Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[Snaporaz]

Now I have no head for business, but if a Brash and Sassy revival could solve all of N-C's financial woes, why does it need to be *revived* at all? It seems to me that you wouldn't discontinue popular, profitable products.

Wow, using social media to promote her idea proves that Victoria really is a marketing genius! (if Mr. Peabody sets the time machine to 1996).

[Suby]

The same thing when JH is standing along side JM.  He makes him look like greasy roadkill! He is one tall good looking drink of water! ♥

Nick Newman looks like greasy roadkill no matter who he is standing next to. :p

[Slowpokey]

Nick Newman looks like greasy roadkill no matter who he is standing next to. :p

True Suby he sure does!  lol  He really is looking gross these days. JH is just all kinds of sexy everything compared to him.

[movinon]

Missing the hell out of you, Peach - Hope everything's alright.  We can watch the show, but it's not half as much fun.  I know it's only been a few days, but it seems like forever.  This thread is the first place I go when I get up and get a cup of coffee.  Last year, I had my coffee on my patio and looked at the pool - go figure!.

[peach]

Life is just super crazy right now.  I did catch up on watching last week's episodes, and will probably do a shorter overview, so I can get back to the present.  I hate missing out on the main comment thread.   Before I get anything posted, I will say that for all the consternation about what Chuck Pratt might do, so far I give him a thumbs up for moving the story along and for some moments that I will be pointing out very soon. 

Life is just super crazy right now.  I did catch up on watching last week's episodes, and will probably do a shorter overview, so I can get back to the present.  I hate missing out on the main comment thread.   Before I get anything posted, I will say that for all the consternation about what Chuck Pratt might do, so far I give him a thumbs up for moving the story along and for some moments that I will be pointing out very soon. 

[movinon]

Take your time - we can wait.

 

Take your time - we can wait

 

LOL

[Foghorn Leghorn]

Take your time - we can wait.

 

Take your time - we can wait

 

LOL

 

I was going to do the same thing movinon!!  LOL

Edited January 27, 2015 by Foghorn Leghorn

[Suby]

True Suby he sure does!  lol  He really is looking gross these days. JH is just all kinds of sexy everything compared to him.

He really looked bad today in the white tshirt at the GCAC.  What a slob.

[peach]

Tue, Jan 20   Organic Essences

 

Kelly’s coming down the stairs at the club, when Phyllis comes strolling in the revolving door.  Kelly holds her hand up.  “NO, Phyllis.  This is where I work.  I’m not getting in some screaming match with you over what you did to me and Jack.”  What Phyllis did??  Well, can Kelly say the same thing with a straight face after she sees THIS?!  She pulls out the blonde wig.  “Look what I found, right where you left it!” she says.  Kelly’s like…okay, weirdo.

 

Dr. Cutler has arrived at the Abbott manse.  Jack sending his corporate jet made the urgency clear.  And free.   But human experimenter Dr. Cutler/Pen gets a little pissy when he finds out Phyllis isn’t even in the hospital.  He has OTHER patients who need malpractice treatment, okay?   He could have just emailed Jack about Victor making him megadose Phyllis with coma juice, and the possible side effects.  Well, Jack doesn’t do shit like this by email, okay?  He needs to know.  “Do you have other patients who have lost their grip on reality??”

 

New besties Hilary and Lily show up at the spa suite.  Oof, it’s super nice.  I want to go there, like yesterday.  Lily thinks it’s great, too.  “I can safely say I never saw this coming,” says Hilary.  But she kinda thinks it’s nice and makes Neil happy.  That’s what Lily loves about Hilary, she always puts Dad first.  The fact that Hilary loves her dad trumps all the other issues, like all the times she screamed that Hilary was a conniving bitch trying to destroy their entire family.  She hopes they’ll be friends after this!  Hilary’s like..yay.  She leaves to go order up a bunch of spa treatments for the two of them.  Devon obviously wants to get caught because he’s waiting out in the hall to ambush Hilary with his amazing love.  She freaks out because LILY!  But he silences her with one of his mind-boggling kisses.

 

Neil’s excitedly chatting with Cane at the club about his experimental anti-blindness treatment.   Cane thinks he should tell Hilary, like, as a gift.  Nope, until he’s sure, he just wants Hilary to relax and be pampered, and get some quality downtime screwing Devon.  Cane whispers the news about he and Jill deciding to acquire Chancellor with some Box Tops and magical thinking.  Colin horns in.

 

Jill visits Victor at the office.  “How the hell are you?  And what can I do for you?” he asks.  She says it’s what she can do for HIM.  “You know I enjoy our conversations a lot, but there’s nothing you can do for me,” he winks.  But have a seat.  Let’s talk Chancellor, shall we?  She told him backing the warehouse project was a bad idea.  And now everyone knows he’s the seller, so somehow his company’s going to take a big hit.  Yawn.  Blah blah.  Jill says she can help him save face, make him a bundle, and she MAY be his last hope.  Victor laughs because that’s dumb.

 

Abby questions Stitch if it’s possible to overload on the product.  If they add it to shampoo and stuff is there a problem with the cumulative effect?  Only if you mind getting raped by strangers.  Ashley comes in the lab in a huff.  The paper says Newman Chancellor is reviving Brash & Sassy!  “It’s HUGE, it’s ICONIC, and it’s BACK?!” cries Abby.  OH, NO!  Their cosmetics company is selling cosmetics!!!  Ashley is furious.  This is VICTOR AND VICTORIA at work!  They’re trying to steal their thunder and beat them to market with a totally unrelated product!   No wonder Newman-Chancellor’s not making any money if introducing a new product is news this big. 

 

Ash says worst case scenario is that Victor knows what they have and how to make it, which would be very, VERY bad for them.  It’s pretty obvious that bringing back 90’s teen cosmetics means he knows they’re making rape fragrance.  She hints that Stitch might have something to do with all this, which really hacks him off.  “Men have done far less for love,” she chides.

 

Jill says she doesn’t see a big line of people waiting to help Victor out.  “I’ll be damned.  How kind of you to want to protect me.”  Well, Jill is a very kind and generous soul.  Victor says despite her kindness, the warehouse sale with go through.  “This is ME,” says Jill, “I’m not some corporate neophyte that thinks you part the Red Sea.”  Someone really wanted to use their word of the day calendar page more than once.  Jill’s seen him up and down and in between.  “You and I have been in many positions,” chuckles Victor.  Jill insists that he wouldn’t risk Nikki’s wrath or her health messing with this property unless he needed the cash.  She wants to take this stuck pig off his hands.  “Chancellor should have been mine,” she throaty whispers.  “You know it, and I know it.  I ran it, and ran it well.  I LOVE it.  And God knows why Katherine left it to you!”  He’s like, uh, because I’m better than you, duh.  Well, she wants it BACK!  “Ain’t gonna happen.”  Jill says Chancellor WILL be what it should have been…HERS.   So why not do this as friends?

 

Phyllis asks Kelly why she planted that wig right where Jack would find it?  Kelly’s like, so you’re actually saying that Jack found THIS blonde wig, IN his house?  Hmm.  And she thinks KELLY put it there?  Yes!  So she could make it look like Phyllis wore it to the florist!  So Kelly’s pretending Phyllis was pretending to be Kelly pretending to be Phyllis!  HA!  It’s not going to work! 

 

Kelly’s like…right.  It’s not her fault Phyllis finally slipped up enough for Jack to know what she’s like.  HA, Phyllis is the one who knows what Jack really wants!  “Well, according to you, he wants a deranged fiancée waving a wig around a public place,” observes Kelly dryly.  Phyllis scary whispers that Kelly better admit what she did…or they go to WAR, like she can’t even imagine!  Kelly’s like, fine, let’s do this.

 

Hilary pushes Devon away and says he can’t be there!  Devon whines that this is supposed to be their alone time.  Alone…in the hallway outside Lily’s door.  “I need this time with you,” he whines.  He loves you so, so much, he loves putting you in near heart attack situations.  Hilary’s coming unglued…not here with his sister!  Whatever, Devon doesn’t care what anyone thinks, including her.  Okay, okay, she’ll find some way to fix this.

 

Lily’s on the phone with Cane talking about how stressed out Hilary is.  “How can she be stressed out?  She’s at a SPA.”  Well, they just got there.  Cane’s her hero for letting her get away from the club and kids. 

 

Cane sits down again with Neil and Colin to talk about taking on TGVN.  Neil’s seen this show and he reminds them that no matter how Victor’s down for the count, he comes back strong, and they’ll never see it coming.  Gwen interrupts.  She thought she’d say hello to a table of handsome, powerful men.  Always a good policy.  She sits to chat with Neil, and Colin takes Cane aside so they can hammer out a plan to get back Chancellor.  Cane’s like, look, this is a thing he and Jill are doing, and Colin doesn’t factor in.  Three’s a crowd.  He and Jill know Chancellor, and  they’ve both dealt with Victor, so they don’t need him.  Look, Colin respects them, but THIS is when they need access to his wicked, wicked ways!  It takes a scoundrel to catch a scoundrel.  It also takes MONEY.

 

Jill says this is how Victor should part with Chancellor, by giving it to a friend.  It’ll help polish up his image after he was publicly caught trying to destroy his own wife’s son.  Victor is TOUCHED she would do that for him.  How lucky he is.  But let’s get real.  She and Cane don’t have the financial wherewithal to buy a corporation that size.  Unless they want him to take an IOU?  Jill says she’s got a little somethin’ she can shake out of her chandelier that she’s been saving for a rainy day, so how much does he want?  Considering L’Oreal, for example, is worth 98 BILLION dollars, he writes a number on a piece of paper that is probably more than 18 million, and hands it to her with a smirk.  Jill’s eyes widen.  Turns out for someone who KNOWS Chancellor, she has no idea what it’s worth.

 

Kelly and Phyllis sit down over tea.  “Is this what stalkers do with their free time, drink tea?” asks Phyllis.  Kelly’s just trying to be civil!!  Isn’t that just darling, says Phyllis.  Why doesn’t Kelly just admit what she did?  Blah blah.  They debate who is the framer vs the framee.  Phyllis thinks Kelly could have made a copy of the key, which is why they just changed the locks, HA!  I’m sure she’ll never find the new one under the flower pot.  Kelly says she is not the villain here!  “Oh, that’s right.  You’re the pure and innocent little flower, and I’m the rabid, pissed off, former coma patient.  Is that how we’re playing it?”  Pretty much.  Phyllis, you WERE in a coma, so you probably has a medical excuse for all this stuff, reasons Kelly.  “What’s your excuse for being a sneaky bitch?” asks Phyllis.  Kelly just needs to take a minute and calm down.  And Phyllis really needs to THINK about what she is doing!!  Kelly walks away.

 

Kelly returns after the commercials and says she has to get to work now.  She doesn’t have to sit here and humor Phyllis as if she’s some kind of rational person.  Phyllis says she has done nothing to Kelly. It’s Kelly who’s done it all, and she SWEARS she will get her to say the words.  Kelly says Phyllis is in a public place and really wants a catfight.  Why not come over and slap her face and pull her hair or whatever it is women like HER love to do…and then go explain it to Jack!  “Don’t say his name.  Do not talk about him.  And do not think you can mess with me and not pay for it,” hisses Phyllis.  Kelly’s like, yo, you forgot YOUR WIG. 

 

Abby reads about Brash & Sassy organic essences.  Ashley points!!  “NOTE the use of OUR buzzwords!!”  Look, Stitch is a DUDE, and even he knows “organic essences” isn’t very original.  NO!  It’s a MESSAGE from Victor, TO them!  Also, Ashley can hear radio frequencies in her fillings.  Abby says if Dad knows their ingredients..then game over!  She glances at Stitch.  Hey, he doesn’t tell Victoria this stuff!  What, does she want to give him a lie detector test?  “You convinced cops and a judge that you killed your own father.   I’m pretty sure you could pass a test about a perfume,” snarks Abby.  Hey, Stitch can take this crap from Abby, but if ASHLEY doesn’t trust him, then they have a big problem!  If she thinks he gave info to Victoria, then just fire him right now!

 

“I’m not going to fire you,” she says.  “I’m going to fire YOU,” she says to fake nerd Tobias!  What!  He was just in the break room!  Ashley says he’s a MOLE, and she let him stay far too long.  She tells him about the fake files.  He tries to deny it, but she says NOT to insult her intelligence.  Well, I’M insulting it, Ashley.  She knows Tobias got nothing from their lab, so there must be ANOTHER mole out there able to get viable information.  Give her a name and she won’t have him arrested!

 

Cane smugly explains to Colin that this is a LEGITIMATE business deal, so his scurrilous ways don’t apply, which makes Cane pretty naïve.  Colin begs to differ.  If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin.’  Blah Chancellor blah.  Colin says everyone has a price.  Jill walks in and asks if he wants to see Victor’s price, because it will make his eyeballs bleed.  She shows them the paper.  Colin says it’s an opening volley.  Jill says it’s a NIGHTMARE!  They all plop down at the bar.   Cane asks if Victor means it.  Whatever, we don’t have it, says Jill.  

 

Neil thanks Gwen for spilling the beans on Devon.  She was just sharing the joy, Neil!  And things are still great!  Neil wants to have dinner with them while Hilary’s at the spa.  Oh, heck, she’d love to, but Devon had to leave town on last minute business, just like the last time Hilary left town.  Colin eavesdrops with interest.

 

Jack earnestly tells Dr. Cutler that he loves his “complex, frustrating” psycho, Phyllis, and loves her for every bit of it.  But she’s changed.  He needs to know if other patients have changed, like waking up and acting in ways even THEY don’t understand.  He needs to know if you broke Phyllis, doctor.  Speak of the devil, here she is now.  Jack introduces Dr. Cutler.  He’s pleased to see her with her eyes open.   “You’re the doctor with the magic coma juice!”  That’s an interesting way to put it, he laughs, but yes.  Isn’t it?  Phyllis says she really can turn a phrase.  Right.  But why is he here?  Umm, because Jack invited him.  “Gotcha.  Jack is wondering if I woke up loopy.”  She lets Dr. Cutler in on thatwoman Kelly who is making everyone question her sanity.  “I called Dr. Cutler because I love you,” says Jack, “Do you want to figure this out or not?”

 

Ashley tells Tobias he failed his assignment for Victor, and Victor HATES failures.  He’s never gonna hire him again.  So he might as well roll over on the successful mole, and she won’t have him arrested for corporate espionage.  Tobias doesn’t know.  He turned over the fake files and that’s it.  She doesn’t know WHAT Victor was thinking with this loser.  JUST GO!  NOW!  Stitch yanks off Toby’s badge, and escorts him to his car so there are no detours.  “You almost made Tobias cry,” says Abby, “I want to be you.”

 

Ashley thinks there must be some other way Victor is finding out about their organic essences!  Abby accuses Stitch again, because he sure protested when they accused him the first time!  Ashley says to stop the baseless accusations, she just needs time to think!  Yeah, that’s reasonable, Abby complains, grabbing her purse.  HER STOLEN RAPE FRAGRANCE FALLS OUT!  “What the hell is that?” cries Ashley.  It might be a sample of the product.  But she just borrowed it!!  THAT’S NEVER TO LEAVE THE PREMISES!! 

 

Abby knows that, but she was just gonna put a little on Victoria, and shove her towards Billy.  She’s sorry!  Oh, using it ON the competition is no big deal.  Ashley FREAKS out and wants to know if Victor could have POSSIBLY found it.  “If Dad has gotten into your head, then he has already won.  Regardless if he already has the compound,” says Sticky Fingers Abby.  Ashley agrees.  It could just be SO BIG.  It could make the company for years to come.   Ashley has to find out exactly what Victor knows.  “If anyone can take on my father…it’s my mother,” says Abby.

 

Cane says basically, Victor is holding Chancellor for ransom.  I guess he should just give it to them for free.  Business genius Jill says if she could just get her hands on Katherine’s neck ONE more time!  Cane acknowledges they can never get their hands on that kind of capital, and they never will.  DUH.  Colin says never say never!  Jill’s light bulb goes off!  OMG, they should find investors!  Broke ass hotel manager Cane’s like, wait, investors that wouldn’t interfere with our control of the company?  Right, just find someone to give you billions of dollars, but then let YOU control everything because you’re so fucking special.  Colin says they only need one investor.  And he can help.  Jill’s like, right, how could YOU help?

 

Neil says Devon’s not even answering his phone, that must be one hell of a meeting.  That’s what Gwen LOVES about Devon.  He doesn’t brag or publicize, but you know he’s always a [billionaire] mover and a shaker. 

 

Lily’s in her spa robe.  Hilary INSISTS that she take the first massage.  This place is SO deluxe that they only give ONE massage at a time.  It’s very exclusive.  And Lily’s the one juggling a job and two kids, so she simply MUST go first.  She leaves.  Five seconds later, Devon bursts in for that big “talk” they’re going to have.  They start making out.  Cheap ass Devon can’t get his own room for them to “talk” in, so they can get busted in this one.

 

“Sweetheart, this is not about Kelly, just forget her,” says Jack.  Phyllis suggests she visit Sharon’s ECT doctor and get it zapped out!  Look, Victor played God, and submitted her to human experiments without any regard for the side effects!  Hey, Dr. Cutler says his methods are CLEARLY effective, but after care is imperative.  He’d really like to examine her in his facility.  She’s like, goodbye, doctor.  You were bought and paid for by Victor, so thanks for waking her up, but she likes her doctors here.  So, buh bye! Dr. Cutler gets huffy about that expertise of his that overloaded her system because money.  “And no one OWNS me, Ms. Newman.”  They just rent. 

 

Phyllis says Jack should not have called him.  She’s awake and sane, and doesn’t need a doctor.  He’s staying til tomorrow and hopes she’ll reconsider.  Phyllis strengthens her case by warning him to steer clear of that crazy-eyed blonde at the club.   Dr. Cutler will see himself out, so he can get away from these rich nutjobs.  “HOW did you get him to come here?  What did you tell him?” asks Phyllis.  Jack says there’s nothing wrong with some follow up medical care!  “Yeah, there is…if you think I’m crazy.”

 

Kelly rubs her forehead and drinks tea.  Stitch joins her.  They’re both having a crappy day because rich people like to blame them for all their stupid bullshit.  Kelly frowns…ugh, aaugh, Ben, something’s wrong!  She passes out in her chair!  Kelly?!

 

Ashley visits Victor in his office for a glass of champagne.  It’s champagne Tuesday.  She asks if he’s heard from Tobias lately?   She just fired him for corporate espionage, at which he was incredibly inept.  Your spy sucks, Victor.  “Who the hell is Tobias?” asks Victor.  Seriously?  ORGANIC ESSENCES?  Does that ring a bell?  He obviously used her buzzwords to needle her.  Ahh, so she’s using organic essences, is that it?  Ashley says his antics aren’t nearly as entertaining as they used to be.  He knows very well they’re using a rare root extract from South America, but he doesn’t know how she’s using it, and he never will.  So, please, stop annoying her with his moles and press releases, and stop wasting her time.  So, she’s saying it’s NOT tequila?  She laughs and says that’s an admission of guilt.  He is spying.  “I thought you’d enjoy this game as much as I do.  But if you don’t, let’s just end this in a draw, and friendship,” he says.  Haha, sure. Victor always enjoys a good tie. Ashley says she’s so glad they always understand each other.  Cheers.

 

Kelly’s in a hospital bed when she comes to, with worried Stitch by her side.  The docs are running tests.  The doctor kicks him out because he’s not on staff anymore.  So he has to wait in the hall like he's in timeout.

 

Jack and Phyllis argue about what Kelly has to do with this.  “You had major head trauma and experimental medical treatment, Phyllis!”  On top of already being a colossal bitch.   She ran away from the clinic like a lunatic, she never got properly checked out!  What??  Phyllis got poked and prodded til they said she was okay.  Can anyone say the same for Kelly?  SHE'S the one who set THIS WHOLE THING UP.  “And not you?  Even though YOU have pulled some [psychotic] OUTRAGEOUS stunts in the past?”  Right, in the PAST, Jack.  This is TODAY.  She WON, Jack is hers, and she’s more than happy to rub Kelly’s face in it…but to set up this complicated plan?  No.  She does simple stuff like running people down with cars.  “Do you really think I’ve changed that much?” she asks. 

 

Colin says he and Jill are both exposed to the same information.  His ability is knowing what to do with it.  The rest of them are too dumb to notice an affair under their noses.

 

Neil says goodbye to Gwen, and joins the Ashby-Atkinson cabal at the bar.  Cane asks Colin if he has the means to come up with the capital to acquire Chancellor, by all means, tell them how.  Neil asks if they’re going to take over an empire.  Colin says they’re all in the same family, and one of his investments is about to pay off big.

 

Hilary and Devon start undressing and falling on the couch.  OH, NO!  LILY is back outside the door with her key!!!!

 

Ashley gets back to the lab after her champagne meeting.  “Did you and Dad throw down?” asks Abby, “Was it messy?”  Ashley says Victor has no clue about the compound.  She also tricked him and made up some stuff about the rare root extract from Central America, to send him on a wild goose chase.  In the meantime, they’re going to go to market and AMAZE THE WORLD!  He’s going to freak when he sees the quarterlies.  It’s going to make a fortune for Jabot, and it’s going to make her CEO.  Abby dumps her stolen sample down the sink.  Ash says the world gets to know when they decide to tell.  And then, BOOM!  They laugh.  Poor Victor, between this and the warehouse development deal, the man just can’t win!  They laugh some more.  We get to see the bug that Tobias must have left behind, and Victor sitting in his office LISTENING to them!  Cheers!

 

“Yes, I love you,” says Jack.  “And yes, you have pulled stunts in the past that were beyond outrageous.  I am talking about here and now!  Victor didn’t give a damn about you, or me, or Summer when he got involved in your case.  He pulled strings and played games to get Dr. Cutler to do his bidding!  WE NEED to play catchup now!”   Yeah, so, Victor played God!  And Phyllis is AWAKE because Victor pulled strings and played games!  It’s more than JACK did.  Jack’s crushed.  It’s one thing for Victor to throw that at him, but for HER to say it?!  She’s saying that as a rational, lucid person!  Or does he want to call her crazy again??  He looks like he wants to call her something.

 

The doctor comes out to talk to Stitch.  He asks if it’s Kelly's heart?!  She’s been under a lot of stress.  “Well, it wasn’t stress, Stitch.  It was...organic essences!”  Just kidding, it was POISON!!

[peach]

Wed, Jan 21     The Entire Essence Of Chelsea Lawson For Jabot

 

Adam and Sage are at the club, where Adam is reading a news profile on Chelsea.  It’s DISGUSTING.  “When asked about her relationship with Abbott, Chelsea’s eyes danced with adoration and love.”  UGH!  “My God, can you believe this?” bitches Adam.  Sage tells him to calm down.  HOW is he supposed to stay calm when every day that goes by is another day he’s lost with his wife and son?!  They need to speed this up!  Sage says he needs to be careful.  If he starts taking shortcuts, he’s going to make a mistake. 

 

Adam says she just needs to worry about her end and keep pumping Nick for information about the good ole days, so he won’t realize Adam’s not his buddy, Gabe.  My plan would be staying far away from stupid Nick, but Adam thinks Sage should be playing on his interest in her!  “You’ve obviously sparked something, Sage.  He likes you, so…make your eyes dance with adoration, alright?  Both our futures depend on this!”  She squints at him, her eyes dancing with dislike.

 

Nick and the Other Faith are playing that emotional landmine game, the Game of Life.   SHE’S going to have a family with a mommy AND a daddy.  You know there’s all kinds of families, Faith.  Her little buddy, Parker, he has two daddies and they love each other a lot.  You have 17 mommies and they all hate each other’s guts.  “Do you love Mommy?”  Hey, shit happens between people who love each other, and then they can’t be together.  “BUT, that doesn’t mean I don’t want Mommy to be happy, because I do,” like when I tear you out of her life.  That is totally designed to make Mommy super happy.  Hmm, that doesn’t make sense to Faith.  “If I come live with you all the time, how will that make Mommy happy?”  Nick’s like…uhhhh. 

 

Chelsea works on a dress Sharon’s wearing, and she’s about as responsive as a mannequin.  She’s super distracted by Nick trying to make her so happy with the custody case.  Chelsea asks if she’s thought any more about strategy?  You mean playing dirty?  That’s all she’s thought about, but she has nothing on Nick to make him look bad.   “Nothing?” challenges Chelsea, “Or nothing you want to bring up because you don’t wanna piss him off?”  She calls Sharon out for not wanting to run him off if there’s still a chance they’ll get back together.  She admits it.  Chelsea hesitates, but finally says, “Unless you’re willing to fight with everything you’ve got, your love for Nick is going to cost you your daughter.”  PREACH IT.

 

Michael is tedious with Lauren at Crimson Lights.  He promised they would get through this together, so go away now.  Kevin drops in and congratulates him for starting treatment.  “STOP the words flowing out of your mouth,” complains Michael.  There’s something he couldn’t tell Lauren, something he needs from Kevin.

 

Jill asks Colin how on EARTH he could get enough money to buy Chancellor.  He keeps telling her, one of his investments is about to pay off big time.  Cane thinks “big time” isn’t going to come close to this surprising asking price for a corporation.  Oh, Colin can get that much and more.  Neil thinks there’s only one way Colin could come up with that kind of capital.

 

Hilary and Devon are hastily tearing at each other’s clothes while Lily is preparing to open the door and kill the goose laying Colin’s golden eggs!  Her phone beeps that she's getting a text message in her robe pocket, which nervous Devon hears outside the door!  Hilary says Lily isn’t due back for an hour, so they have PLENTY of time.   She pulls him down for more kissing.  Luckily, or unluckily, Lily fumbles around just long enough looking at her phone and getting the door open that Devon has time to hide in the bedroom!  Lily, what are you doing back so soon!

 

Neil jokes that Colin’s conning some poor, unsuspecting heiress out of her inheritance!  There’s much chuckling because Colin loves Jill so much.  There’s nothing like a solid marriage, says Neil.  Cane still wants to know how Colin can get the money.  “Do the details really matter?” says Colin.  Okay, so it’s something shady.   Jill wants a private word with her shady husband.  Business prodigy Cane gets a phone call.  A large group is going to cancel their party if the sound system doesn’t meet their requirements.  OH, NO!  That’s LILY’S department, and she’s out of town!  WHAT’S CANE GOING TO DO NOW?!  Neil says Devon can’t help, either, because he left town last minute.  Cane sighs.  Dammit, Devon!!

 

The spa mixed up Lily’s massage time for later in the afternoon. Hilary thinks she should go try yoga, like RIGHT NOW.  Nah, Lily’s going to take a walk.  Would Hilary like to join her?  Hmm, NO.  She’ll catch up later.  Lily’s like, what happened while I was gone?  Hilary seems very weird and closed off now.  Lily’s super sad because she was really hoping this trip would help them become friends, instead of just having to grin and bear it.  Devon is cringing around the corner.  Lily sadly starts walking back into the bedroom where he’s hiding, which is a huge problem because Einstein here doesn’t have enough sense to at least get in the closet or something.  “LILY! There’s, um, something you need to know!” stalls Hilary.

 

Nick explains that douchebags are complicated, but it will get easier to understand when she gets older and starts doing douchebag things herself.  But Mommy and Daddy are crazy about her, so don’t worry.  He tells her to put the game away upstairs, while he makes hot chocolate.  She scampers off, and there’s a knock at the door.  It’s Sage, with dancing eyes.

 

Chelsea explains to Sharon how reality works.  She has to be uncompromising in this custody case!  “But to bring up things from Nick’s past that could hurt him…”  Chelsea’s like, hello, what do you think they’re going to do to YOU?  They almost have to, because the courts usually side WITH the mother.  “So, they are going to say things that are very ugly, and very nasty, and very SHOCKING, and you’re going to want to crawl into a hole and DIE.”  Is that clear enough?  Sharon can’t even believe that Nick is letting this happen.  They’ve been in love with each other most of their lives.  OKAY, she did do something horrible, but she wasn’t thinking clearly.  Certainly not as clearly as he thinks with his dick.  And somehow he just flipped a switch and turned off all his feelings for her!  She doesn’t even know how that’s possible!

 

Chelsea’s like get a grip, she has to ACCEPT what’s happening!  Sharon tells her about seeing Nick talking to Sage.  Just the idea that there could be another woman, waaah.  Chelsea remembers feeling that way seeing Adam…with Sharon.  Sharon is super sorry.  Chelsea says it’s okay, everything turned out how it was supposed to.  Well, except for the fiery death.  “What’s the point of having a soulmate if you’re not going to end up with him,” opines Sharon.  Chelsea really feels for her.  Having that connection with someone, and then being kept apart by something out of your control…it’s unbearable.  These feelz have put Chelsea off doing any more work today.  Let’s meet again tomorrow.

 

Wait, her soulmate is walking in.  “Well, look who’s here,” says Sharon.  So nice to see him again!  Adam likes it, too.  But actually, today, “She’s the one I want,” he says, smiling at Chelsea.

 

Sharon changes into a pretty amazing wine colored mini skirt outfit with thigh high black boots that sounds terrible, but she looks incredible.  She looks like real life Barbie, and I mean that in a good way.   Gabe really wants to go over some of his marketing ideas with Chelsea.  Sharon smiles that Gabriel’s been taking up a lot of her time lately.  He grins.  Well, when he sees something that’s important to him, he puts his all into it.  He is definitely getting an eyeful of Sharon.  I don’t know if he means to do that or not, lol.  So, can he pick that talented brain of Chelsea’s?  You bet.  And it was nice to see Sharon again.  Very nice.  She leaves.

 

Chelsea says Gabe’s really on top of things.  She wouldn’t expect anything less, as his reputation precedes him.  Really?  Oh, yeah, Jack went on and on about him when he came on board, plus he has an impressive resume.  Chelsea thinks SHE should be learning from him.  Well, maybe they can learn from each other, says charming Gabe.

 

Kevin’s not in favor of keeping secrets from Lauren.  Whatever.  Michael wants to rewrite his will and make Kevin his executor.  WHY is he doing this NOW?   Probably because he has cancer, Kevin.

 

Jill observes that locking Colin in the attic didn’t work.  He needs to spill every detail of whatever scheme he has up his sleeve.  He’s saved by Lauren.  She’s in an edgy mood, so Colin excuses himself so they can girl talk.  He chats up Neil about Cane being so busy.  Devon and Hilary are both gone so he has to actually work.  So Devon’s gone, is he?  Neil says he said it was business related, but who knows what that means, since they’re talking about Devon.  Wink, wink.  “The Boy With Everything,” comments Colin, “ well, almost everything.”

 

Hilary confesses to Lily that she and Neil decided to hold off having a baby.  What changed??  Hilary spills her guts about her terrible childhood and never wanting kids.  But recently, when she met the man she loves, she thought about how incredible it would be to share a child with him.  Lily says that’s great!  Devon almost weeps around the corner.  Hilary says it would be wrong, though.  HOW could it be wrong to have a baby with someone you love, asks Lily.  Hilary breaks down, and Lily makes it worse by comforting and holding her.  It’s gonna be okay, says Lily, while Devon peeks around with corner with teary eyes.  Poor, poor Devon.

