Favorite Quotes: "What the hell goes on at night in this house?!"

[Bort]

From the rerun I saw tonight:

[the a/c went out, they walk into the kitchen to find Sophia with her robe open in front of the fridge]

Dorothy: Ma! What are you doing?

Sophia: Giving the meatloaf a thrill.

A/C repairman: There's a old lady next door, running through a sprinkler.

Dorothy: What are you talking about, there's no old lady living-- Ma! [runs outside]

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Rose: Why don't you just kiss and make up?"

Sophia: "Why dont' you just blow it out your ditty bag."

I had never heard of a ditty bag before this show. Learn something new every day!

 

"I love a tight man! Tight man with cast iron pecs.....thighs that could choke a bear.....and a butt you could eat breakfast off of. Then the two of us would.... Oh, Rose, when did you get home, honey?"

[asupercoolusername]

Blanche: I am abhorred!

Sophia: We know what you are Blanche. I'm glad to finally hear you admit it.

Blanche: Sophia I said abhorred.

Sophia: Abhorred, a slut, a tramp, it's all the same thing.

[OSM Mom]

You're a furry little gnome and we feed you too much.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Blanche: "You know what my least favorite part after a party is?"

 

Rose: "Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?"

[ShadowSixx]

Dorothy to Sophia after learning Sophia impersonated Charlie. "You're a horrible little person." and "Listen to me, you vindictive little sea monkey."

 

Sophia: "That's how you talk to your mother? Put that in the letter to your father, how sassy you've gotten since menopause."

[Donny Ketchum]

Blanche: Well, I'm sure not putting my money into stocks and bonds.  Hey, this is found money.  This is fun money.  This is "hot beaches and sweaty men" money.  This is "getting naked and rolling around on the ground" money.

Dorothy: (sadly) Even your money has more fun than I do.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"You look really pretty today, Pussycat."

 

"This isn't going to work, you little stick-person!"

[Blakeston]

Sophia: "Excuse me, Snoop."

Dorothy: "Liar!"

Sophia: "Rhino!"

Dorothy: "Lizard!"

::immediately afterward::

Dorothy: "It's real love, Mr. Benson. And it's an honest love. And yes, we might have secrets we stubbornly try to hide from each other."

Sophia: "Python!"

Dorothy: "Swamp insect!"

[ShadowSixx]

Dorothy: "Oh, please Rose! Spare me the endless, inane details of how Heidi Flugendugelgurgenplotz successfully matched a bull with a duck!"

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Next time we come over, I want to hear more about St. Olaf. It sounds like a really good place to raise a daughter."

 

*Rose looks really proud and pleased while Dorothy starts the Walk of Shame across the living room*

 

"I was desperate!"

[Donny Ketchum]

If you watch that scene carefully, you can see Dorothy's physically start to tense up, knowing she'll be hearing it from the other girls.

[ATWTer76]

"I only hear from him at Christmas when he sends me a cheddar cheese Nativity scene. I'm Catholic. I can't spread a wise man on a Ritz cracker!"

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"What was your best sex, Blanche?"

 

"Oh, nice going, Rose. Blanche, it's past midnight. There's one cheesecake left. Let's use menopause as a cutoff point, okay?"

[ShadowSixx]

Rose: Hot damn! It's finally happened! Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes!

Dorothy: I take it we now get the Disney channel?

 

Dorothy: She didn't just break it, she made it so the eyes would never close again. She made Mrs. Doolittle look like a morphine addict!

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Magda: "Dorothy, let it go."

[Donny Ketchum]

Dorothy: . . . They're just gonna nag you and nag you until you wanna grab their throats and choke 'em, but you don't, because you're in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!

[Cobalt Stargazer]

I especially love the way Sophia is just sitting there nodding along as Dorothy talks, as if to say, "Yeah, she's right, that's totally how it works."

[ShadowSixx]

Rose: Charmaine! Blanche, Charmaine is here.

Sophia: Oh good, ringside seats.

[BooksRule]

Blanche: 'Well, way to go, Rose.  You've talked her into doing exactly the opposite of what we wanted her to do.'

Rose: 'I guess that's why they took me off the suicide hotline at work.'

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Rose, if this is a story about a man named Leif, I really don't want to hear it."

[babyhouseman]

Lucy: I hope I wasn’t too much trouble.
    Rose: Don't be silly.
    Dorothy: We enjoyed having you.
    Sophia: So did half of Miami.

    Dorothy: Ma!

