Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[ratgirlagogo]

4 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Any business, other than one that serves food, can allow ANY animal it wants in.  So if the NYPL's policy is to let animals in, that's their prerogative, no questions asked.  But there's no law that says they have to do it.

No, NYPL policy is that animals other than service animals are not allowed. Please keep in mind that we are a charitable organization and not a business that charges people to come in or use our services.

 

4 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Given the confusion over what exactly is a service animal (as opposed to therapy animal or emotional support animal), it's not a good question.  You ask, "Is that animal required because of a disability?"  That's harder to wiggle around. 

And if the person says "yes," then you ask, "What work or task has the animal been trained to perform?"  Of course there's nothing to stop people from lying, or giving a bullshit answer, but at least that puts the burden on them to be the asshole.  

No, I CAN'T do that.  From the New York Bar Association statement I linked above:

"A person with a disability is not required to give you any verbal or written confirmation to establish his/her disability. The animal used need not be formally trained to perform as a service animal."

4 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I don't think asking these questions makes someone look like a fool, regardless of the answers.  It's no different, to me, from carding every single person who is buying alcohol, regardless of age.

It's completely different.  If a business sells alcohol to a customer without demanding proof of age they can be fined and worse, since it is illegal.  Our organizational policy is to not allow animals other than service animals into the library, but it's not illegal for them be in the library.  It only becomes a legal matter if the animal attacks another patron, which would also be the case if it were a certfied guide animal.

[DeLurker]

4 hours ago, potatoradio said:

There was a big dust up at the university when a patient wanted to bring a therapy chicken to a clinical appointment. The clinic didn't want to allow it because of concern that it would lead to the clinic becoming a zoo. I think the patient left the therapy chicken in the lobby (which still pissed off a lot of people) with a family member. I don't know...dogs are one thing. Dogs have a lot of history with people. We know their microbiome and their trainability and their need to be social. A chicken, turtle, snake or exotic of the day?  Sure, I love reptiles. I also know some spread salmonella and are exquisitely sensitive to sound and vibration and I'm not sure it's in the best interest of those animals to insist on bringing them in public for the benefit of the person. 

Assumption peeve - just because I love cats doesn't mean I want everything on this planet with a cat on it: sweatshirts, coffee mugs, plaques, blankets, pajamas, figurines....stop. Please.

I would have serious questions on how clean a chicken was too.  They might be, I have no idea because they only ones I have seen were kept in a coop.  I know service dogs are trained to go on command and so generally they aren't relieving themselves in inappropriate places.  Can a chicken be taught to go on command?  I know the therapy dogs I have encountered have always been very well groomed as a requirement to participate in the program.  I'm sure there are exceptions that other people have seen, but that's been mine.

My ex's grandmother ended up with a collection of cat stuff acquired over time.  At some point a friend misremembered that she loved cats so started getting her cat stuff - statues, note cards, etc...somehow it caught on from there.  It amused me so when she told me about it that before she died she picked out three of them to send to me - one for me and each of my children (her great grandchildren).

[Bastet]

I've given away so many cat-themed tchotchkes, because people do, indeed, focus on something you like and go overboard in giving you thematic gifts.  (And then come over and remark, "You have a lot of cat stuff."  Well, yeah, you're one of the reasons for that!)  I pared down long ago; I keep a few favorites out, and several more in the garage to rotate every year or so.  I like cute things, but too many at once just becomes "cutesy" and that I hate.

[StatisticalOutlier]

4 hours ago, ratgirlagogo said:

No, NYPL policy is that animals other than service animals are not allowed. Please keep in mind that we are a charitable organization and not a business that charges people to come in or use our services.

As far as I know, being a charitable organization doesn't change the applicability of the ADA.  But I will note that in your example upthread, of a cat in a baby carriage, if the NYPL is allowing cats, it's not because they're service animals because cats don't qualify as service animals.

I'll just cite the laws in play here.

New York Civil Rights Law §47-b(1) states: "Persons with a disability accompanied by guide dogs, hearing dogs or service dogs shall be guaranteed the right to have such dogs in their immediate custody while exercising any of the rights and privileges set forth in this article."  Section (4) provides: The term 'guide dog', 'hearing dog' or 'service dog' shall mean a dog which is properly harnessed and has been or is being trained by a qualified person, to aid and guide a person with a disability."

The ADA (§ 36.104) has this definition:  "Service animal means any dog that is individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of an individual with a disability, including a physical, sensory, psychiatric, intellectual, or other mental disability. Other species of animals, whether wild or domestic, trained or untrained, are not service animals for the purposes of this definition."

Only dogs qualify as service animals.  If a place of public accommodation allows cats in, it's not because the ADA (or New York state law) requires them to do so.  (There's an exception in the ADA for miniature horses, but that's not applicable here.  I hope.)

In §36.302(c), covering service animals, subsection (6) states:  "A public accommodation shall not ask about the nature or extent of a person´s disability, but may make two inquiries to determine whether an animal qualifies as a service animal. A public accommodation may ask if the animal is required because of a disability and what work or task the animal has been trained to perform."

That's where the "two questions you can ask" come from.  I can find no provision in the New York statutes that prohibits the second question, nor can I find anything that says that training is not required.  Why do the documents you linked to differ from what the ADA and New York statutes provide?  I have no idea.  I'm always more persuaded by documents like that if they include citations to actual statutes, regardless of who puts out the document.  At least I can verify what they're saying, and if they have to include the citation, they might grok to the fact that they're saying something different.

