Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Mindymoo]

Thank you everyone! We are going to have it a little unconventional. A mix of Polish food (homemade pierogi, since I am the pierogi queen), Japanese (sushi), Thai (summer rolls and pad Thai) and Indian (Samosas and chicken korma.) Probably a salad and some crudites. It's at a winery, so wine and beer will be offered. It will be casual, other than the saris and caftans that the bridal party and my parents/Busia are wearing. Frankly, I'm inviting everyone to wear a sari or caftan if they want, because they're so comfortable and relatively inexpensive. The one I'm looking at is under $100. We're doing henna, too. We're not having a DJ, because I have a PA system and I'm going to have a mix of nothing but Rush, Pink Floyd, Frank Zappa, The Who, The Grateful Dead, Yes and The Beatles. Maybe a little Sinatra since me and Busia both love him. I'm singing and playing the guitar for my wedding vows to Cindy, and they are the song "Here, There and Everywhere" by The Beatles. The venue is a winery on Lake Erie, but it's not the gross icky part of Lake Erie- the water is actually blue! We went wine touring when a wedding was taking place, and it was just the loveliest thing. The song first song we're dancing to as a married couple is "Love Reign O'er Me" by The Who. I haven't chosen a song to dance with my dad to yet, he'll probably choose something by The Dead or something. I'm going to have a dance with my Busia too, because she's just the best, and is the most supportive woman ever. My aunt and uncle from Florida are going to be a prominent part of our wedding, because although I'm an atheist, he is my godfather and I came out to them right after I came out to my Busia. They've been nothing but loving and supportive of me and Cindy's relationship, and I want them to stand up for us at the wedding. I just want everyone to have a nice time, and when the evening is over, we're heading over to the casino, since our hotel is Caesar's Windsor. We thought it would be cute to have the wedding party take pictures in our attire in the lobby, and maybe play some roulette or something on our lucky day. It's so nice to look at our day in realistic terms, instead of "if we are ever allowed to get married, it would be nice to do XYX".

[Pixie Chicken]

Congrats to you, Mindy McIndy!

 

Jenniferbug, that STINKS!  I hope you're at least comfortable in the last few days.  I'll be going in for an induction sometime next week, and once that date is set, I know I'll be peeved if it moves!  My husband is actually hoping for Wednesday, though, and thinks it's a cool birthday, 7-8-15, since 7+8=15.  At least there's that, lol.

 

Skittl, I agree with the other posters to ask around and to check with your OB.  Are there maybe some Bradley groups on FB that can point you in the right direction?  I'm thinking maybe some of these things are regional, too.  I live near a large midwestern city, and our hospital classes were heavy on the Lamaze technique and very much poo-pooed any kind of medicinal pain relief.  I'm a big fan of the epidural, and the class instructor was very quick to tell us that a birthing ball and hot tub are just as good.  That's not to say that my preferred method of pain relief is the best way -- different strokes, right? -- but don't tell me that a birthing ball is going to give me the kind of relief that drugs will.  That's just misleading.  Ditto for the breastfeeding class that told us that it's the easiest and most natural thing in the world, when it can actually be really tricky.  What was meant to be encouraging to pregnant mothers made me feel like an awful failure when my firstborn came early and couldn't latch properly.  I think what's really important, though, is that you're asking questions early and informing yourself of your options long before you need to make decisions.  Good for you for taking the initiative!

 

Wanderwoman, if you're lurking, know that your family remains in my thoughts and prayers.  Update when you feel comfortable.

[Wellfleet]

Happy - the news about your friend Brad just plain stinks. And Alzheimer's stinks. You are clearly heartbroken and it's completely understandable. Sometimes I think we need to come up with a "ribbon" program for Alzheimer's as we did for AIDS and for breast cancer. Get the word out there! Get the word out and get it solved! A "polio project" for our generation. It is much more common that we want to believe, and it's headed our way. If not ourselves personally, to people we love. If you haven't seen it, check out the movie Still Alice. Julianne Moore won the Oscar for it this Spring and it's all about an early-onset Alzheimer's patient. Highly recommend it.

