All Episodes Talk: All Rise

[AngelaHunter]

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worthless little punks Malika and Miracle

 

Jeebus. Can anyone tell me what kind of school gave them such high grades, since of course I'm sure they were being honest about that, right? Must be in subjects other than English grammar.

 

"She do"..."He don't be down dere." Maybe Mom should have shelled out the bucks for some remedial English courses instead of buying wigs for 14 year olds. Some "Miracle." Nasty little vermin they were. BUT, we got the fake office with the fake library!

 

Quote

Bicycle Smash

 

That cyclist? I kind of wish I could hit him myself. "As I go sailing at high speed through a red light ( I was in a hurry!) that motorist had the unmitigated gall to believe he could start moving without giving a thought to overly entitled assholes like me, who feels no laws are applicable where I'm concerned."

 

The Twink who appeared to have travelled through a time portal from the 1967 British Invasion? If he had learned to wash floors better, he could still be comfortably living with Mommy.

Edited February 13, 2015 by AngelaHunter

[QuinnM]

That cyclist? I kind of wish I could hit him myself.

Hey dingbat with a bike. You realize the car was to the right of the bus so he couldn't see that you had every intention of blowing that light? I don't need to be careful and assume you're so stupid that you'll play chicken against a traffic light with a 1 ton cannon on wheels. We should be seeing this guys obit any day.

[Rick Kitchen]

 

Jeebus. Can anyone tell me what kind of school gave them such high grades, since of course I'm sure they were being honest about that, right? Must be in subjects other than English grammar.

 

Thank you, I was just coming here to talk about that.  These girls are A and B students?  They can't even speak English!

[SandyToes]

Did my ears deceive me, or did Miracle call her sister "Malikala" at least once? Two scary girls. We were taking bets on when they'll be back in court again. My money's ($10!!) on within the year. Wish Cousin PeeWee had sued for more.  Absolutely four gavels! 

[AngelaHunter]

These girls are A and B students?

 

Maybe some schools are now teaching courses in lying and stealing?

[BubblingKettle]

Yeppers!!! Douglas is hot!!!  And... I'll bet if called upon, he would use Kelly BB ONLINE for gawd's sake!

Douglas is one handsome man!  I love me some Douglas.  Weird fact: Douglas isn't his real name, his name is Jerome McIntosh, and he lists "Douglas" as the character's name.   http://jeromemcintosh.com/resume-jeromes-resume

[Florinaldo]

I am in the camp of those who give the benefit of the doubt to cyclists in cases of collision between a car and a bicycle. I admit bias since I am a cyclist; I see many car drivers who either are physiologically incapable of perceiving the existence of smaller vehicles on the side of the road or seem to believe that their steel behemoth is made of some kind of intangible material that any object they hit will simply pass through without damage. But there are a few exceptions, like the devil-may-care defendant, the type of cyclist who gives every other one a bad name; I bet he yells at other cyclists who stop at red lights or stop signs because they are in his way and slowing him down (that happened to me a few times). I used to believe that getting hit only once would be sufficient to induce a change of behaviour in them, but obviously the lesson did not take in his case since he was using as an explanation in the hallterview the dumb "I was in a hurry" excuse. I now think that those people should not only be hit, but also hurt; one or two broken limbs should make a more lasting impression and perhaps instill in them some caution and respect for the rules of the road.

 

Malika, Miracle and their idiot mother would be ideal subjects for a study trying to establish if lying is a hereditary trait or if it's more acquired through nurture. Although in this case stupidity obviously skipped a generation: as she stood there with her dazed look, that dimwitted woman came across as gullible enough to swallow every lie these girls are feeding her. By the sour pout Malika was sporting after the phone call to her aunt, it was obvious that they are not used to their web of lies being exposed. They will have to hone their craftiness further with more worthy opponents than their dullard of a mother if they intend to survive in life by lying.

 

I missed the part where they were described as some of the best students in their school. If that is the case, I can only shudder at how the other pupils are talking; if they ever showed up in JJ's court, an interpreter would probably be required, although I am not sure they could find one certified in whatever lingo those punks are expressing (I use the term loosely) themselves in. Also, was there an inexplicable surge in popularity for "Miracle" a dozen years or so ago? That is the only way I can explain how two friends can coincidentally just happen to bear such a stupid name (except of course if she was lying).