I did find this notice from the New York City Mayor's Office for People with Disabilities:

http://www.nyc.gov/html/mopd/downloads/pdf/service_animal_one-sheeter_2014.pdf

It's the same as the ADA:  dogs only, trained to help with a disability, and the two allowable questions. 

And here's another tidbit from the ADA, about leashes, for those interested in exactly what's allowed/required when it comes to service dogs (§36.302(c)(6)):  "A service animal shall be under the control of its handler.  A service animal shall have a harness, leash, or other tether, unless either the handler is unable because of a disability to use a harness, leash, or other tether, or the use of a harness, leash, or other tether would interfere with the service animal´s safe, effective performance of work or tasks, in which case the service animal must be otherwise under the handler´s control (e.g., voice control, signals, or other effective means)." 

[backformore]

8 hours ago, potatoradio said:

There was a big dust up at the university when a patient wanted to bring a therapy chicken to a clinical appointment. The clinic didn't want to allow it because of concern that it would lead to the clinic becoming a zoo. I think the patient left the therapy chicken in the lobby (which still pissed off a lot of people) with a family member. I don't know...dogs are one thing. Dogs have a lot of history with people. We know their microbiome and their trainability and their need to be social. A chicken, turtle, snake or exotic of the day?  Sure, I love reptiles. I also know some spread salmonella and are exquisitely sensitive to sound and vibration and I'm not sure it's in the best interest of those animals to insist on bringing them in public for the benefit of the person. 

I don't know a lot about chickens, but I am having a hard time imagining what kind of "service"  a chicken could provide.   Dogs are trained to guide people with visual impairments, can be trained to be alert to a person's neurological status, to perceive when a seizure is coming, and a lot of other things.   But a chicken?  Are they even smart enough to do anything?    Just because you feel more secure with your chicken, doesn't mean it belongs in an airplane or doctor's office.  maybe these people, who want their support/therapy animal with them everywhere, should adjust themselves to a stuffed animal instead.

[backformore]

4 hours ago, Bastet said:

I've given away so many cat-themed tchotchkes, because people do, indeed, focus on something you like and go overboard in giving you thematic gifts.  (And then come over and remark, "You have a lot of cat stuff."  Well, yeah, you're one of the reasons for that!)  I pared down long ago; I keep a few favorites out, and several more in the garage to rotate every year or so.  I like cute things, but too many at once just becomes "cutesy" and that I hate.

Many years ago, I picked up a few decorative snowman figures to put on my bookshelf at Christmas time.  They were a painted wood snow family, with sticks for arms and stain ribbon "scarves".  Rustic looking, 4 different sizes, just a cute set.   The set caught my eye at a craft store, and I bought them as a present to myself.  they were perfect for a shelf I had.    there was also a little wooden pine tree to complete the set.    I'm not religious, so I don't put up a manger, but I do like Christmas.  

Anyway,  my mom saw them and said "Oh, you collect snowmen!"  (No, I don't, I actually had considered my collection complete with the 4 I had)  So, she would buy snowmen "for my collection"  any time she saw them.  But not nice ones, not anything artsy, and not  the Lenox china ones - just the kind of cheap snowmen, made in China, that you can buy for a few bucks at Walmart.  The kind that has glitter paint, maybe with an indent for a tealight (why?) .  She used to go to garage sales, and if there was a snowman, she would buy it, regardless of what it looked like, to give to me.  They were tacky and cheap looking, and I hated them because what I wanted was just the tasteful "snowman family" and they didn't look as cute with all the plastic and ceramic snowmen of all sizes jammed in on the shelf.   Worse yet, I have a December birthday, so I would often get another one as a birthday gift.  I would ask her to stop, and she would say "I couldn't resist, I know how much you love snowmen!" (but I don't!)    I donated a bunch of them to a resale shop, but some of the tackiest ones ended up in the trash. 

I just don't get it.  If I have something I like, don't assume I want 40 versions of the same thing. 

[potatoradio]

8 hours ago, backformore said:

I just don't get it.  If I have something I like, don't assume I want 40 versions of the same thing

LOL - that was such a thing with my family. My mom got, year after year, hummingbird-inspired things. My sister in law had so many rabbit sweatshirts she filled a closet (plus ornaments, knickknacks). My other sis in law got Wizard of Oz memorabilia year after year until she may have been completely sick of anything ruby-colored. 

I think it was because we didn't know each other all that well and wanted to buy birthday and Christmas presents that weren't a total shot in the dark and...voila. You only had to mention once that you liked something and...boom!

[ABay]

Maybe you could mention to your family that you really like gold bars.

[bilgistic]

Cracking me up, @ABay!

[potatoradio]

I also like money. 

I said one year that I liked peppermint bark and received five tins of it. I don't like it so much anymore...

[bilgistic]

Let's talk about what happened this week, y'all.

I was in a fender bender Wednesday. I rear-ended the woman in front of me. It was totally my fault. I was on my way to work on a very busy road that has stop-and-start traffic. I looked down at something in the car (not the phone; it stays in my bag) for a second, and looked back up, and everyone was stopped in front of me. I slammed on the brakes and couldn't avoid hitting her.

