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Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"


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Your Pet Peeves are your Pet Peeves and you're welcome to express them here. However, that does not mean that you can use this topic to go after your fellow posters; being annoyed by something they say or do is not a Pet Peeve.

If there's something you need clarification on, please remember: it's always best to address a fellow poster directly; don't talk about what they said, talk to them. Politely, of course! Everyone is entitled to their opinion and should be treated with respect. (If need be, check out the how to have healthy debates guidelines for more).

While we're happy to grant the leniency that was requested about allowing discussions to go beyond Pet Peeves, please keep in mind that this is still the Pet Peeves topic. Non-pet peeves discussions should be kept brief, be related to a pet peeve and if a fellow poster suggests the discussion may be taken to Chit Chat or otherwise tries to course-correct the topic, we ask that you don't dismiss them. They may have a point.

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I have a pet peeve against these faux ponds (that's what I call the watershed mgmt ponds around golf courses, shopping centers and apt developments) because they lure Canada geese.  The geese don't know how dangerous it is to be near highways, parking lots of supermarkets, developments, etc., & wander around and I worry about them.  Today when I was driving away from Harris Teeter supermarket, I saw a huge goose pecking away at a little strip of grass and sure enough--she'd created a nest filled with big eggs in the same place it was located a year ago in the parking lot.  I called the store (last year) to ask them to get someone to move the animals to a safer place and almost immediately the geese disappeared (so then I worried that I'd caused the grim reaper to come get them).  Now the geese are back and I'm worried about them, especially when the goslings hatch and they're wandering all over.  A pox on whoever dreamed up these faux ponds.

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I sort of know two things related to this topic. Developers usually create retaining pools/ponds for runoff water, so there's some purpose to them, but it's probably lazier than properly grading and draining an entire development. Years ago, I met a woman whose business was running off Canadian geese. No joke. She didn't reveal her trade secret, though.

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This is going back a week or so, but remember when the guy with the fake bomb threatened to blow up a plane and a Scottish guy had a picture taken with him? Everyone kept saying it was a selfie. It was not a selfie. A selfie is, by definition, a picture of you taken by you--yourSELF. It is not a generic word for all photos taken on your phone. Since you could see Scottish guy's hands, he didn't take the picture himSELF. 

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Yep! I've heard people refer to "selfies" when they mean "photos taken with a smart phone". If I take YOUR picture, and I'm not in it, it's not a selfie. It's a PHOTO.

Actually, the appropriate slang term for selfie-style pics taken of an entire group of people is called an "ussie." But that term really never took off the way it sorta should've...

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Yesterday, I got to work without having had breakfast or picking anything up on the way, so I thought I'd run over to the hospital next door to get something. (Our hospital has really good food.) I told my co-workers I was running over to the hospital to get some breakfast, and the one who bugs me most said, "I'll come with you." What I said was, "OK." What I thought was, "Did I invite you?"

 

The only bright side was that because she was with me we went to the cafeteria instead of the snack bar so I got a biscuit and gravy instead of a muffin or microwave breakfast sandwich.

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That's because Border Collies are the best, most amazing, smartest, most wonderful, beautiful dogs in all the world.

 

 

I have to give that award to Yorkies, esp teacup Yorkies.  ;-p

 

 

Uh-uh. I give that award to Golden Retrievers. The ones that are that deep reddish, golden...like my Micky, may he RIP. God, I loved that dog, and he loved me. Unconditionally. I still miss him terribly. He visits me in my dreams on a regular basis, and when I wake up, I miss him all over again.

 

My Peeve for today:

 

The one thing I hate more than telemarketers, are solicitors, or those people that insist on stopping me on the sidewalk as I'm minding my own business, trying to catch the train, because I have to get home to make dinner. Or just get home.  You know, those folks that think they know you, and think you're awesome and just have to tell you about this organization or that organization, and can I please agree to pay them a dollar a month so that they can do what they need to, to clean up the Earth, or save the world, or make sure X group can be heard?

 

I'm a wuss, so I can't curse them out. Or hang up on them, because they're right.in.my.face.  They don't know me, so I resent the fake admiration.  So I lied yesterday. Said, no, I couldn't donate, because I'm broke (well, that was true), but that I still had cancer (I'm in remission). It stopped him cold so I could get away.  And dammit, it was too late by the time I got home for me to make my chick peas, raita, and tandoori naan! I ended up making a ham sandwich.

