Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[KittyMom4]

21 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

There's one of my pet peeves, prices with random cents.  I have never once thought I was getting a steal because an item was priced at $14.95 or $14.99 instead of $15.00.  In my head, I see fifteen bucks and plan accordingly. 

OMG yes!!! Just stop with the .99 already! 

[Quof]

14 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

But you also said customers place their orders via the QR code.  Those of us without smartphones don't have that ability

I said this was new to me - ordering by QR code. Every other place I have encountered a QR menu, I still had a human come to my table to talk about what I wanted to order.  And I could have requested a paper menu if I wanted or needed one.

I assume Black Tap Burger on 35th Street (I'm still naming them) would have figured out how to give a menu to, and take an order from, a person who didn't have a smartphone.  But there was nothing about this place that told me when I entered that I would receive essentially no human service, so I assumed sitting down and then ordering meant it was a traditional table service restaurant, where tips are expected because of the wage structure. The only difference between Black Tap and the nearby Smashburger was that I stood up to place my order (at the counter) before someone brought it to my table once it was ready.  I didn't tip at Smashburger because it was clearly a fast food restaurant. And SB's food was better.

[oliviabenson]

I just tried smash burger last week! I really liked it! Especially the tator tots.

[Laura Holt]

Just had someone at the door trying to sell us these camera things you can buy to film the front of your house.  She started with the scare tactics and said about a million words in two minutes - all of them about reports of bad things happening in my neighbourhood.  Nice try, scary sales lady.  No place is entirely safe, I get that.  But I am living in a small town, the kind of town where a wheelbarrrow being stolen out of someone's backyard is front page news.  

[Laura Holt]

I'm trying to be a good sport about the road works near my house - like I have a choice? - but today it's been just awful.  Normally I work in my basement office but if the house is going to shake and make weird noises I'd rather be upstairs near an exit thank you very much!  Latest word on when it will finish is first week of August.  Since we have a bank holiday coming up I have my doubts about that. Sigh.

[kristen111]

On 7/25/2023 at 2:13 PM, peacheslatour said:

This is like my dad. He joined the Air Force to avoid ending up at the foundry like most of his friends. The Air Force was great to him. They put him in Intelligence and sent him to Yale. He did end up going to Korea as a translator because Yale taught him Chinese. When he got out he got the G.I Bill which allowed him to go to Pen State to finish his education.

PSU .. My daughter graduated there .. now her Son will be going there this August.  We will be visiting.  My husband served twice in the Army.  Germany for 18 mos, then they called him back for the Cuban Crisis for another year.  He still wears his hat.

Edited July 28, 2023 by kristen111

[Cloud9Shopper]

People who don’t understand the point of fiction or try to gatekeep it. 

So I write fanfic as a hobby and tonight I shared the new chapter of the story I’m working on. One of my two regular readers (it’s a smaller fandom so not much of a fanbase to speak of unless you write one specific popular pairing) sent me a message after reading the chapter and said one of the scenes was “a little too idealistic.” I was just like um OK? Isn’t that kind of the point of fiction? What fictional TV show or movie have you ever seen that was 100% realistic? Go ahead; I’ll wait. 

I have also shared story ideas in the past only for people to respond with “oh someone already did that” (meanwhile it’s not as if even Hollywood has all original ideas these days) and when I shared my idea for an alternate universe* story, someone said “Oh I can’t see this character as that occupation.” Great. Then if I write it don’t look at it then. I mean, I’m not really in any popular fandom cliques or anything so I have a small audience and I get even more sensitive when people gripe about my writing or other ideas. You can scroll past or click out if you don’t enjoy it. Easy enough. 

*For those not familiar with fanfic, an alternate universe story is when you take characters from a show and put them in a different setting or different occupations. So, for example, they meet as high schoolers rather than adults working as detectives, or they work in a coffee shop instead of a hospital, or you can put characters from this century in the 1950s, and so on…

Edited July 28, 2023 by Cloud9Shopper

[Ohiopirate02]

9 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

People who don’t understand the point of fiction or try to gatekeep it. 

So I write fanfic as a hobby and tonight I shared the new chapter of the story I’m working on. One of my two regular readers (it’s a smaller fandom so not much of a fanbase to speak of unless you write one specific popular pairing) sent me a message after reading the chapter and said one of the scenes was “a little too idealistic.” I was just like um OK? Isn’t that kind of the point of fiction? What fictional TV show or movie have you ever seen that was 100% realistic? Go ahead; I’ll wait. 

 

There is a place in fiction for realistic, gritty, depressing, etc. and that is literary fiction.  Fan fiction not so much.  But, I will say that I only ever seek out lighter or smuttier fare when reading FF.  I do not want to read depressing hurt/comfort stories, and I also do not do any M/M slash fiction unless I know the writer is a gay man.  

 

9 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I have also shared story ideas in the past only for people to respond with “oh someone already did that”

I'm laughing to myself over here on this one.  Because, it's a genre where you are using the IP of others to craft new stories and explore other avenues than what the creators did.  I do not seek out fan fiction for originality.