[Micks Picks]

All right there are so many things I don't know.  What's a reduction?  When the first poster mentioned one I thought she was referring to reducing the number of fetuses she was carrying, but now a few others have mentioned it, even post pregnancy, so that can't be it.   What are you all talking about?

[NEGirl]

Mindy - Congratulations and best wishes for many happy years for the both of you.

 

Seashell - Have a great vacation !

Edited July 7, 2015 by NEGirl

[HundFan]

Breast reduction, Micks Picks.

Edited July 7, 2015 by HundFan

[Micks Picks]

Oh thank you.  I thought it was something with pregnancy.  I've known a couple of childless females who had breast reductions, expensive, and initially painful, but ending up leaving them feeling so much better.

[HundFan]

Many mothers also have breast reductions, either before or after having children. Opting for this procedure is rarely a vanity matter (though being unable to find properly fitting clothing is both embarrassing and problematic); rather, most procedures are mandated by serious back and shoulder pain. Many private insurers now cover this surgery for medical reasons. Kaiser made me wait over a year because of a scheduling backlog - but ultimately performed my surgery for a nominal fee. There - now I've truly overshared.

Edited July 7, 2015 by HundFan

[NextIteration]

From the experience side of the mommy wars... with all the best intentions I went into my first delivery planning no meds Lamaze - that went out the window when my water broke 3 weeks early and the back labor kicked in and they used an internal fetal monitor, at that point I felt like everything was going "wrong" and then my mother quietly talked to me and said "there is nothing going wrong you are bringing my first grandchild into the world and whatever makes you comfortable and brings me that grandchild is good".  I was petrified of an epidural, but so relieved when I received it.  She didn't want to latch either, but we got there eventually after much frustration for both of us.  I sort of regret my son's circumcision because it wasn't done quite right and he has a tag of skin left that isn't helpful, and we had discussed it for a long time ahead of time, me against it, my spouse for it.  I would never judge any woman's decisions on these topics, it's all just so personal, and stuff happens no matter how much you plan.

 

So happy for you MIndy, Congrats!  And what a great opportunity for all of you, Seashell Lover, have a wonderful time!  I hope you get the perfect birthday induction date Pixie!

Edited July 7, 2015 by NextIteration

[GeeGolly]

Pregnant women & new mommies need to repeat the mantra - My body, my baby, my boobs, my baby.

[Skittl1321]

First- congratulations Mindy!

 

 

And thank you everyone for sharing their Bradley experiences.  I'm early enough along, that I think I am going to get the Hypnobabies homestudy, and if I find I can't get through it without laughing my ass off (I just keep of Chandler from Friends being hypnotised to stop smoking "I am a strong independent woman..."), then I will sign up for the Bradley class.  Husband is just really hesitant about that class though... it is 12 weeks, 2-3 hours a week!  There is also a "Mindful Birthing" class in the city, that is a total of 6 hours over 2 weekends, I'm looking at.  I've read a lot of good hypnobabies birth stories though, and I think the philosophy of relaxing through the pain fits well with why I want an unmedicated birth.  (Basically- when I broke my neck in high school I was temporarily paralyzed from the chin down and told I might not walk again. No amount of pain will make me give up feeling in my legs. I consider the fact that I can feel them to be an incredible gift.)

 

We will do the hospital class, but it is two hours including the facility tour, so I can't imagine there is much going on there. It says it covers "comfort, relaxation, and breathing for delivery".

 

I'm not against necessary medical intervention like a C-section (and obviously would take anesthesia in that case, because it isn't really optional for that type of surgery), that is NOT a failure to me.  And getting an epidural isn't a failure in my eyes when other people do it, but - it isn't an option FOR ME.  My OB has offered IV-meds, but I worry about how those can cross over to the baby, so I don't really like that idea.

[GeeGolly]

... And getting an epidural isn't a failure in my eyes when other people do it, but - it isn't an option FOR ME...

I'm not sure if you were referring to the epidural and wanting to be able to feel your legs. You can feel and move your legs with an epidural, it is a spinal that numbs you waist to toes.

 

I think it is great that you are exploring different avenues. Good luck!