 

Carry on.

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I always ask for literature to review and verify with my "financial advisors".  Most of the people who you meet on the street won't have anything and so I can say that it wouldn't be prudent for me to donate.

 

My financial advisor used to be my lab; now it is my cat.  He does not approve any charitable contributions unless they are to him.

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I didn't know people did that. The only in-person solicitors I see here are the various nonprofits that set up tables outside Walmart. I say no thank you, don't make eye contact and walk fast -- except for the Salvation Army and the Girl Scouts. My son likes to put coins in the Salvation Army buckets, and the Girl Scouts have cookies. Most of the other people are representing charities I've never heard of and aren't at all sure are legitimate. (Actually, I'm leaning toward being pretty sure they aren't.)

 

I don't think acosting people on the sidewalks would fly here. First, there aren't that many people walking. We're not a big enough place to have more than a few blocks of downtown, and everyone drives everywhere. Some take the university's bus system, but they don't much walk. Second, I think people would complain to the police. I'm not sure soliciting on the sidewalk is allowed. It might be, but no one ever does it, so I don't know.

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Last year I chose three charities I really care about and now I send large (for me) donations to each once a year with a note saying if you hit me up during the year for more money, I'll stop donating.  There are so many worthy causes in the world but I am okay with saying no to most of them knowing that I've said yes to a few.

 

I live a few blocks from a Kingdom Hall so I get folks ringing my bell looking to save my soul  now and again.  There are two cable providers in my town and one of them came knocking at my door last week.  I've told them to quit calling me but I guess I'll have to make it a little clearer to them that next time they disturb me at home, I'll stuff them in my recycling bag along with all their junk mail.

 

ETA a HUGE pet peeve related to charity-- I have good hair and one more than one occasion someone has said to me, "Your hair is so pretty.  You should donate it to Locks of Love!".  I know they mean well but I've already donated all kinds of stuff and don't need your advice on what else I have to give, f--- you very much.  How would you like it if I walked up to you and said, "Great shirt; you should give it to Goodwill."?

Edited by Qoass
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I will say that at least, where I live, I don't get solicited. Because you have to dial the access code for me to "buzz" you in, for you to come up to my door.  Though one or two have managed to slip in. But not by me.

 

And auntlada, I live in MD, work in DC, use the Metro (railway) to commute, so everyone's walking! Okay, most. There are taxis and buses, and bikes. But I always seem like a magnet for these organizations. I get approached at least three to four times a year!

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But how do they deal with people walking who are on their phones?  Isn't that pretty much everybody?

 

Heck, if I saw them coming my way, I'd whip out my phone and just pretend!

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But how do they deal with people walking who are on their phones?  Isn't that pretty much everybody?

 

Heck, if I saw them coming my way, I'd whip out my phone and just pretend!

 

 

Hah! I should have. I think I was the only one who wasn't talking on her phone, and who didn't have those earbuds stuck in my ears! There's gonna be a LOT of folks who will lose their hearing a lot sooner! Seriously, they wouldn't be able to hear a car honk behind them, or know if someone was sneaking up behind them to mug them or whatever. Walk like zombies, unaware of their surroundings...

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I've settled on one main charity for the last decade or so but used to give to a different one each year. Some of those fools are STILL sending me solicitations, even after three moves to different states. Stop it already, and clean out your database every once in a while! Looking especially at you, Doctors Without Borders and Heifer International.

 

I hate when strangers come to my door, irrationally so. If I'm not expecting you I will not answer, but it vexes me just the same. I ignored some pretty persistent knocking last year that turned out to be two FBI agents. Heh. No offense, guys, but you don't get a response any more than the people who want to convert me, trim my trees, or sell me makeup.

Edited by lordonia
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I will say that at least, where I live, I don't get solicited. Because you have to dial the access code for me to "buzz" you in, for you to come up to my door.  Though one or two have managed to slip in. But not by me.