Edited February 14, 2015 by Florinaldo

[Quof]

Oh for the love of god.... I missed the conclusion of Judge Judy's Smack Down of Malika and Miracle. BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO SNOW IN BOSTON.  I may just give up trying to watch this show until spring.

[AngelaHunter]

I now think that those people should not only be hit, but also hurt; one or two broken limbs should make a more lasting impression and perhaps instill in them some caution and respect for the rules of the road.

 

I cycle and drive a car and I agree with you. The fact that the idiot could have died right there, or been turned into a quadriplegic made zero impression on him.

 

When I cycle I obey the rules of the road just as I do in my car and would never say, in essence, "Drivers should just sit for awhile at a green light to make sure that there no cyclists deciding that they can ignore a red light if they're in a hurry." How lucky that plaintiff had that tape. No more words were necessary.

 

Quof, I so feel your pain. For some reason lately, I'm just getting the ambulance type beeps and crawlers along the top of the screen, instead of the obnoxious butt-ins. Waiting until spring may not help you, since there could be rain then. It's been snowing for a week here, with arctic temps, yet our local stations would never feel the need to interrupt programming to tell us something we know just by looking out the window.

[me5671]

Hey dingbat with a bike. You realize the car was to the right of the bus so he couldn't see that you had every intention of blowing that light? I don't need to be careful and assume you're so stupid that you'll play chicken against a traffic light with a 1 ton cannon on wheels. We should be seeing this guys obit any day.

 

This guy seriously pissed me off.  What a complete moron.  "I feel like he could have been more careful".  How could he even say that with a straight face after watching video evidence proving that HE was the one who blew through a red light?  And then he doubled down on his idiocy in the hallterview by repeating that nonsense and calling the other guy a crazy driver.  I'm almost impressed by both his imbicility and his lack of self-awareness.

[knitorpurl]

This was an awesome JJ day. Liars were being revealed in case after case and justice was served.

 

Miracle and Malika were so smooth and practiced in their lying skills. Hey, mom, their grandma sleeps with her purse behind her head so that your brats won't steal from her- it might be time to get a clue. The plaintiff better have this tape on hand for future incidents as I can see these two trying to say he attacked them, tried to molest them, etc when caught in a lie in the future. That phone call was golden.

 

The bike case was looking bad for the driver until that bus footage played out the truth. And the bike rider was still insisting that he didn't do anything wrong.

 

And the $10 poker criminal- seriously? What is wrong with people? And hey, Mrs. poker criminal, way to exaggerate- 50% Minneapolis has dreads. She is a smooth operator. If she and poker criminal ever have kids they are sure to be Miracle and Milika clones.

[AngelaHunter]

If she and poker criminal ever have kids

 

I hate to tell you this, but they already have kids. The $10 card shark stays home and looks after them when he's not playing cards or burglarizing homes (he's never had a job in his life, according to plaintiff) and Ms. $10 works...oh, wait, no she doesn't. Well, she's on leave from a job she's had for two years, so there's that.

[teebax]

Jeebus. Can anyone tell me what kind of school gave them such high grades, since of course I'm sure they were being honest about that, right? Must be in subjects other than English grammar.

"She do"..."He don't be down dere." Maybe Mom should have shelled out the bucks for some remedial English courses instead of buying wigs for 14 year olds. Some "Miracle." Nasty little vermin they were. BUT, we got the fake office with the fake ...

I have been told countless times by people, mostly online and in articles, that majoring in English is completely worthless. It's funny to me, because my degree is in English, and it has served me quite well. Also, I don't have a single college buddy (we all have English degrees) who isn't doing just fine. We are working in real jobs for real money.

It's amazing how much work you can get if you can simply read and write well. I've been a journalist, a teacher, and an insurance agent. I also make very good money, and I've been quite comfortable for many years. Some colleges are talking about not even offering English as a major. I think that would be a mistake. We are hurtling towards the movie Idiocracy becoming a reality; people of the future will only speak in grunts. I'm recently single and have started dating online. Oh my goodness. Most of these women don't make it past the first conversation with me. I can't believe what passes for English these days and refuse to date anyone who is going to make my ears bleed.

