Small Talk: The Polygamous Cul-de-Sac

[Meowwww]

6 hours ago, Kyanight said:

Dayum.  I AM mean.   And I don't feel very repentant.  I make fun of Robyn's square chin all of the time.  She is the epitome of the new wife that I freaking can't stand.  But I guess she can't help it.  I will give this some thought.    She COULD help a lot of the other crap she brings.

Ooooh.  We need more of your real life stories of horrible new wives! 

[Kohola3]

53 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

I make fun of Robyn's oversize jaw....

I put something like that in the same category as those caricature drawings that street artists do where they play up the most obvious features.   No harm, no foul.

[Kyanight]

2 hours ago, Meowwww said:

Ooooh.  We need more of your real life stories of horrible new wives! 

I have plenty.  Well ONE wife, the other was sweet.  But I get really angry when I think/talk about it and I stew about it and stay awake for hours because I can't fall asleep!  lol

That doesn't mean I WON'T talk about it - you can ask anything you want to know.   Just cut me some slack if I rant and rave and cry.  😄

Edited April 28, 2020 by Kyanight

[Yeah No]

13 hours ago, suomi said:

The Pentagon on Monday formally released three unclassified videos taken by Navy pilots that have circulated for years showing interactions with "unidentified aerial phenomena."

Oh yes, I've been following this for years.  I've seen a lot of TV documentaries on it.  It's pretty compelling and I believe them.

12 hours ago, Kyanight said:

Dayum.  I AM mean.   And I don't feel very repentant.  I make fun of Robyn's square chin all of the time.  She is the epitome of the new wife that I freaking can't stand.  But I guess she can't help it.  I will give this some thought.    She COULD help a lot of the other crap she brings.

The way I look at it, if someone's personality is that bad they leave themselves open to having others make fun of the physical attributes they can't help.  I see it all the time on the "Married at First Sight" board.  This season Katie was such a horrible person that nobody got down on anyone for calling her the "scarecrow" from the Wizard of Oz - She bore a facial resemblance to Ray Bolger who played that character in the movie, LOL.  I also see it on the "My Big Fat Fabulous Life" board too.  Whitney Thore is so loathesome that no one gets down on anyone for criticizing her weight or anything about her physical appearance.  So here on the board it's open season on anyone's physical appearance if they're just that horrible as a person.

12 hours ago, suomi said:

During the early '80s I watched UFOs night after night when I lived in the mountains in SoCal at just under 7000'. They were triangular with three lights and they were FAST when they wanted to be. They flew straight across the sky or they stood absolutely still or they darted like fireflies and when they left they zoomed outta sight. 

Wow, I saw a UFO only once about 30 years ago.  The best I could describe it is that it looked  a little like shimmering chain mail in the sky.  I was driving with a friend at the time and we both pulled over to look at it.  We couldn't wrap our minds around what we were looking at.  We sat there so long that we were almost late getting back to work from lunch.  I doubt it was some kind of reflection or something easily explainable.  It just hung there in the sky.  There weren't even clouds around it.  I still think about it to this day.

 

[Yeah No]

I had a good day on Monday.  I got a lot accomplished - sent out my dad's death certificates to his cable and auto loan company to close those accounts and return his car.  Fortunately I had already taken his car up here in February so it wasn't still down in NYC.

Mr. Very Rich Client #3 called my husband today and they had a nice chat.  He offered to replenish an advance in lieu of services to the tune of a few thousand dollars, which is nice.  He is a real mensch, this guy.  I'm feeling more relieved now.  It's nowhere near enough but it's at least a step in the right direction.

The number of hospitalizations in CT seems to be going down, which is a good sign.  The latest projections show a sharp drop in cases in May.  I am trying to be hopeful that this is going to happen.

The doorman in my dad's building called me.  I hadn't spoken to him since I was last down there in February.  He wanted to extend his condolences and offer any help he could.  I took him up on sending me the mail that's been accumulating in my dad's mailbox.  He also told me he would keep his ear to the ground about anyone that might possibly be interested in the apartment - that would be GREAT if someone in the building wanted to buy it.  He just loved my dad (well, everyone did) and told me he will miss him greatly.  My father always gave him a nice tip every holiday season, a practice which sadly is becoming rarer in this day and age.  My call with him left me feeling very uplifted.  I had been meaning to call him but somehow hadn't gotten around to it.

