All Episodes Talk: All Rise

[AZChristian]

When he said that, I wondered if he offered them their original money back to get the boat back, but didn't offer to pay them for the new engine.  Otherwise, why would they not be willing to do a straight "un-do" of the deal?

[BubblingKettle]

The first episode's last case, with the woman who didn't pay her rent to the man that lost his voice....I don't know why JJ automatically believed the plaintiff when she said that she didn't steal the cabinet pulls/handles. The woman lied about everything else (her rights to the garage, the agreement about kitchen linoleum, etc.). Once she admitted to ripping up the linoleum, I thought it was obvious that she was doing an unsolicited DIY job in the kitchen....she probably went to Home Depot and got cabinet hardware while she was getting the linoleum she preferred. When moving out, she was vindictive, ripped up flooring, and didn't leave the hardware/put the old stuff back on. The defendant even offered photos, which JJ didn't want to see.  I don't know why she got away with stealing. The fake-crying daughter was trying to use her drama club skills in the hallterview.

 

Second show was a rerun, with bullshitting Isaiah and his memorized story about his mom's pipe-busting makeup case. He even recited the word 'ibuprofen.' Totally rehearsed. Again, JJ - why is it so hard to believe that kids can get into mischief with pipes, etc.? Maybe he knocked his mom's ring down the sink, or maybe he just wanted to explore. 

[Toaster Strudel]

Only one episode today, Labor Day!  I think it's to clear the schedule for the PGA tournament, yawn.

 

The Need for Speed Dial: The defendant borrowed the plaintiff's smart phone repeatedly while they were at some gym with kids (like the jungle gym at McDonald's???) and after she cracked it, she tried to sneak it into the plaintiff's purse instead of handing it.  The plaintiff couldn't explain why she was suspicious because her lips were outrunning her brain, but JJ got to the bottom of it.  Two gavels.  Gavels!  Gavels are back!

 

Hostile Living Situation: The plaintiff is suing for everything.  Rent, harassment, lost wages, emotional distress, parking fees, alienation of affection, lèse-majesté and treason.  OK maybe I am exaggerating, but not a lot.  This is classic Judge Judy where a tenant starts to demand things outside the lease (the garage) and when things don't happen fast enough, she docks off some of the monthly rent then changes the lock... with the landlord's belongings still in the garage.  Of course eviction proceedings get rolling... then she pays up. Woe is me, the landlord is seen around the property, so scary, so her daughter's 17 yr old boyfriend sleeps over for "protection."  Uh-uh.  Naturally the landlord now wants an extra $100 for the new inhabitant.  The plaintiff really thought she was going to win this one, but you need a case, not just adrenaline and the crazy eyes.  When it turned out she had stripped the flooring and the doorknobs before leaving (she said that the landlord promised to reimburse her for the flooring she wanted and installed, and didn't, so she took it back), it didn't go well. Four gavels, boosted by a hallterview that is a work of art and deserves a full five gavels.  The plaintiff herself was a no-show but her daughter made up for it with abundant tears and "it's not fair!" "it's not faiiiiiiiiir!!!!" then getting aggressive with god knows who behind the camera, "what are you smiling about?" "Does this make you happy to do this to people?"  She was really upset that the landlord was "around" and "creepy."  Toughen up, cookie, don't buy into your mom's drama.  I hope they learned a valuable lesson about leases and getting stuff in writing.

 

 

[AngelaHunter]

so her daughter's 17 yr old boyfriend sleeps over for "protection."

 

Yeah, I'm sure the boy is a stellar security measure, maybe when he's not humping daughter like a chinchilla on speed. Loved the ugly, yet tearless crying in the hall.

 

 

.I don't know why JJ automatically believed the plaintiff when she said that she didn't steal the cabinet pulls/handles.

 

I thought she just didn't want to be bothered with what were probably the cheapest plastic pulls available after plaintiff denied knowledge of them.

 

Cellphone girl (Jasmiah or something... can't remember her name) made my head go funny with her 100/mph testifying. Def? Someone else who works in a school and says things like "Had gave."

