S10.E03: Well, Hello, Monroe

[clod]

I only saw a little bit ---  Vanina and Jeff were having dinner and he was telling her he wanted her to stay.  (was that this show?)

 

wow.    she really looked uncomfortable during that conversation!   so ready to get out of there.

[poeticlicensed]

It also irritated the rap out of me that both Jeff and Gage seem to get squirmish at the thought of lady parts. I get the whole birth thing has a eww factor (my dh wouldn't go down there to look, lol) but they both always looked grossed out whenever the female anatomy is discussed . It's just biology guys!

[lookeyloo]

On 9/3/2017 at 4:30 AM, Locutus said:

I think it is basically two men who are shut down emotionally, Gage touching Jeff's back during the birth is the only time I recall seeing any type of affection between them, coupled with having no bloody idea what a pregnant woman is all about. Apart from what they read on the internet. Everything in their life is scheduled, so they assume the birth of a child is no different. They seem to treat their relationship as a business partnership, and I just don't know if that will work in the long run.

I just want to put in my 2 cents.  My son is gay and married.  He is 48.  He and his husband are not affectionate with each other in front of other people.  Sometimes they forget they are out and there is a pat, touch, etc.  I asked my son about it and he said they are used to being guarded because of what reaction/response they would get out in public.  I told him Mr. lookeyloo and I have no issues around that and they are beginning to be more affectionate around us.  I don't know if this is what is going on with Jeff and Gage but, their age and society's reaction might factor in.  And yes, I know there are flamboyant gay folks around, but, Jeff and Gage, like my son and son in law, are not.

[Sprockets]

17 hours ago, Maharincess said:

I agree about the affection between Jeff and Gage. I kept waiting for them to hug or something while their baby was being born but there was nothing.  I know a lot of people aren't demonstrative but I expected a little more between them during such an emotional event. 

So true.  The fact that they didn't reach out to each other automatically says volumes.  

[Gam2]

I didn't see this episode but it does seem odd that they didn't hug or something while watching their baby being born. Maybe they're just not demonstrative people?

[Bossa Nova]

I was very moved by this episode. Moved to tears. I appreciate that they chose to share it on TV. Didn't feel tacky, or to cash in for $$, or fame., or put on. 

Gave me a glimpse of what surrogate parents go thru no matter what sexual identity, plus what gay couples might go thru trying to have a child.  I was moved by the 3 year flashback of their trying to have a child. 

Sure Jeff was not on-camera teary or mushy. But I thought his reactions, comments, were real. Real for him. This is him. And Jeff Lewis has always been honest with us, and bared his flawed self on this reality show. He doesn't insult the viewing audience with a put on fake self.

Lastly, I thought the production was excellent. I was at the edge of my seat with the days and filming of the run up to Monroe's birth. So very glad baby and bio-Mom, Alexandra, and Jeff and Gage and his family were well.

Loved that his dad, step mom, and Jenni were all there. As Jeff said, he's known Jenni for a long time now. She will be a part of Monroes' life so he wanted her there at the birth. Very, very sincere. 

  

I wish only the very best to Jeff, Gage, and their sweet little girl, Monroe.  Be well all. :)

Edited September 5, 2017 by Bossa Nova

[Shmoopaloop]

Was I the only one irritated by the way the baby nurse went through the bags Gage packed and scoffed at most everything? I get that babies are new to them and they need some guidance, but geez, that woman. Jenni was doing just fine helping Gage pack. If the man wants to overpack, like most new parents, let him! He'll look back and laugh at it one day. 

[Mom2twoNonna2-3]

It was more that he packed clothes that would not have fit a newborn Monroe. I thought he packed 0-3 months and wouldn't they fit? I know they would have drowned my 5 lb 7 oz son, but,it sounds like Monroe was average size. My grandson was just born at 9'11 and newborn didn't fit. If she was larger, like him, then the 0-3 would be perfect. 

Packing for a newborn is a very hard experience, especially when you have absolutely no experience with babies. 

