S07.E09: Loser Takes All

[Primetimer]

Val lets herself get talked out of her nest egg, but finds a (very excitable) new benefactor.

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[Primetimer]

We've collected the most important imagery from 'Loser Take All'!

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[Molly Cule]

A while back, season 5 or 6, I stated that a particular episode was the closest I have ever come to striking my laptop with a closed fist because of Brandon's self-righteous braying.  I formally redact that statement so as to reapply it here. This fucking guy.  Stick it sideways, Shelfhead, this whole sitch is NUNYA and I cannot. 

[TeeVee329]

Tara's story about her sister working on "The Skulls" and critiquing Joshua Jackson's fitness for crewing was 100% more entertaining than anything that happened in "Loser Takes All".

Kelly's glee about narc-ing Valerie out to Brandon was guh-ross.  And while "right church, wrong pew" was a stupid way to phrase it, Brandon was spot-on.  If Steve thought Val needed a woman to talk to, ask Claire, ask Donna, call Brenda in London, don't spill her secrets to Kelly.

Edited July 17, 2017 by TeeVee329

[WhosThatGirl]

Man this is like high in list of Brandon SUCKs episode! I'm not sure where it ranks but it's on the list.

[GoRunner]

I thought you had permanently won my heart in the podcast with "...tip of the dumbberg", a phrase I wish to adopt and raise as my own child. 

 

Then I checked out the visual aids, and "crimp wimple" made me laugh so hard I snorted. I love you guys. Only you could make the season seven slog worthwhile. 

[GoRunner]

This episode is the very height(out of so very many choices) of my intense Brandon dislike. Yes Kelly was Queen Bitch of Get Over Yourself Island, but uber-judge-y asshole Brandon passing such judgement, and laying in wait for her to come home like he was abusive father to her wayward child is absolutely more than I can take. Haaaaaaaate!

 

looking forward to next week and seeing David's license wherein he is a blonde female. And the following week when he encounters creepy Dr. Strange. I wouldn't want to talk to that dude ever. So much show in season seven, so little to "look forward to"... At least there's awesome snark potential. 

[kfree9]

Thank you for pointing out the ridiculous "decaf espresso," order. Nobody does that! Yes, put decaf espresso in a latte or cappuccino, but never on its own.

[GoRunner]

I wondered about the decaf espresso too. I'm not a coffee drinker, but I've never heard or paid attention to her saying decaf before. It came through so clearly in the clip, that I actually said aloud as I was walking, "whaaaat? Decaf? Espresso? Is that a thing?"

[Racj82]

Fuck Brandon so much. Mind your own damn business.

Secondly, I hate 90210's hulu/syndication package so much. I know it may seem like a blessing to be missing episodes but i like to watch along. They are missing like 10 episodes this season and dozens overall. Fucking bullshit. 

No way I'm paying for this show. I have my limits.

[ZeroDiscipline]

I am so pissed that Valerie wasn't actually pregnant. Damn Val. You were so close. It really says something about the shittiness of Brandon and Kelly that I am siding with someone who lied about being pregnant, did research on being pregnant at an doctor's waiting room, pretended to get an abortion, lied about it when confronted, and then extorted her married lover for $100,000. She should have taken the money and moved the fuck out. She won't even be in touch with these people in less than two years time.

[WhosThatGirl]

1 hour ago, ZeroDiscipline said:

I am so pissed that Valerie wasn't actually pregnant. Damn Val. You were so close. It really says something about the shittiness of Brandon and Kelly that I am siding with someone who lied about being pregnant, did research on being pregnant at an doctor's waiting room, pretended to get an abortion, lied about it when confronted, and then extorted her married lover for $100,000. She should have taken the money and moved the fuck out. She won't even be in touch with these people in less than two years time.

Yeah. At the very least she should have kept the money and said she she gave it back. Although Brandon being Brandon probably was going to check that out. Because that's what he does. But yeah.. move out Val! She don't need any of these people! They treat her like she's gum on their shoe. I understand why when Jim and Cindy were around she had to keep up pretenses of trying but they're long gone in another country and she can move out. 

[nutsberryfarm]

ken bannerman is a super star. i bet he manages john sears' very lucrative stock and real estate portfolio too,

[nutsberryfarm]

I thought you had permanently won my heart in the podcast with "...tip of the dumbberg", a phrase I wish to adopt and raise as my own child. 

