Kate: Chrissy Metz

[Hanahope]

On 10/1/2016 at 9:14 PM, Tiger said:

Hmmm, well maybe part of the problem is that the science and medical communities are constantly changing their dietary guidance and often pulling a "whoops, that thing we told you to eat more of two years ago is actually really bad".  

This is why you can't solely blame the parents.  Parents, for the most part, do try their best.  But getting conflicting information or wrong information doesn't help.  I know my mom tried to get me to eat/diet as a kid.  Sometimes it worked, but mostly not.  The diet meals for lunch and breakfast were equaled with fattening food for dinner (because my dad liked it).  Even if I "dieted" for lunch, I could always buy deserts at school, or go to a friend's house.  The support group I attended as a teen only taught me to literally starve myself.  Sure I lost weight, then I gained it back when I went to college.

 

On 10/2/2016 at 9:35 AM, random chance said:

Unless you're a woman, because as it turns out this doesn't work for us like it does for men - exercise alone is not going to do it. (A study last year: women who added an hour of exercise a day and changed nothing else gained weight. And no, not muscle weight.) We burn fewer calories a day than scientists used to believe we did, exercise doesn't help as much as they thought it did,

Well now, that's why the past two years I've been working out the gym didn't do a damn bit of good.  Almost have to wonder wtf do I do now.

I just have to say that I'm glad that more overweight and obese women are getting on the screen.  And the writers for this show are really nailing it so far with Kate's story.

Edited October 18, 2016 by Hanahope

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Hanahope said:

This is why you can't solely blame the parents.  Parents, for the most part, do try their best.  But getting conflicting information or wrong information doesn't help.  I know my mom tried to get me to eat/die as a kid.  Sometimes it worked, but mostly not.  The diet meals for lunch and breakfast were equaled with fattening food for dinner (because my dad liked it).  Even if I "dieted" for lunch, I could always buy deserts at school, or go to a friend's house.  The support group I attended as a teen only taught me to literally starve myself.  Sure I lost weight, then I gained it back when I went to college.

 

I really hope this is a typo. ;)

[Hanahope]

1 minute ago, deaja said:

I really hope this is a typo. ;)

Fixed!  :D

[ClareWalks]

As a personal trainer, I can attest that exercise alone does nothing except make you better at exercise. Which, if that's your goal, is fantastic. But weight loss is done in the kitchen, for sure. And anything called "The _____ Diet" is probably a bad idea, because a lot of those plans have you eating like a weirdo somehow for some period of time (like, no carbohydrates whatsoever for 4 weeks, or something). Eating like a weirdo won't help, either. Eating healthy whole foods in smaller quantities throughout the day is the trick. The gym is great for toning up but for actually losing weight/fat it is a distant second priority. (I realize this may put me out of a job, LOL)

[jbrecken]

I hope at some point they point out that she shares a name with a member of the B-52's.  (although Pearson and Pierson are spelled differently)

[SnarkyMcSnarkerson]

On ‎9‎/‎30‎/‎2016 at 9:09 AM, luna1122 said:

I think she's beautiful too (my honey said 'she's big, but she's way too pretty for that guy'). And yes, she's obese. But you really think she has two hundred lbs to lose? what do you figure she weighs, 350-375 lbs? I don't think she's that big.

 

I expect the weight issue to be a factor in her storyline. I just hope it's not the ONLY factor. Plenty of fat people have plenty of other things going on in their lives, and are even happy, some of the time. Constant bemoaning and crying and fat-shaming herself cannot be all Kate is about. Please.

I'm not quite as large as Kate after I lost 30 pounds, but I'm still around 370 and a little taller than 5'7", so I think 350-375 is very possible given that the actress is about 5'5" according to another poster here.

I get a kick out of listening to skinny, never-fat, people guess fat people's weight - they have no idea! Like only sumo wrestlers could ever be more than 300 pounds lol

[ClareWalks]

10 minutes ago, SnarkyMcSnarkerson said:

I get a kick out of listening to skinny, never-fat, people guess fat people's weight - they have no idea! Like only sumo wrestlers could ever be more than 300 pounds lol

I think guessing people's weight is something people are either good at or they aren't. It's amazing how people underestimate my weight (If I'm 5'11" and a lean 160, people think I weigh 125, WTF? I'd be SKELETAL), and it's not because they're trying to be kind. People are just really, really bad at visually estimating lean mass vs fat mass and calculating how much that would weigh, especially if someone's height is quite different from theirs. I totally believe Chrissy Metz is in the 350-400 range, because she is built somewhat like Whitney Thore (UGH, THAT woman). 

And congrats on the weight loss Snarky! :)

Edited October 24, 2016 by ClareWalks

[Guest]

Chrissy looks like 400 to me, from watching Extreme Weight Loss.  Some sites that come up on Google put her at just under 400, though who knows where they get their info.  The one I saw doesn't list a source.  