 

And auntlada, I live in MD, work in DC, use the Metro (railway) to commute, so everyone's walking! Okay, most. There are taxis and buses, and bikes. But I always seem like a magnet for these organizations. I get approached at least three to four times a year!

 

I'm in a relatively (especially to someone in the DC area) small town in Oklahoma. We have door-to-door people, although not a lot, but we don't get a lot of the same soliciting behavior as a big city does. Our door-to-door people are usually Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons or people from one very conservative evangelical church (one of those in which all the girls wear skirts, and they only read the KJV Bible) or they are kids caught in one of those magazine or book selling rackets. Lately, we've had people selling cleaning solutions. The city has gotten a lot of complaints, but they've got the appropriate permits. They're apparently just really aggressive and won't go away. I don't know. I didn't answer the door. That's why when we moved in, I had my husband install a viewer thing in the door at my eye level.

 

We don't get Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts selling cookies or popcorn, which I regret. Instead, their parents put things on the Web bulletin board at work. I don't buy from parents, and the kids aren't allowed to come in to the office to sell, even if the person they are selling to asked them to come in. I get not letting them go from office to office, but if I say, "Come to my office, and I'll buy some popcorn (or thin mints, which I always will)," the kid should be able to do that.

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Well, when I lived in Silver Spring, MD, which is pretty large, but the area where I lived, first in apartment when I was a kid, and then later, about a mile away, when we finally got a house, we got the door-to-door solicitors, and Good Glory, the Jehovah Witnesses, etc. I was a Girl Scout, and I went door-to-door of each apartment that looked like mews, I guess? And also the buildings, that would be called garden apartment these days, to hawk sell my cookies in the late 70s/early 80s!

 

And whenever I'd go downtown to DC, like the Tidal Basin for Cherry Blossoms or Fourth of July (when I was a teen), I'd get approached by Born Again Christians!

 

Can't even enjoy the purty flowers or sit back and enjoy the day before the sun sets to watch the fireworks in peace! It frustrated me as a teenager.

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I tried selling school crap in my Nana's neighborhood door to door once when I was young and after having nobody buy anything and/or not answering the door I decided that was the one and only time for that crap. I think it's sad that schools use kids to sell stuff to people to raise money. I've had kids come to the door here selling candy bars and if the parents are with them at all it's not in person instead they are driving down the street house to house and their kids go door to door. 

When I was young people would always come up to my Mom and me in store parking lots and especially at gas stations. We didn't have money to give them and sure didn't dress in any way that would give that impression. There was a lady who would try to hand out these religious notes I guess you could call them (they were printed on letter size white paper) from a plastic purse inside stores and would end up getting thrown out each time. We would run into her so much that it was creepy she'd appear when we'd be in Walmart/Kmart, Phar-Mor and the 2 or 3 grocery stores in the area. We'd hear from different stores that she was banned from them but I guess the police never got called or if they were what this lady did wasn't taken seriously.

Edited by Jaded
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Being sent to go door to door selling girl scout cookies alone in the waning winter afternoon light remains one of the most terrifying events of my life!

 

 

Which is why I did it during the early afternoons on the weekends!

 

Speaking of fundraisers...I never sold those chocolates that my school sold for...hell, I don't even remember what it was for, but I always laugh when I think about it.  I was a junior in high school, and a classmate/friend asked our math teacher (who was like kewlest teacher in the school and I think the youngest, not to mention the BEST) if he'd like to buy a chocolate for X reason. He said, "sure, I'll buy one." And my friend gave him the whole box and said, "$20, please."

 

Our teacher was such a good sport. He forked over the Jackson! We all got a good laugh out of it, as it was right before class started.  I'm not ashamed to admit I had a wee crush on him. He really was the best math teacher I had.  I heard he's retiring this year. I feel bad for those students who won't have him for a teacher.

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I hate when strangers come to my door, irrationally so. If I'm not expecting you I will not answer, but it vexes me just the same. I ignored some pretty persistent knocking last year that turned out to be two FBI agents. Heh. No offense, guys, but you don't get a response any more than the people who want to convert me, trim my trees, or sell me makeup.

I can't be the only one here who wants to know why FBI agents showed up at Lordonia's door.

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I can't be the only one here who wants to know why FBI agents showed up at Lordonia's door.

