Small Talk: The Polygamous Cul-de-Sac

[Kohola3]

3 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

Block the numbers 

I subscribe to Nomoobo on my landline.  It works like a charm.  It "senses" those mass-dialed calls and cuts off the ring after one jingle.  I love it.  It's free and easy to sign up for.  I think they have a paid version for cell phones but I haven't researched it.

[Olliesmom]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

I subscribe to Nomoobo on my landline.  It works like a charm.  It "senses" those mass-dialed calls and cuts off the ring after one jingle.  I love it.  It's free and easy to sign up for.  I think they have a paid version for cell phones but I haven't researched it.

Doesn’t work for me. I have it on both my cell and landline.  I get at least 6 robocalls a day on each phone.  I block the numbers, but they just call on another number. The worst offender is the “your car warranty is expiring.....this is your last courtesy call...”.  I get the call every single day.  😩

[Yeah No]

I've found Verizon's spam call blocking options confusing because they depend on what kind of phone you have.  Some cell phones can use a Verizon app called "Call Filter" while others don't use an app but you can call them to activate it on your phone and it works just like an app.  It has reduced the number of robocalls I get significantly.  Most of whatever does come in is marked as "potential spam" on the screen so you can make your decision (and it is always spam so I ignore those).  I'd say it has reduced the number of robocalls I get from a few a day to only a few a week, if that.  I've also found it more effective than any of the 3rd party robocall apps I had before this.

My husband recently moved over from another carrier to Verizon and continued to get as many robocalls as he did before until I told him to call customer support to find out how to block spam calls.  He has an iPhone so they directed him to the "Call Filter" app.  It works just as well as whatever I have on my phone.  His problem was so bad he was getting several robocalls a day.  Now like me he only gets a few a week if that and most of them are labeled as "potential spam".  

So anyway even if you're not on Verizon I'd recommend calling your carrier to find out the best options because they will probably have the best advice.

Also, I tend not to answer calls that I don't recognize anyway, especially those from outside my general area.  If they're legitimate they'll leave a voicemail.  The less you answer these calls the less you'll get them.  It's just like with spam email.  Don't open them or they'll know someone's on the other end receiving their spam and send you even more.

[suomi]

I use a senior citizen budget carrier- Consumer Cellular. 250 minutes for $15 and unlimited for $20. I start every month w/ 250 and if I go over they bump me to the next level automatically w/o fees or penalty.

A few months ago they added a filter (?) that labels some calls as Spam or Suspected Spam and I use the new Block and Report options on those right quick. They are easy to use but the exact same bunco messages start going to voicemail via a different un-blocked, un-filtered number.

I guess CC recognizes the source even from a different number because it doesn't ring but the number shows in Missed Calls? I don't know if I am explaining it correctly, it's way above my pay grade, LOL

I ordered a shed and added the shed company as a Contact. But the scheduler called using her cell phone and of course I didn't pick up for an unknown caller. I add WalMart delivery drivers as I learn who they are, the same w/ Domino's drivers but new ones always come along.

Usually bunco emails are rare and I've never had as large a batch as this recent crop. It's like a switch was flipped or a gate opened. It seems odd that the volume of robo callers (which was down to nearly zero) jumped so high at the exact same time that the bunco emails started.

A couple years ago at different times I got an email in Hebrew and in Russian. I never open suspicious ones (like those) and both times I called my banks and credit card companies and they took a heads-up report and told me to change my passwords. Nothing came of it but it sure is spooky when "someone" takes an interest in you out of nowhere. Especially the Russkies...

[TurtlePower]

13 hours ago, iwantcookies said:

The only spam phone calls I get are in Chinese! Wonder what they say?

I knew I shoulda taken Mandarin Chinese in college. Our university offered the most comprehensive list of languages I've ever seen and Chinese was one of them (they even offered Ojibwe!). Wish I'd had the time, instead I was focused on Russian, Hebrew and Arabic.

Well maybe Russian will come in handy, who knows 😆

[Lovecat]

On 10/28/2020 at 3:31 PM, laurakaye said:

 

My free Tuesday yoga class opened back up three weeks ago.  It's held in a church meeting room which is large enough for lots of social distancing and we mask up the whole time.  Yesterday we were told to check our emails because if cases continue to go up, the class will not continue.  I am torn - I love going and don't even mind the mask if I'm going to get a good class out of it, but at the same time if it does continue despite cases rising, do I want to go?  

Have you tried a home practice?  There are lots of free videos on YouTube; I'm particularly fond of the Yoga With Adriene series.  I mean, if part of the reason you're going is to enjoy a bit of an outing and be among people, then obviously it's not the same, but any yoga is good yoga, if you're looking for some exercise and a way to keep the sads away!

15 hours ago, suomi said:

For the most part I have enjoyed a reprieve from robocallers during the past few months. It went from 3 or 4 every day to a couple a week to none for weeks at a time. 

A week ago today my phone started blowing up again, along with my email. I'm not sure which is the greater intrusion because both require many steps to clean up the uninvited clutter.