 

Hilary says Neil needs to be put first right now.  What if he drinks again?  Her mother DIED because she couldn’t stop, and Hilary wasn’t there for her.  She couldn’t BEAR IT if something SHE did pushed Neil off the wagon, so she’s carrying on with Devon right under your nose.  Lily kindly and firmly tells Hilary that her life and her happiness are EQUALLY important!  Cane calls Lily because he needs the sound engineer’s number to prevent disaster, but no, no, don’t come home.  The wannabe CEO can handle it.  Hilary asks if Lily needs to go.  No, she couldn’t leave HILARY in this condition.  NO, REALLY, Hilary feels better now after talking to her.  She’d feel a lot worse if Lily didn’t go home and work all weekend.  She should leave immediately.

 

Colin tells Neil that Devon has all the money in the world, but does he have his head on straight?  If he’d come into that kind of money at his age, he’d have been a wild one.  Neil says Devon went through his rebellious stage earlier than most, and is totally boring now that he’s a billionaire.  He’s not worried.  Now Devon’s committed to the amazing Gwen and they have a bright future together.  Colin says that’s very reassuring.

 

Gabe wants to capture the entire essence of Chelsea Lawson By Jabot in one snapshot. He just has this feeling about her, you know?  On one side of the image are all the human sheep women wearing the same thing, that they THINK is fashionable.  On the other side, is one woman, standing alone.  She wears HER clothes as a form of self-expression and everyone else should wear them, too.  She’s comfortable in her own skin and isn’t afraid to show the world who she really is.  Wow, it’s like Gabe totally gets her. 

 

Everyone is an individual, continues Gabe.  It’s not about wearing her nametag on her clothes, or joining Club Chelsea, because nothing makes her skin crawl more.  OMG, YES!  HOW DID HE KNOW?!  She loves individualism, now buy all her clothes!  Nothing drives her crazier than seeing an entire city wearing pea coats and skinny jeans.  She misses her fashion passion because she’s so busy meeting deadlines and corporate needs.  Thank you, so much, Gabriel, for reminding her why she loves this so much.

 

Sage and Nick have a chuckle over the Mount Bell yearbook.  Shouldn’t it be Montbelle or something?  It was in Switzerland.  “The one and only” Faith, ha, comes down for her hot chocolate.  Great, Daddy has a new trick in the kitchen.  She HATES that.  She’s going back upstairs.  He shrugs it off.  Faith Schmaith.  She’s just pouting because he broke up with Mommy, and the fact that they just met is way more important.  He’ll share his perfect marshmallows with her instead, and they can laugh at old photos of Gabe together.  They giggle over the yearbook.  Sharon stops by.  “What’s all the fun about?” she asks smiling, until she sees Sage.   <record scratch>  Oh, it’s about THAT.  As usual.

 

Sharon comes in and awkwardly says she brought by Miss Patsy’s pajamas that Faith forgot at home.  “Nice to see you again, Paige, isn’t it?”  Ha.  No, it’s Sage, and don’t worry, I’m playing this guy for a fool.  You’re welcome.  Nick would appreciate it if Sharon CALLED FIRST from now on.  Only Nick can show up making demands on doorsteps, YOU GOT THAT?  Faith can do WITHOUT her doll’s pajamas for one night, okay?  This insensitivity toward Miss Patsy should be brought up in court.  Nick says Sharon coming by just confuses Faith.  She doubts it’s as confusing as Another Woman on his couch.  Can he talk to her OUTSIDE, please?  Faith creeps down the stairs to watch.

 

Nick gets on his high horse and says this is HIS night with [sage] Faith, and he wants her to RESPECT that.  Sharon apologizes, gag, and hands him Miss Patsy’s bag.  “Here.  Enjoy yourself,” she says sharply, and walks away.

 

Lauren has finally told Jill about Michael’s cancer.  The survival rate is almost 100% so they’re really hopeful.  Then why is she so upset?  Because Michael’s so concerned about the side effects, as in, you know.  But it doesn’t MATTER to Lauren, she just wants him to beat this disease!  Omg, Jill freaks out.  THIS IS A HUGE ISSUE.  THIS is going to grow INTO A HUGE ELEPHANT in the room!!!  “Maybe in your room,” says Lauren.  NO, sister, Jill knows that Fenmore women aren’t exactly the celibate type, and goes ON AND ON about this horrible issue that’s going to EAT UP HER MARRIAGE, BIT BY BIT, UNTIL THERE’S NOTHING LEFT!  NOTHING LEFT!!  Good God, Jill, thanks for the support at this time of crisis.  You’re the Worst Sister In The World.

 

Kevin freaks out about Michael changing the will, but he thinks it’s no big deal.   He needs someone he can trust.  “What about me says TRUST to you??  I wore a chipmunk head and robbed banks!  I stared at ceiling tiles in a mental institution.  None of that is trustworthy!”  Who is he supposed to ask instead??  I don’t know, your law partner.  No, it’s gotta be Kevin.  So don’t lose his infuriating obstinancy just when Michael needs it.

 

Poor Devon, Hilary has no idea how much he wanted to hold her when she lost it with Lily.  She can’t believe it was with Lily, of all people.  Does he think she suspects?  Lily?? Um, no, she would lock down the place and interrogate her until she got a full confession.  And then probably throw her out the window.  “There’s no winning, Devon,” she says sadly.  He reminds her of all the times they’ve tried to walk away from each other.  LOL.  She’s just not strong enough to end this affair.  “Devon, we have to face it.  That’s what this is.”  IT IS??  Devon says it’s a LOT more, this is REAL, Hilary.  This is a once in a lifetime love!  That’s what they all say. 

 

Blah love blah.  Blah sex blah.  I can’t decide if I like her purse or not.

 

Lily rushes back in the club to save Cane’s ass.  Aww, she didn’t have to do that.  It’s OKAY.  He’s “corporate” and she’s “hands-on.”  So I guess “corporate” means you don’t do anything but hang out in the bar.  Neil hopes Hilary’s alright by herself!  Hey, Colin has to go make a phone call.

 

Sharon comes sweeping in and gives Neil a kiss on the cheek.  They chat about Neil’s situation.  He’s got the best support system in the world.  But Hilary’s at the spa, and he’s playing the bachelor.  She asks if he’s gonna paint the town red?  Nah, it wouldn’t be half the fun without her, unlike the last time she was gone, and he had so much fun he ended up in jail with Sharon.  But not this weekend.  He can’t even go home, he mopes, because the house is empty.  Sharon mopes, too.  She knows the feeling.

 

Nick and Sage are still yukking it up over school plays and such.  Gabe was Innkeeper #2, but he never showed up.  Everybody liked him, but he was SUCH a screwup!  He was always pulling practical jokes and completely irresponsible.  Freshmen.  That’s why he got expelled, says Sage.  Nick’s just really surprised how much he’s changed.  Gabe was reckless and crazy…and he sees him now, so put together and smart and better than Nick.  He’s really changed.  I guess not everyone stopped their emotional development at 14, like the Nickster here.  Or maybe he just takes Adderall, ever think of that?  But it’s like the guy he knew at boarding school never existed. 

 

Clumsy Sage knocks over a vase and spills water all over her black jeans.  NOT WATER!  ON BLACK JEANS!  She’s so sorry.  She should go.  Faith spies on their nauseating exchange where Nick insists it’s dangerously cold for wet jeans outside, so he really MUST dry her clothes for her so he can save her.  He’s really reaching for a damsel in distress here, but times are tough.  Alright, Nick wins.   “Let’s get you out of those clothes and into a robe,” he says.  FAITH LISTENS.  Girl, you are going down like Avery Bailey Clark.

 

Gabe finishes describing his idea about the room full of clones, and then along comes the original wearing something completely different.  And then here comes her slogan, “Be Yourself In My Mass Produced Merchandise!”  YES!  Chelsea claps with joy!!  See, this is how work should be, she says, exciting and stimulating!  This is how LIFE should be, says Gabe.  Otherwise we’re just marking time. 

 

Chelsea says that’s how she spent most of last year, but fortunately, all that’s changed now.  Hmm.  He knows it was difficult for her after she lost her husband.  From what he’s read, he gave her the kind of security she never had before.  Yep, she lived quite a nomadic existence growing up, living in crummy hotels.  “Well, you’ve come a long way from the girl who used to sit in the lobby of the Hotel Athénée pretending to be a guest.”  Oops, too far.  Chelsea stares at him sharply.  How did he know that??

 

Michael and Kevin blah blah.

 

Jill tells Lauren to face her situation head on.  Her love with Michael has carried them through a lot of tough times, it will carry them through this one.  Thanks, sis.

 

Colin texts Devon and says “YOUR SECRET IS SAFE WITH ME FOR NOW.  TALK $OON.”   Then he joins Neil and Sharon.  She says it’s a shame Neil’s losing half the spa package he paid for, since Lily came home.  Colin has a feeling Hilary is enjoying her downtime.  Down on her back.

 

Looks like she is.

 

Gabriel claims he read about the Hotel Athénée in an interview she gave sometime back, and it left a lasting image of her sitting in a hotel lobby by herself.  This all makes Chelsea super uncomfortable, and she needs to get some design work done.  Well, he’d love to watch.  Okay, creeper, this is her private, creative space, and she uses her office at Jabot for the business end.  Maybe they should just meet there from now on.  Adam’s crushed that he pushed it too far, and now she’s pushing him away.   He sadly gets in the elevator, and Chelsea sadly sits at her desk.  It's all too many feelz!

 

Sage has changed into Nick’s robe, and he takes her to put her pants in the dryer.  Faith grabs the phone and calls Mommy!  “Mommy, you have to come to Daddy’s right away!!”  There's a bimbo in the kitchen!

Edited January 27, 2015 by peach

[movinon]

 

“BUT, that doesn’t mean I don’t want Mommy to be happy, because I do,” like when I tear you out of her life.  That is totally designed to make Mommy super happy.

This F-ing freak becomes more like his disgusting father every day - I can't FF his scenes because I want to see what the other person is doing.  I think they are fast approaching the point where they can't redeem him, no matter what they do.  He is just becoming Prune Face, Jr. with every day that passes.  

Edited January 27, 2015 by movinon

[Petunia13]

Jill says she’s got a little somethin’ she can shake out of her chandelier that she’s been saving for a rainy day, so how much does he want? Considering L’Oreal, for example, is worth 98 BILLION dollars, he writes a number on a piece of paper that is probably more than 18 million, and hands it to her with a smirk. Jill’s eyes widen. Turns out for someone who KNOWS Chancellor, she has no idea what it’s worth.

Hilary INSISTS that she take the first massage. This place is SO deluxe that they only give ONE massage at a time. It’s very exclusive.

Cheap ass Devon can’t get his own room for them to “talk” in, so they can get busted in this one.

Cane calls Lily because he needs the sound engineer’s number to prevent disaster [for the small event/party at the club] but no, no, don’t come home. The wannabe CEO [of a huge multinational company] can handle it.

And then here comes her slogan, “Be Yourself In My Mass Produced Merchandise!” YES!

I love these comments you made! All of these quotes from your recent recaps illustrate just how stupid the plot points have been lately. These writers are. . . Something.

[peach]

Thurs, Jan 22    No Man Is Worth Your Life

 

Phyllis is bummed out that Jack thinks her brain is cracked.  He just wants to make sure they aren’t dealing with lasting side effects.  She says the only lasting side effect was him falling in love with a Krazy Kelly, and now they’re STUCK with her!

 

Kelly wakes up in the hospital thinking she must have fainted.  Nope, the doctors found poison in your system, Kell.  Was she around any chemicals?  Nope, she was around Phyllis!!

 

Faith is on the phone with Sharon, INSISTING she come over to Daddy’s because it’s an EMERGENCY!  “Daddy’s—“  she cuts off in midsentence and hangs up the phone and runs away.  “Faith!  What’s wrong with Daddy?!” cries Sharon to an empty line.  Daddy is a giant douchebag, that’s what.  He’s still joking away with Sage about Gabe’s naked fountain jumping causing Bingo Fever.  Gabe sounds like a hell of a good time.  Faith joins them for some hot chocolate.  “Why are you wearing Daddy’s robe?” she asks with disdain.

 

Summer and Fen chit chat at Crimson Lights about her epic married life with Austin.  The only thing that could make it better is if Mariah could keep her grabby lips off her husband.

 

Austin and Mariah are at work.  Awk-ward.  Austin gets why she kissed him, okay, she was just upset and Acting Out.  Mariah’s admits that sums it up.  But it can’t happen again, okay, it was selfish, and she hurt someone.  She’s like, oh yeah, the Precious Snowflake.  He’s like, no, if she’s not careful she could screw things up with KEVIN.  He walks in of course, and says, “What about me?”  Mariah looks nervous.

 

Kelly weepily tries to explain feudin’ Phyllis to Stitch.  She tried to call a truce over tea, and that’s when Phyllis could have poisoned her.  Stitch is like, but it’s over.  Phyllis and Jack are getting married, what does she have to gain by doing something so extreme?  SHE’S CRAZY, BEN!  Not to mention sadistic.  Stitch wants to call the cops because DUH.  No, no, Kelly thinks she was probably just trying to scare her.  Well, Stitch thinks it’s pretty darn scary.  They should get her locked up!  NO, then the police will ask questions and make her look more like a scorned woman.  A scorned, poisoned woman. 

 

Stitch is upset, but Kelly says she didn’t actually SEE Phyllis do it, so without proof what can the cops do?  “You don’t want JACK to know,” says Stitch.  No!  She doesn’t want Jack thinking she is the problem, when she’s not.  Stitch holds her hand.  “NO MAN is worth your life, Sis.”  PREACH IT!!  “What life?”  weeps Kelly.  “Phyllis is living my life now.”  So I guess I’ll just let her kill me.

 

Phyllis skulks around the club looking for Kelly, because for Kelly’s victim, she sure shows up there a lot.  She runs into Victoria instead, and says she’s not looking for a fight, she actually took the high road with Kelly today over some tea.  Usually when Phyllis is cruising down the high road, she’s trying to run you over.  Vicky says she’s waiting around to have dinner with Stitch.  Good, then does she have time to help Phyllis with something?  Victoria looks like Phyllis invited her to an Amway seminar.

 

Austin escapes so Mariah and Kevin can talk.  She says Austin was glad Kevin covered for her to stop a fight with Summer.  Kevin says a fight is exactly what she was looking for when she left Sharon’s that night.  Hey, it was her party and she’ll fight if she wants to.  He hopes she learned her lesson.  She promises she hasn’t made a pass at anyone else.  He’s glad to hear that.  “Why?  Why do you care about what happens to me?”

 

Summer bitches about Mariah trying to kiss Austin.  She was just trying to use Austin like she USES EVERYBODY says freeloader Summer.  Fen smirks.  Why is she so sure it was one sided?  Duh, because Austin could never be interested in a manipulative, self-absorbed skank like Mariah.  He’s only interested in manipulative, self-absorbed her.  Fen goes on and on about how Austin is probably doing her dirty and trying to cover it up.  Summer says he doesn’t really know Austin.  “Neither do you.”  WHAT?!  Summer frowny pouts!!

 

Sage nicely explains to Faith about the water tragically spilling on her pants.  “You shouldn’t be here,” says Faith.  Nick says that’s no way to talk to a guest!  “But this is supposed to be MY night with you, Daddy!”  Tough shit, Faith.  Well, Sage ruined their plans!!  JUST LIKE AVERY!  “Are you sure this is how you want to play this?” warns Nick.  She glares at him with firestarter eyes.  He sends her to her room!  She looks at both of them like, so that’s how it is, and runs upstairs. 

 

Sage thinks she should go.  NO.  Because then Faith will know she can get whatever she wants when she throws a tantrum.  Only Nick can do that.  Plus, poor, lonely Nick would be left drinking hot chocolate by himself INSTEAD OF WITH HIS PRECIOUS DAUGHTER, and that would be, like, totally depressing.  He can’t possibly be alone.  Sage stays.

 

Jack’s dragged Dr. Cutler back over to discuss how crazy his other patients might be.  Huffy Dr. Cutler couldn’t possibly breach his patients’ confidentiality.  “I find it ironic doctor, that you’re such a stickler for adhering to the rules now, when you broke so many treating Phyllis.”  Hey, he had NO idea her family hadn’t really given consent for him to overdose her on coma juice in time to destroy Sharon.   He had a pretty good idea he was lying to you, though, Jack.  Anyway, Mr. Newman provided the documentation!  And surely Mr. Newman provided a healthy donation to his clinic, says Jack. 

 

Dr. Cutler gets huffier and says his highest concern is his patients.  Hmm, what about when Jack’s team of lawyers get through with him?  “Are you threatening me, Mr. Abbott?”  “I am INFORMING you, Doctor, that I will bring your life’s work to a screeching halt if I don’t get the information I need.”

 

Stitch says Kell might not have a future with Jack, but that does NOT mean her life is over.  She has a career, and friends, and a brother.  She cries and says he has no idea how difficult this has been for her!   I mean, she lost Mrs. Martinez!!  Then tell good ole Stitch.  She keeps TRYING to rise above it, but Phyllis keeps making it impossible!  “How?” he asks.  I don’t know, by POISONING HER??  Kelly weeps that Phyllis cannot accept that Jack fell so in love with Kelly for realz.  Stitch says she’s gotta let it go!  Jack made his choice.  Yeah, the wrong choice, says Kelly.  He agrees.  But she needs to move on, especially if Jack’s fiancée is a dangerous psycho bitch.

 

Victoria wrinkles her nose and says she doesn’t want to get in the middle of Phyllis’ war with Kelly.  It would put her in a really awkward position with Stitch.  Phyllis just wants a little insight into The Other Woman.  After all, Vicky’s been in the same place, with Kelly smack in the middle of her relationship.  Victoria smugly says that it was totally different.  Billy had a one night stand with Kelly, but Jack was in a committed relationship with her.  So, Kelly didn’t want to keep things going with Billy?  Well, kinda, she was running Delia’s foundation, etc., and yeah, it pissed her off.  Well, Phyllis knows the feeling.  It’s impossible to move on when someone refuses to let go, says Phyllis from the bar at Kelly’s club.

 

Sage is back in her clothes.  Nick says Faith is mad at him but that’s nothing new.  Faith just doesn’t understand why Nick hasn’t forgiven Sharon when she apologized.  But an apology won’t fix what Sharon did, even though it pretty much fixed it when Nick did it.  Sage asks if there was Someone Else, and then apologizes for being so nosy to the guy who scoped out her mail.  And Sharon didn’t cheat anyway, this time, she did something Much Worse.  She made him believe his oldest daughter was another man’s child, after he lied about it first.  Sage is SHOCKED.  That is TERRIBLE.   And that’s why it just KILLS Nick that Faith is so mad at him.  He just wants to YELL that he’s NOT the bad guy here!  But he does not want Faith to hate her mother.

 

“Despite everything, Sharon is a GREAT mother, and she loves Faith so much.  I don’t want Faith to have any doubt about that.”  So, I’m suing for custody.  “You’re a good dad,” says gullible Sage.  Gosh, he sure tries, but it’s nights like this when he really thinks he’s failing.  YOU ARE.  EPIC FAILING.  Sage touches his arm.  “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she says gently.  Sharon comes flying through the door!!  “FAITH!!!”  Nick’s like what’s going on??  She grabs him in a bear hug.  “Oh, thank God!”

 

Sharon was SO WORRIED.  Faith called and said there was an emergency with him!  Well, there is NO emergency, Nick says huffily, and she should have CALLED FIRST.  Hello, she TRIED calling and NO ONE ANSWERED THE PHONE.  “CLEARLY, you were busy with other things!” she says angrily.  Well, his ringer was off, and he never heard the call, he says, like that’s also Sharon’s fault.  “Is it too much to ask that I can get a hold of you when my daughter is staying here??” 

 

Nick says not to twist this around like HE is irresponsible.  She knows damn well Faith is safe with him, like when she ran away to the warehouse district the other day, and she better stop bursting in to his home!  “Faith called, FRANTIC!  You weren’t answering your phone!  What was I supposed to do, ignore my daughter and hope for the best?!”  I mean, maybe he got drunk and fell in a bear trap, for God’s sake.  They’ll talk about it later, now get out and go home.  Faith comes down.  “I want to go home, too, Mommy.”  Nick glares at Sharon.

 

Kevin says Mariah is trying to push her away, like she does with Shick.  Every time someone’s the least bit nice to her, she puts up walls.  “You should work on that, it’s very off-putting.” So is having him up in her bizness.  He’s just trying to keep her from self-destructing!  Look, she’s managed to survive all these years by herself, without ever having met him.  “You and I are a lot alike, Mariah.  Bad childhoods, lack of impulse control, terrible decision making.”  “So, if you’re as much of a loser as I am, why would I listen to you?”  Hmm.  Well, maybe if he keeps HER in check, it will keep him from imploding, too.  Sounds healthy.  

 

He can’t afford to go down that path again when his brother actually needs him.  And he’s collecting money for a cancer run for his very rich brother, so could Mariah donate her tips?  SHE DOES.  He knew there was a decent person in there somewhere.  “That’s why I like you,” he smiles, and leaves.  Austin comes back.  “Like I said, don’t ruin a good thing.”  Please, Mariah and Kevin are not like that.  Doesn’t mean they couldn’t be someday, says Austin.  Mariah ponders.

 

Fen points out that Summer barely knew Austin when she married him.  She knew enough.  Have you seen his abs?  But he held her aunt at GUNPOINT!  Summer rants that Avery’s forgiven Austin, and so has everyone else, so why can’t FEN?!  He just thinks Austin should have to pay for his crimes.  OH EM GEE!!  He got PROBATION!!  Isn’t that punishment?  Umm, NO!  “The guy committed an armed felony!  I did, and I SPENT A MONTH IN PRISON.”  A month.  Hahahaha.  <wipes eyes>  This show. 

 

Hey, it’s not Austin’s fault that Fen’s dad is a shit lawyer!    Well…well…can the guy even SKI?! 
Summer explodes!  That is IT, Fen!  (So, no, he can’t ski.)  He’s been nothing but judgmental, and never says what’s REALLY on his mind.  So just say it!!  Okay, fine.  Drug addict armed felon Fen thinks the best thing that could happen would be for Austin to cheat.  Maybe then she could finally see him for the loser he is!  Summer super pouts.  She can’t even look at him!  Hey, you asked, Summer.  “I did not think you’d say something so spiteful to me.  You know, I’ve always had your back, Fen.  I guess it’s just too much to ask for you to have mine!”  But that’s what he’s doing!  He just doesn’t want her to get hurt.  Too late.  She storms out.

 

Victoria tells Phyllis she wasted a lot of time being angry.  So how did she snap out of it?  With some tequila and doctor sex.  I mean, um, focusing on her kids.  Yeah, but Phyllis’ kids are grown up.  Then try concentrating on her JOB, or planning her wedding.  Anything but Kelly.  She wishes she could, if Kelly would just STOP the mind games she plays on Phyllis when she barges in her club every day.   Stupid Victoria says, wait, Kelly’s not over Jack??  Not by a long shot, says Phyllis.  Well, Vicky can understand why Kelly would want to hang onto the one stable relationship she’s had in her life.   Except for that 8+ year marriage she had.  She’s had a lot of upheaval in her life.  THE RED MENACE says we’ve all had it tough, but KELLY is the only one going around torturing people because of it.  Lightning strikes her dead.  Just kidding.

 

Dr. Huffy refuses to give up patients’ identities.  Jack doesn’t give a shit what their address is, HOW ARE THEY DOING?   Do they like wigs??  Sure, some do, but that’s to be expected in people who already had brain injuries.  It was the brain injury, yo, not the coma juice.  Some have to relearn basic tasks, so thank God Phyllis isn’t, like, drooling or anything.  And some have, um, mood swings, and then, well, some are just fucking sociopaths now.  “They no longer know right from wrong?” asks Jack.  Oh, they know the difference.  They just don’t care.  Every action can be justified.  “Then Phyllis is capable of almost anything,” worries Jack.  Unlike before.

 

Dumb Kelly tells Stitch she’s not concerned about her own poisoned ass, she’s just worried about Jack.  Well, Jack’s currently unpoisoned.  But who knows WHAT Phyllis would do?  She can’t let him MARRY her!  Stitch tries to get through to her that Phyllis put POISON in her TEA.  Hey, if someone was going to hurt Victoria, wouldn’t he do whatever he could to protect her?  It’s not the same!  “Why, because you have a chance with Victoria?”  No, because he can kill people with his bare hands, and no one is trying to poison him!  Billy’s going to be kicking himself for not thinking of this. 

 

Stitch says she NEEDS to let the police handle this!  NO WAY.  She’s not going to give that woman any more ammunition to use against her.  Stitch is like, too bad.  The hospital is obligated to report poisonings, so there will be an investigation.  He needs to call Vicky and cancel their date.  No!  Don’t protect her!  She’ll rest much better knowing he’s having fun with the person he loves.  He leaves, and she gives us an ambiguous side eye.  Are they both framing each other at this point??  Because that would actually be kind of funny.

 

Nick haughtily explains that Faith was very rude to one of his bitches, so he sent her upstairs.  See, Faith, it starts with getting sent to your room, and ends with being sent to court.  This is life with Nick.  So that must be when she called and said it was a douche emergency.   Faith goes with the tried and true “my stomach hurts.”  And Mommy is the only one who can make it better.  Nyah.  Okay, sweetie, Mommy will take you home.  Faith runs next door, lol.  “I NEED you to STOP UNDERMINING me in front of our daughter,” snaps Nick.  She doesn’t FEEL GOOD, Nick.  You make her SICK.  “Okay, Ima let this go, this time.”  Whatever, Victor.  Now he can get back to his evening.  “Hope you enjoy it,” she snarks, leaving.  “I WILL.  And KNOCK next time.”  Yeah, knock him on his ass.

 

Kevin walks in Crimson Lights and tells Fen he’s already raised $1500 in poor people tips for the cancer run with Michael.  Fen doesn’t give a crap.  Kevin assures him he doesn’t have to worry about his Dad’s cancer.  Worry about that?  No, it’s something important, he had a fight with Summer.  He thinks she made a mistake marrying Austin.  Kevin’s like, you didn’t SAY that to her, did you?  Ummm, yes.  “Dude!  Are they teaching you nothing in college?  You cannot say that to a person.”  Well, this is how you learn that, Kevin.  Fen thinks Summer should just let Mariah have him.  Talk about two people who deserve each other.  Kevin’s eyes harden.

 

Mariah tells Austin that Kevin’s still hung up on his ex!   He’s not looking to get involved.  Austin says things just happen.  Look at how he and Summer ended up.  Yeah, running from the cops has a way of bringing people together, notes Mariah.  Austin grimaces.  He hates that the beginning of their relationship is tied to something awful, but at least he got a free luxury apartment.  “Well, I know about doing awful things.  People don’t usually forgive me, though, so you’re lucky.”  He is.  Summer’s amazing.  Austin walks off, and Mariah has remorse feelz. 

 

Just then, Summer walks in. “Hoping to get another kiss?” she snarks.  About that…Mariah humbles herself and prepares to actually sincerely apologize…but Summer cuts her off and rants about how she just threw herself at Austin like she did with Tyler.  “Summer, please…”  “You know it’s kinda pathetic,” sneers Summer, “the way that you go after men who are not available.  Did you actually think you ever had a chance with either of them?” she snickers.  “Please.  You are an awful human who will never know what true love is like, because no one can even stand to be around you.”  Mariah stares back, wounded, with tears in her eyes.  She finally walks away.  Austin listens in the background, looking at Summer with disgust. 

 

Phyllis comes moping back home.  She had a drink with Victoria.  “At the club??” asks Jack.  Yeah, he can check her story if he wants to.  Jack wants all this arguing to stop.  She doesn’t know if that’s possible until Kelly is out of their life, for good.

 

Kelly’s doctor* is waiting for test results to find out what the poison is.  He has to file a report to the police.  Kelly claims it was an accident, but he totally knows she’s lying.  It was just so silly, she handled some chemicals at work and didn’t wash her hands well enough.  He’s like, right.  So when can she be released?  (*they should cast this doctor guy to replace Devon)

 

Stitch meets Victoria for dinner and tells her about poor Kelly being poisoned.  Victoria trusts Phyllis for some reason and is quite skeptical.  “How do we know which one of them is telling the truth?” asks Victoria.  Hmm, the lyingest liar or his sister?  “CLEARLY, my sister!  SHE’S the one in the hospital after drinking poisoned tea,” idiot.  Well, they can’t JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS that Phyllis did it!  These Newmans, I swear.  Victoria points out that Phyllis wasn’t the only one with access to Kelly’s tea.  But she is pretty much the only one who hates Kelly. “What are you saying?” demands Stitch.  “That my sister poisoned HERSELF?”

 

Sharon tucks Faith in, and she admits her tummy didn’t really hurt.  She just didn’t want to stay with Daddy.  Sharon tells her she really shouldn’t make up stories.  And she should never, EVER call and pretend there’s an emergency!  Faith didn’t want to share her time with Daddy.  Hmm, so what were Daddy and That Woman talking about?  “I heard Daddy tell the woman to take off her clothes.”  Sharon holds back the vomit.

 

Nick apologizes to Sage for the ugly domestic scene.  Poor Nick and Sage.  She feels partly responsible, because Faith must feel displaced by her.  Whatever.  Faith needs to learn that she can’t cry wolf and call her mommy every time she sees Nick with another woman.  Because that would be a lot of wolf crying.  Sage says it was open for misinterpretation, considering she was wearing his robe.  She’ll avoid all liquids from now on.  “Does that mean you intend to see me again?” asks Nick.

 

Kevin tells Fen that Mariah was upset, so, she did something outrageous.  “That’s what she does.  That’s what I do.  She’s not a bad person, she’s just---“  What, misunderstood, smirks alley killer Fen.  He’s more punchable than Nick.  “You sound like Summer.  She’s real quick to make excuses, too, blinded by love,” he mocks.  Kevin doesn’t hear him anymore, because he sees Mariah coming into the terrace, shaken and weepy.  He blazes straight over to her, and she falls in his arms.  They hold each other tight.  Smug Fen is like, wtf?

 

Austin scolds Summer for being that rude to Mariah.  “SHE KISSED YOU!  Do you honestly expect me to be NICE to her?!”  “Yeah, but did you have to be so CRUEL?”  Yep, she’s a Cruel Summer.  “I told you, the kiss meant NOTHING.”  She asks if he’s SURE about that?  Uh, where’s THAT coming from?  Well, she was talking to Fen, and--  “OHH! I get it!  So your rich friend is trying to make it out like I’m not good enough for you.  Which is probably true, because I don’t have a huge bank account or a fancy car, but you know what I don’t do??  I don’t kick people when they’re down, which is more than I can say for you!!” Also, you don’t ski.  But bravo, Austin.  He storms off!  Summer angry pouts!!

