S02.E22: Mandatory Minimums

[Athena]

Mandatory minimums require fixed prison sentences for certain crimes. John Oliver explains why we treat some turkeys better than most low-level offenders.

[dusang]

I know it's technically a 15-minute comedy routine and you can't cover every single thing but this is so clearly integrated with several other topics John has "deep-dived" into (income inequality, incarceration in the US, police militarization, bail) that it is almost disappointing when he covers it in isolation.  I mean, it's still a great piece (and it's PHENOMENALLY heartening that the none of the top comments on YouTube are "well they shouldn't have been dealing in the first place!" bullshit) but I can't help but want a bit more.

 

(Side-note: I just checked the wiki page for the episodes and it's super interesting to see the ratings by episode.  YouTube is really working to John's advantage.)

[Primetimer]

But not moose. This doesn't concern them.

Read the story

[toomuchtv47]

I actually find this clip embarrassing as a Canadian. I don't know anyone that speaks like that. I normally enjoy John Oliver but this one seemed like a miss to me. The only person name Gord I know is the lead singer of The Hip. I get that it's funny to a lot of people but with this article, I have to disagree with Tara and her generalizations of how Canadians really are.

[dusang]

I actually find this clip embarrassing as a Canadian. I don't know anyone that speaks like that. I normally enjoy John Oliver but this one seemed like a miss to me. The only person name Gord I know is the lead singer of The Hip. I get that it's funny to a lot of people but with this article, I have to disagree with Tara and her generalizations of how Canadians really are.

 

Seconded.  I've laughed at the expense of other countries enough to not get too sensitive about the clip itself but a Canadian saying that is a "legit Canadian accent" is just wrong.

[Traveller519]

I am enjoying the little bits of Canadiana being dropped into John's show. He covered the Senate Scandal, and in one of the put upon commercials a few weeks back there was a sweeping shot of the Calgary Skyline (very briefly).

 

That number in Ottawa does sound crazy. 1 in 5???? Maybe one of the hotels wi-fi access portals requires you to sign up for the website. Or it's just what new MP's do when they get to town.

 

I do love that it was Jason Jones that provided the voice over for it.

[iMonrey]

 

as a Canadian. I don't know anyone that speaks like that.

 

Then it must be you! Just kidding. Actually, as an American, I have found (in my admittedly anecdotal experiences) that Canadians themselves do not hear the Canadian accent, just as mid-westerners in the U.S do not hear "midwestern" accents.

 

Where do they show that commercial for AshleyMadison.com? Is it a TV commercial? It sure as heck doesn't air here on any channel I've ever watched.

[Eegah]

Personally, I've vacationed in Canada twice and could never detect any noticeable differences from what I hear every day here in the Middle Colonies (when they weren't speaking French, at least).

[dusang]

Then it must be you! Just kidding. Actually, as an American, I have found (in my admittedly anecdotal experiences) that Canadians themselves do not hear the Canadian accent, just as mid-westerners in the U.S do not hear "midwestern" accents.

 

Where do they show that commercial for AshleyMadison.com? Is it a TV commercial? It sure as heck doesn't air here on any channel I've ever watched.

 

Canada has many regional accents.  The accent in the clip is a spoof of an Ottawa-valley accent, made famous by SCTV's "Kanadian Korner" / "Great White North" parody of Canadian content.

 

I'm not sure which station I've seen it on but AshleyMadison is very late night advertising.

Edited July 27, 2015 by dusang

[Kat]

I'm not Canadian, but I did grow up in Baltimore and Pittsburgh and have family that have strong accents that they don't think they have. And obviously they exaggerated things for the bit, but I found the whole segment hilarious.

I rewatched it twice last night because I giggling too hard the first time to catch every thing.

 

I too have never seen a tv ad for AshleyMadison.com, so I don't really know what they're like, but I love the comedy responses to them.

 

 

I do love that it was Jason Jones that provided the voice over for it

Me too. I love Jason Jones to pieces.

Edited July 27, 2015 by Kat

[cattykit]

I actually find this clip embarrassing as a Canadian. I don't know anyone that speaks like that. I normally enjoy John Oliver but this one seemed like a miss to me. The only person name Gord I know is the lead singer of The Hip. I get that it's funny to a lot of people but with this article, I have to disagree with Tara and her generalizations of how Canadians really are.