I'm a Pennsylvania voter.  Let's talk about phones blowing up, and the dozens of text messages and phone calls we've been getting per week.  Oh, and the campaign mail.  So. much. campaign mail.  I can't wait until this is all over.

15 hours ago, iwantcookies said:

The only spam phone calls I get are in Chinese! Wonder what they say?

We used to have a regular caller who would leave messages in Spanish.  She always sounded distressed, and we worried about her.  My Spanish is pretty good, but she always sounded like she was calling from the bottom of a hole, and I could never figure out what the problem was.  We never were able to speak to her "live," and now she doesn't call anymore.  I hope she's OK.  We called her Rosa.

4 hours ago, suomi said:

A couple years ago at different times I got an email in Hebrew and in Russian. I never open suspicious ones (like those) and both times I called my banks and credit card companies and they took a heads-up report and told me to change my passwords. Nothing came of it but it sure is spooky when "someone" takes an interest in you out of nowhere. Especially the Russkies...

I get emails in Hebrew and Russian every day.  A few years back when I was planning our wedding, I (very politely!) told a caterer that we had decided to go with another company, and 15 minutes later was FLOODED with spam email--I'm talking THOUSANDS per day.  I think that pissed off, vindictive caterer went right to a spam revenge site and submitted my email address.  Most of the emails were one-time things, asking me to confirm a subscription to a newsletter or something, so they stopped on their own, but there were hundreds where I needed to take action in order to unsubscribe.  The ones that are left are the ones I can't read well enough to find the "unsubscribe" link!  

[MargeGunderson]

@laurakaye, a container of Target peanut butter monster mix found its way into my cart yesterday. I blame you 😉. 

[Teafortwo]

21 hours ago, Olliesmom said:

Doesn’t work for me. I have it on both my cell and landline.  I get at least 6 robocalls a day on each phone.  I block the numbers, but they just call on another number. The worst offender is the “your car warranty is expiring.....this is your last courtesy call...”.  I get the call every single day.  😩

I do, too -- and my car is 30 years old LOL (Toyota, parked on street in NYC.)

[Kohola3]

Had to share this on Halloween Eve.  I feel like I'm going in for natural childbirth and need something to focus on so I am going to pin this up on my wall and stare at it for the next week.

[suomi]

Talking about Hallowe'en candy in Janelle's thread got me to thinking about these. My sister and I loved ours that we got from our Nana during the 1950s. I can't accurately say how long we kept them each year but it seemed like a long, long time. Today's prices are not unreasonable, considering the artistry.

http://www.sugareggs.com/page05.html

[iwantcookies]

10 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

@laurakaye, a container of Target peanut butter monster mix found its way into my cart yesterday. I blame you 😉. 

Is it tasty?

[MargeGunderson]

9 hours ago, iwantcookies said:

Is it tasty?

Unfortunately, yes. 

[HighlandWarriorGrl]

13 hours ago, suomi said:

Talking about Hallowe'en candy in Janelle's thread got me to thinking about these. My sister and I loved ours that we got from our Nana during the 1950s. I can't accurately say how long we kept them each year but it seemed like a long, long time. Today's prices are not unreasonable, considering the artistry.

http://www.sugareggs.com/page05.html

I grew up in Michigan in the 60s and got these beautiful eggs every year for Easter!  I don’t remember eating them because they were just hard sugar, but I thought the little scene inside made them magical when I was little!

[deirdra]

3 hours ago, HighlandWarriorGrl said:

I grew up in Michigan in the 60s and got these beautiful eggs every year for Easter!  I don’t remember eating them because they were just hard sugar, but I thought the little scene inside made them magical when I was little!

I remember those! We didn't eat them either. I loved the little scenes inside and I loved making dioramas in shoeboxes back then too.

[Kohola3]

55 minutes ago, deirdra said:

I loved the little scenes inside and I loved making dioramas in shoeboxes back then too.

I will tell you a familly story, My sister and I took a cake decorating class and learned to make them.  My dad took one to work and his secretary asked how much we would charge for one.  Not being all that old and certainly not very smart we said $1.  She ran around getting orders and we were stuck making HUNDREDS of those stupid eggs!  It was insane!  I never wanted to see royal icing rabbits again as long as I lived.  Every inch of the house was covered in trays of those things.  

A hard lesson learned.

[suomi]

2 hours ago, deirdra said:

I loved making dioramas in shoeboxes back then too.

Loved those! Another thing I haven't remembered in years. (The list is long, evidently). Thanks for the memory...

[Gramto6]

Not a huge fan of dioramas, but I do remember well those sugar eggs at Easter! We never ate them either, occasionally as time passed we might try some of the candy/icing inside... but by then not so good.... Nice memory though.

Edited October 31, 2020 by Gramto6

[laurakaye]

On 10/30/2020 at 12:48 PM, MargeGunderson said:

@laurakaye, a container of Target peanut butter monster mix found its way into my cart yesterday. I blame you 😉. 