I am 42 next week, am out of shape, am overweight and was FINE. I drive a small 2004 Honda Civic two-door coupe. The bumper is messed up and will need to be replaced. That is the extent of the damage. She is in her 60s, I'd guess, looked to be in good health, weighed less than me, and said she was fine. I hit her minivan squarely in her tow hitch; my paint is on the hitch and nothing else. We exchanged info and she asked to say a prayer with me afterward. I was shaken up, understandably, and I started to cry. I pulled into a parking lot after we departed so I could get it together to get to work.

She texted me within an half hour of the accident to ask if I had filed a claim with my insurance. Well, no, because I just got to work and had to work, and no one was hurt and the vehicles were fine. She said she'd filed the claim and gave me the claim number. I told her thanks for being kind (under the circumstances at the time, she could've been an asshole), and I would talk with my insurer when I could get some free time.

The claims adjuster and I played phone tag for a couple days. I finally talked to him Friday. I told him what happened, and that it was my fault. He said that she is saying that she's having back and neck trouble and "needs to see a chiropractor".

Folks, let's file this one under "people suck". Ms. Let's Pray (who wrote her contact info on a prayer request card*) is "having back and neck trouble" from being hit in a MINIVAN by a COMPACT CAR in her TOW HITCH. I told the claims adjuster that I had photos from the scene and would send them to him. (The woman I hit conveniently didn't take any.) He told me he gets this kind of thing all the time and I wouldn't believe it. I said, "Yes, I would, because PEOPLE ARE HORRIBLE."

*I'm not knocking the religious. I am knocking the people who claim to be religious, then turn around and do something deceitful. Save for my 90-year-old grandmother, the most "religious" people I *personally* know are the most morally and ethically bereft.

Edited October 23, 2016 by bilgistic

[rcc]

The most reprehensible person I've ever known was a very religious Baptist. She was selfish, jealous, and caused trouble with lies constantly. She went to church on Sunday for three hours, bible study on Wednesday. I called her "holier than thou" who praised the Lord on Sunday, then was a devil of a human being the rest of the week. Of course she called people devils all the time, yet she was the devil incarnate.

I believe it is how you live your life that counts.

[Moose135]

Well that sucks!  Glad you weren't hurt and there isn't too much damage.  I absolutely believe what she is trying to pull, though.  Hope your insurance company fights it.  And I hope you have a happy birthday!

[Wiendish Fitch]

1 minute ago, rcc said:

The most reprehensible person I've ever known was a very religious Baptist. She was selfish, jealous, and caused trouble with lies constantly. She went to church on Sunday for three hours, bible study on Wednesday. I called her "holier than thou" who praised the Lord on Sunday, then was a devil of a human being the rest of the week. Of course she called people devils all the time, yet she was the devil incarnate.

I believe it is how you live your life that counts.

To that, I can only say, "AMEN"!!

[StatisticalOutlier]

10 hours ago, backformore said:

Just because you feel more secure with your chicken, doesn't mean it belongs in an airplane or doctor's office.  maybe these people, who want their support/therapy animal with them everywhere, should adjust themselves to a stuffed animal instead.

Because of this discussion, I actually read the Department of Justice's 2010 Section-by-Section Analysis and Response to Public Comments of the ADA.  OMG.   You wouldn't believe the discussion of what is a "service animal."  It's a window into how people were/are abusing the system, and a sobering reminder of just how hard it is to write laws and regulations.

For example, they had to add this to the definition of service animal:  "The crime deterrent effects of an animal´s presence and the provision of emotional support, well-being, comfort, or companionship do not constitute work or tasks for the purposes of this definition."  That's because the rule used to say "minimal protection" was a task performed by a service dog; it was intended in the context of people having epileptic seizures, but people took it to allow them to declare their untrained pets as "service dogs" by equating "crime deterrence" with "minimal protection."  So they took out the "minimal protection" language and added the disqualification for crime deterrence. 

And it's pretty clear why they're specifying that "emotional support" is excluded.  See:  chicken. 

Same with "alert to intruders" being included as work, intending it for deaf people being alerted to the presence of others.  But people interpreted it to apply to dogs that are trained specifically to provide aggressive protection, and therefore qualify as service dogs.  Um, no.  So they took out the word "intruder" and replaced it with "presence of people or sounds."  That's probably how it should have been in the first place, but it shows what the people who write the regulations are up against.

Here's a link to the whole thing:

https://www.ada.gov/regs2010/titleIII_2010/titleIII_2010_regulations.htm#supp_info

If you search in the page for

     Section 36.104 of

you'll get to the discussion of the definition of "service animal" and can see how they addressed public comments, including quite a discussion of whether capuchin monkeys should be included as service animals.  Spoiler:  no. 

[StatisticalOutlier]

10 hours ago, backformore said:

She used to go to garage sales, and if there was a snowman, she would buy it, regardless of what it looked like, to give to me.  They were tacky and cheap looking, and I hated them because what I wanted was just the tasteful "snowman family" and they didn't look as cute with all the plastic and ceramic snowmen of all sizes jammed in on the shelf.   Worse yet, I have a December birthday, so I would often get another one as a birthday gift.  I would ask her to stop, and she would say "I couldn't resist, I know how much you love snowmen!" (but I don't!)    I donated a bunch of them to a resale shop, but some of the tackiest ones ended up in the trash. 

I just don't get it.  If I have something I like, don't assume I want 40 versions of the same thing. 

This seems to be a common annoyance--getting gifts that you don't want. 