[Cloud9Shopper]

I write both fluff and angsty or hurt/comfort stories. There’s a place for all of it in fanfic and it pushes me in different ways. Makes me wonder if some writers are just insecure and more concerned with persevering their “place” in a clique or their “status” as a fanfic writer that they think that no one else can possibly write something similar to what they wrote or another writer they like wrote. The self-importance is mind blowing sometimes. 

[Ohiopirate02]

25 minutes ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I write both fluff and angsty or hurt/comfort stories. There’s a place for all of it in fanfic and it pushes me in different ways. Makes me wonder if some writers are just insecure and more concerned with persevering their “place” in a clique or their “status” as a fanfic writer that they think that no one else can possibly write something similar to what they wrote or another writer they like wrote. The self-importance is mind blowing sometimes. 

I do think there is a subset of readers who want every single story to be tailored to their tastes and are vocal about it.  They are incapable of realizing "this story/book is not for me" and moving on.  I've never gotten into the fan fiction community only lurked in the comments of the various stories I was reading at the time.  I really never found "my people" and was therefore never comfortable voicing my opinion.  

[partofme]

21 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

One of my two regular readers (it’s a smaller fandom so not much of a fanbase to speak of unless you write one specific popular pairing) sent me a message after reading the chapter and said one of the scenes was “a little too idealistic.” I was just like um OK? Isn’t that kind of the point of fiction? What fictional TV show or movie have you ever seen that was 100% realistic? Go ahead; I’ll wait. 

Hmm that’s odd, I’m sorry you encounter things like this.   I read fanfic and don’t write it and I only ever find positive things to write about even if I don’t love a chapter or a story I try to find something positive I can say to encourage them to continue writing.   I’m kind of lucky in that while I consider the fandom I read to be on the more obscure side, there are still two active writers even though the show has been off the year for eight years now and I only discovered it three years ago.  There do seem to be a fair number of reviewers which I hope encourages them to keep writing, I’m grateful for the updates but they’re not fast enough for me and I’ve recently wondered if I could get AI to write fanfic for me.  

Edited July 29, 2023 by partofme

[BlueSkies]

The hot weather is really awful.

 

What makes it the worst for me is it is hard to breathe in it.  I'm very much a person that feels tense/anxious if I dont take deep breaths 

[peacheslatour]

30 minutes ago, BlueSkies said:

The hot weather is really awful.

 

What makes it the worst for me is it is hard to breathe in it.  I'm very much a person that feels tense/anxious if I dont take deep breaths 

Same.

[roseha]

Deleted - I think I put this in the wrong place

Edited July 29, 2023 by roseha

[ginger90]

On 7/27/2023 at 11:41 PM, Cloud9Shopper said:

So I write fanfic as a hobby and tonight I shared the new chapter of the story I’m working on.

I haven’t a clue about this. The place you present this, is the purpose to be critiqued, and  comments are what is expected?

[Laura Holt]

Today's peeve - people who make up crap because it's easier than just looking it up.  That's not a big deal if it's about a celebrity or some trivial issue but my cousin was just bitching to me because her husband "insists" on helping his mother meet her expenses in a retirement community.  According to my cousin her govt pensions (she is entitled to OAS and CPP)** should more than cover this.  Dear god, no.  She doesn't need to take my word for this, or even her husband's or MILs, the amounts you are entitled to are public info and available to anyone.   

Anyway I reached breaking point in this conversation and said "well I think it's so kind of you to want to give her a place to live in your own home".  Needless to say that is not what she wants to do but it did end the conversation!

*OAS is the same for everyone but CPP is based on what you contributed during your working life but maxes out at a certain amount, somewhere around $1400 but again this is the maximum and most people don't get that much.

[ABay]

On 7/28/2023 at 9:23 AM, Ohiopirate02 said:

...and I also do not do any M/M slash fiction unless I know the writer is a gay man. 

Slash is my kink; I'm not looking to fan fic for a documentary on how gay men have sex. To the extent I know the gender of the writer, I find that female writers are more likely to deliver the emotional punch I'm looking for. As long as the seduction bit is there and the anatomical aspects aren't completely outlandish, I can overlook improbabilities.

[Bastet]

On 7/29/2023 at 8:30 AM, ginger90 said:

I haven’t a clue about this. The place you present this, is the purpose to be critiqued, and  comments are what is expected?

The only time I ever read fanfic was back in the X-Files days - and I read a lot of it then - and the stories were mostly just posted to websites; there was no opportunity for feedback (unless someone wanted to email the author).  I just remembered, though, there was a usenet group, where authors would, I assume, receive comments (I never went there, just to the one for the show itself).  A significant percentage of the stories were downright terrible writing, so it might be a good thing the stories just stood alone, without being followed by a long list of comments.

When XF was revived for season ten, I perused some stories on two sites recommended in the show's forum - I know one was fanfiction.net but don't remember the other - and on both of those, there were fields for submitting comments and readers were encouraged to do so.  (I never did; it turned out I wasn't into it at all anymore, and didn't wind up reading very many stories -- even though the average level of writing skills seemed to have increased considerably since the days of the old Gossamer repository of XF stories.)  So it seems these days the answer is yes, but I'll let someone who actually knows about that world take over from here about what form feedback is expected to take.