Another one of my husband's clients called him and booked a job with him for the end of June.  The significant thing is that I didn't freak out, LOL.  He's an older man that lives in an area of the state that doesn't have a lot of cases.  I trust that he's been careful and by that time things should be a little better.  So that felt like a very positive thing.

I just hope things keep going in this direction.  Like @Kyanight I feel like I should shut up for a while because I'm probably getting tiresome by now, but I don't think she needs to feel that way so I'm trying not to be so critical of myself either.  You all have been really kind in putting up with me.  I can't even afford to see my therapist right now so I guess I'm coping the best I can.

Edited April 28, 2020 by Yeah No

[Kohola3]

4 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I had a good day on Monday. 

So nice to hear!  I know that we are all taking things one day at a time and with so much negative news 24/7 I personally love good stories once in a while.  That's not saying all is golden but, hey, let's celebrate the moment.

I, for one, am glad that we all have a safe place to unload once in a while and no one is interested in having a competition on who has it the worst.  So no worries about your posts!

[Kyanight]

Yeah No - I NEVER EVER EVER get tired of hearing from you.  In fact, I worry when we DON'T have an update from you.  I must say, as kind as Very Rich Client WAS - I don't feel he was all that kind, given the circumstances.  KindER would have been to say, "Here is $5000 to help you out right now", especially since he has oodles of moola.  The wealthiest people are the stingiest.

Twice now in the past 25 years I have paid - all by myself - to put up two wooden fences around my yard.  Technically the neighbors are supposed to go in with you on the fence, but I did it myself because I knew that the people on both sides of me lived pay check to pay check.  So did I - but I just took out loans and did it myself.  Fast forward to last year.  The fence on the west side just collapsed in about a 3-4 foot section.  My next door neighbors are renters, and the owner of the house owns multiple properties all over the place.  The person who handles the property (can't think of her job title at the moment) tried to play dumb with me and said it was MY responsibility to have it fixed because of the direction the wood went on the fence, it was clearly my fence and my responsibility.   You cannot tell me that a property manager (is that the title?) who does nothing but manage properties all over the state doesn't know fencing laws.  She was trying to force me to pay the entire repair.  I balked, I barely make ends meet and I've bared the brunt of two full fences through the years.  The owners have so many properties that they have their OWN CREW to do repairs whenever it is needed... so they had their own crew fix the fence, SAID they were only charging me half and then quoted me hundreds of dollars. (Almost a grand!)  All they did was prop the fence back up with I THINK a new support board.  It took them no time at all to fix it.   It is absolutely mind boggling to me that people with numerous houses... are that tight when it comes to a fence next to an old lady's house who only has ONE house - and she LIVES in it!  I've sometimes wondered if rich people are so rich because they squeeze the money so tight in their kningerfuckles.  Some of the poorest people are so giving.  My son said it's because the poorer people know what it's like to go without and NEED, whereas the rich don't.  Who knows.

But Mr. Very Rich Client COULD have been KIND and said, "You don't need to pay it back".  Guess what - that's what I would have done, even if I WEREN'T "VERY" rich but just well-off.

I hope the doorman hears of someone who wants the apartment.  I've been praying about it.  

And as for you, Kohola,  I don't think I've ever said how much I appreciate you!  We've talked outside of the boards so I've always considered you a special Primetimer Sister Wives friend, lol.   I love how you are so confident to just be yourself.  You are never mean to anyone here but you feel free to say what you think and if others don't like it they CAN ignore your posts!  I am going to be like you when I grow up.  I like how I post (except if I hurt someone's feelings or make them feel bad like I did Sharker), so I am not going to stop commenting how I wish to, regarding Robochin - who irritates me no end.

 

[Kohola3]

Aw, shucks.  I think of us as an extended family.  Except One Who Shall Remain Nameless but has thankfully left the forum...

[laurakaye]

18 hours ago, sharkerbaby said:

@laurakaye I saw elsewhere that you have Hulu, have you by any chance watched Castle Rock?

No, I've never seen it.  Would this be the same Castle Rock that features in Stephen King books?

[xwordfanatik]

28 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

Aw, shucks.  I think of us as an extended family.  Except One Who Shall Remain Nameless but has thankfully left the forum...

I'm tempted to ask you who it was, but I won't.  I love it here, and it's interesting to hear what you all have to say.  When I used to read the local paper (before Corona) the editorial page is the one I enjoyed reading the most.

