving. She wore them to her shower. She wore them to pick up Lamar. Other times she’s barefoot. I guess she doesn’t like the confinement of shoes.

The difference between Lamar and Garrett’s sentences probably has to do with the severity of their crimes. And Lamar was part of a notorious LA gang, the Crips, who are famous for very, very violent crimes and murders.

Maybe but Black men get longer prison sentences than white men for the same crime.

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I just updated my earlier response. Garrett’s crimes are listed, Lamar’s are not because no one seems to know his real name so I couldn’t find anything other than what the show reported, armed robbery.

I don’t think they committed the same crimes.

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On 1/22/2018 at 1:14 PM, kacesq said:

The older white dude who sent his lady $20k?  She's in prison - where does he send the money?  Does she need that much for the commissary? Also, love all the steamy pics she had posted - where they taken in prison or before?  Is prison now just posing for selfies in hopes of finding a dupe...err, love interest?

I wonder that too.  You can send money into a commissary account but I think there is some kind of limit, and there are limits to how fast an inmate can spend it too.  Moving that kind of cash would either take decades of time or some cohorts doing illegal things.  And given that Scott later admits to taking the very illegal action of sending her a cell phone, it would have to be the latter.

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On 1/24/2018 at 5:41 AM, candall said:

Maybe there's an option for a soft core porn photography session I'm not aware of.

Well, many prisons do have photography services that you can buy with commissary money.  But, like everything in prison, it's pretty strictly controlled and you would never be able to send provocative pictures.  I have a pen pal serving time in federal prison on a drug charge.  She sent me some pictures from their service and they're normal, fairly modest pictures of her in the standard prison uniform.

On 1/24/2018 at 5:41 AM, candall said:

It's ironic that Johnna was an inmate's perfect dream girlfriend, then the whole thing went straight to hell five minutes after the bars swung open.  Johnna needs to locate a lifer with a pretty mugshot who suits her.

I think that when you're a man locked up, virtually any woman would qualify as a dream girlfriend.  I think Johnna is kinda pretty, her personality issues notwithstanding.

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16 minutes ago, Thrifty said:

I wonder that too.  You can send money into a commissary account but I think there is some kind of limit, and there are limits to how fast an inmate can spend it too.  Moving that kind of cash would either take decades of time or some cohorts doing illegal things.  And given that Scott later admits to taking the very illegal action of sending her a cell phone, it would have to be the latter.

And how would he even DO that?  Can't just send it in the mail, right?  

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5 minutes ago, heatherchandler said:

And how would he even DO that?  Can't just send it in the mail, right?  

No, not directly to the prison.  Couldn't get past the mail screeners.  They can be pretty fickle.  I tried to send a tattoo coloring book to an inmate pen pal, and it was rejected.

 

There are several ways to do this, by getting it in through some unsecured channel into the prison.  They always involve someone on the outside in close proximity to the prison.  One method I heard is to simply have someone from outside throw it over the fence while someone on the inside retrieves it during yard time.  For greater caution, it is stuffed inside a bag, such as a Burger King takeout bag, so it will look more like random litter. 

Another tactic is to throw it into a garbage can that is open to the public.  Then an inmate who collects trash brings it in. 

It could also be a crooked guard just walking it in through the front door.

Myriad ways to smuggle things into the prison.  Inmates are very creative at circumventing the rules.

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On 2/12/2018 at 11:26 AM, Thrifty said:

I wonder that too.  You can send money into a commissary account but I think there is some kind of limit, and there are limits to how fast an inmate can spend it too.  Moving that kind of cash would either take decades of time or some cohorts doing illegal things.  And given that Scott later admits to taking the very illegal action of sending her a cell phone, it would have to be the latter.

Maybe he is including her lawyer's fees in that twenty grand. That can add up fast. 

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I was talking to someone not long ago about this show, and he had spent a little time in prison for drugs about 20 years ago. He said you can get anything you want in prison, you just have to know the right people. Usually, it’s another inmate who’s got connections with a corrupt guard, and they take their cut of whatever you pay them for what they get for you.

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On 1/22/2018 at 9:18 AM, cooksdelight said:

I’m waiting for Johnna to put bars on all the doors and her lock him in the bedroom when she has to go to work.

I'm hoping for Johnna's future dudes that she never watches THE BERLIN SYNDROME. 

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Finally! Found this show.

Joanna - we all know why she is single.

Alla - could have found someone in the church. But she is almost as bad as Joanna in the crazy department.  We know why she's single.

Scott - still not sure why he went after someone in the pen.

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23 minutes ago, greekmom said:

Finally! Found this show.

Joanna - we all know why she is single.

Alla - could have found someone in the church. But she is almost as bad as Joanna in the crazy department.  We know why she's single.

Scott - still not sure why he went after someone in the pen.

Just wait until you get to season two! OMG! Glad you found us.

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