Edited July 31, 2023 by Bastet

[ginger90]

39 minutes ago, Bastet said:

The only time I ever read fanfic was back in the X-Files days - and I read a lot of it then - and the stories were mostly just posted to websites; there was no opportunity feedback (unless someone wanted to email the author).  I just remembered there was a usenet group, where authors would, I assume, receive comments (I never went there, just to the one for the show itself).  A significant percentage of the stories were downright terrible writing, so it might be a good thing the stories just stood alone, without being followed by a long list of comments.

When XF was revived for season ten, I perused some stories on two sites recommended in the show's forum - I know one was fanfiction.net but don't remember the other - and on both of those, there were fields for submitting comments and readers were encouraged to do so.  (I never did; it turned out I wasn't into it at all anymore, and didn't wind up reading very many stories -- even though the average level of writing skills seemed to have increased considerably since the days of the old Gossamer repository of XF stories.)  So it seems these days the answer is yes, but I'll let someone who actually knows about that world take over from here about what form feedback is expected to take.

Thank you so much for the response. Much appreciated!

[Annber03]

On 7/29/2023 at 10:30 AM, ginger90 said:

I haven’t a clue about this. The place you present this, is the purpose to be critiqued, and  comments are what is expected?

It varies from site to site. FF.net tends to view comments more as reviews, and they even have a thing on the site stating that not every comment may be positive, that critique is to be expected (but also should be respectful). 

On AO3, comments are seen as comments, and any sort of critique of any sort is generally frowned upon there. If one does want critique, they have to actually say so somewhere in any notes they put at the beginning or end of the fic. 

I don't know how other fic sites work in that regard - the above two are the only ones I use. But yeah, the comment culture can vary depending on where you go. 

Personally, I wouldn't automatically take some of the above mentioned comments from readers as a slight. I would just interpret that to mean that maybe that's how a fic read to them personally, or that they'd never really expected or thought about the idea of a character in a particular setting before, or whatever. But they might still be interested to see where the author takes the story anyway, precisely because it's so different/unexpected. I think sometimes people just don't always know how to phrase certain comments and things that they mean in a totally innocuous way can sometimes read awkwardly to some people. And I think, depending on the space one's in, if you put something out there, you are asking for opinions, and sometimes that means you may get opinions that aren't always positive (speaking of a general "you" here). 

Having said that, I also agree that some readers can be very demanding if a writer doesn't write a fic exactly to their preferences. And the idea of anyone saying that another writer already did an idea is laughable to me because...I mean...welcome to fanfiction? We're all working off the same source material, at some point similar ideas are going to pop up. Unless they're copying one's story word for word or something, there's really no problem. Ideas can't be copyrighted, nobody is ever going to come up with a purely completely original, never been done before idea (and that goes for professional stories, too), so...I don't know what exactly one's expecting in that regard when they get into fanfic. 

[Bastet]

19 hours ago, Annber03 said:

On AO3, comments are seen as comments, and any sort of critique of any sort is generally frowned upon there. If one does want critique, they have to actually say so somewhere in any notes they put at the beginning or end of the fic.

(I just looked up AO3, and that's the other site recommended when I went looking for updated XF fanfic -- Archive of Our Own; thanks!)

Even constructive criticism?  One has to specify they're open to anything, or it's understood to mean exclusively positive comments -- comments aren't simply comments, good and bad?  That sounds petty. 

I get that fanfic writers are providing free entertainment to their readers, but they're still publishing something for public consumption.  Should they not be prepared to, while ignoring the "Your story's stupid and you suck" type of feedback their stories might generate that serves no purpose and should be wholly ignored (and perhaps deleted based on site rules), receive feedback from said public which acknowledges successes but also notes flaws? 

I just can't imagine publishing something and realistically expecting nothing but positive feedback.  If encouragement is all someone is looking for, I think they ought to email the story to their friends.

Edited July 31, 2023 by Bastet

[Annber03]

Yep, even that kind of critique. Like you said, the attitude is that they're doing this for free/as a fun hobby, so they don't want critique.

Which, fine, if that's their choice, whatever, but yeah, then I see a lot of people wondering why nobody's reading/commenting on fic and while there can be all sorts of reasons for that that may have nothing to do with the story at all...maybe sometimes it does. Maybe something about the story is hard to read/confusing/dragging or whatever, and some critique might help make the story more readable and appealing.

But the authors who might want/need that critique will never know that if nobody's allowed to tell them without their say so. So then you've got writers frustrated that nobody's reading and readers not wanting to wade into that minefield and...yeah. 

To say nothing of how there have been people who have said they want critique, but they seem to think critique might be, "Oh, you spelled a word wrong here." instead of "Oh, you've got a plot hole in this part of your story" or whatever. They say they want it, but then get angry with people who give it, which has happened before. So you can't always even guarantee that people are sincere with their requests for that, either. 

I'm personally fine with critique and say so, but yeah, people just generally aren't inclined to give it. And to be fair, I think some people aren't always sure or good at knowing how to give honest critique, too, which is understandable. But if more people were allowed to give it, I dunno, maybe people would learn to hone that skill better? 

