S03.E07: New Girl, Old Grudges

[Elizabeth]

Stassi's Lady in Waiting Kristina,reeeeeeeeally  tryin to get  a spot in the windblown/slow mo opening montage.

 

 

Speaking of the intro.... I wish they kept FI Tom's bottle-catching FAIL! That was the best part!

[Carolina Girl]

 

I really think Kristen would have tried some seriously rapey style shit. It's clear she is obsessed, and even James is getting pissed about it, even though he's admitted he hates FI and loves to antagonize him. So she must be outta control with it.

 

 

I think that is PRECISELY why Tom makes sure someone is in the apartment when Kristen comes over - because she's so batshit crazy that if they were alone she'd immediately run to Ariana later and lie that she and Tom had made out/had sex/etc.

[jaync]

Yeah, that's the same green dress Kristen wears in her THs. Maybe it's the fanciest garment she has (or chose from a Bravo rack).

 

FI Tom smokes? I know most of the girls do, but I don't recall seeing any of the main guys with a cig.

[ScoobieDoobs]

FI Tom smokes? I know most of the girls do, but I don't recall seeing any of the main guys with a cig.

 

 

I just assumed all of them do.  Besides, he lived with Cigarette Sally for 6 years.  He's gotta stink as bad as she does at this point.

[psychoticstate]

I'm praying to the goddesses she turns up decked out in a tattered wedding dress a la a modern day Miss Havisham, topped off with a bouquet of dead calla lilies, reciting lines from Great Expectations, such as "Love her, love her, love her! If she favours you, love her. If she wounds you, love her. If she tears your heart to pieces—and as it gets older and stronger, it will tear deeper—love her, love her, love her!"

 

But I'm extremely perverse and twisted.  

 

And I've now had too much coffee and my caffeine-stimulated imagination is running wild with possibilities.  

 

God, I love you, Persnickety, because I was going to post the same thing.  If she shows up in any kind of wedding dress, but especially a rank, tattered one, I will pass out from glee. 

 

Vanderpump Rules needs to make Kristen Doute, Stalker happen.  I am on board for that.

 

Whoever compared The Nugget to a beady eyed rat - - nailed it.

 

I watched the First Look last night and I just don't find Vail all that attractive.  She's okay, I guess, but she looks rough.  Certainly not prettier than anyone else at Sur.

 

Add me to the short list of peoplewho find Schwartz attractive.  Although his lack of ambition and motivation would drive me insane.

[Persnickety1]

God, I love you, Persnickety, because I was going to post the same thing.  If she shows up in any kind of wedding dress, but especially a rank, tattered one, I will pass out from glee. 

 

Vanderpump Rules needs to make Kristen Doute, Stalker happen.  I am on board for that.

 

Whoever compared The Nugget to a beady eyed rat - - nailed it.

 

I watched the First Look last night and I just don't find Vail all that attractive.  She's okay, I guess, but she looks rough.  Certainly not prettier than anyone else at Sur.

 

Add me to the short list of peoplewho find Schwartz attractive.  Although his lack of ambition and motivation would drive me insane.

 

Back at ya, psychoticstate!

 

I'm right there with you on the Vail opinion.  I don't find her particularly attractive, either.

 

However, in the shark-infested waters that swirl around inside of SUR, she is fresh meat and Hammerhead Jax will pull out all of his wily charms (ew) to be the first to taste the chum.

 

I also agree about The Nugget observations.  You know, when she first came to the forefront last season and was having lunch with Scheana and discussing Kristen, I presumed her "I'm smarter than you, I'm prettier than you, and I'm cooler than you" bullshit was done tongue-in-cheek.  Damn, was I ever wrong about that.  I think she actually meant those words and continues to have a grossly inflated sense of self.

 

Nugget, you are wallowing in the same mud and feeding from the same Bravo trough as Kristen.  A little humility would go a long ways in making you more tolerable.  

 

BTW, did anyone else catch the way Schwartz went vertical on that couch as soon as he heard FI Tom telling Kristen about her and Jax fucking on the couch?  Like he was afraid he'd suddenly catch a case of cooties from it.  

 

Well, in his defense, goddess only knows what he could conceivably catch from that couch or any other piece of furniture on which these wankers have sexed it up.

 

And word of advice to Stassi:  Burn that white dress and never, ever buy anything even remotely similar to that style again.  EVER.  Kthxbai.  

Edited December 19, 2014 by Persnickety1

[walnutqueen]

Now I want to see Hotel Impossible's Anthony and his black light shine the truth on whose apartment is the stainiest.

 

And ... I just grossed MYSELF out.

 

Stassi's outfits just get incrementally worse with each episode.  I'm taking bets now on what she'll be wearing by the end of this season.

