The Quotes Thread: Quip, Quip, Slow

[DollEyes]

  Besides the dancing, some of the best moments on the show involve words. For example, from last week's episode:

  Tom, about Val's communication skills: "When Val is asked to translate anything, it's a sign of the apocalypse."

 Another, from Len, re Meryl Davis: "You're nice on ice, but you're also good on wood,"  which was equal parts funny and cringe-worthy.

Post your favorite quotes from the show, past and present, here.

 

 

[Matryoshka]

Len's "nice on ice" line was actually recycled from season 10, when he first used it on Evan Lysacek.

[DollEyes]

Sharna to Cody Simpson, about his wardrobe: "Pull your pants up!"

As if I couldn't heart her anymore.

[Princess Sparkle]

I personally cracked up last night at this exchange last night:

Tom: Maks is going to run right out and buy tickets to Julianne's tour.

Maks: I'll pick up some for Mark too.

[humdrum]

Peta: Ooh, that was very close... I feel like I'm cheating on James a little bit.

Charlie: Is James not allowed to stick his nose in your mouth?

I was laughing as hard as Peta after that little exchange!

[OakGoblinFly]

Bruno: Now listen to the Good Fairy.

[RescueMom]

Tom: Eyeful Tower of Chmerkovskiy

[ari333]

Len: "If you make a mistake, the judges will go down on you."

[Kromm]

This will be like the Tom Bergeron tribute topic!  (although I admit Len and Bruno will have the occasional good one).

I suppose we could also point to stuff Erin says as Trainwreck memorable (rather than memorable for good reasons).  Like “I want a Dancing With the Stars baby." Ugh. Memorable and horrible all at once.

[fembotz]

Tom's crack about "conscious recoupling" after the switch had me in stitches. I wish I could remember the exact wording. 

[DollEyes]

  While I'm not a big Maks fan, his dis of this week's Guest Judge Abby Lee Miller from Dance Moms, "I really don't care for anything she has to say," and fellow pro Derek Hough's slow clap in response, was priceless. Maks isn't the nicest guy in the world, but I believe ALM is way worse, to adults and children, especially the latter. When a Guest Judge is hated by the pros, the judges, much of the audience and (possibly) even the host, something's wrong with them, as far as I'm concerned.

Edited May 9, 2014 by DollEyes

[Flick]

I personally thought "But how was the rumba?" from Tom was the funniest of the night, especially combined with the reactions of the other three.

[TeeM]

I personally thought "But how was the rumba?" from Tom was the funniest of the night, especially combined with the reactions of the other three.

 

Tom wins the prize every week for best quip. He really is the best host in the business. And yes, this was a great example of that! Loved it. 

[humdrum]

Aw, Charlie's gone! :(  But at least he gave us this before he left (from his package):

 

"Welcome to New York, bitch." 

[Kromm]

Tom wins the prize every week for best quip. He really is the best host in the business. And yes, this was a great example of that! Loved it. 

I occasionally used to watch the British version of this show online and feel really sorry for the viewers there having to put up with an ancient unfunny old fart as it's host.  Poor Brits.  

 

As bad as this show gets sometimes (and I skip at least half of each season due to boredom these days), at the very least I know that when I DO tune it, that even if the singers are bad, and the co-host is bad, and the judges are doing the same crap as always, and the dances variable, at least Tom is consistently excellent.

Edited May 13, 2014 by Kromm

[Bitsy]

"I should have high-fived Carrie Ann.  Why did I kiss Carrie Ann of all people?" - Maks during his red carpet interview with Tony

[Bitsy]

"24 hour fusion challenge.  That sounds like a deodorant." - Erin Andrews

[emma675]

I laughed till I cried over this bit with Maks--I feel like they caught him in a silly mood and he just let loose:

 

Maks: I want to ravage her and have ice-skating, big mean Russian babies and call them Boris and Oleg, Their nicknames would be bear…for both of them. "Come here, bear" just to whoever turns around first.

 

Off camera person: When are you going to propose?

 

Maks: Probably tomorrow.

[babyhouseman]

After Maks did the segment about the babies, they went back live to Maks, Meryl, and Erin. He looked embarrased, and Tom said, "Look for the show, "The Blushing Russian."

[DollEyes]

 Bumping it up with another jewel from Tom, this time from this week's Results show: "Dancing With the Stars: where body fat goes to die." 

[Woodrose]

Artem to Lea:  By the way, I wore purple underwear from Calvin Klein...just saying.

[Uke]

Artem to Lea:  By the way, I wore purple underwear from Calvin Klein...just saying.

I heard Artem say that but it seemed such a random thing to say. A private joke maybe?

[Anothermi]

Tom: BTW. ... Seeing Cheech and Chong togeither, brings back so many memories... so many munchies....

[Serendi]

Re: Calvin Klein underwear, I assume it related to this (from his thread):

 

 

Antonio Sabato Jr. once overlooked Time Square from a 90-foot billboard dressed only in his Calvin Klein underwear. 