[Jamoche]

I got two episodes, with one classic JJ moment: Byrd looks at the KBB and reads off the rightmost number. Two columns to the left is an amount much closer to what the defendant paid. So no, JJ, she did not pay $4500 for a $6500 car, unless that car was in mint condition.

[khyber]

After watching Judge Judy for these many years, I never ever want to be a landlord.

[Showthyme]

After watching Judge Judy for these many years, I never ever want to be a landlord.

I am a landlord and thanks to Judge Judy, I have learned some things. I take pictures prior to the tenant moving in and ask myself if the prospective tenant looks like someone who might appear on Judge Judy. It is not a perfect science.

 

On another note...I am watching Judge Judy one day and see my former housekeeper on her show. My housekeeper said that she was going to California for a quick trip which surprised me because I didn't think that she had the money. My housekeeper was being sued by her roommate for not paying rent. Judge Judy ruled in my housekeeper's favor. She shouldn't have. My housekeeper did a great job for me but she was always moving. I don't think that she paid rent past the first month. Anyway, the whole thing made me uncomfortable so I no longer have a housekeeper. I should sue Judge Judy for emotional distress.

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

 

The plaintiff herself was a no-show but her daughter made up for it with abundant tears and "it's not fair!" "it's not faiiiiiiiiir!!!!" then getting aggressive with god knows who behind the camera, "what are you smiling about?" "Does this make you happy to do this to people?"  She was really upset that the landlord was "around" and "creepy."

Oh honey, save yo' drama for yo' mama. She was making sh&t up, plain and simple. Her mother has whipped her into a state of victim-dom. 

 

I really enjoyed the imaginary cosmic coyote case - I do enjoy hearing those southern accents and thought the defendant was a little snarky at the other side of the table (like they were all rubes and he possessed the only internet password in the neighborhood to do a little googling with). 

 

Fun fact - servicemen used to bring back foxes and coyotes as pets(mascots) from prior military bases - and let them go in the wooded areas near their homes. I live in South Florida and after hurricane Wilma we had a rash of rabid foxes that came from a teensy little nearby park into our neighborhood looking for food. I've lived near other military bases and there were random coyotes on the military airport runways. 

 

I loved watching the teenage plaintiff with her artery-squishing headband and goofy grin today during the cell phone case. She kept looking for the camera (guess it was her big audition). And she was wearing one of my pet peeves - ladies who wear flesh colored inserts in their clothing (yes, I realize her natural skin is brown, not pinky-peach flesh but it looked like she was wearing a midriff mini dress) 

[teebax]

Only one episode today, Labor Day!  I think it's to clear the schedule for the PGA tournament, yawn.

 

The Need for Speed Dial: The defendant borrowed the plaintiff's smart phone repeatedly while they were at some gym with kids (like the jungle gym at McDonald's???) and after she cracked it, she tried to sneak it into the plaintiff's purse instead of handing it.  The plaintiff couldn't explain why she was suspicious because her lips were outrunning her brain, but JJ got to the bottom of it.  Two gavels.  Gavels!  Gavels are back!

 

Hostile Living Situation: The plaintiff is suing for everything.  Rent, harassment, lost wages, emotional distress, parking fees, alienation of affection, lèse-majesté and treason.  OK maybe I am exaggerating, but not a lot.  This is classic Judge Judy where a tenant starts to demand things outside the lease (the garage) and when things don't happen fast enough, she docks off some of the monthly rent then changes the lock... with the landlord's belongings still in the garage.  Of course eviction proceedings get rolling... then she pays up. Woe is me, the landlord is seen around the property, so scary, so her daughter's 17 yr old boyfriend sleeps over for "protection."  Uh-uh.  Naturally the landlord now wants an extra $100 for the new inhabitant.  The plaintiff really thought she was going to win this one, but you need a case, not just adrenaline and the crazy eyes.  When it turned out she had stripped the flooring and the doorknobs before leaving (she said that the landlord promised to reimburse her for the flooring she wanted and installed, and didn't, so she took it back), it didn't go well. Four gavels, boosted by a hallterview that is a work of art and deserves a full five gavels.  The plaintiff herself was a no-show but her daughter made up for it with abundant tears and "it's not fair!" "it's not faiiiiiiiiir!!!!" then getting aggressive with god knows who behind the camera, "what are you smiling about?" "Does this make you happy to do this to people?"  She was really upset that the landlord was "around" and "creepy."  Toughen up, cookie, don't buy into your mom's drama.  I hope they learned a valuable lesson about leases and getting stuff in writing.