 

I do wish them well. I loved the skin to skin contact they did right away and you could see the love radiate out of Jeff to Monroe.

[filmgal]

Forgot to mention them not showing a support person there for Alexandra - she would/should have had one. Filming or no I would have had my husband or my mom there. They wouldn't have had to be on camera but they would have been there for me. I was also disappointed there was no mention of her family or kid/s getting to know them or spend time with them during the week of waiting. 

I really don't believe they all just sat around a hotel room for an entire week. They had to have had dinner together or gone on that 5 milk hike. ? That's why I feel the show did a disservice to surrogacy. There is an established relationship there that both Gage and Jeff talk about. We just aren't allowed to see it. I could also see her wanting to be off camera as much as possible - maybe that explains a lot of those missing moments.

If Jeff came to Alexandra with a genuine feeling of fear for his baby about waiting longer I could see her agreeing to the induction. Maybe what their friend experienced was something like a cord accident that could have been prevented had the baby been born sooner or by C-section. I still don't like how they talked about her and induction as an easy thing or something she should do just because they wanted their baby now. 

Personally I've never had a feeling of conflict when seeing the parents with their newborn. That's the point of the entire journey. My best memories are of those moments after the birth and my couples enjoying their new babies. I'm really happy they showed them both doing skin to skin. 

Pumping milk or breastfeeding is agreed upon early during contracts. It's a personal decision just like with any new baby. Some parents want formula only, some prefer breast milk only, some will do both. If parents want milk and the surrogate can't or doesn't agree to pump parents can sometimes find another surrogate who recently delivered who will be pumping or milk banks can be a resource.

I heard Jeff on a podcast recently -- they had a very tough first few months with Monroe. She was colicky -- I'm wondering if they'll actually show any of that. I'm guessing just the tension and fighting it creates. I wish we could see Gage and Jeff come together and have nice moments more instead of only arguments. 

They've been together for years and I think they have a better relationship than we are shown. Gage has never seemed comfortable on camera to me. Maybe that's part of it or maybe they just play it up to keep the show on. Bravo sure loves to show people fighting and sniping at each other.

Edited September 5, 2017 by filmgal
Spacing

[biakbiak]

2 minutes ago, filmgal said:

Forgot to mention them not showing a support person there for Alexandra - she would/should have had one. Filming or no I would have had my husband or my mom there. T

Her mother was there. 

[filmgal]

3 minutes ago, biakbiak said:

Her mother was there. 

Oh thanks! I missed that -- glad she had someone there just for her.

[Willowsmom]

I  totally believe that Jeff et. al. would sit around a hotel for a week. Alex was a rent-a-womb and spending time with her family would be beneath them.

[gunderda]

There appeared to be a lot of people in that room so we can't assume her mom wasn't there.

I've never been pregnant and don't care to be but I found jeff's comments about not shaving/grooming funny because it showed he obviously has no idea how the mind of a pregnant women's works.  Even I know at that point you don't care what's going on down there, let alone you probably can't even do it yourself. And the 'big' comment I took that as them watching the baby come out so it was larger than normal. 

[Mom2twoNonna2-3]

I think she lived 2 hours north of where the hotel was so spending a lot of time together would be a bit hard. Plus, when both my daughter and I were at the end of our pregnancies the only thing we wanted to do was work and doctors. She may not have wanted to spend a lot of recreational time with them, preferring her own family, instead.

[meep.meep]

They were staying at a hotel in Sacramento, and Alexandra was in Chico, about two hours north.  When she actually went into labor, they headed for Chico.

All they do at Jeff Lewis Designs is work, so why were they concerned that there was nothing to "do" in Chico?  They could have gone to Bidwell Park and seen where Robin Hood was filmed.

Gage saying thanks to Alexandra was the one sincere moment.  Good for him.

[biakbiak]

1 hour ago, meep.meep said:

work, so why were they concerned that there was nothing to "do" in Chico?

Jeff's reason for not staying in Chico wasn't that there was nothing to do (though I imagine that was part of it) it was that none of the hotels in Chico were nice enough.