 

It was a set-up, I swear!  ;)

 

It was in relation to an investigation at the company I worked for. As a omnivorous consumer of Dateline and other true crime shows, I of course declined the agent's request to speak to me without an attorney.

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It was a set-up, I swear!  ;)

 

It was in relation to an investigation at the company I worked for. As a omnivorous consumer of Dateline and other true crime shows, I of course declined the agent's request to speak to me without an attorney.

Thank you for indulging my curiosity! My first thought was that it was Mulder and Scully!

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What I do when the Jesus folks show up at my door, which is on a private road with a no trespassing sign at the bottom of the hill, is to ask for their address so I can knock on their door and tell them all about atheism.

That usually works but when they persist, I remind them that they're trespassing and close the door.

I'm not normally a rude person but damnded if I'm going to be polite to somebody who bothers me in my home and tries to force their beliefs on me.

Screw that.

I'm nicer to sales people as long as they are nice. They aren't trying to force their beliefs down my throat, they're trying to make an honest living. Huge difference in my opinion.

Edited by Maharincess
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I go to church, and I hate it when they knock on my door, Maharincess.

We used to have all-church visitation when I was a teenager. I hated it. It's not generally effective either. People don't like strangers knocking in their doors and asking to come in and talk. It's not as bad if you are visiting someone you know, particularly if you are there to help with something specific that they don't mnd you helping with, or someone who has asked for a visit but cold-knocking is awful to do and awful to get.

Around here at least, most churches don't do it any more, except that one really conservative one.

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I'm an atheist but I have nothing but respect for what anybody wants to believe in. Just don't try to poopoo my beliefs while trying to shove yours down my throat.

I don't mean you you auntlada, I mean the general you.

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What I do when the Jesus folks show up at my door, which is on a private road with a no trespassing sign at the bottom of the hill, is to ask for their address so I can knock on their door and tell them all about atheism.

That usually works but when they persist, I remind them that they're trespassing and close the door.

That reminds me of a guy who told me that whenever Jehovah's witnesses came to his door, he always greeted them with a huge smile and asked them if they could help him become the Pope, telling them that that was his aim in life. According to him, that always got them to leave as fast as they could and gave him a few years' respite until  a new batch of volunteers showed up. Haven't tried it myself (my first approach of listening politely, because hey, I thought it must be hell to HAVE to do this door-to-door thingie and to be shut off everywhere they go, was not super successful: I took the bunch of brochures, even looked at them later out of curiosity and was appalled by the very low level of brain function that was expected from readers - talk about aiming low... - and then I got repeat visits and had to put the kibbosh on these in a less gentle way), but I'm planning to play up the crazy next time, just for fun and giggles.

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My Dad always nodded and smiled, and then told them he had to go to the bathroom.

 

Speaking as someone who has spent much of her life standing at street corners talking  to scorning men , I just wish that the organizations I otherwise support (like Greenpeace and Planned Parenthood) didn't feel the need to depend so much on paid help.  ( I'm in NYC and there are all too many paid shills here on the streets of this walking city.) All that shaming of anyone who doesn't sign or donate - does NOT  increase the numbers of real supporters, as all the peeves here would tend to indicate.  All too many groups have been doing it over the last fifteen or so years and it seems to me now as it always has, as a bad long term support strategy.  And it's not like there is any shortage of people who would do it for free!  Standing out in the street and having to actually EXPLAIN and defend my position to strangers was tremendously helpful to me - just to mention the most obvious benefit, it helped me to recognize when I was wrong.

Edited by ratgirlagogo
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I'm an atheist but I have nothing but respect for what anybody wants to believe in. Just don't try to poopoo my beliefs while trying to shove yours down my throat.

I don't mean you you auntlada, I mean the general you.

 

Oh, I know. That's one reason I feel so comfortable here. We all clearly have different beliefs, but seem to get along anyway (at least as far as I can tell), which is rare on the Internet, I think.

 

I just wanted you to know that some of us who have been on the other side of the door hated it, too. I always prayed (literally, and I'm using that word correctly) no one would be home, which I think was not the point.

