S06.E12: Breast Side Up

[Primetimer]

It's another Thanksgiving in Beverly Hills, and if Joe's assault case isn't drama enough, Val will just invent some more.

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[Primetimer]

We've collected all the most important imagery from 'Breast Side Up'!

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[AndySmith]

Quote

You can practically see the orgasm Val's having at the sight of what appears to be blackmail material she can use against Kelly.

I guess that's why we can't see her hands in that shot...

[MerBearStare]

"Hashtag whimsy," cracked my shit up. But why is Kelly wearing a beige pantsuit to go grocery shopping? It must be hard to be flirtatious and whimsical in a beige pantsuit. WTF happened to the wardrobe department during the second half of the series? I think they did a pretty good job dressing the girls (minus Andrea) in high school and early in college, but then it just went totally wrong.

That shot of Val and Steve is funny. I always liked their friendship.

Donna's cloud pajamas! I feel like every girl/woman between the ages of 12 and 29 had those pajamas in the mid-90's. I definitely did.

[benteen]

Kelly's eyebrows...yikes!

I recently got the 1985 Twilight Zone on DVD and just saw an episode with David's mom in it.

Why was there a merry-go-round horse in there?  Is it to go along with Donna's child-like attire?

Edited March 20, 2017 by benteen

[MerBearStare]

I don't want to start a beef or anything, but I must defend Thanksgiving because it is my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving is the best holiday because it's basically entirely devoted to eating. And it's waaaaay more chill than Christmas, so you can actually enjoy spending time with the relatives you see only a few times a year. But, I will add, the 90210 Thanksgiving episodes tend to be terrible.

The background laughter during the scene where Joe is telling Donna that he's a virgin made it 1000% better. Maybe there should be background laughter during all of Donna's scenes? Bless her heart.

[TeeVee329]

Brandon and Kelly are HORRIBLE in this episode.  I cannot believe how self-congratulatory they are about not cheating on their significant others.  At least it resulted in some classic Val Scheme Face, accompanied with a "She's a Bad Girl!" black turtleneck.  Welcome back, old friend.

[ZeroDiscipline]

1 hour ago, MerBearStare said:

That shot of Val and Steve is funny. I always liked their friendship.

I thought the same thing! They look like they are trying hard not to laugh and are having fun filming their scenes together on this dumb show. I sometimes catch Tiffani's show "Dinner with Tiffani" on some cable channel on DirecTV, and she comes across as a truly nice, fun friend.

Kelly looks like a dude from the side. She really messed up her hair.

[Molly Cule]

Should I continue to waste energy being annoyed at the fact that literally ALL of these bungholes minus Brandon HAS FAMILY IN TOWN? Are we to believe Felice Martin of all people lets Donna off from family dinner on that day of all days?

 

Also: shut up forever, Kelly. And shut up, Thanksgiving.

[ZeroDiscipline]

God help me, I love Steve so much in this episode. While everyone else is in a competition for who can make up the most ridiculous drama, Steve keeps it real. Saying grace is boring, so he tries to do it and get over it. Washing dishes sucks and he says so, but he'll still do it. He charms the pants off of everyone, because he knows everyone likes tv. He remains unpretentious and delightful. Steve Sanders is a great character, I am glad they don't expect anything more from him.

[Nanna]

I have about a million comments, but I'll settle for a few.
So Kelly didn't think that she already kind of chose between Brandon and Dylan when she broke up with Dylan and then started dating Brandon? I'd say that was a choice. But that choice was annulled when an expensive holiday was in the mix, I guess.
I seem to remember Mel's lawyer saying the EXACT same thing to David during that trial that Joe's lawyer is now telling Donna. "Just say that you don't remember!" Great advice.
I have so many things to say about how Kelly is a bitch that I'll spare you.

[Nanna]

Kelly's eyebrows...yikes!

I recently got the 1985 Twilight Zone on DVD and just saw an episode with David's mom in it.

Why was there a merry-go-round horse in there?  Is it to go along with Donna's child-like attire?

I'm sure Brandon put it there to remind himself of one of the many times a woman threw himself at him, begging him for sex. Many of us may have tried to block the memory of Andrea on a horse like that...

[TeeVee329]

3 minutes ago, Nanna said:

So Kelly didn't think that she already kind of chose between Brandon and Dylan when she broke up with Dylan and then started dating Brandon? I'd say that was a choice. But that choice was annulled when an expensive holiday was in the mix, I guess.