[Maharincess]

On 9/4/2017 at 4:35 PM, Gam2 said:

I didn't see this episode but it does seem odd that they didn't hug or something while watching their baby being born. Maybe they're just not demonstrative people?

I get that, a lot of people aren't demonstrative but with an event as emotional as their first child's birth, I was waiting for a pat on the back, a loving look, anything but they acted like 2 strangers.  Very strange to me. 

[SanDiegoInExile]

6 hours ago, biakbiak said:

Jeff's reason for not staying in Chico wasn't that there was nothing to do (though I imagine that was part of it) it was that none of the hotels in Chico were nice enough.

I live two blocks from the Chico Enloe Hospital.

Jeff is correct.

[biakbiak]

13 minutes ago, Maharincess said:

was waiting for a pat on the back, a loving look, anything but they acted like 2 strangers.  V

Gage did keep touching Jeff's back.

[SanDiegoInExile]

7 hours ago, meep.meep said:

They were staying at a hotel in Sacramento, and Alexandra was in Chico, about two hours north.  When she actually went into labor, they headed for Chico.

All they do at Jeff Lewis Designs is work, so why were they concerned that there was nothing to "do" in Chico?  They could have gone to Bidwell Park and seen where Robin Hood was filmed.....

A week in Chico is about 6.75 days too much.

[OldButHappy]

On September 1, 2017 at 8:31 PM, 7-Zark-7 said:

Like a pregnant woman is some sort of faulty vending machine that you tilt and shake until the item you purchased falls out. They were genuinely shocked that the machine talked back.

Very funny!!!!

On September 1, 2017 at 8:31 PM, 7-Zark-7 said:

There is some serious misogyny going on their attitude (and Jenny was no help). Between Jeff making fun of Alexandra's vagina and Gage not even being able to say the word (really?), they need to get it together, because Monroe has one and it's their responsibility to help her deal with it - Not Jenny's, not Zoila's, not various Nannies' ... theirs.

Very true.

[diadochokinesis]

On 9/2/2017 at 7:04 AM, Madding crowd said:

Many, many women go past their due date-the due date is just an estimate based on the woman's last period and various ultrasound measurements. Their friends baby must have had some kind of birth defect or the mother had a medical issue. Alexandra was examined by a doctor and he advised her against the induction. 

Except they knew her exact conception date so the due date isn't really an estimate.

Fact is that it is dangerous to go over a due date which is why doctors will induce once you are 1 week late. Their surrogate was right around that 1 week mark when they wound up inducing. It wasn't like they were trying to have her go early for convenience.  She was already overdue and they were nervous about it. 

[Madding crowd]

It's not always dangerous and many women go for more than a week. And knowing the conception is not a guarantee that the child is to be born on a certain date. Her doctor said she and the baby were perfectly healthy. Each pregnancy is different.

[Sprockets]

6 hours ago, Madding crowd said:

 

It's not always dangerous and many women go for more than a week. And knowing the conception is not a guarantee that the child is to be born on a certain date. Her doctor said she and the baby were perfectly healthy. Each pregnancy is different.

 

Exactly.  Even if you know the conception date, you cannot predict the birth date accurately.  A week or two here or there is not unusual.  By far the most inductions are done for the convenience of the doctors and the hospitals.  

[raiderred1]

On 9/1/2017 at 9:11 AM, eurekagirl mOo said:

LOL I was sooooooo late! Supposed to be born on the 5th, born on the 25th! To a 41 year old Mom and that was 59 years ago!  My Dad came home for the birth (in 1958!) and I was so late he built a beautiful coffee table that my parents had all their lives. I have it my home now and I'm so proud of that table and my late story that brought it into being. 

Have fun guys!!!!

What a very sweet story. I was supposed to be born in late Sept in the the late 60's and was not born until Oct 25th! Monroe's birthday!  I was actually hoping that she would stay in there until my birthday. My mom always thought they got her due date wrong but did think I also just didn't want to come out of there. LOL They did finally induce. 