[fliptopbox]

Stassi's outfits just get incrementally worse with each episode.  I'm taking bets now on what she'll be wearing by the end of this season.

 

I am gunning for a poncho. Also possibly some type of cardigan twinset, like Charlotte York wore in SATC. Except on her it was age and class appropriate.

 

How can her boyfriend (who I hear is some kinda pervert shock jock on Sirius) basically wanna date a 26yr old masquerading as a midlife crisis Charlotte York? Minus the money, but chomping at the bit to be wife'd up and made a mommy...so it would seem.

Edited December 19, 2014 by fliptopbox

[Persnickety1]

Well, rock me, Amadeus...

 

I guess Busboy's sausage isn't the only variety our girl Cigarette Sally is indulging in these days.

 

She was totally nomming down a plate full of sausage when she and Busboy were dining al fresco with Scheana and Shay.

 

The same Cigarette Sally who made such a scene at the restaurant FI Tom took her to last season because they served meat and she was a vegetarian.

 

And mentioned this fact several times and refused to eat anything, even the vegetarian fare at that restaurant, while she berated FI Tom for not taking her vegetarian lifestyle into account when he chose that particular restaurant.  

 

Maybe she just needs a lot more protein in her diet since stalking FI Tom must be exhausting.  

 

(Don't judge, I always obsess over what these Bravo-lebrities order when they go out to eat and then scope out their plate for presentation)

Edited December 20, 2014 by Persnickety1

[walnutqueen]

Eagle eyes, Persnickety1 - I kinda lurve yours.  Now I wanna go back and watch what I missed.  Sort of.  In an abstract way.  Except for the whole "schedule a second recording of this crap" that my DVR should have a warning for.

 

Edited because my cat's paw nerdles (kinda like purse boogers) fuck with certain letters on my keyboard , and make me look like an idiot who cannot spell ...  :-)

Edited December 20, 2014 by walnutqueen

[Petunia13]

Vail's voice sounds a lot like Tara Reid and she looks a bit like her too.

[Ubiquitous]

I finally watched the entire ep this morning. I don't think there's anything else that can be said about Kristen obsessing over FI Tom and Arianna.

 

Way to make that cake for Peter all about you, StASSi! Self-centered much, bitch? What the fuck was she wearing to vanderPUMP's gay pride festivities? The fact that you are always hanging around these people you keep complaining about being losers says a lot more about you than them.

 

Lisa should be proud to know that she's big in the gay scene after seeing a drag queen version of herself next to another drag queen wearing a pink wig.

[OnceSane]

I'll give Cigarette Sally the benefit of the doubt, the sausages could have been tofu. I doubt it, but it's possible. And may that be the last time I pseudo-defend her.

[FozzyBear]

I'll give Cigarette Sally the benefit of the doubt, the sausages could have been tofu. I doubt it, but it's possible. And may that be the last time I pseudo-defend her.

I don't know what it is about Kristen, but I don't belive anything she says ever. She's the female Jax to me where I take what they say and apply the opposite. I'm not even sure why with her. Yes she lies, but they all do so I'm not sure why I've moved her from the "self serving bitch who lies to get out of shit" to the "Jax level pathological liar incapable of telling the truth that half believes her own crap" pile. I remember the S2 episode where she made a big fuss about being a vegitarian and assuming that she lied. It was partly because it seemed like newish info to Tom and partly because it's Kristen. I assumed at the time she's only a vegetarian when she has run out of other ways to be a pain in the ass. Seriously, the biggest defense Motor-boating Katie has in my mind is that Jax and Kristen say it happened. I wouldn't be surprised if Kristen is really a 45 year old Midwestern housewife named Sherry who murdered her husband and thinks a reality show is a great way to hide from the law. I don't trust anything about her.

Edited December 20, 2014 by FozzyBear

[KnoxForPres]

Fozzybear that post was made of so much win I can only say "well done".

So here's the part that concerns me. I know exactly how Kristen feels. I have been in that mind. Difference being I would fantasize dressing to the 9s and "bumping into" my ex, but never followed through. But I believe there was a time where I was certifiably insane after one particular breakup. Yet I didn't let the outside world know. That's the difference. And for hope for anyone out there who knows of the psycho I speak...four years later and he's texting me today, haha. So faking you're the Arianna type can pay off in spades ;)

Edited December 20, 2014 by KnoxForPres

[ScoobieDoobs]

Hate to say it, but I luvs me a really good down-and-out story.  So give us a good one, Vail, honey.  And make it really, really, really pathetic.  I wanna see dat mole on your mouth turn into 10 herpes sores after ya get with greasy Easter Island Head.  But you've got a lot of competition here in the pathetic department, Vail, dear.  I'm sure Kristen & Katie will give ya a strong run.