I don't shame her for embracing her weight but I feel bad that she does, given it's way past aesthetics.  Her life is in danger.  I know how real the struggle is but I can't help but wonder if you have the resources for medical and other help, why not go there?  Not that bariatric surgery or a lifestyle makeover are simple things but I think I'd try anything.  Though maybe she has.  Usually the "how" of weight loss isn't the problem, it's the motivation to live it out.  Eating is comforting.  That's in our DNA.  

And would she be getting roles if she weighed 200 lbs.?  Not the last two, I don't think.  For sure not AHS.  

[chocolatine]

1 hour ago, Winston9-DT3 said:

I don't shame her for embracing her weight but I feel bad that she does, given it's way past aesthetics.  Her life is in danger.  I know how real the struggle is but I can't help but wonder if you have the resources for medical and other help, why not go there?  Not that bariatric surgery or a lifestyle makeover are simple things but I think I'd try anything.  Though maybe she has. 

Maybe she has, and/or is, trying to lose weight for medical reasons, but why can't she be a happy and self-confident person regardless of her weight? Her happiness doesn't have to be contingent on her weight. Many people deal with a variety of medical issues without it directly affecting their happiness and feeling of self-worth.

[PRgal]

2 hours ago, SnarkyMcSnarkerson said:

I'm not quite as large as Kate after I lost 30 pounds, but I'm still around 370 and a little taller than 5'7", so I think 350-375 is very possible given that the actress is about 5'5" according to another poster here.

I get a kick out of listening to skinny, never-fat, people guess fat people's weight - they have no idea! Like only sumo wrestlers could ever be more than 300 pounds lol

As a never-fat person, I get a kick out of people freaking out when they find out my weight/guess my weight/dress size (funnier when they find out my shoe size, though not funny when they find it gross or suggest that I shop in kids' stores for shoes).  Anyway, totally off topic, so let's get back on! :)

[Guest]

1 hour ago, chocolatine said:

Maybe she has, and/or is, trying to lose weight for medical reasons, but why can't she be a happy and self-confident person regardless of her weight? Her happiness doesn't have to be contingent on her weight. Many people deal with a variety of medical issues without it directly affecting their happiness and feeling of self-worth.

Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest she should be unhappy or lack confidence.  I just mean she seems to suggest in interviews that she's content with her weight.  I wouldn't like to see anyone content with any curable, deadly condition.  

[chocolatine]

1 minute ago, Winston9-DT3 said:

Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest she should be unhappy or lack confidence.  I just mean she seems to suggest in interviews that she's content with her weight.  I wouldn't like to see anyone content with any curable, deadly condition.  

We're all going to die eventually, and while a healthy lifestyle helps your odds, there are no guarantees. Maybe she's found that trying to lose (and keep off) weight is too much of an everyday struggle, or maybe she has other medical conditions that rule out bariatric surgery for her, so she decided to make peace with her weight and enjoy whatever time she has.

I'm not saying that you're wrong, just that for some people perceived quality of life is more important than longevity. (I come from a family where most people die in their early 60s regardless of weight or lifestyle, so it's a subject my family and I have been discussing at length.)

[HeySandyStrange]

14 minutes ago, Winston9-DT3 said:

Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest she should be unhappy or lack confidence.  I just mean she seems to suggest in interviews that she's content with her weight.  I wouldn't like to see anyone content with any curable, deadly condition.  

People chain smoke, drink, tan, and do a million and one other things that are questionable for their health and can lead to a shortened life. However, as long as they aren't harming anyone else, what of it (well, smokers, but to be fair they are a semi-dying breed)? Chrissy Metz weight isn't harming anyone but herself, if it is, so it is on her. I'm sure if she wants to, she can and will lose it.

And before it is said, I highly doubt seeing one or two actors/actresses on tv is going to "normalize" obesity so that it will ever become the norm to want to be/stay overweight or obese. Trust me, the amount of thinspiration blogs and websites tell me that it is the complete opposite and it will remain that way.

[Guest]

I wish smokers would find it in themselves to not be content with their condition, too.  I'm not suggesting she's harming anyone or normalizing morbid obesity.  I'm wishing her the motivation to get healthier, period.  Not shaming, not judging.  I struggle with my share of bad habits.  I know it's not easy and you just can't know for sure until you've walked in their shoes what all is at play.  

[ShadowFacts]

Addictions are tough, some people can beat them, some never do.  Overeating may be the most challenging of all; you can quit drugs or alcohol or tobacco cold turkey, but you can't quit eating.  You have to do it every day.  I quit smoking many years ago, and I lost 20% of my body weight and have kept it off for 5 years so far, and unequivocally that has been harder, because of the eating every day part.  Smoking is in the rearview mirror, but eating is never going to be.  Chrissy may be content at her weight, or she may just say it, but I think being content and accepting oneself is a healthier way to start working at a problem than self-loathing. 

[Guest]

I totally agree but I don't think anyone here has suggested she should be self-loathing, or anything close.  There's a long way between discontent with your weight and self-loathing.  

