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All Episodes Talk: All Rise


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About phone numbers, there are two types.  Some want to hold onto their number until the day they die.  Others call in to constantly change them to avoid whomever and then expect to do it for free every month because someone is "harassing" them.  Probably bill collectors.

 

This happens ALOT with the patients who come to this office. They give us a telephone number, forget to give us the new one which they change every 2 or 3 months, and get upset that the doctor didn't call them with the test results or whatever. Same thing happens with "home addresses". They have to put a home address on their registration form. Sometimes that is either a fake address or their mother's/girlfriend's/whoever's address.

 

Fish-flusher looked like he had a few potent potables before his court appearance, imo. Also, if the fish tank had a hole in it, why didn't the guy bail the water out to below that level before he left for work or have girlfriend bail the water? Sorry if I'm not up to date with fish tanks (the last one I owned was when I was 10 and it held maybe 5 gallons), but we never used a hose to suction water when we cleaned the tank: we bailed with a old cottage cheese container.

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Hey just have him watch Alaskan Bush People.....THAT would make a meth addict brush their teeth!

 

And the couple that were invited guests and turned into tenants due to the 2 week law.  I don't care what the plaintiff did to them, and I don't think it was much if anything, JJ had it right, they were squatters and taking advantage of the plaintiff.  If you are a guest  in my home and I want you to leave then GET OUT.   I would not expect I have to call the cops to remove you from my home only to have the cops tell me that you are now my tenants and I can't make you leave.  I felt sorry for the plaintiff and wonder why it took 3 months to be fed up with them.  They did not seem like very nice people.

 

But it would have been nice if JJ had let the Defendant talk more.  You could tell everything out of her mouth was a lie.  And the whole I have proof because I have a bill of sale defense. HAHAHA.  She kept waving it around but had nothing to say when JJ asked her for her proof she actually paid for the truck.

Yep.  That is exactly why one certain sister-in-law and bro-in-law will never, ever be invited into our home.  They take advantage and it would never be just a visit.  It would turn into a nightmare of trying to get them out.

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Two Scams Don't Make A Case - A young woman helps another without a license get financing for a car, then puts her on her insurance. The scammers weren't welcome in JJ's courtroom or in my living room!   2 gavels.

 

Goats vs. Pitbull - The defendants' pitbull was "in the wrong place at the wrong time" - what's next, accusing animal control of planting false evidence?  Sorry you're upset the plaintiff wanted to kill your stupid demon dog, but the beast had eaten her two pets. 2 dead goats.

 

Pay Attention To Mother! - Dumb car with dumber repairs.  One gavel.

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Goats vs. Pitbull - The defendants' pitbull was "in the wrong place at the wrong time" - what's next, accusing animal control of planting false evidence?  Sorry you're upset the plaintiff wanted to kill your stupid demon dog, but the beast had eaten her two pets. 2 dead goats.

That pitbull owner really enraged me when she said (in the hallterview) that her pitbull was "in the wrong place at the wrong time."  What was this, a frigging bank heist??  She didn't give a damn about that woman's goats, and she was so lackadaisical about keeping her vicious dog secured somewhere.  I will say, the goat-owner was quite brave to pick the pitbull up and carry him back to his house.  I can't imagine having a pissed-off dog with a locking jaw so close to my face.

 

Pay Attention To Mother! - Dumb car with dumber repairs.  One gavel.

These folks were grossing me out.  Completely.  "Rolf," the elder Elmore sitting on the courtroom's barstool, was so filthy, as was his wife who looked to be in her 30's (I think the excess weight made her look older, but I bet her real age is closer to her stepson's).  I noticed some of the audience/gallery members looked like they smelled something bad.  What kind of moron takes a $1500 car and puts $4500 into it?  I want to know about the crushed hat that JJ didn't want to hear about.

 

My second episode was a rerun that involved a fight over a refrigerator.  Both litigants looked like convicts - the woman with face, neck, knuckle, and chest tats, and the man with a prison-issued shirt and ominous facial hair.  It's so nice that we all work every day so imbeciles like those two get free income, appliances, and food.  Fridge stops working?  No problem, deadbeats!  The utilities company (that increases the working people's bills at a rapid clip) will let you trade it in for another fridge.  --I have no issues with people like the elderly or the medically fragile having these programs, but these shitheads are out partying in Vegas while we're paying to keep their beers chilled.

