S07.E26: The Long Goodbye

[Primetimer]

Tracy gets dumped by Brandon, then gets bad advice about how to comport herself from the less-than-objective Val.

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[Primetimer]

We've collected the most important imagery from 'The Long Goodbye'!

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[maxineofarc]

NO. TRACY. GIVE UP. HE IS THE ACTUAL WORST. Augh, she's even baby-voicing like Kelly. Get out while you still have some dignity.

I do like it when Steve's heart of gold shines through.

Edited November 13, 2017 by maxineofarc

[TeeVee329]

I have many thoughts about this one...

1) Brandon is even more of an ass dumping Tracy than I remembered.  He starts out at least semi-telling the truth by saying that he's not as into the relationship as she is, but then backtracking into "Uh...I shouldn't date someone I work with!" after that is so shitty.

2) I think Valerie is less concerned about Tracy's happiness - or really thinks that Tracy and Brandon are such a great couple - than about the benefit to her of Brandon's girlfriend a) not being Kelly and b) being someone she's friends with.

3) Brandon braying about Valerie's "vendetta" against Kelly made it sound like it's one-sided, which it is 100% not.  In fact, the last hostile act in their relationship was Kelly going after Tom on purpose to stick it to Valerie.

4) The faked telegram from a former paramour definitely happened on "Melrose Place" as well.  There, it was Billy summoned to the airport to "meet" with Alison, though I forget who set him up or what the purpose of it was.

5) Isn't Dylan supposed to be with Brenda still?  You'd think Kelly would be like, "Huh, maybe it's not a good idea to meet my ex-boyfriend like this when he is dating my friend, the very friend I screwed over by hooking up with said ex-boyfriend when she was dating him the first time."

6) I'm surprised Val wasn't in the mix for episode MVP.  Sure, her scheme was silly, but she was at least trying to keep Brandon and Kelly apart.  Val is us, you guys!

[txhorns79]

Quote

5) Isn't Dylan supposed to be with Brenda still?  You'd think Kelly would be like, "Huh, maybe it's not a good idea to meet my ex-boyfriend like this when he is dating my friend, the very friend I screwed over by hooking up with said ex-boyfriend when she was dating him the first time."

This would imply Kelly was a good friend to Brenda, which we know she was not.   But yes, in real life, Kelly would have telegraphed (since the show thinks twenty somethings in 1997 are sending each other telegrams, why not go completely old school and have her pull out her Morse Code book and do the dotting and dashing) Dylan and been like: "I'm sorry, you are with Brenda, I can't see you under those circumstances."  

And dear God, this season still has six more episodes!  I guess this means we are three more spring breaks, a teacher inservice and possibly an Arbor Day celebration until we get to college graduation?  

Edited November 13, 2017 by txhorns79

[TeeVee329]

1 hour ago, txhorns79 said:

This would imply Kelly was a good friend to Brenda, which we know she was not.   But yes, in real life, Kelly would have telegraphed (since the show thinks twenty somethings in 1997 are sending each other telegrams, why not go completely old school and have her pull out her Morse Code book and do the dotting and dashing) Dylan and been like: "I'm sorry, you are with Brenda, I can't see you under those circumstances."

I mean, if she really thought he needed her help/support as a friend, that's one thing.  But she clearly thought he was flying in to declare his love for her again and thus her claim to Brandon that she went to tell Dylan she finally chose.  Which...it's not really choosing, Kel, when it's years later and one of the guys has been married and then in a subsequent long-term relationship after he pursued you.

Edited November 13, 2017 by TeeVee329

[CurlyATX]

I have many thoughts about this one...

1) Brandon is even more of an ass dumping Tracy than I remembered.  He starts out at least semi-telling the truth by saying that he's not as into the relationship as she is, but then backtracking into "Uh...I shouldn't date someone I work with!" after that is so shitty.

2) I think Valerie is less concerned about Tracy's happiness - or really thinks that Tracy and Brandon are such a great couple - than about the benefit to her of Brandon's girlfriend a) not being Kelly and b) being someone she's friends with.

3) Brandon braying about Valerie's "vendetta" against Kelly made it sound like it's one-sided, which it is 100% not.  In fact, the last hostile act in their relationship was Kelly going after Tom on purpose to stick it to Valerie.