Though it's probably true that Metz herself only claims to be content with her size because it's good for marketing herself.  I've been 50 lbs. overweight and lost it, and I can't even imagine carrying around 5 times that much excess weight.  

[HeySandyStrange]

2 hours ago, Winston9-DT3 said:

Though it's probably true that Metz herself only claims to be content with her size because it's good for marketing herself.  I've been 50 lbs. overweight and lost it, and I can't even imagine carrying around 5 times that much excess weight.  

Honestly, I think being or not being content with you size has a lot to do with your personality. I myself have had a life long struggle with weight gain and loss, and I have my self-esteem issues because of it. I've know people, however, who were overweight and happy and confident with themselves. I believe it really comes down to a difference in personality, as well as culture. Some people just have big, confident personalities like perhaps Chrissy Metz has, some people are more shy or sensitive.

I also have to say, losing weight is not a cure-all for your self-esteem or emotional problems. I know this first hand and I've heard others say it as well. The problems don't disappear with the weight, most the time they were the cause of the weight gain in the first place. My hope is that, in the show, they confront this by having Kate get some therapy. The psychological component to overeating/obesity is so often ignored that it would refreshing to see that tackled and not just leave it at Kate is a whiny loser with no control.

[taragel]

I think Metz has also said in interviews though, that although she's accepting of herself as she is right now, she would like to lose the weight and may go through the same weight loss journey as her character, and whether that's successful or not, she's going to take it in stride. Weight loss is a very long-term process, and for someone who is very obese and has been quite large ever since childhood, probably a lifelong struggle. So loving yourself even while you want to improve certain elements of your life seems pretty healthy to me. 

What looks like "content with her weight" because she's a happy, confident, charismatic person may not be content at all. Or not content every day. Chrissy has said this in interviews and I totally get it. Because you have to be happy right now in your daily existence even while you strive: 

"I truly believe that if you don’t accept yourself or where you're at, you can't get to the place where you want to be, or become the person you feel you're supposed to be. I go back and forth. I’m like, 'Yeah, I'm cool, it's fine!' And then, 'Ugh.' 

"I'm not ever gonna be a tiny girl, but I have an idea of a size that I would like to be. I've always had this idea in my mind, but at the same time, I'm not beating up myself. I'm not saying, 'I wish I was this, I wish I was that,' because it's counterproductive. Some women and some men feel comfortable being plus-size, or some people feel more athletic, etc. Whatever makes you feel good, that’s what I think you should pursue. I'm kind of in both worlds. Part of me wants to change, and part of me is like, 'No, I'm good.'"

[ribboninthesky1]

16 hours ago, ShadowFacts said:

Chrissy may be content at her weight, or she may just say it, but I think being content and accepting oneself is a healthier way to start working at a problem than self-loathing. 

 

52 minutes ago, taragel said:

What looks like "content with her weight" because she's a happy, confident, charismatic person may not be content at all.

Agreed.  I've long thought there was this false dichotomy in the public discourse around weight loss - you're either self-loathing, miserable, ever-striving in your progress or happy with no effort put forth.  This is why I'm uneasy with how they've written Kate thus far, and don't have much confidence in how they'll move forward with her.  I think someone mentioned elsewhere that Dan Fogelman consulted with his overweight sister(in-law?) on Kate's storyline.  While her experience is quite valid for her, it also doesn't mean only her experience is valid.

[romantic idiot]

This is true. As someone who has always been larger than average, I find the attitudes towards weight differing by so much e.g. it's the good looking / skinny people around me nowadays who are always obsessed with what they are eating and their millimetre of a tummy (till you wish they'd find a different? hobby). Whereas us overweight women tend to talk about our movies / books / work etc. while acknowledging weight. 

Also, after knowing someone who almost lost her health after losing weight drastically using appetite suppressants and having a cousin who looked older and harder after losing a ton of weight (that she admittedly needed to), I shudder when I hear folks talk about bariatric surgery (not saying I'm right to fear, just saying that it's something that gives me, personally, the willies).

[photo fox]

2 hours ago, ribboninthesky1 said:

While her experience is quite valid for her, it also doesn't mean only her experience is valid.

Oh, absolutely!

But at the same time, Kate is just one person, with one perspective and one experience.  As a quite overweight person myself, I totally understand that there are as many "ways" of being heavy as there are reasons for being heavy.  But at the end of the day, the writers have to create Kate as a character and then write for that character.  Kate can't tell every obese person's story, any more than Randall can tell every black person's story.

I like what Chrissy says in those quotes.  Yes, you can be happy and fulfilled and confident in most of your life, and still be unhappy with your weight.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, I don't think about weight at all.  But then something happens to remind me, and it's like running into a wall and it totally brings me low.  And that has zero to do with what anybody else thinks, and everything to do with how I feel.  (In fact, other than my closest friends/family, most people I know would probably say I'm "totally content" with my weight.  Um, WRONG!!!  I just keep it to myself.)