Also, if she was so concerned/willing to be a martyr about preserving their friendship, she wouldn't have chosen to immediately start dating Brandon two seconds after breaking up with Dylan.  And she also, as I believe Tara pointed out in the podcast, thought that she and Brandon could go back to dating after she turned down his marriage proposal, which nullifies this whole retcon explanation of hers.

Kelly is the worst.  PLEASE START DOING COCAINE!

[Nanna]

God help me, I love Steve so much in this episode. While everyone else is in a competition for who can make up the most ridiculous drama, Steve keeps it real. Saying grace is boring, so he tries to do it and get over it. Washing dishes sucks and he says so, but he'll still do it. He charms the pants off of everyone, because he knows everyone likes tv. He remains unpretentious and delightful. Steve Sanders is a great character, I am glad they don't expect anything more from him.

I agree. It is hard not to love Steve. He could have been terrible (and he is sometimes) but Zierings charm mostly makes up for it, and when he's not being written as a racist and/or crying, the writing for him is pretty good and funny.

[Tara Ariano]

3 hours ago, MerBearStare said:

I don't want to start a beef or anything, but I must defend Thanksgiving because it is my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving is the best holiday because it's basically entirely devoted to eating. And it's waaaaay more chill than Christmas, so you can actually enjoy spending time with the relatives you see only a few times a year. But, I will add, the 90210 Thanksgiving episodes tend to be terrible.

- only about eating a meal

- too close to Christmas

Dumb.

[SarcasticFringe]

If you watch Kelly on the grocery cart closely enough, you can see the exact moment she almost kicks a child in the face! #whimsy

[Diz]

Hat tip to Sarah for accurately pinpointing Donna's Stephanie March/lemon walk.

[Panda Bear]

How is Clare old enough to buy alcohol? She's a year behind the gang and they're all just turning 21 this season. 

[luckyroll3]

6 hours ago, Nanna said:

I have about a million comments, but I'll settle for a few.
So Kelly didn't think that she already kind of chose between Brandon and Dylan when she broke up with Dylan and then started dating Brandon? I'd say that was a choice. But that choice was annulled when an expensive holiday was in the mix, I guess.
I seem to remember Mel's lawyer saying the EXACT same thing to David during that trial that Joe's lawyer is now telling Donna. "Just say that you don't remember!" Great advice.
I have so many things to say about how Kelly is a bitch that I'll spare you.

 

6 hours ago, TeeVee329 said:

Also, if she was so concerned/willing to be a martyr about preserving their friendship, she wouldn't have chosen to immediately start dating Brandon two seconds after breaking up with Dylan.  And she also, as I believe Tara pointed out in the podcast, thought that she and Brandon could go back to dating after she turned down his marriage proposal, which nullifies this whole retcon explanation of hers.

Kelly is the worst.  PLEASE START DOING COCAINE!

You know the best way to not come between two friends? How about not cheating on your boyfriend with his best friend.  Their friendship wouldn't have been threatened if she wasn't being a bitch to begin with.  So please, Kelly (and writers) stop trying to convince us that YOU were the bigger person who sacrificed your happiness for the sanctity of friendship.  Bitch please.

[MCMLXXVII]

4 hours ago, Tara Ariano said:

- only about eating a meal

- too close to Christmas

Dumb.

Especially if family is a plane ride away, the cultural expectation to travel for both Thanksgiving and Christmas is annoying. Though as an atheist, I appreciate that it's a family holiday not specific to religious celebration/ churchgoing.

Edited March 20, 2017 by MCMLXXVII

[radishcake]

Dave & Sarah losing their shit and Tara's huge sigh is my favorite thing ever. I'll be saving this episode forever.

[Jax7917]

2 hours ago, luckyroll3 said:

 

You know the best way to not come between two friends? How about not cheating on your boyfriend with his best friend.  Their friendship wouldn't have been threatened if she wasn't being a bitch to begin with.  So please, Kelly (and writers) stop trying to convince us that YOU were the bigger person who sacrificed your happiness for the sanctity of friendship.  Bitch please.

And then Brandon was all , " that's true kel , I guess you're right ". Because when isn't Kelly portrayed as the one being right ? Her excuse was so full of shit . First she falls in love with her best friends boyfriend , then her boyfriends best friend , then cheats on the best friend with her ex boyfriend again .. how in the world Val is the one portrayed as a hooch on this show is beyond me . 

[Flamingo]

I thought the pre Thanksgiving meal blessing from Joe was short. But I grew up Southern Baptist when every blessing was an opportunity to convert someone or convince someone to confess their great sin and renew their faith. You couldn't just be thankful for the food. I would have been so thankful for either Steve's or Joe's version.