I watched an old SW episode the other day.  It was the one where Aspyn, Logan, and Maddie went to visit some of the ex-FLDS young people.  One (I think her name was Kolleen) was a Kingston escapee.  There were two ladies from an organization called Holding Out Hope.  The one named Kerri looked like a blonde version of the Darger twins.

Anyway, keep posting, everyone.  ❤️

[Kohola3]

6 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

One (I think her name was Kolleen) was a Kingston escapee.

She went on to be part of Escaping Polygamy.  While not truly a reality show (no reality show is, I guess) it gives a chilling insight into the brainwashing and disgusting practices of the Kingston group.  And the horrors of the women and young girls living that lifestyle with impunity for the men.

[Absolom]

11 hours ago, Yeah No said:

The way I look at it, if someone's personality is that bad they leave themselves open to having others make fun of the physical attributes they can't help. 

I know people do this.  I don't agree that it's justified though.  There is an old saying that as soon as one begins calling names, one has lost the argument.  For me, and I realize others happily disagree, when we go with the name calling on physical attributes that we've lost some of our own personal dignity. 

[Kohola3]

1 hour ago, Absolom said:

or me, and I realize others happily disagree, when we go with the name calling on physical attributes that we've lost some of our own personal dignity. 

No worries, my personal dignity is alive and well. haven't lost a thing.

18 hours ago, Kyanight said:

 Just cut me some slack if I rant and rave and cry.

Bring it on, we can take it.  So have you ever shared how many sister wives you had?

[sharkerbaby]

6 hours ago, laurakaye said:

No, I've never seen it.  Would this be the same Castle Rock that features in Stephen King books?

Yes, indeed it is.  In fact the whole series is based on characters, settings, and themes from his books.  He consults and is a producer (I think in name only) for the show.  It's been really good and if you are a SK fan, I recommend it.  I personally liked season 2 better than season 1 but overall it's good.  They have brought back some of the actors from the original movies as well.  For example, Sissy Spacek (Carrie) plays prominently in season 1.

[Kyanight]

.

Edited April 29, 2020 by Kyanight

[Kohola3]

30 minutes ago, Kyanight said:

I guess that sounds really mean.  

Doesn't sound mean in the least.  It was a slap in the face to their mother.

[deirdra]

When a sister wife leaves, is there a procedure that breaks the celestial marriage bond so she doesn't have to spend eternity in heaven (hell?) with the family?  If she remarries and children come with her, are they still condemned to spend eternity with their sperm donor or can they be bound to their stepfather (or no one if they so choose) instead? 

[suomi]

deirdra, yes, there is a procedure, a ritual. It's called sealing and unsealing. You can be sealed for time (on earth) or for time and eternity (on earth and in the hereafter).

It's common for widows and widowers who marry again to leave their original sealing for time and eternity as is and to be sealed to a second (or third) spouse for time. 

It's the same for those who are divorced but there's a much higher rate of totally unsealing the divorced union. 

Familes are sealed the same way couples are sealed so with death and divorce the kids can go either way, it depends on what the parents decide to do.

I have a friend who is 50, an only child, mainstream LDS in good standing (temple worthy) who never married. (I suspect she is gay). She was sealed to her parents when she was a kid. Depending on which sect you belong to, someone like her will be either a servant or a plural wife in the hereafter.

A never-married male in good standing is eligible to receive a planet and plural wives in the hereafter. I've never heard that males go the servant route. Go figure. 

Edited April 28, 2020 by suomi

[Kyanight]

.

Edited April 29, 2020 by Kyanight

[Meowwww]

I want to know about the jealousy.  
I am SO jealous.   I can’t imagine how ugly I would turn in a plural marriage. 
How hard is it really? 

[Kyanight]

.

Edited April 29, 2020 by Kyanight

[suomi]

Kya, honey, why you censor yourself? You know we love ya, right? (I hate missing out on the stuff that's good enough to delete).

[Kyanight]

36 minutes ago, suomi said:

Kya, honey, why you censor yourself? You know we love ya, right? (I hate missing out on the stuff that's good enough to delete).

Aw, it wasn't good stuff.  We were all supporting each other through this Coronageddon on this thread and then I was making it all about me.  Not that I'm not cute (look at that little black face!!!) but it felt wrong, lol. 

[deirdra]

Thanks, suomi.  I presume the husband has more rights when it comes to unsealing, especially if the divorce was not his idea.  Can he refuse the unsealing if he needs 3 wives to get to a higher level of heaven?