 

Stitch is like, are you kidding me?  If Kelly was going to kill herself, it would have been after Sam died.  Losing him was far worse than losing JACK could ever be!  Vicky’s like, well maybe losing Sam AND Jack?  Stitch says this HAS to be Phyllis.  Okay, Vicky’s known Phyllis for a long time, and she has been known to be vindictive (and try to kill people), but her life is good and secure now.  So there must be something else going on.  Sure.

 

Jack thinks Kelly will eventually come to terms with it being over.  UNTIL THEN, he thinks it’s best for her to keep her distance so there are no more misunderstandings!  Boom, problem solved.   No, she can’t because Kelly wants to drive Phyllis out of his life!  Jack insists that will never happen.  He made that abundantly clear to Kelly.  “I did, too,” says Phyllis.  Jack’s like, oh, shit…HOW?  Kelly comes staggering in the door all pale and haggard like a vampire victim.  “She poisoned me!”

[movinon]

“What life?” weeps Kelly. “Phyllis is living my life now.” So I guess I’ll just let her kill me

.

Duh, because Austin could never be interested in a manipulative, self-absorbed skank like Mariah. He’s only interested in manipulative, self-absorbed her.

She knows damn well Faith is safe with him, like when she ran away to the warehouse district the other day, and she better stop bursting in to his home!

Faith needs to learn that she can’t cry wolf and call her mommy every time she sees Nick with another woman. Because that would be a lot of wolf crying.

God, Peach - this post is gold. I hate to be greedy but these four crack me up. There are plenty more to choose from - I read this re-cap about 6 times. Please don't ever stop doing these re-caps or my life will be shit! I'm not an idiot - I know this post isn't right, but I'm trying to learn how to do this. I can't fix it.

[peach]

Fri, Jan 23   Let's Take A Poll

 

Pale, poisoned Kelly stands in Jack’s living room.  “Nice try, honey!  P.S. You’re INSANE!” says Phyllis.  Kelly says not to deny doing it, she knows it’s true.   Jack says first of all, she has no right to come walking into THEIR home without being invited.  He doesn’t believe her!  She needs to leave NOW.  Kelly insists she was just released from the hospital, and that she’s lucky to be alive after what Phyllis did.  “You are such a liar!” cries Phyllis.  Kelly hands Jack her release papers.  “I’m telling you the truth, Jack.”  Uh-oh.  Now Jack has DOUBTS.

 

Cane shows up at Joe’s hotel suite.  Cane’s found him a different parcel of land to develop.  Ah, so then Victor Newman can’t make the money to shore up his company, thereby forcing him to sell Chancellor, where he and Jill are anxiously awaiting.  Well, yeah, but also this benefits Joe, because the community does not want Crimson Lights and the other mom and pop stores to vanish.  Joe says he’s not restructuring the deal in the eleventh hour.  Plus THIS deal gets him what HE wants.

 

Avery looks smashing in a red blazer and black top.  She’s scolding Dylan for ignoring the threatening phone call.  And if he’s thinking of doing something on his own, that’s even worse.  Dylan sees no reason to get the police involved in this!  Ending up in the hospital again is the reason, Dylan!  Her heart almost stopped when she found him unconscious!  This isn’t a brick through the window anymore, people are threatening his LIFE!  That’s okay, he’s got backup now.  Dylan pulls out a box with a GUN IN IT!  Oh noes!  Like it’s unusual for a veteran to own a gun.  But in Hollywood Blue Steel tradition, putting an evil gun in your hand turns you bloodthirsty crayzee.  ONLY DISASTER CAN OCCUR NOW.

 

Jill brainstorms with Colin on how she can raise billions of dollars in cash to buy Chancellor.  She’s still got some insurance fraud money left, Katherine left her two Bentleys, she can get an appraiser for the antiques, and she can always start a lemonade stand.  She seems to have amnesia concerning Jabot, Billy, and Victor’s arch nemesis, Jack.  But maybe there’s some change in the couch cushions. 

 

Look, Colin’s already told her HE can come up with the money!  She just assumed he was bluffing.  He seems a bit offended.  He’s good for every penny of it, okay!  Then it’s something DODGY.  Colin laughs.  This has nothing to do with Kurtz and company, this involves a legitimate businessman with no ties to organized crime.  Sit back and let him give her her heart’s desire.

 

It’s déjà vu all over again as Neil tells Lily he’s off to the spa to surprise Hilary.  Women love being surprised during their spa weekends.

 

Devon and Hilary have sexy pillow talk.  He’s not needed back at home, since he doesn’t do anything, so he can stay with her for the whole getaway!  She tries to order room service, but Devon wants to go on a real date since they’re far enough away from home that no one will possibly see them.  Famous last words.  Hilary can get ready in five minutes, you guys.  He finds a text from Colin:  HIDE & GO SEEK.  MY FAVORITE GAME.  LET’S PLAY, BY ALL MEANS.  Devon pouts.  Why does Colin always have to ruin everything?

 

Avery stares at THE GUN.  This just proves her point that things are escalating too quickly.  Dylan’s like, hey, I know how to shoot a gun.  HE WAS IN AFGHANISTAN.  So, if those thugs come back, he’ll be able to protect himself!  Avery doesn’t like this, she doesn’t like this AT ALL!  Joe walks in and pisses them both off.  Avery folds her arms and says Dylan doesn’t have to serve Joe!  He just had to serve Ian Ward all day long for some reason.  Joe says maybe they can call a truce.  “Not gonna happen!” says Dylan, and his phone rings.  Someone says, “Give it up already.  Keep pushing and your business won’t be the only thing that gets demolished.”  Click.

 

Neil tells Cane that Lily’s going to give him a ride to see Hilary.  Uh, is she expecting you?  “Well, it wouldn’t be a romantic surprise if she were!” says Lily.   Cane doesn’t think that’s such a great idea.

 

Hilary and Devon BOTH got ready in five minutes, and she wants to know where the heck HE is going?  He says there’s a business emergency he has to take care of.  She doesn’t believe him! Don’t they have ENOUGH secrets right now, just tell her what is going on!  He shows her Colin’s text.  Cheater Hilary says, that snake!  Blackmailers always come back for more.  Instead of texting him back, Devon has to leave and go find out what he wants.  Hilary’s like, he wants money, idiot.

 

She’s frustrated.  They can’t keep DOING this!  Cane almost found out, Colin’s trying to squeeze them, and Lily’s just EVERYWHERE!  Is she saying she wants to end this??  God, no!  Devon is too incredible.  But they also can’t break Neil’s heart and start him drinking again.  Then Devon has to go take care of Colin.  “No, we BOTH do,” says Hilary firmly.  Call him.  Wow, she’s tough.

 

Colin gets a phone call from “his money man.”  So nice of Devon to stop conducting his business long enough to call. He assumes Neil’s lovely bride is with him?  How are they enjoying the spa?  Dumbasses Hilary and Devon want to know HOW HE KNEW THAT!  Because he’s the only one with more than two firing brain cells.  Now get back to Genoa City with his money.  They angrily tell him that’s not happening again!  “And I’m telling YOU that I’m staring across the club at Neil.  And you know, I think this news might just crush him.”  Devon yells that they had a deal!  Yeah, well, that one expired.  It’s time for a new one.

 

Kelly tells Jack she gave permission for him to discuss her case.  “She’s a case, alright,” says Phyllis.  Kelly says she made a mistake of sitting down with Phyllis to talk over tea.  Then she made another mistake and left the table for a minute, and then Phyllis must have poisoned her cup.  “Ooooookay, you’re crazy,” says Phyllis.  IS SHE?  Because a few minutes after Phyllis left, Kelly collapsed in front of witnesses, and thank God her brother was there to save her!  Did her ex-doctor brother also help her fake those test results, because he’s familiar with that type of deception, says Phyllis.  “She tried to KILL ME, Jack!” cries Kelly.  “YOU ARE A LOONY BITCH!” shouts Phyllis.

 

Jack wants everyone to calm down.  Does he expect Phyllis to stand there and keep her mouth shut??  “Since we all know THAT is not going to happen, then here, drink this!”  She claims the cup she pulled out of her bag has the leftover tea in it.  If she thinks Kelly is making this up, then take a sip, honey!  “NO!” says Jack.  “Thank God, Jack, you believe me!” gushes Kelly.

 

Jack says he is not taking sides or accusing anyone.  Phyllis says it’s clear what’s happening.  “You poisoned YOURSELF to set me up.  Jack didn’t want her to drink it because Kelly tainted it with her own two hands!”  Nope, what was in the cup was just plain tea.  She challenged her to drink it to prove a point!  “That you belong in a straitjacket,” says Phyllis.  Jack says these tactics are not winning any points with him.  TACTICS?  Jack, she is taking the high road!! Everyone at the hospital is urging her to press charges, but she came here to make a personal appeal to stop the madness!  For Jack’s sake!  If Kelly wanted REVENGE, they would be leading Phyllis out in handcuffs right now!  Hmmm.

 

Cane reminds Neil that he has a big day tomorrow.  Neil stammers something about his big business meeting about the economy, so he really should stay in town.  Lily’s going to go check on some rooms, then, in her little dolly dress.  Neil whispers to Cane that his big eye exam is tomorrow!  But he’s been thinking about telling Hilary about the flashes of light, etc.  Cane says Neil should really wait til he has the exam first.  Yeah, okay.

 

Colin asks Devon how Lily’s going to feel when she finds out her brother’s been sleeping with Daddy’s wife.  “How dare you care about other people’s feelings when all you care about is money?” cries Hilary.  Whatever.  Be in Chancellor Park in an hour with enough money to buy Chancellor.  Why doesn’t he just tell Devon to buy it himself and put Jill and Cane in charge?  Wouldn’t that have less tax implications? 

 

Jill is insisting to Cane now that she can liquidate everything she’s got.  Cane points out they don’t even know if Victor will SELL Chancellor.  Lily says he could just be toying with her.  Cane thinks their best option is to stop the land sale, because then Victor will lower the asking price.  Jill doesn’t know if there’s a way to thwart it that hasn’t been tried yet. 

 

Dylan yells at the phone that their threats don’t scare him!  Obvious Joe is sorry to hear about Dylan being threatened, but at least he knows it’s not Joe, being as how he’s standing right in front of them.  Avery’s like, please, like you couldn’t hire someone.  Where is Joe going to find goons for hire?!  Craigslist?  Chicago?  Dylan thinks Victor knows plenty.  This has his name all over it.  Well, Joe certainly hopes Victor isn’t resorting to this type of behavior.  It’s not the way Joe does business.  He leaves.

 

Avery hisses at Dylan that she can’t believe he doesn’t see through this. Joe is totally behind this.  He’s playing them!  No, Avery, you fell for Dylan’s cunning plan.  “I just played him!”

 

Kelly sincerely hopes Jack doesn’t ignore this.  She’s worried about him!  Don’t be, says Jack.  This can’t be the woman Jack fell in love with…an attempted murderess??  Uh, it’s not the first time.  Phyllis claps her hands and says the show’s over.  Kelly nailed her audition for the role of Wacky Woman Makes Baseless Accusations.  There’s nothing baseless about that poisoned tea, and only two of them were sitting at the table.  Phyllis says there’s a third possibility, that someone else wanted to rid the world of her.  She’s sure she’s not the only one who wants Kelly gone.  “So you admit it.  You want me dead.”  Jack already told her to leave once.  The second time he won’t be so polite.  But he’ll probably still be a little bit polite.  Mopey Kelly tells him to be careful, and walks out.  “That was fun.  Can I get you a drink?  Perhaps some tea?” asks Phyllis sarcastically.  Jack stares at her.  Too soon?

 

Lily needs Cane’s input in a guest room.  Colin joins Jill, who assumes his money man said no.  Blah flirt blah.  This time around, he’s gonna come through.  She can take it to the bank.

 

Lily takes Cane in a suite where he quickly surmises there is no emergency.  She says he needed a break, so she took matters in her own hands.  He gives her a distracted, unsatisfactory kiss, meaning he didn’t quite get to her tonsils like he usually does, and Lily asks what’s wrong.  He’s just bummed out because he likes being in control, and this whole Chancellor thing makes him feel powerless.  “Then take charge with me,” says Lily, “right now.  Tell me what to do.”  So he does.

 

Joe waits impatiently in the park for a shady guy to show up.  “You couldn’t have timed that phone call any better,” praises Joe.  “McAvoy fall for it?” Yeah, big time, says Joe.  They chuckle.  Joe pays him off.  “You know what’s next,” he says, walking away.  So Joe is no good.  Waah.

 

Sherlock McAvoy explains that it’s obvious Joe is behind EVERYTHING!  Avery asks what gave him away.  The timing of that phone call.  There can be no other explanation.  Avery thinks he’s planning something else, so what is Dylan going to do now?  “I’m gonna handle this once and for all, and your ex is never going to see me coming!”  Avery says to let Paul help him, please.  Paul?  He has to go through proper legal channels!  Which is news to me.  “And you DON’T?” asks Avery.  Look, this dirtbag is after both of them, and this has gone way beyond business.  It doesn’t get any more personal, and he’s going to put an END to this TONIGHT.  She says it’s too [stupid] dangerous!  “AVERY, I LOVE YOU!  BUT THIS HAS TO BE DONE.  And I don’t want you to be any part of it!”  Which you are, because I just told you about it.  She races out, and Dylan gets his evil, crazy making gun, and stares and mouth breathes like a maniac.

 

Cane and Lily have pillow talk.  She says next time she gets to be the boss.  Her sex was so good, that Cane came up with a better plan for Chancellor.

 

Pouty Devon meets Colin in the park.  Does he have the money?  “Colin, I thought you were a man that protected your family.  And I’m your family.  I’m the godfather to your grandkids.  They call my dad Grandpa.  So why you wanna do what you're doing, and hurt Neil like this?”  Colin laughs at him.  “Look who’s talking.”   No shit.  Devon’s serious.  If Colin thinks they won’t blame the messenger, then drop this bomb and see what happens.  He’ll never be allowed to set foot in Neil’s or Cane and Lily’s house again.  He won’t spend holidays with his grandkids again because of his greed.   I guess Devon will be sitting right there at the head of the table, though.   That’s not going to deter him, Devon. 

 

“FINE.  You’ve pulled some unforgivable crap in your day, and yet you’ve been welcomed back into the fold.”  Colin gets to have his grandkids, and son, and his wife that makes him happy.  Devon whines that that’s all he wants, too.  He wants the person that makes HIM the happiest!  Poor Devon and Hilary have ENOUGH obstacles without Colin pulling this, so he’s asking if he can find it within himself to drop this, and let them cheat in peace. 

 

Neil works on his Braille.  Hilary comes in and rolls her eyes disgustedly.  Honey, she’s home.  Why’s she back so soon?  She sits with him dutifully.  She’s not going to believe this, but he was going to surprise her earlier.  “Huh, surprise me…again,” she says.  She tells him he really needs to stop with the surprising stuff.  She already knows he loves her.  Why doesn’t he just show her, he says, pulling her into a kiss.  Let’s move this to the bedroom.  Hilary frowns.

 

Jack can’t believe Phyllis would  make a JOKE about TEA at a time like this!  He is not amused!  Phyllis says as much as she detests That Woman, does he actually think she’s capable of murder??  He says whatever happened, he doesn’t think it was intentional.  He doesn’t think it’s her fault.  “Do you actually think I…accidentally…poisoned her?”  Well, he spoke to Dr. Cutler today.  Phyllis turns away.  The doctor admitted that other patients have experienced…negative consequences.  Distinct personality changes, questionable decision making, wedding crashing. 

 

Does he SERIOUSLY think she went to the club in some drug-induced altered state and poisoned someone?!  What the hell?!  Phyllis rants about how Kelly is a desperate, deranged woman, and now Jack doesn’t trust HER.  NOW, she’s some FREAKY, PSYCHO KILLER!  And he’s taking the word of some lunatic that wants to break them up over HERS!!  Then Phyllis SHRIEKS like a lunatic.  AAAAHHH!!!  And smashes a glass vase full of flowers to BITS!  Omg, her hand is bleeding.

 

Lily sees pale Kelly at the bar.  What happened to her??  PHYLLIS happened.  She put poison in her tea and tried to kill her.  But she’ll survive.  Lily says she has gone WAY too far this time!  She hopes she’s arrested and held accountable for once in her life!  But Kelly’s not going to the police.  She thinks it will be better, cleaner…if Jack handles this privately.  Lily’s like, wait…are you thinking you’re going to get him back after this?  Well….yes.

 

Hilary pulls away because she’s so exhausted from her spa vacation.  He knows how she is in a strange bed, she didn’t sleep at ALL last night.   Baby, he just wants to be with her and hold her.  It means so much to him that she came back because she missed him so much.

 

Colin says he’s on Devon and Hilary’s side…he’s kept their secret, hasn’t he?  Others might think he should tell Neil, no matter how painful it might be.  DEVON thinks Colin is a piece of work to think blackmail is the right thing to do.  Hmm.  “Let’s take a poll,” says Colin.  “We’ve got that, and then we’ve got you.  Cavorting around in luxury hotels with blind daddy’s wife.”  Poor Devon whines about how much he HATES the position he put himself in.  He would GLADLY give away all his money if thought Neil would be protected!  Colin smiles.  He likes the sound of that! 

 

“You’re ridiculous!” says Devon.  “And you’re a hypocrite.  It’s not like I’m asking for ALL of it.  Just a small portion in order to protect this secret…from the father you purport to love.”  Devon DOES love his father.  “Well, you got a funny way of showing it, kid.”  Colin says Devon's buying a license to be with Hilary.  He gives Colin the money, and then he looks in the mirror and says, I’m not such a bad guy compared to what that sonofabitch Colin has done.  And then all the guilt just falls away.  How does that sound?  It sounds like blackmail, says Devon.  “Whatever, I still want the money.”

 

Joe has a knock on the door.  He looks through the peephole and smirks with satisfaction.  Avery comes bursting in.  “This has gone far enough!” she blurts out.  He told her he had nothing to do with it.  “You’re lying.  We’re gonna settle this right now!  Or someone’s gonna get killed!” she says desperately.

 

Jack tenderly bandages psycho Phyllis’ hand.  She weeps and says it’s true that she has issues, with self-control at the top of the list.  “But this, Jack, really?  Do you think this time might be different?”  Jack would give anything in the world to be wrong about this.  “The drugs they gave me in the coma…is that why I’m so angry?” she whispers.  Look at how she broke the vase just now.  It’s like it wasn’t even her!  “Am I losing my grip?  I don’t know.  Could I have snapped and poisoned Kelly and not remember?  Is that actually possible?”  Jack kisses her hand.  “Whatever we find out, I’m going to be at your side. Now and always, and I promise you that.  But, honey, you need help,” he says softly.  Which makes him a 100 times better man than NICK.

 

Lily says even if Jack sees how disturbed Phyllis is, that doesn’t mean he’s getting back with Kelly.  Kelly thinks the only thing that matters is getting him AWAY from her.  Phyllis is mentally unbalanced!  As for what happens after that…well, we’ll see.

 

Neil reads his Braille while Hilary sits in the corner of the couch, and clutches a pillow and cries.  Blind Neil’s super senses can hear her sniffling.  Is it her book?  No..she just…she’s going to get some tea.  Neil holds the pillow and feels it soaked with her liar’s tears.

 

Devon gets back to the club and runs into Cane.  He really hopes his departure had nothing to do with Hilary because Neil almost paid him a visit today.  So what?  So, he doesn’t remember the last time he went to New York and Neil almost caught him?  So that’s not gonna happen anymore because he’s no longer having an affair with his wife, RIGHT?  He’s with Gwen now, RIGHT?  Lily interrupts.  So are you in, Devon? Are you going to give them the money to buy Chancellor?  Ummm, Cane hadn’t pitched him the idea yet.  Oops.  Well, now that he knows, he’s gonna do it, right?  Devon frowns.  No.  He can’t, all his money’s tied up.  Lily asks how is that even possible?  It just is.  Devon walks away, and Lily and Cane are like wtf?  Why won’t he just buy a company for us?  JERK!

 

Colin invites Jill to a table with a silver server on it.  He lifts the lid, and there is a giant pile of actual cash.  “Behold, Chancellor Industries on a silver platter.”  I’m sure the IRS wouldn’t have any questions about this at all.  But Jill is pretty happy.

 

Avery tells Joe this ends NOW!  Look, why doesn’t she listen to her fiancé.  He believes Joe’s innocent.  The hell he does!  Look, if she’s worried about Dylan getting hurt--  “I’m worried about YOU, Joe!  Dylan is ready to KILL you!”  Well, he considers himself warned.  Does she want some wine, he just opened a bottle.  “Okay, what’s it gonna take?  There’s gotta be a way to work this out so no one gets hurt.  What do you want?”  He moves in close.  “You know exactly what I want.”  Avery stares.  “Me.  Even though I despise you!”  Joe says that won’t last for long.  “I don’t understand you.  At ALL.  You can’t HAVE ME, Joe!  My heart is completely and utterly with Dylan!”  Joe says that doesn’t mean she can’t spend one night with HIM.  Avery’s brows go up in shock.  KABAM!!!  SUPER DYLAN KICKS IN THE DOOR!  He stands there glowering like Frankenstein.

[kia112]

“Then take charge with me,” says Lily, “right now. Tell me what to do.” So he does.

Thank you for not recapping that disgusting, awkward, completely unsexy failure in detail. Blech.

[pearlite]

Thank you for not recapping that disgusting, awkward, completely unsexy failure in detail. Blech.

 

Fifty shades of eyeball bleach.

[NinjaPenguins]

 

No, Avery, you fell for Dylan’s cunning plan.

Some people claim sarcasm doesn't come across on the internets. Those people have not savored a peachcap.

 

Boy, Colin popping Devon's cheat balloon is just as satisfying the second time around. The show wastes TR horribly.

[klopek]

Every single one of your recaps are quoteworthy in their entirety.  As ever, our precious Peach has spun 24k gold out of pure unadulterated shit - a truly gifted wordsmith.  Thank you again Peach for the time and effort you put into these paragraphs.

[peacheslatour]

Every single one of your recaps are quoteworthy in their entirety.  As ever, our precious Peach has spun 24k gold out of pure unadulterated shit - a truly gifted wordsmith.  Thank you again Peach for the time and effort you put into these paragraphs.

Seconded.

[Foghorn Leghorn]

Thirded!

[peach]

Mon, Jan 26    Adam & Sage, Sittin’ In A Tree

 

Billy gives Chelsea a single pink rose at the club.  These Abbotts and their single roses.  He even asks about her day, which makes him the best boyfriend EVER!  He says she deserves perfect, so he’s trying hard to get there.   So her day was productive…but..Gabriel stopped by her studio.  WHAT IS IT WITH THAT GUY?  She doesn’t know, but she made it clear that from now on he should only meet her at Jabot.  Billy gets his knickers in a knot.  Chelsea says it was fine, she just…got a weird feeling.  He seemed too familiar.  “Familiar how?” asks Billy.  Oh, kinda soulmatey.

 

Adam pounds the bag at the club.  Let’s just take that in for a minute…..  Okay, Sage comes in.  Geez, what did that bag ever do to him?  Well, he finally made inroads with Chelsea and saw his son, but it ended badly!  She’s putting up roadblocks, probably since he’s coming on like a Mack truck.  Sage says he’ll get around them.  SHE just came from NICK’S, she says with a big grin, where she heard all about Gabe’s naked fountain jumping.  “What an idiot,” says Adam humorlessly.  “Seriously, though, who gives a damn.  None of it matters if Chelsea’s shutting me out.”  Man, is he in a BAD mood.  And to make it even better, here comes Cave Nick lumbering in.  “Get it together,” Sage says through clenched teeth. 

 

“NICK, HIII!”  It’s SO nice to see him again, and she’s very sorry about the misunderstanding with Sharon.  Nah, don’t worry about it.  Sharon’s just overreacting.  “She’s pretty quick to jump all over me ever since I filed for full custody of our daughter.”  Go figure.  Adam can’t resist saying, “Well, don’t blame her.”  Nick smirks.  Then Adam beats the living shit out of him!  Sadly, I’m just kidding.

 

Sharon comforts Faith after a nightmare.  She morphed back into Flower Girl Faith.  Aww, and she’s crying.  :(  Tell Sharon about it.  “Daddy was mad.  He didn’t want me to come over anymore because I was mean to that lady without pants.”  This would be funny, but Faith is so sad.  Sharon says it was only a dream.  What if Daddy stays mad at her?!  He won’t, Faith.  She knows it was confusing for her to see the no pants lady, but Daddy loves Faith.  They both adore her.  Sharon explains that they are getting help from evil lawyers and a judge to work out the best situation for her.  Faith just wants them all to be together again.  They hug.

 

Mariah and Kevin have coffee and banter.  He asks why she was crying earlier.  “I was just…being dumb.”  Kevin says she’s not dumb, she was hurt or upset.  He’d like to help.  “You have,” she says.  She’s heading home.  “You know, I could go home alone, in the dark, or…you could give me a ride.”  She smiles.  He would love to.

 

Dylan reminds me of an angry tomato.  He’s heavy breathing and interrupting a lot and yelling at Joe that he KNOWS HE DID IT!!   “YOU DID IT SO YOU COULD GET AVERY BACK!  YOU’RE DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN ME AND AVERY, AND I’M NOT GONNA LET IT HAPPEN!!”  “As if that would matter!  You can’t control what she does!” shouts Joe.  Avery cries out not to antagonize him, HE HAS A GUN!  “Dylan, please, Joe understands everything you said here, so let’s just go.” 

 

“Yeah, what’s the plan McAvoy, you just gonna shoot me?  Go ahead,” I’m Superman.  Avery holds Dylan back.  Dylan, no!  “Then neither of us will have her.  I’ll be dead, and you’ll be rotting in prison.”  Mouth breather Dylan says it might be worth it.  Dylan, no!  Super Dylan tells Joe he was Special Forces and could kill him a number of ways and nobody would ever know, but instead he’s going to scream and yell and threaten him with a traceable weapon.  “You talk a big game,” says Joe.  Dylan, please, begs Avery.  “You don’t believe me?” he asks Joe.  Nope.  “You don’t believe I could, or you don’t believe I would?  Because I can assure you I’m capable of taking another man’s life,” he throaty whispers.  Joe doesn’t back down.

 

Chelsea says Gabriel didn’t hit on her or anything, he just seems to know a lot about her.  Like what, asks aggravated Billy.  She tells him about the Hotel Athénée story.  Only a handful of people knew about that, Chloe, her mom…Adam.  It felt so personal.  Billy says maybe he just did a ton of research since he was going to be working with her.  But it was more than that, it was like he looked inside her head!  Does she think he’s a stalker?  Nooo, no.  “Seriously, Chels, maybe the guy’s interested in more than just your business.”

 

Nick thinks that’s a pretty strong opinion for Gabe to have when he doesn’t know any of the players.  Sage says Gabe really didn’t mean anything by that, DID YOU, GABRIEL?  Adam chews on his lip for a second while he summons the will to backtrack and apologize.  He’s just having one of those days.  Yeah, smug Nick is having one right now.  Yeah, yeah, well one thing Gabe does know is that when it comes to relationships and kids, emotions get heightened. People start fighting even when they didn’t mean to.  He’s had an ex or two in his past, ya know what I’m sayin’?  Like one of yours, in fact.  Nick forces him to admit he doesn’t have any kids, though.  So he’ll just keep his mouth shut.  Hey, Nick understands.  He’s there to beat on that bag himself.  Sage apologizes again, but Nick says there’s no need.  None of this has anything to do with her.

 

Noah stops by the cottage and gets an earful from Sharon about his jerk of a dad and “this Sage person.”  He thinks there must be more to the story than Faith said or understood.  They debate this.  Noah thinks she should just talk to Dad about it tomorrow when she’s calmer.  WRONG!  She’s not talking to him about IT ALL.  She’s going to USE this to BURY HIM in court!!  GO, SHARON!  But maybe don’t tell Noah.

 

Chelsea says as much as Billy being macho and protective earns him boyfriend points, she doesn’t want him assuming Gabriel has any nonprofessional interest in her.  Well, Billy doesn’t want to have to put a fist through his face or crash him into a ravine.  He’s gotta work with this guy.  “We both do,” says Chelsea, “so don’t turn his curiosity into something it’s not.”  She insists he wasn’t coming on to her, and she will keep Gabriel at a distance.  And this date is supposed to be about them.  They drink champagne.

 

Noah races straight to the gym to find Nick.   <Sigh>  I told you, Sharon.  He looks at Adam.  “Do I know you??”  Yeah, coffee shop.  Oh, that’s right.  Nick introduces This Sage Person to Noah.  Noah, this is my boarding school buddy and my angel of mercy.  Super.  He takes Nick aside, but not quite enough, to rat out Sharon escalating the custody dispute.  Faith heard him tell some woman to take her clothes off?  Adam looks at Sage, like, oh, really?  She whispers it’s not what it sounds like!! 

 

Nick explains how it was just a common misunderstanding that happens when ladies spill water on their jeans.  Sharon’s just mad because she’s JELLY.  Noah says maybe that’s PART of it, but Nick says NO, IT’S ALL OF IT.  Faith was just fine when she left his house, after making emergency rescue calls.  Noah just wants him to go over to Sharon’s and talk to her before it gets any worse.  UGH.  Why should Nick have to put himself out over this crap.

 

Sharon mopes around the cottage and has a flashback to her argument with Nick about why Faith thinks he’s punishing her, which would be because he is.  He snaps at her that once they find out about her switching the DNA evidence, how exactly does she think he’s going to lose?  Her phone rings.  It’s David.  Mariah and Kevin walk in, and Sharon asks if they can watch Faith so she can run meet him. 

 

She leaves, and Faith comes down.  Now she’s worried that Mommy went somewhere because of what she said about that lady at Daddy’s.  The one wearing his robe.  Mariah and Kevin are like, awkward!  He goes in the kitchen so Faith can tell Mariah the story.  Maybe she can help.  “And then you can fix things with Mommy and Daddy!” Faith says, throwing her arms around her neck.  Mariah’s like, uh-oh.

 

Dylan’s still yelling at Joe.  “I kept telling you to back off.  But you wouldn’t listen!  DID YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST SIT BACK AND TAKE IT?!”  Dylan, please!  He throws off Avery’s arm.  “THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND JOE.  YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN BE HERE!!”  No, she SHOULDN’T, says Joe.  What does that tell him?  She obviously still cares about him.  Why else would she come down there to warn him about Dylan?  “She can’t help herself from protecting me.”  Geez, Joe, are you aiming for a double murder-suicide here?

 

“You are one smug, delusional sonofabitch!” says Dylan, rubbing his head.  “Yeah, well, I know my wife,” says Joe.  “EX-WIFE!!” screams Dylan.  “EX-WIFE!  Avery’s here because she’s looking out for me, she doesn’t give a DAMN about you!”  Whatever gets Dylan through the night.  “You wanna hear what’s gonna get you through the REST of YOUR NIGHTS??  Not one more beating, not one more threatening phone call, not one more play for my fiancée, OR I’M GONNA COME BACK!!  And IF I come back, you won’t be taking one more breath!”