That's one thing I really like about how they're writing both Kates.  I think her weight is probably an even bigger deal in her head than it is to other people.  The whole thing with not wanting to go to the party, and then not wanting to dance, while her brother and her date didn't see what the problem was?  That rang absolutely true.

[JudyObscure]

15 hours ago, photo fox said:

 Kate can't tell every obese person's story, any more than Randall can tell every black person's story.

So very true.  Even allowing for a thousand different combinations of personality and life experience, Kate doesn't even represent  every larger body type.

I just went looking for evidence that weight doesn't effect lifespan all that much and found a disheartening NIH article that says "Class 3 obesity can shorten life by as much as 14 years."  Yikes.  Kate would be  "class 3" defined as a BMI over 40, because any weight over 240 for 5'5" puts her there.  What I'm used to hearing is that "overweight" people live longer than thin people.  Kate would have to lose down to 174 to be "overweight."

Even with such dire news, I still can't find fault  with another's health risk choices.  I used to hear the health speeches all the time while I was a fit (jumped rope for 30 minutes every morning, never sick) 5' 5" 110 pound, happy two pack a day smoker.  I finally managed to quit smoking and gained 70 pounds the first year.  The health advisors in my life didn't take a breath before switching to weight loss tips.  These very people ride around without seat belts.  They're asking me to spend the rest of my life hungry, but they can't take ten seconds to put on their belts!

We're all going to go sometime and quality of life means more than an a few extra years to many of us who are in the fat but not high risk area. It's been 20 years since I quit smoking and, to this day, I haven't had the overall sense of well being that I did then.  If Kate's story really gets into the emotional loss that she is going through, I'll be pleasantly surprised.  Food is nature's tranquilizer and she's been using since she was a child.  I'm not at all sure that football with Toby is half as relaxing and comforting as football with the urn and a big platter of snacks.

[random chance]

2 hours ago, JudyObscure said:

It's been 20 years since I quit smoking and, to this day, I haven't had the overall sense of well being that I did then. 

God, so true - and to this day a cigarette is the first thing I think of/want in a crisis, not food.

The big advantage that quitting smoking has over dieting is, you don't have to taunt yourself with a limited amount of smoking every day, and eventually the habit and longing at least fade a little and the daily battle becomes more bearable. But dieting - and weight maintenance for that matter - is like the cracker-counting girl that I suspect they were kind of making fun of: you can have x amount but you want y, so you need to constantly trick yourself and rein yourself in. So is it worth it? That's for everyone to decide for themselves, but someone like Kate who has to worry about chairs holding her weight has a lot more at stake than someone who wants to fit into their old jeans. To use a quote off tumblr: "Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard. Choose your hard."

[ClareWalks]

3 minutes ago, random chance said:

To use a quote off tumblr: "Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard. Choose your hard."

I like that a lot. Whenever I get together with a group of  women, they complain either about being "too fat" or about how awful their diet is. This is a good reminder that there's really no point in complaining so much, you just pick your path and go down it and try to stay positive. That's part of why a healthy body image is so important, because negativity is unproductive.

[Guest]

Oh man, I feel sorry for you guys who still miss smoking.  I quit smoking 13 years ago, after 23 years of it, and never miss it one bit.  I thank cognitive therapy techniques.   Smoking in and of itself never did a thing positive for me (except quench the addiction it created), it was just getting rid of the beliefs that it did.  

Being 400 lbs. has got to be a serious degradation in both quantity and quality of life.   But I know if you believe your only true comfort is overeating, you're going to choose that.  It's such a self-propagating problem-- I feel awful so I comfort with food, which makes me gain weight and feel more awful and need to comfort more with food...

[random chance]

There's a Frasier episode I can never watch again because it describes what I loved about smoking to perfection. Frasier fans will know which one I mean. The pros outweigh the cons though, so I'm not complaining. (Also I'm not sure I could afford it, these days.)

Someone mentioned this in the episode thread and I thought it was a good point: Toby is always making fun of her healthy meals. That's not good. All his other tapdancing to get into her good graces does not make up for mocking her meal choices.

[ClareWalks]

I have to congratulate all you guys on quitting smoking. It is a tough addiction to shake and requires incredible discipline, and I hope just the act of exhibiting that rare discipline has improved your self-esteem because you deserve it. :)

Being so heavy through a food addiction or comfort eating has to be tough. I've had times when I've weighed more (high weight 211 lb, so not horrible), but when I get stressed, I DON'T eat. I always kind of counted my blessings that I am not inclined to turn to food in times of stress or sorrow, because the thing is that anyone could be that way. It's just the way you are or aren't. I think most fat-shaming comes about because people know that "there but for the grace of God go I," and it scares the shit out of them, so they have to denigrate it so they feel like "that can't happen to me." It actually could, if you were less lucky. Really, the only difference between someone like Kate and someone like William is their drug of choice. And everyone has their "drug" or vice. 

[random chance]

Aw thanks ClareWalks! And I agree, I think there is an element of fear in fat-shaming.