Edited April 29, 2020 by deirdra

[xwordfanatik]

@Kyanight, I missed what was on your blank posts.  I'm interested, and wish you hadn't deleted them.  Please consider reposting what you wanted to share.

 

[Kyanight]

36 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

@Kyanight, I missed what was on your blank posts.  I'm interested, and wish you hadn't deleted them.  Please consider reposting what you wanted to share.

 

Well Meow asked about the jealousy and I said that jealousy over your husband is only one part of it. Surprisingly the sex part doesn't bother you if another wife doesn't flaunt it in your face.  You welcome the nights you can just flop into bed and sleep.  (Remember I had a lot of little ones!) Oh - and it doesn't mean you have sex every time he actually sleeps with you.  Sometimes HE just wanted to sleep too - but he snored like a semi truck and jammed his big fat arm behind my neck so that my head was at an uncomfortable angle and it was so hard to sleep like that! lol

  You are jealous that he picks favorite kids who replaces your kids.  You are jealous of the stuff he buys another wife but not you.  You are jealous of the time he spends with another wife (not sexually) or you are jealous of the large amount of time he spends with another wife's kids instead of yours.  You are jealous of the places he takes other wife and or/kids but not you or yours and it isn't up for discussion, believe me.  You are resentful that the majority of the household chores end up your responsibility because you are the first wife, more experienced, know how he likes things, etc. blah blah blah.  You are resentful because of the mess left for you to clean up when it isn't YOUR mess, or your KID'S mess or even your husband's mess.  Wait - so why is it MY job? You are resentful because even if she DOES actually put laundry into the washer - she leaves it there for a week to sour, so that when YOU have to do laundry and open up the washer you gag... and have to rewash HER stuff and then dry her stuff and then take it out of the dryer so that you can put YOUR stuff in.  You are resentful that she goes to your husband with stories about you "wronging her" and he listens to her - but he doesn't want to hear anything about HER from YOU.  You are resentful that nothing is really yours because it might disappear from your closet or dresser and he wants YOU TWO to work it out - he doesn't want to hear it.  Or your child's toys become her child's toys... although it starts out to be "Can't so and so play with it for a little bit?  Can't your child share?" to it actually becoming that child's possession in time.  I could go on all day.

The kicker?  It ISN'T being jealous over your husband having sex with another woman under your roof or having kids with the other woman or buying her nice stuff and you are like an old shoe, or your kids being ignored because the other kids "need" him more.  No, the worst part is that you weren't enough.  You weren't loved in the way you loved him, and you feel like a maid and a cook and a babysitter for his other kids, and anything OTHER than being someone he loves.  

So... yeah. 

Edited April 29, 2020 by Kyanight

[Yeah No]

14 hours ago, Kyanight said:

Yeah No - I NEVER EVER EVER get tired of hearing from you.  In fact, I worry when we DON'T have an update from you.  I must say, as kind as Very Rich Client WAS - I don't feel he was all that kind, given the circumstances.  KindER would have been to say, "Here is $5000 to help you out right now", especially since he has oodles of moola.  The wealthiest people are the stingiest.

But Mr. Very Rich Client COULD have been KIND and said, "You don't need to pay it back".  Guess what - that's what I would have done, even if I WEREN'T "VERY" rich but just well-off.

I never get tired of hearing from you either - I'm sorry I missed those deleted posts.

Part of the problem is not that Mr. Very Rich Client doesn't want to do that, it's that he knows how much pride and ego Mr. Yeah No has and he doesn't want to "insult" him by offering a monetary gift instead of an advance on services.  I actually don't think it's because he's stingy.  Which is what drives me nuts about Mr. Yeah No.  His self-sufficiency at all costs would be admirable if we weren't on a sinking ship.  It's like turning down a lifeboat on the Titanic.

2 hours ago, Kyanight said:

Aw, it wasn't good stuff.  We were all supporting each other through this Coronageddon on this thread and then I was making it all about me.  Not that I'm not cute (look at that little black face!!!) but it felt wrong, lol. 

I hear you, I felt "wrong" after writing most of the posts I've made in this thread in the past couple of weeks, but you don't have to worry about that, at least not with me.  Sometimes you need it to be all about you, and that's OK.  We're all going through some stressful stuff right now, so it's understandable.

44 minutes ago, Kyanight said:

The kicker?  It ISN'T being jealous over your husband having sex with another woman under your roof or having kids with the other woman or buying her nice stuff and you are like an old shoe, or your kids being ignored because the other kids "need" him more.  No, the worst part is that you weren't enough.  You weren't loved in the way you loved him, and you feel like a maid and a cook and a babysitter for his other kids, and anything OTHER than being someone he loves.  