 

So, Nick asked the lady to take off her pants?  But that’s only because she spilled water on them, and he put them in the dryer?  Faith nods.  “So, I’m guessing you didn’t tell Mommy that part.”  Umm, no.  She just wanted to be home with Mommy and away from that lady.  Did she do something wrong?  Mariah comforts her and says her parents are crazy.  About her.  It was good she told Mariah the whole story.  So go get some sleep.  “I’m so glad you’re my sister,” Faith says, hugging her. 

 

Faith runs off, and Kevin says no wonder Sharon was upset.  At least now Mariah can clear things up.  Mariah presses her lips together, like, hmm.  Wait, what was that?  She looks like she’s not going to tell Sharon the truth.  Who, Mariah?

 

Sharon meets David at Crimson Lights and says she has to use this against Nick.  He’s glad she’s finally seen the light.  No court will grant him custody when he’s parading half naked women around in front of his child.  Sharon is ready and willing to testify that’s exactly what she saw.  Yeaaah, he’s gonna need better ammo than that.  They have to put Faith on the stand.  Sharon balks.

 

Sage and Adam are sweeping into the club, dressed for dinner.  They both look super hot.  He’s mercilessly teasing her for taking her clothes off for his brother??  “You know me better than that!” argues Sage.  “I know the way you look at him!”  Uh, that was her keeping HER part of the bargain, Adam, while he was screwing things up with Chelsea!   Oops, she pricked him that pin again.  Mm hmm.  “You’ve spent too much time creating this new life to waste it WHINING, so THINK.  You’ve got to woo yourself back into your wife’s good graces.”  And there she is now, with Billy.  He sees them over Sage’s shoulder, and when Chelsea glances over and notices him, he leans down and plants a slow, romantic kiss on Sage.  Billy notices too.  Chelsea’s embarrassed he’s not really stalking her.

 

Wow, Adam kissed Sage for an entire commercial break.  Nice.  He whispers for her to smile as he pulls away, they have an audience.  She glances and sees Chelsea, of course, and says not a good move.  That was an amazing move.  That’s how he’s going to win Chelsea back, he’ll make her at ease thinking he has a girlfriend, and Sage just got hired.  They walk over to Chelsea’s table holding hands.  He has a request.  Ooo, Gabe, Chelsea already told you she wants to talk business at Jabot.  Right, but he was talking to Billy.  He needs a copy of that R&D report for a meeting tomorrow, because everyone works in all the departments.  Billy will email it to him.  Oh, and this is his girlfriend, Sage.

 

SAGE is his girlfriend??  He asks why she’s so shocked.  Well, you really like fashion.  But actually, it’s because they’ve met This Sage Person before, at Delia’s memorial before Christmas.  Wow, really, honey?  You NEVER TOLD Gabriel about that [goddammit.]  Oh, it was just a flat tire, and she needed directions.  Chelsea winces about being unpleasant to her and accusing her of following her…kinda like Gabriel does.  They country club laugh over such an odd coincidence.  So many of them!  Well, it’s so nice to meet them.  They start to walk away, but Billy invites them to sit down for a drink.  Gabe would LOVE TO.  Gosh, has Adam never heard of playing hard to get?

 

Mariah tells Kevin things aren’t so black and white.  Whoa, she cannot let Sharon keep believing--  “Do you want me to block Sharon’s one chance at getting sole custody?!”  They argue about what this would do to Nick, who started the whole thing.  Mariah’s not trying to hurt him, but he’s been SO UGLY to Sharon.  “And Sharon has been ugly right back,” chides Kevin.  What?  SHUT UP, KEVIN.  Mariah says he SEES what this is doing to Faith!  She doesn’t want her little sister dragged through this nasty tug of war when she only wants her family back together.  Kevin knows Mariah wants the same thing.  She just wishes Shick could work it out.

 

NICK and Noah just walk right in the door, like Nick lives there, without calling first, I MIGHT ADD. He needs to talk to Sharon, get her out here.  Kevin decides to run away, which is a good call.  Mariah says Faith is sleeping, and Sharon went out.  “Where’d she go?” demands Nick.  NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.  Ugh, Nick says, “Mariah?” all fatherly toned, and she admits Sharon went to see her lawyer.  Faith comes running downstairs.  “Daddy!  I’m so sorry, Daddy!”  They hug.

 

Sharon’s not so sure about having Faith testify against her father.  David thinks it would be perfect.  All she’d be doing in court is telling the truth.  But she’s just a little girl, says Sharon.  Ah, that’s why the attorneys and judge will go easy on her.  Sharon gets a glint in her eye.  Well, Avery is Nick’s attorney, and Faith HATES Avery.  This can’t get any better, says David.  The esteemed Avery Bailey Clark can’t rip into a little girl on cross-examination.  Slam dunk.  Sharon kind of loves it, but still, she doesn’t know.  Does she think Nick would hesitate for an instant to do this to her?  She says she doesn’t know WHAT he’d do these days.  Self-righteously screw you over, that’s for sure.

 

Dylan gets back to Crimson Lights and stares oddly for quite a while.  Avery comes rushing in.  He scared her to death, this is like the cabin!  No way, he’s in complete control this time.  She says that’s even worse if he knows what he’s doing.  “I’m DONE WITH JOE CLARK TRYING TO BREAK US UP!”  But he’s gone too far!  She thought he was going to pull his evil, crazy making gun on Joe!  Well, that would be kind of tough because he left it under the bar.  “You didn’t bring it!” she gasps with relief.  So…what was SHE doing there?  What was she thinking, running from here right to Joe?  To protect him??

 

Joe’s pacing around his suite, worried.  He calls somebody and leaves a message.  He doesn’t know how much more he can push this deal through.  Dylan’s lost it.  “If backing out of this deal steps on what you’ve got planned for Victor Newman… Look, we gotta back out,” or I’m gonna get my beautiful brains blown out.  Joe scowls and drinks.  So…someone has something “planned” for Victor.

 

Avery thought Dylan understood.  He told Joe he did.  “I told him what I hoped was the truth.  Now I’m asking you.”  She went to warn Joe for him.  She was so worried he was going to do something stupid and get arrested, as usual.  Dylan says she played right into his hands.  She’s gotta stay away from that guy.  “You should take your own advice!” says Avery.  The guy MESSED WITH HIS BUSINESS!  And he MESSED WITH THEIR RELATIONSHIP!  He’s tried to be POLITE, and he’s tried to do it the legal way, and it didn’t work!  “IF JOE PUSHES ME AGAIN, I’M GONNA KILL HIM!”  I’m pretty sure that’s no problem if guy messes with your business and relationship.  That’s not considered premeditated murder, nope, not at all.  It’s just Acting Out.

 

Billy & Chelsea and Sage & Adam all sit together over champagne.  Chelsea asks how long they’ve been together.  Oh, like forever.  “We go way, way, way back,” says Sage.  They grew up together!  And then one day, about five minutes ago, Gabe just looked at her and realized they were more than just pals.  Billy knows what he means.  One day you just see your rapist and good friend in a whole new way.  Adam makes his throat punching face.  Billy wonders what else they don’t know about good old Gabe.  Why did he get a job at Jabot?  Family owned companies appeal to him.  His dad had one until Newman Enterprises took it over.  Sage says they don’t have to talk about THAT unhappy subject.  That’s okay!  Billy’s a charter member of the I Hate TGVN club.  Gabe says he seems like an easy man to hate.  Well, at least they have that in common!  Who knows what else there is.  Fiery car crashes?  Chelsea smiles.

 

Nick sits with Faith and says he understands she was confused about This Sage Person.  But the thing is, it confused Mommy, too.  She’s not in trouble, but she needs to tell Mommy what really happened.  Sharon walks in and hears him say, “And I really don’t want you telling that story to anyone else.” 

 

Sharon asks Noah and Mariah to take Faith to bed.  Nick stands in HER living room and tells her she shouldn’t have gone running to her lawyer without finding out the truth!  “The truth that you told our daughter to keep quiet about?  You were coaching Faith on what to say.”  NO, he wasn’t.  And if she’d asked Faith for more details, or better yet, come to him after he kicked her out of his house, they could have avoided this whole thing. 

 

Sharon’s really not interested in the yucky details of This Sage Person.   Blah wet clothes blah.  He doesn’t appreciate Faith running around implying he’s sleeping with her!  “I told YOU it would be confusing to Faith for That Woman to be in your house.  It was YOUR time to spend with our daughter.  Did you ask Sage to leave?  Did you even stop to think how it might affect Faith to see This Woman in your robe?  And then you have the GALL to get angry with HER?  She reached out to me because she was upset!!”  Uh, uh, um, uh.  “She thought you never wanted her to come over to your house again!”  Why would she think THAT?  Because of the way he acted today!  “You run around and tell everyone who will listen that you’re the better parent, but where are your priorities?”  Nick’s like, wow, sounds like someone else got some coaching from their lawyer. 

 

Sharon can’t stand this.  She never wanted them to become these people!  Battling over their child!  “I didn’t want to be these people either, Sharon, but YOU did this to us!”  Sharon’s like omg, I betraaayed you, GET OVER IT, maybe just for Faith’s sake!  Can we find a way get through this?  “I can’t,” pouts Nick, “and I WON’T.  We’re going to trial.”  Then he leaves her no choice.  She’s gonna scorch his earth.  “Faith is going to have to go to court and say exactly how she feels, about you, AND That Woman.  I doubt you’ll end up with full custody then!”  Nick stares at her in his usual disbelief that she’s fighting back. 

 

Avery says by declaring war on Joe, Dylan’s putting himself at risk.  How can he expect her to accept his predictable violence?  She loves him too much.  Dylan sighs.  He’s having a post rage downswing and has to finish up some work, so he’ll see her at home.  Avery calls Joe.  He was concerned about her leaving with Dylan, he’s LOST IT!  Avery says Dylan’s not messing around, he needs to back off.  So, Joe was right, she does still care about him.   Not wanting him dead is as far as it goes, Joe.  She will NEVER choose him over hotheaded Dylan!  He just wants one night with her.  One night so he can make things up to her, WITHOUT Dylan interfering!  “YOU’RE the one who’s interfering, Joe!  I want this to stop before something awful happens.”  Then give him what he wants, and he’ll stop.  He promises, you guys.  Meet him at his suite, at 9 pm on Thursday.

 

Billy and Chelsea tell Sage and Adam good night and leave.  Sage is pissed.  “You shouldn’t have told them I was your girlfriend!  We already told Nick I was just your friend.  How do you think he’ll react when he finds out??”  He smirks.  So, she’s worried she’s lost her chances with his brother if he finds out she’s taken.  That is NOT what she’s talking about!  It’s about BLOWING HIS COVER.  Adam thinks this will SAVE his cover.  Chelsea’s more at ease and less suspicious.  This is great! 

 

Chelsea realizes what Billy was doing.  “Always keep the enemy close,” says Billy.  Does he really think Gabe is the enemy?  Well, anybody who hates Victor gets points in his book, but there’s still something off about the guy.  So while she keeps her distance, HE’S going to get to know Gabriel a little bit better.  She appreciates him looking out for her.  Lots of kissing.

 

Faith tells Noah and Mariah that Mommy and Daddy are fighting again, and it’s all her fault.  No, no.  Mariah explains that her parents are being assholes in a way that only grownups can be. “Do you think they’ll get back together?”  Noah’s like who the hell knows on this show, but we’ll always be a family.

 

Nick’s like, you’ll really put Faith on the stand to testify against me.  “Not only will I do that, I will get a court order to keep you from seeing her and COACHING her before the trial.”  Nick says this is RIDICULOUS!  “YOU’RE the one who’s painted me into this corner!” she declares.  He didn’t push her into getting Faith to testify!  WAAAH!  Sharon’s like, listen to me closely, idiot.  “I am fighting for Faith.  I’m fighting for my relationship with my daughter!  So we’re going to do it your way!  We’re going to let the judge hear everything and THEN decide!”  Nick scowls.  “Don’t you dare manipulate my daughter and get her to lie about me in front of that judge!”  Sharon doesn’t need her to lie.  She just needs the judge to ask her who she wants to live with,  “And I think we both know damn well what she’s gonna say!”

[peach]

Dylan in a rage.

[movinon]

 

That’s okay!  Billy’s a charter member of the I Hate TGVN club.  Gabe says he seems like an easy man to hate.  Well, at least they have that in common!  Who knows what else there is.  Fiery car crashes?

Love this one, peach.  Thanks so much for doing these recaps - this has to take lots of time.   You always make my day.

[smartyshorts]

Angry Tomato Dylan just made my whole day. I want to have kids with you, question their paternity 3 or 4 times during their lives and sue you for full custody of one of them.

[peach]

Angry Tomato Dylan just made my whole day. I want to have kids with you, question their paternity 3 or 4 times during their lives and sue you for full custody of one of them.

After about six beers and two late night doughnuts, I am laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes.

[crosby777]

 

Fifty shades of eyeball bleach.

GAG,

[Canadian]

Dylan in a rage.

LOL, hilarious....

[Petunia13]

Dylan's an asshole.

[peach]

Tue, Jan 27, 2015      A Briefcase Full Of Cash And A Promise

 

Phyllis stares sadly out the glass doors of the Abbott manse.  She tells Jack that she thought she was okay all this time.  “If I’m wrong about me, and all the things that I’ve done, what does that mean for us?”  Jack’s surprised.  Aww, you were terrible before all this, Red, it’s okay!

 

Kelly’s looking lovely today in a flattering GCRB wrap dress, and it seems the poison is all gone now.  She sniffs a single red rose out of a flower arrangement at the club.  Hmm.  Stitch comes up and asks her what she’s doing there?  He was supposed to bring her home from the hospital!  Eh, she checked herself out and slept for a long time, and now she feels fine.  Stitch says she ingested a toxic chemical.  Just because she survived doesn’t mean she’s okay.  Oh, Ben.

 

“I know everything that makes you you.  This is not your fault,” Jack tells Phyllis. He thinks finding out Dr. Cutler’s drugs made her cray cray is a big relief.  “A relief that my brain is scrambled??”  A relief that they know why it happened, so they can undo it and fix it!  How?  Probably by injecting you with some other crap.  Jack’s enlisted some help. 

 

Victoria’s at the office ordering flowers for the christening.  She knows Victor’s appalled that Billy’s the father, and Jack’s the godfather, but really, he seems distracted today.  Is he worried about the bad publicity, or selling Chancellor to raise cash?  “The sale of the Chancellor division is not an option, K?”  She thinks it’s the best one they have.  PLEASE don’t bring it up again, my darling!  “Dad, your decision to hold on to Chancellor is hurting this business!  And it’s hurting you personally, so I WILL bring it up.  Until you do something about it.”

 

Jill’s at the club.  She looks great in the red/black combo today.  Colin hands her the prospectus for Newman Chancellor and says it COULD just say Chancellor, with her name underneath.  He gave her a pile of cash so she could go ahead and buy it.  Jill says getting it all stacked up on a silver platter made her feel like a gun moll.  He wonders if that what heaven smells like.  Jill laughs, but seriously, Colin, where did you get it?  “Did you kill a bookie?  Did you rob a very rich child?” lol

 

Cane, Lily, and frowny pouter Devon come along and join in the fun.  Cane asks if Colin robbed a baby?  YES, he’s standing right behind you.  Jill says kids don’t have that kind of money.  Cane’s like what kind of money are we talking here?  Enough for a down payment to buy Chancellor.  Colin gave it to her.  So WHERE is it from?  Colin just says a rather lucrative opportunity crossed his path.  Devon says, “Why are you dodging this, Colin?  Just tell everyone where you got the money!”  Devon’s an idiot.

 

Hilary and Neil are at home.  She looks pretty in a silky red blouse and skinny black pants.  Neil tells her it’s a very hurtful thing knowing his wife is crying to herself instead of telling him what’s going on.  Hilary tries to brush it off.  “I felt your tears on the pillow.  I felt like I was holding your sadness in my hands,” he says softly.  IT WAS HER GUILT IN YOUR HANDS.  “Hilary, talk to me.  What is it I don’t know?”

 

If she won’t share with him what’s bothering her, how can he help her? She just shouldn’t have gone to the spa.  That’s not what a good, loyal wife does!  Well, that’s silly, she has to look out for herself, too.  “I’m not gonna have you martyr yourself for a blind man.”  Hilary’s eyes almost bug out.  TRUST HER, that is NOT what she’s doing, she says guiltily.  Neil says the last thing he wants is for her to coddle him and protect him. He’s stronger than that.  Please, trust him enough to tell him.  Okay…there is…something.  I’ve been martyring myself on top of Devon.

 

Devon keeps taunting Colin.  They’re all family there, so tell them how he came into all this cash?  By catching you screwing Hilary, Devon, is that what you want him to say??  Colin says it’s a delicate deal and requires discretion.  “It’s delicately illegal,” surmises Jill.  If it was a loan, darling, what’s the interest rate?  What is the collateral?  Her head??  Colin promises no one’s in jeopardy and her pretty head is safe.  Lily says it wouldn’t even be an issue if somebody had gotten on Chancellor first. 

 

Cane shakes his head at her, but Lily forges ahead because of course.  She just really wants to know why Devon won’t do it.  If he doesn’t want to give the money to Cane and Jill, that’s one thing, but why not do it for himself?  This is family.  KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY, you selfish Chancellor grandson.  What’s more important than that?  Cane tries to stop her, but she just wants to know!  IKR?  He has billions of dollars, how can his money be tied up?  It just is, says Devon.  She doesn’t see any more cars or art or houses.  Is he gambling?  Is Gwen a golddigger?  Don’t be ridiculous.  Then where is all his money going?  Because it must be going somewhere.  Wow, Colin has lots of money, and Devon has no money.  How odd.

 

Kelly is FINE.  Jack is with Phyllis now.  She has accepted that unpleasant truth.  Stitch presses her about how Jack left her hanging.  Look, Jack is a good, decent man who couldn’t abandon a woman who came out of a coma, no matter how unpleasant and murdery she is.  So she thinks it’s all about obligation?  “Because he’s honorable,” she says.  “Or maybe he loves her, Kell.”  A woman who could attempt murder?!  Yep.  “If you still think you and Jack have some kind of chance together---“  Kelly’s like, hey, the woman Jack chose wants her DEAD.  She can take a hint and back off! 

 

Paul has walked in.  He’d like a moment with Kelly in private.  Okay, but Stitch says he still needs to talk to his crazy sister later.  Paul says Memorial Hospital reported that she was poisoned with antifreeze, and she suspected it was put in a cup of tea she had at the club.  His men are searching the kitchen, but all the cups and such have been washed.  “So, there’s nothing left to pursue?” she asks.  Oh, hardly.  Paul’s not letting this go.

 

Phyllis is agitated.  “Did you book me a ticket to Switzerland, or Sweden, or wherever Dr. Cutler does his dark magic?!”  Sweetheart, he doesn’t trust Dr. Cutler either.  He made her an appointment with a psychiatrist, a doctor who knows how the brain should work.  “Because now I’m mentally ill?” asks Phyllis.  No, things just…aren’t right.  And they can fix them!  If this doctor doesn’t have any answers, they’ll find a different one.  Phyllis says that sounds exhausting.  Jack will be with her every step of the way, just like she was with his detox.  And if she, um, did those things to Kelly--  Phyllis kind of freaks out because she DOESN’T KNOW if she did it!  SHE DOESN’T KNOW!  Jack holds her.  “Jack, I’m not sure how, but Kelly’s winning.”

 

Victoria says Chancellor’s been a financial drain ever since Bonaventure.  Selling it will distance them from that tainted entity, and give them the cash they need to focus on what’s really important, NEWMAN Enterprises.  “Sweetheart, I am not handing over Chancellor to that Cane Ashby guy.  HE is the one who saddled Chancellor in the first place with that Bonaventure deal.”  Seems like you should have had HIM brought up on federal charges.  “Then sell it to SOMEBODY ELSE,” says Victoria.  Duh.  Victor will sell it when it suits him!  It should suit him NOW, she says.  And then he doesn’t need the warehouse deal.  Victor says one real estate transaction’s not gonna make a difference, K?  But it’s a transaction the entire town HATES.  “I don’t giveadamn if the entire town hates it,” he says with irritation.  He hates the entire town back, okay?  “Do you know what it means to develop the downtown district?  It means a lot of jobs!  The town should kiss my feet!!”  If it makes you feel any better, I agree with you Victor. 

 

But, DAD, it will put Super Dylan out of business!  Except not really.  And if he thinks Mom is going to forgive him for that, she’s not!  He hired her to give him her opinion and this is it!  He needs to sell Chancellor, unless he wants to risk his business AND his marriage, for the sake of PRIDE!  “Sweetheart, I love and adore you, but when it comes to my marriage and my business, I MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.”  I pay you to agree with me.

 

Devon says Chancellor costs a hell of a lot of money, guys.  “Katherine LEFT YOU a hell of a lot of money,” notes Jill, who didn’t get any of it.  Yeah, but mostly in stocks, bonds, etc.  His liquid assets are committed to another venture, sex with Hilary.  Jill asks if it’s contracted.  Couldn’t he think about backing them at Chancellor instead?  “I don’t want to,” whines Devon. EXCUSE ME??  “Katherine left me the money, and Victor the company.  If she wanted it to be any other way, she would have put that in her will."  Which is a good, but self-serving point.  Jill can’t believe this.  Colin says a man has got to honor his conscience.  He has the utmost respect for Devon for staying out of this, and besides, it makes Colin look like the hero!  That’s more than Devon can take, and he walks off.  Cane notices!  Jill says she has to go make her play to Victor now.

 

Cane follows Devon into the lobby.  So all his money’s tied up, huh?  Did he give it to Colin?  Devon’s like, uh, why would you say that?  Cane asks if Colin has leverage over him.  “He does, doesn’t he?  Does he know about you and Hilary?”  Whaaat?  There’s nothing to know.  They’re over.  Devon walks away, and Cane squints.  He smells a rat.  Either way, the money buys the company, so who cares?

 

Neil tells Hilary they have to be straight with each other, don’t they?  Hilary goes for deflection.  “Have you been straight with me?  Because a new eye doctor called to confirm an appointment that I never knew you had.”  HA, HOW DARE YOU MAKE EYE DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS!  He probably drinks all the milk, too.  Neil admits he’s in the experimental vision program that’s hopefully not run by Dr. Cutler.  Omg, he’s a candidate to see again?!  She gets SUPER EXCITED, THIS is what she and Devon have been WAITING FOR! 

 

But it’s a long shot, Hilary.  He doesn’t want to get her hopes up and let her down.  Hey, he’s never let her down..but to shut her out like this?  It might make her cheat or something.  He just wants to save her the pain!  “Look who’s coddling who,” she chides.  He whispers that he saw some flickers of light, but it might not happen again.  He doesn’t want to get her hopes up.  “WE HAVE HOPE, DAMN RIGHT!”  She throws herself on him.  She wants to go to his appointment!  Would it hurt her feelings if he’d rather go alone?  Sure, whatever he wants.  What time will that be so she can have sex with Devon?

 

Paul tells Kelly a victim was poisoned!  He’s not about to drop the investigation.  Kelly says there’s no evidence of foul play, though, who doesn’t like a little antifreeze in their tea from time to time?  What can he even do?  Well, first he can look at the security footage of the dining room to see who might have done this to her.  That is one secure dining room.  Hmm…Kelly can’t do this.  Interesting.  She’s sorry, but she doesn’t want any more drama in her life.  Paul says she has to tell him.  Why, it will just be more of Kelly’s word against hers.  So it's Phyllis!! 

 

She explains how Phyllis keeps orchestrating ways to make it look like Kelly’s attacking her.  Paul says there’s some distance between that and flat out poisoning someone.  Well, Phyllis has to figure out some way to remove Kelly from the equation.  “For somebody who just got out of the hospital, you’re not afraid for your life?”  Kelly heard a lot about Phyllis and how tough she was, but look at her, she’s threatened by KELLY.   Even Kelly herself thinks that’s pathetic.  But Phyllis has shown her hand, so what can she do now?  So Kelly’s really not afraid of her?  “Honestly, I’m afraid FOR her, and for Jack.  He wanted his fiancée back, and instead he got…whoever Phyllis is now.”  The same gal who tried to run over his wife.

 

Jack and Phyllis go to the psychiatrist, where he explains they’re worried about the side effects of some coma juice she was given.  Between that and the coma itself, they just want to understand recent…events.  She asks him to wait outside.  She already seems more competent than Dr. Mead.  Phyllis says Jack isn’t usually so nervous.  “It’s just that I went from hell on wheels to off the rails crazy.”  The doctor asks if Phyllis thinks there’s a problem.  “Do you want me to blow smoke so we can both get out of here?  Or do you want the actual truth?”  Hmm, well she bills by the hour, so why not tell her the very long truth.

 

Devon stops by Neil’s where Hilary excitedly tells him about his vision situation.  OMG, THIS IS AMAZING.  He wanted to go the doctor on his own, and Hilary had to respect his wishes because she’s so respectful of Neil.  Devon’s like, this means Neil could get his whole life back!   “I know it’s selfish,” says Hilary with a big smile, “but the first thing I thought was—“  “We could tell him the truth!” says Devon.  Well, as long as you KNOW it’s selfish.  “Neil could have his life back.  And we could have ours,” says Hilary.  Devon says they can be out in the open, and never have to hide again.  Which will make it so much easier for Lily to take aim at you.  Hilary nearly weeps with joy.

 

Colin tries to give Jill some tips on dealing with Victor.  “Are you seriously trying to tell ME how to deal with a powerful man?”  Has she ever mentioned her ex-husband?  Yeah, will this one’s alive and kicking, so be careful.  She leaves.

 

Cane walks up.  “So what did you do?”  Colin swears this money is legit and it won’t cost Cane or Jill a dime.  He’s the one who cost Cane his job at Chancellor because of the Bonaventure mess.  This is his way of paying him back.  Cane puts his hand on his shoulder.  “Dad, I didn’t ask you to pay me back.”  Colin says Katherine wanted him at Chancellor.  “You deserve it.  And you’re gonna HAVE it.”

 

Stitch and Victoria meet up in the freezing park.  He says Kelly’s doing okay physically, but he could swear she thinks she’ll get back with Jack eventually.  Vicky says Jack and Phyllis are engaged, doesn’t she see he’s truly moved on?  He tries to tell her, but it’s like she can’t hear him.  Vicky says that sounds like her with Victor.  So she took a power walk in the park.  Katie cries, and Stitch comforts her.  Blah christening blah.  Stitch says he probably shouldn’t be there, but Vicky insists he belongs.

 

Phyllis tells the shrink the thing is, she hates Kelly.  But she’s hated dozens, maybe hundreds of people.  The doctor chuckles indulgently as if Phyllis were exaggerating.  “I wanted her gone, from the first moment I heard about her and Jack.”  Then the question seems to be did she ACTIVELY try to remove her from his life?  Phyllis doesn’t know.  The other question is did the coma juice cause this confusion?  Phyllis says she knows how to lie.  She can cover, spin, and dodge…but this time she doesn’t know what the hell is going on.  That’s why she came to her.  Because if she really poisoned Kelly, that would be fine, it’s just not remembering it that’s the problem.  “Did I straight up, with malice and forethought, give that bitch what she deserved?”

 

Jack waits in the hallway, and Kelly walks by.  She acts panicky when she sees him.  He asks if she’s okay from the poison.  She’s just there for a follow up, but she really better rush off.  If Phyllis gets wind of her being there--  “I’m sorry,” says Jack.  “I’m sorry, Kelly, I truly am.”

 

Stitch says he and Billy have their own version of a truce, and he knows when to back off.  blah blah.  The park bench is so cheap it’s swaying back and forth.  Victoria complains about her whole dramatic family.  Gosh he’d hate to miss out on all that fun.  It’s Katie who needs him there.  “I might not be your dad,” Stitch tells baby Katie, “but I’ll always be your friend.  And I’ll always love you.”  Aww.

 

Jill goes to Victor’s office.  “Jill!  The cavalry has arrived!  Are you here to save me and my company, or what?”  He’s joking, but she is serious, she says, plopping a briefcase on his desk.  He opens it up to see all of Devon’s cash.  He chuckles.  “You seem to be short.”  She says it’s just the down payment.  “In cash?  That’s how you do business?”  She thinks it’s kind of endearing, and whimsical.  Consider it an act of friendship.  “How sweet of you. You’re still short.”  Well, she has the rest.  “Oh, yeah?  Until it’s in my corporate account, in full, you’re still short, and we have nothing to talk about, K?”  Victor…the rest of it will be on the way as soon as they have a deal.

 

“A briefcase full of cash, and a promise.  You’ve been out of the business world for too long.  That doesn’t fly with me.”  Jill says all she wants is a commitment from him to sell.  “What about no don’t you understand, Jill?”  Is this what he wants for his epitaph?  The man who drove Katherine Chancellor’s empire into the ground?  Victor takes off his glasses.  Let him give us a little history lesson.  Katherine was a dear friend that he misses a lot, btw, and she brought him to this town originally to run her company.  And he MADE Chancellor Industries into what it is.   “You get it?  Now, for you to come here with a load of cash, like a drug dealer?  That’s embarrassing! She’d be ashamed of you!” 

 

Jill chuckles.  Nooo, Kay would be PROUD of her, because she knew Jill inside and out.  She KNEW Jill would fight for Chancellor, it’s probably exactly what she wanted!  Which means Jill is gonna fight like hell!  Victor laughs.  “You’ll go down in grand fashion!  That is probably what Katherine wanted.”  Jill’s eyes harden. 

 

Phyllis says she lost a year out of her life.  She made it to Jack’s house, and after that she had only one thought on her mind:  make Sharon suffer.  Every step, every move getting her closer to that stairwell.  Make Sharon pay.  “But I HATE Kelly.”  Wow.  “But she hates me just as much, maybe even more.  Her sob story is legit..but she thinks she DESERVES Jack, to make up for all of her suffering.  And somehow I’M the interloper, I’M the homewrecker, and somehow I’m supposed to suffer?  And yet here I am, the one under the microscope.” 

 

The doctor thinks they can approach it one of two ways. They can go over the evidence of who did what to whom, or they can talk about how she FEELS and why, her hopes and expectations.  Phyllis laughs bitterly.  “My expectation was to come home and get my life back.  I didn’t! I was in our home, in our bed, and his mind was… he was in love with someone else!  Not me!”  Jack didn’t want to make love because he didn’t want to betray her?  They packed up her stuff like she didn’t exist!  “She took MY home, MY bed, MY fiance, MINE.” 

 

The doctor says she has all those things back now.  But Phyllis thinks when Jack looks at her, there’s pity in his eyes.  “I don’t do pity.”  Interesting, because what the doctor saw was love.  Is this doc gonna help her or what.  She says Phyllis needs to consider that her insecurity is more of a threat to her relationship than any outsider.  And if she truly believes she crossed the line in the past?  Then she needs to make amends to the people she hurt.  That’s the first step in moving on.  Oh.  I guess she’s not going to get better, then.