There's always Gordon Lightfoot and Gordie Howe, for starters.

 

I don't think it's any worse than listening to countless actors attempting--for real, and not a spoof as this obviously was--Southern US accents and failing miserably. 

[stillshimpy]

And obviously they exaggerated things for the bit, but I found the whole segment hilarious.

I rewatched it twice last night because I giggling too hard the first time to catch every thing.

 

Exactly. It was cute, but I thought it was actually nicely lighthearted considering the 1-in-5 statistic that was deeply horrifying.  I lived for several years in New Jersey and whenever I tell people that, they always say the same "You don't sound like you're from Jersey!"  Well...for one thing...very few people actually do have that very stereotypical New Jersey accent and for another, I was living in South Jersey, vs. North and blah blah blah....almost all areas have some extremely exaggerated depiction of the local accent with which to contend and I've never met a person who fully embodied any of them. At least the stereotypical Canadian accent isn't paint-peeling levels of hard-on-the-ears.  No one ever seems to have the stereotypical accent of anywhere.

 

Except for one woman I know from Texas...who lived there for only part of her life...but is actually from Illinois.  Most central-casting Texas accent ever.  

 

But when it comes to Canadian accents, they tend to really play up the very slight difference in "about" which sounds more like saying "oo" and "ow" at the exact same moment than it does "aboot" to me.    Plus, I'm pretty sure that segment was meant to be overblown and ridiculous.   I thought it was cute and positively cuddly compared to any attempt at a Boston accent.  

 

That may have had more to do with the "HOLY SHIT, IS THAT AD REAL?" of the "I'm looking for someone other than my wife, other than my wife, other than my wife"....because I thought THAT was a parody and apparently it's not?  Yikes. 

 

Life is short....get a divorce if you're that unhappy. Good grief.   

Edited July 27, 2015 by stillshimpy

[Athena]

I grew up in Ottawa, but I am not married and I never heard about Ashley Madison until recently. In any case, the overwhelming majority of users on the site are men. I think the 1 in 5 number is not that accurate since most of the accounts on any dating site are fake. I also read that while it was free to join the website, you have to pay to get it removed. So lots of people joined as a joke or on a whim, but just took their photos off. Now, this isn't to say that Ottawa doesn't have a lot of cheaters. I think the number of politicians, diplomats, and transient professions (business people, military, visiting academics) does make it a top city for the website. I found the video amusing and it actually really captured the feel of the city. I found the accent an amalgamation of a bunch of stereotypical Canadian accents. Certain words did sound like Southern Ontario or from the Maritimes.

 

I've met a couple of Gordons from Canada.

[Victor the Crab]

As a Canadian myself, the only thing about that piece that offended me was that Ashley Madison came from my country. That ad of theirs might be the most offensive commercial I've ever seen (and I've seen ads from Papa John's, Carl's Jr, Arby's, blah, blah, blah). Those accents may have been overdone, but they weren't mean spirited IMO.

 

Go to Atlantic Canada for the most colorful accents you'll ever run across, especially from the good people of Newfoundland.

 

Scrotus Moistus? Yeah that's painfully me. <:(

[torontomeridith]

Of course the highest percentage of AM users are in Ottawa, it's the national seat of government. All the MPs aren't going to use their home address. And as an American that has lived in Canada for nearly a decade, it actually thought the segment was hilarious, the accent was not too over the top and Jason Jones did it proud.

[stillshimpy]

I keep forgetting the insanely depressing mandatory minimums subject, that went hand-in-hand with the bail segment from a while ago in terms of making me insanely grateful for absolutely every aspect of my incredibly fortunate life.    Meth is a horrific and insanely destructive drug, but 55 years as a sentence for anything that doesn't involve premeditated murder with intentional cruelty to boot seems excessive in the extreme.  

 

That is a subject that is so depressing that I decided to go to Youtube and see whatever gems of Ashley Madison commercials I've missed.  You see, I was sort of fascinated by the concept that someone took that as an acting gig.  I used to think that the poor sods who were cast in the Herpes commercials likely were in for a rough time in the dating pool.  That's nothing compared to the guys cheerfully singing about looking for someone other than their wife...with great big, happy, cheerful grins on their faces usually reserved for Disney commercials and banners that say "The Happiest Place on Earth" or some other "that's why I look like I just swallowed a metric fuckton of some mood elevating medication"  thing.  

