S05.E16: Tested

[ElectricBoogaloo]

When the boys get tested for STDs, Artie tests positive for a disease and he’s forced to tell his sexual partners. Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine have relationship issues when Blaine puts on his “freshman fifteen.”

[camussie]

So if Artie has an STD does that mean Sam and possibly Santana have one as well considering that Artie dated Brittany or if Brittany wasn't patient zero maybe Puck does (and now Quinn) since Puck screwed Kitty before Artie did?  To me that is the most likely scenario, considering Puck at one time said he didn't wear condoms due to getting a vasectomy - Puck gave an STD to Kitty who in turn gave one to Artie.

[MizStaken]

I'm thinking that this will be something he's acquired since coming to NYC. Looks like Artie is getting his groove on.

[CleoCaesar]

Blaine saying that their relationship has to be a competition because they're two guys was just a WTF moment. Also, Darren’s voiceover at the start of the episode made me cringe. He’s just...bad.

My thoughts on the theme of the episode: "Oh look, a PSA about STDs and the necessity of wearing condoms. It feels really dandy to be watching an Afterschool Special. Do the writers think these little life lessons are in any way entertaining or compelling viewing?" Ugh. Also, lame songs for the third week straight. YMMV.

Rachel’s absence in the first half of the episode was very noticeable to me. More proof that I am watching this trainwreck solely for Rachel/Lea. I liked her scenes with Mercedes – they seemed like actual friends and it was the only mildly redeeming thing about this episode for me.

Edited April 16, 2014 by CleoCaesar

[tom87]

Really that Blaine voice over was bad.     Less Samcedes scenes, more Rachcedes scenes.   

[vb68]

I've never been more convinced that Kurt needs to run and run fast.  The fact that Blaine admitted that he views everything as a competition between them should send up red flags everywhere.   If Artie was the creeper in the episode, I'm not sure what that makes Blaine.  But  I thought he was pretty creepy.

And Sam has never been in love like this?   Please.  Doesn't he always say that?   I know the show very wisely never wants to acknowledge it again, but dude did think he  was married to Brittany.  Mercedes was right to wait.  I'm just so sick of the dating misadventures of Sam Evans.

[heyerchick]

I love how Glee is taking all the obnoxious, long-suspected strands of Blaine's smarmy little soul from fanon to canon. He's just such a toxic little tick. Everything is a competition which he, as alpha, has to win, while Kurt remains adoringly on the sidelines waiting to be sheltered and protected by his Man.

I'm quite glad that S6 looks like it's the ongoing adventures of Blamchel, and I can go back to watching on fast-forward for the few and infrequent Kurt scenes, because Blaine makes me quite nauseous. His thought processes, and his values, are pretty fucking ugly.

[Jessie monster]

I like how Kurt is refusing to back down this season. Between shrugging off a beating and refusing to coddle Blaine's ego, it's a great look for him.

[heyerchick]

In the interests of fairness, I did want to say that I do give Blaine credit for making these ugly realisations about himself, and his being honest with Kurt about them. There's nothing static about people; we live and we learn. Where Blaine is now isn't necessarily where he's going to be, but I think where he is now is not suited to a relationship with Kurt, who is very, very far from being perfect, but still aeons ahead of Blaine in terms of emotional maturity and assertiveness. Kurt's love and view of relationship is inclusive and equal. Blaine's....is not. 

[tom87]

I love how Glee is taking all the obnoxious, long-suspected strands of Blaine's smarmy little soul from fanon to canon. He's just such a toxic little tick. Everything is a competition which he, as alpha, has to win, while Kurt remains adoringly on the sidelines waiting to be sheltered and protected by his Man.

I'm quite glad that S6 looks like it's the ongoing adventures of Blamchel, and I can go back to watching on fast-forward for the few and infrequent Kurt scenes, because Blaine makes me quite nauseous. His thought processes, and his values, are pretty fucking ugly.

Urgh annoyed Rachel is goingto be tainted with Blam.   Not sure what I am going to do.

[heyerchick]

Urgh annoyed Rachel is goingto be tainted with Blam.   Not sure what I am going to do.