[chocolatine]

57 minutes ago, random chance said:

Someone mentioned this in the episode thread and I thought it was a good point: Toby is always making fun of her healthy meals. That's not good. All his other tapdancing to get into her good graces does not make up for mocking her meal choices.

I can't stand Toby, but I think he's on to something about the meals, even though he expresses it poorly. It's been at least three times now that we've seen Kate make or order something that she doesn't like and is considered "extreme" diet food. I think a much healthier approach is to eat "normal" foods made of high quality ingredients, in reasonable portion sizes. That's why there are very few obese people in countries like France and Italy - people eat delicious food for every meal, just not too much of it.

[random chance]

8 minutes ago, chocolatine said:

I can't stand Toby, but I think he's on to something about the meals, even though he expresses it poorly. It's been at least three times now that we've seen Kate make or order something that she doesn't like and is considered "extreme" diet food. I think a much healthier approach is to eat "normal" foods made of high quality ingredients, in reasonable portion sizes. That's why there are very few obese people in countries like France and Italy - people eat delicious food for every meal, just not too much of it.

I agree with you completely - it is one of my pet peeves that people who diet on TV always insist on eating godawful food that has the same amount of calories as something that would actually taste good - but since that's how TV works, in-universe, I don't think he's complaining about that, (especially since he isn't offering up alternate same-calorie, better-tasting choices, and it's clear from his size that he has no clue either). I think he is merely undermining her effort to eat healthy low-calorie meals.

Edited October 26, 2016 by random chance
typo

[ShadowFacts]

1 hour ago, random chance said:

There's a Frasier episode I can never watch again because it describes what I loved about smoking to perfection. Frasier fans will know which one I mean. The pros outweigh the cons though, so I'm not complaining. (Also I'm not sure I could afford it, these days.)

Someone mentioned this in the episode thread and I thought it was a good point: Toby is always making fun of her healthy meals. That's not good. All his other tapdancing to get into her good graces does not make up for mocking her meal choices.

I was shocked recently when a guy in front of me at the checkout bought a carton of cigarettes for $74. 

As for the food, they should probably each just do their own thing and I don't see them getting much out of the group meetings.  It's getting old fast for me. 

[SnarkyMcSnarkerson]

1 hour ago, ClareWalks said:

I think most fat-shaming comes about because people know that "there but for the grace of God go I," and it scares the shit out of them, so they have to denigrate it so they feel like "that can't happen to me." It actually could, if you were less lucky. Really, the only difference between someone like Kate and someone like William is their drug of choice. And everyone has their "drug" or vice. 

Great insight on fat-shaming, ClareWalks! I hope they address the subtle issues that creates, as Kate's character would face them daily - the little stares and side-eyes, etc. It's so frustrating, because everyone struggles with their own vice, be it food, cigarettes, alcohol, controlling others, drugs, over-exercising - pick your poison! But only one of those is readily visible for every. single. person. you encounter each day. It's like taking your deepest, darkest, most shameful secret and writing it in block letters on your forehead so everyone knows it. I know that's asking a lot for the show to do, given the limited amount of time for each character in such a large, great cast, but it would be great.

[random chance]

11 minutes ago, SnarkyMcSnarkerson said:

It's like taking your deepest, darkest, most shameful secret and writing it in block letters on your forehead so everyone knows it.

35 minutes ago, ShadowFacts said:

I was shocked recently when a guy in front of me at the checkout bought a carton of cigarettes for $74.

Holy crap. I smoked two+ packs a day so yeah, I officially can no longer afford to lapse back into it.

And I can't figure out how to view a post with plain text so this is not next to the quote but, good point SnarkyMcsnarkerson. Even drunks can choose to look perfectly sober and respectable for however long they can stand to go without a drink. But you can't stop and start being fat at will.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, random chance said:

There's a Frasier episode I can never watch again because it describes what I loved about smoking to perfection. Frasier fans will know which one I mean. The pros outweigh the cons though, so I'm not complaining. (Also I'm not sure I could afford it, these days.)

Someone mentioned this in the episode thread and I thought it was a good point: Toby is always making fun of her healthy meals. That's not good. All his other tapdancing to get into her good graces does not make up for mocking her meal choices.

I don't like Toby making fun of her meals.  Some dieters prefer to stick to safer foods, like egg white & oatmeal pancakes, over having their usual breakfast but just 1/3 as much.  Some of us like volume.  And getting more protein is just good for satiety.  

I had to google up the Frasier scene.  Good scene!   Though for me all those things only trigger memories of pleasure because they're linked to the quenching of the nicotine addiction.  If you don't have that physical addiction anymore (which you don't, if you stopped smoking more than three days ago), those things aren't going to be any more pleasurable to you now than unwrapping a pack of toilet paper and spooling up a roll.  But the memories of quenching the addiction... ahh.  

