Chit-Chat: What's On Your Mind Today?

[Bastet]

19 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

Has anyone ever spent a holiday alone? How did you not be depressed and bummed about it?

Holidays to which I had no personal connection, many times, and my birthday twice when my parents were spending time with dying family members but I needed to stay home due to my own obligations.  So I can't help, as there was never anything to be bummed about -- life happens and we do what we can do.

From the outside:  If you're alone on a holiday that you'd normally spend with others, I think there are two options -- just marinate in the benefits of a lack of socialization and numb yourself to the drawbacks however best gets you through it, or actively turn the day around, volunteering to help others in the same situation for even worse reasons.  I find them equally valid. 

Edited June 29 by Bastet

[shapeshifter]

8 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

Has anyone ever spent a holiday alone? How did you not be depressed and bummed about it?

Many. Maybe even most?
I’ve discovered being alone on a holiday can be less stressful.
Still, with all the cultural, commercial, and sometimes familial expectations, even I get a twinge of loneliness.

My 2 adult single daughters seem to have large circles of friends, so I don’t worry too much about them being alone. The oldest will probably be working anyway because she uses overtime to enable her love of travel. 

My youngest daughter and her family are going to her husbands’ mother’s house for the Fourth.
I’m slightly offended but mostly perplexed that her in-laws don’t casually tell her it would be fine for me to come too, knowing I moved to this area alone to be near her. I’ve talked to her about this, and even did manage to get to tag along to her husband’s cousin’s on Memorial Day. But I think her husband’s step-father is a red hat, and my daughter is nervous that I might say something. But I think the cousins are too, and it never came up. Whatever. And, to be fair, I've now lived in this area for almost 3 years and have never hosted a gathering at my home. There are logistical reasons, but still, if I did it once, likely reciprocal invites would follow. 

I’m heading to her house today to see my grand-babies, and will be there on the 5th too, and 2 days in a row would be physically exhausting for me anyway.

But mostly, @Cloud9Shopper, it’s like:

7 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

@Cloud9Shopper I treated the holidays when I was alone as just another day of the week and didn't pay any attention to anything holiday-ish. Watch some good movies. Order delivery from a new place.

Except I skip the ordering out part.

I’ll be here too.👋

 

Edited June 29 by shapeshifter

[Absolom]

Don't fall into the feeling sorry for yourself trap.  Find something positive about it such as the ability to have whatever you want to eat, not having to put up with people who exasperate you, etc.  Make a plan of what you want to do.  I'm older and when Mom's dog was alive, I'd put him in the car and we'd drive by a few fast food place for him to smell and then get burgers from his favorite spot.  His delight was my fun, too.  Having a plan and executing it gives you something to look forward to doing.  

[oliviabenson]

12 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I hear you, I'm dealing with my own set of blows in that my cruise, which is leaving tomorrow from Brooklyn, has been delayed getting into port for 4 hours at the last minute and we couldn't reschedule our limo. for later on such short notice, so now we have to hang out down there at the terminal for hours unless they let us check our bags and maybe we can find a cab to take us somewhere for lunch. And judging from the YouTubes we watched it's not the easiest place to do any of that. The cruise line sent us an email this evening telling us NOT to arrive early and to get there 2 hours later than we were supposed to, so I have a feeling we're going to be stuck there for a while. There aren't many seats but thankfully I bought a telescopic camping chair just in case.

Add to that the disaster of last night that we can't talk about here to this news about the site and my worrying about seasickness, I could be in a better frame of mind to go on what is supposed to be an exciting vacation. I don't know how much I will be able to log on here while I'm away so if you don't see me for a while you'll know I have hopefully not dropped off the face of the earth, have resolved my issues, and am not puking my guts up, and that all my ginger, patches and sea bands are working.

I really hope you are all still here when I get back online. If not there are always the Primetimer threads over on Reddit where we can reconnect and maybe figure something else out.

Take care, everyone!

Have a great trip!

[Palimelon]

Quote

Has anyone ever spent a holiday alone? How did you not be depressed and bummed about it?

Have a playlist of movies and/or tv shows I enjoy watching ready to go, plus some really delicious delivery food, plus a decadent something for dessert. Last time for me was some comedies including Galaxy Quest, Japanese karaage curry with tonkatsu as an appetizer, and a chocolate mousse cake with salted caramel sauce on top.

What, calories don't count on the holidays, especially when alone...

My other advice add-on to the above is don't watch anything or eat anything associated with that holiday. So definitely no hot dogs, burgers, or anything grilled, or potato salad, coleslaw, etc, for July 4th...

[ECM1231]

Bon Voyage, @Yeah No. I hope your cruise is nothing but smooth sailing for you and Mr. Yeah No! Have a wonderful vacation; you deserve it! 🚢

[nokat]

I had a few lonely holidays. I try to not have them as much. Crowds of people, no thank you. A few people I like, yes.  

Edited June 29 by nokat

[lookeyloo]

Many over the years.  One can tell themselves how awful it is, or one can tell themselves it is one day of many and get something put together to make it at least pleasant - a new food, a new place to walk, some TV to watch, books to read, etc.  Self talk is a good thing if one tells themselves realistic things vs woe is me.

[Anela]

I am isolated, and rarely get to spend time with my dad.  Woe is me, it is.  

[nokat]

8 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

Many over the years.  One can tell themselves how awful it is, or one can tell themselves it is one day of many and get something put together to make it at least pleasant - a new food, a new place to walk, some TV to watch, books to read, etc.  Self talk is a good thing if one tells themselves realistic things vs woe is me.