So... yeah. 

Man, my heart breaks for you reading this post. 😥  I am unable to think of anything helpful to say right now, so I'll just send you all the virtual hugs I can possibly send your way. That seems more like what you need after getting all that out anyway......((((((hugs)))))) 

[suomi]

My hell, Kya, that was miserable and sad and unfair. And it was your real life, not a book or a TV show. 😞

But you were strong and you rose above it and you made a better life for yourself and your kids. You are a champ!

Do you think, do you feel like you have PTSD?

 

[Kohola3]

9 hours ago, Kyanight said:

No, the worst part is that you weren't enough.

Reading all of that is really eye opening and so sad, I can't even imagine why you didn't murder him in his bed.  Thank heavens you were able to get away from that kind of toxic life.  How could someone be as blind as that jerk of a husband especially when that was never something you signed up for?

Sorry for those who believe in it but I just don't see how polygamy can ever work.  I don't think humans are cut out for it, and I don't mean just in the US. Those same issues have got to crop up in any household where there are multiple wives.

[DakotaJustice]

11 hours ago, Kyanight said:

Well Meow asked about the jealousy and I said that jealousy over your husband is only one part of it. Surprisingly the sex part doesn't bother you if another wife doesn't flaunt it in your face.  You welcome the nights you can just flop into bed and sleep.  (Remember I had a lot of little ones!) Oh - and it doesn't mean you have sex every time he actually sleeps with you.  Sometimes HE just wanted to sleep too - but he snored like a semi truck and jammed his big fat arm behind my neck so that my head was at an uncomfortable angle and it was so hard to sleep like that! lol

  You are jealous that he picks favorite kids who replaces your kids.  You are jealous of the stuff he buys another wife but not you.  You are jealous of the time he spends with another wife (not sexually) or you are jealous of the large amount of time he spends with another wife's kids instead of yours.  You are jealous of the places he takes other wife and or/kids but not you or yours and it isn't up for discussion, believe me.  You are resentful that the majority of the household chores end up your responsibility because you are the first wife, more experienced, know how he likes things, etc. blah blah blah.  You are resentful because of the mess left for you to clean up when it isn't YOUR mess, or your KID'S mess or even your husband's mess.  Wait - so why is it MY job? You are resentful because even if she DOES actually put laundry into the washer - she leaves it there for a week to sour, so that when YOU have to do laundry and open up the washer you gag... and have to rewash HER stuff and then dry her stuff and then take it out of the dryer so that you can put YOUR stuff in.  You are resentful that she goes to your husband with stories about you "wronging her" and he listens to her - but he doesn't want to hear anything about HER from YOU.  You are resentful that nothing is really yours because it might disappear from your closet or dresser and he wants YOU TWO to work it out - he doesn't want to hear it.  Or your child's toys become her child's toys... although it starts out to be "Can't so and so play with it for a little bit?  Can't your child share?" to it actually becoming that child's possession in time.  I could go on all day.

The kicker?  It ISN'T being jealous over your husband having sex with another woman under your roof or having kids with the other woman or buying her nice stuff and you are like an old shoe, or your kids being ignored because the other kids "need" him more.  No, the worst part is that you weren't enough.  You weren't loved in the way you loved him, and you feel like a maid and a cook and a babysitter for his other kids, and anything OTHER than being someone he loves.  

So... yeah. 

So eloquent. I'm glad you decided to post this.

[laurakaye]

@Kyanight - if I'm not overstepping my bounds here, can I ask - how did you realize when you'd had enough, and how hard was it to leave - both emotionally and logistically?  Are you still in contact with your family or was a clean break necessary?

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

Reading all of that is really eye opening and so sad, I can't even imagine why you didn't murder him in his bed.  Thank heavens you were able to get away from that kind of toxic life.  How could someone be as blind as that jerk of a husband especially when that was never something you signed up for?

Sorry for those who believe in it but I just don't see how polygamy can ever work.  I don't think humans are cut out for it, and I don't mean just in the US. Those same issues have got to crop up in any household where there are multiple wives.

Yes to all this.  Thank you @Kyanight for sharing what it was like to live polygamy.  I am happy you were obviously strong and smart to leave that life behind.  I don't see how it can work, either.  Jackwad men who foist this on their wife when they get a "calling" or "testimony" for it should be ashamed of themselves for that selfish, "all about ME" crap.  You have a lot of love here.

