S11.E01: Week 1, Part 1

[Padma]

Why can't we know what these guys really do (like "chronically unemployed")? The "amateur sex therapist" is the weirdest non-job ever. I thought it meant, "I watch a lot of porn on the internet". And when he was saying gross and inappropriate things to Britt about anal sex toys (what?), didn't he explain "amateur" as meaning that "I haven't experienced these things yet so I can't coach people until I have"?

 

Do the producers hate these two? This has got to be the most awkward and degrading set-up in B-ette history, and the worst collection of men ever.  Only a handful seem even potentially date-able, much less "the man of my dreams". (I did love the guy who did the drawing of CH on a triceratops--but only because of the drawing. I have no idea about him at all, but at least he brought a wonderful gift.)

 

If Kaitlyn "wins", she will also be the least interesting and least attractive bachelorette ever, and that includes Jen Scheft who had so many great guys and couldn't have cared less.  If it turns out to be Britt, at least I'll be able to watch, because I prefer her fake perfectly mannered self control over Kaitlyn's nervousness and inappropriateness. But with that kind of opener, and that group of men (half of whom probably didn't even want to stay after they lost the vote), I just can't see this being much of a season. 

[JoannKB]

Just saw the cupcake cars at Maker Faire last weekend! You can see them at

http://makerfaire.com/maker/entry/50473/

My kids loved them, but if a grown man came up to me in one to woo me....not so much.

[jordanpond]

I wish they would have kept both bachelorettes for the whole season. Even though they aren't the best of friends, I think the whole season, and especially the first night, would be a lot more fun that way.

This was the first time that I ever thought those silly gimmicks right out of the limo worked. They usually seem terribly awkward with two people, but with three, they looked like a lot more fun.

[Rhondinella]

I'm only now getting to watch last night's episode, and OMG I hate both these women.  If you'd asked me at the end of last season which I'd want to be Bachelorette I would have said Kaitlyn because, even though her duck lips grated on me from the beginning,  Britt bugged the hell out of me with her emotional neediness.  But so far in this ep?  I honestly think I'd enjoy watching Britt more than Kaitlyn, in a death is not an option kinda way.  At least Britt would be entertaining I think.  Not sure Kaitlyn would.

 

Having said that, I wouldn't say I've "liked" any of the Bachelorettes in the past either (maybe Jillian), but I don't remember actively disliking any.  I really, really dislike both of these.

[violetr]

Man, I really don't like Britt. Everyone's already said it, but she comes off as such a phoney baloney. I guess the compassionate way to look at it is to assume that she's bought into the b.s. idea that you have to fawn all over a guy and pretend to be into whatever he's into in order to get men to like you. Super lame and sad. Team Kaitlyn! I'll take awkward and ambivalent over fakey fakerson any day.

Edited May 19, 2015 by violetr

[Rhondinella]

So, we're all going to call Ben H "Peter Brady" all season, right?  Helps cut down on the name confusion.

[Cecily]

I don't care for Britt or Kaitlyn. But I don't care as long as I'm entertained by them, and I think either will do in that department. The only season I skipped altogether was Desiree's, because that girl was total snoozeville. But I'm kind of entertained by Britt's fakeness and bawling, and by Kaitlyn's tacky remarks and lame jokes.

 

As for the guys, I just remember the drunk, the dentist, the stripperlawyer the healer, the sex coach, the Gosling and the black daddy with the bad hairdo. None of them seemed like much of a catch. But they'll probably grow on me.

 

Oh, who am I kidding, they probably won't. But I'll watch anyway, cause I'm just that dumb og trash-TV-needy.

[NikSac]

About the bruise on the one guy -  did notice some kind of mark but wondered if it's just a face shape thing. When my husband was born forceps were involved and he's got a permanent 'mark' near one eye that looks like a bruise or even a black eye from certain angles. I wondered if that's what was up with this guy too.