So how does it make you feel?  I had a family member who used to give me figurines for Christmas when I'm most definitely not the figurine type.  It made me sad, which I'm positive was not the intention.  I hated having the reminders around, so I'd give them to Goodwill ASAP just to get them out of the house, which was an emotional imposition on me.  All because of fucking Christmas, the season of giving.

Would you rather get nothing at all than another snowman?

[bilgistic]

Sort of related: several years ago, my extended family collectively decided to quit exchanging gifts at Christmas. It was such a huge relief. For a couple years, we tried exchanging gifts with one other person whose name we'd drawn, but most of us saw that person only a few times a year at most. There were impersonal gifts and it was almost as stressful as buying for the whole brood. Not exchanging gifts changed the focus of our family gathering to the family time together instead of the gifts.

We still give to the kids in the family, but it's only the grandparents and aunts/uncles that gift. Except for my nieces, all the children are my second cousins who I see literally once a year at Christmas (along with their parents, my cousins). I feel no obligation to give to them.

[Bastet]

From the files of what the hell is wrong with people: My parents, who are on their way home, called to say they're at a dead stop on the interstate and asked me to look up what's happening (the live traffic info on the motorhome's GPS navigation system doesn't give info in the relevant area for some reason).  It turns out the westbound side has been completely shut down for hours due to a horrible crash between a tour bus and a big rig.  The tour bus rear-ended the truck (possibly because the truck tried to merge into the bus' lane; it's unclear at this stage), resulting in the front of the bus being basically inside and under the trailer.  At least 11 dead, 30 to the hospital, including five critical ... tragic.

I'm reading an article on the website of the paper local to the area of the crash and get to this:

Quote

As the hours passed, firefighters continued to work outside the mangled bus as passersby pulled over in the eastbound lanes to catch a glimpse of the grisly scene before being ordered to leave by officials.

Really?  Rubbernecking in your car is bad enough, but these ghouls pulled over and got out - you know with their damn camera phones in hand - to get a closer look?  Sickening.

Edited October 23, 2016 by Bastet

[backformore]

2 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

This seems to be a common annoyance--getting gifts that you don't want. 

So how does it make you feel?  I had a family member who used to give me figurines for Christmas when I'm most definitely not the figurine type.  It made me sad, which I'm positive was not the intention.  I hated having the reminders around, so I'd give them to Goodwill ASAP just to get them out of the house, which was an emotional imposition on me.  All because of fucking Christmas, the season of giving.

Would you rather get nothing at all than another snowman?

Since it was from my mother (recently deceased) it made me sad, because she didn't listen.  I always felt she didn't see me for who I was, only for who she wanted me to be.  I love to read, anyone who knows me knows that, and she also liked to read. it was one thing we had in common, but she never recognized it.   My mom would give my husband books for Christmas, which he would hand over to me.  She was a strange woman, hard to figure out.

[bilgistic]

1 hour ago, Bastet said:

From the files of what the hell is wrong with people: My parents, who are on their way home, called to say they're at a dead stop on the interstate and asked me to look up what's happening (the live traffic info on the motorhome's GPS navigation system doesn't give info in the relevant area for some reason).  It turns out the westbound side has been completely shut down for hours due to a horrible crash between a tour bus and a big rig.  The tour bus rear-ended the truck (possibly because the truck tried to merge into the bus' lane; it's unclear at this stage), resulting in the front of the bus being basically inside and under the trailer.  At least 11 dead, 30 to the hospital, including five critical ... tragic.

I'm reading an article on the website of the paper local to the area of the crash and get to this:

Really?  Rubbernecking in your car is bad enough, but these ghouls pulled over and got out - you know with their damn camera phones in hand - to get a closer look?  Sickening.

Another horrible byproduct is that the passersby will be posting their photos to Twitter and Instagram before any of the families of the passengers know what has happened. "News" agencies scour social media and pick up these posts and contact the posters, interviewing them as "eyewitnesses", then post stories and photos from these folks. PEOPLE SUCK. How horrific.

[Treehugger]

3 hours ago, bilgistic said:

Folks, let's file this one under "people suck". Ms. Let's Pray (who wrote her contact info on a prayer request card*) is "having back and neck trouble" from being hit in a MINIVAN by a COMPACT CAR in her TOW HITCH. I told the claims adjuster that I had photos from the scene and would send them to him. (The woman I hit conveniently didn't take any.) He told me he gets this kind of thing all the time and I wouldn't believe it. I said, "Yes, I would, because PEOPLE ARE HORRIBLE."

*I'm not knocking the religious. I am knocking the people who claim to be religious, then turn around and do something deceitful. Save for my 90-year-old grandmother, the most "religious" people I *personally* know are the most morally and ethically bereft.

I'm sorry to hear about your fender bender @bilgistic.  I'm glad that you weren't injured.

Before I left the workforce, I worked in insurance claims and risk management.  Anytime we heard a claimant declare that "I'm a good Christian" it was time to buckle up and get ready for all kinds of injuries, crazy allegations, and tomfoolery.  I believe it was Jesus who said "by their fruits you will know them".  Well, this self-proclaimed Christian is showing quite a bit about herself.  Best advice that I can give you is to know that your claims representative knows the deal, leave it in the claim rep's hands, and try to ignore it.  It's difficult to not get invested, but this claimant isn't worth your valuable headspace.

My pet peeve for today is that I'm sick and tired of shopping and encountering completely silent sales clerks.  I don't get a thank you, have a nice day, enjoy your purchase, anything?  Just complete and utter silence.  People do suck.