[Skittl1321]

I'm not sure if you were referring to the epidural and wanting to be able to feel your legs. You can feel and move your legs with an epidural, it is a spinal that numbs you waist to toes.

 

I think it is great that you are exploring different avenues. Good luck!

 

The OB told me with the epidural I would not be allowed to walk around the room, and she couldn't guarantee feeling in my legs remained.

[NextIteration]

The OB told me with the epidural I would not be allowed to walk around the room, and she couldn't guarantee feeling in my legs remained.

 

Skittl1321 - they can't and I'm glad she was honest with you.

 

Baby Number 1 - 2 Epidurals, 2nd one was too close to delivery and the nurses had to move my legs around and tell me when to push, I couldn't feel a damn thing.

Baby Number 2 - 1 Epidural perfectly timed, and I could move about - as far as delivery "feeling" it just felt like burning and I could feel when to push and all that.

Edited July 7, 2015 by NextIteration

[Jenniferbug]

Pixie Chicken, maybe we'll both get to have our babies tomorrow! I hadn't realized that about the date, so that's cool :-)

Skittl, it sounds like you're exploring your options and like you said, you've got time! I'm very pro-epidural for myself but never judge or begrudge others their choice to not have one. When I was induced with my daughter (medically necessary) the on call OB asked how I felt about c-sections if it came to that, and I told her that I didn't really care how my baby got here, as long as she got here safely and in good health. I think overall that's the outcome that should be focused on.

Breast feeding is a whole other realm of pressure. Our post partum nurse was actually quite nasty to me about it- I was nursing and the baby was latching, but the nurse seemed to think I wasn't feeding her for long enough. Which was incredibly frustrating for me because I couldn't make my daughter drink more and she never seemed like she was still hungry when she'd stop. I was in tears a lot that day until the nursing staff changed. Once we got home and I didn't have someone pressuring me all the time, we did much better.

[NextIteration]

Pixie Chicken, maybe we'll both get to have our babies tomorrow! I hadn't realized that about the date, so that's cool :-)

Our post partum nurse was actually quite nasty to me

 

That would be neat!

 

My first post postpartum nurse was sooo bad, I delivered at 9:20 pm and was out by 12:45 pm the next day.  She was militant and I was in no mood!

[GEML]

A great nurse is worth her weight in gold. I left the hospital early rather than deal with the one I knew coming on the next shift. (I'm not someone who stays in hospitals anyway, so that just made things easier!). But I loved the one who checked me out.

[HundFan]

Skittl - one last thought on childbirth preparation: I'd research whatever classes Kate Middleton used. No pain meds involved and both times she was out smiling for the press mere hours after delivering, cradling a gorgeous, healthy baby as the wind gently tousled her long, lustrous hair. Seems to me any birth plan that involves a postpartum hair and make-up team is clearly the way to go!  ;)

[Skittl1321]

Skittl - one last thought on childbirth preparation: I'd research whatever classes Kate Middleton used. No pain meds involved and both times she was out smiling for the press mere hours after delivering, cradling a gorgeous, healthy baby as the wind gently tousled her long, lustrous hair. Seems to me any birth plan that involves a postpartum hair and make-up team is clearly the way to go!  ;)

I hear the British get gas and air to help take off the edge a bit. The friends I've talk to still "count" that as unmedicated.

I think the hair and make-up team are key though.  Not sure I'll have those.

[HundFan]

Hadn't heard the "gas and air" bit re the Brits. Makes it sound like they stop at a L & D service station.

[BitterApple]

Kate might have felt like shit but she's good at faking it. I saw a couple pregnancy pics of her at charity events where she was smiley and working the crowd but her eyes looked exhausted and you could tell she was wearing tons of concealer to cover up dark circles. I think she has a tough time with pregnancy so she's probably relieved by the time she finally delivers.

[Mindymoo]

I'm never having kids (had a hysterectomy in March for adhesions and menorrhagia, and my fiancee doesn't want to carry a pregnancy either) but if I did, I would want to have it done the way my Busia did it: knock me out for about four days so I don't feel a thing and am not even conscious, and give me the baby when it's all cleaned up and cute looking. Which is probably why I'm better off raising cats, bunnies and sloths.