This Kurtsie loves Rachel too, and feels your pain.

[caracas1914]

Fuck, we lost Santana for Blam?

Who the hell voted for this?   Ryan's Murphy's dick??

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Part of me loves that the guys keep having their men only nights at Serendipity with frozen hot chocolates and sundaes.

Sam's best moment of the night was when he was irate that Artie hadn't been using condoms. Sam might be dumb but he's not dumb enough to forego using protection! I was totally with him. On the rare occasion that a friend has told me about having unprotected sex, I read them the riot act. There are too many things you can catch, from minor to deadly. You need to be responsible for your health! And I don't just mean not scarfing an entire bag of Cheetos, BLAINE.

What I didn't like about Sam was most of the Mercedes stuff. While he didn't actually give her an ultimatum, when she said that she wanted to wait until marriage, his reactions were (1) but we can't get married in a few weeks and (2) if we don't have sex then what's the difference between dating and being best friends? To me, that said that his initial "sure, we can wait" at the beginning of the episode had an expiration date of less than a month. In my opinion, that's a pretty short time table to expect a virgin to go from "keep your hands above the waist and over the clothes" to having sex.

Blaine's insecurity made me want to smack him upside the head. Being in a relationship isn't about being in competition with each other, even if you have the same goals. He can't handle that Kurt no longer needs rescuing. I know Blaine is only supposed to be 18 but dude, grow up! He should be glad that his boyfriend is becoming a man.

Grammar nazi note: why did the writers make Rachel say that she thought something might happen "between he and I"? I have already given up on the writers being able to write coherent logical consistent storylines but apparently they don't have a grasp of proper grammar either.

Edited April 16, 2014 by ElectricBoogaloo

[heyerchick]

From the EW recap:

“I was flying high on adrenaline until the two were asked to fence and really went after each other. I thought it was Kurt getting aggressive with Blaine, but later, Kurt confronts Blaine about why he came at him so hard in class. Then, things take a really foreboding turn. Blaine basically says that for the first time in his life he feels like he’s losing, and with Kurt being so much stronger and in command of his own life now, he feels like the power dynamic in their relationship has shifted. He liked when they first met and he had to protect Kurt and now he feels like he doesn’t need him anymore. Kurt takes all this in – the idea that Blaine only ever liked him because he was weaker than him, and a pretty strong implication that he has only recently begun to notice that he’s a physically attractive man – and tells Blaine that maybe it is a contest. Maybe that’s how it has to be with two guys. But he wants them to always be equals in the race and he needs to know when Blaine is feeling insecure. Blaine is scared that Kurt will keep getting stronger (red flag!!!) and realize he doesn’t need him anymore. Kurt assures him that will never be the case and they sweetly hug it out in their stylish sweaters. I mean, I guess, but that all felt like a REAL base-level irreconcilable difference.”

 

A glimmer of reason from the mainstream.

[ShadowDenizen]

UGH. This show!

Samcedes? Just stop.  I really don't care about these two, particularly together. (Though I do appreciate Mercedes trying to stick to her personal and religous convictions.)

Yes, this episode shows Blaine in a negative light, and I was OK with that. And give Darren Criss kudos for trying to make it believable. And to Chris Colfer for portraying the arc his character is going on, where the balance of power has shifted from Blaine to Kurt.

Poor Artie.  I'd rather he get no lines (like in the last 4 seasons), than have him be the one to get the STD/Creeper storyline.

That said, I still do kinda miss the newbies (Well, most of them, anyway. And particualarly Blake Jenners shoulders....)

[ElectricBoogaloo]

The beginning of "Love Is a Battlefield" reminded me of the training montage in Mulan.

[Glory]

And once again, glee takes what could have been an interesting and realistic relationship dilemma between Kurt and Blaine and turns it into something weird and demoralizing.

I mean, lots of people have insecurities over their weight and intimacy issues. If I had a dollar for every girlfriend who flipped the fuck out when their man looked at porn, I'd have a whole lot of dollars. That could have been a great storyline!

Even the whole Blaine feeling as if Kurt didn't need him anymore storyline could have been better. Blaine feeling insecure because he was now a small fish in a big pond could have been interesting.