 

Gem I missed the first time around:

JJ: You're on disability, and you can work in Vegas at a wave?

Dirtbag litigant: A rave.

JJ: Whatevuh - a rave.  ......Byrd, what's a rave?

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These folks were grossing me out.  Completely.  "Rolf," the elder Elmore sitting on the courtroom's barstool, was so filthy, as was his wife who looked to be in her 30's (I think the excess weight made her look older, but I bet her real age is closer to her stepson's).

 

JFC, the whole gang looked like rejects from an extras casting call in "The Hills Have Eyes". Bunch of fucking mutants, with their carrying on about a 1500$, '97 Olds, that Papa spent 4K fixing. I was glad JJ threw them out. Looking at them was putting me right off my steak and salad.

 

I can't imagine having a pissed-off dog with a locking jaw so close to my face.

 

Looked like some sort of greyhound mix to me, but dogs are predators and goats are prey and dogs can very easily tell a prey animal from a human. This strengthens my belief that many people are too dumb to own fish, never mind dogs. There is no such thing as "locking jaws". The only adjustable jaws I know of are on snakes, who can unhinge them to swallow very large prey, but even they can't "lock" them..

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Looked like some sort of greyhound mix to me, but dogs are predators and goats are prey and dogs can very easily tell a prey animal from a human. This strengthens my belief that many people are too dumb to own fish, never mind dogs. There is no such thing as "locking jaws

Some dogs however will hang out for dear life which is where the myth might come from. I've personally beat a pit mix off my pug - Mr. Unleashed Dog (actually I lied, dog had a leash but the dog got away from the walker who ran away herself) had my dog by the neck and was shaking him so I trapped him between my legs and beat him in the snout for about five minutes before he let go. 

 

 

JFC, the whole gang looked like rejects from an extras casting call in "The Hills Have Eyes". Bunch of fucking mutants, with their carrying on about a 1500$, '97 Olds

Their names were Elmore, Elmore, Elmore and Gilmore - sounds like a hillbilly law firm that takes chickens and meth for payment. 

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Their names were Elmore, Elmore, Elmore and Gilmore - sounds like a hillbilly law firm that takes chickens and meth for payment.

I have had little to no time for JJ lately due to trying to fix a mess one of my idiot family members created, but I have to say comments like this is why I miss you guys when I'm not on the board. This is one of the funniest things I've read in a while and gave me a much-needed laugh during a very stressful time. Thank you!

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Don't even get me started on family messes created by others needing to be fixed by me. It's my purpose on this planet apparently. I am sending cyber commiserates to you teebax. My best mess that I had to fix involved a nightmare trip to Camden, NJ. It is still being fixed. Actually, hubby fixed it, I just drove. Which really fixed what could have been a bigger mess if he had drove. On the upside, I had some good pizza, not anything like that available here in NC.

My saga since Friday would actually make for a good JJ episode. It involves cell phones, search warrants, death threats, property damage, and a physical altercation. What more could a JJ litigant ask for?

To be fair, it's nothing I created. I'm just the Olivia Pope of my family. Got a problem? Call in the fixer.

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Gem I missed the first time around:

JJ: You're on disability, and you can work in Vegas at a wave?

Dirtbag litigant: A rave.

JJ: Whatevuh - a rave.  ......Byrd, what's a rave?

 

My first guess is that JJ thought a wave was a water park. Which would be okay, I guess, since some physical problems are helped with water activities like aerobics.

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My saga since Friday would actually make for a good JJ episode. It involves cell phones, search warrants, death threats, property damage, and a physical altercation. What more could a JJ litigant ask for?

To be fair, it's nothing I created. I'm just the Olivia Pope of my family. Got a problem? Call in the fixer.

 

Did you borrow money to anybody?  That would clinch it.

 

(Seriously, though . . . I hope things calm down for you.)

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To be fair, it's nothing I created. I'm just the Olivia Pope of my family. Got a problem? Call in the fixer.

Can we take up a collection and "bid" on your freedom? And will you wear an awesome winter white coat while we do it? On a serious note, good thoughts and prayers for a successful outcome. I've been the "fixer" in the past (we jokingly call it "team captain") and it's always stressful. 