[walnutqueen]

Fozzybear that post was made of so much win I can only say "well done".

So here's the part that concerns me. I know exactly how Kristen feels. I have been in that mind. Difference being I would fantasize dressing to the 9s and "bumping into" my ex, but never followed through. But I believe there was a time where I was certifiably insane after one particular breakup. Yet I didn't let the outside world know. That's the difference. And for hope for anyone out there who knows of the psycho I speak...four years later and he's texting me today, haha. So faking you're the Arianna type can pay off in spades ;)

 

Knoxie, babie - you are not alone.  I lost my ever fucking GOURD after my last "break-up/devastating betrayal".  Channelled all my Kristen cray-cray into selling guns for Shopping Channel baubles.  Just as shameful as stalkerish behavior, and just as destructive.  ;-)

 

 

ETA - am I whetting your salaciously voracious appetite yet, Scoobs?!  :-D

Edited December 20, 2014 by walnutqueen

[BogoGog24]

She could have been eating quorn sausages, they're basically meat free sausages.

[ScoobieDoobs]

I'm just so hooked on hard-luck actress stories.  I know, I know, bad Scoobie, bad Scoobie.  Smack me a thousand times on da back of my hand with a wet noodle, but I'm so hoping the scriptwriters (er, producers, yeah, that's right, producers) will give us a juicy one here with Vail.  

 

How about -- Vail becomes roomies with Kristen and maybe . . . Amanda Bynes?  And they all go shopping for wedding dresses . . . er, with Kathy Hilton.  Why?  Cuz Paris knows Muppet Busboy James cuz she DJ'ed with him.  And she & Kath hang out at SUR lookin' for a chance to be on the show.  Well, here's a chance for Kath.  So the gals are tryin' on wedding dresses with Kath, who'll eye them up-and-down & say sternly, "No, too cocktail waitress-y!"  

 

Kristen will smile, be flattered & head off (of course, while still wearing the wedding dress she just bartered for a 100 cartons of ciggies) & happily continue onto her latest FI stakeout.  Poor Vail will take a drink (& breakout the 10 bottles of Lisa's sangria she's just stolen & not-so-coyly hidden in her flouncy summer dress) & head over to Easter Island Head's place to get her next round of herpes sores.  

 

And poor Amanda will just stumble outside & fall asleep in a garbage can.  Er, there are garbage cans on the streets of LA, right?  Well, in Amanda's mind there are.  Guess she'll actually be sprawled out on the sidewalk, taking a snooze.  Schwartzie will walk by & not help her -- cuz Schwartzie never helps any woman.  Dat's just Schwartzie.  Oh yeah, and maybe he'll have yet another panic attack, but he'll look puppy dog cute doin' it.  Er, cuz dat's just Schwartzie.

 

ETA - am I whetting your salaciously voracious appetite yet, Scoobs?!  :-D

 

 

Hell yeah!

Edited December 20, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[Persnickety1]

She could have been eating quorn sausages, they're basically meat free sausages.

 

I think she said it was bratwurst (or some type of "wurst").  I'll have to watch it again (oh the humanity!) to make sure.

 

Not that I mind watching this train wreck again.  I seem to miss golden moments in every episode because I'm guffawing like a mad woman watching it.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

FI Tom + Vail + Kristen = Play Misty For Me

 

Yup, I can totally see Kristen tying Vail down and cutting off random hanks of her hair and taking shears to destroy a portrait of FI Tom.

 

Coffee grog, anyone?  

Edited December 21, 2014 by Persnickety1

[walnutqueen]

Yes, please, Persnickety1 - and don't be so stingy with the grog.  :-)

 

Play Misty For Me - I DIE!

[SFoster21]

Yes, please, Persnickety1 - and don't be so stingy with the grog. :-)

Play Misty For Me - I DIE!

The original Fatal Attraction. And scarier. Plus Clint is worth obsessing over.

[walnutqueen]

One of my exes was a dead ringer for a young Clint Eastwood.  Which almost became a fatal attraction for me.  sigh

Edited December 21, 2014 by walnutqueen

[Persnickety1]

The original Fatal Attraction. And scarier. Plus Clint is worth obsessing over.

 

 

Trivia time:

* My parents actually almost bought the house Play Misty for Me was filmed in but backed out at the last minute because my brother was a toddler and the little creek running through it scared my mother.

* My grandmother worked for Clint Eastwood as his private babysitter back in the late 60s/early 70s.  Best part?  Granny told him she loved him as a person but didn't like his movies.  His reaction?  He laughed, hugged her, and told her he appreciated her honesty.  She just loved him to death, and I think he loved her, too.  