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I know some people who use ASL (American Sign Language) to run people off.  I took classes in sign and one of my teachers who was a CODA (Child Of Deaf Adults) used to tell us just signing freaked people out!  They acted like being deaf was contagious.  Of course it stands to reason the [solicitors] would be unlikely to know sign and wouldn't want to waste their time with someone who can't hear their spiel !

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Speaking of unwanted solicitors, I saw a great sign in someone's driveway yesterday:

 

We are too poor to buy anything.

We know who we're voting for.

We already found Jesus.

 

Unless you are giving away free beer

GO AWAY

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Today's pet peeve: calling just about any activity one doesn't like bullying.  Bullying has a specific meaning, and is a serious problem, especially in this internet era - quite frankly, if I had a young teen I think I'd live in fear - and I think that's diminished when anything and everything gets labeled as bullying. 

 

It's similar to categorizing any negative interaction as abusive.  It's important to acknowledge abuse takes many forms other than physical, but the definition of abuse emphasizes characteristics like "extreme" or "habitual" -- it does not automatically apply any time someone yells or insults.

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I wouldn't use the word "extreme" to characterize abuse, for the reason that you actually stated - that it takes many forms other than physical. When something is categorized as needing to be extreme, it's easy to minimize/dismiss actual abuse. "Habitual" is a good descriptor. I think also one has to consider the motivation, or what is the abuser trying to do? Abuse is about exerting power and control over someone. Someone being mad and snapping at me when I ask them a question is not abusive; a family member repeatedly telling me I'm worthless and disgusting is abusive.

 

I think of bullying as pretty similar to abuse, though in a different setting. Bullying is in more "public" settings like workplaces and schools, while abuse is by people close to someone - family/romantic/etc. - and where they are the most vulnerable - home/home-like setting.

 

As for calling something bullying when it's not - one example I can think of is when people take someone disagreeing with them as personally attacking them. Simply agreeing to disagree is something that seems lost on many people.

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Extreme doesn't mean physical, it just means ... well, extreme.  A high degree of whatever form we're talking about.  But harsh, which another dictionary uses rather than extreme, might be better (although there can certainly be a harsh insult that isn't abusive).

 

And characterizing disagreeing with someone as bullying them is primarily what I was thinking of with my peeve, as if the act of disagreement is per se bullying, regardless of how that disagreement is delivered. 

 

It's a more dangerous (because using the words to apply to lesser offenses leads to a dismissive attitude toward bullying/abuse in general) version of calling anyone who disagrees "a hater."  That used to be an effective way of characterizing someone who didn't genuinely disagree with what someone had said or done, but was just so unhinged by hatred of that person that they automatically objected to everything s/he did -- even where they'd have loved it coming from someone else.  Now it's used to dismiss anyone who disagrees.

Edited by Bastet
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On the other end, I read a story today about a girl who is receiving death threats online and by text, and whoever is doing it is also stalking her and taking photos of her inside her home and texting her about things she did inside her home. Her whole family is living as though they were in a war zone because of it. The article called it bullying, and while bullying is certainly a serious thing and should be taken more seriously than it usually is, I think that behavior is no longer bullying. I think it has gone way past bullying.

On a less serious peeve, I hate the word "kiddos" and wish people would stop using it.

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Today's pet peeve: calling just about any activity one doesn't like bullying.  Bullying has a specific meaning, and is a serious problem, especially in this internet era - quite frankly, if I had a young teen I think I'd live in fear - and I think that's diminished when anything and everything gets labeled as bullying. 

 

Get outta my head! I was just fuming about this on my drive home. For instance, if you publish a book and it gets negative reviews from some readers - that's not bullying. You are not a victim. People are allowed to dislike something you put out there public consumption, and no one owes anyone constant praise and 5 star reviews. And you're not a victim of bullying if you ask someone to check out your blog and they say they didn't like it. SHEESH. Bullying is such a real and serious topic, I hate how the term has been co-opted.

 

On the other end, I read a story today about a girl who is receiving death threats online and by text, and whoever is doing it is also stalking her and taking photos of her inside her home and texting her about things she did inside her home. Her whole family is living as though they were in a war zone because of it. The article called it bullying, and while bullying is certainly a serious thing and should be taken more seriously than it usually is, I think that behavior is no longer bullying. I think it has gone way past bullying.