[Roslyn]

Normally I'm pretty wordy... but @Kyanight...I just have hugs...

((((❤️))))

[Meowwww]

@Kyanight and @Yeah No this is the small talk thread. It’s very appropriate to post anything of concern here.  I am a big believer in the power of group prayer/thoughts to the universe /whatever.  Hugs!!!

Oh and @Kyanight what brought you to a polygamous marriage?  What did you think or hope it would be in the beginning vs how it was? 

[Kbo]

@Kyanight, thank you for sharing that with us-it made me think about what day to day life in polygamy is really like in a way that Sister Wives never has. What you wrote is really powerful. Thank you. 

[Kyanight]

10 hours ago, laurakaye said:

@Kyanight - if I'm not overstepping my bounds here, can I ask - how did you realize when you'd had enough, and how hard was it to leave - both emotionally and logistically?  Are you still in contact with your family or was a clean break necessary?

First of all - thank you everyone for being so kind.  I was really cringing after I wrote that.  

To answer your question.... it built up for years.  I got to the point where I was going off into my room and crying - well it seemed like all of the time.   And as awful as it was for me, second wife REALLY hated the third wife.  My theory is that she wanted to be the first wife (so hated me) and she never got over him taking a wife after he married her. (So she hated number three.) The third wife was like a puppy.  She was sweet and so nice, and always wanting everyone to be happy. She is one of those rare people in life that you can't NOT like.  I can name people who I have met through life like that on one hand.  I was hoping that "three and me" could maybe hold each other up against two and life would have been bearable, but she was just too nice and too eager to please both wife two (who she could NEVER please) and our husband.  So I didn't have an ally there.  And my older kids were asking why I was always sad.  I wasn't just sad, I was miserable.  Wife two was hell to live with.  I can't really say that anything happened - there wasn't one big catalyst - I had just crashed into a brick wall and one day I knew I was done.   Family drove out to get us and although my FATHER-IN-LAW had a huge fit and did everything he could to keep the kids and I there, my husband didn't care.   He had a lot of kids and I can honestly say I think there was only one kid he really cared about and she wasn't mine.

My family helped me out a lot and loved my kids to pieces, so that was all we needed.  I never spoke to either of the wives again and I lost all of my friends.  The perfect analogy is that you have Covid and they are all afraid to catch it.  Basically the husbands don't want their wives to be friends with you because you are a cancer and you might cause troubles with THEIR marriages if you spread your unhappiness.  That's only my theory.  I never knew any wife who left a marriage before me.  And that's the only way I can explain the fact that they didn't want to talk to me or be friends anymore.  You have the devil in you.  It's as reasonable an explanation as any.

I both loved and hated him for years afterwards.  I think I still hate him.  I would like to get to the point where I just don't care any more.

This was AGES ago.  My kids are all grown up with lives and families of their own, except my one son who lives with me.  None believe in polygamy, in case anyone wonders.  

To Meow:  it's another long story but I didn't choose this my husband did after several years of marriage and several kids.  His parents were polygamists but when I met him he said he hated polygamy and he hated his dad.  That changed as time went on.

[Gramto6]

@Kyanight ((((((((hugs)))))))) ❤️

[lindalouwho]

Kyanight, I am so grateful to you for sharing your personal journey here. You, sofasloth,Joan of argh and kohola3 are some of my favorite people I’ve never met.  I read all your post while nodding my head, and occasionally spitting liquid thru my nose. Big hugs.

[Yeah No]

@Kyanight , how brave and strong you had to be to leave that relationship. You must  have felt like you got hit by a tsunami after you left, like you had to start from scratch in every area.  It sounds like it had gotten toxic.  I can't imagine polygamy ever NOT being toxic or at least very dysfunctional at best.  Your story is more evidence that no matter what a rosy glow shows like SW and others I've seen try to paint over it, polygamy still comes down to oppression and abuse of women.  It comes from the old attitude about women that what you want and need is not important so you have to be guilted into thinking it's your "duty" or "role"  or even worse "God's will" to deny your need for basic respect and love.  All to glorify some narcissist abusive asshole.  Sorry, I just can't put it any nicer than that.  Glad to know you've been in a better place for so long.

[lookeyloo]

Thank you @Kyanight - hard to live through I'm sure.  Similar but different is Unorthodox on Netflix.  Why does it all have to be so hard?  

