Quotes: "Oh dear God!"

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Bibi: "You have no idea of the filthy appetites I had to satisfy."

 

Roz: "He was eighty-five, how bad could it have been?"

 

Bibi: "Ever worn a saddle?"

 

Roz: "I don't have to answer that, do I?"

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Frasier: "Oh, Lilith, that dress is stunning."

 

Lilith: "It's from a new couture line called Encore."

 

Frasier: "Well, bravo! I can almost feel the curtain rising!"

 

Niles: "Frasier!"

[BizBuzz]

I don't know how many times I have watched Frasier all the way through, but I just started again last night.  This scene gets me all the time.  I know why they had to make Martin so surly in the beginning, but the sly smile when Martin delivers his punch line gave a hint how incredibly funny he was going to be:

 

Frasier: Well, it's a, it's a style of decorating, it's called "eclectic." Well, the theory behind it is, if you've got really fine pieces of furniture, it doesn't matter if they match - they will go together.
Martin: It's your money.

 

After the chair got delivered is where Martin shines with his line:

 

Frasier: Oh look, Dad, as dear as I'm sure this, this piece is to you I, I just don't think it goes with anything here!
Martin: I know, it's eclectic!

[Bort]

Frasier: Are you aware that you are in the men's room?

Bebe: Oh please, if I paid attention to signs with little pictures on them, I'd never get a parking space.

[VanillaBear85]

"Veneer!"

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"And screw, may I add, you!"

[TexasTiffany]

"Veneer!"

(I'll chime in.)

[SomethingClever]

From Merry Christmas, Mrs. Moskowitz, one of my favorites, where Frasier and Niles have to pretend to be Jewish:

 

Frasier: Think you can pull it off?

Niles: No problem...ooh, ham.

F: Niles, please. We have to find a time to tell dad about this too.

N: You mean "Papa"

 

Helen: Who has a nice toast? Niles?

N: Ok...L'chaim!...Mazel Tov!...Next Year in Jerusalem!

F: Take it down a notch, Tevye

 

F: Niles, why don't you see if you can go help dad in the kitchen?

N: Alright, but he'll probably just kvetch at me, and frankly I don't need the tsuris

[TexasTiffany]

"Flesh is burning, ne-ne-ne-ne-nene... flesh is burning, ne-ne-ne-ne-nene..."

[daisydonut]

Great - now I'll have that song stuck in my head all day!

[mansonlamps]

Great - now I'll have that song stuck in my head all day!

 

Don't you mean "stuck in  me head all day!"  One of the things noticed most about Daphne's changing accent over the series was that in the beginning she often said me in place of my.

[BizBuzz]

Don't you mean "stuck in  me head all day!"  One of the things noticed most about Daphne's changing accent over the series was that in the beginning she often said me in place of my.

 

I am on a rewatch of Murphy Brown right now (on Encore Classics) and Jane Leeves played Miles (OMG, just realized Niles/Miles) girlfriend and her accent back then ... it's so hard to know it's the same person.

[Bort]

I would assume Leeves's accent on Murphy Brown is probably her real one (I don't recall, it's been ages since I've seen her on it). I spent the winter in Sussex (four loooooong and cold months) which is where Leeves is from and the accent there tends to be kind of... I don't know, posh?

[VanillaBear85]

"We leave at daybreak!"

[merylinkid]

What is it with you and daybreak.

[crazycatchick]

Niles: "They think the best I can do is an old man with a cane!" 

 

Frasier: "Oh my God, it's a box of miniature Eddies!"

 

Frasier: "Yes, Roz. Say something amusing in Esperanto!"

 

Roz: "No I can't stay, the FLEET IS IN TOWN."

 

Roz: "Wait, at one time your daughers-in-law were Lillith and Maris...Happy Thanksgiving to you!"

Edited August 6, 2014 by crazycatchick

[Bort]

I've been plowing through the seasons on Netflix. I'm about to finish season 9. There was a bit in the episode where Frasier and Roz did it that made me laugh out loud, where Martin comes out:

Martin: You see the paper yet?

Frasier: Uh, no, I haven't.

Martin: Big story about how Roz's purse spent the night on the coffee table.

*dies*

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Frasier: "She's back! The bane of my existence!"

 

Niles: "Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town; dogs forming in packs, blood weeping down the wall...."

[Bort]

Daphne: Oh come on now, Dr. Crane, it's not like men have never used sex to get what they want.

Frasier: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex IS what we want!

[Jac]

From the brilliant and already quoted numerous times Room Service:

Lilith: If you had just given in to me last night instead of this morning the three of us wouldn't be in this hell.

Fraiser: No, it would be the two of us in a whole different hell.