[bilgistic]

Thanks, all! It'll be all right. I'm OK, and Jesus is watching her. Snerk!

Re: silent cashiers: If I'm feeling salty, which is often, I do what my mother does upon walking away from a silent cashier's transaction. I say loudly, "THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT [STORE NAME]! PLEASE COME AGAIN!

I know we look crazy. We don't care.

[ratgirlagogo]

20 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

That's where the "two questions you can ask" come from.  I can find no provision in the New York statutes that prohibits the second question, nor can I find anything that says that training is not required

I guess my question to you is, as I indicated above, what is it that you imagine I might do if I suspect the person I'm questioning isn't telling the truth?  Clearly this issue is a major peeve of yours, which I respect - but it isn't a major peeve for me in terms of my work problems.  Do you mind sharing what experiences made you feel so strongly about it?

[backformore]

It is time for my holiday pet peeve.   I'm pretty sure I mentioned this last year.  Stores try to bring in a "holiday ambience"  by using that fake cinnamon stuff.  Grocery stores are especially guilty of this.  It's in the produce aisles, maybe the flower department.  Pinecones are scented with it, and other items are as well.  I happen to love scents.  I light candles, I even use some plug-in scented things - but I am  very selective about which scents I use.    There is something in a lot of "Holiday"  or "Christmas"  scents that triggers my asthma.  It's not cinnamon, exactly, but that fake-y red-hots type of cinnamon.   I wish I knew exactly what it was.  Today I went grocery shopping, and I started wheezing.  It was a good ten minutes before I was aware of the scent in the store. 

If I want a warm holiday  scent in my home, I put a cinnamon stick and some cloves in water, or apple juice, and warm it on the stove.  It smells wonderful, and doesn't bother me at all.  It seems like that's what the stores are going for, but they're using some weird chemical instead of the real thing, and it's awful. 

Edited October 24, 2016 by backformore

[Maharincess]

On 10/18/2016 at 2:47 PM, auntlada said:

 

 

On 10/22/2016 at 3:26 PM, potatoradio said:

 

Assumption peeve - just because I love cats doesn't mean I want everything on this planet with a cat on it: sweatshirts, coffee mugs, plaques, blankets, pajamas, figurines....stop. Please. 

 

I have this same problem. I've been collecting butterflies since I was in 8th grade and got my first one as a gift. I have a lot of butterfly stuff.  People will give me anything that has a butterfly on it and I mean ANYTHING.  I've been gifted with pictures of them torn out of magazines,  broken figurunes and all kinds of weird things. I'm very grateful that people care enough about me to do this and I sincerely thank them but I have a big box of broken butterfly...stuff that I feel bad getting rid of but cant use. 

 Religious people:  The mother of my first husband (the abuser who died when my kids were babies) was the most religious person I've ever met, church every day, Bible study all the time, huge picture of her god in every room of her house, wrote for a local religion magazine and hosted a Sunday radio show about, you guessed it, her god.  She was also the biggest racist I've ever met in my life.  When my kids were little our neighbors and best friends were a black family from Louisiana (I wrote about my friend Lisa being murdered by having gasoline poured on her and set on fire).  Our friends lived across the driveway at our condo complex.  One day my mother in law came to visit and as she was leaving my friends were coming home and they came to meet her.  The look of contempt on her face embarrassed me so much. She had that look on her face, refused to shake their hands and got in her car and left. When she got home a few hours later, thankfully she lived far away, she called me and told me off.  Told me I was a horrible person and mother for allowing my kids to associate with "those people".   She was the worst person I've ever known and she did it all with a sickly sweet smile on her racist face. 

[Qoass]

Stopping the gift exchange at Christmas was the best thing my family ever did together.  Now we can enjoy the holidays without the stress, financial burden and guessing games.  Well, there's still stress but that's what family is all about. 

My peeve today is that with two weeks to go, I have long since reached my limit with political ads for the New Hampshire senate race.  They are all over my TV and I don't live in New Hampshire.! Hey, Granite State, get your own freaking TV stations and get off of mine!

[harrie]

Also up to here with the political ads, with one exception.  I listen to a couple of Long Island (NY) radio stations while in the car (yes, I'm an old), and the local political ads are absolutely vicious, to the point where I find them kind of hilarious.  It's kind of like "Candidate X won't tell you he kicks puppies... but we all know he does."  Granted, I have my own horrible to less than stellar options/choices to make, but I guess I'm glad others do too.  

The in-laws get me socks every Christmas.  I haven't worn sock in years.  I do understand it's probably hard to shop for me, so I smile, say thank you, and give them to Savers.  

Edited October 24, 2016 by harrie

[topanga]

7 hours ago, Maharincess said:

Religious people:  The mother of my first husband (the abuser who died when my kids were babies) was the most religious person I've ever met, church every day, Bible study all the time, huge picture of her god in every room of her house, wrote for a local religion magazine and hosted a Sunday radio show about, you guessed it, her god.  She was also the biggest racist I've ever met in my life.  When my kids were little our neighbors and best friends were a black family from Louisiana (I wrote about my friend Lisa being murdered by having gasoline poured on her and set on fire).  Our friends lived across the driveway at our condo complex.  One day my mother in law came to visit and as she was leaving my friends were coming home and they came to meet her.  The look of contempt on her face embarrassed me so much. She had that look on her face, refused to shake their hands and got in her car and left. When she got home a few hours later, thankfully she lived far away, she called me and told me off.  Told me I was a horrible person and mother for allowing my kids to associate with "those people".   She was the worst person I've ever known and she did it all with a sickly sweet smile on her racist face. 