The career descriptions always entertain me on this show. I assume most of them are either unemployed or in some sort of career that's easy to walk away from for weeks, so that's probably why they get such odd ones.

I love the idea of the guys coming up with all kinds of obscure passions to see what Britt can come up with.  That would be hilarious!  If she's chosen I bet we'll get some of those moments.

 

JJ with the "puck" joke cracked me up.

 

I can't remembere his name but I liked the welder guy. It would've been cool if he brought that rose to the first night.

 

The cupcake car was so weird. I can see it fitting in on a few Food Network shows, but it was a bizarre choice for The Bachelorette.

 

I think I'd rather watch Kaitlyn over Britt, but I don't really care all that much who 'wins.'  I kind of want to see Britt lose just because she was such a snob acting like she's sure it'll be her.

[saber5055]

I have no idea about him at all, but at least he brought a wonderful gift.

 

 

Yeah, a wonderful gift for Chris Harrison. A clue, maybe? CH is single, after all.

[leighdear]

I really don't think this is a spoiler, but Tony the plant-talker has a public Instagram account & posted a pic of his black eye.  It was a small accident, no big deal.  

[JenE4]

I really don't think this is a spoiler, but Tony the plant-talker has a public Instagram account & posted a pic of his black eye. It was a small accident, no big deal.

I presumed he fell on his face doing a yoga inversion. Or got kicked in eye while healing someone, as his healing consists of pulling people's legs by his head, from what we saw.

[NikSac]

I'm just finishing up watching the show finally - takes awhile when it's DVR'd and 2 hours long.  I am so curious what cologne that one guy wears. I am not 100% sure but I think the guy Britt said smelled really good when he got out of the limo was the same guy the Kaitlyn later said "you smell delightful" about when they had their one on one time at the cocktail party. I have to think either the rest of them smell really bad, or he must have some awesome cologne.

[leighdear]

JenE4, actually he took a header down a hill while walking his dog.  *LOL*

[Andromeda]

I watched the show today on DVR so my thought about Ryan is that the reason they showed him the way out is that he....messed up the rose and did not 'vote' for either Bachelorette.  I think that and that alone is why he was sent away.  We've seen drunks insult everyone around them, go into the pool, etc.  But we've never seen someone destroy the rose.  Serious stuff.  Good-bye (I am glad he's out and it bothered me how he was touching both women, but seriously it's the rose....)

I agree. the straw that broke Production's back was him knocking one of the b'ette's portraits off the wall and then destroying his rose instead of voting. You don't mess with the sets, people! They're sacred!

 

You will notice, however, Britt did NOT mold herself to the sex coach guy shown in the final scene. So there's that in her defense. Editing, it's all editing, people.

Editing is the universal excuse used by reality TV show people who don't like how people react to them. But yes, props to Britt for not pretending she was into the sex-toy talk.

 

Man, I really don't like Britt. Everyone's already said it, but she comes off as such a phoney baloney. I guess the compassionate way to look at it is to assume that she's bought into the b.s. idea that you have to fawn all over a guy and pretend to be into whatever he's into in order to get men to like you. Super lame and sad. Team Kaitlyn! I'll take awkward and ambivalent over fakey fakerson any day.

Yeah, like most of us here, I'm into a lot of different things, or know about a lot of things in a general way, but what bugs about Britt is her over-the-top gushing over every topic or subject. My husband is coming with me on a three-day business trip specifically so he can go to three MLB games -- ones he could just as easily watch at home on his MLB subscription channel. That is someone who "loves baseball." Enjoying the occasional game with friends out -- and paying attention only when the crowd cues you that something important happened -- is hardly in the same league (league, huh.) It's disingenuous. At least in the baseball conversation Britt started to dial it back a notch and explain the level of her "love" as a more realistic casual enjoyment (like the other contestants for Chris Soules did when the topic of Arlington came up, as opposed to Britt's gushing.)