[Flamingo]

Dave & Sarah losing their shit and Tara's huge sigh is my favorite thing ever. I'll be saving this episode forever.

Agree!

[SoupThrower]

To be fair on David being a pill. What story lines does BAG get? I would be moody like if I have to do basically nothing and have shitty story lines. Plus I get with Dylan gone, so one has to be moodyish. All he even did this episode was tell Valerie that she did a great job, sleep with Valerie and ordered cans.

Kelly is the worst. Who at age 20ish rides on a trolley like that? Basically warps her cheating on Brandon so not to ruin Dylan and Brandon's friendship and basically lecturing Donna about sex and those awkward questions to Brandon. She was keen to move towards Brandon with Colin out of town. I can give any of the main characters a pass except for her. 

Donna's "Heeeng" is worse than Baby voice Kelly. Just a tad though. Also it has to be that Joe is a virgin, so we can continue with Donna is a virgin for another whole season....yay....

[SoupThrower]

Wait. How would Steve Young know about Joe's court case stuff?

[TeeVee329]

I actually thought, if the writers wanted/Aaron Spelling insisted Donna remain a virgin, giving her a boyfriend who was also a virgin was a smart move, because then we wouldn't get the repetitiveness of Donna being pressured about it that we got with David and Ray.

But thinking about it, Donna's actually a pretty terrible role model in this regard, given that she seems to have no personal conviction about it of her own (she felt green lighted by what she found out about Felice's past) and was about to sleep with a guy she's been dating a month to hold on to him.

[Sarah D. Bunting]

Quote

literally ALL of these bungholes

...Dying.

[ZeroDiscipline]

6 hours ago, SoupThrower said:

All he even did this episode was tell Valerie that she did a great job, sleep with Valerie and ordered cans.

David is living his best life right now. I adore the two of them together. I recently saw this episode on the Pop channel, and I remember at some point David totally gossiping with Val about Kelly and Brandon. He was such a little bitch about it too, but completely realistic, especially because Kelly is his sister at this point. David kind of planted the seed in Val's head that Brandon and Kelly were still into each other. What a shame Val had to take it too far, she and David could have snarked off about this well into the cocaine storyline, and could definitely have gotten Steve and Claire onboard too. Total bitchfests, every day.

[ZeroDiscipline]

6 hours ago, SoupThrower said:

Wait. How would Steve Young know about Joe's court case stuff?

We are to believe that Joe is a very important Big-10 type quarterback that is being eyed up by all of the NFL teams, and also that CU is a prestigious university with a very important football program that we are just hearing about now. So, Joe's troubles would have been all over the newspapers and the evening news. And of course Steve Young has time to be really invested in Joe's case, even though this is all going on deep in the heart of NFL football season.

I am going to start saying "hey, see you in the Hall of Fame" as a goodbye diss, just as Steve Young did to Joe.

[Earmuffs Mom]

1 hour ago, ZeroDiscipline said:

I remember at some point David totally gossiping with Val about Kelly and Brandon. He was such a little bitch about it too, but completely realistic, especially because Kelly is his sister at this point.

I remember this too - something about how they were circling each other all day or something like that.  I seem to remember them discussing it in David's dorm room or maybe Val's room while they talked about his mom?

[Jax7917]

we're also supposed to believe that Joe decided to give up his dream of playing professional football that he spoke about the ENTIRE season, just to leave college, go back home, and coach little league or whatever he'd be coaching? I hate that whenever a character gets written off the show, they have to be moving somewhere else. Why can't anyone ever just break up, and go in separate directions with their lives? Examples- susan, clare, nikki, carly, joe and mannnnny more had to leave beverly hills when they could have just broken up with the main character and lived their lives separately while still living in bev hills.

[MerBearStare]

40 minutes ago, Jaclyn88 said:

we're also supposed to believe that Joe decided to give up his dream of playing professional football that he spoke about the ENTIRE season, just to leave college, go back home, and coach little league or whatever he'd be coaching?

I could be mistaken, but I think later in this season Joe finds out he has some kind of heart condition and that he's at risk if he continues to play football. But regardless, he still could have dropped football but stayed in school instead of moving back home.

[maxineofarc]

EVERY TIME I think we've finally hit Peak Baby Voice, Kelly proves me wrong.

[benteen]

It was to coach his high school football team.  It's very unlikely that anyone who just finished playing college football would be given a head coaching job.  There are exceptions of course.  Tom Coughlin coached a Division III team a year after he graduated college (after spending a year as a graduate assistant at his alma mater) but going straight from being a college player to a head coach just isn't going to happen, even at the high school level.  Generally, most people who want to be head football coaches have to put in AT LEAST a decade as an assistant before that happens.  The Raiders just hired a man to be their head coach who is 30 years old and that is the youngest NFL head coach by far.