 

Kelly asks Jack not to say anything.  He thinks they need to talk about this!  Paul is investigating what happened to her, but she swears she didn’t instigate that.  Jack insists Phyllis was not responsible, it was side effects from the experiment they did on her.  She’s in that room getting help, so none of this will ever happen again!  “VICTOR did this to her, to all of us!  And she shouldn’t go to prison for something she doesn’t even remember!”  Whoa, Jack, she’s not going to prison.  Kelly’s not filing a complaint.  There’s no evidence, and she’s not pressing charges.  “You’ve been through enough.  And I just want this over.”  Jack thanks her and gives her a hug…right when crayzee Phyllis walks out the door.  He looks terrified.

 

Phyllis takes a deep breath and says she’s really sorry for what happened.  Well, that surprises everyone.  Kelly stammers out a thank you, and says she’s sure they’ll all be fine.  “Time heals everything,” she says, rushing away.  Jack’s like, wow.  “You okay?”  She doesn’t know.  Well Jack knows he’s never been prouder of her.  They hug.

 

Lily tells Paul there’s no security footage from that day.  They updated the system, and there’s been some glitches. “Well, that’s a fine how do you do,” says Paul, rubbing his forehead. Isn’t it?  He’ll try talking to the staff.  Kelly comes in.  She’s in shock because Phyllis actually apologized to her!  Lily says then she admitted it, basically.  She should tell Paul!  NO, says Kelly.  He needs to leave it alone!  She already promised Jack she wouldn’t press charges.  This whole thing has to STOP so Kelly can be The Bigger Person here.  And part of her pities Phyllis that she feels so threatened by Kelly.  “Well, we know that’s a lie,” says Lily.  Kelly’s like, wait, what?

 

Hilary moans that it’s going to be SO hard telling Neil.  “It’s harder to NOT tell him,” says Devon.  She tells him Neil realized she was crying a lot yesterday.  It KILLS Devon to think of her being that sad.  “It’s just that he’s so intelligent and attentive.  I feel like deep down he already senses it.”  It really takes super senses when your young wife cries all the time and will barely touch you.  Devon says soon enough they can explain and apologize and stop living this lie.  He really seems to labor under the delusion that people are going to accept these explanations and apologies, and it will all be hunky dory because love.  "Then Neil’s going to think the entire time I just stayed with him out of pity because I did.  He’s still going to be hurt.”  YA THINK? 

 

Devon says all they can do is face him and the consequences together.  She says they’re making plans for something that may never happen.  It’s GOING to happen, says Devon, because Neil deserves this, and I guess other blind people just had it coming.  “Do we deserve it?” asks skeptical Hilary.  “It’s not up for us to decide what we deserve.  All I know is that I love you, and I CAN’T WAIT to let the world know that,” so the world can spit in our faces.  They embrace, and then blind Neil ruins it again by coming home to his own house.

 

Jack and Phyllis gets home.  He thinks they’re on the right track.  Apologizing to Kelly took a lot of guts.  Well, she’s doing what the doctor said by making amends, and admitting--  “Admitting what?” asks Jack.  That…she is insecure.  And maybe that is making her destructive.  “Don’t you ever question my feelings for you.  I love you more than you will ever know,” he says, kissing her.

 

Lily says Kelly is THRILLED that Phyllis is threatened by her.  What? No!  “Of course you are, because if Phyllis is threatened, then maybe Jack still wants to be with you.”  Kelly protests too much, and also thinks there’s more to Jack being kind and respectful to her.  “I think Jack is finally realizing that Phyllis isn’t the woman that he once loved.” 

 

Neil’s glad Devon is there, there’s something he wants to talk about.  They have too many secrets, alright?  Enough holding back, Neil needs to learn how to trust them all.  And this vision restoration might not work, but he finally told Hilary everything, and one thing is for sure, EITHER WAY, “Man, that girl LOVES ME.  And we’re gonna have one hell of  life together, you hear what I’m sayin?”  Yeahhh.

 

Jill gets back to the club, and she doesn’t want to hear what she shoulda said, or what she shoulda done.  Victor was not the LEAST BIT impressed with her stack of cash.  He wants the full price now.  “And if he doesn’t get it?” asks Cane.  Then he’s likely to sell it to somebody else!  “Fear not,” says Colin, “There’s more where this came from.  You’ll be running Chancellor before you know it.”  Cane’s like wtf is going on?

 

KAY CHANCELLOR FLASHBACK!!!  Victor’s reading his prospectus.  He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes, and remembers Kay at his hospital bedside!  “You’ve been given a wake-up call,” she tells him, to maybe not fight greedy corporate raiders, but spend time with his loved ones.  He says they’re cut from the same cloth, and when he’s flat on his back and he lashes out even more, and fights harder.  She asks if risking his health and family is worth fighting one Jack Abbott.  He has a feeling he has to fight more than just JackAbbott.  Well, if it were here, “I’d spend my time making the most of what I have, instead of risking everything for what I don’t.”

 

Victor sits at his desk.  “Only you would understand, Katherine.  I miss you so much.”  Aww, man, I haz feelz.

[movinon]

 

Phyllis says she knows how to lie.  She can cover, spin, and dodge…but this time she doesn’t know what the hell is going on.  That’s why she came to her.  Because if she really poisoned Kelly, that would be fine, it’s just not remembering it that’s the problem.

 

This is a hoot, peach, because it's Phyllis, in a nutshell.  I guess I like mean,crazy people because I am really enjoying this storyline.  You are catching up fast - thanks so much.

[peacheslatour]

 

Wow, Colin has lots of money, and Devon has no money.  How odd.

Lol.  No shit.

[movinon]

 

“I’m not gonna have you martyr yourself for a blind man.”  Hilary’s eyes almost bug out.  TRUST HER, that is NOT what she’s doing, she says guiltily.  Neil says the last thing he wants is for her to coddle him and protect him. He’s stronger than that.  Please, trust him enough to tell him.  Okay…there is…something.  I’ve been martyring myself on top of Devon.

I  thought someone would jump on this one for sure, but so far, nothing.  I can't let it go un-celebrated, because it's too good.  I've read this recap three times now, and this funny cracks me up every time.  Go-peach!

[Petunia13]

Dylan in a rage.

You're including screen caps now?

[peach]

Wed, Jan 28  Was It Something I Said?

 

Phyllis barges in Victor’s office.  “We need to TALK,” she snarls.  “What’s this about?” asks bored Victor.  “This is about you rushing my recovery for your own selfish reasons!  You know what I did?”  Victor doesn’t giveadamn what she did.  Well, she’s going to tell him anyway.  “I poisoned Kelly Andrews.  I could’ve killed her.”  If she has a problem with Kelly Andrews, he suggests she go see Jack.  “You know, when you were in a coma, he was playing around with her.  I got you out of that coma, so you could see what was going on.” 

 

Please.  He hired Dr. Cutler because he just wanted Sharon’s Secret.  “You did not care if rushing my recovery PUT ME IN DANGER!”  Along with the rest of Genoa City.  Eh, maybe she’s right.  Maybe the treatment did cause her some mental anguish.  “Maybe…it’s a good idea if you GO BACK into a coma!”  He springs out of his chair and jabs a needle in her hand!  Omg, he’s pretty quick for an old guy!  Phyllis screams her head off like a maniac!  AAAHHHHHH!!!! 

 

Phyllis bolts awake on her couch, clutching her hand.  It was all a crazy dream.  I enjoyed it very much.

Jack asks Billy to keep an eye on things around Jabot for the next few days.  He needs to focus on Phyllis, as she’s not quite herself lately.  Billy says no problem, he pretty much blindly runs marketing, fashion, and R&D right now anyway.  Jack says he doesn’t know what’s causing her erratic behavior, he’s trying to find someone who specializes in traumatic brain injury in psycho bitches.  “Gabe” comes in with a report and thanks Billy for last night.  “Last night??” asks Jack, as if he doesn’t have enough problems.  Yeah, Billy met Gabe and his girlfriend at the club last night.  Jack didn’t realize you had a girlfriend, Gabe.

 

Chelsea runs into Wolfman Nick at the club.  He asks how her fall line is going?  She smirks.  “You mean regarding my new employee?”  Ya got him, Noah did tell him Sharon’s working for her.  Chelsea says she’s determined to prove she can hold down a job while caring for her daughter.  “We’ll see how that goes,” says smug Nick.  Look, Chelsea doesn’t want to take sides, she just hopes they can work it out without hurting Faith.  Meanwhile, she’ll just coach Sharon on going to the mattresses against Newman scum like you. 

 

Haughty Nick says Sharon’s the one putting Faith on the stand.  Well, she doesn’t want to lose her kid, idiot, and as a mother, she can understand going to extreme measures to make sure that doesn’t happen.  “Still, making Faith testify she saw a woman going around half-dressed is going too far.”  Waah.  “Well, if it’s true…”  Nick bitches that it’s NOT true, but Sharon’s determined to take this lie about Sage public, and she doesn’t care who it hurts.  Sage listens from around the corner!

 

Abby’s wearing an adorable black and white striped, collared sweater.  She has the name for the fragrance from the marketing department.  It’s not Cosby??  No, wait for it…HEX.  Ashley likes it!  It’s short, it’s memorable, which might be important when you’re altering brain chemistry for nefarious purposes. IT WORKS!  They look at packaging ideas.  They’re interrupted by a buzz at the door.  Abby looks through the window…and sees badges from the Environmental Security Bureau!!  I guess the EPA is trademarked?

 

Stitch walks Victoria back to the Newman Chancellor offices.  Blah flirt blah.  She has to get Katherine to the nursery.  “Busy day?” asks Stitch.  Well, you know Dad, always working at work.  He likes to keep things interesting.

 

Two ESB agents march in with boxes and a court order to shut down Jabot’s lab.  “Unlawful use of an endangered tree root to manufacture a fragrance.  Procurement a threat to the Central American rainforest??” reads Ashley.  There must be some misunderstanding, they are NOT using endangered tree root!  Abby says this is an environmentally friendly lab!  Look how pretty it is!  Save it for the judge.  They’re seizing all samples and lab notes.  Ashley’s in shock.  She knows who’s behind this, and he’s not getting away with it!

 

Christine walks in Paul’s office with some case files he wanted.  “And yet, there’s no file on Phyllis,” she says pointedly.  Paul says there’s not enough evidence to arrest Phyllis.  So freaking MAKE SOME.  “So she just walks again?” snaps Chris.  Paul actually says, “Look, Chris, I know you’ve never gotten over the fact that Phyllis ran us over with a car.”  Lol   YA THINK?!  “I hope you haven’t either,” she says angrily.  

 

Hey, Kelly Andrews won’t cooperate, and there’s no evidence Phyllis was even in possession of antifreeze.  What?  Everyone who owns a car is in possession of antifreeze, PAUL, has he even questioned her??  “What, do you think she’s going to tell me she’s guilty?” asks Paul.  Well, I guess they don’t do a lot of questioning around there, then.  Chris has had it.  If he’s not going to get a confession out of her, then SHE WILL.  Chris, Chris, getting upset like this isn’t good for the baby.  She’s like, omg, don’t do that.  She can manage her pregnancy and going after Phyllis at the same time.  Okay, okay.  “You be the DA, and let ME handle the police work.”  He grabs his coat to leave.  “Paul…NAIL her.  Or I will.”

 

Jack looks at Adam’s tablet.  “Very comprehensive report, Gabe.”  With all the time he’s put in on Chelsea’s marketing campaign, he wouldn’t think he had time for a girlfriend.  Who is she?  Her name is Sage.  “She seems really nice,” says Billy.  Gabe laughs that Billy sounds surprised.  Well, she helped Billy see another side of him.  “Throw that in with your strong dislike of The Mustache, and I’m beginning to think I misjudged you, Gabe.”  Adam grins with satisfaction.  Jack’s like, are you kidding me with this shit? 

 

His phone rings.  It’s Ashley!  She tells him the ESB agents shut them down and confiscated all the files and samples of the fragrance!  She’s freaking out.  She’s worked for over a year on this, and it’s her best shot for getting her title back as Co-CEO, a title she NEVER should have lost!  Jack’s on his way!  He sends Billy instead, so he can make some phone calls to see what’s going on.  And GABE, stick around.  You’re about to get a good talking to.

 

Ashley stomps out of the lab.  She’s going to take back what’s hers!

 

One of the ESB agents puts a blue vial on Victor’s desk.  “We are even, Mr. Newman.” So, he’s sure this is Ashley’s new fragrance?  He’d stake his reputation on it.  “Your reputation ain’t gonna be worth much after this,” says Victor, “but thank you for your sentiment.”  Aw, the agent hangs his head.  He leaves.  Victor muses over the Jabot vial. 

 

Nick tells Chelsea if Sharon thinks this is going to make him back off, it’s not.  They notice Sage.  She didn’t mean to eavesdrop!  She’s so sorry if she caused any problems for Shick.  “It’s not your fault,” Nick coos.  “It’s just Sharon using Faith’s imagination to try and hurt my case.”  Chelsea’s like hold up.  She didn’t realize you two knew each other.  “It’s funny, you never mentioned it last night when we were having drinks,” says Chelsea.  Was she supposed to introduce herself as a friend of Nick Newman?  But Chelsea correctly senses something’s up here.

 

Sage waves it off, she’s just Nick’s friend, there’s nothing really to tell.  They giggle about her just SAVING HIS LIFE from a bear trap, amirite?  Chelsea’s like, a bear trap?  Is that for real?  Oh, it was real, giggle giggle, hee hee.  “So Faith saw you two…acting like this?” asks Chelsea.  Yep!  We are totally disgusting.  “Ohhh, okay, cuz I can understand how she would…misconstrue what she saw.”  Cuuuz Chelsea's misconstruing it right now.  Sage says they’re JUST friends.  “I’m sure your boyfriend will happy to hear that.  Make sure you tell Gabriel I said hello,” Chelsea smiles bitchily, and walks away.  Hmm, someone’s a weensy bit jelly concerning gorgeous Gabe.  Plus Nick is a jerk.

 

Sooo, Gabriel’s her boyfriend??  Ummmm, no.  Were they on a date?  Not exactly.  Then what exactly IS Gabriel to Sage?  She opts for hiding in plain sight.  “My husband.”  Nick’s like…oooookay.  “You are MARRIED to Gabe??”  Sage says it’s not what he thinks.  “If you know what I’m thinking, you’re way ahead of me.”  Word.  She admits it’s a marriage of convenience.  Nick thinks a loveless marriage sounds more INconvenient.  Well, Constance stipulated he had to be married to receive his inheritance. 
Ahh, Gabe needed a stable influence to keep him from blowing through all his money.  Yep, Constance knew he was reckless (see: The Juliet Incident).  So to help her old friend out, she agreed to marry him?  Yep, selfless Sage is helping out a friend in return for a jillion dollars.  “Why keep that a secret?” asks Nick.  BECAUSE IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  I mean, so they can both be free, hint hint.  “Free to have a relationship with someone we really care about,” she says earnestly.

 

Phyllis mopes around and holds her bandaged hand.  Then Paul scares the CRAP out of her by appearing in the background.  Mrs. Martinez let him in.  “Well, I’ll have to talk to her about that.”  So, is this visit personal or professional?  “I guess that depends on how you answer my questions.”

 

Jack says he’s going to need a score card to keep track of all of Adam’s lies.  First he wants Jack to keep his identity secret so he can win Chelsea back, now he has a GIRLFRIEND?  Adam explains that Sage is the woman who helped him after the accident.  OH, you mean helped him steal another man’s life.  Well, geez, Jack, he wasn’t using it.  Sage arranged for all his surgeries, nursed him back to health, and convinced Constance he was her grandson.  Well, he left out the fact that they’re DATING.  Get real, it’s just a ruse to convince Chelsea he’s not stalking her.  Does he really think that’s going to work?  It’s ALREADY working, says Adam.  They were hanging out with Billy and Chelsea last night.  It also helped that he and Billy could bond over their Victor hatred.  “How convenient that Gabriel also despises Victor,” complains Jack. Doesn’t everyone?  “Sometimes things just fall into your lap,” shrugs Adam. 

 

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Adam!”  It’s GABRIEL, and it’s a game he’s winning.  WINNING!  He’s already put Chelsea at ease, now all he has to do is get her to fall in love with him.  And he’s so sure he can make that happen?  Totally.  It happened before, it’ll happen again!  “She’s in love with MY BROTHER now,” argues Jack.  No, she THINKS she’s in love with him.  “When he goes back to Victoria, which he WILL, and we both know that, she’ll realize that I’M the man for her.”

 

Ashley shows up at Victor’s office.  She knows he was behind that phony raid, which means he has at least one ESB agent in his pocket!  Now where is her sample?!  Victor plays dumb in a taunting manner.  “You stole it!  Corporate espionage, patent infringement, those are very serious offenses, Victor!”  He would be insulted if this weren’t so absurd!  Ha, he knows DAMN WELL she was working on something revolutionary!  “For your information, we here at Newman Chancellor have been working on our own organic compound, WITHOUT endangered tree root, and we were successful.”  He pulls her vial out of his desk, only now it has a Newman Chancellor label on it.  “Here it is,” he says, smirking.

 

“That’s MY fragrance,” says Ashley quietly.  Ah, but THIS one is environmentally safe, which means they’ll get government approval for it quickly.  Ash says he knows DAMN WELL she wasn’t using any tree root!  Oh, really, so she was lying to him, then.  “So in other words, the ESB agents think the lies you spread are fact.  Not good.”  Ashley is FURIOUS!  GIVE HER BACK HER SAMPLE! Victoria walks in, and hears Victor say THIS fragrance was developed at Newman Chancellor.  “Tell her, Victoria.”

 

Ashley takes the sisterhood angle.  She tells Victoria they both have very strong men in their lives, men who want them to play by THEIR rules.  For her, it’s her worshipful, doting father, for Ashley it’s her brother.  “Sweetheart, JackAbbott may be holding Ashley back, but I have all the confidence in you,” says Victor.  “As long as you do things HIS way,” says Ashley, “Jack’s the same way.”  She has every right to be Co-CEO of Jabot, but he won’t give her that title until she proves herself, which she is determined to do.  Just like Vicky is, because she wants the power and authority she DESERVES.  “We can be just as successful as these men, Victoria, all we have to do is respect each other.  Please, just respect me and tell me the truth.”  Hmm, well, Vicky’s pretty successful being spoiled by Daddy.

 

“Victoria, this is not some support group, this is business.  Family business,” reminds Victor.  Vicky takes a breath, and says they have been working on a new fragrance for a while, and they plan to release it at the relaunch of Brash’n’Sassy.   Ashley’s eyes tear up in disappointment.  “You deserve each other,” she says with contempt.  “This isn’t over,” she tells Victor, heading out the door.  “Youhaveaniceday,” he says.  “SCREW YOU!”

 

Victoria picks up the perfume vial.  “Did you steal this from Jabot?” she asks quietly.  Hey, she asked him to find a way to save the Chancellor division.  This could bring in a huge influx of cash, and they can save Katherine’s company.  “At what cost, Dad?”  It was cheap, really, the guy owed him.

 

Billy asks if Abby knows who called the ESB on them.  Well, Ashley tore out of there with a pretty good idea.  Stitch walks in.  “What the hell is going on??”  Billy explains someone told the ESB they were using endangered tree root.  “Where the hell would they get a crazy idea like that—“  Billy and Abby stand shoulder to shoulder with smirky, mean girl faces.   Billy thinks Stitch holding Katie’s baby rattle is pretty damn suspicious. She truly has a silver baby rattle.  He just saw Vick and Katie in the park.  Ya got him, he steals corporate secrets and toys from babies.  Apparently only Billy can trusted around her mother. 

 

Abby gets a text from Ashley that Victor claimed they’ve been working on a fragrance for months.   Of course he did, says Billy.  He hoped Victoria would be a positive influence on him, but clearly he has her doing his dirty work for him.  Stitch gets mad.  Vicky doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with this!  Well, Mom says Vicky’s backing up Victor’s claims.  Did she ever mention this fragrance project?  NO.  But he’s damn well gonna get some answers!  She storms out, and Billy and Abby smirk and roll their eyes.  Stitch is such a noob.

 

Jack scolds Adam and says he can’t expect to come back after all this time and expect things to stay the same.  Things change!!  People change!  Adam’s like, are we talking about me here, or Phyllis?  But some things do change.  “Who would’ve EVER thought that Phyllis and I would have something in common?”  Jack says at least he can help Phyllis with HER new life.  “Well, if Phyllis listens, then THAT’S definitely new.  But you two are still together, right, so that hasn’t changed.”  NEITHER has his inability to take good advice!  Jack, he wants the same thing you do, a life with the woman he loves, that’s all.  “Adam Newman forfeited that right!”  You know what, Adam, get to the lab and HELP Billy with this crisis.  He assumes you CAN work together?  “Um, I’m keeping him out of prison for trying to kill me, I’d say that’s cooperation, wouldn’t you?”  Jack storms out.  “Was it something I said?” calls Adam.

 

Chelsea walks in looking for Jack.  “You know you’re really going to have to stop stalking me,” grins charming Gabe.  Chelsea smiles because Gabe’s just so darn cute!  “I guess I had that coming,” she says.  He doesn’t blame her at all, he does tend to come on a little strong, especially when he wants something.  He wanted to prove to Jack that he’s serious about his job, and it wasn’t a mistake to hire him.  “And Billy?”  Yeah, it’s come to Gabe’s attention that Billy’s not his biggest fan.  Chelsea says his girlfriend is bringing him around.  Seeing Gabe through Sage’s eyes has helped Chelsea understand him better, too.  If somebody else wants you, maybe I should, too.  “Was I really that bad?” jokes Gabe.  Giggle, flirt. 

 

He pours it on THICK about how sometimes a woman brings out the best in a guy.  Changes him in ways he never thought possible, he says, gazing in her eyes.  Leads him toward the good inside…away from the careless, reckless, selfish things that have taken over his life.  Chelsea stares, entranced.  “You wouldn’t think that one person could have that kind of impact on another, but when it happens---“  It’s pretty amazing, says Chelsea, clearing her throat.  Hang onto that, don’t let it slip away, she says all choked up.  “Did I say something?” Gabe asks all pretend confused like.  No, it’s just that…he reminded her of someone.  It’s a gift to have that with someone, don’t take it for granted.  “I won’t,” he says, staring into her soul.  Well, she, uh, better get going.  Adam watches her walk away with feelz.

 

Nick and Sage giggle over having a drink.  He’s okay with her arranged marriage, and thinks it’s pretty cool what she did for Gabe.  Well, as long as NICK is okay with it.  He’s not surprised, because she always seems to be helping people out.  She grins like a fool.  “You make me sound like I’m a saint, or something!”  YOU ARE.  You are a SAINT, until you turn into a WHORE.  But right now she’s still a saint for taking care of Constance, and helping Gabe split a fortune, and pulling a really cool guy out of a bear trap.  So does she do ANYTHING for herself?

 

Victoria leaves Victor’s office and runs into angry Stitch in the hallway.  Don’t try to stop him, Victoria, he’s there to speak to your dad!!  Sounds serious.  Victoria says to talk to HER, it’s HER company, too.  “Ashley TOLD US about the new Brash’n’Sassy product, the one she’s SUPPOSEDLY been working on for months?!”  She can explain!  He’s like, you haven’t been working on ANYTHING.  That raid on their lab was a setup so that N-C could steal their formula!  She wants to go somewhere and talk.  “WHAT is there to talk about?  Your dad HIJACKED my future!”  Trust fund Victoria says this is business, okay, it’s not personal when we commit crimes against our loved ones.  This WASN’T just a job for Stitch, it was a chance for him to start a new life for himself, for THEM!  It’s gone now!  Oh, is that all?  Silly Stitch, it doesn’t have to be GONE, they can still build a life together, just with her money she made stealing your work!  Oh, yeah?  Well, she was forced to choose between him and her father.  “You chose your father.”  DUH.

 

Paul is brave enough to have tea with Phyllis.  So what happened to her hand?  She cut it.  Do you think Ian Ward’s blood came out?  Does she mind if he asks how?  She…lost her temper, broke a vase.  It was a very expensive tantrum.  Hmm, what made her so angry?  Impertinent questions, actually.  “I couldn’t get anyone to believe me that I had nothing to do with harassing Kelly Andrews.  Even the people closest to me.  I think I just wanted to—“  “Harm her?” suggest Paul.  Did she put the antifreeze in Kelly’s tea?  “Did you think it was going to be that easy, Paul?”

 

He laughs, like they’re old pals.  He’s just trying to figure what happened here, and why.  That way he can explain to the DA she tried to kill that she just wasn’t herself.  Well, that’s not gonna make a damn bit of difference because his WIFE, the DA, hates her.  And she’d be very happy to pin this on Phyllis.  She’s just trying to do her job, says Paul.  “She wants me locked up.  She does NOT care that I already lost a year of my life.”  Nope, not a bit.  Phyllis CANNOT spend any more time away from the people she loves, okay?  Ohhh, okay.  No problem.

 

Look, Phyllis, Paul wants to help you out because he REALLY doesn’t hold a grudge, but he can’t do that when she’s not being honest with him.  Phyllis snorts.  She’s been lied to SO MUCH since she got back that she doesn’t know who she can trust.  The chief of police says she can trust HIM, but she has to tell him EVERYTHING.  Hmm, she should probably trust a lawyer right now.  So, tell him what happened between her and Kelly.  “I wanted to let her know that she wasn’t going to get away with making me look like a jealous psychopath.”  And did she?  Kelly invited her to discuss things civilly over tea.  So, they talked, and then Kelly left the table.  “Is that when you poisoned her tea?” asks Paul.

 

“DON’T SAY A WORD,” says Jack, walking in.  Hey, Jack, they’re just talking.  “Really?  Kinda seemed like the chief of police was trying to get a confession without an attorney present.”  Look, if Phyllis doesn’t talk to him, she’s gonna have to— “Face your wife on the stand.  And we both know how she feels about Phyllis.”  Jack also knows without cooperation from Kelly, and no further evidence, he can’t press charges.  “We’ll see,” says Paul.  He leaves.  “What is happening!” says Phyllis desperately.  “First Sharon, then Kelly, now Christine??  It’s like they want to keep me AWAY from you!”  Right, the DA is just trying to keep you away from Jack.  It has nothing to do with poisoning people.  Jack won’t let them!  He promises!

 

Sage tells Nick she had a foot massage last week.  Not good enough!  Hero Nick is going to treat her to an entire day at the spa!  She deserves it.  She loves the attention, but says, “I’m not as selfless as you think.”  In comes Gabriel.  He grabs her by the face and kisses her.  Thanks for keeping his girlfriend company.  Yep, and just so you know, Nickster’s okay with the arrangement.  Sage filled him in on everything.  “Good old Bingo, you just never change.  There’s always a beautiful woman to bail you out,” he says enviously.  He just hopes he knows what a lucky guy he is.  See ya, Bingo!  Sage sort of hides her face in her hands.  “What the hell was that?” snaps Adam.  "He knows," shrugs Sage.  Knows what?  “I told him we were married,” she says, like it’s no big deal.  “You did WHAT??”

 

Billy’s on the phone filing an official complaint, you guys.  Ashley gets back.  Abby says Stitch swears he knows nothing about any fragrance Victoria’s been working on.  As much as she hates to say it, she thinks he’s telling the truth. Ashley wants to believe him.  “Yeaaah, since he’s always been such an honest guy,” snipes BILLY ABBOTT.  Abby gives him a look.  Come on, he lied to protect his mom, who’s to say he wouldn’t do the same thing for Victoria?!  Who would Vicky need protection from?  Only Victor.  Well, that doesn’t even make sense.  Billy’s going to check in with legal.  Ashley says if Vicky has to choose between Stitch and her father, she feels sorry for Stitch.  Abby agrees.  “Because with us Newmans, blood is thicker than love.” 

 

Victoria tells Stitch she knows this looks bad.  Oh, you mean your dad stealing his formula that he’s been working on for months and then YOU backing him up that it’s theirs.  YEAH, that looks kinda bad!  Stitch, it’s just that her dad likes to [commit felonies] bend the rules when it comes to business, that’s all, she says soothingly.  Everybody knows that!  But Stitch didn’t expect this from her!  She was JUST telling him how frustrated she was that her dad doesn’t take her seriously, and now she’s LYING for him?  “For you, it’s really simple.  But for rotten, rich people like me, it’s really, really complicated.”  Stitch says it’s complicated for him, too!  “I love you Victoria, but this?  This isn’t you.  You’re better than this.”  NO, SHE ISN’T.  He leaves.

 

Victoria stomps back in Victor’s office.  “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”  What’s the matter, sweetheart?  “I just lied to the man that I love,” she fumes.  Yeah, and?  “For what? A vial of perfume?  A greater profit margin?  The chance to one-up Jack?!”  YES.  Isn’t it great?  “Dad, it’s not our product!”  Victor is annoyed.  She’s making what is business, personal.  She is SICK  of hearing that! 

 

“Now let me teach you a lesson, K?  If you want to function in the corporate world, you better play by its rules.  ESPIONAGE is part of it, whether YOU like it or not!  It’s a dirty fact of business.  DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I BUILT THIS DAMNED EMPIRE WITHOUT STEPPING ON A FEW TOES?!”  Well, if this is how they do business, then count Victoria out.  “I don’t want any part of it,” except for the dividends.

 

Billy meets up with Chelsea for banter and kissing.  She came to see Jack, but bumped into Gabe.  Shocker, says Billy.  Gabe told her about his sweet feelz for Sage.  She didn’t realize he felt so close to her.  The closer the better, as far as jealous Billy is concerned.  “I’m not really sure she feels the same way,” worries Chelsea.  Well, she seemed pretty chummy at dinner last night.  “I just saw with her Nick earlier, and let’s just say she seemed even chummier with him.”  Ick.

 

“What were you thinking telling my brother we were married?” Adam asks Sage.  Oh, so it’s okay for him to tell Chelsea and Billy they’re dating, but she can’t tell Nick the truth?  Pretty much!  She KNOWS why he told Chelsea that.  Yeah, so she doesn’t think he’s a creepy stalker!  Well, it was working, says Adam.  “Not for me,” snaps Sage.  Explain to Adam how his brother thinking they’re married improves her chances with him?  She told him the truth about doing Bingo a favor to help him collect his inheritance.  “So what happens when my sanctimonious brother goes and tells Chelsea the truth about our marriage?  What happens then?”  I don’t know, says Sage, maybe she’ll think he’s a deceitful, manipulative jerk!  Adam fidgets to control his anger.  “You did this on purpose!  You’re trying to wreck things with Chelsea and me because I made it harder for you to be with Nick!’  Whatever.  Adam leans in.  “What did I tell you about crossing me?”

 

CromagNick watches sternly from across the bar while Adam points his finger in Sage’s face very much like an abusive boyfriend.  His brow lowers. 