 

I mean, those guys presumably have, at the very least parents who they have to explain to "Mom, I got a commercial gig.  Yeah, it's a national.  Good residuals.  I just wanted you to know, it doesn't mean anything.  And I don't have herpes.  No, it's not for a herpes medication.  Just....here, I'll send you a link.  Remember, it's just a job. I dyed my hair for it too, just in case.  Don't tell Nana, okay?"  

 

And then I found the one geared towards women and based on an old School House Rock tune (not kidding) ...and then for the first time in the history of youtube, the comments were among the most entertaining things I've read in ages.    

 

Of course my husband could hear me playing them and then laughing hysterically.  That blasted "Looking for someone other than my wife" ditty is a bastard of an earworm, by the the way.  

Edited July 28, 2015 by stillshimpy

[Irlandesa]

(Side-note: I just checked the wiki page for the episodes and it's super interesting to see the ratings by episode.  YouTube is really working to John's advantage.)

That probably has less to do with YouTube and more to do with its lead-ins.  Game of Thrones came back on April 12th and you can see a big spike in John's audience.  But it did do much better after GoT/Silicon Valley/Veep than it did last year so that is a positive.

 

I actually find this clip embarrassing as a Canadian. I don't know anyone that speaks like that. I normally enjoy John Oliver but this one seemed like a miss to me. The only person name Gord I know is the lead singer of The Hip. I get that it's funny to a lot of people but with this article, I have to disagree with Tara and her generalizations of how Canadians really are.

I thought it was deliberately over-the-top, tongue-in-cheek and fun.  And he got a legit Candian to join in and do the voice. I think it's done in the same spirit that John uses whenever he does his exaggerated cockney accent.

 

I grew up in Ottawa, but I am not married and I never heard about Ashley Madison until recently. In any case, The overwhelming majority of users on the site are men.

Which is why I was surprised they were advertising towards men---wouldn't they want to boost the female part of their site?  But maybe not.  Advertise to those who pay.

[ganesh]

Do people know you don't actually have to get married? Then you don't "have" to cheat on your wife. Problem solved. I'm doubtful that everyone on AM is actually married anyway. The women are probably mostly escorts and use it as a platform to meet clients. Which shouldn't be a big deal either (assuming you're not married). 

 

I'm so glad Congress has 60 days to "debate" the Iran deal. I'm sure we'll hear so much substantive debate on it. I'm putting the over/under at 500 on the use of the "flushing it down the toilet" canard, and I'm taking the over. 

Edited July 28, 2015 by ganesh

[dusang]

That probably has less to do with YouTube and more to do with its lead-ins.  Game of Thrones came back on April 12th and you can see a big spike in John's audience.  But it did do much better after GoT/Silicon Valley/Veep than it did last year so that is a positive.

I meant that, even when his numbers are quite low, he generates a lot more buzz. The biggest jump is post-Snowden, which I can't imagine is a coincidence.  Also, most of his videos have at least double the number of views as the show itself.

Edited July 28, 2015 by dusang

[Wax Lion]

 

Which is why I was surprised they were advertising towards men---wouldn't they want to boost the female part of their site?  But maybe not.  Advertise to those who pay.

 

Actually, I was surprised they didn't make it like one of those Viagra ads (which for some reason, I always see when I watch Bravo -- shouldn't those shows get a Viagra ad featuring a silver fox?) featuring a ridiculously hot female spokesperson talking like she's a typical AM user just waiting for a guy to sign up so she can hook up with him.

 

I vaguely remember hearing an NPR piece a few years ago saying that a lot of these cases were people who hit the technical (strained) definitions of these crimes but were left with huge sentences because they weren't really involved and couldn't bargain their sentence away with information. The part I remember was a woman who was technically guilty of trafficking because she took a phone message for her drug dealing boyfriend but since she wasn't otherwise involved in her boyfriend's crimes she ended up going to jail for a much longer sentence than her boyfriend. I'm surprised John didn't mention things like that... and I wish I remembered to look up that story online after I heard it.

[kingshearte]

The first time I encountered AM ads was when they used to air when I watched... I don't even remember. Next Gen reruns on Spike, I think. Usually right after extraordinarily annoying back-to-back ads for some male enhancement drug. Apparently Spike did not believe that university-aged women could possibly be watching Star Trek reruns.