 

How about stalking and malicious harassment, for starters. :(

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First post:  I think the sky is blue.

Second post:  I think the grass is green.

 

Sort of related (especially in Real Housewives threads): 

Third post (in response to second post): "Really? Um...wow. So you don't think the sky is blue then? Agree to disagree!"

And, in keeping with the "how she aged" clickbait, I hate the links on Facebook with titles like, "He puts two ingredients in the oven, and I can't believe it!" WHO THE FUCK ARE THE "I" AND THE "ME," damn it?! I hate that. I write and edit for a living and constantly have to tell people at my job to stop writing product copy or social-media company posts with "I" and "me." Use "we" and "us" (as in "all of us here at This Company") unless the copy has a byline. No one knows who is saying what if the Facebook page--which is just the business name--or promo e-mail has "I" or "me" in it!

 

My pet peeve:  SNORING!!!  Oh.My.God.  During our vacation, my "significant other" (man) shared the same hotel room w/me & my Granddaughters, and I'm certain I didn't get more than 4 hours' sleep a night.  It was absolutely horrible!  I even brought a "white noise" machine, but even that wouldn't work to lessen the sound.  I was exhausted every day, fairly bitchy & I finally got sick w/sore throat & cough.  Note:  When we first started dating he didn't snore AT ALL.  He's gained 40 lbs. since.  I've read that even skinny people snore, however, I'm so pissed at him right now I can hardly see straight. He does NOT have sleep apnea -- trust me...I was awake for hours & he never once gasped for air.

 

Ugh, I am in this loud and annoying boat too. What gets on my damn nerves most though is that my BF won't take any initiative to try to stop it. I understand if he can't but, hey, hi, I live here too and am a human being who needs sleep sometimes. And worse! Don't you even fucking dare fall asleep on the couch at like 4pm and start snoring! NO! You need a nap, fine. But I should not have to listen to it in daylight hours too, man!

Edited by TattleTeeny
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As for calling something bullying when it's not - one example I can think of is when people take someone disagreeing with them as personally attacking them.

 

With regards to discussions boards, if others also post to disagree with Person A, they're "piling on" or "ganging up" on the bullying. Balls! Person A needs to accept that he/she has a minority viewpoint and stop being so damned butt hurt.

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But why not? What are you wearing instead?  Presumably pants, so what's the difference between putting on a pair of jeans and putting on a pair of wool trousers or cotton slacks?

 

Haha, I don't think I own a single thing that could be called "trousers" or "slacks." Also, I look good in jeans (faded old Levi's with a flare preferably) and T-shirts. Luckily I can wear them to work, though I opt for dresses (super-short or super-long, no knee-length), usually vintage. If someone wants to go to Target in their jim-jams, it makes no difference to me--it's all clothing of some kind and not affecting me in any way.

That said, you better get dressed up on Halloween or I might get mad!

Edited by TattleTeeny
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Sort of related (especially in Real Housewives threads): 

Third post (in response to second post): "Really? Um...wow. So you don't think the sky is blue then? Agree to disagree!"

 

Along those lines, I often hate the phrase "agree to disagree." Sometimes people mean it in a good-natured, nice way, but it often seems to me that the person is passively aggressively saying, "You can disagree if you want, but you're still wrong." I think there are ways to end an argument without having to say that, and one of them is just to quit arguing. (Coming from a long line of people who argued for entertainment, I know this can be very difficult. Sometimes I feel strongly about things, and that's why I argue. Sometimes, it's just fun. No one in my extended family argued in a mean way. There were no knock-down, drag-out fights, and nobody got mad at anyone else. They just argued and had a good time doing it.)

Haha, I don't think I own a single thing that could be called "trousers" or "slacks." Also, I look good in jeans (faded old Levi's with a flare preferably) and T-shirts. Luckily I can wear them to work, though I opt for dresses (super-short or super-long, no knee-length), usually vintage. If someone wants to go to Target in their jim-jams, it makes no difference to me--it's all clothing of some kind and not affecting me in any way.

That said, you better get dressed up on Halloween or I might get mad!

 

I rarely dress up for Halloween any more. The boy is too old for me to go in my favorite costume: the mom who drinks Coke and eats all the child's candy.

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