 

Stitch gets back to the lab.  He tells Ashley he had as much to lose as she did!  Even if he didn’t, he wouldn’t betray her after she gave him a chance to start over!  She knows he wouldn’t.  Well, SOMEONE told Victor the endangered tree root story was bull, says Abby.  Ash says it’s like he was standing RIGHT THERE when they talked about it!  They all stare!  Omg!  They start searching, and Stitch finds the listening device in three seconds.  Ashley dumps it in a beaker.  Bastard!

 

Phyllis rubs her hand.  “Do you think I’m crazy?” asks Phyllis.  “No crazier than you’ve ever been,” says Jack.  “Paul thinks I tried to kill Kelly.”  Jack says there is NO way she’s going to be punished for what happened to Kelly.  Christine is not going to let this go, Jack!  “YOU are not the guilty party.”  Does Jack think she poisoned Kelly?  Whatever happened, it was NOT her fault!  VICTOR subjected her to coma juice knowing about potential side effects, and he went ahead.  If anyone is to blame here, it is VICTOR.  And HE is going to PAY!

 

Sweetheart, business is about making difficult decisions, says Victor.  She just made one, and if Stitch is as close to her as she says, then he will understand how they stabbed him in the back.   “Maybe he will, but I won’t,” says Vicky.  She’ll change her mind fast when the profits come rolling in.  “You’re not listening to me.  I can’t work like this!  I can’t live like this!  And I won’t let my children live like this, either, INCLUDING Katherine!”  What is she saying?  “If this is how things are gonna be, then she is not going to be part of your life, Dad.  I’ll raise her as an ABBOTT!”  That’s exactly how she’ll be christened!  GASP!  “You don’t mean that!”  She DOES mean it. 

 

“Everyone will be there tomorrow to welcome Katherine Rose ABBOTT into the family.  Everyone but YOU.”  “You can’t be serious!”  Very serious.  GIVE ASHLEY BACK HER FRAGRANCE!  Or this little vial will be the ONLY legacy he ever has.  She storms out.  Victor seems impressed.  Guess it’s back to flattening Crimson Lights, then.

[movinon]

 

Chelsea’s like, a bear trap?  Is that for real?  Oh, it was real, giggle giggle, hee hee.  “So Faith saw you two…acting like this?” asks Chelsea.  Yep!  We are totally disgusting.  “Ohhh, okay, cuz I can understand how she would…misconstrue what she saw.”  Cuuuz Chelsea's misconstruing it right now.

Love this one, peach.  Chelsea sounds like an adult trying have an intelligent conversation with two teenagers on pot.  And I don't even like Chelsea.  Amazing job, as usual.

[ByTor]

Seriously, movinon, if they don't stop this I might actually be forced into liking Chelsea!

[photo fox]

First Chelsea's giving good advice to Sharon, now she's treating Nick like the idiot he is... what's next? Maybe dump some hard truth on the Winters family? Bring it on!

[peacheslatour]

First Chelsea's giving good advice to Sharon, now she's treating Nick like the idiot he is... what's next? Maybe dump some hard truth on the Winters family? Bring it on!

Maybe she could do us all a favor and run over Summer.  Repeatedly

[peach]

Thurs, Jan 29   Driven To Extremes

 

It's christening day, and Summer and Nick blather in the church and I hate them, but I will try to force myself through it.  First, Summer should not be wearing that horrible, tomato red dress with elbow length sleeves, and should NEVER wear tiny bows as accents.  That might look cute on Abby, though. 

 

Austin didn’t come because he has to start shooting his commercial today.  Nick is SO GLAD that Austin is SO RESPONSIBLE.  “Too many people just do whatever they want and damn the consequences,” he mopes.   But not multiple felon Austin.  Or Super Girl.  Or Hero Nick.  Just “girls like Sharon” do that.  Summer says it must be hard for poor Nick being back in the same church where her Mom kept Shick from getting all the way to the altar.  But let’s not talk about Nick’s tragedy when they are there to celebrate the birth of a daughter, which he knows firsthand is the greatest thing ever.  That’s why he lied about it to Jack for 18 years.  They hug.  Okay, I’m already exhausted, and it’s been one minute.

 

Stitch and Chelsea arrive separately.  Billy and Chelsea are back at the house.  They pretend they’re both totally confident and solid in their relationships, and this special day doesn’t scare the crap out of them at all.  Stitch says the two of them will have to take a back seat today, because today is about what only Billy and Victoria can share.  Taking a back seat is what got you this far, Stitch, don’t knock it.

 

Billy and Victoria blather about how amazing everyone and everything is.  His mom can’t come because she has a cold.  Okay.  And Reed and Traci are stuck in a snowstorm.  But at least everyone else that matters will be there, right?  Vicky is sad.  “Well, not quite everyone.”

 

Nikki is shouting at Victor in his office.  “So you’re not going to your granddaughter’s christening, that’s GREAT!”  The reason he isn’t going is because his invitation was rescinded, he says calmly.  He’s merely following his daughter’s wishes.  RIGHT, her wishes are that he would apologize for what he did to her boyfriend.  Did he think Vicky wasn’t going to tell her about it?!  That was a business matter, sweetheart, Victoria really should have left that at the office.  Just like he should have left it at the office that he asked her to lie to the man she’s in a relationship with!  “He works for THE DAMN COMPETITION!”  Nikki doesn’t care if he works for the KGB!  VICTOR NEEDS to return whatever he stole from them! 

 

“I didn’t steal adamnthing.”  Personally, no, he NEVER DOES.  But that doesn’t mean he’s not guilty!  Just like what he did with Nicholas, hiring Mariah to haunt Sharon.  That was CHARMING.  “It worked, didn’t it?  I saved him.”  Saved him from what?  PAIN?  Because he’s miserable now!  “I SAVED HIM FROM THE DISASTER CALLED SHARON!”  What about turning Dylan’s life upside down over a piece of property? And he’s about to do it to his daughter, too.  “And you wonder why you drive me to such extremes!”  Whoa…what extremes? 

 

Ashley and Jack are getting ready at the Abbott manse.  She says she’s got security going over the footage to find out who bugged the lab.  Duh, Tobias obviously did it.  Jack says they will be held accountable, but even so, Victor might already have his hands on the formula.  If he gets this to market before they do--  “Then we might as well not even bother with ours.”  Good thing Pepsi didn’t take that attitude.  Does Victor even know what this stupid fragrance does?  They’ll just have to speed up the rollout.  She has to rush off to the church.  “Believe me, Victor’s not going to win!” she says.  That’s the attitude Jack wants!

 

Phyllis comes schlepping downstairs.  Her hair’s not even did.  She doesn’t want to go because she’s in a funk over maybe poisoning Kelly.  Jack says there is NO evidence to prove that.  What is he saying?  That he doesn’t think she did it, or that she’s smart enough to cover her tracks?  He’s saying that whatever happened [you totally did it] they will get to the bottom of it and [get you off] make things right.  Now come on, his niece is being christened, and he wants the woman he loves by his side.  “What if that woman isn’t here anymore, Jack?  Can you honestly say you love what I’ve become?”  If he loved the original version, I’d say there’s no problem.

 

Avery helps working man Dylan tie his tie.  He’s not really the suit wearing type.  Yeah, but when he does, WOW, says Avery.  As in, WOW, that is the most generic suit ever.  She really wishes she could go to the christening with him, but she has a super important meeting today.  It might be the only opportunity she has to..nail down this testimony.

 

Dylan leaves, and Avery calls Joe.  She’s considered his proposal, and will meet him at his suite NOW.  Wait, he asked for one night.  She can’t do that, but Dylan’s tied up for the day, so she can do it now.  Take it or leave it.  Okay, then.  He’ll see her soon so she can nail him down.

 

Johnny’s super cute.  Billy thinks of Delia.  Forever in our hearts, etc.  Vicky promises he’ll have a special relationship with Katie.  He’s glad they made this all work out.  Vicky hangs all over him and says they’ll always be equal partners in parenting, especially when she sees what Shick is going through, partly at her instigation.  Blah blah, Billy tells us again he’s greatest dad, even Victor has to concede that.  Doubtful, but she says Victor doesn’t GET a vote.  She cut him out of Katherine’s life.

 

Nikki explains the EXTREMES she’s been driven to, she’s been driven to the guest room!  Which is probably pretty nice.  Just like he drove Nicholas away, and how he’s going to drive Victoria away!  “I AM DOING WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE!”  That’s his excuse for everything!  Victor frowns.  “You want to pick a fight, don’t you?  I have no time for that!!  SHOW YOURSELF OUT!”  She WILL!  GOOD!  Then he shows himself out.  He makes a call in the hallway.  “This is Victor Newman.  You know what to do?”

 

Nikki pours herself a drink and stands there angrily with her hand on her hip.  She yells at Kay Chancellor’s picture for a minute.  She tried to stop, SHE DID STOP, but then everything just went wrong again!  Bottoms up!  She yells at Kay some more, and says this is JUST to get her through the day. She’s GOING to stop.  TOMORROW!

 

Avery’s at the police station, where she and Michael don’t tell each other shit about what they have going on, as usual.  She expects to have her “case” settled by the end of the day.  He heads out, and Avery is glad to hear Paul is also out so she can confer with Kevin without him knowing.  Ooo, Kevin likes the sound of this.  She wants a body wire.  “Look at you, going all rogue,” he grins.  Well, she will DO ANYTHING to get this man’s confession on tape and out of her life.   She could probably just use her smart phone.  “A real creeper, huh?” asks Kevin.  Who is he?  “My ex-husband.”

 

Jack assures Phyllis she is the woman he will always love.  They will find a treatment to combat the coma juice!  He will settle for nothing less!  She came back to him against all odds, he’s not about to lose her again.  So, will she come to the christening?  She is so ready to take on the future, except for that.  She’s exhausted and wants to sit this boring crap out.  Okay, rest and don’t worry.  He leaves.  She texts someone and says I NEED TO SEE YOU RIGHT AWAY.

 

Kevin wires up Avery.  As long as she keeps her top button closed, no one will see it.   Trust her, she is NOT opening it.  With only a couple buttons undone, she’s practically dressed as a nun today.  Kevin can hear her with his magic laptop and earbuds.  She appreciates him doing this so she has professional quality results.  Does he want her to listen and make sure she’s safe?  Mmm, no, she’ll just pick up the recording later.  But if Joe's really behind the attacks against Dylan, what might he do to HER if he finds out she’s entrapping him?  Something involving kissing and slapping.  Then what makes her think he’ll just confess to her??  “Because I know my ex-husband, and I know a way to convince him,” she says, flouncing out.  Well, Kevin’s TOTALLY going to listen to THAT.

 

Joe’s suit has a lot more WOW in it than Dylan’s.  He gets champagne brought to his suite and tips the servant so he and his guest are not disturbed.  He looks around his room and smirks with satisfaction.

 

Michael comes over to visit Phyllis.  As self-involved as she is, she does want to know how he’s doing and how treatment is going.  He’s not glowing in the dark yet.  She’s glad he can joke about it, but her own sense of humor is lacking at the moment.  She didn’t invite him there as a friend.  “What I need is a lawyer.”

 

Jack arrives at the church.  He tells Nick and Summer that Phyllis is staying home because she’s “tired.”  It’s the after effect of the treatment Victor forced on her.  They’re just now learning that she didn’t come away…untouched.  Nikki has come in, also, and is listening in the foyer.  She stands behind a potted plant, and listens to all the guests come in, reciting a litany of Victor’s sins, montage style.  Abby, Ashley, and Stitch complain about him stealing from them.  Nick whines about Sharon forcing Faith to testify against him.  Dylan tells Stitch that the robbery was just a threat to make him give in to the redevelopment project. 

 

Nikki can’t take it, and runs outside to swig some vodka out of a water bottle she had in her purse.  She gets interrupted by the arrival of Victoria and Billy with the baby.  Vicky has a pretty, silver, dressy trench coat on.  They all go inside and greet Chels and Stitch and everyone.  And there’s…Dr. Evil, says Billy.  They all turn and glare at Victor, who’s smugly smiling at them.  “Dad, what are you doing here?” asks Victoria.  “I came for my granddaughter’s christening.  Any objections?”  Katie and Johnny can’t even.

 

Chelsea whispers to Jack that she’s having déjà vu.  “Yeah, a reminder of Connor’s christening.  You can always count on The Black Knight to show up where he’s not wanted.”  Jack gets a call and walks away.  Victoria tells Victor they talked about this yesterday.  He wasn’t supposed to come.  “Please don’t cause any trouble,” says Nikki.  He has no intention of doing that, K?  “Just like you had no intention of causing trouble at Jabot?!” snaps Ashley with angry, folded arms.  “Siccing those agents on us to shut us down?”  He says she seems to think she has far more influence with the government than he actually does (see:  Bonaventure)

 

“YOU were behind that, and you know it.  You made sure an entire year’s worth of work, our FUTURE, has been compromised.”  Well, that was kind of the point.  But Jack tells her to take it easy.  He just spoke to the ESB.  They have no issue with their product and are returning all their stuff.  “Well, I’llbedamned,” says Victor.  “Back to business.  All this animosity for nothing.”  Now, if they’ve cleared this up, he’d like to take a seat.  Victoria is overjoyed.  Of course, Dad. 

 

Blah christening blah.

 

Michael’s like, you really believe this, Phyllis?  Just because her brain chemistry is OFF, it doesn’t mean she suddenly turned into some kind of-  “Jealous, vindictive woman?  That would do ANYTHING to hold onto her man, including send her competition into the grave?”  “Well…you were always that,” says Michael.  She is SERIOUS here!  But Kelly ISN’T her competition, says Michael.  She and Jack are getting married, so she has no REASON to go after her.  “Let’s say I tried.  If I’m tried and convicted, what would my punishment be?”  You have to be a bartender at The Underground.  But Michael says she could be put away for life!  Especially if HE’S her lawyer. 

 

Avery shows up at Joe’s suite.  He offers her champagne.  Just so they’re clear, she’s only there because she loves Dylan and wants to keep him safe.  “If THIS is what it takes—“  Joe frowns.  That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?  “After what you’ve done?” frowns Avery.  Look, Joe admits he wasn’t the best husband.  Wait, she’s talking about what he did to DYLAN.  She wants it to stop, so let’s just get this over with.  “Is that what you think this is all about?  I invited you here to have sex with me??”  She’s like, um, are you telling me that’s not on your mind?  Honestly, it’s pretty much on his mind. 

 

She sits down and he takes her down sexy memory lane, about all their romantic times at the Savoy, and in Tokyo.  They vowed to make love on seven different continents, and they still have four to go.  Maybe skip Antarctica.  He’s holding out hope that maybe one day… She’s like, what do you mean, one day?  What he’s doing to Dylan has to stop.  Wait, he thinks there’s been some miscommunication here.  “YOU SAID you would make the hurting go away!”  He meant HER hurt!  Not stupid Dylan’s! 

 

Kevin can’t resist anymore, and puts his earbuds in so he can listen to Avery.  “Let me prove to you, that I’m the man you once loved,” says Joe.  He has something for her.  He opens a jewelry box with a big ole diamond and pearl necklace inside it.  It’s the necklace she saw in a boutique on their honeymoon in Paris.  He couldn’t afford it for her then, but the moment he could, he went back and got it.  He’s had it ever since in the hopes that maybe--  “I can’t accept that, Joe.”  At least put it on so he can see how it looks.  Indulge him, please.   Okay.  He says it really should lay flat against her neck, maybe they should open a button or two, or five if she’s going for her usual look.  Oh noes!  Kevin gets worried! 

 

“Prison?” says Phyllis.  “I should have stayed in a coma.”  Imagine getting a second chance and having it snatched away!  Michael thinks she’s getting ahead of herself.  Hey, PAUL already questioned her about the poisoning!  If Christine gets wind of this, she will WIPE THE FLOOR with Phyllis!  Michael says she can’t do ANYTHING without proof, that he will probably give her if he sees it sitting around your house.   “She’s been waitin’ TWENTY YEARS for a piece of me.  You think she’s gonna give up the chance to make me pay??”  No, Michael admits, I guess not.  So what now?

 

Blah christening blah.  No man is an island.  Jack and Abby accept their charge as godparents.  Jack gives her a red rose to symbolize the (Abbott) family bloodline.  They will set an example for her life.   Abby gives her a white rose to symbolize purity and innocence and the hope of a life above reproach.  Good luck with that.  The pastor hands them a pink rose, because they joined together and created the miracle of life, a bud about to open.  Vicky tells Katie she has a world of possibilities, and your dad and I are going to work together to help you realize all of your dreams.  Chelsea gives this the side eye.  Billy says they will love, honor, nurture, blah blah her, whether you want us to or not, kid!  Ha..ha.  Nikki’s trying not to pass out.  Lord, help these two make good decisions.  Let us welcome Katherine Rose Abbott Newman.  

 

Chelsea tells Billy it was a beautiful service and she’s happy for him.  He says this is a collaboration, and she’s a big part of it.  Vicky and Stitch bond or something.  Victor comes over to see the sweet little baby. “Congratulations,” he says.  She thanks him for putting family before business.  “I always do,” he says, “although some people don’t seem to believe me.”

 

Summer rushes off, and Noah says she just had an important errand to run.  She probably has to go check up on Austin at his new job.  Nikki hopes she’s alright.  Nick hopes BOTH his daughters are going to be alright.   This christening really hit home for him.   He has a lot to lose.  Nikki hears Sharon is putting Faith on the stand.  Is there any chance she’ll change her mind?  Not likely, since Nick isn’t going to.  He leaves.

 

“That was a good day, wasn’t it, Jack?” says Victor.  Because he managed to pull Victoria back into the fold?  Ashley can only assume that the threat of losing his daughter and granddaughter was worse than losing to Jabot.  “I don’t lose to anyone, Ashley,” he smiles, and walks away.  Abby says he always has to have the last word.  “He won’t this time,” says Ashley.

 

Dylan interrupts Ashley.  He knows she dated Joe Clark for awhile, how well does she know him?  She says not very, it wasn’t serious or anything.  “Well, you should keep it that way,” says bossy Dylan.  Is this about the warehouse project?  No.  Joe Clark isn’t just a shrewd businessman…he’s dangerous.  Says the guy who screamed he would kill him for realz.

 

Joe tries to adjust the necklace on Avery right near her wire button.  You know what, NO!  She won’t wear his necklace, and she won’t be enjoying his champagne or anything else he’s offering!  “YOU GOT ME HERE UNDER FALSE PRETENSES!” she yells.  He’s like there WERE NO pretenses, false or otherwise.  She just got the wrong impression!  She grabs her coat.  He says all he wanted was for them to let their guard down and be the people they were when they first met.  They used to be so lighthearted about everything!  When was the last time Avery really laughed?  She stares at him.  She doesn’t ever laugh.  Waaah!  Dylan makes ME laugh quite a bit.  Avery says this was a mistake.  It accomplished nothing!  She runs out the door!  He holds the necklace.  “That’s where you’re wrong.”

 

Michael hugs Phyllis and says not to give up hope, because she has a rather brilliant attorney on her side.  Huh, I wonder who?  Summer shows up.  She skipped the reception to check on her.  The ceremony was SO VERY.  She blathers excitedly, and Phyllis gets all weepy about how much she’s grown up and she missed seeing that.  “I know that you will be just fine if I wasn’t around for you, I KNOW that.”  What is she talking about?? Why wouldn’t she be around for her?

 

Abby and Ashley are back in the lab.  It looks like nothing’s missing from their returned samples.  Ash says Victor wouldn’t be so obvious.  “I’m afraid he’s not done yet.”

 

Victor has a syringe with just a drop of the product.  Just enough to have his chemists analyze it so they’ll have the formula in no time.

 

Kevin hands Avery a flash drive with the boring audio files on it.  “That was a pretty close call!” he says.  She almost got a necklace!  He knows she told him not to listen in, but the first rule of espionage is always have a backup plan.  Like Kevin’s a super spy.  Avery says it wasn’t successful, unfortunately.  Kevin asks if it’s possible that Joe DIDN’T do this thing she thinks he did?  She says this whole thing was probably a bad idea.  “Well, if you have any more of them, don’t go it alone,” says Kevin, and leaves.

 

She paces around and thinks about Joe asking her the last time she really LAUGHED.  He’d love the chance to see that one day.  Dylan interrupts her thoughts.  He said the christening was perfect except she wasn’t there.  Did her meeting not go well?  “You know, it looks like I’m going to have to interview the person again.”  She can’t get enough.

 

Phyllis brushes Summer off, and says the christening just made her nostalgic for when Summer was a little girl, before she instant aged ten years.  Jack gets home.  Phyllis says not keep Austin waiting on her.  She leaves.  Jack says she looks like she’s doing better.  Yeah, she talked to Michael.  He says they’ll look for a new doctor first thing tomorrow.  Just promise her he will ALWAYS love her.  That’s an easy promise to make, he says.  She has his word.  He’ll ask Mrs. Martinez to make them a late lunch.  He goes in the kitchen, and Phyllis leaves him a note.  Then she grabs some SUITCASES and LEAVES!  Wow.

 

Nikki sags in a chair at Victoria’s and the fearsome foursome bond and make over the baby.  Victoria hopes Stitch doesn’t mind she let her father stay at the christening.  Hey, he doesn’t want to fight with Victor, and he’s blown away she put their relationship over him.  She touches his cheek.  If he didn’t know how important he was to her before, he should now.

 

Nick asks if Nikki is okay.  Of coooourse, sweetheart, I’m fine, she says.  My face is just falling off.  PICTURE TIME!  Chelsea graciously offers to take a bunch of photos.  Vicky wants one of her whole family, and they give NIKKI the baby to hold.  She starts to topple over!!  OMG!  This is extreme!  Billy catches the baby.  That was kind of scary, you guys!!  Victoria’s like, MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

[miamama]

“Let’s say I tried.  If I’m tried and convicted, what would my punishment be?”  You have to be a bartender at The Underground.

 

Brilliant! lol.

[peach]

Fri, Jan 30  Where Do You Keep Your Antifreeze?

 

Omg, Nikki is SO sorry, the baby just SLIPPED right out of her drunken hands.  “Good save,” Stitch tells Billy.  Mom, you JUST told Nick, you were fine, and obviously you’re not.  What’s going on?  Man, these people are STOOPID.  And nose blind.  “I have a problem,” says Nikki.  They all stare.

 

Jill shows up at the ranch.  She tells Victor she’s been fighting a cold, so she and Billy decided she should stay away from the baby.  “So you decided to come here and expose me to your germs.  How charming.” says Victor.  Ha, she figures he’s immune to just about everything at this point.  I mean, he is one of the undead.  Anyway, she’s there to talk business.  She’s drawn up a contract for the sale of Chancellor.  Oh, really?  “Got the rest of the money?”  Not yet, but if she doesn’t have it in 30 days, he keeps the company AND her down payment.  It’s a win-win.  He chuckles heartily.  “So you ask me to tie up my company and trust you.  I don’t.”  She doesn’t trust him either, but it’s only 30 days, Victor. He says a lot of things can happen in a month!  No dice!

 

Sage and “Gabriel” are at the club.  She introduces Mr. Tipton, his grandmother’s estate manager.  Did they have an appointment?  “No, we did not, Mr. Bingham, but this could not wait!” he says testily.  Sage explains that Mr. Tipton found out Gabe put the castle on the market without consulting him.  “With all due respect, it’s my house.  I just bought an apartment in town, and I intend to stalk Chelsea there now.” 

 

Yo, Constance was very specific in her will.  Sage takes Adam’s hand and says he meant THEY were moving in the apartment as husband and wife. Well, obviously that’s what Gabe meant!  When they got married out of the blue, Mr. Tipton was taken aback to say the least!  But if he discovers this is fraudulent in any way, Gabe will lose EVERYTHING.  The money, the house, and this new apartment he seems so anxious to occupy.  “It’s REAL, Mr. Tipton,” insists Sage, “Til death do us part.”  “Looking forward to that,” laughs Gabe.  He looks at Mr. Tipton like maybe it’s time for death to part him from them, too.

 

Jack brings missing Phyllis a fancy sandwich.  But it’s Paul and Christine in his living room instead!  Paul has a warrant.   A judge agreed there is probable cause to search the premises.  They go to work.  Jack finds Phyllis’ note.  “Forgive me.”  WHAT??  He leaves Red a message on her phone.  He doesn’t know what her note was about, but she needs to get home right away!  Seriously?  Run, Red, run!

 

Phyllis is waiting in the park.  Someone shows up.  “Thank you for coming.  I wasn’t sure you would,” Phyllis says quietly.  IT’S KELLY.

 

Paul would like to talk to Phyllis.  “She’s not here.  Neither is her attorney,” snaps Jack.  Then where is she?  He hasn’t a clue.  “We can wait,” says Christine.  “How ‘bout you NOT wait.  Christine, I don’t know what you’re DOING here.  Since when does the DA accompany the police on a search?”  Unless she’s bound and determined to make Phyllis pay for the past?  She stood trial for that hit and run.  What else does she want from her?!  “Hold on, Jack,” says Paul.  They found this can boldly marked ANTI-FREEZE on the property.  (My kid walked by and laughed.)  “It’s ANTI-FREEZE,” says Chris, redundantly.  “The substance found in Kelly Andrews’ system.  The poison that could have KILLED her, Jack.” 

 

Kelly looks kind of awesome in a black trench coat.  She says when she got Phyllis’ message to meet her there, she was NOT going to come.  But curiosity got the better of her.  But all she has to do is press SEND on her phone and it goes straight to 911!  And she told people where she was going!  “Relax,” says Phyllis.  “I am not going to hurt you.”  She has something to say to her…she’s sorry.  “So, are you admitting now…that you tried to poison me with antifreeze?”  Phyllis slightly nods. Or does she?

Michael and Lauren meet at the club bar.  She thinks he’s working too much.  Blah blah.  Live like you’re dyin’.  Jump out of planes, kiss on the top of the Eiffel Tower, or they can even do something good for humanity!  Like build houses for the poor, and Fen and Scotty can help.  Lauren’s like, gross.  She wants to spend time TOGETHER, but this sounds like a BUCKET LIST. 

 

Everyone wants to know what Nikki’s “problem” is.  Umm, uh, waah, um, the truth is…it’s her MS.  Stitch peppers her with annoying medical questions.  That’s okay, her doctor’s taking care of it.  She should just only hold the baby when she’s sitting down.  She’ll see the doctor tomorrow.  She hopes she didn’t ruin everything!  Of course not, Victoria says, hugging and kissing her, yet not smelling any liquor on her.  Nick takes her home. 

 

Vicky asks how worried she should be.  Stitch thinks someone should go to Nikki’s appointments from now on.  Billy and Chelsea leave.  Vicky says besides Grandma nearly killing the baby, it all went great.  Stitch really wants to be a bigger part of her life.  He wants to spend 24 hours a day with her instead of just, like, 18.  They kiss.  Vicky invites him to move in!

 

Sage tells snippy Mr. Tipton that she and Gabriel married for twue wuv, and now that he’s well, they can’t WAIT to spend their life together.  If that’s the case, they won’t mind him stopping by occasionally, unannounced, like he’s defeating terrorism or something.  He huffs away.  “Guy’s a real charmer,” says Adam.  Sage knows he was looking for a place, but he should have TOLD HER before he bought it.  Is he supposed to clear every single thing he does with her??  “Damn right, you are.  Don’t blindside me again!  Like it or not, we’re in this together. So if you bought a new place…it’s my place, too.”  Adam’s like, great.  Well, he has things to take care of, bye.

 

Michael and Lauren blah blah.  They’re going to eat ice cream out of the container.  This is so EMMY worthy.  Jill interrupts.  How’s Michael?  He hates being asked, but he’s doing okay.  But she looks like hell. “I NEVER look like hell,” says Jill, “but IF I did, it would be because of our friend, Victor.”  He refuses to negotiate in good faith for Chancellor.  Lauren says it sounds like that’s it, then.  “It is certainly NOT IT.  If I can’t buy Katherine’s company, I will damn well find a PLAN to TAKE it away from him.”

 

Nick brings Nikki home.  Victor’s sorry he couldn’t be at Victoria’s, but he had some business to take care of, which amounted to drinking a cocktail in an easy chair.  Nikki says everything was fine, she’s going to go change.  She wobbles up the stairs.  Nick tells Victor he’s really worried about her, and Victor should be, too.  MOM ALMOST DROPPED THE BABY.  She says she was woozy from a Mostly Sauced flareup.  Victor thinks she might need to go to the hospital!  But…does Nick really think it was her MS?  Nick grimaces.

 

Stitch is really surprised Victoria wants to live together.  They just got back together!  She says it seems like the next, logical step.  Nothing in the world would make him happier than waking up with Vicky every day, but there’s a lot to consider.  Well, yeah, the kids first and foremost, but Johnny thinks he’s swell.  Give her one good reason they shouldn’t go for it!  “Your ex, for one thing.”  What does Billy have to do with it?  Well, he’s pretty damn annoying.  But Stitch and I notice that Billy has a cozy thing going on with Chelsea over in HER place with her son, and out of nowhere she’s saying, hey, let’s do the same thing.  Is he suggesting she’s just having a knee jerk reaction??  “I don’t know, Victoria…is it?”   YES.

 

Billy and Chelsea walk off the elevator at the penthouse, and are surprised to see Gabriel in the hallway!  Billy really doesn’t want to talk shop, and they’re not up for any visitors.  The funny thing is, he’s really NOT a visitor!  “I’m your new neighbor.”  Got a cup of sugar?

 

“You found this antifreeze WHERE?” asks Jack.  In the garage!  “Isn’t that where most people keep their antifreeze?”  Paul is an even bigger on expert on antifreeze cans than he is on quarry mud.  This is an old can with rust flakes in it, which means it’s less lethal, which might explain why Kelly is still alive.  Chris will have it analyzed tomorrow in the poisonator and find out if it matches what was in Kelly’s system.  Like antifreeze has DNA markers, or something. I would Google some of this, but I don’t really want to attract that kind of attention, lol. 

 

What does that matter, asks Jack. “We don’t know where this came from, or how it got there.”  Is he saying he doesn’t recognize this?  HE’S A BILLIONAIRE.  He doesn’t even make his own sandwiches!  You think he puts antifreeze in his cars?  But Jack’s not answering any more questions, so get out.  Call them when Phyllis gets back!  They leave, and Jack worries.  Chris gets a call on the doorstep.  They may have just found some REAL evidence. 

 

“When I found out about you and Jack, I wanted to punish you,” says Phyllis quietly.  So when he asked her to marry him, she rubbed it in Kelly’s face.  “It was really CRUEL of you to ask me to plan your engagement party, Phyllis.”  It  was meant to be, says Phyllis.  And instead of just accepting that Jack chose her over Kelly and let it go, she needed to be petty and vindictive.  She should have focused on the GOOD in her life, and she didn’t.  “And for THAT, I am very sorry.” 