But newp. We get this tripe instead. Ugh.

[Myrna123]

I feel like Murphy wanted to have Blaine cheat on Kurt in the one minute that it was shown in the break-up ep, but he doesn't want Blaine to have cheated on Kurt.  They have fights about this and that, but we never get Kurt distrusting Blaine or Blaine assuming Kurt's going to accuse him of something.  If I were Kurt, I would have wondered if Blaine was ordering one-on-one time with sexy frat boys or whatever the porny website was, not just fapping to it. 

After every bump in their relationship, we get Kurt muttering some half-hearted, "I'll always love you.  We'll always be the center of each other's universe.  We'll never be apart... Blah blah blah."

I wish TPTB would have Blaine admit that getting back together with Kurt was more about him feeling terrible about cheating and trying to undo what he'd done, and Kurt admitting that getting back together with Blaine was more about him feeling like it was what he *should* want, not what he actually wanted.  They can still part friends, and move on to a relationship more like Rachel and Mercedes have--good friends who share relationship dish.

[Coxfires]

I wish TPTB would have Blaine admit that getting back together with Kurt was more about him feeling terrible about cheating and trying to undo what he'd done, and Kurt admitting that getting back together with Blaine was more about him feeling like it was what he *should* want, not what he actually wanted.  They can still part friends, and move on to a relationship more like Rachel and Mercedes have--good friends who share relationship dish.

 

That would make a lot of sense, and be perfect for each characters, who need independant storylines of their own. So of course that is exactly what Glee won't do, what with RM being obsessed with soulmate/endgame. 

I don't like Blaine, but he is one of the major character of Glee now, he does need his own storyline, his own personal journey. 

But seriously, what is wrong with admitting that people change, and that two people that matched each other at one time in life do not anymore after these changes? That is what happens in RL most of the time, why not try to portray it?

I have nothing.

[Glorfindel]

I like how Kurt is refusing to back down this season. Between shrugging off a beating and refusing to coddle Blaine's ego, it's a great look for him.

I hope it sticks.

The writers must be deliberately trying to sink the Klaine ship, right? How can they think Klaine is still salvagable and endgame, when they keep messing Blaine up like this and make him creepier episode after episode?

Run Kurt, run.

[tab19]

 

Also, Rachel and Mercedes were cute as friends. But Santana was actually a good friend to her, at least during the second half of season 4, but then the writers decided to gaslight that..for.. a storyline that they decided to kill anyway, so WTF. Whatever.

Yeah, so I would assume that at some point they'll need some drama, so randomly Rachel will.. try to steal Sam from Mercedes (try to steal her record contract?), thus ending that relationship.

As for Klaine - yes, never has a relationship needed a break more than they do.  It was a good step to not live together, and now they should step back even more.  I agree that it's good that Blaine is able to see that HE's the one with the problem/insecurities, but that EW recap seems both damning and accurate.  Of course, I have a selfish motive - I will also be FF-ing like heck through Blam.  If there was ever anything redeeming about Blaine, I certainly don't see it now.  

[caracas1914]

Sam is half bearable and getting better away from Blaine, the 180 in scenes with Mercedes is pretty abrupt. Having said that, I wish the Samcedes was a more compelling storyline, I just don't understand why those two need to get together. It's far too much the two able bodied straight characters just have to hook up and we'll create contrived drama for them.

Mercedes choosing to remain a virgin is interesting, and Sam's reaction was remarkably mature, coming from a guy who hasn't exactly been enlightened in his views of sex. Telling Teen Jesus in Season 3 he shouldn't suppress his urges around Quinn and saying last season to Ryder that some hot older woman abusing him was a lucky thing for him.

The three characters used to service Artie's storyline were good, that film school had more students with more than a handful of speaking lines than a year and a half of NYADA.

[jaytee1812]

Rachel’s absence in the first half of the episode was very noticeable to me. More proof that I am watching this trainwreck solely for Rachel/Lea. I liked her scenes with Mercedes – they seemed like actual friends and it was the only mildly redeeming thing about this episode for me.