It's those little crunchy peanut butter balls combined with the chocolate and the butterscotch chips and the peanuts....it's delish.  And I'm sorry, LOL. 😉

 

[Yeah No]

Here's a belated Halloween story (sorry it's so long - it gets more Halloweeny later, I promise). 

As many of you know, since my father died in April I've been going through his apartment, which has not changed much in close to 50 years.   After my Mom died almost 20 years ago he didn't do anything with it and the place fell into disrepair.  My husband and I couldn't convince him to move and there was only so much I could do living at a distance.  His cleaning woman did what she could, but it was just too much after a while so she only did the basics.  The place became cluttered and dusty.  There was not one space in that place that didn't have stuff hiding behind chairs or under tables.  I hated this situation but he insisted he was happy, so I had to let it go.  But this made the job of dealing with the place very difficult after he died. 

Over the years I spent quite some time going through the place, getting rid of junk and taking home family treasures and mementos.  I even took long weekends off from work for 10 weeks one summer back in 2008 to go down and sort through stuff.  He had become somewhat of a hoarder after my Mom died in 2001 but being over 80 years old by that time he couldn't deal with getting himself out of it.  And there was no one else to do it but me.  He hoarded stuff like tape decks, microphones, speakers, assorted audio equipment like receivers and radios.  Plus both he and my Mom had tons of books.  There was not one wall in that place that didn't have a bookcase on it. 

I pretty much sorted through the place off and on for 2 years until Dad had his bypass surgery.  After I got laid off in the recession in 2009 and 2010 I was able to devote more time to it.  But there was still so much stuff it seemed like an insurmountable, never-ending task.  Eventually I grew tired of it and my father started to act like one of those people on "Hoarders" that gets upset if you suggest getting rid of anything.  So I stopped doing it.  I didn't want to get him upset.  The problem is that there was still so much left to do and it was hanging over my head for a decade.  This is why it took us so long to go through the place this year.  My husband and I have been doing it pretty much once a week since August.

As we went through things after Dad died, the place had taken on a kind of haunted house feeling and appearance.  Going there was becoming increasingly difficult for me emotionally and every week when I got home I'd just cry and cry.  It was like having a scab ripped off every time.  The place had come to resemble King Tut's tomb in my mind.  70+ years of my parents' lives and 62 of mine in a little time capsule never touched and here I was going through it.  Things I had long forgotten were now in front of me and the memories flooded back.   It was like a museum and memorial to my parents' and my life.  It had a dream-like quality, you know, that recurring dream where you find yourself in your childhood home and you wake up unsettled and haunted for the rest of the day.  Well it was like that, only it was real.  And it was more like a nightmare than a dream.

So anyway, Halloween was our last day there before the contractor is coming to clear out the place to the four walls.  I have been very emotional about this, understandably.  There is not ONE thing in that place that doesn't have a story, a memory, and a significance behind it going back many decades.  I just had to make my heartbreaking peace with leaving most of it there and never seeing it again.  Some of the things I rescued were my mother's wedding gown, and my baby clothes which she had packed away in a closet, most of which she made by hand.  I found a huge box of ancient photos which had pictures of my great-great grandparents that I never saw before, or if I did it was so long ago that I didn't know who they were.  Plus I rediscovered an old inlaid wood box with legs that my great grandfather made by hand as a sample of his master craftsman work.  I put it aside and made a mental note to take it weeks ago but then forgot about it.

So there I was on Saturday going through the place for the very last time, picking up a few last things to take home.  My husband and I had also come down to meet the contractor and give him the keys and a deposit (outside of course).  We had already come down to the car with our final items, but I knew there were a few things I had left upstairs.  So my husband said he'd bring the car around while I went upstairs to get them.  I went up knowing that it would be the last time I'd ever see the place with everything still in it.  I picked up the shopping bag with the few last things I wanted, and figured I'd better take one last look around before I left in case I might have forgotten something.  While I was looking around in the living room I heard something fall behind me.  I had not touched anything and nothing was askew, so it really puzzled me how this book flew out from seemingly nowhere and landed on the floor.  I turned around to pick it up while standing in place and as I twisted back around with it in my hand my gaze was still looking down at the floor.  And that's when I saw it hiding in a dark place right there - the little box I had completely forgotten about weeks before.  I was shocked!  I couldn't get over it!   Here I was in the final moments of ever being in that place and if not for that book suddenly falling in such a weird way, I never would have seen the box.  If I had left that there I never would have gotten over it.  I know I would have realized it later when it was too late. 

Later on as I told my husband the story, I realized that I had never seen that book before and I couldn't figure out where it came from.  There was no bookcase right near where it landed and I never saw it on any nearby surface either.  I have been through that place so many times that I would remember it by now.  But I couldn't figure it out.  And I guess I never will, but I'll always wonder if "someone" from the great beyond made that book fall so I wouldn't leave the little box there.  And the fact that it happened on Halloween is not lost on me either!

[suomi]

What an amazing saga! You described everything so thoroughly and with great insight and compassion. It probably will take longer than you would like but I am convinced that you will find peace of mind, or something resembling it. Because that's how you roll. Thank you for sharing.