Edited July 7, 2015 by Mindy McIndy

[Skittl1321]

Hadn't heard the "gas and air" bit re the Brits. Makes it sound like they stop at a L & D service station.

I've always assumed that it is like the gas the dentist gives you when you get a tooth filled.  Isn't going to do a ton, but makes you feel better about it.  I don't know if it is the same though.

 

 

I agree- Kate was probably faking it, and a good makeup team goes miles towards allowing that. After waving for a few minutes, she is probably thrilled to get in the car and sit on an icepack!

[HundFan]

After you mentioned it Skittl, I researched "gas and air." It's called Entonox and is a 50-50 mix of oxygen and nitrous (what Americans know as dental "laughing gas"). Though weaker than opiates, Entonox doesn't cross the placenta and some 80% of UK women use this to address labor pain. (Is that you Kate?) Nearly all UK hospitals and midwives are authorized to provide it, the latter even when a woman gives birth at home. The trick is supposedly to inhale at the start of each contraction, then allow yourself to breathe normally (and come down off the "high") in between. In addition to its outright pain relief, Entonox supposedly also helps distract you from the pain.

 

When researching this, I discovered many UK women also use TENS units during labor. I can't recall all the words behind this acronym (trans-muscular electrical neuro-something stimulation, I think), but I once used one of these little buzzing electrical stimulators for back pain after a rock climbing fall. I really hate it when, after I'm all done with something (like childbirth), people come up with much smarter and better ideas. It was the same thing with strollers and pacifiers. Geez. So does this new info make you want to go to England just before your due date? 

Edited July 7, 2015 by HundFan

[GEML]

There are US hospitals that use laughing gas. I think it's a really reputable idea for women who don't want to be medicated, but do need a rest at some point during the labor. There ARE alternatives other than epidural/no epidural. And if more women looked into them, they might be surprised! :)

[Pixie Chicken]

The OB told me with the epidural I would not be allowed to walk around the room, and she couldn't guarantee feeling in my legs remained.

Skittl, there is a difference between a spinal and an epidural, as another poster said, but from what I understand, most epidurals are done is such a way that they can easily be switched to a spinal if the need arises, like an emergency C-section.  I've had two epidurals, and both times, I was numb from just below my boobs to my toes.  Feeling didn't return until 1-2 hours after birth.  I found that to be just glorious, but given your history, I'd find that freaky too.  Good for you for knowing your limits!

[Mountainair]

I was very adamant about having my babies naturally until my mother in law asked me, "Why? Just so you can say you did?" and while that's not the only thing that factored into my mind I thought it was a good point. Babies are born every day just fine with the use of medication to help the mother and I wasn't really trying to go for saint hood or anything. So, I changed my stance. I labored as long as I could at home with my first one (Got to the hospital and I was dilated 6cm already) with the second one I was induced. With both babies they were on my bladder so bad and with each contraction I literally peed myself every time (with the first I threw up with every contraction as they started intensifying). I couldn't take it anymore and when they nurse said, "It's now or never" for the epidural I gladly accepted it. 

 

All this to say, do what you want but as with anything, plans and circumstances change and I've known too many people gung-ho on a certain delivery plan that any deviation from the plan was cause for melt down central, where that is not always in the best interest of the baby.

[bluebonnet]

Geez all these things I didn't even know about labor is freaking me out and I'm now sort of hoping that I don't get pregnant because I think I'm too lazy/scared to really look into this stuff.  I'm intersex so fertility is, um, complicated, to say the least.  The insurance my partner and I have covers fertility treatments so we figured we'd try it out this summer since I'm on break (i'm a school teacher) while also spending this time preparing an adoption packet.  I spent the last year immersed in adoption and fertility literature and meetings that I seem to have forgotten all about the pregnancy and labor part.  Ugh.  And of course I've now gone off to google search some of this stuff (Lamaze, Bradley, La Leche) and I'm totally aghast at all of the mommy war stuff.  It almost feels demoralizing to think I could go through all of this fertility crap or if that doesn't work the adoption leg work only to get to the other side and then have to defend all the choices we make to make sure our child is healthy and happy.  