From The Show Where Lilith Comes Back:

Frasier: You want to bag dinner?

Lilith: we've got a bed and an honor bar, what else do we need?

Edited August 21, 2014 by JacquelineLHope

[ari333]

Frasier to caller on the radio:" My wife left me.... and it was painful. Then she came back..... and it was excruciating."

[mansonlamps]

Haha that reminds me of Daphne talking about Niles and Maris when Frasier thinks he's caught them nearly having sex during a thunderstorm at Niles's mansion: He was just saying how he loves her excruciating little face.

[Tamariskie]

From when Eddie got injured and had to wear one of those plastic cones to keep from scratching his wound:

Frasier: I ask you to keep that dog quiet and instead you outfit him with a megaphone!

 

From when Frasier is about to fire Bebe and she tries to get Roz as a client instead:

Roz: It's not like she worships the devil.

Frasier: She doesn't have to! He worships her!

[zillabreeze]

Felicity Huffman in guest appearance is treating everyone like crap and then tells Roz to get her a cup of coffee.

 

Felicity(spitting): "You call THIS coffee?"

 

Roz (deadpan): "Most of it"

[Jac]

From Adventures in Paradise Part 2:

Lilith, speaking to Madeline, Frasier's current love interest: I'm here on a layover and, judging by Frasier's trademark mangoes on a stick, so are you.

From Room Service:

Frasier is attempting to get Lilith into bed: you need your Frasier.

[Irlandesa]

This one occurred to me today and I just love it.  It's from "Are You Being Served" when Niles signs his divorce papers based on his mother's journal.  At the end of the episode, they keep reading the journal and get to this part.

 

Niles:  No, it means I have ended my marriage to the woman I love based on the case history of a spineless rat.....My reasoning was based on my mother's obsession with vermin!

 

http://youtu.be/6tcUrPORJNA?t=18m40s

As with so many things with Niles, it's all in DHP's delivery.   And then it goes right into the perhaps the greatest moment in Frasier history-the "hot and foamy" explosion. 

Edited September 3, 2014 by Irlandesa

[lilly6]

Daphne to Niles:  "Dr. Crane, your glockenspiel has sprung to life!"

 

 

[daisydonut]

Niles to Bulldog: "I'm here for you ... and you're over there for me."

[VanillaBear85]

Frasier: "Niles, I would shave my head for you."

Niles: "A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year."

[Melgaypet]

Roz: Lilith, it's me, Roz Doyle.

Lilith. Ah, yes, Frasier's fun-loving producer. (eyes Roz's pregnant belly) Who has apparently had a little too much fun...loving.

Roz: Y'know, I'd love to throw one right back at ya, Lilith, but I gotta pee.

[4leafclover]

Niles--"I'm reminded of Maris's brief flirtation with active wear when I assured her, 'You look fine, darling.  Spandex is supposed to blouse.' "
 

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Roz: "Well, I think hugging is very healthy. I read somewhere that lots of physical contact actually prolongs your life."

 

Frasier: "In that case, you should outlast Styrofoam."

[Corporal Agarn]

Anything that Lilith says is golden.  Particularly when she's talking to Brent Spiner on the plane and he asks if she's anything like her demon goddess namesake. 

Lilith: I make her look like a vacillating cream puff.

 

From the episode "The Doctor is Out," one of my favorites, the way Patrick Stewart says "Frasier!" with such flourish.  I can't say "Frasier" without saying it the Patrick Stewart way.  And the exchange between Alistair and Daphne after he's invited them all to a party:

Daphne: Will Peter O'Toole be there?

Alistair: No.  And he knows why.

 

*dies*

 

It's amazing how many lines in this show make me laugh out loud, and so much of it is in the delivery.  Even mundane lines are hysterically funny.

Edited November 5, 2014 by Corporal Agarn

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Speaking of Lilith on the plane with Brent Spiner:

 

Stewardess: "Wow, you two look really pale. Is there anything I can get you?"

 

Lilith: "Do you happen to have any spare melanin lying around?"

[BizBuzz]

Frasier: (referring to Diane) People can change, Dad.

Matin: I agree. Take me for instance. The old Martin would tell you you were are out of your mind. I'd rather see you go gay and shack up with the punk who shot me than go out with her.

 

Cracks me up, every.single.time.

[Tamariskie]

Roz (talking about Bulldog): Oh, my God, it's in love!

[VanillaBear85]

Daphne: "He said priggishly."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Roz: "Bulldog, if you don't come out of there in the next ten seconds, I'm gonna reach in there and pull you out by your ankles!"

 

Niles: "Hello, Roz, playing hard to get?"