 

Then I checked out the visual aids, and "crimp wimple" made me laugh so hard I snorted. I love you guys. Only you could make the season seven slog worthwhile. 

slog? only thing the sensational season 7 is missing....is a live perf at the after dark of bannerman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZlFE2J8Ff4

would have been a ratings and critical bonanza. and maybe work in dancin' dave in the band, which also, helps him cure his spazzy issues.

[TeeVee329]

Also, is this season with the retcon about Valerie's dad?  Because if it is, oy, that reference to Kenny reminding her of him is...yikers.

[txhorns79]

Quote

Also, is this season with the retcon about Valerie's dad?  Because if it is, oy, that reference to Kenny reminding her of him is...yikers.

I feel like every season is the season with the retcon about Valerie's dad.  From where it starts in Season 5 to where it ends in Season 8 or 9 is just kind of amazing in terms of the retconning that goes on.  I'm still waiting for Kelly to turn out to be Val's long lost sister.   

[MCMLXXVII]

I want to feel sorry for Val, but doesn't she later this season lose her money to Parker Lewis in some attempt to screw Kelly and wind up on Gut Check cliff (where she could potentially  fall on an innocent motorist's car)? Val's an idiot. 

[benteen]

Val wanted to go in with Kelly's father was pathetic and stupid.

I still don't understand why Val wants to get in with these losers so badly.  She doesn't get along with any of the girls at all and Brandon is an asshole.  Who does that leave?  Steve and David.  Is that what she's clinging onto?

[Cekrypton1]

To be fair, I didn't hear about or eat couscous until 1995.

[TeeVee329]

12 hours ago, MCMLXXVII said:

I want to feel sorry for Val, but doesn't she later this season lose her money to Parker Lewis in some attempt to screw Kelly and wind up on Gut Check cliff (where she could potentially  fall on an innocent motorist's car)? Val's an idiot. 

Doesn't she wind up on Gut Check Cliff because Kelly's trying to throw her out of Casa Walsh?  But I believe afterwards, her and Kel call one of their many truces. 

And then Val comforts herself by hooking up with Steve, who had just broken up with Claire.  Good call, Val.

Edited July 19, 2017 by TeeVee329

[Klaw]

2 hours ago, benteen said:

 

I still don't understand why Val wants to get in with these losers so badly.  She doesn't get along with any of the girls at all and Brandon is an asshole.  Who does that leave?  Steve and David.  Is that what she's clinging onto?

 

One of the must frustrating mysteries of this damn show. It just makes NO sense. I don't know about y'all, but when I was in college, I was meeting new people and making new friends constantly - the socialising, semester/class changes, etc. I think that's probably the age when meeting people is easiest or, at least, easier. Add to that Val runs a NIGHTCLUB in freakin' LOS ANGELES and LOOKS LIKE VAL, again, you just wonder why the hell she wasted her time trying to be in their "obnoxious little clique" (TM Brenda). She should have had her own posse to run with, not to mention classmates trying to befriend her left and right - because? - yea, nightclub. Her attitude may have made some sense in High School, but there's no way she would have been so desperate for the gang's approval. 

I've said this before and I said it again, the writers should have just stuck with Val being an unapologetic bad girl who enjoyed fucking with Kelly and didn't give a crap about Brandon's approval. In addition, she should have had more than enough of her own money (between Jonesy scams and - again - RUNNING A SUPPOSEDLY SUCCESSFUL NIGHTCLUB in LA) to afford her own place with her own friends/roomies. 

Another thing that bugs me is the flexible financial situation of both the PP and the PPAD. Talk about Holy Plot Contrivance Batman! Week to week the PPAD is either the hottest club to ever hit LA or it's a "bleeding ulcer" money pit. And we haven't heard a peep about the PP being in the dumps for a few seasons now even though we all know Nat is still giving away food on the regular.

Other annoying stuff: Tori Spelling's STUFF was so cringe-worthy and embarrassing in this episode, more so than usual. Probably because she was overdoing the mugging and her line delivery was really weirder than usual. That and Kelly, the brilliant Psychology Major,who can't figure out her own "Brother's" mental health issues. And shitty writing aside, the actor who plays Mark comes across as such a tool that I can see where Garth was coming from. There is no sexy, no chemistry, nothing at all attractive about "Mark." Epic casting fail, show!

And finally, because it can't be said enough, STFU, Brandon.