[Juliegirlj]

I really like Jeff and Gage, but found this episode disturbing. Every expectant family is inconvenienced by not knowing when baby will come. Jeff's crude comments about the woman delivering his child that will one day be a woman were offensive. 

[Lady of nod]

God help this child. 

[chenoa333]

I just don't see Gage and Jeff staying together for long. If Jeff is the same off camera as he is on camera it would be impossible to be around him for a long term relationship. 

[biakbiak]

3 minutes ago, chenoa333 said:

I just don't see Gage and Jeff staying together for long. If Jeff is the same off camera as he is on camera it would be impossible to be around him for a long term relationship. 

They have been together for over 7 years.

[chenoa333]

On 10/16/2017 at 9:21 PM, Lady of nod said:

God help this child. 

And yes I agree. What would Jeff do or how would he react if Monroe grew up to be just an average looking female/person? Jeff is so into materialism, vanity, attention etc. "God help this child" is an understatement.

Just now, biakbiak said:

They have been together for over 7 years.

7 years with no child in the picture. I'm just stating my opinion. 

[biakbiak]

3 minutes ago, chenoa333 said:

 

7 years with no child in the picture. I'm just stating my opinion. 

Yes having children can change relationships, though I doubt it will change Jeff, so Gage clearly knows him and his ways.

[SuprSuprElevated]

On 9/1/2017 at 3:11 AM, biakbiak said:

Why be shitty about the person who nurtured your child for nine months? It's also been stated that Gage did 90% of the interactions with her. Also, most of the cost of surrogacy doesn't go to the surrogate so 60-70k doesn't allow you to talk shit about her. Hell 1 million dollars doesn't make it right.

 

Jeff said that in a talking heads not to the client so I didn't think it was as weird or an issue. 

Jeff also seemed to have a good grasp that the baby wasn't going to come out at the exact due date and knew he could be there for a weekend plus. 

Just me, but I would bet that the surrogate, Alex, watched every episode of FO in an effort to learn about these two, Jeff primarily, before the contract was drawn.  If she did, then she knows perfectly well what kind of character she was dealing with.  Could be a big reason why Gage was the primary contact. 

I have a unique sense of humor also, and I don't think I would have said it, nor would I have loved having it said about me, but I didn't sign the contract.  js  ymmv

Edited October 22, 2017 by SuprSuprElevated

[SuprSuprElevated]

On 9/1/2017 at 1:11 PM, Willowsmom said:

But why on earth was Jenni, with a small child at home and pregnant (something she's had  trouble sustaining) there?

I was less put off by that than I was her traveling to Zikaville Florida.  That seemed nothing short of irresponsible and shallow, and at the potential expense of her unborn child.  All for teevee $$?

On 9/1/2017 at 5:06 PM, Bronzedog said:

How is it possible that Zoila's English gets worse each year?

No comprende

[SuprSuprElevated]

On 9/1/2017 at 10:05 PM, Bronzedog said:

There seemed to be an awful lot of people in the room witnessing the birth.

...earning scale.

On 9/2/2017 at 0:10 AM, LilaFowler said:

Here's some advice guys: the next time you use a surrogate, find someone who's local FFS

Isn't it customary to use the same surrogate when possible?  I'm not sure, just asking.  It would be interesting to see if she considers a 2nd for them.

Edited October 22, 2017 by SuprSuprElevated

[SuprSuprElevated]

On 9/4/2017 at 8:30 AM, poeticlicensed said:

Wow , Jeff trying to push the surrogate into an induction was 100% inappropriate. I don't care if they were paying her lots of money. It's about the woman, her doctor, her health and the baby's health. Jeff's schedule is not a factor. I was a week overdue with my first and my BP rose so I was induced. Otherwise my doctor would have let me go longer. I also thought it was awful that only Gage even acknowledged the surrogate after the baby was born. 

I am lol that Jeff and Gage think that the timing of the birth was so stressful. Oh my just wait. Babies don't come with schedules. Just wait. Those two are way too into themselves. They think if they hire enough help, well, problem solved. 

On camera.  We only see a very small pct. of what is filmed.