[Kohola3]

3 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I'll always wonder if "someone" from the great beyond made that book fall so I wouldn't leave the little box there. 

I have no religious faith but I do think that the departed are with us.  When my aunt died one cold snowy Thanksgiving, my cousin went out to find a fully bloomed rose on a bush near the door.  When my mom died, in April, I went out my side door and found a snapdragon fully grown and blooming in the space between two concrete pavers in my driveway,  There are signs all around us. 

[laurakaye]

I believe this to be true as well.  I was taking a walk on a very cold, snowy day last year and for some reason out of nowhere, sadness just bubbled up in me at the loss of my mom four years prior.  A few seconds later, a cardinal (her favorite bird) flew into the tree right in front of me - a bright pop of red on a snow-covered branch.  It stayed there until I walked past and then flew away.  So to reiterate - I BELIEVE. 💗

[Kohola3]

5 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

A few seconds later, a cardinal (her favorite bird) flew into the tree right in front of me - a bright pop of red on a snow-covered branch.

I have often read that cardinals are the sign of a visit from heaven.

[Teafortwo]

@Yeah No Wow, what a great story, perfect for Halloween.  So amazing how you were "directed" to find/remember the handmade box of your great-grandfather. What was the title of the book that fell?

[deirdra]

8 hours ago, laurakaye said:

I believe this to be true as well.  I was taking a walk on a very cold, snowy day last year and for some reason out of nowhere, sadness just bubbled up in me at the loss of my mom four years prior.  A few seconds later, a cardinal (her favorite bird) flew into the tree right in front of me - a bright pop of red on a snow-covered branch.  It stayed there until I walked past and then flew away.  So to reiterate - I BELIEVE. 💗

My mom died 4 yrs ago and cardinals were also her favourite bird. They are rare where I live now, but when I see one, it is usually right after something peculiar has happened, the kind of thing my mother & I would laugh about - definitely a sign!

Yeah No, did you keep the flying book or take note of the title in case it all makes sense in the future?

I cleaned out my grandmother's house (after 44 yrs) and my parents' house (after 53 yrs). They weren't 'hoarders', everything was organized, but there was a lot of stuff.  I was mostly interested in photos and papers that would help with my genealogy work.  My father & uncle were both into woodworking and marquetry, so I saved all those pieces too.  And we saved all of my great-grandmother's paintings (in oil, landscapes from where she grew up in the late 1800s) they'd had on their walls for decades.  I did not keep the (real) human skeleton in an oblong box that my grandfather got in med school in ~1917. Luckily I was not interested in keeping the houses, with lots of deferred maintenance and in need of updating; it was a relief when they sold and we no longer had to worry about them.  It is the photos, hand-made things & memories of us in these homes that mean the most to me.

Edited November 3, 2020 by deirdra

[MonicaM]

I've had many signs from departed loved ones.  A couple of years ago, I decided to write up of all of them that I could remember.  It took much longer than I expected, and was several pages long.  Since I originally started the project, I've been able to add a couple of more instances.  I'm hoping that some day when I've left this life, one or more of my remaining loved ones will find it at a time when they need comfort, and it will help them realize we never really leave the people who are important to us.  

Cleaning out a parent's house is definitely an emotional experience.  My parents had become pretty hard core hoarders, and we shed many tears over the mess they lived with in their final years.  They refused all offers to help, so we would often sneak garbage bags full of stuff to our cars for disposal, but that didn't make a dent in the hoard.  

I'm relatively young (63) but since they passed, I've been almost compulsive about not accumulating more stuff that I don't need and probably won't use.  I just hope that what seems to be age related hoarding doesn't become a problem as I get older.  I don't want my sons dealing with a basement or garage full of items that aren't fit for donation, but are too numerous to put out on a regular garbage night.

[suomi]

April 2018

The name “Swedish Death Cleaning” gets a lot of attention for good reason but once you learn about it, it’s a pretty sensible, practical way to deal with your possessions as you approach your later years. It’s based on a book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family From a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson.

Magnusson embarked on the book after dealing with the deaths of her parents and husband and tried to figure out what to do with their possessions.

Magnusson, a Swede, writes about the Swedish idea of döstädning, which translates to death cleaning. Dö means death in Swedish and städning means cleaning. The thrust of the book is to slowly begin decluttering so your death isn’t such a burden for those you leave behind. It's similar to other trendy thoughts on home organization and approaches to life, like hygge, which caught on last year.

 https://www.familyhandyman.com/list/10-things-to-know-about-swedish-death-cleaning/

[Scarlett45]

4 hours ago, MonicaM said:

I'm relatively young (63) but since they passed, I've been almost compulsive about not accumulating more stuff that I don't need and probably won't use.  I just hope that what seems to be age related hoarding doesn't become a problem as I get older.  I don't want my sons dealing with a basement or garage full of items that aren't fit for donation, but are too numerous to put out on a regular garbage night.

I understand this fear. You’re a great Mom. 
 