 

Anyway, the ads I remember were much more subtle than that thing, such that you almost had to know what the ad was for in order to know what the ad was for. That ad, with that song... Good grief. If I were looking for somewhere to meet extra-marital affairs, I think that song, if it was a legit ad that the company actually aired, would convince me that AM was not the right spot for me. It doesn't exactly inspire confidence or present an impression of any sort of professionalism from the site.

 

As for the Canadian-skewering, I'm born and raised here (in Ottawa, in fact), know very few people named Gordon, have only once encountered a moose, and am pretty sure I don't have a wildly obvious "Canadian" accent. But I still thought it was hilarious. Especially the Ottawa-specific stuff. I wouldn't personally go so far as to call it some of the mean names he used, but it definitely can be a place that fun forgot, "technically beautiful" was beyond stupid, and the place is full of snow all winter that can get pretty gross by the end of the season. If those numbers really are any sort of accurate, though, I can't help but wonder who in my acquaintance is on AM. Which, frankly, is not something I need to know about pretty much anyone I know. So thanks for all those mental images, John.

[sconstant]

The Canadian accent exists, though it's exaggerated here.  Ever since listening to EHG regularly and hearing the occasional Canadianisms, I've been ears-up for Canadian accents.  I now will occasionally, when watching news or sports news with my husband, accuse random people on TV of being Canadian, with about 90% accuracy (and the failure rate is usually people from near-Canadian bits of the US.)

[dusang]

I'm just listening to the Slate Money podcast discuss the Ashley Madison debacle and the woman just gave the explanation for some of her friends using the site that they don't want to leave their husbands because they don't want their kids to have a broken home.  Actually, her words were for "their kids to feel loved".  Because it's soooo much healthier for a child to grow up with two parents who are unhappy and cheating on each other.  That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

[Jamoche]

And then I found the one geared towards women and based on an old School House Rock tune (not kidding) ...and then for the first time in the history of youtube, the comments were among the most entertaining things I've read in ages.    

 

Link, please!

 

The first time I saw an Ashley Madison ad I thought their marketing department was nuts - here's an site with a completely innocent sounding name, something that if it popped up in your shared computer's search history you wouldn't bother looking at it, and then they run very memorable ads that make it really obvious what it's for.

[vibeology]

As an Ottawa girl, the most offensive thing about the AM segment was that John referred to dirty river ice when in fact that was dirty canal ice. Also, everyone in Ottawa knows that the Rideau Canal is the worlds largest outdoor skating rink. It was funny and made me laugh to see someone have a go at my town since we are the place that fun forgot.

[Victor the Crab]

When I was living in Toronto twenty odd years ago, I went to a house party where the girl who threw it had some African American friends from Pennsylvania visiting her. They were all heavily into the urban American hip-hop culture and talked and acted as such.

 

And they spent the night laughing at our Canadian accents!

 

The grass is always weirder on the other side.

[stillshimpy]

Link, please!

 

Here you go, and may your brain forgive me for introducing you to this:  

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vfu4WGPZo7c

 

 

For the record it was the comments on the "Looking for Someone Other than My Wife" commercial that had me rolling.  The ones for the "Holy Jesus, is that a schoolhouse rock tune?? Burn, burn, double-burn.  Boil in the acids of hell!" type of comments on this one were pretty straightforwardly "I am a Victorian Lady.  With Internet Access.  Yes, I live a complicated life and am disgusted as well as being prone to a disturbing number of spelling errors."  

Edited July 28, 2015 by stillshimpy

[Neurochick]

I found the mandatory minimums segment heartbreaking. I mean how can a drug dealer go to prison longer than a terrorist or a child rapist?

[attica]

how can a drug dealer go to prison longer than a terrorist or a child rapist?

 

Drugs're bad, mmkay?

[OneWhoLurks]

The Justice Department is preparing to release roughly 6,000 inmates from federal prisons starting at the end of this month as part of an effort to ease overcrowding and roll back the harsh penalties given to nonviolent drug dealers in the 1980s and ’90s, according to federal law enforcement officials.

 

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/07/us/us-to-release-6000-inmates-under-new-sentencing-guidelines.html?action=click&contentCollection=Media&module=MostPopularFB&version=Full&region=Marginalia&src=me&pgtype=article