I don't like Rachel normally but both scenes with Mercedes were lovely. The discussion about Finn and Rachel's love life was dead on in its tone, and Rachel's advice was great. Reminded me of Tina's advice to Rachel before she slept with Finn. 

The rest of the episode was dreadful. 

[jeannie]

I am someone who actually has always liked Blaine, but this episode made me understand why people hate him. The idea that he doesn't see his own fiance as "a sexual being" was just weird and gross, and it made it obvious that Blaine feels like he's doing Kurt a favor by dating him. I never got that vibe from Blaine before this episode, so I feel like this is like character assassination. Everyone here is correct that they could have done a really good storyline about Blaine being a little fish in a big pond for once, and being afraid he'll lose Kurt. But no--they had to do this in the grossest way possible.

On a positive note: I did like "Love is a Battlefield." Nice performance by those two guys.

On a shallow note: Hello, Kurt's arms! I've always thought Chris Colfer was downright adorable, but holy crap, he's gotten hot!

I love Mercedes, but hate her with Sam. I liked her scenes with Rachel. The scene where Rachel talks about Finn was the first time I've cared about her in a long, long time. Nice to see them acknowledge how his loss is affecting her.

I used to really like Sam, too, but I think he's turned into an enormous asshole. I can't stand him anymore.

I hated the STD storyline, but I did think Artie's fantasy/nightmare version of Kurt taking their dinner order was really amusing. Props to CC and to Kevin McHale for doing that whole scene with straight faces.

Santana, please come back!!!

[heyerchick]

I did enjoy watching Kurt trounce Blaine in their fencing bout. More schooling of that nature would be welcome.

[Helena Dax]

I liked the newsreel, but everything else gave me second-hand embarrassment. 

[TheGourmez]

Dang, I guess I don't expect television relationships to be easy. I'm kind of impressed by how twisted they let Blaine's thoughts get, and damn, do I want an episode with his parents more than ever. But I thought it was pretty obvious that the root problem was that he thinks he isn't worthy of Kurt, and he only ever thought he was when he thought Kurt needed him to be his hero, and that he realizes that attitude is wrong, wrong wrong. They also had him make it clear that he thinks Kurt's amazing and deserves all the attention he's getting. And Kurt was shown to still have issues being willing to talk things through with Blaine when there's a problem. They have work as a couple to do, but every relationship takes a hell of a lot of work, and they seem to love each other enough to want to do that work. I won't be surprised if Kurt ends up throwing that ring at Blaine by the end of the season--I might even approve, and I'll enjoy watching them get there, but I think ultimately, they're both in it for the long haul and WANT to spend their lives together, so they'll work it out.

Last week was a bit too rushed for me, but this week had a great pace and I was engaged with all the stories. Loved watching Artie get his due. Loved seeing how grown up Mercedes is and that both her and Sam were willing to talk through their problems. As someone raised to wait until marriage, I appreciate seeing Mercedes' viewpoint. Whether she decides to have sex earlier or not, getting past the concept of sleeping with someone before marriage is a tough one when it's been ingrained into you as the right choice your whole life. It does seem to be the right choice for her for now regardless of the spiritual side of things.

I felt so bad for Artie's date when she was forced to sway in the background during their group song. And I will love that cold open forever.

[Primal Slayer]

So much is just feeling forced to me. Sam/Mercedes rarely seemed genuine throughout majority of their storyline, and the fact that we spent two episodes straight having them "get together"/"break up"/"get back together" didn't help things. First their issues stem from race and how Mercedes can't date a white guy because there will be backlash, now they cant date because Mercedes is a virgin who don't want to give it up to the wrong guy and Sam needs sex. It was just to much, nothing helped progress their development or individual storylines.

It was way overblown how Artie went from the unpopular kid in high school to the most popular kid in college, I don't get why the wrtiers have to have everyone go from 0 to 100 so quickly in their lives. How about just let Artie be Artie and just be accepted?

These stories are just going to extreme.

And the whole point of NYADA was that it was THE BEST school for broadway wannabes so why are we not seeing classes that help with developing Kurt and Blaine as singers? I am cool with seeing other classes here and there but it makes sense to add a class that we would mainly see that involves them having to sing and that can help them out of their comfort zones. This way we don't have to always see them just randomly break out into song for nothing which is exactly what RM was against when the show started.