 

I got a kick out of the conversation Kaitlyn had with one of the guys where he said he had a niece and a nephew, and Kaitlyn said "Me, too!" Then they pretended the names were the same, playing off the idea of having "so much in common" on a first meeting. It was cute.

 

I also noticed one guy call Britt "the Disney princess" when he met her. That's what I thought she looked like in her promo pictures.

Edited May 20, 2015 by Andromeda

[JenE4]

So, we're all going to call Ben H "Peter Brady" all season, right? Helps cut down on the name confusion.

I didn't know who Ben was but, oh my god, saw a quick pan by in a group shot and Peter Brady doppelganger it is! So we have a poor man's Ryan Gossling, a Peter Brady, anyone else? Oh yeah, chubby Ian Zeiring the amateur sex coach.

Edited May 20, 2015 by JenE4

[Mu Shu]

Wow, there sure a lot of average to homely guys this go round. 

 

Lawyer/stripper:  Magic Mike's homely cousin who cooks meth to get by  because his tips are paltry.   God, those ugly tattoos.

NewAgeNarcissisticDouche: Namaste.   Now sit your wormy ass down and shut the fuck up.  Also?   You oogly. 

Guy who looks like young Peter Brady/Donny Osmond:  Eh, nothing to say except he looks like those two, IMO.

Bizarro Ashton Kutcher:  You're single because you're a child who cannot compromise, not because you are so selective and unwilling to settle.  Also?   You oogly.

Brady/Grady?:  He's 45, right?   Awful singer.

Kupah?   He's 45 as well, right? 

 

Drunk guy:   We did this last season.   Though his indignant  "your car SUCKS!" was funny, because it did.

Amatuer sex coach?   WTF?  Ian Ziering's unemployed, window peeping cousin.

Guy with Donald Trump's hair.    just mentioning that fact.

 

Kentucky guy looks like an elf, but I dig him.   I think he may actually have a steady income stream.

Ian has a nice smile, but seems a bit intense.

[NikSac]

Editing is the universal excuse used by reality TV show people who don't like how people react to them. But yes, props to Britt for not pretending she was into the sex-toy talk.

 

Yeah, like most of us here, I'm into a lot of different things, or know about a lot of things in a general way, but what bugs about Britt is her over-the-top gushing over every topic or subject. My husband is coming with me on a three-day business trip specifically so he can go to three MLB games -- ones he could just as easily watch at home on his MLB subscription channel. That is someone who "loves baseball." Enjoying the occasional game with friends out -- and paying attention only when the crowd cues you that something important happened -- is hardly in the same league (league, huh.) It's disingenuous. At least in the baseball conversation Britt started to dial it back a notch and explain the level of her "love" as a more realistic casual enjoyment (like the other contestants for Chris Soules did when the topic of Arlington came up, as opposed to Britt's gushing.)

 

I got a kick out of the conversation Kaitlyn had with one of the guys where he said he had a niece and a nephew, and Kaitlyn said "Me, too!" Then they pretended the names were the same, playing off the idea of having "so much in common" on a first meeting. It was cute.

 

I also noticed one guy call Britt "the Disney princess" when he met her. That's what I thought she looked like in her promo pictures.

 

(sorry for lack of names on the men, I'm still having a hard time sorting them out)

 

I so agree on Britt. She's just TOO over the top about everything, and no one is that that passionate about that many things. Familiar, yes, but over the top gushing about it, no. It's especially bad when it's stuff she wasn't interested in 15 minutes earlier (in show time - probably more like a few hours in real time). You're right, she does deserve some small amount of credit for not getting all "I love anal sex toys, they're my favorite!" when that guy was talking. I guess even she has her limits about her new favorite thing that she just loooooves.

 

I liked Kaitlyn's conversation with the guy about the nieces/nephews too. I halfway wondered if they were making fun of Britt's "oh me too!!!" responses to everything. Even if not it was a cute way to joke during the inevitably awkward conversation.