 

What about the OTHER things she did??  “What about the blonde wig?  What about posing as me at the florist so you could HUMILIATE me with Jack?  What about putting POISON in my tea?  Are you going to apologize for ANY OF THAT?”  Look, she’s sorry, truly sorry.  Maybe it’s true when they say “you can’t go back home again.”  So, she won’t.  “What does that MEAN?” asks Kelly.  “You take care of Jack,” she whispers, and grabs her overnight bag and walks away sadly.  Kelly’s like, what the hell just happened?  She rushes off, but then, Phyllis comes back around the corner and watches her go. 

 

Hey, do Billy and Chelsea want to come in and share an AMAZING bottle of champagne the seller left with eager Gabe?   Billy’s like some other time, as in never, but Chelsea says one drink can’t hurt!  Excellent!  He opens the door.  Wow, Adam’s new penthouse his way better than his old penthouse.  It’s all stone and concrete and glass windows.  Sorry about having no furniture.  Chelsea’s in awe of this great space!  He’s sorry it’s so cavernous, but Chelsea thinks it will soon feel like home.  Omg, she’s probably the perfect person to help him with that! 

 

Nick says what else could make her have MS symptoms like wobbling around with your face falling off?  Victor knows she’s been under a lot of stress lately.  Nick blames it on Sharon because why not.  Nikki comes down, and says she’s fine.  Nick can go, so he does.  She doesn’t want to rehash  what happened.  Sweetheart, this is a very serious situation. She’s been under a lot of stress lately, entirely caused by him.  He wonders how she’s coping with it.  She looks at him, like, say what?

 

Vicky insists she didn’t ask Stitch to move in because 1) Billy and Chelsea are so settled, or 2) she’s afraid of living on her own.  She doesn’t NEED a man in her life to make her happy.   “There’s only one reason I asked you to share my home.  I love you.”  Stitch is floored.  “Say that again?”  He heard her.  She knows she hasn’t said it before, but she didn’t realize how she felt until now.  “I love you, Ben.”

 

Gabe doesn’t know the first thing about design or furniture placement, and CHELSEA has such a great eye.  Billy smirks, like this is rich.  Adam gives Chelsea bad ideas, so she will correct him.  That’s why he’s the marketing guy, and she’s the designer!  She brainstorms ideas, and asks if he’s more about the drama, or the muted elegance.  He grins.  I’m pretty sure Adam is all about drama, but he says, “I have NO IDEA what you’re talking about, that’s why I would need you!”  They laugh like they’re the only the only two people in the room.  Billy fixes that and asks what about his GIRLFRIEND?  Wouldn’t SAGE have a say in all this.  Adam’s like, ugh, Sage!

 

Sage runs into Nick in the club lobby.  He’s there to work off some tension, because the custody hearing is tomorrow.  Boo hoo.  She’s sorry AGAIN about causing problems with Faith.  He’s sure the judge will see it’s a big misunderstanding, which is that he has no reason to want custody.  Sage hopes he’s right. “Oh, I’m right,” he jokes, only he’s not joking.   It’s not so cute down the road, Sage. There’s something else he wants to talk to her about.  He saw her arguing with Gabe the other day, and he knows it’s none of his business, but can he butt in and ask if she’s uncomfortable about her arrangement that doesn’t concern him?  Sage says they are CLEAR on their arrangement, and it just has to be that way for now, but she really appreciates his concern.  “You’re proving to be a great friend,” she smiles.

 

Jill asks Michael if he should be drinking during treatment, and he shuts that right down, because there is nothing wrong with his liver.  That’s some bullshit right there, folks.  But whatever.  Blah blah.  He thinks it’s crazy for her to take on Victor Newman.  Jill says Katherine’s probably on a cloud, laughing her fool head off at the mess she left Jill in.  I think she’s barfing off her cloud.  Michael gets a call and leaves.

 

Jill asks Lauren how it’s REALLY going.  So far, so good.  Blah blah.

 

Jack called Michael.  Does he know where Phyllis is, because she took off, and he needs to talk to her NOW!   Phyllis told Michael she knew what she had to do, and he thought she was going to take his advice and wait to see what happened!  Waiting is not Phyllis’ strong suit, says Jack.  He’s got someone at the door, so call him if he hears from Phyllis.

 

It’s Kelly.  “You shouldn’t be here!” says Jack.  She’s sorry, but she just had to see him.  “I know you must be really upset about what’s going on with Phyllis, but I think it’s for the best.”   What is she talking about?  He lets her in. What does “for the best” mean?  Kelly says she knows she said she wouldn’t press charges, but now that Phyllis has confessed to her--  “Confessed?!  When?  Where?”  Just now, in the park.  But, Jack, Kelly doesn’t think you’re going to find her there.  She looked like she was going out of town…for good.  She packs super light.

 

Gabe says Billy’s right, Sage will have her opinions, of course.  But Chelsea’s an ARTIST!  She has a flair for this sort of thing.  Sage opens the door.  “Honey, I’m home—oh.  Hi.”  Perfect timing, says Adam, swallowing his rage.  He was just getting ready to open a bottle of champagne for their guests!   Sage is sorry she wasn’t there to greet them!  Chelsea thinks it’s AWESOME that they’re moving in!  Billy thinks they’ve long overstayed their welcome.  “NONONO!” says Gabe.  “You guys, it’s a whole bottle of champagne.”  Oh, they’re tired from the christening, but Chelsea would be glad to drop off some decorating magazines.  See ya!

 

They leave, and  Adam glares.  “Do you think this was a good idea, getting a place right next to Chelsea’s?  With Tipton on our case, you can’t get caught coveting your neighbor’s wife.”  He’ll take his chances.  “Just don’t ruin MY chance of getting that inheritance.  So now…where’s our bedroom?”  She grins, and he stares daggers at her.

 

Victor tells Nikki she’s not taking care of herself.  She’s not fine!  She’s been under a lot of stress, and HE TAKE SOME OF THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT.  Wow.  “You do?” asks Nikki, in wonder.  So…HE’S BACKING OUT OF SELLING THE WAREHOUSE DISTRICT!! So Dylan can keep his Crimson Lights.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  “Really?” asks shit-faced Nikki in disbelief.  But yesterday, he was so adamant… 

 

He kisses her on the cheek.  “Sweetheart, that was yesterday.  Today I know that you’re suffering very much from me selling that land, and I won’t do it.  Because I want to spend many tomorrows with the woman I love.”  So the angry tomato baby WINS, just like that.  Unbelievable!  “Oh, Victor, thank you so much!” she cries tearfully, falling in his arms.

 

Jack finds Phyllis moping on a park bench.  He ran all the way there!  I’m super impressed.  Phyllis asked how he found her.  Kelly told him, he gasps.  “Well, she didn’t waste much time getting to your front door.”  Jack’s just grateful that she’s still here.  He got her note, btw.  “Forgive me?  Really?  The answer is NO.  You slink out of town this way, I DON’T forgive you, and neither does Summer.”  Phyllis says she left BEFORE when it wasn’t her choice, and everyone was FINE.  This is DIFFERENT, says Jack, and everyone was NOT FINE.  They will NOT lose her again!  But she might go to prison!  Jack WON’T LET that happen!

 

They argue about this idiotic getaway idea.  “I can’t be locked up,” she says.  How can he guarantee that won’t happen?  He’s like ANY LAWYER besides that idiot, Michael, would tell her this case is circumstantial, and rich people don’t go to jail.  He can get her the proper medical help and protect her, but she has to TRUST HIM!  “I want to, Jack,” she whispers.  “DO!” he says.  Let him take her home.  Or how about on a jet to Canada?

 

Paul shows Christine some security footage of someone going to the control panel to shut down the other security footage in the dining room.  She’s keeping her head down because she doesn’t want to be seen.  “But that red hair is unmistakable!” says Christine.  “It’s Phyllis!” 

 

Nikki loves Victor so much.  Sweetheart, how many times has he told you that every decision he makes is for the family?  He hopes it finally dawns on her!  Nikki leaves.  He calls Jill.  Is he taking her option deal after all?  He doesn’t giveadamn about her option deal.  If she wants to buy Chancellor, she gives him the full price by tonight, because as of tomorrow it will be up for sale.   It will go to the highest bidder!

 

Victoria doesn’t know how long Stitch has been waiting to hear those words.  He’s OVERJOYED.  She just got herself a new roommate!  They make out.

 

Billy and Chelsea have pillow talk and gossip about Gabe and Sage.  They make out.

 

Sage isn’t seriously suggesting they share a bed??  Yep, she is.  They need to make it look real for Tipton.  And before he gets too excited, she is NOT going to sleep with him.  They just have to make it look like they do, with toothbrushes in the bathroom, their clothes in the same closet.  “If we’re going to go to all this trouble to make it look like we have sex, maybe we should just go ahead and have sex.”  Funny, she says.  Was he being funny?  I don’t know.  It might make him less crabby. 

 

“So what’s the plan, Adam, are you just going to go over the Chelsea’s every day and ask to borrow some sugar?”  HA!  “Tell you what, you take care of your life, and I will take care of mine.   He goes upstairs.  “Sweetheart,  I’M going to take the master.”  They all have concrete floors right now, so I don’t think it matters.  She texts Nick that she’ll be thinking about him during his custody hearing, and gets moony eyed.

 

Nick gets her text.  He smiles.  Maybe, just maybe, Nick WILL be able to love again.

 

Jack and Phyllis get home to find Michael in their living room.  He couldn’t help but be concerned.  The doorbell rings, and its Paul, Chris, and a cop again.  THEY OPEN THE DOOR.  Chris says they’re here to arrest her for the attempted murder of Kelly Andrews.  Paul reads her her rights while she glares at Jack in fury. “You BETRAYED me!  I will NEVER forgive you!”  They lead her out.  Michael doesn’t make a fucking peep, because HE SUCKS.  Jack watches sadly through the door.   WTG, Jack.

Edited February 5, 2015 by peach

[MollyB]

 

You think he puts antifreeze in his cars?

I'm one of the poors and I let Toyota do that shit.  I can't imagine Jack even putting gas in his car.  Bet they have a landscaper, too, who has access to the garage.  Better check and see if he has red hair, Bug!

[movinon]

 

Nick tells Victor he’s really worried about her, and Victor should be, too.  MOM ALMOST DROPPED THE BABY.  She says she was woozy from a Mostly Sauced flareup.

I didn't get any further than this before you made me smile - a difficult thing to do today.  This show sucks donkey dicks at the moment, and we really NEED your recaps to keep on going.  Thanks so much for always being here.

[peach]

Mon, Feb 2     A Magnificent Defense

 

Phyllis is in the police interrogation room, complaining to Michael.  If being stuck in that cell last night for hours wasn’t bad enough, ugh, that ARRAIGNMENT?!  For attempted murder, like she’s some kind of COMMON CRIMINAL!  She is not COMMON.  Michael seems kind of bored with all this.  “This isn’t your first rodeo.  It was just a courtroom.”  Yeah, THIS is the guy I want to pay my life savings to. 

 

What’s going to happen to her now?  “Your sister and I will launch a magnificent defense,” he says, that doesn’t include having her out on bail yet.  “I see that you haven’t mentioned my fiancée.”  Jack is helping, Michael says mildly.  Then why wasn’t he at the arraignment?!  Was he too ASHAMED after stabbing her in the back?  Is he even in town?  “I imagine he’s already flown off to some romantic beach with Kelly now that he’s RID HIMSELF OF ME!” she says kinda crazy like. 

 

Michael says Jack’s spent all night and morning trying to figure out how to get her out of this.  He’s a regular Mr. Fix-It, how could she think otherwise?  “Because he led me back to the house, and hand delivered me to the cops!  Now I might be spending the rest of my life in PRISON!” 

 

Jack is arguing with Paul in his office.  “You’re talking like this is an open and shut case.  It’s NOT!”  Paul rubs his forehead.  The evidence points to Phyllis committing the crime.  Jack says there are mitigating circumstances!  “My sister is mentally incompetent,” says Avery.  Christine smirks.  “She seems all there to me.”  Avery says they believe she’s suffering side effects from her medical treatment.  She NEEDS a psych evaluation.  Chris says to file a motion, then.  Already done, they’ve already been granted an emergency hearing. 

 

“Of course you have, because you’re laying the groundwork for an insanity defense!  It’s the oldest trick in the book!”  Jack says Phyllis is ILL.  She does not deserve to stand trial.  “So plead your case.  But I will tell a judge that your client coldly and calculatedly tried to kill Kelly Andrews, and that Phyllis should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!!”  Jack can’t even.

 

Victoria and Stitch are all lovey dovey.  She gives him a key, you guys.  It’s official!  They giggle like this is the giggliest thing ever!

 

Devon stops by Neil’s.  Hilary’s working from home today.  It’s pretty much like a funeral home in there, but Devon says he can’t stop thinking good thoughts about Neil’s experimental trial.  Neil says don’t get too excited yet.  Devon asks if the doctors said HOW SOON Neil might get his sight back so they can finally ruin his life?  He’s really sick of waiting.

 

Victor calls Jill to remind her that Chancellor goes on sale in just a few hours, because Kay’s entire company means less than a freaking coffee shop.  She is well aware of that, Victor!  Then move it along.  He’s doing her a huge favor by giving her the first shot, because obviously there will be tons of other corporate buyers ready to snatch up a company at a moment’s notice.  “I will GET you your money,” she says.  “By noon today, K?”  NOON?  She heard him.  Let’s see if she has what it takes.

 

Jill hangs up angrily.  Victor refuses to budge, she tells Cane and Colin.  Colin will talk to his investors about an increase of funds.  Cane has doubts.  Look, Colin’s already told him this money is not going to come back to bite them.  If CANE has another source of money, then…  Cane smirks, because he’s just a broke ass hotel manager.  Of course he doesn’t have the money.  Jill says she will NOT let Victor rip Chancellor out of her hands again.  “Darling, do whatever you have to do, and just bring that money home.”  Colin doesn’t look so confident, but he heads out the door.

 

Victoria gets to work.  She and Victor are happy he could be part of the christening.  “Anything for your happiness, my darling.”  Oh, and Stitch is moving in with her.  And that’s for his knowledge, not his commentary.  “Whoa.  Things are moving fast.”   He does like the guy, at least.  Mom told her he’s backing off the warehouse project.  Vicky thinks that’s great, but he’s going to take a huge financial hit if he doesn’t sell that property.  Didn’t she JUST TELL him NOT to sell it?  Victoria is so damn contrary.  Victor says her mother’s well being is more important to him.  She doesn’t buy it.  “Why are you suddenly being so altruistic?  What’s really going on?

 

“I can’t handle it if Chancellor’s in the hands of a stranger,” Jill complains to Cane.   He hates the idear as much as she does, but he wonders where Colin’s getting all this money.  “He says it’s legal,” shrugs Jill.  “Well, then it MUST be legal,” Cane says sarcastically.  “HONEY, I have decided to have [denial] faith in Colin!”  Cane says that means she’s decided to look the other way, because she needs the money.  Well, they DO need the money, okay!  They have to accept Colin’s help.  But Colin ALWAYS has an ulterior motive, says Cane. 

 

Well, she thinks he’s trying to make things up to them, and he knows HOW MUCH Chancellor means to her, and he NEVER stops talking about how Cane deserves to be at the top of the corporate ladder, instead of standing next to the bottom rung.  He’s not even ON the ladder right now.   Cane hopes she’s right.  Jill is just going to pray that Colin can save them before it’s too late.

 

Sorry, Devon, the doctor didn’t specify when you can start banging Hilary on the regular.  Hilary says they’ll just stay positive.  Neil blathers on about picturing his kids’ faces, his wife’s beautiful eyes, etc, while Devon gets a text from Colin.  He wants to meet ASAP, RE: FUNDING.  Devon answers NO.  Neil’s phone immediately rings.  Hi, Colin!  He’s just hanging out with Hilary and Devon, who are both like OH EM GEE!!! 

 

There’s a little matter Colin would like to discuss with Neil.  Why not meet him at Crimson Lights?  Sure!  See ya later.  Neil’s going to jump in the shower first.  He kisses Hilary, and poor Devon has to look away because feelz!  Neil leaves, and Hilary hisses they have to stop Neil from going to that meeting!!  But stingy Devon says it’s time to call Colin’s bluff.

 

Michael asks why Phyllis is so angry at Jack.  He didn’t know the police were coming.  So he claimed, says Phyllis.  “Do you honestly believe that Jack betrayed you?”  She folds her arms.  “How’s my daughter?”  Oh, Jack convinced her not to come down there.   “Well, I’m not surprised.  God forbid anybody be here for me.”  I kinda feelin’ you, Phyllis.  Summer nearly broke down the damn door when Austin was in there.  “Do you really want your daughter to see you in this position?  She’s already spent a year panicking over your health.”  Michael loves to keep family at bay.

 

Jack and Avery show up.  She’s very thankful Avery is there.  “How you holdin’ up, Red?” asks Jack.  “How do you THINK?” she sneers.  Avery’s managed to get her a court ordered psych eval.  Umm, how does THAT help?  “It means you’ll no longer be held here,” says Jack.  Oh, thank God.  Get her an ankle monitor, and she is VERY happy to bare her soul to 20 headshrinkers!  Let’s go!!  Avery says it doesn’t work like that.  What does THAT mean?  It means your lawyers are horrible.  “You can’t go home, sweetheart.  You’re going to Fairview,” says Jack.  “The mental institution??”

 

Devon is not going to live with Colin’s threats anymore.  He’s going to make him back off.  “How is calling his bluff going to accomplish that?”  Well, ummm, he will figure it out.  Right.  Just trust him.  He loves you, Hilary. 

 

Devon leaves, and Neil rushes in, heavy breathing.   “Hilary, I heard everything!  Explain how you cheated on me in the worst possible way!!”  She’s SO sorry!  “Sorry that you slept with Devon, or sorry that I found out?!”   She didn’t mean to hurt him!  “YES, YOU DID!  YOU INTENDED TO DO THIS FROM THE VERY BEGINNING!  YOU WANTED TO RUIN MY FAMILY, SO YOU SEDUCED ME, AND THEN YOU SLEPT WITH MY SON!” he bellows.  “NO!  I am NOT that person!” she screams, crying.  “GEEET OUT!” he screams like the devil himself.  Wow.  But it was just in Hilary’s imagination, of course, in case you got excited like I did, and thought the pace just picked up.   Hilary’s really worried, you guys.

 

Nice Neil comes in and startles her.  His super senses can tell she’s upset.  No, she’s fine, everything’s fine!

 

Kelly visits Stitch at home, as in Victoria’s home.  So, THIS is a new development!  He acts a little sheepish.  “Ben, you’re allowed to be happy, even if I’m not,” she smiles.  She seems to be wearing an Avery special.  Black, cleavage, shiny thing.  Looks good on her.  He takes it she’s not feeling much better emotionally.  Well, she should be, considering they arrested Phyllis last night.   Stitch thinks that’s great news!  So…why isn’t she more relieved?  Phyllis isn’t a threat to her anymore.  Yeah, but she’s still a threat to JACK.  He’s probably rushing to save her right now.  If he’s not careful, thatwoman is going to drag him down!  Stitch frowns skeptically.  “And you think you’re the one to pull him back from the brink?”

 

Christine is ANNOYED.  “A psychiatric hospital??  She should be in prison!”  Paul wishes she would stop letting Phyllis get to her.  It’s not good for the baby.  She knows, but she can’t believe a judge would side with Avery.  Phyllis should be behind bars until her trial!  How realistic.  Paul says if Phyllis needs psychiatric help, she should get it.  What, is Paul going SOFT??  Is he buying this argument that Phyllis is “insane” and can’t be held responsible for her actions?!  He hasn’t formed an opinion (meaning, yes).  HOW could he even consider that?!  “Because I don’t enough information yet, and neither do you, Miss DA.”  Chris thinks that’s SUCH a low blow.  Hey, no matter how personal this feels, they serve THE PEOPLE of GC.  She is SERVING the people by making sure Phyllis doesn’t skate on this bullshit defense!

 

Avery says Phyllis has NO CHOICE.  Going to Fairview and getting a psych eval that proves she was out of her mind is the only way to avoid a criminal trial.  “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  This is the BEST my two GENIUS attorneys can do for me?  THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN OFFER?!  Forget it!!”  Yep, this is your Magnificent Defense.  Call David Sherman ASAP. 

 

“Do you really want to face Christine on the stand?” snaps Michael, “Knowing she’ll do whatever she can to put you away this time?!”  She says ask for a change of venue.  Boom, problem solved.  “NO,” sneers Michael.  “There’s been no publicity on this.  There’s no reason to believe a jury here will be prejudicial toward you and your famous redhead maniacal bullshit.  NO JUDGE will grant a change of venue,” he barks at her.  So, don’t bother trying or anything.   Avery says they’ve looked at this from EVERY angle, please believe them when they say this is the best way!  Jack begs her to follow their advice, not just for her legal case!  There are professionals there who can help her get better!

 

She points at him.  “YOU’VE done all this to me, Jack.  You did all of this to PUNISH me.”  He’s like, for WHAT??  “Because I came back and RUINED the perfect life you had without me,” she sneers.  Jack is sad.

 

Victor is such a great guy, he’s going to sell Chancellor to the highest bidder, unless Jill can come up with all of the money very soon.  Victoria’s surprised he would give Jill first dibs.  “If Katherine would have wanted the company to go to anyone but me…I think it would have been Jill.”  Victoria thinks that’s super kind of him.  She knows she pressed him to sell Chancellor, and she knows how wrenching it is for him to give it up.  “I think this is the best way to honor Katherine’s legacy, don’t you?” he says.  By giving Jill four hours to come up with a billion dollars.

 

Jill impatiently calls Colin.  Tell her he has the money.  He’s sitting at Crimson Lights.  Well, not yet.  “DAMMIT!  It’s down to the wire, honey!”  He promises not to let her down. 

 

Devon shows up.  Colin wants to discuss a new payment plan.  “Colin, if you want to out me and Hilary, then be my guest, because I’m not gonna give you any more money.”  Colin laughs.  “I love your audacity, but I don’t think you’re prepared to blow your family up just yet.”  Well, Devon doesn’t think COLIN is ready to blow HIS family up.  They’re going to know about the blackmail, and that he hasn’t changed, and everything he’s worked for to get his family back will be gone.  Colin says he might have a point.  On his head.  His wife and son want Chancellor back, desperately.  Once they have their hands on the company, they’ll realize what he did was for THEM.  They’re not really going to care, Devon, not in comparison, so here’s what he needs.  He slips him a paper.  “Just wire the money.”

 

Kelly insists she IS NOT STILL HUNG UP ON JACK!  Stitch is like, um, Phyllis tried to poison you, and you’re more worried about HIM than yourself.  He’d say you’re still pretty hung up!  If she can’t admit it, she’ll never get past it!  PHYLLIS is the one who can’t let go, and is so obsessed with Kelly that she keeps dragging her back into Jack’s life.  She thinks it’s REASONABLE to be worried about JACK!  That doesn’t mean she can’t live without him! 

 

Stitch shakes his head in that way only a brother can do.  WHAT?  “You fall hard, Kelly.  You fully commit to people and relationships you care about.”  So what’s wrong with that?  Well, nothing, until they END.  “You are COMPLETELY EXAGGERATING!”  Is he exaggerating how you completely fell apart apart after your marriage ended?  “I DON’T want you going back to that place!”  Geez, her kid died that time.  Wait, does he mean an emotional place, or like…the place they want to put Phyllis?  THAT place?

 

Jack wants to speak to Phyllis alone.  “You can stop pretending my awakening wasn't very inconvenient for you.  You moved on with Kelly.”  The first thing he did was break up with her and tell Phyllis he loved her!  “I thought that meant YOU WERE GONNA FIGHT FOR US!  And I BELIEVED YOU!” she shouts.  He  hoped and prayed she would come back EVERY DAY!  Ah, but he didn’t make that happen, VICTOR made THAT happen!  “YEAH, with his drugs that---“  He stops himself short.  What was he gonna say…that made her CRAZY?    “Don’t TELL ME what I was going to say.”  He loves her!  He wants to marry her!  But she HAS to admit she’s NOT been herself lately!

 

Phyllis’ anger fades into tears.  “I’m confused,” she whispers.  “I don’t know who to believe.  I don’t know who to trust!  I can’t even trust myself!”  Then trust HIM, and the people who LOVE HER.  They are all there to make her better.  Then help her.  No hospitals, no doctors!  "Baby, you’ve got to tell them I’m still the same woman."  “The woman I love would fight to get her life back.”  And that means Fairview, she says resignedly.  The guard shows up to take her away.

 

Paul and Christine stand and watch.  “I look forward to reading your psychiatric evaluation, Phyllis.  I’m sure it will be fascinating,” snarks Chris.  They haul Phyllis away.  Jack stares accusingly at Chris with tears in his eyes. 

 

Victor says he’s worried about Mom.  “When I found out she dropped the baby, well---“  It worries him a great deal.  It may not seem obvious at times, but he’ll do anything to keep his family together and babies from bouncing off the floor.   They hug.  So Victor’s turned over a big ole new leaf this week.  Victor givesadamn, you guys. 

 

Neil really wants to know what’s bothering Hilary.  She’s just excited about him gaining his sight again.  After he meets with Colin, how about they go out and celebrate the possibility of what lies ahead.  See ya!  Hilary grabs some wine out of the fridge.  Hey, it’s 5:00 somewhere.  I can see how worried she is about Neil drinking again.  It’s time for another confession fantasy.  She’s looking on the bright side this time.

 

Fantasy Neil can see, and they toast to their hopes being rewarded.  She’s been with him every step of the way.  Remember when they promised to be honest with each other at all costs…so tell him what’s up.  Neil…there’s someone else.  “I know.  It’s Devon, isn’t it?” he says gently.  He knew all along, he could FEEL the connection between them.  He knows she didn’t mean for it to happen, and he’s not angry, baby.  Just give him some time alone, and he’ll be fine.  “Baby…BE HAPPY.  And don’t worry, it’s all going to work out in the end.”  Fantasy Hilary walks away, but turns back and watches Fantasy Neil drink what must be some really nasty wine.  Oh noes!

 

Real Hilary puts her wine glass down and frets. 

 

Devon finds Cane at the club.  “You were right that Colin is blackmailing me for money.  And I need to stop him.”  Cane is pissed!  “I asked you point blank if Colin knew about the affair, and I asked if you gave him the money to buy Chancellor, and you LIED to me.”  Devon didn’t tell him the truth, because he didn’t want to [get caught] put him in that position.  “Well, you’ve put me in this position now, haven’t you?”  He doesn’t have a CHOICE now.  Cane told him months ago to end the affair with Hilary, and that’s what he should have done!  “I don’t know what to say to you.  Hilary and I are in love.”  Ohhh, okay.   “Do you think this is going to end well for anybody?”  Noo, he knows it’s going to be difficult, but they plan on telling Neil the truth when he gets his sight back!

 

“Stop it, STOP IT.  You listen to yourself here.  There is no guarantee Neil will GET his sight back, and do you think the first thing he wants to hear from his son is, Dad, I’ve been having an affair with your wife while you were blind?!"  HOWEVER it shakes out, Devon says Neil needs to hear it from him and Hilary, not Cane’s father!  “Oh, I see what’s going on here.  You want ME to go to Colin and get him to back off.”  Yes!  “And then you want me to go to Lily and lie to her, and then lie to Neil, while you keep it all secret, until YOU decide to tell everybody.”  Devon stares petulantly. “Are you out of your mind?  ARE you?” hisses Cane.

 

Hilary looks at her sidewalk wedding photo and has another confession fantasy.  This one’s pretty good.  Fantasy Neil challenges Devon and Hilary together.  “You’ve been sneaking behind my back for months, and you think you deserve a PRIZE for telling me now?   For waiting until you both could look me in the eye??”  They were gonna tell  him the very night of the accident!  And then he lost his vision!  “AND YOU SAID NOTHING.  Because you pitied me!”  No, never, cries Hilary.  “SHUT UP!!” shouts Neil.

 

He slowly advances on Devon, and then GRABS HIM by the shirt!  Hilary screams for him to stop it!  “You couldn’t go after one of those women who keep throwing themselves at you, could you?  You couldn’t go after one of THOSE women!  My cheating son.  You had to go after my wife.”  KAPOW!  He pounds Devon in the head!!  “NEIL!” screams Hilary.  Devon’s lying unconscious on the floor!  He hit his head on the hearth!  She rolls him over, to reveal a bloody cut on his head.  “What have you DONE?” she yells at Neil.  “YOU did this,” sneers Neil.    Wow, that was awesome.  Too bad it didn’t happen.

 

Devon GETS why you’re upset, Cane, but he doesn’t have time to argue with you, because Colin is literally meeting with Neil as we speak.  Also, he doesn’t really care.  Colin’s threatened to tell Neil everything unless he gets some huge payoff, stat.  Ohhh, now Cane gets it.  Jill has until noon to come up with the money for Chancellor!  So Colin’s desperate.  “Will you help me stop your father?” whines Devon.  How in the hell does that benefit Cane?  Cane has his thinking cap on.

 

Stitch tells Kelly that was the worst time in her life.  She was so lost!  DUH, her SON DIED.  And her marriage collapsed.  Emotionally, it broke her.  “And you had to get help,” reminds Stitch.  DO NOT compare her to PHYLLIS!  “SHE IS CRAYZEE!!  I AM NOT!”  Okay, Stitch didn’t really mean it like that, he just doesn’t want to see her hurt.  She hopes he means that, and runs out, past Victoria.  “What was that all about?” asks Victoria.  “Phyllis.”

 

Avery and Jack check Phyllis into Fairview.  She’s been in a mental hospital for five minutes, and she’s already dressed to do laundry in the dorm, with her hair in a prison ponytail.  I didn’t think Phyllis OWNED a sweatshirt.  They walk in the blandest room ever, and Avery says it’s kind of…cheery.  Nice try.  “NO.  If I’m not crazy, this will definitely put me over the edge.”  Jack says it’s better than a jail cell.  It’s just a different kind of cell!  She lost a year in that clinic and now she’s supposed to stay HERE?   Avery says it will help her get well, and it COULD help her case, think about that.  Inspiring confidence, there.  I mean, it COULD help your case…maybe.  That’s a Magnificent Defense, all right.  The orderly comes to kick them out.  “NO.  You can’t leave me here, alone.” 

 

Michael whines to Christine that he’s sorry they’re on opposite sides on this case.  Aren’t you always supposed to be on the OPPOSITE side?  You’re a DEFENSE attorney.  Chris says Phyllis has her SISTER to represent her.  Why does he have to join the fray?  “I want to keep my friend out of prison.”  Then take yourself OFF her case.  He also wants to see that she gets help for her issues.  “Her ISSUES.  Not mental illness!  You know what she’s capable of in a jealous tirade.” 

 

Michael says he should go.  He leaves, and Paul comes in.  “He’s protecting her,” complains Chris.  “He knows Phyllis isn’t crazy!  She’s vindictive and deadly!”  Well as her attorney, he’s never going to admit that, reasons Paul, so WHY even ask?  He really wishes she would quit getting so worked up about this.  She can’t understand why he WON’T!  Chris is so annoying, nobody cares that Phyllis tried to kill her that one time.  UGH, AUGH!  She has a belly pain!  I hope we’re not headed for Blueberry 2.0.