When I hear litigants who can barely speak English it doesn't amuse me; it just makes me sad. I guess they don't teach grammar in grammar school anymore.

Rant over. I'm finally home, despite the plethora of drivers on I-10 who tried to kill me on the road, and I'm looking forward to catching up on my JJ episodes during what is, for me, a three-day weekend. I hope you all will indulge me this weekend if I choose to post about one of the bon mots I've read here. I can't wait to see some of these cases!

Edited February 14, 2015 by teebax

[Brattinella]

Most of these women don't make it past the first conversation with me, I can't believe what passes for English these days and refuse to date anyone who is going to make my ears bleed.

When I hear litigants who can barely speak English it doesn't amuse me; it just makes me sad. I guess they don't teach grammar in grammar school anymore.

 

Me too, teebax.  I just hate it!  I REALLY like having a literate and well-spoken partner and friends.

[momtoall]

These girls are A and B students?

 

No, they're liars that lie.  Those little heifers probably only go to school enough to keep the truant officers at bay.

It's amazing how much work you can get if you can simply read and write well.

 

I found this to be true also.  I feel so sad listening to the mangled English many people are speaking.

[AngelaHunter]

It's amazing how much work you can get if you can simply read and write well.

 

Being able to put together one grammatically correct sentence in your mother tongue is becoming a lost art, much like the crafting of true leaded stained glass.

 

 

 

We are hurtling towards the movie Idiocracy becoming a reality; people of the future will only speak in grunts.

 

Grunts and text-speak. I've been saying that for years, but it was only when I started regularly watching JJ that it hit me - "Idiocracy" was not a zany comedy at all. It was a prophecy.

[Jamoche]

I don't think I've ever seen JJ do a turnaround like the one on the bike case - from "You want rental reimbursement too? If I hit a bike I'd just be going thank god nobody got hurt" to "whoa, biker, that's so obviously your fault that not only are you paying the deductible, you're doing the rental too."

[27bored]

Me too, teebax.  I just hate it!  I REALLY like having a literate and well-spoken partner and friends.

 

I agree, even though a lot of the girls I've dated have said I curse too much and talk about people. But hell I don't know what the fuck any of those hos were talking about. Shit.

 

And Miracle's wig looked like who did it and ran.

[Zahdii]

I agree, even though a lot of the girls I've dated have said I curse too much and talk about people. But hell I don't know what the fuck any of those hos were talking about. Shit.

 

And Miracle's wig looked like who did it and ran.

 

I really hope you're just being facetious!  :)

[teebax]

After sifting through a bunch of episodes that were, quite frankly, a snooze fest that made me appreciate Toaster even more, I finally got to Ms. Nasus Largus and her merry band of young, male roommates. Judge Judy did something that ticked me off (what else is new?) by implying that you have to be attractive to be sexually harassed. That's not only a dangerous assumption to make but also categorically untrue.

Sexual harassment is rarely about the level of attractiveness. People can become obsessed with you regardless of how much of an ogre you appear to be. I am a fairly attractive woman, if I must say so myself. My sister, who is also my best friend, is gorgeous. She could have easily been a model. She looks a bit like Jasmine Guy looked back in the day. Yet, when we go out, I tend to be the one getting all the unwanted attention of men. Were I to sue one of them for harassing me would JJ point to my sister and say, "I don't believe he harassed you because you're not as good looking as your sister?"

I don't believe his story for other reasons, but shame on JJ for making her snide remarks about his looks. Besides, that's our job to do!

In the bike versus car case, I completely agreed with JJ. If I were to hit a cyclist with my car, I'd just be thrilled that they were okay and just eat the deductible while thanking my blessings. Then I saw the video. That bicyclist is a freaking moron. He could have gotten killed. What was he thinking? Car v. Bike doesn't usually go well for bike. As someone who enjoys riding a bicycle, you need to follow the same rules of the road the cars do. Otherwise you're not going to be a bicyclist for long. Judging from the rider's hallterview, not much of value would be lost if he'd been seriously injured. What a tool.