 

I'm still wondering about the heavily neck-tattooed "rave worker" who was on disability for cancer. What do "rave workers" do? Take money at the door?  Hose down the crowd so they don't spontaneously combust from a deadly combination of drugs and wild dancing? Drive the mini-bulldozer to pick up the leftover ravers as part of a clean-up crew? 

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Did you borrow money to anybody?  That would clinch it.

 

Did you have a verbal conversation with anyone?

 

Best wishes to all on board who are fixers or who are dealing with end of life issues. Been there, done that. Not fun.

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Pay Attention To Mother! - Dumb car with dumber repairs.  One gavel.

The couple in this case were a live PSA in favour of eugenics.

 

Although the son they were suing did not seem like a bad sort, either in comparison or on his own.

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I'm using these reruns as an opportunity to look for Buster Brown Hair-Googly Eyes.  Googly Eyes, I will find you someday!!

 

Milz -

Busted by Fingerprints: The first case was about a daughter who stole things from her mother and stepfather (a veteran cop) and pawned them.  She tried "I don't remember" as an excuse for a few times, but then gave up and admitted she did it.

 

Get a Fence:  The second case was about a stupid, smug couple who let their dog repeatedly wander over to a neighbor's house, jump at the door, let himself in, etc. The homeowner wanted money for things she bought to contain the wandering dog until either the owner's or Animal Control came for the dog.  The slimy couple tried to sue for restitution for "the dog's mental anguish."  There's a weird dude living in a tent on the plaintiff's property - you'd think she'd be more upset about that than about the dog.

 

You slept with her=you forgave her: The third case was between an ex odd couple who had an argument while riding on a motorcycle.  JJ threw out her suit and his countersuit (because the guy admitted to sleeping with her after the accident happened).

 

Next episode

Young Bridezilla vs. Photographer and DJ: Both had insufficient paperwork.  JJ seemed to side with the bratty young bride from the jump, and JJ believed everything she said even though she had insufficient evidence. 

 

It was "functionable": A girl with wonky Sharpie eyebrows and a Behind the Candelabra-ish boyfriend threw out their nutty, drunken roomie and owed him for what he had overpaid. The couple complained that the drunk broke their toilet (though they continued using it that way) and constructed "a janky cat wall."  I have no idea.

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I want to know JJ's reasoning as to why she thought the wedding DJ had blown off the wedding.  His explanation was that he got sick while visiting his grandmother in a hospital, and JJ said she didn't believe it.  So, what, the guy just blew off the wedding and lied about it?  That makes less sense than the truth.

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Young Bridezilla vs. Photographer and DJ: Both had insufficient paperwork.  JJ seemed to side with the bratty young bride from the jump, and JJ believed everything she said even though she had insufficient evidence.

 

Yeah, that was a weird one. But that case is why I'm leery about using people like that...because if someone gets sick then they call someone to do them a favor, but that person may not be professional or not aware of everything you've been promised by the original person you spoke with. And she said the backup photographer was drunk but then she said she didn't see him for most of the trip.

 

Busted by Fingerprints: The first case was about a daughter who stole things from her mother and stepfather (a veteran cop) and pawned them.  She tried "I don't remember" as an excuse for a few times, but then gave up and admitted she did it.

 

I think there's a story there. I don't know for sure, but there could be something with the mom neglecting the girl when she got a man to marry her, so now she's acting out because her baby's father(s) left her with little support.

 

It was "functionable": A girl with wonky Sharpie eyebrows and a Behind the Candelabra-ish boyfriend threw out their nutty, drunken roomie and owed him for what he had overpaid. The couple complained that the drunk broke their toilet (though they continued using it that way) and constructed "a janky cat wall."  I have no idea.

 

"Behind the Candelabra-ish boyfriend" LOL! I think I commented that that guy would've been an okay looking dude if he didn't have that bowl haircut. He looked like Chris Gaines, but you know, creepier.

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(edited)

And she said the backup photographer was drunk but then she said she didn't see him for most of the trip.

And then she also accused him of hitting on her bridesmaids.  That little brat sure was uptight.  Getting hit on by the photographer doesn't really warrant pearl-clutching.  And if her bridesmaids looked like the bleached-blonde Captain Caveman she brought as a witness, they may have enjoyed the positive attention.  