[WhosThatGirl]

It made sense why Val was trying to get in with the gang when she first arrived, she had a pretense for Jim and Cindy but once they peaced off, and it was obvious Kelly was never going to give her a chance and she pretty much runs the tide with the gang.. what was she sticking around with them for? 

They were never nice to her. And yes she ran a club, she would always have friends. But I just never understood the Val character. The writing was so strange. The Donna/Ray/Val thing was so odd.Like why she even hooked up with Ray to begin with? He was not that great. And Donna before that hadn't been that awful to her, if Even mean at all? If it had been kelly who was rays girlfriend at the time that would have different. But Donna? Just because? 

Val never made sense in this show because a normal person wouldn't deal with this crap from people on a daily basis. The only reason she did was because it was a tv show.

[MCMLXXVII]

I wonder if Val subconsciously hated Kelly because she reminds her of her mother? It just struck me that Michelle Phillips as Abby could pass for an older Kelly.

 

[Klaw]

3 hours ago, MCMLXXVII said:

I wonder if Val subconsciously hated Kelly because she reminds her of her mother? It just struck me that Michelle Phillips as Abby could pass for an older Kelly.

 

Man now that you mention it, I can't unsee it!!! Doesn't hurt that Val's mom was a total pedo apologist bitch. (And OMG did I hate that storyline - especially that Val was the one who shot him). UGH.

TAT did the best she could with Val's odd, all over the place characterisations and motivations but yea, the Val character made no sense most of the time.

[Petunia13]

I kinda like Claire's hair color. It's almost a honey brown bronzey blond.

donnas hair looks terrible. The style and her blocky shoulders they insist on showing. 

[luckyroll3]

Oh my god...Kelly would have gotten a full face of both of those cups of coffee she bought if that was me.  So it's not okay for people to mention her slut pass or shame her for it, but she can share to multiple people and speculate (and in public!) about an extremely personal subject to Val because she's oh so righteous?  She's such a fucking bitch!

And Brandon:

[luckyroll3]

And Brandon has values?!?  The same values he had when he was sleeping with his professor's wife?  Whatever man.

Also, if I was Val, I would have continued the lie about being pregnant.  Fuck those assholes....they don't deserve the truth.

How does Kelly manage to graduate with a psychology degree???  She's too busy being a bitch about everything to learn her trade. 

[WhosThatGirl]

I liked the idea of Val at first. Screwing things up bts with the gang.. up until a point and then it got kind of tired and like "what are we watching here?" There were times where I wondered what the show was doing with her.

I sort of wish that Val was somehow in cohoots with Brenda, like off screen Brenda and Val were talking on the phone and sending postcards and letters about how she was screwing over the gang this week. 

If only.

[CurlyATX]

I almost couldn't listen to this podcast- and that's saying a lot because I am still getting over withdrawals from not having AWT full episodes twice a week.  This has to be one of the worst episodes.  

I just wanted to punch Kelly in the face... the "truth shall set you free"? It's not her "truth" to say.  How can she feel ok about spreading the news that someone else was possibly pregnant and got an abortion?  She is just so freaking smug about it? What if Kelly was wrong about this- maybe Val was preggo, went alone to get the procedure and took a cab? I guess she'd have done one of the Hillsters non-apologies where they justify their crappy behavior and say "I'm trying to apologize here" and never even use the word 'sorry'.  

Val needs to hold on to her lies harder... the story is "Kenny lied, got me pregnant, asked me to get an abortion, and didn't pay me squat".  

[atlanticslide]

On 7/19/2017 at 10:20 AM, Cekrypton1 said:

To be fair, I didn't hear about or eat couscous until 1995.

On the other hand, though, Mark seems like the kind of douche who'd tell you about "authentic Moroccan couscous" even in 2017.

As a former college rower, I can confirm that's what both men and women wear for practice, but uniforms for races are actually generally tighter, if you can believe it:

Also, there is no goddamn way a bunch of random frat guys who'd never been in a boat before could prepare and compete with a seasoned boat within a couple of weeks.

In a whole series full of dumb episodes and a season especially chalk full of terrible crap, this might be my least favorite episode of the entire run. Kelly is an asshole, but what I really, really hate is the way that Kenny is treated like a poor victim. Brandon is so friendly and apologetic to him, and everything played out like we're really supposed to see Kenny as someone who's only mistake was falling in love with the wrong woman, and Val as the evil snake who tried to destroy him. Are we supposed to just forget that Kenny was happily cheating on his wife and shacking up with his mistress, lying to said mistress all the while about the status of his marriage? And from how easily Kenny took to all of this, it seems obvious that this wasn't his first time at this. So fuck him, why should we care that he's being extorted? 