It's not unusual for someone not to pursue a dream of pro football or to leave that sport early.  Though I would buy it a lot more if Joe had given it a shot and then decided that pro football wasn't what he anted to do in the long run.

Joe does get diagnosed with a heart condition but has surgery to correct it.  The doctors tell him he can play again.  If he had been reluctant anyway after his surgery, I could have bought it a little more instead of deciding to become a coach.

Edited March 21, 2017 by benteen

[AndySmith]

Quote

I think later in this season Joe finds out he has some kind of heart condition and that he's at risk if he continues to play football.

Yeah, that sounds familiar.

[benteen]

Now that I think about it, did Joe even graduate college?  I imagine that would be required for him to be hired by his old high school to run their football team.

It would make far more sense if Joe's old high school coach asked him to join his coaching staff.

[Jax7917]

That's what im saying. He did have a heart condition but his surgery went well and he was able to play again. But why would you drop out of college to coach high school football? Especially when you were supposedly so good that you had a possible future in the NFL? It was just a stupid way to break him and Donna up.

[Klaw]

The infantilising of women on this show is so so gross. The baby voice, the fucking simpleton virgin routine. Gross. 

Agree with everything. I would have LOVED if they had had Brandon respond to Kelly's little martyr routine: "Well, you did have a choice - you could have chosen to stay with me and not messed around with your ex-boyfriend Dylan, but hey, whatever, bitch, I'm into Susan now." The fact that Brandon lapdogs after her is so gross. Have some fucking dignity, JONES.

Plus her attitude toward Donna is so aggravating. What sexually active 20 year old BFF would actively try to dissuade her girl from getting hers? I would be so like, do it! What are you waiting for? It's fun! You only didn't do it because your uptight bitch Mom guilted you and now you know she was a big ol' slut so have at it! Here's a pack of condoms! The fact that they made Kelly a mini-Felice this episode was so annoying. 

Maybe i'm the only one, but it's a giant pet peeve of mine when people eat while supermarket shopping. It's tacky, no class and technically stealing (if you don't pay for it, which I've seen people do). I just think it goes to that gross entitlement streak Steve exhibits on occasion. I don't find it charming at all. I wonder how the store manager would have treated D'Shawn or someone who looked like him if he had just helped himself to chips & salsa while shopping. Wait until you've paid for your food, Steve! That said, his grace was awesome.

[Klaw]

2 hours ago, Jaclyn88 said:

 

That's what im saying. He did have a heart condition but his surgery went well and he was able to play again. But why would you drop out of college to coach high school football? Especially when you were supposedly so good that you had a possible future in the NFL? It was just a stupid way to break him and Donna up.

 

Amen. And not for nothing, while I'm not a football fan, I did grow up in Pennsylvania and HS football was a pretty big deal. (Maybe not Texas-level big deal, but there's a reason "All the Right Moves" was set in Pennsylvania). Especially in the Penn State pre-scandal era, so coaching a good PA HS team would have been a big deal (feeding stars to Penn State or other big football colleges). Why Joe wouldn't finish college and then return to coach, I have no idea, unless we're to believe he finished college in PA? Either way,  stupid. 

Wait, is this the season we get Donna writhing on the hood of a car? And St. Joe gets all pissy about it? Oh jeez. 

[AndySmith]

You're welcome.

 

Edited March 21, 2017 by AndySmith

[MuuMuuChainsmoker]

3 hours ago, AndySmith said:

You're welcome.

 

 

Yipes.  That Moneymaker isn't so much shaking as it is convulsing spasmodically. 

[Uncle JUICE]

Can someone please explain to me why on earth Donna would have ever found out any of that shit Felice told her because she was involved in the Rose Tournament or whatever stupid shit that I can't believe still exists today? Is there someone there like in the selectee's tent, where they go in, you sign your card or whatever, and the person working for this thing says "Great, so now let me just make sure that your parent wasn't part of this 25 years ago...ooh, that's weird, your mom WAS part of this. Let me continue checking the file that we kept updating right after she dropped out of the tournament suspiciously....hmm, it says here she was pregnant out of wedlock, which meant she had S- E- X! And then got married apparently days later, and since we have strict rules about married people being in this for some reason or another, she quit! In self imposed disgrace! And NOW THAT SIN STAINS YOU TOO! GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR TOURNAMENT, YOU DISGUSTING SLUTSPAWN! And DON'T ASK WHY IT'S CALLED A TOURNAMENT WHEN WE JUST JUDGE WOMEN LIKE WE JUDGE PRIZE CATTLE, EITHER, GUTTER TRASH!" 