I just got back from a vacation at the shore and am dreading going back to work tomorrow. It's the kind of mood that makes me envy the JJ litigants who manage to get through life without ever holding down a 9 to 5.

Seeing a Toaster recap immediately improved my mood. I haven't seen any cases yet, but thank you for giving me this so I can look forward to them!

[SandyToes]

Welcome back to work, ToasterStrudel! Crispy, golden, gooey recaps, as always! This one will stay on the DVR for a while. Halterview was the best part!  Hoo-wee! (Was that Kardashley from the Bachelor?!?!) Yet another example of "It must be true because I believe it to be true." Ripped out the flooring - ha. This is why our lease is about 10 pages long, everybody initials every page, (and some of the more "likely to cause problems" sections, and everything is in writing. Good landlords, good properties USUALLY beget good tenants. We had a family ask if they could replace the carpets (hell, yea!), and one who wanted to retile the family room. You betcha. But all worked out in advance, and in writing. How long had the woman and her poor, defenseless babies lived in the house? Didn't sound like long.  He must have been really eager to get rid of her if he started eviction processes so early in the game.

 

Showthyme, we could tell some tales, couldn't we? And I'm with you on the photos - we do MUCH more of that, now!

 

And what are you SMILING AT?!   hahahhahahaha

[Sarcastico]

Georgia, hell, we've had coyotes show up in Downtown Chicago, lookin' for a sammich at the Subway!

 

 

In NYC too.  They come down from the Adirondacks.  They get a lot of air time on local news because they tend to get trapped on subway lines and on bridges.

[Grasonville]

Smashed phone - I believe those young ladies worked at a school where the before school daycare meets at the lunchroom/gym - and children care givers spend working hours texting boyfriends.

[Toaster Strudel]

I am writing today's recaps; ladies and gents, we have a 5 gavel.  Prepare yourselves!

[LilWharveyGal]

I am writing today's recaps; ladies and gents, we have a 5 gavel.  Prepare yourselves!

 

<Blanche Devereaux voice>  Oh dayum, I wish I didn't have to go to work today!  </bdv>

[teebax]

I am writing today's recaps; ladies and gents, we have a 5 gavel.  Prepare yourselves!

Can't wait. I'll watch that one first when I get home tonight. Thanks for the heads-up!

[27bored]

Y'all, for real. Iona from Mama's Family was on one. At first I thought she looked like a 37-year-old chick playing an old woman. And she was like, "there, bitch!" Aww shit. And when they showed her granddaughter...I'm sorry, but I laughed. I was NOT expecting Baby Jill Scott. So obviously one of granny's kids is down with the swizz-url. LOL.

 

The case regarding the repo'd car and the large Amazon woman. Her throat looked harder than a motherfucker. For real, she looked like an aging hot dude, like Lorenzo Lamas or Kevin Sorbo or that dude who played Beastmaster.

[patty1h]

Please let me never run into Patricia Bean - that biddy scares me.  She looks like a sweet older woman, but in reality she's a phone smashing curse machine, throwing out the word 'bitch' and 'slut' like a boss.  She challenged the plaintiff to come out and fight her and even says that the Illinois cops are liars and stick together.  God, she's angry and bitter.  Those two must had some run ins previous to this.

 

Plaintiff Jeanetta Lapiccola had a boom box on her bench - feel cheated that she had some good audio dirt that we never got to hear. Old Patty Bean ended with dropping how many times Jeanetta was married/men she has dated.  Jelly much?

[BubblingKettle]

 And when they showed her granddaughter...I'm sorry, but I laughed. I was NOT expecting Baby Jill Scott.