Edited February 14, 2015 by teebax

[DebbieW]

RE:  The Teaching of Grammar in Grammar School -

 

I teach 2nd and 3rd grade students with learning disabilities.  Most of them already speak better than what we see on any of these court shows.

 

Most speech patterns are well established before a child ever sets foot into a kindergarten classroom (wit, wid, or with, for example) and it's a battle for teachers every day to overcome it because the kids eventually leave the classroom and go home, being further exposed to poor language.  I have a student whose parents speak very little English, but he can repeat everything SpongeBob says in English perfectly, right down to the cartoon character's annoying voice tone and pronunciation.

 

I have a 3rd grader that has been in my class since he was in 1st grade, and every day we still work on saying "went" instead of "goed".  His grandparents think it's oh so adorable, so they never correct him.

 

My local liquor store clerks  now know me by name.

[momtoall]

My local liquor store clerks  now know me by name.

 

Drinking, the price for attempting to educate our youth.

Edited February 14, 2015 by momtoall

[wallysmommy]

Re: Miracle et al. vs. Properly Spoken English 

 

I taught for several years at the university level, often in the MBA program.  I was amazed at the lack of ability to write coherently among students who entered the program.  I could almost predict from which local university they received their undergraduate degree.  I cringe every time I hear scrambled verb tense, particularly of the type we hear on JJ.  

[One Tough Cookie]

taught for several years at the university level, often in the MBA program.  I was amazed at the lack of ability to write coherently among students who entered the program.  I could almost predict from which local university they received their undergraduate degree.  I cringe every time I hear scrambled verb tense, particularly of the type we hear on JJ. 

 

I worked with high schoolers for YEARS and have to tell you, most of them could barely write a grammatically correct sentence, let alone a five paragraph essay required on standardized tests.

 

And my son got his MBA several years ago and had me proof all his papers for grammar and punctuation.  I have to admit {altho I would NEVER say this to his face}  I wasn't too impressed with the level of writing from this college grad, even tho we sent him to private schools all his life and he graduated college 3rd in his class!!!!

[27bored]

I really hope you're just being facetious!  :)

About Miracle's wig or about me? ;)

 

But nah, I'm well aware of my shortcomings. That's why I turn tricks. The money's okay, and the Yelp reviews on my hot pocket say it's on point, but I need love too. My life is basically "Roc Me Out" by Rihanna. #dirtysecret

[Brattinella]

Did you notice that Miracle and Malika's mom is named Elmer (Tricie) Taylor?

[AngelaHunter]

Miracle and Malika's mom is named Elmer

 

I did not notice that! I imagine she may have thought, "My name is Elmer, so I'll give my daughter a wonderful, beautiful and special name like "Miracle."

 

I can't help thinking about the other Elmer (Fudd) who would pronounce it, "Miwwacle."  Sorry, Elmer. JJ didn't view your offspring as miraculous in any way.

 

And maybe we're being too hard on Miwwacle. Maybe she bought that wig herself, with money she stole from her disabled granny. Oh... I guess we're not being too hard on her after all.

[NowVoyager]

(Saying a small prayer everybody's dvrs are working & nobody's preempted from the weather....Amen.)

A full episode case. Mother suing daughter for assault. The mother accused daughter of sleeping with her boyfriend. The mother is bat-shit crazy, yet works for the Department of Mental Health. The daughter has some baby daddy situation, yet works for Planned Parenthood.

The mother is wearing a blue bandana as a headband. Actually, it's the latest in fashion to do that, but this epi is from 2010. Is the mother repping for the Crips gang or something?!

JJ threw the case out & repeatedly told the mother to seek help. Mind. Blown.

Edited February 14, 2015 by NowVoyager

[AngelaHunter]

Mother suing daughter for assault.

 

I remember that clearly. This is the ep that I use as an example to anyone who questions if the cases are real or not. Not even the best writers could come up with crazy shit like this.

[QuelleC]

When I listen to kids like Miracle and Malika and their family I try my best to understand that if they came from multilingual households in their heritage, most of the Latin based languages don't include a form of the infinitive to be when saying something like he is going.  It's simply il va or el va which means he goes or he is going.  So they might substitute the infinitive and say he be going or drop it entirely and say he go.  And sometimes it comes up that someone talks about their hairs (being cut, etc).  In French the word cheveaux is plural so I do my best to understand that too. These girls however... I get the feeling they're sticking their middle fingers at any part of being a functional productive citizen. 