 

When the one guy said "Disney princess" I was wondering if he was mistaking one of the women for Jade, because of the Disney date with Chris on the last Bachelor season. Neither one really looks like Jade to me, but I can see it if the guy only halfway watched and knew the ladies were from Chris' season.

[Mu Shu]

Oh, and I just had to add that Chris Hansen is so gangster he rides a fucking Triceratops.

[MakeMeLaugh]

I didn't know who Ben was but, oh my god, saw a quick pan by in a group shot and Peter Brady doppelganger it is! So we have a poor man's Ryan Gossling, a Peter Brady, anyone else? Oh yeah, chubby Ian Zeiring the amateur sex coach.

Let's not overlook Ben Z, who is Scott Foley lite!

[Rhondinella]

One of the African-American guys (sorry, I don't remember any of their names--but I don't remember  most of the white guys' names either) from some angles is a pretty close substitute for LL Cool J.  RS pointed this out but I didn't really see it until tonight.

[MakeMeLaugh]

One more--Tony the Healer is Crispin Glover.

[Mu Shu]

One more--Tony the Healer is Crispin Glover.

I had him as Keith (Kenny?) Urban's ugly cousin, but Crispin Glover's equally ugly brother works for me.

[halkatla]

So, watching this was, on the scale of 1-10, a billion times more fun for me than the usual bachelor/ette fare. Most of the guys also seemed very handsome, more so than in previous seasons I think, especially the Shawn who liked Kaitlyn and showed her some kid´s drawing. And maybe the dentist. The welder seemed to have a good personality. I wish there could be 2 bachelorette camps, so neither one would be hurt, they´re both okay for the job, even though Kaitlyn has more substance and I like her way more. Britt is always so over excited, like when the men were telling her they had kids, she was about to explode from excitement. I would be like: "yeah okay that´s nice". Someone up thread said the healer was creepy and I must agree, he´s a very promising weirdo (but I doubt he gets to stay long). The singer/songwriter had a horrifying intro but when he was in the house and talking to Britt he seemed genuine. Not at all like the Wes 2.0 I thought he would be.

[Bugs Meany]

I heard Kaitlyn say they were swallows, the only bird that knows how to return home (like the famous San Juan Capistrano swallows). Clearly they're swallows from the shape.

She definitely said doves.

 

Britt and her "BASEBALL? I LOVE BASEBALL! Well...I love the social aspect of it." Gag.

 

Not to get too OT, but I loved that she admitted that. (Many/most people aren't into the actual sport. Proof: unlike football and basketball, no one watches college baseball.) The fake thing would have been to pretend she even watches it on TV by herself.

ETA: total coincidence that I'm double-quoting you.

Edited May 23, 2015 by Bugs Meany

[saber5055]

She definitely said doves.

 

 

As a side note, the common pigeon is a dove, a rock dove.

[Shibori]

She definitely said doves. 

Nope, she never says what kind of bird it is, at least not in what we see. I still had it on DVR and went back to check. It's right around the hour and 25 minute mark from the first night. Kaitlyn says about the tattoo and Chris, "He never asked me once." Then it cuts to her saying, "they're the only bird that remember how to fly home". She never says doves or swallows.

[leighdear]

You're right, Shibori.  I just played that part back, as I never actually listened to what she said the first time.  *LOL*  Doves are what they were identified as in People magazine and other media sources. 

[Andromeda]

She definitely said doves.

 

 

Not to get too OT, but I loved that she admitted that. (Many/most people aren't into the actual sport. Proof: unlike football and basketball, no one watches college baseball.) The fake thing would have been to pretend she even watches it on TV by herself.

ETA: total coincidence that I'm double-quoting you.

I agree, it was good she explained the actual depth of her interest in baseball. But she preceded it with a dramatic, gushing "I LOVE baseball!" -- a real eye-roller, because she does it about virtually every topic (with the exception of sex toys -- not a high bar, that.)