[Kyanight]

So enough of that depressing topic.  Let's talk about something less depressing than polygamy - like our world with Covid!  (Joking - sort of!)

Yesterday I went to Target to pick up a prescription from their pharmacy - so a quick in and out, although I also grabbed a container of vanilla ice cream and some Hershey chocolate ice cream topping.   I first noticed something in the parking lot as I was walking into the store - almost no one had on a face mask!  Then as I walked through the store I saw SO MANY people (and entire families) not wearing masks.  I was SO irritated about this!  I get it - these people feel like they have the "right" to go mask-free - but does that also mean they have the right to infect people and make them very ill?  I mentioned something to the girl ringing me up and she said (in a snotty tone) "Well they probably don't have one".  Sheesh, my ton wrapped a t-shirt around his face and I used a winter scarf before I bought some on Ebay. I saw a couple of people wearing bandannas yesterday and I even saw a stand someone set up on the side of the road and they were selling cute cloth face masks.  I wanted to stop and look but:  A.) I don't need any and B.) I have to keep reminding myself that our world has changed and it isn't safe.  BUT - masks are everywhere.  Our NextDoor community is always offering masks to people who don't have them.  My daughter (who sews) has volunteered to make masks in her mountain town.  I think that because our Governor opened up our state the people think that things are back to normal, and they can almost do as they please.  (Restaurants and schools aren't opened.)  They didn't even attempt to maintain social distancing, and those who were wearing masks would move away from these yahoos when they would come close and I could see that they were irritated, too!  Also - two men were stocking the soda aisle and - no masks!

I worry about the number of cases rising sharply!

AND -I read this morning that now some of the states aren't reporting the number of cases accurately, like Florida.  I think the politicians want to keep the economy open so they are going to lie about the casualties to keep the American populace calm and avoid lock downs again.

OH YEAH - I forgot to add that there was a CAR SHOW in the upper parking lot!!  I kid you not!!  It was small - only about 2 dozen cars or so - but lots of people milling about!  And NONE wearing masks that I could see.

Just be careful, everyone!   Has anyone else noticed this happening in YOUR states?

Edited April 30, 2020 by Kyanight

[Yeah No]

46 minutes ago, Kyanight said:

Just be careful, everyone!   Has anyone else noticed this happening in YOUR states?

I've noticed it near me and it's shocking how many people are ignoring our governor's mandate about wearing masks into stores, etc.  I too worry about cases rising sharply.  Actually, they have been continuously rising in CT all through, so how these people are ignoring that is unbelievable to me.  It's probably because of them that the numbers are still rising.

The only way I'm seeing these things is when I go out for a walk or to the post office.  I actually have sold a few things on eBay in the last couple of weeks (not more than $150 so in the past month so I'm not getting excited) so I've combined my walk with dropping these items in the mail slot.  

Also, my husband's friend admitted to him that he still goes to the drive through at the bank (since the branches have closed it's walk-in office) and pressed the buttons with his bare fingers.  Then he says he "sanitizes" right after.  I can't think of a worse thing to touch with my bare hands right now and wouldn't even trust waiting until after touching it to sanitize.

Hubbie and I took an aimless ride in the car on a nice day over the weekend and went down the main shopping road in another town only to see a flock of young people on motorcycles hanging out in the parking lot of a Burger King like it was nothing.  No masks, no social distancing.  In fact they looked like they were thumbing their nose at the whole thing.  Mr. Yeah No got pissed.  He thinks the police probably wouldn't intervene because they're trying to avoid getting to close to any of them themselves!  Don't know if I agree with that.

[DakotaJustice]

I read today that Los Angeles will begin offering free covid tests to all residents regardless of symptoms showing or not. I'm keeping fingers crossed they do the same here. While it would no doubt mean a big rise in numbers it would be better to know.

[Yeah No]

5 minutes ago, DakotaJustice said:

I read today that Los Angeles will begin offering free covid tests to all residents regardless of symptoms showing or not. I'm keeping fingers crossed they do the same here. While it would no doubt mean a big rise in numbers it would be better to know.

I just got an email from my primary doctor's health care network that testing in CT has been expanded to include anyone with or without symptoms, plus is now available through not only the state drive-throughs and hospital emergency depts., but through one of our local diagnostic testing companies that many people use for their routine blood tests.  I'm personally more interested right now in the antibody test - whenever that is considered accurate enough to predict one's chances of having some kind of short or long term immunity to this thing.  That could be a while from now but whenever it's possible to get that easily I might want to take it.