 

I also graduated with an English degree and am sometimes told I don't sound like I'm from the northern Midwest or that I must be from Canada.  Writing and communication skills have helped me get a number of jobs although I'm not doing nearly as well as the rest of you in Walker's Wisconsin due to lack of opportunity and transportation and the economic drain of raising a son on my own.  However, it has taught me research and analytical skills.  I'm not the best writer but I tend to see right through things like the corporate culture bs I''m forced to swallow.  Sometimes I'm accused of being too critical but it's not mean spirited.  I was trained to analyze language for meaning and I love some great snark.  That's why I'm on PTV.

[AngelaHunter]

Mybrainhurts - I love your handle and have to assume you chose it (or it chose you) after watching multiple episodes of JJ?

[Florinaldo]

When I listen to kids like Miracle and Malika and their family I try my best to understand that if they came from multilingual households in their heritage, most of the Latin based languages don't include a form of the infinitive to be when saying something like he is going.  It's simply il va or el va which means he goes or he is going.  So they might substitute the infinitive and say he be going or drop it entirely and say he go.  And sometimes it comes up that someone talks about their hairs (being cut, etc).  In French the word cheveaux is plural so I do my best to understand that too. These girls however... I get the feeling they're sticking their middle fingers at any part of being a functional productive citizen. 

Interesting; I have rarely seen English contaminated by Latin forms in the way you describe, more the reverse, but it may indeed be the case where Spanish is one of the languages in the home. The lack of -ing form is usually compensated by the addition of another word to indicate something is currently happening (for example "il y va" for he is going) or by substituting a more active verb. Slight correction: there is a singular form for hair in French, "cheveu", but it's true that people usually refer to their hair in the plural "cheveux", for instance when they get a haircut.

 

"Cheveaux" sounds like a portmanteau word for a breed of very hairy horses ("chevaux").

 

In the end I prefer to believe that the two girls were lying about their achievements in school; believing them turns out to be too depressing.

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

Miwwicle and Mawwweka reminded me of one of JJ's favorite rules "How can you tell if a teenager is lying? Her lips are moving!" (**rim shot) Even they didn't believe the story they had practiced in front of the mirrow. I hope Elmer enjoys spending her time sitting in the school office or at juvenile intake waiting to pick her her "pretty little liars" on a regular basis. 

 

I was hoping that, in the hallterview, he'd give us a quick update on his son Bark Ruffalo and invite us to New York's hottest club, MmmmHmmm, owned by Baloney Danza. This place has everything: puppets practicing karate, Furkels (fat Urkels), the bathtub from the Viagra commercial, and music by DJ Baby Bok Choy.

CoolWhipLite, I bow in deference to your verbosity ***we're not worthy! we're not worthy!***

 

As for the renegade bike guy - we have a bunch of random bike guys (not kids, grown adults) near where I live who will randomly drive across six lanes of traffic regardless of the traffic pattern. Doesn't matter if the light is red, green or purple. Doesn't matter if there are cars, trucks or buses. One guy got run over by a Comcast truck right outside of my community about a year ago - he rode right in front of Mr. Comcast without looking - had a pint of alcohol in his backpack. Not to generalize but a lot of the guys around here ride bikes because they've had DUIs and lost their licenses (which is a lot better than driving, but riding a bike under the influence is still really stupid)

 

**blinks** Did it snow in Boston over the weekend? ;) 

[QuelleC]

I totally agree, stewedsquash.  The thing is, they lied about absolutely everything else. 

[AngelaHunter]

I really liked that guy. He is one of my top 5 favorite litigants now.

 

I liked him too. He's not overly endowed with intelligence but he told a straightforward and honest story and I believed everything he said, as did JJ.

 

As for those girls and their lies - they didn't appear to be flustered, embarassed or ashamed in any way and I can't see them ever acquiring qualities that will make them worthwhile members of society. They'll probably continue as they are, avaricious and opportunistic and will go through life blaming their behavior on someone else. They're 14 and 15 and stealing from a disabled, elderly grandmother as any hardened criminal might, and have the advantage of a mother who backs them up. They're cooked already.