But eating is always going to be associated with the pleasure of addressing a biological need.  It's a tough balance-- pleasure vs. utility, especially for all of us who tend toward 'all or nothing' thinking.  

[RachelKM]

 I don't like that Toby complains so much.  He even does it when they eat out together when I presume he ordered the meal himself.   Thus, it appears he is voluntarily dieting.  If he is choosing to diet then shut it motherfucker.  It is extremely rude to say that stuff about food Kate prepared for him which is in compliance with a diet he's choosing to follow.  If he's only eating the diet food in solidarity and would himself choose more moderate options, then he sucks at solidarity.  Either way, it's super annoying.

I don't know if Kate is on a specific diet, but she seems to hate most of what she eats herself.  I feel like she's channeling Rebecca in choosing foods that she finds unappetizing.  It harkens back to the grapefruit while the boys had cereal.  Kate seems to have internalized the notion that to diet is to suffer.   I guess it's possible that she has been placed on a very limited diet by a physician, but otherwise there are lots of healthy foods out there and many taste pretty good.  If you hate seaweed and kale, that is not the only way to eat healthy and low calorie.  Granted, if you hate all greens, it starts to get harder, but still. 

It is also possible that the very fact that raw, unadorned vegetables and grapefruit were given to her in the context of un-fun diet food while boys ate Lucky Charms has conditioned her to view health food as a punishment for being not thin.  In that case, it would be framed negatively for her and be the taste of disappointment (a phrase this hippie raised child reserves for carob - IT IS NOT CHOCOLATE YOU BASTARDS). 

Edited October 26, 2016 by RachelKM

[Fostersmom]

I 100% relate to Kate. I was/am Kate. I grew up with a very skinny single mom and younger sister. By the time I was 5, my grandmother made an appointment for me at a dietician and my mom actually took me. Let's just ignore the fact I ate the exact same meals my mom and sister had, same portions, and I wasn't a food sneaker (the same can't be said of my cousin who was trying to sneak a snack and got severe burns when she climbed up on an electric stove and put her palms on a burner that had just been turned off). I was in kindergarten, not exactly an age where you can buy your own junk food. As I got older, my mom started giving me skim milk, they had 2%. I got pita bread, they had regular bread. Yeah, it was the early 80's, obviously no one had learned what the hell a carb was yet. I got kool-aid full of nutrasweet, yum chemicals,  they had the sugar version. Nothing like making your elementary aged child feel like she was an outsider in her own home. I don't remember a time where my weight wasn't a topic my mom wasn't reminding me of on a regular basis. If you could just lose the fucking weight was something I heard my entire childhood, from about 6th grade on. And again, let's just ignore the fact I was in not 1, but 2, very competitive baton teams and spent hours a week practicing/competing for years, while my sister quit after a single summer. I was in so many physical activities one summer, I still remember the day I had spent pretty much the entire day outside either riding my bike or swimming, and then went to baton for a while, then left early for a completely unneeded swim lesson and was so physically drained, I puked in the pool. Awesome memory. By the time I was in junior high, 8th or 9th grade, my mom hauled me to the dietician again who looked at me and my sister and no shit, actually looked at my mom as asked if we had the same father. My mom's response was yes, why, don't your kids? and then she didn't even hesitate to continue with the appointment. I've had my thyroid tested numerous times over the years starting when I was like 6, because there HAD to be a reason I was heavy. Came back normal every time. 

When I got old enough to have a bit of money and could buy junk myself, I would buy 3 or 4 things at the corner store, and then eat one after the other in like a half an hour. I was fat any way, no one saw me as anything but, so what did it matter? I was almost 200 pounds by the time I graduated high school, I'm 5'4". I just kept gaining at that point. All thru college, and after I graduated and got a job. I went into retail management where I would spend 8 or 9 hours a day on my feet, running around stores, stocking shelves, building displays, more physical activity in a day than most people see in a week. I took a trip with my grandfather and when we came back I looked at the pictures of us and I saw myself, at 330 pounds, a size 26 or 28, and decided enough was enough. I know I will never be a size 4, probably not even a size 12, but have slowly been losing weight for MYSELF, not my mom, not strangers who still see me as fat, or doctors who still take every opportunity to remind me I have a weight problem. Hell, it's taken 8 years, but I'm down to 240 and a size 20. But, other than a few pounds of fluctuation here and there, it's been a sustained loss. I was 287 for like a year, which I considered a success, and then I started losing again. I was about 250 for a couple years until this summer when I got food poising in August and lost 8 pounds in a week. I'm at 240 and have been since then, a weight I haven't seen since 2000 or 2001. Meanwhile the doctor still took the opportunity to remind me of how much I weighed 6 weeks ago even though I had lost weight since first seeing her in July and when I told my mom I had lost 90 pounds from my heaviest, she wasted no time in saying that's great, it would be even better if I could get down to like 150 though. Literally the very next sentence. Seriously? What the fuck. And people wonder why us fat people need to be okay with ourselves and can't live by what others think. There's plenty of people just waiting to pounce to tell us how unacceptable our bodies are, I have to be on MY side. Because for every 1 person who will say congratulations, 90 pounds is awesome, there's 1000s judging what they don't know and have never experienced, but have deemed themselves as experts on how easy weight loss is if us fat people would just try. Even worse, I'm hesitant to get the handicapped parking placard I need due to having MS because I know all too well I'll be seen as someone too fat to walk, not as actually having a disability. At this point, my goal is a size that starts in a 1, then maybe a weight that starts in one too. Will it take another 8 years? I don't know. But I'd be perfectly okay with myself if I stayed this size and just didn't gain again. Most still see me as fat or obese, but I know where I came from and I'm good with it. 