[Ohiopirate02]

6 hours ago, Bastet said:

I just can't imagine publishing something and realistically expecting nothing but positive feedback.  That seems like something one would email to a group of friends instead.

This has bled into publishing.  About once every 4 months some new author takes to social media to complain about reviews on Goodreads being less than 5 stars.  Over on the Books sub, there's a thread dedicated to Author Antics where we talk about these authors.  

[Cloud9Shopper]

I kind of still hate that in 2023 we have this mentality that a wedding is the bride’s day. My mom went to a wedding this weekend and all they could talk about how the day was the bride’s dream and it was her goal to meet someone and get married. Not that there is any shame in having that as a goal, but like…what about the groom? I’m sure he wanted to get married too; after all he proposed to her and presumably helped plan the wedding. She didn’t marry herself. 

I guess quite honestly it’s even worse because my mom said while the bride is a nice woman she does tend to seek and crave attention. It just perpetuates the stereotype. I went to a couple of weddings in recent years with brides who didn’t have this “it’s my day” attitude so it’s still one of those little eye roll-worthy things that we continue to act like only the bride matters and the second she gets an engagement ring the world needs to revolve around her. 

[PRgal]

1 hour ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

This has bled into publishing.  About once every 4 months some new author takes to social media to complain about reviews on Goodreads being less than 5 stars.  Over on the Books sub, there's a thread dedicated to Author Antics where we talk about these authors.  

That's sad.  I'm totally expecting bad reviews for my first kids' book, especially from people who think that it's not fitting the narrative of what they expect from books with "diverse characters" (i.e. culturally "other" or non-Anglo Protestant North American) types.

[Leeds]

Thank you for taking the time to write and post your entire entry.  I hope it's something you have/had copied and saved for whenever you want to respond to this perennial topic - whether here or elsewhere.

The only thing I would add is for people to think about the typical tipping culture in other countries, where if people tip at all, it is typically a minimal amount.  Why?  BECAUSE WAITERS ARE PAID A LIVING WAGE.  Sorry to yell, but in France for example, waiters can consider their jobs as a profession, are respected by their customers for what they do, and do not have to grovel or pretend to be your best friend in order to survive financially.  (This, of course, leads to American tourists complaining about surly, curt French waiters.)

Hope I'm not opening a whole nother can of worms!

On 7/26/2023 at 10:42 AM, StatisticalOutlier said:

Um, like they're using psychological manipulation?

THIS IS WHY TIPPING IS A RIDICULOUS SYSTEM.  Food service employers?  Pay your own goddamn employees, and charge customers a price that covers it.  Like every other business.

I disagree with tipping because the packaging was complicated--that's their job, and sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's easy. 

But you're right: there ARE people whose pay is based on receiving tips, and they're called "tipped employees" by the IRS.  And many of them DO make $2.13 an hour.  But nowadays, everybody is becoming a tipped employee and the public doesn't understand the difference.

The Chicago city council is considering eliminating the "sub-minimum wage" for tipped employees.  That will result in a $6/hour increase in tipped employees' hourly pay, and paid for by the employer and not via tips, so I'm (in theory) in favor of it. 

However...people.  People aren't going to understand this.  Currently, tips that waiters receive serve only to take the burden off their employers to pay them minimum wage.  Tips that counter-service employees receive are all gravy--they're already paid at least minimum wage.  That's why I don't think they should be tipped, or at least any tipping should be completely independent of tipping customs for sub-minimum wage waiters, and correspond to tipping employees at Best Buy, for example.

What should happen is that when waiters become "regular" employees, tipping should become optional, because the rationale for tipping (to make up for the sub-minimum wage they're paid) is no longer there.  But you know nobody's going to understand that, and will continue to tip 20% at table-service restaurants.  Plus, the restaurant will have to raise its prices to make up for the $6/hour extra they're having to pay the waitstaff, and people will be tipping even more because they base the tip on a percentage.

The waitstaff will benefit greatly, which I generally don't have a problem with at all, except when it's based on people's ignorance.

  On 7/25/2023 at 2:19 PM, Quof said:

In this place, you placed your order through the QR code too, no server came to explain any specials, or see if you had any questions.   Since it was table service, I felt obligated to add my usual 20% when I ordered.  Eventually a runner brought my food to the table, then disappeared.  There was no water offered, but there was a stand with pitchers and cups where customers served themselves. 

I think you need to adjust your definition of "table service."  Typically the differentiator is whether you order at the table and pay for your meal afterward, or order at a counter.  But now we have an evil hybrid--QR code at your table.  What you need to know is whether the employees are paid as "tipped employees," with a base pay that is less than minimum wage.  I would bet a bunch of money that at this place, they're not, in which case they're no different from employees at Taco Bell.  Is there a custom of tipping them 20%? 

  Quote

My gut reaction was to not leave a tip at all, because that's obnoxious. But I did hit the "other amount" and leave a more appropriate amount for the kids working there. 