I joke if my Mom were less diligent and self aware she would legit be a hoarder (a hygienic one but a hoarder), I’m always after her to declutter. Her bedroom is a total disorganized mess, and I told her that I would accept her keeping her personal bedroom that way (as that was her space) but she was NOT allowed to let that clutter bleed into the rest of the building (she and my sister live in my downstairs unit). During this pandemic she has been doing a great job of keeping her room clean and hasn’t been shopping as much. 
 

The thing is she buys, (for the emotional thrill I think) and then doesn’t stay organized and then says “I don’t have xyz” and buys another one🤨. Her money- but I don’t get it. 
 

Usually about once a year she lets me get in there and declutter her crap- so I can’t complain. 

[iwantcookies]

My mom found $ frequently. Since she died I find $. I see that as a sign from her. 

She also liked  to brush my hair back and kiss my forehead when I was asleep. Quiet a few times I felt like she did that since she died. 
 

Basically I feel like she is around me. I rather she still be alive. She would have been 66. 

[Roslyn]

My Grandmother was a life long bird lover and instilled a love of bird watching and feeding the birds in me. I have always had up close and personal experiences with birds my whole life.  Song birds, owls, hawks etc.

I had two unusual experiences with a Raven several months apart.  The first one was in the winter and the next in the Spring.  I was on my back patio where I like to sit outside.  We have a table and chairs.  I was reading when I heard wings very close.  I looked up to a Raven sitting on the back of the chair across from me.  Sitting there staring at me. I froze and we just watched each other.  It squawked at me and turned around.  Then turned back.  I really don't know how long it was, I was lost in the moment. But it was very emotional at the time.  It squawked again and then flew up in the tree above me then flew away. 

While unusual I didn't read into it too much.  I have had many bird experiences, but this one did stand out.  It just felt very purposeful and the emotion I felt at the time was unusual.

Weeks later my husband was cleaning off an old laptop so he could wipe the hard drive.  I'm not sure how...but he signed into an old forgotten email that was used when he used that computer (and hadn't been used in years). It is a story in itself, but my mother used email back then as her way of communicating instead of just calling us.  We had given her updated emails and she used our updated email address.  There was NO reason for her to be using an email that was outdated by literally years.  Yet there it was on this unused email a new email from her.  She chose this mode of communication to email us to tell us that my Grandmother had died.  No call.  Nothing, just one sentence that she passed.  My husband told me and it hit me quite hard.  To this day I really don't exactly know when my Grandmother passed.  I have never brought up the subject with my mother to find out exactly when it happened because I am just too angry about how she went about everything.

Anyway...I really didn't piece it together until the second visit happened.  I was in my garden and sitting on the edge of a bed which is under my maple tree.  A solitary Raven landed above me and like the first time it squawked.  I looked up and remembered the first time and everything really just clicked.  Ravens are in my area, but rare out here in the country.  Crows are the norm around here and I have a large group that I usually see everyday.  Again this Raven sat and stared at me and then flew to the ground not far from me.  Squawked and just wandered around for a little while.  It was then I knew this was a message from my Grandmother.  The first time probably happened near the time that she passed, but I didn't put it together.  I had been in so much pain and had a boiling rage inside of me and after I realized it was from Grandma all of that disappeared.  I heard my Grandmother's voice in my head when she told me years ago (speaking about my mother)..."She is who she is.  You can't change her."

It has taken me years to find a peaceful indifference with my mother, but that message from Grandma did help me on my way. 

[Lovecat]

One day during the week after my mother died, I got off the phone with the lady who was going to officiate mom's memorial service and burst into tears for about the millionth time.  I was still sitting at my desk, sniffling and trying to catch my breath, when I heard a single, solitary "BING!" from a music box on my bookshelf.  Mom and I had used it at my niece's bedtime every time she came to visit; it had never made a peep without having been wound before, and it hasn't since.  I like to think it was her way of letting me know that she was OK, she was there with me, and I was doing OK, even though I felt like my world was falling apart.  It was truly comforting.

[TurtlePower]

4 minutes ago, Lovecat said:

One day during the week after my mother died, I got off the phone with the lady who was going to officiate mom's memorial service and burst into tears for about the millionth time.  I was still sitting at my desk, sniffling and trying to catch my breath, when I heard a single, solitary "BING!" from a music box on my bookshelf.  Mom and I had used it at my niece's bedtime every time she came to visit; it had never made a peep without having been wound before, and it hasn't since.  I like to think it was her way of letting me know that she was OK, she was there with me, and I was doing OK, even though I felt like my world was falling apart.  It was truly comforting.

I wish I could get something like that from my dad. He died in June 2019 and was in bad shape the last few years of his life. He was always grumpy, complaining about things and got mad quite easily (was like this his entire life). Sometimes it felt like he enjoyed making me feel bad. I wish I could get something, some sign, that he was ok with me and that he had some mental issues that made him the way he was. I only wanted to be loved, but sometimes it didn't feel like it. I've let go of all the bad stuff and just want to know everything's ok. 