Edited July 22, 2017 by atlanticslide

[Klaw]

7 hours ago, atlanticslide said:

In a whole series full of dumb episodes and a season especially chalk full of terrible crap, this might be my least favorite episode of the entire run. Kelly is an asshole, but what I really, really hate is the way that Kenny is treated like a poor victim. Brandon is so friendly and apologetic to him, and everything played out like we're really supposed to see Kenny as someone who's only mistake was falling in love with the wrong woman, and Val as the evil snake who tried to destroy him. Are we supposed to just forget that Kenny was happily cheating on his wife and shacking up with his mistress, lying to said mistress all the while about the status of his marriage? And from how easily Kenny took to all of this, it seems obvious that this wasn't his first time at this. So fuck him, why should we care that he's being extorted? 

THANK YOU!!!! This was so *&#^ aggravating. This was were it was crystal clear that the writers were all middle-aged men (or were women co-opted by the patriarchy), because I cannot believe no one in the writers room raised that same issue and was like "Yea, guys, I know we all write Val as an überBitch, but Kenny? Is an unapologetic asshole so why are we canonising him?" WT actual Fuck?! If Kenny is mad about being extorted, let him go to the cops ... oh yea, he didn't, 'cuz he's guilty as home made sin. I'm really inclined not to care that Val tried to get herself a little justice. Fuck him.

Yea, I know nothing about rowing (even though I went to an Ivy that made a big deal about its crew - HOLLA!) That always seemed like some fantasy bullshit - especially since their first practice they hardly knew how to get into the boat, let alone row it and race it. And it was just a random thing to do. Why crew? Why not something we know Steve was allegedly good at, like volleyball or golf or something. Such a strange way to win Clare back.

On 7/21/2017 at 7:04 AM, WhosThatGirl said:

I sort of wish that Val was somehow in cohoots with Brenda, like off screen Brenda and Val were talking on the phone and sending postcards and letters about how she was screwing over the gang this week. 

Now THAT would have kept me watching (I think I had dropped out watching the show by this miserable season). And I would have loved to have had Val on the phone with "Brenda" cackling about how Kelly is such a bitch but she can't touch her (Val) because Brandon always stays friends with Val no matter what. It also would have been fun at this point in the show if Val was all, yea, "I spoke to Brenda last night - she said Hi but I got the impression I was interrupting her Sexy!Time! with Dylan. How are things with Mark?" 

[atlanticslide]

3 hours ago, Klaw said:

THANK YOU!!!! This was so *&#^ aggravating. This was were it was crystal clear that the writers were all middle-aged men (or were women co-opted by the patriarchy), because I cannot believe no one in the writers room raised that same issue and was like "Yea, guys, I know we all write Val as an überBitch, but Kenny? Is an unapologetic asshole so why are we canonising him?" WT actual Fuck?! If Kenny is mad about being extorted, let him go to the cops ... oh yea, he didn't, 'cuz he's guilty as home made sin. I'm really inclined not to care that Val tried to get herself a little justice. Fuck him. 

Word. I could've gone along with it if, during Brandon's meeting with Kenny, Kenny was a presented as kind of a slimy asshole and Brandon walked out of there without the hearty handshake and went back to Val saying "I know he's a weasel and he lied to you, but I don't want you to get arrested for extortion and blah blah extorting money is wrong blah." He can still bray and act holier-than-Val if he must even if he recognizes that Kenny isn't some poor schmo who got taken advantage of or something.

As it is, it just really drives home the point that the show is constantly making, that women are liars and poor men are the real victims, even when a man does something wrong too (ie, Steve cheats on Celeste with Laura, but we should all feel sorry for Steve because crazy Laura is falsely accusing him of rape). 

[purist]

Quote

It's like this mouth is just begging for a literal sock to get literally jammed in it.

Hee! And PREACH.

[purist]

On 22/07/2017 at 0:03 PM, atlanticslide said:

As a former college rower, I can confirm that's what both men and women wear for practice, but uniforms for races are actually generally tighter, if you can believe it

Anyone who saw the medal presentation for the Men's Lightweight Four at the Sydney Olympics in 2000 knows this VERY well (especially Princess Anne, who presented the medals and got an eyeful!).