[DakotaJustice]

If they offered either form of testing I'd jump at the chance in a minute! 

[Yeah No]

1 minute ago, DakotaJustice said:

If they offered either form of testing I'd jump at the chance in a minute! 

I think my chances of testing positive at this point are pretty slim to nil given that I've been observing the strictest form of social distancing, not going into stores, not even touching my delivered groceries without gloves and sanitizing everything before I touch it.  I know I'm being way overboard on this but given what's going on here in the Northeast plus the fact that my father died from this not even setting foot out of his house with only caregivers coming in that were supposed to be careful, I'm not taking any chances.  If I had any reason to worry in the future I might do the regular test. 

I'm still suspicious that hubbie and I might have antibodies given that we had a very strange virus last fall that felt like nothing else I ever had.  He realized later that he caught it from a passenger that was coughing in the back seat and then brought it home and gave it to me.  Hubbie had a glancing blow while I was feeling like total crap for about a month.  I lost the entire month of September that way.  We had to put off celebrating my dad's 92nd birthday until I was feeling well enough not to worry that I'd give it to him.   I am still suspicious that this virus or a form of it was around much earlier than they think, it just took this long to start really "going viral" as they say.

[AZChristian]

I have a friend who is in the "high risk" category due to medical conditions.

And, yet, SHE posts on Facebook about how masks were originally created to be used by sick people/doctors/nurses to keep them from spreading germs into society.  She believes that she shouldn't wear a mask because she's not sick.

IMHO, if I have a mask (and I do), I'm wearing it. 

There are people out in society who will INTENTIONALLY infect others if they get sick, just out of a sense of anger.  Does anyone else remember after HIV/AIDS was discovered?  There were frequent news reports of folks who had tested positive who intentionally engaged in risky behaviors with others with an "if I'm gonna die, I'm going to take others with me" attitude.

And then, of course, we deal with those who believe they are invincible.  They think they won't get it, so they're not going to wear any protective equipment, they're not going to socially distance themselves, etc., etc., etc.

One person is responsible to keep me safe.  Me.  I have asthma and weak lungs, so I'm obviously a high risk person.  We've started doing all our shopping online, and hubby does the Walmart Curb Pickup runs.  As soon as he gets home, we wipe EVERYTHING down with Clorox wipes before putting it away.  If he has had to go into a store, I make him take a shower.  Over cautious?  Yep.  No apologies.

I know one person who has died from covid.  He was 38 years old, in excellent health, father of two young daughters.  He had been on a hiking vacation with some friends in Peru.  He picked up the germ somewhere (I don't know where for sure), and was dead within two weeks of his return.

Y'all be smart and stay safe.

[Kohola3]

2 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I know I'm being way overboard on this but given what's going on here in the Northeast plus the fact that my father died from this not even setting foot out of his house with only caregivers coming in that were supposed to be careful, I'm not taking any chances. 

I honestly don't think it's possible to go overboard when others are determined to be stupid.  I am livid with those who say they have a "right" not to wear a mask. Well I have the right not to be killed by your selfish stupidity. 

I know it's hard and I know it's uncomfortable to wear a mask.  But as has been so succinctly pointed out - dead is forever.  You can't say, "oops, sorry" to the person who is gone.  And now SM is full of stories of people who mocked it and are gone and their families are now weeping and wailing - and posting GoFundMe pages to pay for the funerals.  I say throw them in a hole someplace.

I tell myself every day to try and find one good thing to concentrate on which is why I am staying off of FB except for the group page for which I am an admin for our local Friends group (we work at the local lighthouse) because it's so depressing. 

I know we'll through this but I do wish I could stop inadvertently gasping in horror every time I look in a mirror,  My hair!  Ugh!

[xwordfanatik]

Here's a real-life story, told to me by my late mother, who grew up during the Depression.

Mom grew up on a farm in the Dakotas.  They had little or no indoor plumbing, and had an outhouse.  They couldn't afford toilet paper.  Guess what they used instead?  Sears catalogue pages!  

 All the toilet paper scarcities lately have brought that story to mind.  Those Depression-era folks must have been tough!  😆

[xwordfanatik]

I know what you mean, @Kohola3!  I may have to start braiding it at night, it's getting so long.  

I signed off Facebook over a year ago.  I'm very glad I did, I can't imagine reading there now.

These fools that take unnecessary risks baffle the crap out of me.  Nobody is 10 feet tall and bulletproof, as the saying goes.