 

[Scarlett45]

6 minutes ago, TurtlePower said:

I wish I could get something like that from my dad. He died in June 2019 and was in bad shape the last few years of his life. He was always grumpy, complaining about things and got mad quite easily (was like this his entire life). Sometimes it felt like he enjoyed making me feel bad. I wish I could get something, some sign, that he was ok with me and that he had some mental issues that made him the way he was. I only wanted to be loved, but sometimes it didn't feel like it. I've let go of all the bad stuff and just want to know everything's ok. 

 

I am sorry you are left with those feelings. I am sure it wasn't you- as people age often their serotonin isnt the best and they become incredibly grumpy and depressed. My grandfather lived to be 89, and although my Mom knew that she was still his "pumpkin" he gave her hell (was much nicer to me and his caregiver), it was hard on her as she idolized him, a Daddy's girl though and through. But parents are people too, and with age can come a lot of pain......

[Yeah No]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their responses - I have been too busy and under stress to respond.  I got photos of the apartment in a mostly-cleared-out condition yesterday from my contractor.  That's been very hard on me, plus current national events aren't helping.  I love hearing everyone's stories about their own departed, and have experienced many similar occurrences myself over the years, mostly from my Mom.  She and I were very close and she was a very big personality, so it's not surprising.  I've already shared the "Morning Report" story from when my father died.

I don't remember the name of the book that fell, but ironically it was a large hardcover picture book on home renovation and design.  That fact was not lost on me when I thought about it later.  My great grandfather and grandfather on that side were both contractors in the building trades.  My mother and I always had an appreciation for home design, but I had never seen this book and it was so big I don't know how that would have been possible given where it fell.  I didn't have enough hands to take it with me along with the other stuff I was carrying, like the little table/box.

I am attaching photos of the marquetry box FYI.  It needs polishing and some TLC.  I'll post again when I have the time.

 

 

[Yeah No]

19 hours ago, Lovecat said:

One day during the week after my mother died, I got off the phone with the lady who was going to officiate mom's memorial service and burst into tears for about the millionth time.  I was still sitting at my desk, sniffling and trying to catch my breath, when I heard a single, solitary "BING!" from a music box on my bookshelf.  Mom and I had used it at my niece's bedtime every time she came to visit; it had never made a peep without having been wound before, and it hasn't since.  I like to think it was her way of letting me know that she was OK, she was there with me, and I was doing OK, even though I felt like my world was falling apart.  It was truly comforting.

That's eerily similar to an experience I had a few years ago.  I was going through my mother's things in the second bedroom of my father's apartment.  Suddenly out of nowhere, the clock radio on her nightstand in the master bedroom started playing classical music on her favorite station.  That radio had not been played in years since she died, and no one was in that room at the time that could have turned it on.  My father was in the living room at the time and came running over when he heard it.  We were completely shocked and could not think of any explanation for this.  My father insisted that the radio never turned on all by itself before.  My Mom often let that radio play in the bedroom when she was alive.  It was always a comforting sound that made me think loving thoughts about my mom.  We were convinced that it was my mother's way of letting us know she was still there and wanted us to feel loved.

Edited November 5, 2020 by Yeah No

[deirdra]

22 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

I don't remember the name of the book that fell, but ironically it was a large hardcover picture book on home renovation and design.  That fact was not lost on me when I thought about it later.  

I am attaching photos of the marquetry box FYI.  It needs polishing and some TLC.  I'll post again when I have the time.

The flying book must be a sign that you are on the right track with the home improvements.  The marquetry box is gorgeous and it is wonderful that the book reminded you to take it.

[suomi]

20 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

I wish I could get something like that from my dad ... Sometimes it felt like he enjoyed making me feel bad. I wish I could get something, some sign, that he was ok with me and that he had some mental issues that made him the way he was. I only wanted to be loved, but sometimes it didn't feel like it. I've let go of all the bad stuff and just want to know everything's ok. 

I send you sincere sympathy.

Sometimes difficult early experiences (or very hurtful experiences at any age) cause a person to attack as a means of protecting their own vulnerability. Similar to "whistling past a graveyard."

If that's the case with your dad then in a roundabout (and hurtful) way the times when he was unkind were times when his love for you or his desire to reach out to you overwhelmed him.

I realized that about my dad but there was no way of talking about it so I had to just roll with the emotional punches. Sometimes, not always but sometimes, I was able to remind myself that his burden was perhaps even greater than mine. Small consolation...

Maybe the next time around I will be the parent and he will be the child and I will either protect him from initial harm or teach him a better way of coping. Or maybe the last time around I missed learning something and I need to learn it this time. There are many possibilities but the end result is what matters.

Maybe it's like that with you and your dad. I think every significant person in our lives is there for a reason. If that makes sense.

[laurakaye]

Is anyone else just plain WEARY?  Not tired, or sleepy really - like weary into your bones.  This entire week I feel like I have been moving through molasses to accomplish anything.  The state of our country is like looking over the edge of a cliff.  I've got family members not speaking to one another.  Our numbers are surging.  I had a co-worker test positive and I had to hear it through the grapevine, which frustrates me to my core.