 

 

[Mybrainhurts]

Mybrainhurts - I love your handle and have to assume you chose it (or it chose you) after watching multiple episodes of JJ?

 

Thank you!  Sadly, (or I should say embarrassingly), my name came after a really bad episode of Smallville when I'd swore I'd never watch TV again because it made my brain hurt so much.  I just figured it would be the perfect name to comment on bad television and it especially fits when watching JJ, especially after watching the saintly pair of convent schoolgirls on Friday.

[Zahdii]

Now that she's been pointed out to me, I just saw an episode with Googly Eyes in it!  She was seated behind the defendant for most of the show, but disappeared by the time JJ rendered a verdict.  Maybe she was removed because she kept moving her eyes from one side to the other.  It looked like she was watching a tennis match but was unable to turn her head.

 

BTW, during the case the defendant came across as too good for the douchey ex boyfriend plaintiff and his useless baby mama.  But I googled the defendant after the show and I think it's quite possible that she's the worst of the bunch with her outstanding warrants and past convictions for burglary, drugs, and a weapons charge.  I bet if JJ had known all that she'd have refused to hear the case at all, rather than give the defendant a monetary award.

[AngelaHunter]

swore I'd never watch TV again because it made my brain hurt so much.

 

That's why I did stop watching TV, except for JJ and one other show. My brain hurt too. Okay, watching JJ litigants can also make it hurt but at least I know there will be a payoff in seeing the assorted miscreants, scumbags and liars getting reamed.

 

I really wish we'd get more incompetant, arrogant lawyers. I love seeing them get pounded more than anyone else.

[Sarcastico]

 

A full episode case. Mother suing daughter for assault. The mother accused daughter of sleeping with her boyfriend. The mother is bat-shit crazy, yet works for the Department of Mental Health. The daughter has some baby daddy situation, yet works for Planned Parenthood.

 

A classic in so many ways.  Including this little exchange between JJ and the crazy mama plaintiff near the end:

 

JUDY:  Is that or is that not the truth?

MAMA: Yes.

 

Missed a whole week of Judy while I was on a cross-country road trip with a friend who  moved from Baltimore to Phoenix.  But I checked in here a couple of times.  He had to drive his car out there and his dog.  So I came along for the ride and to help out in general.  5 days: Baltimore-Charlotte-Mobile-San Antonio-El Paso-Phoenix.  No bad weather but it was quite chilly until we got to El Paso.  Flew back to NJ last Tuesday.  Missed ya ******bitches!

[Toaster Strudel]

Post-Valentine Day Special!  If you didn't have a Valentine this year, JJ is there for you to show you that love isn't always everything that it's cracked up to be.

 

Messing With Females - If your brain is sensitive to aural injuries, watch this 30 minute case with ear plugs and close-captioning.  The defendant was working overtime trying to be cute with her sing-song voice in the dog-whistle range, batting her shaggy-rug, hairbrush, afro-comb  false eyelashes, incessantly flicking her acrylic nails, and fanning herself, because, like, she's suuuuch a supportive girlfriend... until such time as she comes swinging with a baseball bat.   Even worse was the worthless defendant and ex-boyfriend who spoke through a 5¢ kazoo the entire time.  Argh! JJ's ears were visibly squinting trying to understand the abject drivel that he was trying to put forth without making the effort of moving his lips or his tongue.  I'll never understand how any woman would look at this mediocre representative of the human race and find him worthy of a second look, and endure even a single minute of his mouthful-of-mashed-potatoes conversation - let alone buy him a Macbook because surprise! his credit sucks balls, too.  He didn't ingratiate himself with JJ when he trolled her that the computer was for watching porn, or as she heard out of his cotton mouth, "sports."  Both litigants had serious cases of JJ-interruptus, the basically-itis, and wanton proliferation of "likes."  Three gavels, plus an extra 0.5 gavels for the defendant starting to strip when booted out for a memorable WTF moment: 3.5 gavels.

 

Suds of a Broken Heart - Two dull litigants break up, the defendant gets jealous, gives the plaintiff a soapy, scratchy, paint-peeling car wash.  One bubbly gavel.