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!  She was Baby Jill Scott!!!  Right down to the sophisticated romper pantsuit!  Seriously, though - I hope BJS likes her hair that way (it looked cute, so she might)......otherwise, her caretakers need to take her to a salon staffed with people who know how to give her a style she likes. It's a wild guess, but I'm thinking grandmom wouldn't have the faintest idea.

 

And Ms. Bean called the plaintiff a slut multiple times.....but at the start of the case, didn't Ms. Bean admit to still being shacked up with her ex-husband?  That's a bit scandalous, so I don't know why she was throwing stones about bedroom topics.

[Toaster Strudel]

Sorry for the delay, a chatty friend called!

 

No Slander Here!  Classic JJ where you'd think things aren't going well for the defendant because she is blowing up her stories with inconsistencies, but then, JJ turns to the plaintiff and suddenly things aren't going well for the other side and the defendant is literally beaming and nodding in approval.    The plaintiff bought a second car in January, and stopped paying for her older car at the same time, which did not endear her to our favorite testy jurist.  It was pretty obvious then that she had tried to unload the car on the defendant with thousands owing, and was trying to scam JJ to pay for a car that she wasn't paying for herself and had been repo'd.  4 gavels.  The defendant was adorable in the hallterview.

 

Canine Semen: This case is about buying canine semen and associated natural turkey-basting service for the purposes of breeding dogs. The terms of the "agreement" were vague, either the stud owner agreed to "name a puppy" or just "wanted to be a doggie grandpa" or wanted half the "profits" that were declared by the bitch owner to be "zero."  Woof! woof! woof! gavels.

 

Nasty Old Bat Gets Reamed: Ooooh if you only watch one case, watch this one.  Meow, meow, meow, hiss! Vicious old lady starts out looking so sweet and calm and innocent but she showed her teeth and her claws right there in the court room, and to our everlasting delight, JJ has no mercy for the elderly or the handicapped when they misbehave.  Some neighbor was slicing her wrists on her porch (a bit of attention getting I guess) and Nasty Old Bat got vexed that the plaintiff that she got to call 911 didn't make sufficient drama about it, so in a fit of anger she tossed the phone on the ground and broke it, which she later admitted to the police.  When JJ got wise to what went on (the police report was hilarious and crucial to the case), she booted out NOB's 8 yr old grandchild so she wouldn't witness the reaming of her granny.  What the coconut was an 8 yr old doing there??? Anyhoo NOB had called the plaintiff (to the police, no less!) a slut (a 60 yr old slut, mkay), complained about weeds in her flower beds, and opined about her financial priorities "she should pay her bills not fancy phones" JJ read some gems that the police quoted verbatim: "I don't want to give the slut money"  while boasting that "money is no object" LOL.  She called the cops to "amend" her previous admission while complaining that the plaintiff had hurt her arm, and she's so frail, and she needed an order of protection, wah wah wah.  In a last dig in the court, demanded that JJ question the plaintiff on how many times she'd been married and how many men she'd slept with.  In the hallterview, NOB insisted that she was doing the "work of the good lord."  Yes, yes you were; and for that, your case gets 5 gavels.  You are the answer to our prayers!

[spaceytraci1208]

Y'all, for real. Iona from Mama's Family was on one. At first I thought she looked like a 37-year-old chick playing an old woman. And she was like, "there, bitch!" Aww shit. And when they showed her granddaughter...I'm sorry, but I laughed. I was NOT expecting Baby Jill Scott. So obviously one of granny's kids is down with the swizz-url. LOL.

The case regarding the repo'd car and the large Amazon woman. Her throat looked harder than a motherfucker. For real, she looked like an aging hot dude, like Lorenzo Lamas or Kevin Sorbo or that dude who played Beastmaster.

I couldn't outdo this post if I tried, so instead I just give props *LMA(all the way)O*

[califred]

The old lady case was golden!

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

 

 

Please let me never run into Patricia Bean - that biddy scares me.  She looks like a sweet older woman, but in reality she's a phone smashing curse machine, throwing out the word 'bitch' and 'slut' like a boss.

Oh mah gawd - old bitches be cray cray!