 

ETA- the photographer's look of pure shock when he heard her accusations made me believe that Lil' Bridezilla and her pal were full of crap.  Also -- who in God's name needs over 600 photos of any event??  Bitch, you and your dumb husband are not Luke & Laura, and your wedding is not going to sweep the nation.  

Edited by CoolWhipLite
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JJ had perfect timing today.

The busted by fingerprints case could have been ripped from my life over the past few days. Unfortunately, I don't have a police officer in the family and am still waiting for them to find the relative who stole a bunch of property from my elderly parents and pawned it, forcing them to come live with me out of fear he'd return and try to harm them.

I was wrong about a potential JJ appearance. If my siblings and I do find that POS, the case will be featured on Nancy Grace instead of JJ, if you get my drift.

Regarding the case, shame on their ungrateful daughter for stealing from them. She seemed to think it was justified because she has two kids she can't afford since she hasn't worked in a year. There may be a solution to her problem but I guess working to earn money instead of stealing from others just hasn't dawned on her. It's easier to steal what others worked hard to earn. I'm glad her step-father had her thieving ass thrown in jail, even if it did take her away from her precious snowflakes.

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Like everyone has said, there is much more to the stepdaughter story. She wasn't living with them. Maybe drugs? Plus, why would the mom allow the stepdad to put a charge against her daughter for the first issue with the money? Something else with that story.

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(edited)

Like everyone has said, there is much more to the stepdaughter story. She wasn't living with them. Maybe drugs? Plus, why would the mom allow the stepdad to put a charge against her daughter for the first issue with the money? Something else with that story.

I could be wrong, but I thought the step-father said he agreed not to press charges if she paid him back, but then she never paid him back.

teebax, That is horrible what is happening to your parents. You always seem to be a detail oriented person so I get the feeling they are in good hands with you. Have you thought about getting some camera's or an alarm system? Or a Come back you MF'er, I am waiting for your ass! sign? You can get those printed up pretty...

Thanks for the kind words. I spent the weekend installing an alarm system, working with the police, and fortifying their doors and windows. I spent Friday night in their home, sitting with a shotgun in case he returned.

ETA: JJ signed a five year contract extension with CBS. I'm not sure if that was discussed here yet.

Edited by teebax
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Gem I missed the first time around:

JJ: You're on disability, and you can work in Vegas at a wave?

Dirtbag litigant: A rave.

JJ: Whatevuh - a rave.  ......Byrd, what's a rave?

 

And then the plaintiff defines a rave as a "music festival" -- I would have said something more like "traveling clandestine drunken drug-fueled dance party."

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Teebax, sorry for the family problems .... as they say "you can't choose your family but you can choose the ones to cut out your life".  Keeping good thoughts for you and your parents.  No Nancy Grace or Judge Judy in your future.

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CoolWhipLite

I'm using these reruns as an opportunity to look for Buster Brown Hair-Googly Eyes.  Googly Eyes, I will find you someday!!

 

 

 If you have the Goat-killing Pitbull case, Googly-eyes is in the front row, directly to the Plantiff/Goat-Lady's right.

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CoolWhipLite

 

 If you have the Goat-killing Pitbull case, Googly-eyes is in the front row, directly to the Plantiff/Goat-Lady's right.

 

She seems to always wear the same thing:  a grey top either with or without a black cardigan.

 

And then there's that hair...

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Like everyone has said, there is much more to the stepdaughter story. She wasn't living with them. Maybe drugs? Plus, why would the mom allow the stepdad to put a charge against her daughter for the first issue with the money? Something else with that story.

I was thinking to myself: "who in the world steals from their own parents? The step-father has been in her life for 19 years! It's gotta be drugs---" Then right on cue her nose started running. I think this is a tough love situation where the parents are trying to force her to clean up her life.

And the way she persisted with the lie made me slap my forehead. Honey, your fingerprint on the pawn ticket for your mama's watch? The gig is up!

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It's gotta be drugs---" Then right on cue her nose started running. I think this is a tough love situation where the parents are trying to force her to clean up her life.

Oh, you're right!  She was having a running nose during the case.  good catch.  Maybe the mother and her husband want to start racking up the police calls and legal actions against the daughter so they can get custody of their grandchildren.