 

Yes But Was The Broom Damaged? - I'm not sure if JJ got all the facts as they happened as much as how she wishes they had happened.  Both litigants were dodgy on the kerfuffle where some dingy bike met the asphalt, and the broom met the car.  I kinda agree with JJ that the plaintiff looked like an overindulged loser.  1.5 gavel.

[AngelaHunter]

We missed you too, Sarcastico!

 

RE: The 3.5 Gavel case. I'm torn, as it sounds like a top-notch freak show but I'm not sure if I want to sit through it all, yelling, "OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" constantly, getting eye strain from all the rolling and ear strain from the cringe-worthy, broken English.  But yeah, I know I'll watch it.

 

plaintiff looked like an overindulged loser.

 

A common species on this show.

[teebax]

Missed a whole week of Judy while I was on a cross-country road trip with a friend who  moved from Baltimore to Phoenix.  But I checked in here a couple of times.  He had to drive his car out there and his dog.  So I came along for the ride and to help out in general.  5 days: Baltimore-Charlotte-Mobile-San Antonio-El Paso-Phoenix.  No bad weather but it was quite chilly until we got to El Paso.  Flew back to NJ last Tuesday.  Missed ya ******bitches!

I missed last week's episodes due to a trip to Phoenix as well. To my horror, they air JJ in Phoenix in the early afternoon, so I missed the entire week. At least here in Tucson they have the good sense to air the new JJ episodes at 6 pm so we office drones can see them. Anyway, welcome back.

I saw a repeat during my marathon today (still catching up) in which a manager of a fast food place claimed that her employee making $8.75 an hour paid her $1,185 in order to get extra hours at work. It wasn't a loan, your honor; it was a bribe. Talk about making my brain hurt! That goes down as one of the stupidest defenses I've ever heard.

[AngelaHunter]

From now on, I will comment on the grammar of litigants only when it's good. This will save me uncountable keystrokes. "Cherise", a 22 year old college student, appeared to have (as one of my high school teachers said) "constipation of the brain and diahrrea of the mouth). I know she thought she was super cute and all, but listening to her literally gave me a headache. And when did giant fake eyelashes come back into fashion? Hers looked like one big solid slab of something or other. Cherise, you are not nearly as cute as you think you are. Oh, and if you ever go to court again (which seems likely) do NOT address the judge as "Girl." 'kay?

 

I can understand why the inarticulate Eric has lots of other "females he's messin' wid." You charmer, you! I could feel the charisma right through my screen.

 

"Talk like a person!" JJ, get real. DId you really think he knew what "exclusive" means?

 

I've been around for awhile, and had a few boyfriends. We've broken up, and in one case I got dumped. Why did it never occur to me to go their houses with a baseball bat? Why did I never vandalize their property? I missed out on a lot of drama. Low class, trashy scumbag drama, but drama nevertheless.

 

Erica, you're the one who wanted that silly, stupid Hobbit-y looking boy as your One and Only. You're way dumber than you look.

Edited February 16, 2015 by AngelaHunter

[teebax]

And when did giant fake eyelashes come back into fashion? Hers looked like one big solid slab of something or other.

I've been noticing a lot of that, too. In fact, I think we recently had a case specifically about eyelashes. I'm one of those freaks who has to be picky about glasses because my natural eyelashes are so long they bang against some of them. So the eyelash obsession has never made sense to me. I'm looking for a way to make mine shorter, not longer.

When I see women obsess over something like this, I think about something the comedian Chris Porter talks about in his special (it's on Netlifx, and I can't recommend it enough because the whole thing is hilarious.) Anyway, he's talking about how women stress about their physical appearance, particularly shoes. He said that women do that stuff for each other, not for guys. He said something like, "No dude has ever said, that woman is really hot. I'd totally want to have sex with her but her outfit doesn't make sense."

[BubblingKettle]

Even worse was the worthless defendant and ex-boyfriend who spoke through a 5¢ kazoo the entire time.  

Way too funny!!!!  And true.

 

AngelaHunter - Messing with Females is must-see entertainment.  I won't spoil it, but you'll especially like what's going on when JJ says to Byrd, "Uh oh, now he's getting warm."