 

Nope, she never says what kind of bird it is, at least not in what we see. I still had it on DVR and went back to check. It's right around the hour and 25 minute mark from the first night. Kaitlyn says about the tattoo and Chris, "He never asked me once." Then it cuts to her saying, "they're the only bird that remember how to fly home". She never says doves or swallows.

Thanks, Shibori, for doing the yeoman's work of reporting what she actually said.

[Mu Shu]

God, how I wish she had pulled a Jessco White and said those tattoos were "doobies", or the "Grand Weeper" (Grim Weeper).    Well, speaking of Jessco, it's time I got me a double super buzz in anticipation of the night's festivities.

[jordanpond]

I don't recall all the details, but when the "double bachelor" evening was done about 10 years ago, the show had a whole different tone to it. The two men seemed to be having a lot of fun in their roles s potential bachelors, and the women played the usual role of hoping to see potential with at least one of the two men. It was actually fun to watch!

Yet, rather than this being a night of great fun for Britt and Kaitlyn,as it had been for the double bachelors (after all, Kaitlyn and Britt both were "the bachelorette", at least for one evening), the tone of the show was so desperate for the women. I wish that both of the women had embraced the evening with a sense of confidence and fun, rather than looking so insecure. Of course, production made it much worse, by repeating 5 or 6 times any insecure thing either woman said.

How much more fun this episode would have been for me if the women had just held their heads high and been determined to have fun. They were the stars of the show, and they both came off desperate.

Edited May 27, 2015 by jordanpond

[ByTor]

I call shenanigans on drunk Ryan.  I just find it really hard to believe production would allow him to go in the pool if he were that wasted, that would be an accident/lawsuit waiting to happen.  And he sure sobered right up when Chris told him to go home...no slurred speech, no "you're a douchebag" arguing, just "ok."

[aradia22]

I'm not a big Bachelor/Bachelorette person but the summer's a slow time and I'm a little curious because I like the Right Reasons podcast. I do not like the change up in the power dynamic with the men making the decision between the two women. What's the point of this being the Bachelorette then? All this "change is never easy" stuff is so stupid to me given the show's controversy over racially diverse casting... let's not even get into sexual orientation.

 

My impression from the intro is that Brit is the prettier one. Kaitlyn seems better for the show because she'll talk a lot. However, I feel like she might irritate me.

 

I think Jonathan from Detroit is one of the more attractive guys but his video intro was too much like Joe Lo Truglio's character on Burning Love for me to take him seriously.

 

Joshua the industrial welder is also pretty cute. I don't know if he's wealthy enough but I just based on this VT I could see him being the next Bachelor. That rose? Come on now.

 

Ian from LA has a very good story.

 

Oh, lord. Tony. I can't. I do kind of want him to stick around though. Especially if he keeps kissing plants and being a weirdo.

 

Ben Z. the personal trainer is a nice middle of the road casting choice.

 

I love the greetings as they exit the limos. They're so damn awkward.

 

Ben H., Clint, Corey, and dentist Chris stood out as the other attractive guys in the group. I mention it because if watching season 2 of Burning Love taught me anything, it's that being a Blaze can take you very far.

 

The hot tub car made me laugh largely because of the sound effect they added to go along with it. Good job, editors. It seemed like a terrible idea to spend the night of filming soaking wet though.

 

I agree on the thing Kaitlyn was doing with her mouth. It was distracting and it made it seem like she was in a bad mood instead of nervous. I think the overly shiny lip gloss might have contributed to the problem.

 

Jonathan's comment about moving to Utah was silly enough to make me laugh.

 

I think there's something a little comforting in this crazy experience that excluding people who are "here for the wrong reasons" you can at least assume that most of them are into you. Having two Bachelorettes eliminates that comfort. 

 

On the one hand, I love that they cut a rose shaped hole in the voting boxes. On the other hand, it would have been hilarious to watch them try to stuff the roses into the boxes... and then have harried interns try and count the mashed up roses.

 

I'm completely with Britt on calling Tanner out for the tissues.