 

Victoria says Stitch is feeling guilty that things are going SO well for him, and his sister is still struggling.  Ya got him, he’s feeling serious guilt because he’s REALLY REALLY REALLY happy.  Victoria, too, but she’s over that whole guilt thing.  “Yeah, what’s your secret?” asks Stitch.  Selfishness.  And she realized life is short, play hard.  They make out and run upstairs.

 

Neil shows up to meet with Colin, but then Cane rolls in.  He came by to give his dad an envelope with some family business.  “This is what you’re expecting, isn’t it, Dad?”  Cane’s like what the hell?  He takes the envelope.

 

Cut to Devon handing JILL an envelope.  It’s a check for the rest of the money to buy Chancellor.  Jill gasps.  She thought his money was all tied up.  Well, he figured out a way to untie it. 

 

Colin opens his envelope.  It has the Bonaventure business card in it, with a message written on the back.   Cane smiles with smug pleasure while Colin reads it:  IF YOU TELL NEIL, I TELL VICTOR.  Colin’s mouth is hanging open.  So what is it, asks Neil.  It’s good news, says Cane.  “Devon has given us the money to buy Chancellor.  Isn’t that right, Dad?”  Neil says that’s WONDERFUL news!  “Yeaaah, it’s in EVERYBODY’S best interest,” says Cane, twisting the knife.  Colin grimaces.  This day sucks.  Cane grins at him cockily.  So…Cane has graduated to lying blackmailer, and Colin’s left hanging.

 

Jill says Devon wanted to respect Katherine’s wishes, so what changed his mind?  He says Katherine gave him that money to do what he wanted with it, and what he wants, is for Jill and Cane to have the company.  He really does.  And he wants to keep screwing Hilary.  “As long as Colin has NOTHING to do with it.”  Because COLIN is IMMORAL, you guys.  Jill hesitates for a second, but then she’s like, whatever, gimme the money.  She calls Victor and tells him the money’s in her hot, little hand.  Good, bring it on over.  “This is the way it always SHOULD have been,” says Jill.  “Let’s see if you can prove that,” says Victor. 

 

“Ohh, Devon,” sighs Jill, “Chancellor is back where it belongs, and I am going to make your grandmother proud!”  Devon smiles happily.  I’m not sure I want to live in a world where Devon wins.  Or that 200 lb angry baby tomato, Dylan.  I guess I can go back and watch Neil punch his head in again.

 

Paul’s gonna call an ambulance!!  Chris says it’s just a cramp.  No blueberry screaming called for.  She’ll take care of herself.  Blah blah.  She’ll call the doctor.  She promises she’s not sacrificing her health over crazy Phyllis.

 

“This place is freaking me out!” says Phyllis.  The orderly kicks them out and locks her in her “cheery” room.  She pounds on the door, screaming for them to let her out.  Jack’s torn apart.  He wishes to God he could help her.  Avery’s like, yeah, let’s go!  “JACK!  I’M NOT OKAY WITH THIS!”  THIS IS NOT MAGNIFICENT!

[movinon]

 

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  This is the BEST my two GENIUS attorneys can do for me?  THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN OFFER?!  Forget it!!”  Yep, this is your Magnificent Defense.  Call David Sherman ASAP.

This is truly funny, especially now that we know what a fantastic, brilliant attorney David Sherman is.  With the writing on this show off the rails, this thread is more important than ever, peach.  Thanks so much for doing these recaps.

[klopek]

 Fantasy Neil drink what must be some really nasty wine.  Oh noes!

 

Ahaahaahaahaa... still laughing how it reminded me of this!  KSJ's acting hero - GARTH!

 

 

 

[ByTor]

She says ask for a change of venue. Boom, problem solved. “NO,” sneers Michael. “There’s been no publicity on this. There’s no reason to believe a jury here will be prejudicial toward you and your famous redhead maniacal bullshit. NO JUDGE will grant a change of venue,” he barks at her. So, don’t bother trying or anything.

This just reminds me how stupid it is that the brilliant Avery Bailey Clark, defender of the defenseless, doesn't think to demand that Cricket recuses herself!

[peach]

Ahaahaahaahaa... still laughing how it reminded me of this!  KSJ's acting hero - GARTH!

 

Ha, that is perfect!

This just reminds me how stupid it is that the brilliant Avery Bailey Clark, defender of the defenseless, doesn't think to demand that Cricket recuses herself!

Right?  Like she had to with Austin??  And MICHAEL should have already been disbarred for what he did to Dylan.

 

And Leslie got IAN WARD a change of venue, and also got him off.

 

Their evidence against Phyllis is a JOKE.  But Avery and Jack have basically said she DID IT.  They forced themselves into this corner.  Damn this show for making me take Phyllis' side!  lol

[peach]

Tue, Feb 3   The Anti-Nick

 

Jack gets home with Avery in tow.  He’s beside himself with guilt.  He can’t believe he left Phyllis at Fairview for a psych eval.  Couldn’t she have done that at HOME?  Avery insists there was no other way, and it’s better than a jail cell.  It’s still a cell!  She didn’t wake up for that!  She didn’t escape and hitchhike 700 miles for that!  She deserves more!

 

Summer walks in.  Waah waaah, waah, or something.  Where is Mom?!

 

Mom is pounding on the door of her room at Fairview.  “DON’T LEAVE ME HERE!  DON’T PRETEND I DON’T EXIST!” she cries.  A creepy, condescending nurse comes in.  “No one’s forgotten you.  It’s time for you to rest.”  Well, we all know how Phyllis feels about rest.  Is her fiancé still out there, her love…”He’s a liar!  YOU’RE A LIAR, JACK!”  The nurse pulls out a horse sized syringe and taps it ominously.  “You stay away from me!” cries Phyllis.  I can see how all of this is going to make paranoid Phyllis much, much better.

 

Nikki comes in Crimson Lights to tell Dylan the big news!  “It’s over!  Victor called off the warehouse deal!  It’s all safe!  The coffee house, you, you can stay here as long as you want!”  Dylan smiles.  “Seriously?  Victor backed off?”  Yep, seriously.  This dumb story is over, just like that.   Nikki says he knew it was the right thing to do.  “This was for YOUR sake, wasn’t it?”  Duh.  Family matters most.  “He gave me is his word, so nobody can ever take anything from you.”  Downtown can keep being crap, just for lil ole you.

 

Victor drops it on Joe that the warehouse deal is off the table.  He’s like, okey doke.  “You don’t seem to be too perturbed,” frowns Victor.  He would have made a lot of money off this deal, made a name for himself.  Joe’s not out for that.  “I got what I wanted out of this deal.”  Well, goodforyou, says Victor.

 

Phyllis tells the wicked nurse that she already slept for a year!  She was stuck in her own head, stuck in that clinic!  What if that stuff puts her under for good!  What if she never wakes up?  The nurse compassionately smirks and creeps closer to her with the needle.  Phyllis thinks that’s maybe what they all want!  Make it so she never wakes up!  Did Jack put her up to this?  “Omg, wouldn’t that make life so much easier.  Maybe you all just wish I’d never woken up,” she says, terrified.  She’ll think much more clearly after some rest, says the nurse chillingly.  Phyllis curls up on her bed, helplessly getting the shot in her arm.  “I don’t want to rest, I don’t want to sleep again,” she whimpers.  This is killing me.  If this were happening to old Phyllis, I would be laughing and throwing popcorn at the screen, but new Phyllis is freaking me out.  “I don’t want to be alone again,” she whispers. 

 

Jack sits wittle Summer down to explain that the transition for Phyllis has been harder than she knows.   There were things they didn’t realize were happening with her mom, things even Phyllis didn’t realize.  “Phyllis has been fighting some demons since she came out of the coma.”  See, I told you guys it was totally demons.  No matter how much Jack tells her he loves her, she thinks of Kelly as a threat.  But she’s not, says Summer.  Jack loves Mom.  Right, but PHYLLIS sees Kelly as a threat, and she’s been trying to keep her away from Jack.  “Recently, she…she went too far.  And we’re just trying to protect her and keep her safe.”

 

Summer freaks out!  WHERE IS MOM?  Avery says they put her in Fairview for an evaluation.  Jack and Avery explain that Phyllis tried to murder Kelly, so they’re trying to keep her out of prison with an insanity deal.  Just kidding, nobody tells her that.  Jack just says it’s their best option for “keeping her safe.”  “YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE?  WAAAH!!!” 

 

Avery says it was this or a jail cell.  “YOU are a LAWYER!!  YOU COULD FIX THIS!”  Well, that’s a good point, but Avery says this IS fixing it.  Summer waves her arms and screams that there is ALWAYS another way and they should have found it!  No, Phyllis is getting the help she needs, so she can get better and come home.  And once she’s home, Jack will NEVER let her go again, unless she poisons someone again or something.

 

Summer is like, bitch, PLEASE.  She quivery whine yells,  “HOME HERE?  With YOU?!  IT’S LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW MY MOM!  AFTER THIS SHE WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, AND SHE WILL NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN!  AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON’T BLAME HER!”  I guess she’ll have to move in with you in your free luxury apartment Jack bought you.

 

“Summer, please, you don’t know what your mother’s done,” and we’re not going to tell you.  “DO NOT PRETEND THAT THIS IS FOR MY MOTHER’S SAKE!  THIS IS FOR YOURS!  This is the EASY WAY OUT, putting MY MOM through HELL so you don’t have to FIGHT FOR HER!”  Summer…just said someone else was taking the EASY way out.  “YOU have given up on her once, and now you’re just going and doing it again.  What’s worse is last time you expected ME to give up on her, too.  Well, I am NOT giving up on her this time!”  WAAAH!!  She storms out.  Jack is crushed.

 

Austin’s looking for Joe Clark at the club.  Kelly hasn’t seen him today.  Austin got a haircut, it looks much better.  He’ll hang out and wait for him.  Kelly asks if Summer’s okay.  She does worry about her.  She reminds him  how she convinced Jack to be at their wedding, so…  Austin finally breaks down and gets to say stuff he’s not allowed to say around baby Summer.  “What happened to you, and how Jack handled it…it wasn’t right.”  Kelly breezily says love and life are complicated, and we try to handle it as best we can with no regrets.   Austin knows a little about regrets.  He haltingly admits that Phyllis coming home, I mean, it was a miracle and all…but it’s a complicated miracle.  Kelly lights up. “Complicated?  How?”

 

Dylan finds Joe at the club so he can gloat.  They gelled his hair STRAIGHT UP so he can look taller, I think.  “I just came to offer my services in case you need a shoulder to cry on,” he says.  “Well, no tears from me,” smiles Joe.  Dylan tries to needle him about all the time and effort he put into this deal, like he’s really going to rattle this guy’s cage.  “Real estate deals come and go.  Shoulda just been business, but it got messy,” Joe says.  “Much cleaner now that the warehouse deal is off the table.” 

 

“Isn’t it a SHAME that you don’t have a reason to stay in Genoa City and keep hittin’ on my fiancée?”  Joe smirks.  “Avery said I hit on her?” he asks with interest.  You think Dylan didn’t notice it himself?  Dylan notices stuff, okay?  “Then why aren’t you two off celebrating with your espresso machine?” asks Joe. Oh, Dylan’s saving the champagne and confetti for when Joe CHECKS OUT, since he has NO reason to stick around.  Avery’s not interested!  “Well, I’m not chasing her.  That’s in your head.  And I made that very clear to her yesterday…when she was in my room.”  Ooo, that was a gut punch.

 

Nikki gets home and joyfully tells Victor she told Dylan about the warehouse deal.  It was a GIFT being able to tell him that.  Well, Victor wants to ADD to that.  It’s like Christmas around there, and Jill Abbott has the money to buy Chancellor.  So now Chancellor Industries is in her incapable hands.  He thinks Katherine would be happy about it.  Nikki says it will probably please Katherine just that it might make Jill crazy again!  She’s wearing a ruby ring the size of a dinner plate.  Victor says now that it’s her company,  he can concentrate on HIS company, and his family.

 

Summer blazes in.  “Mom is at Fairview.  They said it was either THAT or jail because she’s been Acting Out, and Jack said it was because of the treatment that YOU tricked ME into signing for!!!”  Whoa, hold your horses, her mom is back in this town because of HIM.  Nikki says never say anything you would regret later.  Lol  Now Summer’s confused.  Victor hugs her and she apologizes.  “Just know that I will help her.  I helped her before, and I will help her again.”  He helped her right into a mental breakdown.

 

“She was IN your room?” asks Dylan.  Oh, yeah.  And Joe made it very clear he didn’t come to town to chase her OR to ruin HIM.  Oh, and he wants her to laugh again and tried to unbutton her blouse to get that fancy necklace on her.  “This is something you had to discuss in your suite?” snaps Dylan.  HE HAS A REVELATION!  “It was before the deal was killed,” he realizes.  He seems to have COMPLETELY forgotten that he also plausibly THREATENED TO MURDER JOE before the deal was killed.  Maybe they should toss him in with Phyllis.

 

Joe says they had to hash things out.  “You know, some conversations aren’t meant to be had in the lobby of a hotel bar.”  Especially naked conversations, but that’s just implied.  Dylan’s starting to snort like a bull.  “Look, Avery and I were married.  We have history.   And I’d like to think we’re like other civil, divorced couples, and not get sucked into the negativity.  But clearly, YOU have an issue with that.”

 

Dylan’s brow lowers.  He’s getting tomatoey.  “Oh, you want to put this on ME NOW?  All this polite chatter?  IT’S A BUNCH OF CRAP, JOE!  IT’S A JOKE!” “Man, you spin out fast,” chides Joe.  Maybe that’s why she didn’t tell him about their conversation.   Well, that’s it.  Dylan points at him.  “We’re done!”  He starts heading out the door, but Joe says, “You won, Dylan!  You get to keep your coffee house.  If you can’t be happy about that, what can you be happy about?”  Dylan pouts and leaves.

 

Austin talks about how Summer kept him a secret from her mom, and Jack kept Kelly a secret from Phyllis…”Who the hell can keep up with all the secrets?”  That’s like two.  Two secrets, Austin.  You’re not going to make it in this town.  Hey, remember when he kept it a secret that he was stalking Avery?  Kelly says it’s awkward, to say the least.  But she reminds him the doctors did say Phyllis would be in a fragile state.  “Yeah, but meanwhile, all I ever heard was how tough she was,” says Austin, who clearly doesn’t get why they have to do all this pussyfootin’ around.  Umm, so you don’t get POISONED, that’s why.

 

“A person can be tough and fragile at the same time,” says Kelly.  It’s the human condition.  He thinks she’s sure been cool about the whole thing.  “Not that cool,” protests Kelly honestly.  But one thing she does know is that Jack and Summer have a Real Bond, regardless of blood.  As evidenced by her lack of rent.  She really hopes they can be there for each other through all of this.  Austin says Summer’s with Jack right now, concerning Phyllis…and he’s kinda scared about what it could be this time.  You should be afraid, Austin, very afraid.  That whine factory lives in your apartment.

 

Avery tries to comfort Jack.  What he told Summer was TRUE, this is the BEST way, the ONLY way to help Phyllis at this point.  Leaving the country would have been my preferred way, but no one ever listens to me.  (I’m looking at you, Adam.)  Jack goes on a massive guilt trip.  “Victor didn’t do this.  I did this.”  He didn’t see this coming, he didn’t get her help in time, and now they’re stuck with this trauma and chaos!  Avery’s like how were WE supposed to know?!  They didn’t KNOW to monitor her for sociopathic side effects, and that’s VICTOR’S fault. 

 

“Victor didn’t give up on Phyllis, and I did,” says Jack.  It doesn’t matter why, she came home.  “I brought another woman into her home, her BED,” he chokes out.  “She knew I was keeping her at arm’s length.  I went on and on about how I was doing it for HER sake.  She knew.  She knew I was protecting my choice.  There shouldn’t have been a choice, dammit!”  If he’d given her the love and support she needed, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!  And that is the truth!  “This is MY fault,” he chokes, and runs off.

 

Phyllis is sedated on her bed, remembering her first day on the job.  She REMEMBERS Jack saying goodbye to her in the coma, crying and saying she’d always be in his heart.  Then she remembers Summer whimpering next to her bed after she crashed the wedding.  “You came back to me, Mom, I don’t want to lose you again.”  Then she remembers seeing Victor at the clinic when she opened her eyes.  “Phyllis?” he asked.  Wow, that sounded really real…because he’s IN HER ROOM NOW.  She turns and looks at him.  “Everything will be fine, K?  You’ll be alright,” he says softly, like she’s a shelter rescue.  HOW THE HELL DID HE GET IN THERE?  They toss out her fiancée and next of kin/attorney, but Victor Newman can materialize anywhere he damnwell pleases, I guess.

 

Phyllis is kind of out of it because syringes.  “I’ve come to visit you, alright?  Now the nurse has given you some sedatives so you can relax, but I came here as soon as Summer told me what happened.”  The mention of Summer rouses Phyllis quite a bit.  Victor says don’t worry about Summer, she’s alright.  He’s here to help her.  “Victor…you go to hell.”  So Phyllis still has her wits about her.

 

Jack races into the club to have an emotional conversation with Kelly in the middle of the restaurant.  He tells her Phyllis has been admitted to Fairview.  “WHAT?  She’s been committed?”  Nooo, she admitted herself [kicking and screaming] voluntarily on legal advice, and she’s getting a full psycho workup.  Kelly never thought it would come to this!  She TOLD Paul she didn’t want to press charges!  Jack says Fairview was their best option.  Kelly says she must be terrified.  First in a clinic, now an institution!  WOE!  This is all because of HER, she opines.  She should have left town immediately!  Jack comforts her on cue, and says this is NOT her fault.  “Well, it’s not YOUR fault,” moons Kelly.  “You’ve been so caring, and so protective of her.  You’ve done everything you could.”  There’s something Jack should have told Kelly before, something she needs to know.  You were a huge mistake.

 

Summer rushes to Fairview to support her mother.  JUST KIDDING.  She sits on Nikki’s couch and whiiiiines about how this is like the FIRST time Summer lost her, feeling her slip her away.  Summer, Summer, Summer.  Nikki says Phyllis is a fighter.  She’s brave, she’s strong, and she ADORES Summer.  She has every reason to work hard and come back to them.  “Waaah, waaah, waaah,” says Summer.  “Grandma, can we be honest?  Just…the complete truth?”  Nikki hesitates.  Liiiike…YOU be honest…or me?

 

Avery comes rushing into Crimson Lights.  FINALLY, some good news!  She just heard about the warehouse district remaining crummy for generations to come!   Yeah, Nikki told him earlier, Dylan says gruffly.  Avery gushes that Nikki must have gotten through to Victor somehow, but really, “It was YOU!  Your [tantrums]driving force, and [death threats] determination!  AND the fact that people love you!”  Does she really think that?  YES!  It was the TOWN that wanted the best for him!  The little town that could. 

 

She tries to hug him, but he pushes her away.  What’s wrong, Dylan?!  “I’m not getting the whole story, am I?  My niece’s christening.  You were in Joe’s room, instead of with me.”   Avery stares, all busted like.  “Victor didn’t just suddenly change his mind.  Did you make Joe a better offer?” he snaps.  WHACK!  She slaps him!  Avery’s quite the slapper, isn’t she?

 

“What the hell is wrong with you??  THAT’S who you think I am?  I made a trade for your business, because that’s a thing I do??”  He logically says that Joe put a lot of effort into saying nothing happened.  NOTHING DID HAPPEN.  “He tricked you into his room once!  You’re the smartest person I know, so how exactly did you go back there knowing just what he wanted?”  She throws her coat back on.  Really?  This is where they are now?  Accusations and suspicions?!  “Because you keep going back to his room behind my back and not telling me!  After a while it looks like there may be a reason for that!”  Could it beeee….your angry tomato temper?

 

Austin meets up with Joe.  He’s got the rough cut of his video.  “Change of plans, don’t need it,” he says casually.  Umm, what?  “Don’t need it.”  Austin’s like what’s going on?  It’s the content they discussed.  “Eh, don’t want it anymore,” says Puddy.  But it’s DONE.  Joe pats him on the shoulder.  “Good for you.”  Sooo, that’s it, he’s just gonna walk away?  “Yeah, looks like it, Alan.”  Lol  “It’s AUSTIN, and that’s not gonna happen.”  Joe looks at him like he’s going to crush a bug.

 

Nikki tells Summer that she hopes they’re always honest with each other, but she understands sometimes life is difficult.   Liarz gonna lie.  Summer whines about what a [bitch] mess she was before the coma, when she bullied that kid, Jamie, and when she wrecklessly caused Chelsea’s miscarriage.  And then when Mom was IN the coma, everyone said how WELL she was handling it, just because she wasn’t doing anything awful to anyone.  She was just drug tripping down the stairs and aiding and abetting a felon.  But the truth is she WASN’T handling it well.  REALLY??

 

The thing is she was SOOOO DESPERATE for someone to keep her from falling apart, that she wound up running away with a stalker.  Oh, wait, scratch that, she wound up depending on SHARON, the one reason she didn’t have her mom.  WAAAAHHHH!!!!  And now she’s thinking about what SHARON is DOING TO FAITH.  “Typical, selfish Sharon,” says Nikki.  But Summer can BE THERE for Faith and hold her hand and tell her everything is going to be okay! And then she can stand up in court and try to get Sharon cut out of her life.  She can tell the truth about what Sharon is capable of, like saving your life and cutting your “work” hours.

 

Nikki gently explains that the court won’t revolve around just what Summer says.  But Summers OWES IT TO THE WORLD to tell about Sharon to make up for being SO STUPID.  Oh, Summer, nothing will ever make up for you being so fucking stupid.  WAAH, BLAAH, WAAH.  She just left herself wide open, begging to be loved.  Nikki’s like…is this about…Austin?  OF COURSE NOT.  She didn’t beg him to love her and have sex with her and marry her.

 

“This is all you,” whispers Phyllis.  “What I did..because of you.”  Victor’s like, wait a minute, YOU had issues with Kelly Andrews.  “She was poisoned.  It was either here or prison.”  That’s all??  Victor says she’ll be out of there in a few days!  When she gets out, all the friends that waited for her before, will wait for her again.  “I should have just stayed in the clinic, asleep.”  That’s ABSURD.  Genoa City wouldn’t be the same without her!  Better off, she says.  “You’ve got to snap out of this!” says Victor.  “It’s your force of nature that saved you!”  You saved me, she whispers.

 

Jack tells Kelly he gave up on Phyllis, and that’s a mistake he will NEVER make again.  “How wonderful of you to be so strong for her,"she gushes. Seeing Phyllis spin out like that must have been so difficult for you.”  Jack says PHYLLIS is the strong one.  She’s saved his life more times than he can count, just by being part of it.  And when the coma took her…he TOLD himself he could move on.  That was a lie!  He never moved on!  Every time she thought he was holding on to Phyllis, she was RIGHT.  He sniffed that Red Menace perfume like a mofo.  It was WRONG of him to drag her into his mess, and WRONG of him to give her hope for a future together, because there NEVER WAS ONE.

 

Kelly’s like, uhh..before Phyllis came back--  “That wasn’t REAL!  That was some make believe version of what love is supposed to look like!  With flowers, and violins and clichés and images of romance.  The real stuff, the tough stuff, the bitch stuff…that wasn’t there.”  Kelly has tears, but she’s calm.  She’s not sure if it’s guilt or shame clouding his memory, but it WAS real.  And it WASN’T all roses.  They did the work, they made the commitment, and it was wonderful.  And he has no reason to feel guilty about that!  “You DESERVED to be happy.  We both did.  We both still do.”  Jack flaps.

 

Kelly says they were both lonely and fragile…and maybe a little bit broken.  Maybe?  But they helped each other heal.  “WE gave each other HOPE.  And it was REAL.  And it SAVED US.”  Alright, he needs to shut this down.  They have NO FUTURE TOGETHER EVER EVER EVER.  And if maintaining a cordial relationship has misled her, he’s sorry.  Maybe they need to keep their distance.  Maybe?  Because they HAVE NO FUTURE TOGETHER.  NO FUTURE.  TOGETHER.  LIKE, TAYLOR SWIFT EVER.

 

“I don’t know, Jack.  Life is long.  When a connection is real, it’s impossible to predict what might happen,” she says softly.  NO, IT ISN’T.  Because his connection is with PHYLLIS.  It always has been, it always will be.  NO ONE ELSE.  Kelly finally looks sad. He walks away.

 

“You commissioned a project, and I worked my ass off, and now YOU PAY ME, one professional to another,” Austin demands.   Is that what he considers himself?  “You pour drinks.  I did you a favor by even considering you had a legit skill.  After what you did to Avery, kidnapping her, holding her at gunpoint… and then you get her niece to save your hide?  You should put THAT on your resume…Professional.”  Joe really turns on a dime.  Austin screws his face up like a five year old, because he’s been living with Summer too long.   Joe pulls a couple bills out of his wallet and drops them on the floor.  Pick those up, you stalker peasant.

 

Summer assures Nikki that her DESPERATION AND BEGGING TO BE LOVED only applies to Sharon and has NOTHING to do with her manipulating Austin into marrying her.  They do bicker occasionally over him being one of the poors, but that’s it.   Nikki from the block asks if he understands that she was raised differently and is rich and super special compared to him?  Oh, yes.  That it sounds like everything is how it should be.

 

Yeah, if only Mariah would keep her paws off him.  Well, that has to stop immediately!  Don’t worry, Summer’s already taken care of it with her trusty bullying skills.  Mariah’s just a mess like her mom, and tomorrow she’s going to testify at the custody hearing how wonderful and great she is, and SUMMER will be saying the truth. 

 

“Few people deserve the respect that you do,” Victor tells Phyllis.  She has focus, she has fought all KINDS of odds against her!  “I would call you almost ruthless, and I mean that as a compliment!”  lol  “You’ll get over this, I know you will.”  Phyllis says Jack thinks she belongs there.   Victor’s like, omg!  “Who cares what JackAbbott wants?  You’re Phyllis Newman!  You’ve overcome worse than this!”  The way they’re sitting, it’s like he’s the devil on her shoulder. 

 

“Listen, you just rest a little longer, K?  Then, when the time comes, you tell the doctors what they want to hear.  I know you know how to do that!”  That’s actually capital advice.  “Then just know someone is waiting for you on the outside, who has faith in you.  An ally.”  Phyllis slowly turns to him.  “That easy?”  Oh, it’s not gonna be EASY, but he knows she can do it.  So, just remember, he’ll  be waiting for her.  This is an interesting mental hospital that lets you collude with Satan like this.  He walks out, and runs into JACK in the hallway.  They stare!

 

Dylan says, come on, Joe is a PRO at playing at innocent.  And how he just let it “slip out” that she was in his room, AGAIN.  And of course, Dylan took the bait without hesitation.  “I had to stand there like a chump and listen to what my fiancée is keeping from me!”  Avery explains she was trying to get a taped confession to prove Joe was behind Dylan’s attack.  JUST KIDDING.  She just yells DO NOT let Joe make this about him.  Dylan knows DAMN WELL that everything she’s done has been for HIM!  “What, fighting my battles for me because I can’t!”  It seemed more like she was trying to STOP you from fighting and killing your battles.  Avery says there shouldn’t BE a battle!  JOE IS NOT RELEVANT!  Come on, he was her husband.  “EX!  EX! EX-husband for a reason!”  “For a guy who worked too much, he sure has a lot of time on his hands!” he yells.  Point to Dylan.  Why are they fighting when they should be celebrating, asks Avery. 

 

Her phone rings.  THAT’S WHY.  It’s JOE again, so why doesn’t she answer it?  He storms in the kitchen, so Avery DOES answer it.  Way to make your case, counselor.  Joe thinks he may have screwed up.  “I would never do anything to cause you trouble, but I let it slip that you were in my room,  and you know how Dylan gets.  He just spun out.  I tried to talk him down, but, I’m sorry.”  And Joe’s also glad this deal he fought for since day one is dead, because it was never about paybacks.   Even her cheating was Joe’s fault, not Dylan’s, and he knows that.  And it was also his fault how this deal went down.  “One of these days I’ll get it right,I promise.”  Wow, that was a lot of bullshit in one paragraph, but Avery eats it up with a spoon.

 

Summer comes in, and silly Austin thought he was going to get to tell her his story about getting screwed over by Joe.  Then he sees Summer’s toddler crying face.  What happened??  Well, “Waaah!  WAAH, WAAH WAH WAH. ME ME! WAAH, WAH WAAAAH!  WA-WA-WAH!  ME ME ME!!  WAH WAWA WAAAAH!  MEEEE!!!  WAAAAHHHH!!!!”  Omg, since they can’t waterboard terrorists anymore, they could just show them THIISSSS!!!!!

 

Austin grabs her hyperventilating face.   “HEY!  I PROMISE that whatever will make you STFU, that is the truth!”

 

Ohh, maudlin music plays now.  You are like the rain…soggy aaaaand annoying…  Avery and Dylan have an amazing staring contest.  Did someone forget their lines?  You go, NO, YOU go.  Avery gives up and flounces out.  So Dylan continues the staring contest with himself.  It’s LONG.  Seriously, you guys, I started to check my watch, and I don’t even wear a watch.  Still staring.  <Peach gets a Diet Coke from the kitchen>  Still staring. 

 

OMG.  HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THE PSYCHO VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY IN THE BACKGROUND???  WHO DOES THAT? 

 

“What are you doing here, Victor?” asks Jack.  “Don’t you start that nonsense,” says Victor,  “What happened to Phyllis is your responsibility.  YOU are the reason she’s in here.”  Jack grimaces.  “You’re right.  It’s all on me.”  Victor’s like, wait..what??  “What did I hear you say?  You’re taking responsibility for this?”  Oh, Jack wanted to blame Victor.  Boy, did he.  Dr. Cutler, the medication, all of it.  “But you know what?  The Great Love Of My Life is in this place, behind that door.  Lost and confused, no idea what she’s done or how to get better.  And the person that drove her there…that was me,” he says emotionally.  Jack is the anti-Nick.

 

“Well, I’llbedamned, Jack.  First time I’ve heard you admit having done something wrong.  Good.”  WHAAAT IS GOING ON TODAY?!   Jack and I are making the same face.

 

The maudlin music still plays…Nothing in my life will ever be the saaaame, never again… while Phyllis pulls off her unpawned engagement ring.   They really trust hospitals, don’t they?  She curls up hugging her pillow, and tears run down her face.  Omg, feelz.  *I* want to tell Phyllis it will be okay.  HOW is this happening?  THIS SHOW IS MELTING MY BRAIN.

 

Jack has one more thing to say.  “I should have been the one that brought Phyllis back to the world, that woke her up and gave her her life back.  That was you.  THIS TIME, I will help Phyllis.  I will bring her back home.”  Victor raises his eyebrows.  “Well, good luck to you.”  He gets on the elevator and the doors shut dramatically before he descends back into Hell.  Jack leans his head sadly on Phyllis’ door.  You killed Romeo, and that Romeo was meeee….