4) The faked telegram from a former paramour definitely happened on "Melrose Place" as well.  There, it was Billy summoned to the airport to "meet" with Alison, though I forget who set him up or what the purpose of it was.

5) Isn't Dylan supposed to be with Brenda still?  You'd think Kelly would be like, "Huh, maybe it's not a good idea to meet my ex-boyfriend like this when he is dating my friend, the very friend I screwed over by hooking up with said ex-boyfriend when she was dating him the first time."

6) I'm surprised Val wasn't in the mix for episode MVP.  Sure, her scheme was silly, but she was at least trying to keep Brandon and Kelly apart.  Val is us, you guys!

Val's vendetta! This show is the worst as we know. When Kelly put Val's dad's suicide on blast and then was a bitch about smoking pot, it's just "Kelly is hard on new people". Later on, when Kelly is on drugs, it's not a slight on her character but blamed on Colin.
What about Kenny/fake pregnancy outing (like it's Kelly's business), Tom, or all those snarky remarks about Val's sex life. I do wish that Val just freaking moved out already. You don't need to stay at the Belage hotel... heck, even the beachhouse rent is just $500 for a three bedroom, right?

[Flamingo]

I thought Kelly said "not" instead of "out" on the message, too.

On the one hand, I hate Kelly so much now, I don't want her to "win" anything. On the other hand, if Kelly and Brandon are together, it saves others from being stuck with them.

[Jax7917]

55 minutes ago, Flamingo said:

I thought Kelly said "not" instead of "out" on the message, too.

On the one hand, I hate Kelly so much now, I don't want her to "win" anything. On the other hand, if Kelly and Brandon are together, it saves others from being stuck with them.

and the second they get back together, they fight and you can see Brandon clearly regrets it. Bet tracy didn't look so bad to him 2 minutes into his and Kelly's relationship.

[WhosThatGirl]

Kelly’s message is even worse than dylans answering machine. You sound like you aren’t enjoying the spring day kelly! Which knowing kelly.. she probably isn’t.

That breakup with Tracy and Brandon is the most uncomfortable breakup ever. Terrible. Does Tracy not have any other friends? Or family? I know this was before social media and texting but we had phones back then (I was a child and we did) and i assume she was telling people about her boyfriend and everything he did, people in her life would be telling her to dump him first! “He got mad at me because some random girl came in to town to talk about her book she wrote about angels and this girl thinks he belongs with his ex girlfriend who told me a few weeks ago
She still loves him!”  Not to mention how she found a ring he proposed to said ex with and kept that she found! Like.. really.

Edited November 13, 2017 by WhosThatGirl

[SoupThrower]

Oh Tracy....why?

David being mature and Felice acknowledging it? Must be the piano because it's some scary stuff right there.

I can't believe I'm saying this but Brandon should run and here is why:

• Kelly is the worst
• Kelly buys the ring
• Kelly goes to the airport to whip out the ring? 
• If Kelly dumped him for Dylan once, she will do it again cause Kelly

and you know he starts regretting it. 

Also didn't Claire sing before?

Edited November 14, 2017 by SoupThrower

[yousetmeupyoucrud]

Why... are... these... seasons... sooo... looooooooong?! I feel like there's no hope for truth and justice in the world until I find out the answer. 

 

Tracy is really horribly lacking in dignity, but then again I was pretty pathetic when I was in college. It's hard to remember these people are supposed to be college-aged though cuz everyone is in their 30s and they never have classes and are always on vacation. 

[adam807]

I know it's not, but I buy that it could be the same guy plus 20 pounds and minus some hair? Maybe he's pregnant too!

[EAG46]

I thought that picture of Steve in drag was Donna. [Purple is a good color on Ian.]

[Jax7917]

how was it 1 season ago that Dylan married Toni?

This is probably the last season I can tolerate. Seasons 8-10 and the addition of Gina/Noah/Matt are excruciating.

[CurlyATX]

Tracy...so bad! I mean, sheesh... we buys that dumb ass book in China about the prince and two girls.  She should have RUN back home to that cute guy from her farm.  In the meantime, she needed to find some friends, have a cry, mess around with a cute boy at a bar, and left Brandon alone.  I can't believe she offered to sleep with him- that's just so, ugh!

I think they barely talked about it, but doesn't Kelly basically gloat about how she and Brandon are together and how it would be bad to flaunt it, but she acts like she wants to rub it in Tracy's face. 