[Sile]

In Back to the Future, Lorraine (Lea's character) thought Michael J. Fox's name was Calvin Klein because that's what was written on his underwear.

"I've never seen purple underwear before, Calvin."

Edited September 21, 2014 by Sile

[Serendi]

Oh, good, that makes WAY more sense!

[luvthepros]

I heard Artem say that but it seemed such a random thing to say. A private joke maybe?

Artem was referring to the bedroom scene in "Back To the Future".....

http://youtu.be/8f9MNkbTzxg

Edited September 21, 2014 by luvthepros

[Uke]

Artem was referring to the bedroom scene in "Back To the Future".....

http://youtu.be/8f9MNkbTzxg

 

 

In Back to the Future, Lorraine (Lea's character) thought Michael J. Fox's name was Calvin Klein because that's what was written on his underwear.

"I've never seen purple underwear before, Calvin."

 

Ahh I see. Thanks!  I don't think I've seen the movie all the way through so the comment just made no sense.

[DollEyes]

Tommy Chong to his partner Peta Murgatroyd, during rehearsals for their Scent Of A Woman-inspired Argentine Tango, about Peta's ex: "I smell Maks."

[Dancingjaneway]

Tom to Jessie J after giving Antonio a 6. "You might want to have someone start your car for you tonight."  Tom on Lea and Vals dance: "That was like Mamas Family the musical". 

[PBGamer89]

I loved this quote:

 

Janel (to Artem after feeling him up): Sorry for molesting you, but not really! 

[DollEyes]

Witney to Alfonso, after accidentally kneeing him in the nuts: "Do you need a snack?" 

[Dancingjaneway]

"Does that mean we're not going clubbing Mark?"-Len before judging Mark and Sadies dance. 

[DollEyes]

Tom, about the 1920s ride that Lea & Artem used for their Bonnie & Clyde-inspired Jazz routine: "Aww-it's Len's first car!"

[DollEyes]

Val to Tom, after grabbing Tom's ass: "From Maks."

 

Val to Maks, while rehearsing the Paso Doble: "You're a big bitch."

Maks: "I'm the biggest bitch."

Edited November 23, 2014 by DollEyes

[Dancingjaneway]

Tommy Chong after Erin asks how he would feel if Tony was picked to be his partner: "I can handle Tony. I've been to prison". 

[kitcloudkicker]

Bruno to Chris: "You were more erect this week"

Tom: "So you watched The Bachelor too?"

[Wings]

Tom, "we usually leak like a sieve but this time we kept a secret!  In reference to Noah's girlfriend showing up. 

[Wings]

Silent quip.  Val's impression of Bruce Willis.  Loved it! 

[TudorQueen]

An old exchange between Maks and Mel B that I still cherish.

 

Mel: "Oh, God!"
Maks: "You can call me Maks."

 

[DollEyes]

Tom, after Willow Shields' & Mark's Fire & Ice-themed Paso Doble: "Willow Shields & 'Jack Frost.'"

Edited April 1, 2015 by OnceSane
removed unnecessary sentence

[RescueMom]

Witney said something this episode that I really liked - I don't remember the exact wording, but it was something like, "Back to work - nobody ever improved by feeling sorry for themselves."

[DollEyes]

In  the tradition of Sharna's brilliant advice to Cody Simpson ("Pull your pants up!") during Switch-Up week, which was a little over a year ago, here's another pearl of wisdom, this time to her current partner Noah Galloway:

 

"Suck it up, princess."

Edited April 14, 2015 by DollEyes

[Kindred Spirit]

I think Tom's, "It's the dance equivalent of 'Squirrel!'" is the best, funniest comment he's ever made. Plus, it perfectly encapsulated Robert's dilemma. I also love how Robert used it in his interview with Erin. I laughed so wholeheartedly! Those comments and the opening number are what I need to re-watch before I delete the episode.

[TudorQueen]

"I'm going to stop being a host for a moment, and just be a dad."  Tom to a devastated Willow before giving her a comforting and very paternal hug.
 

Tom Bergeron, you are one of the all-time best!

 

[DollEyes]

 Tom's new nickname for Derek, "'Hop-Along' Hough," is yet another reason to heart Tom.

Edited April 29, 2015 by DollEyes

[DollEyes]

Bumping it up with Bruno's response to Drew Lachey & Cheryl Burke's classic Freestyle to "Save A Horse-Ride A Cowboy":

 

Bruno to Drew: "You look like you could play the lead in Brokeback Mountain: The Musical."

Edited September 14, 2015 by DollEyes

[OakGoblinFly]

I don't remember the exact quote, but I did get a chuckle out of Tom's comment regarding Carrie Anne's completely inappropriate comment to Hayes (paraphrase) "... and coming soon Carrie Anne dancing the Cougar and the Dinosaur"

[DollEyes]

I thought that the way Alek Skarlatos introduced himself was cute: "I'm, Alek Skalartos & you probably have no idea who I am."

[Uke]

"I dance in a cosmos of riddles."  ---Gary Busey, week 1