* I then worked for Clint Eastwood for 3 years at Pebble Beach Resorts.  Granny was right...Super nice man and boss, humble and down to earth.  

 

We're HUGE Clint Eastwood supporters, as you can tell.  

 

SFoster, I absolutely agree.  Given a choice between the two, I'll watch Play Misty for Me every time.  Plus that Carmel/Monterey/Pacific Grove scenery just be topped for me.

 

I guess if Kristen starts reciting Annabelle Lee or gifts FI Tom with a gigantic stuffed toy to keep an eye on him, he had better take cover!  

Edited December 21, 2014 by Persnickety1

[ScoobieDoobs]

I won't be happy unless we see crazy Kristen camping out on FI 's doorstep in a tattered wedding dress -- downing a Vanderpump Sangria bottle in one hand & chain smoking with the other.

[lasandi]

Just saw last nights episode, Jax is so unattractive and I can't stand anything about him. Texting the troops, whoa is me just broke up with girlfriend. Only to find when friends come to hold his hand, it was just a ploy for camera time. Probably producer induced.

[The Mighty Peanut]

Really? Then why is she styling what looked to be WET hair when she was at Muppet James's apartment? If she was out to "celebrate" with her "best friend", wouldn't her hair have already been done? Did she need to re-style prior to meeting up with her ex? What does THAT say about her? And where has this BFF, "Rachel", been all of these years??? Mmmmmhmmmm.

I don't technically have to fulfill my resolution to be nicer until 2015, so...that wasn't water, that was grease. Aaaahhhh the evil it feels sooo goooood

[ghoulina]

LOL, with Kristen you would probably never be able to tell whether she'd just been in the shower or not. Because yea, that hair is awful....

[lunastartron]

I watched this episode belatedly due to the holiday but, wow, James actually has demonstrable talent in my opinion. He's clearly not an artist or innovator on the order of, say, Kanye West, but I thought his song for Scheana was, compositionally speaking, as good as anything I've heard from Kandi, for example. The finished product sounds kind of raw/unpolished because of its brevity- it seems to need another chorus or two. Additionally, I'm not sure if James is less adept at production, if he didn't have the necessary equipment, or if he followed Scheana's lead on the matter, but he still should have autotuned the fuck out of her voice even if she speaks more than sings on the track, like to 808s and Heartbreak levels a la Kim Zolciak . . . Kristen may seem more unhinged with her edit and actions in each episode, but I just get a kick out of it at this point. . . Tom Sandoval once struck me as one of the more reasonable members of the cast, but he increasingly registers as a bitter Betty. Wasn't he drama queening about losing James as his "best friend" due to Kristen's nefarious machinations at last year's reunion? . . . Vail does seem very skilled at projecting niceness with being cloying. That's actually not so easy of a feat.

[Shelby]

I'm defending a vegetarian, not Kristen.

There were some comments about Kristen eating sausage after she had a fit at Tom for taking her to a meat-centric place.

The meal in question took place at Berlin Currywurst. Upon looking at their menu, they have two different tofu options of the dish.

[methodwriter85]

One of my exes was a dead ringer for a young Clint Eastwood.  Which almost became a fatal attraction for me.  sigh

 

    If he looked like Scott Eastwood did in this Town and Country shoot, can I have his number please? LOL.

 

   I have this odd fascination with Jax and Kristen. What would happen if they reproduced?

 

    I cannot believe Vail is so desperate to be in front of the cameras again that she admitted that she needed to have her nose cauterized because of the hole she burned in her nose from cocaine. Seriously?

 

    I realized who Katie reminds me of- an older Bailey Madison. However, she's awesome and I don't see that with Katie. LOL.

[walnutqueen]

    If he looked like Scott Eastwood did in this Town and Country shoot, can I have his number please? LOL.

 

   I cannot believe Vail is so desperate to be in front of the cameras again that she admitted that she needed to have her nose cauterized because of the hole she burned in her nose from cocaine. Seriously?

 

methodwriter85 - yes, he looked like that a long time ago and no, I wouldn't give his number to the most despised woman on the planet.  I barely escaped with my life, for realz.

 

That nose cauterizing shit is SO 1980s.  These kids really can't have an original thought now, can they?  :-)

[Ubiquitous]

I'm defending a vegetarian, not Kristen.

There were some comments about Kristen eating sausage after she had a fit at Tom for taking her to a meat-centric place.

The meal in question took place at Berlin Currywurst. Upon looking at their menu, they have two different tofu options of the dish.

I noticed it was Shay, not her, who got the bratwurst.

[Maharincess]

Kristen Doute.

Is her last name pronounced Doody or Doudy?

Either one fits her.

[ghoulina]

I believe it's Dough-dee.