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The (Missing)Link family? Poor Pappy Link, his corpse being ripped apart by his hyena-like, but very well-fed daughter and estranged (for 23 years )wife? As soon as it became obvious that Dad was on his last legs, daughter runs out and fraudulates insurance company - luckily to no avail -  and gum-chewing, be-wigged Mom reaps untold  (at least for her) riches.

 

Sonny, who is unable to pay his "suspired" tags OR his electricity bill OR repairs on his beater truck, thinks it's wonderful that he and his seemingly brain-damaged girlfriend have SIX children. Good for you, (missing) Link Jr. Even Donald Trump doesn't have six kids, but hey - Jr. wants another boy, so he can pass on those stellar genes of his. The world thanks you for this gift.

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Omg whiny dog owner today in the rerun drove me batty. I had to quit my job, they owe me 5k even though the property owner pretty much covered my bills.

Oh, that poor dog! Silently blinking Morse Code "help me" with his eyes. I just wanted to tell her to stop tugging on his ear already!

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(edited)

Two things I am still wondering about that repeat dog case. First, why was JJ so generous to the plaintiff and order the defendants to pay all of her out-of-pocket balance (or what she deemed a reasonable amount and not all that she was claiming) instead of splitting the amount in half since responsibility was shared? At least she tried to impress upon the plaintiff that her request to have them pay for every inconvenience in her life, big or small, was silly and overblown. I don't think though that JJ managed to penetrate that numb skull of hers. Which is to be expected with someone who did not have enough money to pay for ther dog's care to begin with, and so made the very rational decision to make even less money by quitting her job.

 

Second, what horrendous emotional co-dependency damage has this animal suffered from being constantly stroked and hugged by that wreck of an owner (not to mention having to wear those gaudy accessories)?

 

ETA- the photographer's look of pure shock when he heard her accusations made me believe that Lil' Bridezilla and her pal were full of crap.  Also -- who in God's name needs over 600 photos of any event??  Bitch, you and your dumb husband are not Luke & Laura, and your wedding is not going to sweep the nation.  

I thought that she was one of those over-entitled young women who have dreamed since childhood of a "perfect" wedding and have an idealised and unachievable image of how it should proceed and how every second should be (and were probably encouraged by their parents to do so). Unfortunately, real life caught up with her, but she still could not accept that shit happens and that in some cases you have to just let go.

 

In the dysfunctional family funeral expenses case, the daughter looked like she was painfully constipated throughout the proceedings; it probably has been going on for a long time.

Edited by Florinaldo
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In the dysfunctional family funeral expenses case, the daughter looked like she was painfully constipated throughout the proceedings; it probably has been going on for a long time.

She was so constipated, she was working up a sweat.  And she and her brother had some genetic snafu with their eyes.  I don't know if their eyelids were not in proportion to their eyes or if it was a motor thing or what, but the two of them had to tilt their heads back in order to see something straight-on.  

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Also -- who in God's name needs over 600 photos of any event??  Bitch, you and your dumb husband are not Luke & Laura, and your wedding is not going to sweep the nation.

My dad was a photographer years ago (when he used FILM and developed his own pictures in his own darkroom). He told me once that a photographer might take an entire 36 picture roll and get possibly 2-3 good pictures. Now it's super easy to take a ton of pictures due to digital photography but weddings are notoriously hard to photograph (lots of people looking awkward lots of throwaway pictures, people picking their noses in the background and of course the expectation that EVERYTHING IS SUPPOSED TO BE PERFECT!!!!!!!) The high picture count means a better chance to get more usable pictures. 

 

The new funeral case today was something else. The mama had a big old increase in her gov't payments (plus she remarked she got a settlement from worker's comp to loan the son money). And the stoopid daughter took out an insurance policy on her nursing home dad in order to get her beady eyed sweaty self a big payday like her mama. The son shouldn't have attempted to talk because his eyelids got so heavy that I thought he was going to fall asleep right there (in prior cases I thought it may have been all the fake eyelashes but apparently they are pumping some sleepy gas through the A/C unit there - or else the case was heard after a big old catered lunch and dude was sleeeeepy. 

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The (Missing)Link family? Poor Pappy Link, his corpse being ripped apart by his hyena-like, but very well-fed daughter and estranged (for 23 years )wife? As soon as it became obvious that Dad was on his last legs, daughter runs out and fraudulates insurance company - luckily to no avail -  and gum-chewing, be-wigged Mom reaps untold  (at least for her) riches.