I disagree that it's obnoxious.  It's resisting the psychological manipulation (by a computer, no less), and until everybody resists, people's wages in this one segment of the economy are going to continue to be dependent on how their skin color matches up with a customer's bias (could be good, could be bad), whether their big tits are attractive to a customer, the customer's mood at that moment, etc.

I freely admit that employers aren't necessarily paragons of fairness when it comes to paying their employees, but it has to be better than letting the whims and biases of individual customers determine people's pay.

  On 7/25/2023 at 4:03 PM, Quof said:

As I said, any restaurant I have been to that had a QR code menu also had paper menus if you wanted one.

But you also said customers place their orders via the QR code.  Those of us without smartphones don't have that ability. 

FWIW, Costco now has you order your $1.50 hot dog and soda via a kiosk, but the other day I saw someone go to the counter and have the person ring up his order and he paid cash.  But until I saw that happen, I assumed that if you didn't have a credit card, you just couldn't order. 

And one more thing about pricing.  It drives me crazy when I end up paying less than I expected.  If I take an item to the register that has a price tag of $24.99 on it and there's some undisclosed discount that brings it down to $15.99, at first I'm happy but then I'm mad because I was willing to pay $24.99. The store has given up $9 that I had "agreed" to give them. 

How many sales did they lose because someone saw $24.99 and didn't buy it, but would have if they knew the price was $15.99? 

Discounts are a way of driving sales, and when I paid $15.99 for something I was willing and expecting to pay $24.99 for, the discount served no purpose whatsoever.  Except for the store to lose money it would otherwise have earned.  And, ironically, to make me mad.

I think this feeds into why tipping irritates me so much.  Set a price for your goods based on your costs (including the wages YOU pay YOUR employees), tell the customers that price, and if the customer chooses to buy, they pay that price.  I just don't see what's wrong with this system.

P.S.  I told you not to get me started.  😀

Edited July 31, 2023 by Leeds

[BlueSkies]

I drink a lot of coffee and then water to keep from from getting dehydrated.

 

Perfect recipe to have to pee every 20 minutes 😅

Edited July 31, 2023 by BlueSkies

[Laura Holt]

Our next door neighbour is an 80 yr old woman who has her son and grandson living with her for the summer.  So guess who is outside as I type mowing the lawn?  She's told me before that she asks them to help out with this kind of thing and they always say "oh sure, tomorrow" Well we all know tomorrow never comes.  Totally none of my business and I have no intention of getting involved but in the immortal words of Penny from BBT "that just creams my corn".

[Ohiopirate02]

23 minutes ago, Laura Holt said:

Our next door neighbour is an 80 yr old woman who has her son and grandson living with her for the summer.  So guess who is outside as I type mowing the lawn?  She's told me before that she asks them to help out with this kind of thing and they always say "oh sure, tomorrow" Well we all know tomorrow never comes.  Totally none of my business and I have no intention of getting involved but in the immortal words of Penny from BBT "that just creams my corn".

I have two brothers.  Both of them were taught lawn maintenance by our late father.  In the last 10.5 years that I have lived here, one have them has also lived here.  There was even a year and half where both lived in town.  Guess which of my father's children mows the lawn the most, and also who has to rake the copious leaves in the fall?  If you guessed the one who was not trained in lawn maintenance, you would be correct.  

Though, when Worthless #1 does mow the lawn, he always leaves a mess.  Last month, he left the freezer door ajar and I came home to a puddle of water on the floor.

[partofme]

17 hours ago, Annber03 said:

On AO3, comments are seen as comments, and any sort of critique of any sort is generally frowned upon there.

I had no idea about this but that is odd to not allow critique.  Personally I prefer to leave positive feedback if I'm able to encourage the writers to keep writing, if I can't come up with something positive I really wouldn't bother leaving feedback at all.  For the fandom I read, I prefer ff.net so I don't really deal with AO3.  The fandom does have fics in AO3 but they're mostly slash which I have no interest in, I read the canon ship and for some reason those are mostly on ff.net for some reaosn.

[StatisticalOutlier]

I hate gofundme. 

A 17-year-old champion cyclocross bike racer got killed on Sunday when he was run over by a car, while training before heading for Glasgow for a competition.  (The killer is a 23-year-old woman who "moved to the shoulder" on the highway. Excessive speed, alcohol, and drugs are not suspected.  So probably looking at her phone--a rant for another day.)

So a gofundme has been set up for the kid's family.  The story I read said the initial goal was $75,000 but it had already received $86,000 by early Monday afternoon, about 24 hours after the accident.  I just checked the page and the goal has been raised to $100,000, and the amount is currently $99,833.  (Edit--it went to $100,058 while I was writing this post.)  (2nd edit:  $100,603.)

They wasted no time setting up the gofundme page--it was up on the same day he unexpectedly died.  (Set up by a friend with permission of the family.)  And what will the money be used for?  "The family will use any contributions as needed for support of moving through this tragic period and to honor his legacy."

Whatever happened to people giving memorial donations to a charity to "honor" the deceased?  We're now just throwing money at the survivors?   Everybody needs help moving through a tragedy, but not everyone is in the position of having people give them $100,000 to do so in a little over 24 hours. 