 

Ok, end pity rant.  I'm on another two week wait and it seems all my anxiety comes out during this time.  

[Skittl1321]

I was very adamant about having my babies naturally until my mother in law asked me, "Why? Just so you can say you did?"

No, it's clearly to say you are a better Mom than the people who didn't.

 

/sarcasm.   

 The insurance my partner and I have covers fertility treatments so we figured we'd try it out this summer since I'm on break (i'm a school teacher) while also spending this time preparing an adoption packet.

Good luck to you whichever route you go.

 

It is amazing your insurance covers fertility treatments. I've learned most just cover testing.  Then I assume they laugh their asses off at the men and women who now know they can't get pregnant without help, but cannot afford to attempt it.

 

You may need longer than a summer break to try. 3 months is really quick.

[CherryMalotte]

I had a fairly easy pregnancy, except for the fact that she sprawled in the womb, laid all nice and stretched out in utero.  Lazy in womb, lazy outside...but do understand I do love my child, will kill the first man thing that breaks her heart, will defend her to the death.  

 

However...having said that I have to say, all that glowing, Earth Mother, 'oh it's so wonderful bringing life into the world' stuff - what a load of horseshit.  It's messy and it's horribly horribly painful.  And the boobs and the stretch marks and all the other junky yucky stuff that I won't get into because frankly I'm eating dinner soon.  The whole birth process - it's over rated.

[zenme]

However...having said that I have to say, all that glowing, Earth Mother, 'oh it's so wonderful bringing life into the world' stuff - what a load of horseshit.  It's messy and it's horribly horribly painful.  And the boobs and the stretch marks and all the other junky yucky stuff that I won't get into because frankly I'm eating dinner soon.  The whole birth process - it's over rated

 

It's awful to say, but I cried when I found out I was pregnant with baby #2.  I remembered being sick, tired, feeling so unattractive--even with vitamins my naturally wavy hair lost body and luster.  Yes! The stretch marks...awful! Of course, the birthing process was sheer torture.   It's horrible, and just when you think that you're in so much pain that you can take no more, they tell you that you're only dilated to 4cm. 

[HundFan]

Everyone's different. I loved being pregnant - and though giving birth wasn't exactly a spa day, I'd do it all over twice and again knowing the end result was my two wonderful girls!

 

[Mindymoo]

With my health issues and genetic disorders, even if I still had a uterus, I would never have been able to survive a pregnancy. My mom had a full breech with my brother- he came out butt first, and they wouldn't call in the anesthesiologist because they didn't want to wake him up. (This was in 1982.) They had to keep him wrapped tightly for the first few weeks of his life because when they'd unwrap him, his ankles would fold back up to his shoulders. My mom had to have reconstructive surgery, and it's amazing she ended up having me at all, though my birth wasn't nearly as traumatic. I have to give it to you moms, even if I was capable of giving birth, I don't think I could ever do it.

[kalamac]

I won't be having kids, but when my sister had her two, she breezed through. For her she said the pain did not even compare to her menstrual cramps. (We both have severe cramps, to the point where we get dizzy/nauseous/have pain that radiates right down our legs, and can't stand straight, apparently labour was nothing compared to that.)

 

My mother had 4 live births, and every one was different. Her firstborn, small baby with a big round head...lots of tearing. Her second, big baby overall, went for ages, completely exhausted her. Me (third), I was a month early, she was in full labour, completely dilated, when her contractions just stopped at near midnight, started up again at ten the next morning, and I was born an hour later (interestingly, between 10-11am has always been my natural wake-up time when left to my own devices), and my little brother was two weeks late, and the doctors had to manually break the waters.

Edited July 8, 2015 by kalamac

[Love2dance]

Edited because post was meant to be reassuring but now seems a little insensitive.

Edited July 9, 2015 by Love2dance

[GEML]

It really does vary. I wouldn't wish my pregnancies on my worst enemy, but I labor very well. Others feel labor is the best months of their lives. You really don't know what it will be until it happens, and then, the goal is still a child.

I will be so bold as to say having worked with parents of severe special needs, that there can be an undercurrent to wishing you could go back and do things differently. That isn't the same as wishing away a child you know and love, but if it was possible to do things completely differently....