Wow, Maharincess. You could write a book about your life. You have seen and personally been through some shit. 

I've never understood why religious people are some of the most judgmental, narrow-minded, racist, and otherwise generally unkind people in the world. If you are a follower of Jesus, how could you miss the many parts of the Bible where Jesus told people to be kind and to associate with people other than the small group you call your family and friends? 

[rcc]

18 minutes ago, topanga said:

Wow, Maharincess. You could write a book about your life. You have seen and personally been through some shit. 

I've never understood why religious people are some of the most judgmental, narrow-minded, racist, and otherwise generally unkind people in the world. If you are a follower of Jesus, how could you miss the many parts of the Bible where Jesus told people to be kind and to associate with people other than the small group you call your family and friends? 

I have a theory on that. Some religious people who spend their time in church and read the Bible every day think that they're better than the heathens who don't and they are saved no matter how they live their life.

They feel they are absolved by the Lord because they praise him.

[zxy556575]

5 hours ago, harrie said:

I do understand it's probably hard to shop for me

Are you ultra picky? The Sultan of Brunei? An ascetic monk?

I kind of have never understood what people mean by that phrase.

[harrie]

11 minutes ago, lordonia said:

Are you ultra picky? The Sultan of Brunei? An ascetic monk?

I kind of have never understood what people mean by that phrase.

I don't really need anything most of the time, and even though the hub and I have been together close to 30 years, his family and I aren't super close.  I'm not picky; I've received some truly WTF gifts (like pierced earrings - my ears aren't pierced -  or a (one) paper cracker thing from Chinatown that you get about 25 of for maybe $0.10 and just did the smile/thank you thing.  One of the best gifts from an in-law was a contribution to the animal rescue where I volunteered, and I made a point of saying it meant a lot to me, I really appreciated their thoughtfulness, and the organization could use all the help they could get.  So of course that never happened again. 

[PradaKitty]

My peeve for this day is the transition of the holiday season from Halloween to Christmas. Actually it's the lack of transition.  I HATE seeing all of the Christmas merchandise out on the shelves while shopping for Halloween candy and do not appreciated "the holiday season" beginning on my birthday (the day after Halloween).  Thanksgiving and fall are totally lost these days, since we're all busy celebrating Christmas all day every day from November 1 - December 26...

[TattleTeeny]

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I've given away so many cat-themed tchotchkes, because people do, indeed, focus on something you like and go overboard in giving you thematic gifts.  (And then come over and remark, "You have a lot of cat stuff."  Well, yeah, you're one of the reasons for that!)  I pared down long ago; I keep a few favorites out, and several more in the garage to rotate every year or so.  I like cute things, but too many at once just becomes "cutesy" and that I hate.

Oh my goodness, this! I have some favorite types of tchotchkes--owl, cat, chickens, Pyrex bowls, and gothy sinister things--and I have a method to my madness when choosing them! First and foremost, I want it unique, vintage (usually '70s), bizarre, etc. If it was Grandma's, I want it! I do not, however, for the rest of my life want endless gifts of owl accessories (with or without a retro vibe), or today's Pyrex styles! I do not want bedazzled cat sweatshirts, or for every kitchen item to be cat-themed. And as an aging alternative kid, I most certainly do not want pink and purple cute skull clothing from Kohl's or Macy's! (Haha, I probably didn't even have to mention "aging alternative kid"; that last part makes it obvious with its admittedly snooty "boo to mainstream" snobbery!)

I mean, if you give me a gift, I am grateful, and you will likely never know if I don't like it because I will never let you know that. Which...probably makes it my own damn fault that I just went on the above rant!
 

Quote

Since it was from my mother (recently deceased) it made me sad, because she didn't listen.  I always felt she didn't see me for who I was, only for who she wanted me to be. 

I understand this so well! My mom is still here, but she used to insist on buying me clothing from a store with stuff that not only was not my personal style, but that I also didn't even like at all! I felt bad not liking a present (not bad enough to wear them) because, you know, my mom bought me something. But then it got to be too much--I'd say they didn't fit (not to hard; I'm on the scrawnier side) but she never kept the receipts! Once I exchanged the clothed for, like, 25 pairs of subpar black tights (no stretch at all in those bitches, man!). Finally my sister told my mom while shopping for me that she thought my mom did this because she (my mom) liked the store, and not to "come crying to [her]" when I inevitably asked for the receipt, haha! The jig was up!

Edited October 24, 2016 by TattleTeeny

[bilgistic]

My mom's been  s l o w l y  trying to get rid of old stuff for several years. Like, she gave me my high school dance team uniforms. And letter jacket. And prom dresses. Thanks? I live in a one-bedroom apartment with one closet. I have no room for such things. I gave most of the dance stuff to my sister and nieces, and they use it on Halloween. Goodwill got the prom stuff. The early 1990s are back in style, right?

My folks still live in my hometown, about 80 miles north of me. I visited Friday. Mom gave me some stuff I'd drawn and made as a kid. Again, thanks? I told her to just toss it if she didn't want it. She said, "I CAN'T!!!" I took it home and it's now in my recycling bin.

I also brought home an "heirloom" (what stands for heirloom in our poor white trash family) ladder-back chair that was my great-grandmother's. I don't know why there's only one. It's in wonderful shape. I love it.