 

And she's in her 60s? So she's got probably a good twenty years to perfect her act.  And the only "work of the lord" she was doing was the Dark Lord, aka "SAAAAAATTAANNNN" (in a hot whisper a la Church Lady)

Baby Jill Scott! **can't breathe****I still have it on my DVR and I'm going to read all these comments and go back and watch this 5 gaveler again!

[Trini]

Cussin' Old Lady! Wow, just WOW. Now we know what happens to certain JJ litigants if they are lucky to live long enough. It's amazing she hasn't died from bitterness yet!

[AngelaHunter]

How many kinds of awesome was Ms. Patricia Bean? Here she was, looking like everyone's dream of a sweet granny, that is until she busted out the "Bitch" and "Slut!" I really believe that she challenged the plaintiff to come out and fight her in spite of her bone problems. She got so irate at losing I thought she was going to issue a challenge to JJ and then Byrd would have had to wrestle her to the floor.

 

I loved when JJ was reading her complaint, ("...Because she's a slut!") and all and Ms. Bean stood there nodding and smiling about it. I wept with joy.

 

"Ask her how many times she's been married!" Oooh, more than one marriage? The mark of a total slut! Kudos to the plaintiff for keeping silent during all this.

 

What the coconut was an 8 yr old doing there???

 

I'm sure the kid has heard reams of foul language and nastiness from Granny, so this was nothing new. The plaintiff didn't get hysterical enough  to please Vicious Bat Granny over the neighbour trying to off herself because she's a nurse and has seen much worse. Duh.

 

 

Both litigants in the Jeep case were highly unlikable. The defendant was super annoying with her toady "Your honour, your honour, your honour" and the enormously toothy grin she had plastered on as the plaintiff got her reaming out. Who the hell buys a new car when they can't pay for the one they already have?

 

I didn't watch the dog case. I can't take any more dog cases because they usually involve litigants who are way too stupid to own a dog or who are disgusting POS backyard breeders/puppymillers.

 

"wanted to be a doggie grandpa" or wanted half the "profits" that were declared by the bitch owner to be "zero."

 

Yep, I see I was right to skip this one too.

[27bored]

The old lady case was golden!

Yeah, and her granddaughter looked like she was living her life like it's golden.

[califred]

I somehow did not see the granddaughter I was multi tasking.

[patty1h]

I had a think on why Pat Bean would harbor so much vitriol against her neighbor.   Theory:  Pat Bean caught the ex's eyes lingering one day as Jeanetta was putting her recycling out.  Pat came to the conclusion that the multiple married Jeanetta's robe was above her knee, which is something only a man stealing slut would wear.  Thus started her bitterness towards her neighbor.

[Taylorh2]

Sorry for the delay, a chatty friend called!

 

No Slander Here!  Classic JJ where you'd think things aren't going well for the defendant because she is blowing up her stories with inconsistencies, but then, JJ turns to the plaintiff and suddenly things aren't going well for the other side and the defendant is literally beaming and nodding in approval.    The plaintiff bought a second car in January, and stopped paying for her older car at the same time, which did not endear her to our favorite testy jurist.  It was pretty obvious then that she had tried to unload the car on the defendant with thousands owing, and was trying to scam JJ to pay for a car that she wasn't paying for herself and had been repo'd.  4 gavels.  The defendant was adorable in the hallterview.

 

Canine Semen: This case is about buying canine semen and associated natural turkey-basting service for the purposes of breeding dogs. The terms of the "agreement" were vague, either the stud owner agreed to "name a puppy" or just "wanted to be a doggie grandpa" or wanted half the "profits" that were declared by the bitch owner to be "zero."  Woof! woof! woof! gavels.