[CurlyATX]

I guess I live in another universe.  Seems like folks in BH act like it's "no big deal" to interact with folks that they used to bone even after said relationship is over.  It's like it's hardly ever mentioned again.  Don't most people insist that you not contact the affair partner again, no matter what? And why would she be taking him to a stupid talent show to talk about Dr. Martin?  This makes no sense at all. 

[allicatexp]

I must be in the minority here but I thought Jennie Garth looked really pretty in these episodes...

[Kerfuffler]

I was hoping for a second that Tracy wasn't actually trying to get back in bed with Brandon but was actually hatching some sort of revenge plot. The "friends with benefits" offer just seemed so out of character. But no, she just wanted another heaping helping of humiliation.

[yousetmeupyoucrud]

5 hours ago, Jaclyn88 said:

how was it 1 season ago that Dylan married Toni?

This is probably the last season I can tolerate. Seasons 8-10 and the addition of Gina/Noah/Matt are excruciating.

Uggggh I knooooooow. I hope the ladies hang in there at least until Brandon leaves. Which by the way why didn't the show get canceled when Brandon left? The whole premise of the show was "two Midwest doofuses move to Beverly Hills and bray at everyone" and then neither of the doofuses was around anymore but the show kept on going like some kind of tossy turny sweat drenched movie nightmare.

[Conotocarious]

14 hours ago, yousetmeupyoucrud said:

Tracy is really horribly lacking in dignity, but then again I was pretty pathetic when I was in college. It's hard to remember these people are supposed to be college-aged though cuz everyone is in their 30s and they never have classes and are always on vacation. 

My god, me too. And I was pathetic over someone way, way worse than Brandon. That’s why it extra embarrassing to watch her now.

Edited November 14, 2017 by Conotocarious

[scarynikki12]

If it really had been Dylan getting off that plane I think Kelly would have jumped him in a heartbeat.  Just look a the expression on her face when the fakeout walks off the plane.  Because, even though she and Brandon are barely back together, Kelly loves cheating more than anything.  I love that her excuse is "I wanted to tell him I finally chose".  Well....you were trying to get back with Brandon in Palm Springs not two weeks after "choosing" yourself.  But sure, we'll pretend that doesn't count.  You went to New York shortly after that Palm Springs trip and chose to immediately start dating Colin who you would tell people you were in love with.  But sure, we'll pretend that doesn't count either.  You got pissed when Dylan and Toni got engaged and yelled at him for not clearing it with you first, which implies you still wanted him yourself.  But sure, that also doesn't count.  Everyone worried about how you'd react when news came that Dylan was shacking up with Brenda in London, implying that you still wanted to be with him and his moving on would hurt you deeply.  Fine, doesn't count.  Then you started showing signs of wanting Brandon back but decided to date Mark for a while.  Oh, not that either?

Oh, I get it, Dylan didn't show up for the sex romp you were clearly expecting (seriously, that expression on Jennie's face), Brandon found out and got pissed, and now you're trying to save face because you aren't sure if THIS is when someone realizes that you aren't Purity Personified and takes you off the pedestal you spent so much time climbing.  Because this is the type of scenario you always judge Val for as if she's just murdered all the puppies in the world and you wouldn't want to risk anyone realizing you are a human being with flaws.  And if Kelly is seen as flawed then her ass won't get kissed all day long.  The horror.

On the flip side, Brandon?  Shut the fuck up.  You clearly hate Kelly so why do you want her back?  Is this still about beating Dylan even though he's on the other side of the world?  Yeah, probably.

[atlanticslide]

The gif of not!Dylan is making me laugh uncontrollably. 

[Cekrypton1]

Sarah: "Cuck airlines"
Podcast: [Smash into ad for Lufthansa]
Me: [Chef kisses of fingertips] "Perfect!"

[Jax7917]

On 11/14/2017 at 11:45 AM, CurlyATX said:

I guess I live in another universe.  Seems like folks in BH act like it's "no big deal" to interact with folks that they used to bone even after said relationship is over.  It's like it's hardly ever mentioned again.  Don't most people insist that you not contact the affair partner again, no matter what? And why would she be taking him to a stupid talent show to talk about Dr. Martin?  This makes no sense at all. 

Yeah everyone on this show dates, breaks up and moves on within 1 second, while staying friends with that person and being perfectly okay with their friend dating the person. For example- Brandon and Dylan. They're supposedly best friends, but both steal Kelly from each other multiple times , and still remain best friends. In what world would this happen?