Couldn't Felice have just said "It was too much for me at the time"? 

[CurlyATX]

This is one of the worst episodes!  Seriously the crack up between Sarah and Dave was the best part and I had a wonderful ab workout thanks to them. (shoutout to my birthday buddy @Sarah D. Bunting!)

Kelly/Brandon: they basically PLAN to cheat and then talk themselves out of it and act like they should be given medals.  Who does that? Brandon should have told her that it wouldn't be appropriate for her to stay there overnight, given their history.  That's plain and simple.

Val/David: just freaking tell David.  It's a million times easier than what ever he's assuming.  After all, everyone knows she got the windfall from Jonesy to buy the club and live in the hotel, right?  David needs to chill and let his fingers do that walking (so to speak) stop pressuring her to have sex.  You know it'll be amazing, so just wait!  And who wants to make Thanksgiving dinner alone?! I've been doing it since I've been married and I HATE it.  Anytime someone is able to help, I take it.  When I was 21 I barely knew how to cook.  This wasn't when FoodTV was big, it was jus those Saturday shows on PBS, so we didn't have kid foodies like we do now.  I think for the new challenge we need to do something about Kelly's bitchiness... someone has talked about it before.  Like 5 ways Kelly's Cat Butt Mouth needed to be slapped.

[ZeroDiscipline]

19 hours ago, Klaw said:

it's a giant pet peeve of mine when people eat while supermarket shopping. It's tacky, no class and technically stealing (if you don't pay for it, which I've seen people do). I just think it goes to that gross entitlement streak Steve exhibits on occasion.

I agree with all of this, and I think the writers on this show wanted us to feel like the gang is so cool for horsing around at the grocery store, like us normals watching. That said. I recently went to a grocery store that had a fruit stand right when you walk in offering kids their choice of an apple or a banana that they can eat while shopping. I had two kids with me, and that did keep them quiet and orderly for 5 minutes or so, and they sure got a kick out of it. But notice-- we are talking about 2 school children under 10.

[Uncle JUICE]

49 minutes ago, CurlyATX said:

 

Val/David: just freaking tell David.  It's a million times easier than what ever he's assuming.  After all, everyone knows she got the windfall from Jonesy to buy the club and live in the hotel, right?  David needs to chill and let his fingers do that walking (so to speak) stop pressuring her to have sex.  You know it'll be amazing, so just wait!  And who wants to make Thanksgiving dinner alone?! I've been doing it since I've been married and I HATE it.  Anytime someone is able to help, I take it.  When I was 21 I barely knew how to cook.  This wasn't when FoodTV was big, it was jus those Saturday shows on PBS, so we didn't have kid foodies like we do now.  I think for the new challenge we need to do something about Kelly's bitchiness... someone has talked about it before.  Like 5 ways Kelly's Cat Butt Mouth needed to be slapped.

The idea that I might have to "console myself" for not having sex with Val by ONLY playing with her boobs and other areas, that's enough to get me to make like eight mix tapes for her right now! You know she wasn't selfish either, she'd have given you a little tuggy orbetter, and you also know she wasn't talking about ten years. What is it, a couple of weeks? Months? To get on THAT? That shit is NOTHING. Stop complaining, and backhandedly slut shaming her by saying things like "You fuck everyone else, why not me?!?" Asshole.  

[Jax7917]

Agreed David was coming on strong, but let's be honest. He's not wrong. Val sleeps with everyone and their boyfriends after 2 seconds but won't sleep with her OWN boyfriend . I'd be pissed too.

I also hate when David and Donna finally do have sex, and he says "how did I get so lucky?".. and she says, "you waited."... in what world did David wait 7 years?

[Earmuffs Mom]

The song is "Light the Match."  It's appropriate since I want to set myself on fire after watching that.  I cannot wait for Tara and Sarah's reactions and visual aids.

[Molly Cule]

On 3/21/2017 at 0:43 PM, MerBearStare said:

I could be mistaken, but I think later in this season Joe finds out he has some kind of heart condition and that he's at risk if he continues to play football. But regardless, he still could have dropped football but stayed in school instead of moving back home.

Let us not forget what we have to look forward to in regards to that plotline: approximately 17,983 hours of the Niners and Jonathan FLYING BIPLANES (insert twenty crying emoji here).

[Sarah D. Bunting]

Happy birthday, CurlyATX!