I am just so TIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRED, y'all.

[crazycatlady58]

29 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

Is anyone else just plain WEARY?  Not tired, or sleepy really - like weary into your bones.  This entire week I feel like I have been moving through molasses to accomplish anything.  The state of our country is like looking over the edge of a cliff.  I've got family members not speaking to one another.  Our numbers are surging.  I had a co-worker test positive and I had to hear it through the grapevine, which frustrates me to my core.

I am just so TIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRED, y'all.

Yes I am with you about being tired. I feel like I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop since March.

[laurakaye]

3 minutes ago, crazycatlady58 said:

Yes I am with you about being tired. I feel like I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop since March.

Yeah, and it's dropping right now like an anvil falling on top of Wile E. Coyote - over and over and over.

And if you don't get the reference I'd run if I were you, my hose is itching for a fight right about now. 😉

Edited November 6, 2020 by laurakaye

[TurtlePower]

31 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

Is anyone else just plain WEARY?  Not tired, or sleepy really - like weary into your bones.  This entire week I feel like I have been moving through molasses to accomplish anything.  The state of our country is like looking over the edge of a cliff.  I've got family members not speaking to one another.  Our numbers are surging.  I had a co-worker test positive and I had to hear it through the grapevine, which frustrates me to my core.

I am just so TIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRED, y'all.

Yeah, sort of. Covid is sweeping through workplaces where they don't wear masks in the building amongst themselves (don't they know that's the easiest way to get it?!?). We wear masks at work, all the time. That doesn't bother me one bit, but feeling fear all day every day does. I can't wait for a vaccine. 

I stopped caring what's going on regarding everything else and just concentrate on my own day-to-day. I get up, do cardio, go to work, make sure my close family is doing okay. I am very weary about caring, so I'm sticking to those closest to me. I'm not saying the rest of the world can burn, but it's just too much to really care about it right now. 

[Kohola3]

This week has been a year long. And it is only Friday. 

[LilWharveyGal]

2 hours ago, laurakaye said:

Is anyone else just plain WEARY?

Yep! But for me it's probably 80% due to the season/time change. Somehow I could deal with all the crap going on in the world before, but now that it's cold and dark every non-work hour it's a real challenge.

[Twopper]

5 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

Yeah, sort of. Covid is sweeping through workplaces where they don't wear masks in the building amongst themselves (don't they know that's the easiest way to get it?!?). We wear masks at work, all the time. That doesn't bother me one bit, but feeling fear all day every day does. I can't wait for a vaccine. 

I stopped caring what's going on regarding everything else and just concentrate on my own day-to-day. I get up, do cardio, go to work, make sure my close family is doing okay. I am very weary about caring, so I'm sticking to those closest to me. I'm not saying the rest of the world can burn, but it's just too much to really care about it right now. 

I am unusually apathetic.  I have spent the last 2 months getting an out -of -town relative thru Covid and 2 hurricanes.  I am tired of it all. The relative had the long COVID and missed 7 weeks of work.   She wore a mask all the time.  Since most of the cases I hear about now are people who wore masks everywhere,  I am beginning to wonder if, after 6 months of this, people are getting lax about keeping the masks clean. 

Does anyone have an update on Prairie Dog flats?

[suomi]

12 hours ago, LilWharveyGal said:

Yep! But for me it's probably 80% due to the season/time change. Somehow I could deal with all the crap going on in the world before, but now that it's cold and dark every non-work hour it's a real challenge.

I have never understood why the period with 2-3 more hours of daylight, depending on geography, is labeled as daylight saving time. Why do we save something while we have more of it rather than while we have less of it?

[Yeah No]

17 hours ago, laurakaye said:

Is anyone else just plain WEARY?  Not tired, or sleepy really - like weary into your bones.  This entire week I feel like I have been moving through molasses to accomplish anything.  The state of our country is like looking over the edge of a cliff.  I've got family members not speaking to one another.  Our numbers are surging.  I had a co-worker test positive and I had to hear it through the grapevine, which frustrates me to my core.

I am just so TIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRED, y'all.

I'm weary of it all too.  I'm finding it hard to ignore all the 800 pound gorillas in the room.  over 100,000 cases a day, an election that never ends, and my own depressing issues seem like they're never going to be resolved.  Time is zooming by and nothing is getting resolved, and it really needs to happen before we all go over the cliff.  I can honestly say that I've never felt more like my own very survival depends on these things working out in what I think is a positive way, but it's awfully hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel right now.

I hear you about the family members not speaking.  I'm at odds with my husband on certain issues.  He has mostly woken up in my opinion but is finding it hard to come to terms with the reality.  We have sometimes disagreed on certain subjects without it affecting our relationship, but it's never bothered me more than right now and I find that I have to bite my tongue because I don't want to start a fight with him about it.  It amazes me that he can basically agree with me on a lot of it and yet still not be able to change in some ways.  It is almost impossible to lose a close family member to the pandemic without seeing a direct cause and effect relationship between the way it has been handled and all those deaths, which keep going up.  He agrees with me on that but still holds onto certain opinions that I feel are in direct conflict with that.  I won't go into it more than that.