[BBHN]

How about Claire moving into Donna's apartment and doing The Sex with David in the bedroom next door AKA David's old bedroom, only months after Donna and David broke up?

I mean, stuff like that happens all the time, right?

Edited November 15, 2017 by BBHN

[Jax7917]

48 minutes ago, BBHN said:

How about Claire moving into Donna's apartment and doing The Sex with David in the bedroom next door AKA David's old bedroom, only months after Donna and David broke up?

I mean, stuff like that happens all the time, right?

Yea and Donna dated David for a long time , but doesn't care that her new roommate is dating him and having sex with him especially after he cheated on her ? Ok ... 

and then eventually , Clare and David broke up and Clare started dating steve with no mention ever of her relationship with one of his best friends .. and Val is the only hooch on the show ? 

[yousetmeupyoucrud]

On 11/14/2017 at 5:16 PM, Conotocarious said:

My god, me too. And I was pathetic over someone way, way worse than Brandon. That’s why it extra embarrassing to watch her now.

I want to time travel to my 21 year old self and yell "he doesn't waaaant yooooou-uh!" and then smash whatever Neutral Milk Hotel record I was listening to. 

[Conotocarious]

4 hours ago, yousetmeupyoucrud said:

I want to time travel to my 21 year old self and yell "he doesn't waaaant yooooou-uh!" and then smash whatever Neutral Milk Hotel record I was listening to. 

Yes, yes, YES! And in my case I’d add STOP HOOKING UP WITH HIM AND BUY A CLUE! 

[Jax7917]

On 11/14/2017 at 7:28 PM, scarynikki12 said:

 

On the flip side, Brandon?  Shut the fuck up.  You clearly hate Kelly so why do you want her back?  Is this still about beating Dylan even though he's on the other side of the world?  Yeah, probably.

Yeah I think so too. The only reason Brandon proposed the first time was because he knew Kelly was thinking about leaving the country with Dylan. It wasn't because he wanted to marry Kelly. The second time he proposed it was by accident and because they were fighting, as he even admitted the next day. And as we all remember from the turnout, he obviously did not want to marry her.

[Conotocarious]

It is really infuriating how checked out Priestley was at this point (and for years before this point, honestly). He is a trash actor and he does himself no favors with his dead-eyed  surliness as a substitute for any sort of emotion at all. He SUCKS and for him to be the moral center of the show is pathetic.

[ZeroDiscipline]

Oh Tracey that was so hard to listen to. Ugh. When she is giving him the massage at the station, and SO AWKWARDLY insinuating they could be friends with benefits, before that was even a phrase, I couldn't help but think of the scene in Billy Madison when Adam Sandler is all "this milk could be our milk" to Pete Sampras's wife, and she's all "No milk will ever be OUR milk." That actress must have really pissed everyone off to be written off like that. I just looked her up on the imdb. It appears this show killed her career, as she hardly worked again after Brandon dumped her.

[Jax7917]

Brandon and Tracy were a mess together , but it could have been anyone in the picture and he would have dumped them just the same because apparently obsessed with cheating Kelly is all he's thought about since they broke up even though he seemed way more into Susan than he did Kelly . Heck he even seemed more into Emily valentine than he did Kelly . 

[profreader]

I had to look up when telegrams stopped... apparently discontinued in the US in 2006 and in the Entire World in 2013 (India being the last holdout.) But... seriously... the 90s... no. I could mayyyybe have believed it if Dylan was supposed to be in some remote country doing his Wandering Poet thing... but just as a lame soap opera device, it makes me think the writers room was full of 60ish year old guys chomping on their cigars going, "Ya, see, they send a TELEGRAM, see, yaa, like the kids are doing today..."

Funny to remember when you could still go to the gate to meet people.

Also: even worse than Geneva font... that looks like Chicago font, the old Macintosh system font AKA the refuge of the Laziest Prop Person In Town.

Brandon continues to be Da Woist.

[Sarah D. Bunting]

It's fully Chicago font.

[SoupThrower]

On 11/17/2017 at 7:26 AM, Conotocarious said:

It is really infuriating how checked out Priestley was at this point (and for years before this point, honestly). He is a trash actor and he does himself no favors with his dead-eyed  surliness as a substitute for any sort of emotion at all. He SUCKS and for him to be the moral center of the show is pathetic.