[ShadowSixx]

Lillian: I was quite a looker back in the day. Almost as pretty as you.

Blanche: Well thank you.

Lillian: Of course, I had bigger breasts.

 

Sophia: Rose, I need some advice?

Rose: And you are asking me?

Sophia: Frightening isn't it.

 

Dorothy: I would kill my sister Gloria if she ever wrote about my sexual escapades.

Sophia: You'd kill your sister over a pamphlet?

 

Dorothy: Now you see what you've done? You've upset Kim Fong Toi.

[WhitneyWhit]

Dorothy: We need to talk about Lucy.

Blanche: What about her?

Sophia: Girl's a slut.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Thank you, Sheena, Queen of the Slut People!"

[OSM Mom]

"Strike up the gland.."

[Blakeston]

Delivery guy: "Blanche Deverux?"
Dorothy: "That's Devereaux...it's only pronounced Deverux in limericks."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Oh, great, a trollop, everybody grab a rock!"

[ShadowSixx]

Sophia: Oh, Dorothy. Can I make a little suggestion when you go for your makeover?

Dorothy: Sure, what is it?

Sophia: Don't expect a miracle.

 

Sophia: So you've started up with your married man again.
Dorothy: How did you know?
Sophia: I'm The Amazing Kreskin! I was listening outside the door.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma.

Sophia: Oh, I can't put my ear to the door but you can put your....

Dorothy: Ma!

 

Blanche: Must you do that?!
Rose: She can't help it Blanche, she has to blow her nose. Or is that a banana?

 

Blanche: You've probably haven't noticed it, but I've put on three pounds.
Sophia: On each side.

 

Rose: Blanche, sometimes you act just like a woman I knew in St. Olaf!
Sophia: Please, no one say "what woman?"

 

Mr. Ha Ha: Well, it says here on my Ha Ha birthday list that Bobby is seven, Jeannie is nine, and Dorothy is...
Dorothy: I'll punch your heart out, Ha Ha!
Mr. Ha Ha: ...Dorothy is the oldest!

 

Dorothy: This is what you've been doing for the past forty five minutes?

Rose: Uh-huh isn't he cute? I call him Scotty.

[Dorothy pops balloon]

Dorothy: Now you can call him garbage.

Edited August 5, 2014 by ShadowSixx

[Blakeston]

Sophia: Oh, I can't put my ear to the door but you can put your....

 

Something tells me that this dialogue was also part of that Sonya Klingenhoffer cartoon, along with "Why was your face pressed against the crack?"

[bettername2come]

"Thank you, Sheena, Queen of the Slut People!"

 

Rose: Name?

Sophia: Zulu, Queen of the Dwarf People!

[ShadowSixx]

Sophia: Rose you idiot, I'll never pass for a man. Dorothy trade with me?

Dorothy: Go to hell Myron.

 

Rose: I think it's impossible to paint autumn in St. Olaf.
Dorothy: How come?
Rose: Maybe it's because of the horrible St. Olaf Falling Leif story.
Dorothy: Rose, if this a story about a man named Leif, I don't want to hear it.
Rose: It's not that long.
Dorothy: No.
Rose: It has a surprise ending.
Dorothy: All right Rose, just the ending, but keep it short!
Rose: ...Splat!

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Blanche: "A lady always plays hard to get."

 

Dorothy: "Read that somewhere, did you?"

[OSM Mom]

"We're all going to be turned into kumquats..."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Do we have any more orange juice?"

 

*Dorothy deliberately empties the container*

 

"No, we're all out."

[ShadowSixx]

Rose: This is like "The Long Day's Journey Into Light".
Dorothy: [correcting her] Night, Rose.
Rose: [heading to her room] Night, Dorothy.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"I want to see the witch!"

 

"Leonard, don't call her a witch. You'll get another boil on your butt."

 

"Tell the world, Gladys!"

[Blakeston]

"Do we have any more orange juice?"

 

*Dorothy deliberately empties the container*

 

"No, we're all out."

Blanche: "Dorothy, where's my heating pad?"

Dorothy: "How should I know?"

Blanche: [holding up an electrical cord] "Well if this isn't it, I'd like to know what other electrical appliance you're using under that blanket."

[babyhouseman]

Rose: You know  how many of these stinking hot toddies I had to drink to keep on a happy face?

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Rose: You know  how many of these stinking hot toddies I had to drink to keep on a happy face?

Blanche: "It's time for Another World."

 

Dorothy: "You can't watch Another World."

 

Blanche: "And why not?"