[sigmaforce86]

On a shallow note: Hello, Kurt's arms! I've always thought Chris Colfer was downright adorable, but holy crap, he's gotten hot!

 

I guess it's the clothes and I don't know that he's ever worn anything sleeveless (that we saw for more than a minute) but totally agree.  The scene where he was weightlifting and one guy asked to see the muscle - for Kurt it's new but has Chris always been hiding those under there?  It made me think of one of the West Side Story episodes when he cried to his father that he'd suddenly realized acting parts would be so limited for him because of "his type"..and now he's trying to break that mold.

It might be the less popular opinoin but I think Blaine was right.  BUT...only right for now, in this moment, in that situation, at this age.  He was right about High School, when they met Kurt had just been truly traumatized and was coming back out of his shell and testing the waters again.  Blaine was in a place where he was pretty much accepted and safe, he was the stronger one then and between their experiences he was the one who took Kurt under his wing in terms of protection and support.  But what Blaine hasn't gotten is that a year in NY changed that dynamic and I can't blame him for not understanding that yet.  He was still in Lima, his perspective and life hadn't really changed so how much was he really going to grow.  Kurt on the other hand had a year to deal with NYC, School and more adult responsibilities, he was most definitely going to change and mature.  Blaine needs to do the same and he needs time to do it.  His mistake was the expectation that nothing had or would change, he and Kurt would both be the same and he'd just swoop into NY and again be the alpha male that Kurt needs.  His bigger mistake was not realizing or taking the time to notice Kurt's changes and that he actually didn't need Blaine in that way anymore.  I think if they met in a bar right now as strangers Kurt wouldn't even consider dating Blaine.  But if the writers let him mature over the school year can the two of them sort of catch up to each other and see each other as equal partners?  If they don't completely screw up the story line it would be interesting to see that played out.

[caracas1914]

But what Blaine hasn't gotten is that a year in NY changed that dynamic and I can't blame him for not understanding that yet.

 

Yet even in Season 3 once Blaine transferred to McKinley it was apparent that Kurt didn't need "protection" anymore.  Blaine's insecurities and neediness sprung up in "Dance with Somebody"  and again in the Season 3 finale where he was worried about losing Kurt.   Even while at McKinley winning Class President Blaine seemed more concerned that Kurt was moving away from him.  

I guess what I'm saying is that it's not NY perse that has disoriented Blaine, but that Kurt has grown stronger and independent.  The elephant in the room is that when Blaine broke them up by cheating, Kurt adapted to a life without Blaine, dating another man (Adam) and until the rushed proposal, seemed content to continue his life as a single guy.  So Blaine knows Kurt does not need him, and even back together, that feeds on Blaine's insecurities.

Edited April 17, 2014 by caracas1914

[indeed]

I agree the breakup did help Kurt become stronger and more independent (so, you only have yourself to blame there, Blaine!); however, Blaine was still very much in the mix all of those months/weeks/whatever time it was. So, while he may have tried to process the idea of a life without Blaine, Kurt certainly didn't really put it into practice. Blaine's reaching really far back to when Kurt needed a "protector"/supportive BF. Kurt hasn't really needed that for a while IMO.

I really liked the guy scenes. I found them amusing. While they might not meet at Serendipity as much/anymore, hopefully we'll see them still hang out together.

They could have made a drinking game out of how many times "love" was thrown about in the Sam/Mercedes storyline. It seems a little too much, too fast...and I liked Samcedes at McKinley.

Edited April 17, 2014 by indeed

[Florinaldo]

Being in a relationship isn't about being in competition with each other, even if you have the same goals.

Kurt himself said that maybe competition was inevitable because they are two guys (it's so easy these days to blame the testosterone...). I think that a more relevant factor is that this couple goes to the same school and shares so many classes, where they constantly get graded and assessed against their classmates and each other; competition is their daily reality. Plus, they intend to pursue careers in show business where they will also be regularly reviewed, ranked and judged; not all couples find themselves in a situation where the professional and the personal intersect so directly. That can tax any relationship, particularly in a business where fortunes are variable; at some point one of them will be ahead but a few months later the situation may reverse and the previously gainfully-employed one is now going through a dry patch.