 

Nasty Old Bat Gets Reamed: Ooooh if you only watch one case, watch this one.  Meow, meow, meow, hiss! Vicious old lady starts out looking so sweet and calm and innocent but she showed her teeth and her claws right there in the court room, and to our everlasting delight, JJ has no mercy for the elderly or the handicapped when they misbehave.  Some neighbor was slicing her wrists on her porch (a bit of attention getting I guess) and Nasty Old Bat got vexed that the plaintiff that she got to call 911 didn't make sufficient drama about it, so in a fit of anger she tossed the phone on the ground and broke it, which she later admitted to the police.  When JJ got wise to what went on (the police report was hilarious and crucial to the case), she booted out NOB's 8 yr old grandchild so she wouldn't witness the reaming of her granny.  What the coconut was an 8 yr old doing there??? Anyhoo NOB had called the plaintiff (to the police, no less!) a slut (a 60 yr old slut, mkay), complained about weeds in her flower beds, and opined about her financial priorities "she should pay her bills not fancy phones" JJ read some gems that the police quoted verbatim: "I don't want to give the slut money"  while boasting that "money is no object" LOL.  She called the cops to "amend" her previous admission while complaining that the plaintiff had hurt her arm, and she's so frail, and she needed an order of protection, wah wah wah.  In a last dig in the court, demanded that JJ question the plaintiff on how many times she'd been married and how many men she'd slept with.  In the hallterview, NOB insisted that she was doing the "work of the good lord."  Yes, yes you were; and for that, your case gets 5 gavels.  You are the answer to our prayers!

 

No way was that old bitty only in her 60's  NO WAY!!!

[Trini]

Well, lyin', cussin, slut-shamin', phone throwin' bitter biddies tend to age faster.

[dougfir]

Of all the cases to bring me back out of long-time lurkerdom.... that battlin' granny Patricia Bean was The One. The plaintiff, cops, and, most likely the cosmos, were all working against her, but that didn't stop her from getting in a little slut-shaming before JJ was at wit's end and finally ruled against her. Worth an entire half hour for sure.

 

I knew the hallterview would be epic, and it didn't disappoint — of course this loco, lying, trash-talking biddy would invoke the Lord's name.

 

Y'all, for real. Iona from Mama's Family was on one. At first I thought she looked like a 37-year-old chick playing an old woman. And she was like, "there, bitch!" Aww shit. And when they showed her granddaughter...I'm sorry, but I laughed. I was NOT expecting Baby Jill Scott. So obviously one of granny's kids is down with the swizz-url. LOL.

 

Fucking BRILLIANT.

 

[Toaster Strudel]

The plaintiff looked 60+... Nasty Old Bat looked deep into her 80's.

[lynny]

I assume that the tape player on the plaintiff's desk was to play the 911 call and I am eternally annoyed that we did not get to hear that. It would have been freaking amazing!

[AngelaHunter]

Theory:  Pat Bean caught the ex's eyes lingering one day as Jeanetta was putting her recycling out.  Pat came to the conclusion that the multiple married Jeanetta's robe was above her knee, which is something only a man stealing slut would wear.

 

... and that robe wasn't buttoned up to her chin. Slut for sure!  I bet you're dead on with that theory. Really, Pat shouldn't have worried. I'm pretty sure her hubby has long-since been rendered impotent by his razor-tongued, foul-mouthed, phone-smashing, ghastly wife.

 

I'm so glad Ms. Bean isn't my neighbour. I'd expect her to start throwing knives at the way I dress to put the recycling out.

 

As for Pat being in her sixties: Well, I guess she was once.

[khyber]

The 5 gavel case was interrupted by brush fire coverage. Got as far as the reading of the police report.

[LAgator77]

The 5 gavel case was interrupted by brush fire coverage. Got as far as the reading of the police report.

Yeah, damn it LA got screwed out of the crazy old bat!

[Intocats]

I had a think on why Pat Bean would harbor so much vitriol against her neighbor.   Theory:  Pat Bean caught the ex's eyes lingering one day as Jeanetta was putting her recycling out.  Pat came to the conclusion that the multiple married Jeanetta's robe was above her knee, which is something only a man stealing slut would wear.  Thus started her bitterness towards her neighbor.

WORD to this!!

I came out of hibernation just to read what you guys had to say about Batshit Granny, and you didn't disappoint. There is nothing I can add to the brilliance!

This case goes down in the JJ annals as CLASSIC!

[teebax]

A hypocritical Bible thumper? Now I've seen everything. /sarcasm

I was surprised that Pat seems to be close to her granddaughter. Someone who spews that much vitriol is usually also a bigot, regardless of their race. So good on her, I guess, for not disowning baby Jill Scott. Of course, she was going to have that child lie for her. She's really a shitty, bitter human being. I don't know how much time the granddaughter spends with her, but I see a therapist or at least a return to JJ as a litigant in Baby Jill Scott's future. I feel for her.