[MargeGunderson]

37 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

My mom's been  s l o w l y  trying to get rid of old stuff for several years. Like, she gave me my high school dance team uniforms. And letter jacket. And prom dresses. Thanks? I live in a one-bedroom apartment with one closet. I have no room for such things. I gave most of the dance stuff to my sister and nieces, and they use it on Halloween. Goodwill got the prom stuff. The early 1990s are back in style, right?

My folks still live in my hometown, about 80 miles north of me. I visited Friday. Mom gave me some stuff I'd drawn and made as a kid. Again, thanks? I told her to just toss it if she didn't want it. She said, "I CAN'T!!!" I took it home and it's now in my recycling bin.

I also brought home an "heirloom" (what stands for heirloom in our poor white trash family) ladder-back chair that was my great-grandmother's. I don't know why there's only one. It's in wonderful shape. I love it.

I'm at my mother-in-law's dealing with the same thing! She can't bear to throw something out but will give it to my husband and me. Taking things home with us is the only way to get  things cleaned out, so we take it and either donate or throw it away. Tomorrow I'm sorting and organizing all of the tools, at her request (and getting her car detailed). This is how I spend my vacation!

Edited October 25, 2016 by MargeGunderson

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 10/23/2016 at 5:56 PM, ratgirlagogo said:

I guess my question to you is, as I indicated above, what is it that you imagine I might do if I suspect the person I'm questioning isn't telling the truth?

That's why it's important not to just ask, "Is that a service animal?"  Ask the two specific questions, and put them on the spot.  If they lie, so be it.  But it's going to be a much tougher lie than, "This is a service dog."  And in the case of someone who genuinely doesn't know that his emotional support animal isn't a service dog, he can learn something. 

 

Quote

Clearly this issue is a major peeve of yours, which I respect - but it isn't a major peeve for me in terms of my work problems.  Do you mind sharing what experiences made you feel so strongly about it?

I just have a thing about misinformation, and in this case, it's misinformation compounded by people taking advantage of that misinformation to take their pets into places where they're not otherwise wanted.  [ETA: Plus, the misinformation is perpetuated by people making money off it by selling vests and bogus credentials.]

My other misinformation peeves are:

(1) you can be declared common law married solely because you live with someone for X years,

(2) you need a revocable living trust instead of a will to avoid estate taxes (plus never mind that the exemption is $5,000,000--not something very many people need to worry about in the first place), and

(3) you can tape a pre-addressed postage-paid reply envelope (like in junk mail) to a brick or box of bricks and the recipient will have to pay the postage on it.

ETA:  (4) If you're the rear car in a rear-end collision, you're automatically deemed 100% at fault.  bilgistic, this is not aimed at you.  You were at fault.  :-) 

Edited October 25, 2016 by StatisticalOutlier

[Maharincess]

4 hours ago, TattleTeeny said:

Oh my goodness, this! I have some favorite types of tchotchkes--owl, cat, chickens, Pyrex bowls, and gothy sinister things--and I have a method to my madness when choosing them! First and foremost, I want it unique, vintage (usually '70s), bizarre, etc. If it was Grandma's, I want it! I do not, however, for the rest of my life want endless gifts of owl accessories (with or without a retro vibe), or today's Pyrex styles! I do not want bedazzled cat sweatshirts, or for every kitchen item to be cat-themed. And as an aging alternative kid, I most certainly do not want pink and purple cute skull clothing from Kohl's or Macy's! (Haha, I probably didn't even have to mention "aging alternative kid"; that last part makes it obvious with its admittedly snooty "boo to mainstream" snobbery!)

I mean, if you give me a gift, I am grateful, and you will likely never know if I don't like it because I will never let you know that. Which...probably makes it my own damn fault that I just went on the above rant!
 

 

Im the same way with my Lucy collection. I get so much Lucy stuff that is mass produced but I prefer the older, vintage stuff. I have I Love Lucy paper dolls from the '50s, an I Love Lucy board game, and every TV Guide Lucille Ball was on and that's the stuff I prefer.  I don't want a tea pot shaped like Lucy's head that they made a million of.    I am very appreciative that somebody thought enough to give me anything and I display the gifts I'm given but my preference is older vintage Lucy. 

I'm trying to post a picture of my Lucy collection but it keeps saying it's too big. I don't have everything unpacked and that's my only picture with almost my whole collection.  

[Qoass]

Huh.  Yesterday I saw a glass "I Love Lucy" Chocolate Bar Ornament on the interwebs ($9.95 at Walmart) and thought of you.  Thanks for saving me a tenner.

[PradaKitty]

How about a bottle of Vitameatavegemin?  (It's so tasty, too!)

[TattleTeeny]

I have a Lucy T-shirt that I love, a few random odds and ends including a metal alarm clock that is so loud that took out the batteries and a big pink coffee mug. Oh, and a big old coffee-table bookI do have that game too but no one to play it with. And, of course, the beautiful DVD set thatI turn to when I have had a very bad week.

Awww, two Halloweens ago, I dressed as "Lucifer Ricardo" in her outfit from that episode, complete with devil horns and a homemade Vitameatavegemin bottle full of leftover coffee. On the right is the real photo; left is mine, made from an empty Old Granddad bottle, haha...which I did not drink, as I would surely have been "unpoopular" and "popped out at the party"! Label made in InDesign after scouring the planet for the closest font I could find!