They might as well realise right now that they will eventually be facing moments where one is more successful than the other and that they will no always be in sync, as is exactly the case presently at NYADA. That could be an interesting point to explore by the writers, but I don't know if they paid attention closely enough to notice the potential there or if they have the skills to make use of a very valid scriptwriting option, i.e. a temporary separation; on Glee, it would all be about big drama like a break-up, not about the measured development of a real story. They even had Kurt expressing a reluctance to talk about the problems, as if writing more mature material for these characters is something the writers themselves wish to avoid at all costs.

The idea that he doesn't see his own fiance as "a sexual being" was just weird and gross

He was actually talking about his qualms regarding how other people see his boyfriend, including as a sexual being; he did not express any problem with himself seeing his fiancé as such. Isn't it a realistic reaction to have one member of a couple being uncomfortable at seeing the other one being considered as an object of sexual desire by others?

That useless fight class teacher and his lame "safety first" line would not have lasted long in our fencing class; letting Kurt viciously slash like that with his blade is a definite no-no.

I liked the opening Blaine voice-over; it reminded me of a few examples of movies devoted to the love of food. And then things turned bad because of the big bad cronut, obviously the Godzilla of fast food.

[aradia22]

I found this episode boring. Really, really, really boring. None of the songs or performances were amazing for me. I Want to Know What Love Is probably worked the best but we've had better gospel numbers and it felt weird to be singing it in church. I miss the days of Mike Chang reaction shots. Love Is a Battlefield was staged in a great way with the stage combat class but I'm not sure I loved their voices on that song. Let's Wait Awhile sounded alright but I'm not really sure what it was meant to achieve since they already got the point across in the dialogue and Artie's date looked really uncomfortable throughout the song but then she was singing along at the end. I'm sure I'll enjoy Addicted to Love when it's released but it was a letdown of a performance. Artie was almost as deadpan as the girls with the guitars.

As for the storylines, I liked the way they handled a lot of things but it just wasn't interesting to watch. I like having at least one character who is still a virgin (I'm not sure if they ever touched on that topic with Tina) and having a plotline that isn't resolved in one episode. I love having a female friendship on the show again. Now, all they need to do is talk about something other than guys and I'll be happy (though I guess that's happened in earlier episodes). I found the Artie plotline kind of boring but it did make for that cute PSA in the beginning and I appreciated the different reactions of the three girls. I feel like the Blaine/Kurt plotlines continue to be interesting and realistic but this one in particular was just so boring to watch. I think part of the problem is that if they can resolve things in one mature adult conversation then it's not interesting to have to wait for that throughout the episode.

[aradia22]

 

Sam's best moment of the night was when he was irate that Artie hadn't been using condoms.

Oh, that reminds me. I really enjoyed Sam yelling at Artie about how he was slut-shaming him. For some reason even though those moments of levity were there, they didn't really register with me, leaving the episode feeling heavy, and yes, boring.

[caracas1914]

I liked the opening Blaine voice-over;

 

I didn't realize until I heard it that a voice over could be marred by overacting so badly.

[Myrna123]

So in keeping with my learning to appreciate the very smallest moments of Glee, I liked Chris Colfer's delivery of "We do not," when Sam asked if the diner served milkshakes with flecks of gold in them. I also really liked a shot during Love Is a Battlefield--Blaine and Kurt are circling each other and Chris Colfer is slowly walking in a circle and his body language is absolutely brand new to me. He moves in a way--sort of sultry and smooth--that I've never seen Kurt or Chris move. I thought that was kinda cool.

[Maisonette]

What happened to Kurt's tattoo?

[heyerchick]

I've seen screencaps showing the tattoo during the stage combat class.

[vb68]

 

Oh, that reminds me. I really enjoyed Sam yelling at Artie about how he was slut-shaming him.

 

I can't help wondering where THAT Sam was last year when learned about Blaine's.....lighthouse connection.