AND when I was handling memorial donations for a nonprofit, we would never divulge the amount of any gifts--people would never know if Person X donated $5 or $500.  (Families would sometimes ask, but we'd just say it's our policy not to divulge anything, including the total amount.) 

But you don't have to be anonymous on gofundme, and people can even click on "top donations" to see who cares the most about the family.  And if you choose to be anonymous, nobody, including the family, will know you shelled out at all. 

[Ohiopirate02]

3 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I hate gofundme. 

A 17-year-old champion cyclocross bike racer got killed on Sunday when he was run over by a car, while training before heading for Glasgow for a competition.  (The killer is a 23-year-old woman who "moved to the shoulder" on the highway. Excessive speed, alcohol, and drugs are not suspected.  So probably looking at her phone--a rant for another day.)

So a gofundme has been set up for the kid's family.  The story I read said the initial goal was $75,000 but it had already received $86,000 by early Monday afternoon, about 24 hours after the accident.  I just checked the page and the goal has been raised to $100,000, and the amount is currently $99,833.  (Edit--it went to $100,058 while I was writing this post.)  (2nd edit:  $100,603.)

They wasted no time setting up the gofundme page--it was up on the same day he unexpectedly died.  (Set up by a friend with permission of the family.)  And what will the money be used for?  "The family will use any contributions as needed for support of moving through this tragic period and to honor his legacy."

Whatever happened to people giving memorial donations to a charity to "honor" the deceased?  We're now just throwing money at the survivors?   Everybody needs help moving through a tragedy, but not everyone is in the position of having people give them $100,000 to do so in a little over 24 hours. 

AND when I was handling memorial donations for a nonprofit, we would never divulge the amount of any gifts--people would never know if Person X donated $5 or $500.  (Families would sometimes ask, but we'd just say it's our policy not to divulge anything, including the total amount.) 

But you don't have to be anonymous on gofundme, and people can even click on "top donations" to see who cares the most about the family.  And if you choose to be anonymous, nobody, including the family, will know you shelled out at all. 

I hate that people are forced to crowd source basic expenses in general.  Things like medical care and a basic funeral should not be so expensive that the average person cannot afford them.  That being said, $75,000 is a ridiculous starting figure.  

[StatisticalOutlier]

49 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

That being said, $75,000 is a ridiculous starting figure.  

Apparently ridiculously low.  They've added another $2,000 in the 45 minutes since I posted.

And I highly suspect this particular family isn't having trouble scraping together some coins for the funeral, or is facing medical costs (if any) without insurance.

[roseha]

In regard to the tipping discussion - I do tip, at least for taxis and waiter service, and housekeeping at hotels.

However, there is a way to handle it and a way NOT to.   I was in a modest coffee shop a couple of weeks ago (not really fancy although they have spiffed up the place lately) anyway I ordered a meal with coffee that came to 18.95.   The waiter brings me the check and as I am giving him $20 says "Do you want change?"

So either he thinks I am going to leave him a crummy $1.05 tip, or he thinks I'm going to stiff him?

I said quietly "No, I'll leave something".  Frankly I was embarrassed.

By the way I was paying cash due to having my credit cards hacked lately, but regardless, what kind of question is that?  I heard him ask it to the people next to me also.

[Quof]

Waiters will tell you they ask in order to be efficient, no point bringing back your change if you're just going to tell them to keep it.  But it really is just to prompt tipping.  They should simply say "I'll be right back with your change", so you can say "not necessary, thanks".

[Ohiopirate02]

7 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Apparently ridiculously low.  They've added another $2,000 in the 45 minutes since I posted.

And I highly suspect this particular family isn't having trouble scraping together some coins for the funeral, or is facing medical costs (if any) without insurance.

I see why the GoFundMe is doing so well, NPR picked up the story.  And their print article has a link to it.  

[theredhead77]

13 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I hate gofundme. 

A 17-year-old champion cyclocross bike racer got killed on Sunday when he was run over by a car, while training before heading for Glasgow for a competition.  (The killer is a 23-year-old woman who "moved to the shoulder" on the highway. Excessive speed, alcohol, and drugs are not suspected.  So probably looking at her phone--a rant for another day.)

So a gofundme has been set up for the kid's family.  The story I read said the initial goal was $75,000 but it had already received $86,000 by early Monday afternoon, about 24 hours after the accident.  I just checked the page and the goal has been raised to $100,000, and the amount is currently $99,833.  (Edit--it went to $100,058 while I was writing this post.)  (2nd edit:  $100,603.)

They wasted no time setting up the gofundme page--it was up on the same day he unexpectedly died.  (Set up by a friend with permission of the family.)  And what will the money be used for?  "The family will use any contributions as needed for support of moving through this tragic period and to honor his legacy."

Whatever happened to people giving memorial donations to a charity to "honor" the deceased?  We're now just throwing money at the survivors?   Everybody needs help moving through a tragedy, but not everyone is in the position of having people give them $100,000 to do so in a little over 24 hours. 

AND when I was handling memorial donations for a nonprofit, we would never divulge the amount of any gifts--people would never know if Person X donated $5 or $500.  (Families would sometimes ask, but we'd just say it's our policy not to divulge anything, including the total amount.) 