[Cobalt Stargazer]

*Frasier has had sex with Kate Costas*

 

Niles: "Where did you do it? Does her couch fold out?"

Frasier: "We used her desk."

Niles: "Her desk folds out?!"

Yes, Niles, her desk folds out. :-P

Edited January 3, 2015 by Cobalt Stargazer

[Princess Sparkle]

There are so many great lines in The Ski Lodge, but I think my favorite would have to be:

 

"Wait, wait, wait. Let me see if I've got this straight. All the lust coursing through this lodge tonight, all the hormones virtually ricocheting off the walls, and no one... was chasing me? 

*Pause*

See you at breakfast!"

 

And Ham Radio is my favorite episode, but when I completely lose it is "Help!  He's got a nug!"

[merylinkid]

The ski lodge line may very well be my favorite line of the entire series.    It's just the way he deliver its.   Such disappointment.

[Snarklepuss]

The Ski Lodge was hysterically funny the first seven times but now I can't bear it.  Same for "Ham Radio".  One of my favorites has always been "Daphne's Room".  I can watch that one a million times and still laugh!

[Snarklepuss]

From "Someone to Watch over Me":

 

Roz (to Frasier): Well be careful out there. There's a lot of creeps.
Frasier: Oh Roz I hate that word "creeps". There's a lot of odd
         people in this business. I never refer to any of them as a
         "creep". [bulldog comes into the booth]
Bulldog: Hey Roz will you stop wearing those corduroys? I can't see
         your pantyline. [Roz looks at Frasier who rolls his eyes]
Frasier: Although some people do send me groping for synonyms.

[JohnnyGilda]

Discussing Blaine Sternin, Lilith's con artist half-brother (played by someday Oscar nominee Michael Keaton)...

Martin: I think he's charming.

Frasier: Charm is just the viscous grease with which he oils his flim-flam machine.

 

After Blaine shows up in a wheelchair and Frasier still believes he's up to no good...

 

Daphne: Dr. Crane, the man is in a wheelchair.

Frasier: Which means that someone. Somewhere. Is missing a wheelchair!

Edited January 30, 2015 by JohnnyGilda

[ketose]

I just saw The Show Must Go Off last night. This is where Frasier puts on a play by a Shakespearean actor from his youth. He and Niles realize he's always been terrible from an old tape.

 

Frasier: He has no instincts. Just stinks.

 

For some reason, that cracks me up.

[blubld43]

Anything at all that Daphne's brother ever said.  Anything.

[VanillaBear85]

This stinks! This is total BS!

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Frasier: "Look at Niles over-acting, pretending to be happy. Have you ever seen anything more pathetic?"

 

Martin: "You and Lilith?"

 

Frasier: "That was a rhetorical question, Dad!"

Edited April 18, 2015 by Cobalt Stargazer

[SeenYouWitKieffah]

--Niles: My brother is too kind.  He was already eminent when my eminence was merely imminent.

 

--Martin: Maris is learning German. Just when you thought she couldn't get any cuddlier.

 

--Frasier: Yes, Niles, I used to have the same problem with my multiple personality patients.  They always kept saying that the other one had sent the check!

 

--Niles: Maris exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting. 

 

the rest are from possibly my favorite episode ever, Dinner Party

 

--Niles: Yes, they are such a charming couple; reminds me of Maris and I when we were happy.

Frasier: Really? I must have been sick that day. 

 

--Niles: I suppose we can always get Kiki Price.
Frasier: She still in business?
Niles: Yes, they dropped the charges!

 

--Roz: He said I wasn't classy enough to come to his fancy dinner party!
Frasier: Roz, you know I didn't mean that.
Daphne: Oh, get in line.  I've lived here for six years and the only time I'm asked to that table is when I'm holding a freaking serving spoon!

 

--Niles: Wait.... that's not a blackball, that's a dried up old fig!

Frasier: Well, so is Missy Cromwell and I don't want her at my party! 

 

and my favorite exchange of all, it's totally in the delivery and KILLS me every time

 

--Niles: You see, she never said "odd" - we're getting upset over nothing.
Frasier: Nothing?  Is there a good end to that sentence?!  "Personally, I think the whole arrangement is a little..."  What?!  Charming?!

 

--Niles: This is absurd!  Why don't we just call Allison up and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us?  We can both get her on an extension.
Frasier: Better yet, why don't we just get on a bicycle built for two, ride over there and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us!

 

(( sorry for posting so many, but this show has cheered me up on many a sad day :) ))

Edited April 18, 2015 by SeenYouWitKieffah

[ByTor]

Niles to Danny Kriezel: "You have the big Mercedes???"