To be fair who wasn't checked out by now? Tori is probs the only one who isn't.

[CurlyATX]

Scoot on over as I bring a chair to sit at the table of "pathetic 20 something".  Though I probably wouldn't have listened, I wish that "he's probably not that into you" was in my lexicon.  Now, as an old married lady, I feel that people indeed show you who they are- it's up to you to see it.  From the start, Brandon wasn't into Tracey. 

Kelly is a drama whore- which makes me mad as Brenda gets that rep.  Kelly only wants guys she can't have and from what I can tell... she had amazing sex with Dylan but they hated each other.  Brandon allows her the smugness of being a 'power couple' but it never seemed like she was really ok with their boring life.

Finally- checked out actors syndrome.  I get it.  This series is indeed the golden handcuffs- most of these folks knew they'd never get anything as good as this but hated being here. I guess the director just gave up on giving any actual direction... just get the lines out and go!  I bet the porno starts who shared a sound stage with them would have been better.

[Jax7917]

Kelly and Dylan were miserable together, which made Kelly happy because she wasn't bored. Except the time she cheated on him with John Sears, oh yeah and Brandon.  Can anyone make this girl NOT a cheater?

[benteen]

Dylan cut out letter from a newspaper like some deranged serial killer would have been more believable than him sending a telegram.

[yousetmeupyoucrud]

Tori was the only one not checked out cuz she was the one with the least amount of post-90210 career options.

[Jax7917]

Steve didn't look checked out either. He looked like he could have kept going another few seasons. Then again, he hardly ever had tough story lines so basically his job was to just be hyper and ready to party.

[Klaw]

On 11/14/2017 at 10:01 PM, yousetmeupyoucrud said:

Uggggh I knooooooow. I hope the ladies hang in there at least until Brandon leaves. Which by the way why didn't the show get canceled when Brandon left? The whole premise of the show was "two Midwest doofuses move to Beverly Hills and bray at everyone" and then neither of the doofuses was around anymore but the show kept on going like some kind of tossy turny sweat drenched movie nightmare.

Ok this was "good thing I wasn't drinking anything" HAHAHAHAH sweat drenched movie nightmare. 

 

On 11/20/2017 at 4:07 AM, CurlyATX said:

Finally- checked out actors syndrome.  I get it.  This series is indeed the golden handcuffs- most of these folks knew they'd never get anything as good as this but hated being here. I guess the director just gave up on giving any actual direction... just get the lines out and go!  I bet the porno starts who shared a sound stage with them would have been better.

This show is so painfully bad and it's hilarious to see which of the "actors" (looking at you, Priestley) were clearly over it and just phoning in their "performances" each ep. Pathetic. What a bunch of spoiled brats, truly. 

 

On 11/20/2017 at 7:20 PM, yousetmeupyoucrud said:

Tori was the only one not checked out cuz she was the one with the least amount of post-90210 career options.

so, so, so true. Papa Spelling did Tori no favours by keeping her on that show for 10 years. Girl was so delusional. Anybody else remember interviews with her back in the day when she would call herself a "self-made woman" or how she got to go to college because of the show? like really, honey? I doubt Tori even knew anybody who went to college and if she did, she was too self-absorbed to notice exactly how much work it is... not endless spring breaks and spending hours studying in your club wear. eye roll.

[brenda dubois]

I am outraged that the dude playing fake Dylan didn't get the role of Noah.

Man, I'm really looking forward to the Noah episodes. I also can't believe I just wrote those words.

[Sarah D. Bunting]

^ This avatar is aces.

[Jax7917]

On 12/8/2017 at 10:42 PM, brenda dubois said:

I am outraged that the dude playing fake Dylan didn't get the role of Noah.

Man, I'm really looking forward to the Noah episodes. I also can't believe I just wrote those words.

Noah wouldn't be bad if he was limited to 1 season but we are blessed with him for 3 whiny , alcoholic seasons 

[CurlyATX]

Noah!  Doesn't he have some tragic girlfriend death storyline too? I LOVED it when Noah and Dylan meet... it's like when Jerry met Bizarro Jerry and friends. 

[Jax7917]

Kelly and Brandon being back together is just torturous to watch . It's not 3 hours into their relationship and they already hate each other . They're one of those tv couples whose story is cuter when they're not together versus when they are .