But you don't have to be anonymous on gofundme, and people can even click on "top donations" to see who cares the most about the family.  And if you choose to be anonymous, nobody, including the family, will know you shelled out at all. 

Medical bills, and funeral expenses are not cheap. It's a shame that society has been reduced to crowd funding instead of having social nets to support people.

[StatisticalOutlier]

1 hour ago, theredhead77 said:

Medical bills, and funeral expenses are not cheap. It's a shame that society has been reduced to crowd funding instead of having social nets to support people.

I agree, but as I said, I really don't think this is a case where the family can't scrape together the money for a funeral and medical bills.  They live in Boulder and have a son who travels internationally for biking events.  You know supporting that isn't cheap, even if they're not on the hook for every cent of it. 

I would be shocked beyond belief if the kid didn't have health insurance.  And not to be too crass, but given the time of the accident and when the gofundme page went up, medical bills weren't being racked up due to lingering in a coma.  And I doubt the hospital has already billed them, so the constantly increasing "goal" is completely arbitrary.

This rankles for the same reason tipping rankles.  Certain victims get more than other victims, based on all sorts of biases and prejudices.  And publicity.  It drives me insane that if somebody gets publicity for their plight, they get disproportionately rewarded.  It shouldn't make me that angry--it's nothing more than the same luck or lack of luck that rewards or dooms many people.  But it makes me very sad nevertheless. 

I used to watch Undercover Boss because I'm always interested in "behind the scenes" views of pretty much anything, including companies and people's jobs.  And that part was sometimes interesting (when it wasn't obviously a setup), but I just hated that at the end, various employees would get some big amount of money depending on their sob story. 

Yes, it's heartbreaking that you've never been able to take your dream cruise because you were raised by a single mother, but I'm sure every coworker also has a heartbreak that $20,000 would go a long way toward alleviating.  What about them? 

I've also always thought that in lawsuits, punitive damages shouldn't be awarded to the plaintiff.  Compensatory damages?  Definitely.  Medical bills, lost wages, pain and suffering--if the jury awards it, it goes to the plaintiff.  But punitive damages that are meant solely to punish the company that got sued?  Why should an individual plaintiff get that money, if the company's actions harmed or even just endangered many others?  Just because that plaintiff had a better lawyer?  That's not fair.

 

 

[theredhead77]

7 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

really don't think this is a case where the family can't scrape together the money for a funeral and medical bills.  They live in Boulder and have a son who travels internationally for biking events.  You know supporting that isn't cheap, even if they're not on the hook for every cent of it. 

Or they could be drowning in debt supporting their late son's biking and those looming hospital bills (even with "good" insurance could be a small fortune) are coming. 

My peeve is just that. Good insurance is never good enough. Medical bills can still bankrupt a person with "good" insurance. And don't even get me started on "affordable" "good" insurance being tied to employment status. I am aware there are posters from outside the states. This rant directed related to healthcare in the states. 

Edited August 2, 2023 by theredhead77

[Ohiopirate02]

43 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

Or they could be drowning in debt supporting their late son's biking and those looming hospital bills (even with "good" insurance could be a small fortune) are coming. 

My peeve is just that. Good insurance is never good enough. Medical bills can still bankrupt a person with "good" insurance. And don't even get me started on "affordable" "good" insurance being tied to employment status. I am aware there are posters from outside the states. This rant directed related to healthcare in the states. 

While I agree that American health insurance is a veritable shitshow, there is one interesting caveat with it.  Most hospitals waive fees when the patient dies as long as he/she/they die while either hospitalized or released properly into hospice.  My dad died at home after a lengthy hospital stay, and his estate was not billed for said stay.  The only bill my mom was responsible for was with the radiologist because they made my parents sign a contract before treatment. The I-do-not-how-much hospital stay was never billed to my dad's estate.

[Mountainair]

Yea don’t get me started on American Health Insurance. 2022 we qualified under the ACA as a family of five. We purchased a plan that was affordable monthly. My kids never get hurt, sick, blah, blah, blah. My daughter breaks her arm twice (!) needing four surgeries including rods placed in her arm. My son is diagnosed with a rare heart defect requiring multiple echos, ct scans and eventually surgery. My oldest son was diagnosed ADHD and of course our plan doesn’t cover mental health. So I’m paying out of pocket for his meds $150.00 a month and therapy &150.00 month. Meanwhile I’ve met our $16,000 deductible and am drowning in medical bills. Me and my husband both work but took pay cuts for the ever elusive promise of raises and the kids are on Medicaid as of 2023 but I still owe close to $10,000 for one crappy year. Hopefully no more broken bones but my son will always need surgery. 
 