I will say in regards to the scale discussion above. I have the crappiest, cheapest scale humanly possible. I bought a $6 plastic scale from Walmart like 10 years ago. Sure, at 330, it went all the way around the dial back up to the 30, but somehow, it's always been accurate. I really figured there was no way it was going to work, but it's always read pretty much what the doctor's office scale said within like 2 pounds, certainly not a make it or break it difference for me. Plus, it's lime green and matches my bathroom accessories! 

[random chance]

30 minutes ago, Fostersmom said:

Even worse, I'm hesitant to get the handicapped parking placard I need due to having MS because I know all too well I'll be seen as someone too fat to walk, not as actually having a disability.

You lost 90 pounds and you have the added stress of dealing with MS? Whoa, that is incredible.

[chocolatine]

14 minutes ago, random chance said:

You lost 90 pounds and you have the added stress of dealing with MS? Whoa, that is incredible.

Agree 100%. @Fostersmom, get that placard, and if anyone dares question you, give them the biggest stink eye you're capable of.

[ClareWalks]

@Fostersmom thanks for your story, I am very proud of your progress and your chutzpah! :) I agree, get the placard. Smart people know you can't get one without a legit reason, and dumb people aren't worth your time/attention.

No matter what someone's size, they can accomplish HUGE things, physically. My husband is a three-time Ironman triathlete, and when I've gone to watch him doing an Ironman (which is massive...2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run, in a 17-hour time limit), I've seen people of various shapes and sizes. I've seen rail-thin men (like, anorexic looking) finishing them, as well as women who are probably on the low end of the obese range. These are women who must be exercising about 30 hours a week, yet they are still heavy. It's not just about calories in/calories out for a lot of folks. (Those women, by the way, tend to be lightning fast on the swim. Holy crap. Like, they finish the swim shortly after the professional men!) And if you watch the end of a marathon, finishers in the 4-7 hour range will be a major diversity of sizes, going up to morbidly obese. 

[ShadowFacts]

8 hours ago, Fostersmom said:

Meanwhile the doctor still took the opportunity to remind me of how much I weighed 6 weeks ago even though I had lost weight since first seeing her in July and when I told my mom I had lost 90 pounds from my heaviest, she wasted no time in saying that's great, it would be even better if I could get down to like 150 though. Literally the very next sentence. Seriously? What the fuck.

I know you can't get a new mother, but can you get a new doctor?  The insensitivity . . . I would have a hard time working with a practitioner like that.  I have fired a couple doctors in my day.

[PRgal]

10 minutes ago, ClareWalks said:

@Fostersmom thanks for your story, I am very proud of your progress and your chutzpah! :) I agree, get the placard. Smart people know you can't get one without a legit reason, and dumb people aren't worth your time/attention.

No matter what someone's size, they can accomplish HUGE things, physically. My husband is a three-time Ironman triathlete, and when I've gone to watch him doing an Ironman (which is massive...2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run, in a 17-hour time limit), I've seen people of various shapes and sizes. I've seen rail-thin men (like, anorexic looking) finishing them, as well as women who are probably on the low end of the obese range. These are women who must be exercising about 30 hours a week, yet they are still heavy. It's not just about calories in/calories out for a lot of folks. (Those women, by the way, tend to be lightning fast on the swim. Holy crap. Like, they finish the swim shortly after the professional men!) And if you watch the end of a marathon, finishers in the 4-7 hour range will be a major diversity of sizes, going up to morbidly obese. 

I agree on the calories in/calories out (and genes, too).  I'm very tiny, yet I have people constantly on my back, telling me that I need to gain 5-10 lb.  I'm just built the way I'm built.  Women on my mom's side rarely weighed over 100 lb unless they've been pregnant (or are pregnant, of course) and/or are over 40.  We're mostly short (as in under 5'3"), too - except for my mother, who is 5'5".  And no, I'm not "lucky." 

I have never seen Chrissy in other roles, so I can't comment on her size outside of This is Us.  Maybe she isn't "naturally" as big as she is as Kate, but had to gain weight for the role, maybe she IS "supposed" to be this big.  I don't know.  But it isn't my job to say anything, just as it isn't other people's business to (randomly) comment on my weight.