 

Sonny, who is unable to pay his "suspired" tags OR his electricity bill OR repairs on his beater truck, thinks it's wonderful that he and his seemingly brain-damaged girlfriend have SIX children. Good for you, (missing) Link Jr. Even Donald Trump doesn't have six kids, but hey - Jr. wants another boy, so he can pass on those stellar genes of his. The world thanks you for this gift.

 

Yeah, that case was crazy. I like that JJ said that the responsibility to take care of someone's final expenses lie with the spouse since the spouse has the survivor rights. The daughter had major bitchface the entire time and I guess it's because she's probably the responsible one whom the mother leans on while the son and his girlfriend and his eighteen kids are doing them somewhere else.

 

Two things I am still wondering about that repeat dog case. First, why was JJ so generous to the plaintiff and order the defendants to pay all of her out-of-pocket balance (or what she deemed a reasonable amount and not all that she was claiming) instead of splitting the amount in half since responsibility was shared? At least she tried to impress the plaintiff that her request to have them pay for every inconvenience in her life, big or small, was silly and overblown. I don't think though that JJ managed to penetrate that numb skull of hers. Which is to be expected with someone who did not have enough money to pay for ther dog's care to begin with, and so made the very rational decision to make even less money by quitting her job.

 

Yeah, I remembered that case. She's crazy and probably needs a life. I'm sorry to stereotype, but she had three "crazy" tells: 1) single with multiple pets (and while I love dogs they can be pretty high-maintenance); 2) gardens; 3) quit her job for her pet. On the other hand, the face on the poodle she was holding was breaking my heart. See, I'm kind of a softy.

 

Did you guys see the freaking forehead on the chick she was suing, though? That chick had a fucking shovelhead.

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Which is to be expected with someone who did not have enough money to pay for ther dog's care to begin with, and so made the very rational decision to make even less money by quitting her job.

Nothing irritates me more* than pet owners who are all, "OMG! I love my (dog/cat) so much! They're like my child!" and then get all shocked when something happens and they have to pay a vet bill they now suddenly cannot/will not afford. Note to these people: get pet insurance or set aside money every month for their eventual medical needs (because they will have them). Just because you feed them and put them in stupid outfits doesn't make you a responsible owner.

That woman seemed mentally unhinged. I felt sorry for her poor dog for so many, MANY reasons.

*Total hyperbole. No doubt something else will irritate me even more tomorrow.

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I have one tiny issue with the case today involving the guy whose studio was burglarized and he thought the owners of the building were liable. What was up with the fake cameras the landlord had up? It would seem to be misleading to possible tenants, giving the impression of a security system.

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Evil witch from Snow White - Even though I was grossed out that the defendant now lives without plumbing, I did feel sympathy for her in some regard.  I believed the daughter's allegations of her nasty mother's emotional abuse. She obviously had a shitty upbringing, and she didn't find a way to lift herself out of the cycle she was raised in.  And that gurning-faced mother and her other toothless daughter wanted us to believe that her hovel had been spic-and-span before the plaintiff and her boyfriend moved in?  We're not stupid.  I think if this case was in Judge Milian's court, she would have reamed that mother out.  JM would have shamed the mother for being cruel and a liar. 

 

A Byrd by another name - Plaintiff Byrd had no common sense, and he wouldn't STFU.  Dude, if you liked your recording equipment that much, you would have gotten renters' insurance.  Suing the landlord was a stretch.

 

What's a Yearbook Partner? - I just love when JJ makes kids sit beside her.  Tavionne, a couple of weeks shy of a full Kid n Play/Christopher Reid hairstyle, was surely punished by his mother for not sticking to the story they had rehearsed.

 

JJ won't bite - I just loved little Adrian.  What a little dollface!  I knew his story had been rehearsed when he said "10 minutes" (an 8-year-old playing rarely thinks about time in terms of precise minutes) and the directional word "left" (most kids his age would use a non-verbal way to describe how they fell because they're still working to master left and right).  The neighbor actually seemed like a nice lady who wants Adrian's mom to step up and watch her kids.  Of course, Adrian's mom denied that her son had anything to do with anything. 

 

Seriously, though -- what is a yearbook partner?

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