Baby Jill's hair made me think of an old Wanda Sykes bit in which she explains why she wanted her kids to be white, like her wife is. She said that since her wife is much younger than she is, she would probably die first and didn't want her children to have no one around who could do their hair. She said her wife would have to drive through the hood with her window open and stick the child's head out the window so someone would do her hair. Anyway...

That case had it all! The only thing that would have made it better would have been if the plaintiff had accepted Pat's challenge to fight and someone had caught it on video. I feel sorry for that plaintiff. I have excellent neighbors, and I can't imagine living next to someone like Pat. One of us would be in the grave, and the other would be in jail. Why would anyone spend that much time caring about a neighbor's finances, or that they got a family plan for a cell phone, or how many men they've bedded? Pat needs to get a life.

And add me to the list of people who wanted to hear the tape. JJ let us down with that one.

[AngelaHunter]

So good on her, I guess, for not disowning baby Jill Scott.

 

I dunno about that. Granny spews filth, smashes the neighbour's property and challenges her to fight in the street,  appears to hate the world and does all that in front of the granddaughter. That's not enough so she drags the kid on Judge Judy to lie for her. I really think the child would be better off with strangers.

[Eliza422]

I actually saved this episode! It is so rich a text it requires multiple viewings.

One thing I want to get down is the weird pronunciation Insane Granny had in her halterview...I think she might have originally planned on saying something else and changed midsentence.

[teebax]

I dunno about that. Granny spews filth, smashes the neighbour's property and challenges her to fight in the street,  appears to hate the world and does all that in front of the granddaughter. That's not enough so she drags the kid on Judge Judy to lie for her. I really think the child would be better off with strangers.

Yeah, I mentioned that in my post. She can't be good for the granddaughter.

[Rice-a-Roni]

The case of the slutty yet oddly calm cell phone owner, the suicidal neighbor, and Patricia the liar liar pants on fire made me hoot with laughter. I couldn't believe my ears, and backed up so many times it must've taken an hour to watch this show. This is a keeper, and I might even force my husband to watch it.

 

Patricia and her granddaughter were cleaning up the neighborhood. A noble pursuit, to be sure, but I'd bet good money that ol' Pat does this to gather intel on the neighbors. I used to have a neighbor that would push the broom around to make noise while she spied in others' windows. If she got caught, she could say "I was sweeping!" And guess what? She looked eerily similar to our gal. 

 

Intrigue: Why does Patty the Bean live with her ex-husband? Non-sequiturs abound ("She should just remove her weeds from my flowers"). The police forces of the entire state of Illinois are disparaged. Why doesn't Jeanetta pay her bills? She has no bee's wax buying that expensive phone and getting a family plan. Pat's bobbing her head like one of those old fashioned birds that look like they're drinking water that you get at the magic store.

 

At one point JJ asks Patty if all the officers were psychotic. Patty answers, "They stick together." Was it just me, or did JJ answer "bullshit"? 

 

Bonus points for the mysterious appearance of the boom box we got my dad for Father's Day in 1995. 

 

This was one of the best episodes ever. It rivaled the one with that nutty girl who drank 5 shots of espresso. 

Edited September 9, 2015 by Rice-a-Roni

[Sarcastico]

Y'all missed one classic detail: after Judy ruled against her, NOB turned to plaintiff and chewed her out, to the point where Byrd actually got between them and reprimanded NOB.  This happened just as they were about to walk out, so there was no sound.  He walked out with them.

 

NOB reminded me of both Bonnie's sweet ole mama in Bonnie and Clyde and Vicki Lawrence's Mother Harper from The Carol Burnett Show.

Edited September 9, 2015 by Sarcastico

[Taylorh2]

WORD to this!!

I came out of hibernation just to read what you guys had to say about Batshit Granny, and you didn't disappoint. There is nothing I can add to the brilliance!

This case goes down in the JJ annals as CLASSIC!