 

Dorothy: "Because you watched it yesterday."

 

Blanche: "That's exactly why I have to watch it today, Dorothy, to find out what happens. That's why they always say, 'stay tuned for the continuing story of Another World!"

 

Dorothy: "Too bad, Blanche. Today is my day to choose and we are not watching Another World!"

Edited August 8, 2014 by Cobalt Stargazer

[ShadowSixx]

Blanche: "Oh, you're the meanest sick person I've ever met! Not to mention the most unattractive."

[ATWTer76]

She can't help it, Blanche. She has to blow her nose. Or is that a banana?

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Sophia: "Did you see that guy? Total fruitcake! We're talking serial murderer!"

 

Rose: "Well, if somebody tries to murder cereal, he should see a psychiatrist."

 

Dorothy: "Don't talk for the rest of the afternoon."

[ShadowSixx]

Dorothy: "Should I? Oh what the hell, Rose what is Gowhackanoggin?" 

Rose: "It's a lot like baseball. Except, instead of hitting a ball, you whack yourself in the head"

 

Rose: "I thought we could play a game of Oogle and Floogle."

Barbara: "I don't believe I ever heard of that."

Rose: Oh we use to play it back in St. Olaf, it's an adult version of "hide and go seek."

Barbara: "And how is it different from the children's version?"

Rose: "Adults play it."

 

Dorothy: "Hello, yes this is she...Oh my god it's them, it's Jeopardy!...I did, oh this is wonderful, wonderful...What?..Yes, yes, she's my roommate...Oh that is fabulous news too, oh sure, sure, I'll be happy to tell her, Blanche you flunked."

 

Announcer: "And finally our four time defending champion with $92,000, attempting today to set an all time Jeopardy earnings record, television associate producer Rose Nylund."

Dorothy: "Four time champion, how? This woman is an idiot?"

Announcer: "Oh really, she didn't get knocked up in high school."

[babyhouseman]

Rose: Game's over. I win.

Dorothy: What? You bought one street in St. Olaf

Rose: I bought the only street in St. Olaf.

 

Dorothy: Let's see, I can either buy the library or the phone booth.
Rose: I'd buy the phone booth.
Dorothy: Why?
Rose: People use the phone booth.

[Princess Sparkle]

I have to give some love to my favorite line reading of Bea Arthurs' ever, which was "I am so crazy nuts about this guy!!!"  It cracks me up just thinking about it.

 

And, even though its been mentioned before, my all-time favorite line is "Yeah, don't tell Rose that Danny Thomas is a lesbian; it'll break her heart."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

I have to give some love to my favorite line reading of Bea Arthurs' ever, which was "I am so crazy nuts about this guy!!!"  It cracks me up just thinking about it.

Especially since she precedes it with, "Why don't you go join the bomb squad?!"

Edited August 11, 2014 by Cobalt Stargazer

[ShadowSixx]

Blanche: Honey, why don't you just take a sleeping pill.
Rose: I don't like to take pills. I get slap happy and say silly things.
Dorothy: Well, we certainly wouldn't want that to happen.

 

Dorothy: Ted, what a surprise!
Ted: Great to see you again.
Stan: What about me babe?
Dorothy: Go hug a landmine.

 

Blanche: I think you owe me an explanation.
Dorothy: Well, Ted and I...
Blanche: I don't have to stand here and listen to this!

[babyhouseman]

Blanche: But Dr. Clayton wants me. I can feel it.
    Dorothy: Let someone else feel it.
    Blanche: But we were meant for each other. I'm a woman and he's a man.
    Dorothy: And what am I, Little Richard?

[ShadowSixx]

Rose: 'What kind of a friend would you be if you let Elliot ruin her life? She could marry that man. They could have a child!...They could adopt a child! And then one night at the country club, possibly during little Mei Ling’s coming out party, Dorothy’s having the time of her life when she goes to the powder room and she overhears the towel lady telling Mrs. Steinbeck that Dorothy’s husband, Dr. Elliot Clayton, has bonged every female member of the country club. Can you let that happen to Dorothy? Can you let that happen to little Mei Ling? Hasn’t she suffered enough?Blanche: Not as much as I have listening to that story.
Rose: Forget the story. You have to tell Dorothy, she's your friend.

Blanche: You're right. She is my best friend.
Rose: I thought I was your best friend!
Blanche: You were until you told me that story.

 

Blanche: They got my jewels.

Dorothy: But I see they didn't get your cocaine.

Rose: Oh my God! Blanche has cocaine?!