Parenthood is complex, multi labored and never stops for some people. I respect all points of view, from the most glorious to the saddest.

[alt0233]

Skittl1321 - it's Carmen, and I just saw you posts about being pregnant, congrats! I am too, due early January.

I went into #1 thinking I wanted to try med free, but I didn't take a course or really prep for it and ended up with an epidural. I'll do more research than last time this time around, and I'm using the same doula too, so hopefully I'll have more luck. I hope you do too - I've ended up in a handful of crunchy mom groups and there are some that have had success with hypnobabies. Another thing all the natural birth moms say is that it'll hurt - and that's okay! It's supposed to hurt, and pain isn't necessarily a bad thing, so long as you're prepared to deal with it.

Good luck! <3

bluebonnet - my first baby was IVF, so I can totally relate to some of what you're going through. In some ways waiting a long time to get pregnancy is worse because you've had so long to mull things over and over think! Wishing you peace and the best of luck this two week wait!

Edited July 8, 2015 by alt0233

[Itsnotreality]

Just wanted to drop by and say two things...

Watched Anne of Green Gables (Megan Follows) last week. Know there are fans here. It is truly the antidote to Duggars.

Also last week met the most lovely lady who is an educator and specializes in working with kids with some hearing loss. Like many many people in similar lines of work she was just the most positive upbeat person and of course made me think of Maisie and happy that she will encounter people like that as she is growing up.

[Absolom]

It seems tougher to find the classes these days, but I did Lamaze and loved it.  It worked great for me.  One thing one instructor said is true of any prepared childbirth program.  You can only use in labor what you've practiced until you have it cold beforehand.  Good luck to all the prospective mamas and I concur with remembering the primary objective is a healthy baby and healthy mama and most of the rest is background noise. 

[abseedee]

I'll be in the outskirts of Honolulu! I've done a lot of research already. I love to be outside so it's pretty much all hiking/watersports/beach bumming!!

I'm so glad you won't be traveling to Honolulu until next week.  We are tracking a tropical depression that should pass by the Hawaiian chain this weekend.  I hope it doesn't turn into a tropical storm but if it does fingers crossed that it stays on the track it is now and move pass us northeast of the islands.

 

Do some beach bumming on our North Shore where the beaches are beautiful!  On the way, stop by Kahuku and have some shrimp and then shaved ice (with ice cream) in Haleiwa. =)

[Happyfatchick]

Tootin' my own horn!!! I just saw the forum for Rectify on the main page. I embroidered the seats for that set. Also did Halt and Catch Fire and I saw that one roll by not too terribly long ago. I know it's silly, but I love to see trailers go by for films and TV that I've done. Awww!!!

[Love2dance]

Good for you, HAPPYFATCHICK!

[Wellfleet]

Tootin' my own horn!!! I just saw the forum for Rectify on the main page. I embroidered the seats for that set. Also did Halt and Catch Fire and I saw that one roll by not too terribly long ago. I know it's silly, but I love to see trailers go by for films and TV that I've done. Awww!!!

 

Happy - post back sometime with a list of "your movies" if you ever have enough time - would love to see that. One of the very few daily blogs I read is written by a theater, voice & dialect coach who's also taught at prestigious theater programs in Boston and San Diego - and one day she shared a list of the many famous individuals she's worked with - twas really keen! Her husband is an actor too - and I think she did his list one day too. Six degrees of separation, dontcha know??

 

PS - true anecdote. My dad was in a movie with Gregory Peck - or as Dad always said "Gregory Peck was in a movie with me..." LOL.

[Micks Picks]

HappyFC  congratulations, and I am so impressed!   So I just looked at the Rectify topic and learned it is on Sundance channel.  Does anybody here know where Sundance Channel is on DishNetwork????    I am having a 55 inch tv delivered on Tuesday and hope I can read something on that one.  The wee one I have doesn't allow me to see the channels so I am hoping it will help.  But maybe not.  I can see the numbers and words on the local weather cast but anything to do with the program guide feature of the tv itself is out of the question.  Took me days to find where tennis is and where to find Tour de France.  So everybody, where is Sundance on Dish?