I also hate to say that I feel like all those people that hate or refuse to wear masks and social distance are taking a huge dump on my father's grave (not that he even has a grave yet thanks to them).   For me this thing got personal when my father died.

And now I am not feeling comfortable about calling two of my closest friends either, because I know they will disagree with me on what's happening.  I have been able to avoid talking about that stuff with them for the most part, but it just won't be possible right now given what's going on.

[Yeah No]

15 hours ago, LilWharveyGal said:

Yep! But for me it's probably 80% due to the season/time change. Somehow I could deal with all the crap going on in the world before, but now that it's cold and dark every non-work hour it's a real challenge.

We had a dark, cold, dreary week here in CT a week or so ago.  We even had snow that stuck for a couple of days, too, and I felt myself getting even more depressed because of it.  Then suddenly it got warm and beautiful out again, and because I don't work I've been going out every day to enjoy it, even stopping at the park/little league field to sit on the picnic benches.  It has actually helped a lot.  I only wish I could do this indefinitely but I know the cold weather is coming.

I have attempted to adjust my wake/sleep cycle to wake up earlier so I can be present for as much daylight as possible, but I know that as the month progresses we will have less and less daylight and more cold weather.  I am determined to sit and walk out in the park for as long as I can, even if I have to wear a down parka in order to achieve it!  It's a silver lining to being unemployed that I can do that.  I remember when I worked how every year I dreaded this time of year because it was dark when I got out of work and there was no way for me to get enough sunlight.  I had a light box at my desk and took vitamin D3 but it was still never enough.

[Yeah No]

11 hours ago, Twopper said:

I am unusually apathetic.  I have spent the last 2 months getting an out -of -town relative thru Covid and 2 hurricanes.  I am tired of it all. The relative had the long COVID and missed 7 weeks of work.   She wore a mask all the time.  Since most of the cases I hear about now are people who wore masks everywhere,  I am beginning to wonder if, after 6 months of this, people are getting lax about keeping the masks clean. 

One of the problems is that I think people forget that masks are only one line of defense against getting sick, and so they might think a mask is the only thing they have to worry about when they also need to constantly wash their hands, sanitize, and avoid getting too close to anyone for too long, especially in enclosed spaces without much ventilation.  The point is that a mask is only super effective if you do all those other things without fail.  The longer people spend near other people, especially in enclosed places without ventilation, the higher their odds are of getting the virus even with the mask on.  And people are notoriously bad about wearing their masks right, or finding masks that fit them properly.  I have even winced as some prominent public figures have worn masks that fall off their noses all the time and then they put their hands on them to adjust them - a BAD idea if you listen to the experts.  Don't touch your face unless you've thoroughly sanitized! 

Also, your safety also depends on the quality of mask that you and the people you get close to are wearing.  When I see people wearing those flimsy "Hanes" masks that are made out of nothing but T-shirt material, I run the other way.  I run even faster if they're laughing or talking loudly, spewing more particles into the air.  Same with those "bandana" style masks that have been proven to let out MORE particles than wearing nothing at all because it acts as a projectile device to spew them everywhere.  

[TurtlePower]

6 hours ago, Yeah No said:

One of the problems is that I think people forget that masks are only one line of defense against getting sick, and so they might think a mask is the only thing they have to worry about when they also need to constantly wash their hands, sanitize, and avoid getting too close to anyone for too long, especially in enclosed spaces without much ventilation.  The point is that a mask is only super effective if you do all those other things without fail.  The longer people spend near other people, especially in enclosed places without ventilation, the higher their odds are of getting the virus even with the mask on.  And people are notoriously bad about wearing their masks right, or finding masks that fit them properly.  I have even winced as some prominent public figures have worn masks that fall off their noses all the time and then they put their hands on them to adjust them - a BAD idea if you listen to the experts.  Don't touch your face unless you've thoroughly sanitized! 

Also, your safety also depends on the quality of mask that you and the people you get close to are wearing.  When I see people wearing those flimsy "Hanes" masks that are made out of nothing but T-shirt material, I run the other way.  I run even faster if they're laughing or talking loudly, spewing more particles into the air.  Same with those "bandana" style masks that have been proven to let out MORE particles than wearing nothing at all because it acts as a projectile device to spew them everywhere.  

THIS. It drives me nuts when people forget their nose is an entrance and exit to their respiratory system and have their masks hanging under them. I wear mine 8 hours a day over my nose at my main job--and I have panic disorder and autism--so if I can do it, most other adults can, too. 

[ginger90]

Like with any PPE, washing hands before putting on, and after removal is the way to do it. Besides wearing masks incorrectly, I’ve seen people remove gloves and dispose of them incorrectly. With masks I’ve seen them put on, and removed incorrectly.

Today in a checkout line, a cashier pulled her mask down when she couldn’t understand what a little girl was saying to her. It reminded me of myself turning the radio down in the car when I’m looking for an address.