 

Eric Comegys - could you be more annoyed and churlish?  And did Eric have braces or a grill?  If they were braces, I must say I'm surprised he didn't opt for Invisaligns, as Cherise claimed his job is "in fashion" and he apparently likes to keep a long chill wit/mess wit list of "females."  I found Cherise Stephens' constant attempts at being sexycute were annoying.   And there sure was a lot of giggling and talking out of turn in this case...I guess JJ thought the case was good for ratings and had a lighter touch.  The audience and I had similar expressions on our faces when Eric said to JJ, "Can you hear me?"  Yes, jaws were a-droppin.  And then he had a Kanye West Pout for the rest of the case.  Mr. Comegys' fresh mouth would not have lasted that long with me.  I would not be surprised if Ms. Stephens and Mr. Comegys go back to messin wit each other.  Like JJ said to Byrd, "They're a matched set."

 

Gems in that case:

JJ:  "When did you tell her that you had other females you were messin' with?"  

 

Byrd:  "He said...He. Watches. Porn."

JJ:  "I thought he said sports!"

 

Comedy Gold=JJ reading the text messages.

 

I vow that, someday, I WILL tell someone "No like and no basically."

------

In the next episode's case, Suds of a Broken Heart:

Mr. Winston: {mumbles} How you doin?

JJ: {Looks like she smells something foul.}

 

More adult braces....I feel bad for these people going old school with thick metal braces when there are so many other orthodontic options out there.  I say that as someone who had Invisalign in my 20's.  

---

The broom case: Mr. Gonzales was a real dick, and he sports a grade-school haircut, neck tat, and fugly, outdated facial hair.  Nice job, jerk -- cheating on your fiancee on Christmas Eve and sneaking back through the basement on Christmas morning.  Yeah, I would have tipped his bike over and beaten HIM with a broom....but, if I was Ms. Whatshername, then I'd also broom-beat myself a few times for being seriously involved with such a lying a-hole. 

[AngelaHunter]

More adult braces....I feel bad for these people going old school with thick metal braces when there are so many other orthodontic options out there.

 

Not sure about you, but I know I'm obsolete. Maybe big, heavy, glittery metal braces are in style now, along with the circa 1966 eyelashes that appear to be so heavy that the wearer's lids are at half-mast?  Maybe it's hot or something? When it comes to "What's Hot and What's Not" I don't know if I'm afoot or horseback.

 

Comedy Gold=JJ reading the text messages.

 

 

She's finally learned how to translate illiterate "texes" into English. Hey, there's an idea for Babelfish!

.

[Brattinella]

I'm STILL laughing at Mr Mac Book Pro Comegys!  From his very first utterance, I was picturing this Giant Cartoon Mallet bopping him on the head!  And demanding of JJ "LISTEN"... HAHAHA!  Cherise, she of the shag-carpet eyelashes, calling JJ "Gurl" was just about perfect, too.  She just wants me back, your honor! God save us!

 

I was dying!

[QuinnM]

I love that Suds of a Broken Heart plaintiff clearly and concisely explained what a snapchat message is and why she doesn't have the message.  Kudzoos!  And JJ took it in, listened and didn't challenge it.  JJ is slowly coming into the 21st century.

[SandyToes]

What I love most about Toaster Strudel's excellent recaps is going back after the show to re-read them.  Hysterical. I had missed the extra 0.5 gavel awarded (and why!) but it cracked me up. I wonder what show Cherise thought she was auditioning for?  "It's juicy, girl!"  Not something I'd ever THINK to say in court... But I'm, like, basically, you know, um, like, literate. Basically. You know.

And my closed captioning captured Mr. Comegy's speech quite perfectly. Loved his complete candor of why he needed a laptop: "I watch porn."  (but quickly backtracked)  Wish we'd seen Byrd's face.

[AngelaHunter]

Mr. Gonzales was a real dick, and he sports a grade-school haircut, neck tat, and fugly, outdated facial hair.

 

Yes, he's all that and more - so much more -  but the def. wanted him. She wanted to MARRY him. Another woman wants him too, if you can work your head around to imagining that. No wonder all these fugly losers think they're hot studs. Women are willing to fight tooth and nail (and baseball bat) for them.