[Jenniferbug]

I need to share/vent, and isn't it funny how sometimes it feels much easier to share with stranger-friends on the internet than those we know in real life? Please excuse typos- I'm likely to type through tears.

I was able to be induced with my second daughter yesterday. We elected to have it done (which is enough to earn judgement from some) due to living far from the hospital, and second babies are born notoriously fast in my family. I was quite honestly terrified of giving birth on the interstate if I waited for the contractions I'd been having for weeks to regulate. And the stress was ramping up my anxiety disorder in a big way. Plus, I'll admit it- I was selfishly miserable and done with being pregnant.

So we went in yesterday morning, started pitocin, took some fentanol, and eventually had an epidural. She was born around 4:00 in the afternoon. I had a terrible time pushing her out as I'm pretty sure my epidural wore off while I was pushing but no one realized that until I told them I could feel them stitching me up afterwards. Maybe if I could have thought clearly enough at the moment when pushing, things would be different.

After a relatively uneventful labor, they discovered the cord was wrapped once very tightly around her neck. They put her on my chest and all I remember is telling her to wake up and asking why she wouldn't cry, as people from the NICU literally raced into our room. They did chest compressions and got her on oxygen and worked on her for a long time. They kept telling me she was fine, but she's been admitted to the NICU. She has an IV through her cord stump so we are not allowed to hold her. I also am not able to nurse or feed her though they're encouraging me to pump often. I keep being reassured she's fine, but they're doing more tests this morning and fine in my mind does not equal a stay in the NICU. My room feels so empty without her.

I feel like a failure. Maybe if I hadn't opted to induce she would've been fine. Maybe if I had been able to think through and voice that my pain meds weren't working, I could have pushed her out faster and she wouldn't have been without oxygen for so long. I've always said it doesn't matter how my babies get here as long as they're safe and healthy, and I don't think she is and its my fault. Any time I start crying, I just get told she's fine, like that somehow makes up for the fact that I can't hold her or care for her. We visited her last night and she freaked out, I think because she could smell my milk but couldn't eat, so I kept my distance.

I'm just miserable but am too scared to voice any of this. Thanks my friends for giving me a safe space to share.

[GeeGolly]

I need to share/vent, and isn't it funny how sometimes it feels much easier to share with stranger-friends on the internet than those we know in real life? Please excuse typos- I'm likely to type through tears.

I was able to be induced with my second daughter yesterday. We elected to have it done (which is enough to earn judgement from some) due to living far from the hospital, and second babies are born notoriously fast in my family. I was quite honestly terrified of giving birth on the interstate if I waited for the contractions I'd been having for weeks to regulate. And the stress was ramping up my anxiety disorder in a big way. Plus, I'll admit it- I was selfishly miserable and done with being pregnant.

So we went in yesterday morning, started pitocin, took some fentanol, and eventually had an epidural. She was born around 4:00 in the afternoon. I had a terrible time pushing her out as I'm pretty sure my epidural wore off while I was pushing but no one realized that until I told them I could feel them stitching me up afterwards. Maybe if I could have thought clearly enough at the moment when pushing, things would be different.

After a relatively uneventful labor, they discovered the cord was wrapped once very tightly around her neck. They put her on my chest and all I remember is telling her to wake up and asking why she wouldn't cry, as people from the NICU literally raced into our room. They did chest compressions and got her on oxygen and worked on her for a long time. They kept telling me she was fine, but she's been admitted to the NICU. She has an IV through her cord stump so we are not allowed to hold her. I also am not able to nurse or feed her though they're encouraging me to pump often. I keep being reassured she's fine, but they're doing more tests this morning and fine in my mind does not equal a stay in the NICU. My room feels so empty without her.

I feel like a failure. Maybe if I hadn't opted to induce she would've been fine. Maybe if I had been able to think through and voice that my pain meds weren't working, I could have pushed her out faster and she wouldn't have been without oxygen for so long. I've always said it doesn't matter how my babies get here as long as they're safe and healthy, and I don't think she is and its my fault. Any time I start crying, I just get told she's fine, like that somehow makes up for the fact that I can't hold her or care for her. We visited her last night and she freaked out, I think because she could smell my milk but couldn't eat, so I kept my distance.