 

Dude, this has to be one of the best I've seen in a long, long time. I wish we could have seen more.

[AngelaHunter]

NOB reminded me of both Bonnie's sweet ole mama in Bonnie and Clyde

 

I just watched that movie recently and you are so right! They could be twins, that is, if Bonnie's sweet mama started yelling obscenities and smashing phones.

 

Was it just me, or did JJ answer "bullshit"?

 

Okay, definitely have to rewatch.

[Bungalow]

Patricia A Bean must have the springfield Illinois police on speed dial. She's got a long record with the court system...both plaintiff and defendant. Go to sangamon county court site and search cases. She is 67 by the way.

[Toaster Strudel]

The Wrong Car Knifing - Some young adults, possibly well off, host a party where some guests rummage through the drawers to steal valuables and get kicked out. In retaliation for being "unfairly" kicked out, the slack-jawed, mush-brained defendant knifed the hood of the Mercedes... of the wrong person. Judge Judy: "Let's get to the hood of the car!!!" Defendant: "Uh?"  You know she's guilty. 3.5 gavels because this level of stupidity is a spectacle worth watching.

 

Stranded From Maury Povich -  Three kids from three different fathers with whom Mom of the Year hasn't even spent more than 3 years with the sum of the baby daddies.  One unfortunate child is 10, one is 7, the last still in the womb, conceived in a one-month long "relationship."  JJ made it quite clear that she was in the business of getting herself impregnated with human tomcats for child support.  She was suing her most recent stud for a loan of $600 for "rent and probation" for his drug charges.  JJ recommended a DNA test.  3 gavels from 3 different judges.

 

Dumb Dog Park - Argh, stupid dogs, you take them to a dog park and they turn into Cujo.  What else is new?  This was really repetitive and boring.  Should have been over in 1 minute, and 1 gavel.

 

Prepare to Pause - Some under the table car deal goes wrong... no proofs, no insurance, nothing... made up evidence... worth watching only to see Byrd's face when he is sent to fetch some "evidence," takes a look at it, and cannot hide his exasperation.  It's a fleeting shot, be ready to capture it! 2 gavels for Byrd.

[Rice-a-Roni]

Y'all missed one classic detail: after Judy ruled against her, NOB turned to plaintiff and chewed her out, to the point where Byrd actually got between them and reprimanded NOB.  This happened just as they were about to walk out, so there was no sound.  He walked out with them.

 

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that! Patricia reared her little bird head and clucked her little bird tongue at Jeanette! Any beak readers in the house?

Edited September 10, 2015 by Rice-a-Roni

[Rick Kitchen]

Wow, Patricia Bean's court records are a thing to behold.  I wish we could see the whole thing instead of just the trial summaries, but she's been charged with battery several times, besides the times she has sued people and people have sued her.

[AngelaHunter]

Patricia A Bean must have the springfield Illinois police on speed dial.

 

Excellent. She really doesn't get along well with people, does she?  Not only is she in constant kerfuffles with neighbours, but I see that banks and hospitals have sued her and her hubby. Oh, and the credit bureau.

[Milz]

How many kinds of awesome was Ms. Patricia Bean? Here she was, looking like everyone's dream of a sweet granny, that is until she busted out the "Bitch" and "Slut!" I really believe that she challenged the plaintiff to come out and fight her in spite of her bone problems. She got so irate at losing I thought she was going to issue a challenge to JJ and then Byrd would have had to wrestle her to the floor.

 

I loved when JJ was reading her complaint, ("...Because she's a slut!") and all and Ms. Bean stood there nodding and smiling about it. I wept with joy.

 

"Ask her how many times she's been married!" Oooh, more than one marriage? The mark of a total slut! Kudos to the plaintiff for keeping silent during all this.

 

I'm sure the kid has heard reams of foul language and nastiness from Granny, so this was nothing new. The plaintiff didn't get hysterical enough  to please Vicious Bat Granny over the neighbour trying to off herself because she's a nurse and has seen much worse. Duh.

 

 

If I'm as spry and quick as Ms. Bean when I'm her age, I'll be one happy octogenarian!

Edited September 9, 2015 by Milz