[TattleTeeny]

Here's a peeve! When a coworker asks you to gather up information that she could have gotten her damn self in the same time it took to write the e-mail to me!

[Maharincess]

@TattleTeeny, I have the newer I Love Lucy board game but the one I mentioned is from 1952 and has Lucy and Ricky on the box. I would play either Lucy game with you.  Your costume sounds great,   I'd have loved to see that.   I don't have the imagination to think of something like that.  

When my daughter was younger one of her friends once asked me which was my favorite Lucy episode, my daughter yelled "NO! don't ask her that!!!!" and I turned around and recited the entire Vitameatavegamin commercial.  That's not my actual favorite one though.   I have my granddaughter loving Lucy now too.

I do have a semi peeve. I was in the store today and heard a woman say "I literally need a ton of candy for the trick or treaters".  I was in a mood and told her she'll probably need a forklift for 2000 pounds of candy. 

Edited October 25, 2016 by Maharincess

[zxy556575]

1 hour ago, TattleTeeny said:

Here's a peeve! When a coworker asks you to gather up information that she could have gotten her damn self in the same time it took to write the e-mail to me!

I don't even like when my boss does that. It's not an efficient use of time!

[TattleTeeny]

I hate having a job title that people translate to "safety net"! It breeds laziness on everyone else's part. I mean, I am flattered if they truly believe I have all the missing info at the top of my brain but I do not--I have to stop my actual job of copy editing and look it up, god damn it! I yelled at everyone today, haha!

[bilgistic]

My birthday is tomorrow. Bleh. (Don't acknowledge it.) My sister (the dramatic one who posted on Facebook about being one-month "sober", but didn't tell any of us about it) apparently told my mom that she wanted for us all to have lunch Sunday. My sister has yet to ask ME if I want to have lunch for my birthday. That sister, my folks and I all live about 1.5 hours' drive apart in different directions. My other sister lives almost three hours away from me. They were coming to me (in the middle) for lunch.

I felt anxiety at the first mention of it. This evening, I finally texted my mom and sister (the one w/whom I'm close) and said that I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I have a lot to do this weekend (true), and I would rather not get together. It's just a dumb, non-milestone, 40s birthday. I saw my parents last Friday. I'll see my sister at Thanksgiving. Who knows when I'll see Sober Sister. She comes to town all the time, but doesn't bother to let me know she's here until I see it on Facebook.

My sister replied, "Ok. That's fine," which felt kind of chilly, but I'm probably overreacting. My mom hasn't replied. I feel like an asshole for saying I don't want to have lunch for my birthday, which is the dumbest thing ever. It's my goddamned birthday; I shouldn't have to go to lunch if I don't want.

[Blergh]

bilgistic,

 

You're a grown person and it's your call whether to have lunch or not with anyone you want on any day you want. Also keep in mind that texts themselves are NOT capable of expressing human emotions (even with emoticons) . Thus,  IMO, it would be just as well for you to consider that  'OK, That's fine' means EXACTLY that- just as sometimes a cigar is JUST a cigar.

 

OK, to keep this ontopic.  Why do the canned music folks think that somehow imitators are better than the original artists and no one will know the difference? I mean in the past few days at this vacation spot I've heard a DUET singing 'River Deep, Mountain High' that the sum total wasn't even worth HALF of one Tina Turner and does anyone think a GUY singing 'Call Me Maybe' can have  even remotely the same meaning as Miss Jepsen's? Yep, definitely first world problems and it won't be too long before I have to face the music of going back to work but this is as good a place as any to vent.

[Bastet]

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Why do the canned music folks think that somehow imitators are better than the original artists and no one will know the difference?

They don't, they just know the music and lyrics are cheaper to license than adding in the original vocals as well and thus for many songs there isn't adequate return on investment.

But, yeah, as a listener you find yourself wishing they'd just stick to things they could license properly and skip the rest entirely.

[zxy556575]

I live in a retirement community and any establishments that have background soundtracks invariably play oldies, no exceptions. I feel bad for the 20-year old clerks and servers who have to listen to that all day!

[backformore]

33 minutes ago, Blergh said:

OK, to keep this ontopic.  Why do the canned music folks think that somehow imitators are better than the original artists and no one will know the difference?

It's about licensing costs. 

Reminds me of a story.  When we were pre-teens, my sister and I liked the Beatles and the Monkees.  She  decided she wanted the Beatles record album "Yellow Submarine"  for Christmas.   my mom didn't know anything about music.  My sister asked for one thing for Christmas - the Yellow Submarine album.   It was the first time she wanted some teenage-type item, instead of a toy.

So my mom went to the store, and bought something like "the Yellow Submarine and other big hits for Little people,"  by some children's chorus.  Yep, it was a bunch of kids singing hit songs.  It was the worst album ever, and my mom could not understand why my sister cried about it. 

[bilgistic]

I was overreacting. Seems my sister and mother are fine w/my not wanting to do anything on Sunday. I need Sundays to vegetate and mentally prepare for the week ahead.

My other sister, the "sober" one (who, by the way, works as a bartender; did I mention that?), posted a picture of us as children on Instagram and tagged me (me as a horribly awkward nine-year-old, sporting a short Farrah Fawcett 'do--I don't know, either), which means that now her forty-leven "followers" (read: high school "friends") will now know who I am and ask to follow me, too, like they do on Facebook. Lots of blocking coming up.