I'm just miserable but am too scared to voice any of this. Thanks my friends for giving me a safe space to share.

My oh my Jenniferbug. My thoughts are with you. Please do not second guess yourself. All your 'what ifs' could go the other way too; maybe she needed to be delivered early!!! Today you will have more answers, and I hope they are all reassuring. My warm & fuzzy thoughts are coming to you & your family. Hang in there kiddo.

[kalamac]

I need to share/vent, and isn't it funny how sometimes it feels much easier to share with stranger-friends on the internet than those we know in real life? Please excuse typos- I'm likely to type through tears.

I was able to be induced with my second daughter yesterday. We elected to have it done (which is enough to earn judgement from some) due to living far from the hospital, and second babies are born notoriously fast in my family. I was quite honestly terrified of giving birth on the interstate if I waited for the contractions I'd been having for weeks to regulate. And the stress was ramping up my anxiety disorder in a big way. Plus, I'll admit it- I was selfishly miserable and done with being pregnant.

So we went in yesterday morning, started pitocin, took some fentanol, and eventually had an epidural. She was born around 4:00 in the afternoon. I had a terrible time pushing her out as I'm pretty sure my epidural wore off while I was pushing but no one realized that until I told them I could feel them stitching me up afterwards. Maybe if I could have thought clearly enough at the moment when pushing, things would be different.

After a relatively uneventful labor, they discovered the cord was wrapped once very tightly around her neck. They put her on my chest and all I remember is telling her to wake up and asking why she wouldn't cry, as people from the NICU literally raced into our room. They did chest compressions and got her on oxygen and worked on her for a long time. They kept telling me she was fine, but she's been admitted to the NICU. She has an IV through her cord stump so we are not allowed to hold her. I also am not able to nurse or feed her though they're encouraging me to pump often. I keep being reassured she's fine, but they're doing more tests this morning and fine in my mind does not equal a stay in the NICU. My room feels so empty without her.

I feel like a failure. Maybe if I hadn't opted to induce she would've been fine. Maybe if I had been able to think through and voice that my pain meds weren't working, I could have pushed her out faster and she wouldn't have been without oxygen for so long. I've always said it doesn't matter how my babies get here as long as they're safe and healthy, and I don't think she is and its my fault. Any time I start crying, I just get told she's fine, like that somehow makes up for the fact that I can't hold her or care for her. We visited her last night and she freaked out, I think because she could smell my milk but couldn't eat, so I kept my distance.

I'm just miserable but am too scared to voice any of this. Thanks my friends for giving me a safe space to share.

The cord being wrapped around her neck was very unlikely to change this close to the event, so it really is better that you chose to induce, and had everyone you needed on hand. Remember that. You did the right thing. Hope it all goes well for you both. Edited July 9, 2015 by kalamac

[Itsnotreality]

Ditto. Being induced was the best thing. And somewhere that fear of not being at the hospital in time got you in the right place in that situation - thank goodness you were at the hospital. Wow labor can be so scary can't it. Hugs.

[Pixie Chicken]

Oh, Jenniferbug. You didn't do anything wrong! There are lots of reasons to induce, the doctors won't do it unless you meet certain criteria, and while you may have been eager to get her out, that makes you no different than most hugely. pregnant women! This is in no way your fault. Kalamac is right; this would've been likely even if you'd waited.

Sending many prayers to you and your beautiful girl.

[GEML]

My sister was born with no one but a terrified nurse because the doctor was caught behind a coal train (WV) and couldn't get there in time. It was that fast. Scheduling makes sense. And if you had had more pain medication, you might have pushed longer because you didn't feel the muscle groups as well.

It sounds to me that the NICU is a precaution, and at the risk of being rather bold, probably isn't busy right now. It's been studied that hospitals will use what they have - so if they are busy, you get one type of care. If they are less busy, you get another. This doesn't mean care A is better than care B - it just means hospitals will use what they have.

Go in and hold her hands and speak to her. She knows your voice even better than smell of your milk. That will comfort her more than anything. She will know you're there.

Edited July 9, 2015 by GEML