Never started a GoFundMe even though it was suggested to me. Just doesn’t feel right. We work. We provide. We have close family to help if need be. We just have tons of debt :(

Edited August 2, 2023 by Mountainair

[EtheltoTillie]

24 minutes ago, Mountainair said:

Yea don’t get me started on American Health Insurance. 2022 we qualified under the ACA as a family of five. We purchased a plan that was affordable monthly. My kids never get hurt, sick, blah, blah, blah. My daughter breaks her arm twice (!) needing four surgeries including rods placed in her arm. My son is diagnosed with a rare heart defect requiring multiple echos, ct scans and eventually surgery. My oldest son was diagnosed ADHD and of course our plan doesn’t cover mental health. So I’m paying out of pocket for his meds $150.00 a month and therapy &150.00 month. Meanwhile I’ve met our $16,000 deductible and am drowning in medical bills. Me and my husband both work but took pay cuts for the ever elusive promise of raises and the kids are on Medicaid as of 2023 but I still owe close to $10,000 for one crappy year. Hopefully no more broken bones but my son will always need surgery. 
 

Never started a GoFundMe even though it was suggested to me. Just doesn’t feel right. We work. We provide. We have close family to help if need be. We just have tons of debt :(

Taking this to health. Some comments on insurance. 

[Bastet]

39 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Most hospitals waive fees when the patient dies as long as he/she/they die while either hospitalized or released properly into hospice. 

Boy, that wasn't the case 40+ years ago when my grandma died; the hospital wanted payment that day.

[partofme]

18 minutes ago, Bastet said:

59 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Most hospitals waive fees when the patient dies as long as he/she/they die while either hospitalized or released properly into hospice. 

Boy, that wasn't the case 40+ years ago when my grandma died; the hospital wanted payment that day.

This is one of those things I wonder about, the New York State Comptroller’s unclaimed property website lists my grandma for something reported by the nyc hospital where she died, the hospital had also been my grandma’s employer before she retired over twenty years before she died, so I have no idea if I should have my mom as my grandma’s surviving child make a claim for it or if it’s an unpaid hospital bill. 

Edited August 2, 2023 by partofme

[EtheltoTillie]

5 minutes ago, partofme said:

This is one of those things I wonder about, the New York State Comptroller’s unclaimed property website lists my grandma for something reported by the nyc hospital where she died, the hospital had also been my grandma’s employer before she retired over twenty years before she died, so I have no idea if I should have my mom as my grandma’s surviving child make a claim for it or if it’s an unpaid hospital bill. 

The unclaimed property unit of NYS has property, such as uncashed checks or dormant bank accounts.  It does not have debts or bills or liabilities. So it wouldn’t hurt you to check it out. 

[PRgal]

Speaking of hospital fees, as many here know (since I’ve talked about it), my son was carried by a gestational surrogate.  Because of they, we had trouble getting him temporary provincial coverage immediately after birth.  He was also a 35 weeker and spent 11 days in NICU (he was a good size and healthy, but they wouldn’t release him until he was able to take a bottle, without having to supplement with a feeding tube).  And since he didn’t have provincial coverage, we had to pay when he was released.  Good thing we got everything back when we actually DID get his health card.  

[Mondrianyone]

Not. Being. Able. To. Find. Things.

Holy crap, what a pain.

Last year I wanted to make a birdbath. By the time I assembled all the components I needed, it was too late in the year to be worthwhile. So I decided to do it for next (i.e., this) year. And I didn't have time till now. So I find all of the parts except the solar fountain. Both of us have looked everywhere, but no dice. It's actually become easier to buy the thing again rather than waste so much time hunting for the original one. Which is exactly what I just did. Fortunately, I have rewards points that I can use on Amazon, so if you squint, it seems free.

We're going to have to start keeping a list of where we put stuff. Of course then we'll probably lose the list.

[oliviabenson]

1 hour ago, Mondrianyone said:

Not. Being. Able. To. Find. Things.

Holy crap, what a pain.

Last year I wanted to make a birdbath. By the time I assembled all the components I needed, it was too late in the year to be worthwhile. So I decided to do it for next (i.e., this) year. And I didn't have time till now. So I find all of the parts except the solar fountain. Both of us have looked everywhere, but no dice. It's actually become easier to buy the thing again rather than waste so much time hunting for the original one. Which is exactly what I just did. Fortunately, I have rewards points that I can use on Amazon, so if you squint, it seems free.

We're going to have to start keeping a list of where we put stuff. Of course then we'll probably lose the list.

Are you me? Lol

I misplace things all the time! Especially cords and chargers and stuff like that. Sigh. I probably have 10 extra ones lol.

[PRgal]

1 hour ago, oliviabenson said:

Are you me? Lol

I misplace things all the time! Especially cords and chargers and stuff like that. Sigh. I probably have 10 extra ones lol.

Speaking of cords and chargers, I thought one of my chargers wasn't working (as in I tried it in more than two outlets) and went on to order a new one only to find that it was working again.  No clue what happened.  Oh well, I have extras now.  Just in case it really DOES stop working!

Edited August 3, 2023 by PRgal

[oliviabenson]

3 hours ago, PRgal said:

Speaking of cords and chargers, I thought one of my chargers wasn't working (as in I tried it in more than two outlets) and went on to order a new one only to find that it was working again.  No clue what happened.  Oh well, I have extras now.  Just in case it really DOES stop working!

You should have 2 cords/chargers just in case! I have 2 devices and go through cords like crazy.