Edited October 27, 2016 by PRgal

[Guest]

If Chrissy was my neighbor or client or something, I wouldn't comment on her weight.  But this is a tv show partly written to explore the issues surrounding obesity and this is a discussion board to discuss tv.  I don't think anyone's commenting on it in a bullying way, just in either a concerned way or in a thoughtful way.  Though maybe that isn't at all what you meant about "not my job to say anything".  

[random chance]

3 hours ago, Winston9-DT3 said:

If Chrissy was my neighbor or client or something, I wouldn't comment on her weight.  But this is a tv show partly written to explore the issues surrounding obesity and this is a discussion board to discuss tv.  I don't think anyone's commenting on it in a bullying way, just in either a concerned way or in a thoughtful way.  Though maybe that isn't at all what you meant about "not my job to say anything".  

I agree, and I've said it before on here - I'm commenting on the fictional character not the actor. If I knew the actor in real life I wouldn't say boo to her about her weight, and I'm not seeking her out online to comment on it.

[femmefan1946]

I think he's on to something about the meals, even though he expresses it poorly. It's been at least three times now that we've seen Kate make or order something that she doesn't like and is considered "extreme" diet food.

Her mother didn't have any clue about diet either. She was happy when little Kate said she had eaten nothing but fruit all day. And giving her a grapefruit when kids taste bitterness more than adults? She was (unknowingly) training her child to eat badly.

Kate seems to think the only acceptable foods are ones that taste bad. And has little concept of portion control.

[biakbiak]

She was happy when little Kate said she had eaten nothing but fruit all day.

Rebecca looked heartbroken in that scene when Kate said she only ate fruit.

[Fostersmom]

Thank you all for your support! I try not to pay too much attention to what others think, but at a certain point, it just gets to be enough. 

The thing with the diet foods is most aren't all that good for you when you look at what your body's not getting or what has been substituted in and out. Remember the rice cake fad? Tasted like cardboard. Snackwells were a hot trend, they were not any better than a regular cookie. Eating 4 eggs and half a pack of bacon, another trend. Frozen yogurt is not any healthier than ice cream. I remember my grandma giving us Tab to drink, god only knows what was in that crap. I'd love to give up my diet Coke habit, but I'm addicted to the caffeine. 

[JudyObscure]

Fostersmom, your story made me cry.  I thought of children like you when Mrs.  Obama started her campaign against childhood obesity.  I love Michelle Obama, but I think her good intentions were misplaced when she started to go to schools and talk to assemblies of children about obesity.  I pictured a lot of little children who were slightly more chubby than average, being made to feel self conscious and so "wrong," that the president's wife had to come and talk about them.  Even if we had any proof that eating more fruit and spending more time in sports made children thinner, I don't think anything is worth making a child feel unacceptable in her own own skin.

Is Kate supposed to be in Weight Watchers? Her experience seems so much worse than Betty Draper's in "Mad Men."  Betty took her group leader's words so much to heart, she repeated some of them back to her husband in a different context.  I think that may a big part of success.  If Kate is sitting there feeling angry and responding to other's remarks with sarcasm (either out-loud or to herself) then it's probably doing more harm than good.  Maybe she needs a different approach, like Overeaters Anonymous.  I've never been to either group but I picture OE as more tolerant of "negativity,"  which I would have plenty of. 

[Guest]

The fact that Kate mentioned that she had to weigh in makes me think it's supposed to be WW.  I don't think OA weighs you, though I know nothing about it.

The group does have some WW-like aspects, like members do get a chance to raise their hand and share some little victory or whatever, like the cracker counter did this episode.  And it does tend to get eye-roll-worthy quick, depending on your group and leader.  That cracker commentary went on longer than a WW leader would normally allow, I think.  They have to get through X things in Y minutes, it's not all member sharing time.  Also, you can weigh in and just leave, so if Toby and Kate find the meetings useless but the WW plan useful, they certainly don't have to attend.  

Assuming Kate is supposed to be new to WW, I think Betty's reaction is more typical than Kate's.  Usually, the meetings are great at first and you tire of the sharing portion over time.  Plus, someone Kate's size would be losing like gangbusters and really psyched about it, especially since we've seen her working the plan, not ignoring it.  She acts more like she's been going for many months on end and is on some interminable plateau.  

[JudyObscure]

What's everyone think of this new aspect of Kate's job as mentor to her boss's daughter? I didn't even realize the daughter was supposed to be "fat," until the plot unfolded.  Realistically, I think a teenage girl who was a few pounds overweight and was suddenly pushed toward a 36 year-old, 300 lb woman as though they were just alike and she should identify, would have every right to run crying to her room screaming, "I don't look like her!"

[ClareWalks]

I appreciated a bit more backstory with the Kate/Rebecca dynamic, weight-wise. I liked that Rebecca just made a few totally human mistakes in her interactions with Kate, but they had these long-lasting repercussions. Nobody is perfect and everyone has their own perspective on it. It is kind of scary, though, that small comments can mean so much to kids. I better watch what I say to my son ;)