I like your attitude. 

[fairffaxx]

Cloud9Shopper, you're not going to be alone on Independence Day, you'll be taking care of dogs!  That's the best kind of companionship there is, along with cats & lizards & squirrels & raccoons & birds, etc (in no particular order).  They're loyal & they love ice cream, so relax & enjoy your time together.

[SoMuchTV]

Well, if I ever doubted where I stood on the extrovert/introvert spectrum, no doubt remains now.  1) I had never thought of July 4th (or Labor Day, or Memorial Day, or whatever) as a day to be sad if I’m not around family and friends, and 2) any day when I can hang out with myself and catch up on reading/podcasts/streaming/napping without being an antisocial jerk is a gift!  I guess I need to go back to the Meyers Briggs stuff I went through decades ago to remind myself that not everyone feels that way!

[fairffaxx]

My late husband & I used to go out for breakfast every 4th of July but, other than that, I never thought of it as a family/friends holiday.  Last thing I'd ever want to do on any day would be to join a crowd in someone's hot backyard full of suffocating BBQ smoke.

[Bastet]

I usually go to my parents' house on 4th of July, as my dad grills cheeseburgers and my mom makes onion rings.  When I adopted my cat Riley eight years ago, she was very much a scaredy-cat (she trusted me immediately and came around beautifully, but it was a process), and her first 4th of July with me was just a few weeks later.  So I stayed home with her, and grilled my own burger but did not mess with making onion rings. 

She was fine, so I could have gone; I seriously missed those onion rings, but not my parents.  Which is not a slight against my parents, just that the 4th is not like Thanksgiving or Christmas to me in terms of wanting to be with my parents.  (Nor do they think of it as a family holiday; they're usually home for it, but there have been a few times they've been out of town for a stretch that includes the 4th.)

Edited June 29 by Bastet

[Anela]

We are always together for holidays.  I’m angry that I was just told like I should have expected it, because his company has messed up a lot, and they’ve already taken his weekends.  One of my cousins died recently, and we didn’t go to the funeral, because he was working.  How many more holidays will I get with my dad? 
 

anyway, my feelings are my feelings.  They aren’t going away because anyone thinks they’re irrational.  I’ll deal as I always do.  

[StatisticalOutlier]

I went to college halfway across the country from where I grew up.  Thanksgiving was too short of a holiday to fly home, especially since I'd be going home for Christmas a month later.  But the college recreation office offered a ski trip, so I signed up for it.

But as the date neared, there wasn't enough snow, so the trip was cancelled.  So I was alone on Thanksgiving, and for dinner that day I had a bowl of rice. 

My older sister called, not knowing about the ski trip or its cancellation, and was very distressed about my Thanksgiving, even though it didn't bother me at all.  But then like 40 years later, she emailed me, recalling that incident, and said that she had apparently "evolved," because for Thanksgiving, she was going to be home alone, having rice, and she was "perfectly fine with that."

I replied with this poem, "Oh Yes," by Charles Bukowski: 

Quote

There are worse things than being alone,
but it often takes decades to realize this,
and most often when you do
it's too late...

And there's nothing worse
than too late.

 

 

[shapeshifter]

24 minutes ago, Anela said:

We are always together for holidays.  I’m angry that I was just told like I should have expected it, because his company has messed up a lot, and they’ve already taken his weekends.  One of my cousins died recently, and we didn’t go to the funeral, because he was working.  How many more holidays will I get with my dad? 
 

anyway, my feelings are my feelings.  They aren’t going away because anyone thinks they’re irrational.  I’ll deal as I always do.  

I think I may have missed or forgotten a previous post of yours on this issue?

Regardless, I still regret not going the 4,000 miles to be at my Dad’s deathbed 9 years ago because my sister told me not to come and because it was the busy season at work.
More to your point, I think my resentful regret really stems from my not being more “present” with him when we did visit. 

I have not been married or “with” someone for over 30 years, but Mom felt free to take trips without Dad and they were still in love after 68 years together. However, maybe they did always spend “major” holidays together.

Edited June 29 by shapeshifter

[ABay]

@Anela, is there any way you can take a few minutes with your dad on the holiday? Nothing elaborate, maybe a phone call on his lunch break or something?

[emma675]

4 hours ago, SoMuchTV said:

Well, if I ever doubted where I stood on the extrovert/introvert spectrum, no doubt remains now.  1) I had never thought of July 4th (or Labor Day, or Memorial Day, or whatever) as a day to be sad if I’m not around family and friends, and 2) any day when I can hang out with myself and catch up on reading/podcasts/streaming/napping without being an antisocial jerk is a gift!  I guess I need to go back to the Meyers Briggs stuff I went through decades ago to remind myself that not everyone feels that way!

Heh, you and me both! I'm happy to have a day off but I don't really think of July 4th as a "family holiday." And in Texas, unless you're in the water, it's miserably hot. Plus, I've actually injured myself in freak accidents on July 4th two times now, so it's safer for me to lay low, lol.

I did have one Thanksgiving alone a few years ago because I had surgery at the beginning of the week. As much as I love my big, loud family, that was actually one of my favorite Thanksgivings. I didn't have to rush to get dressed and drive to a relative's house, I made a small meal with turkey and only the sides I liked, I chilled on the couch most of the day and watched football. Heaven. 

[PRgal]

Our day off is Monday for Canada Day.  I think I’m just going to catch up on my sleep a bit more, watch a movie with my little guy (I’m trying to introduce him to musical theatre but he doesn’t seem interested, sadly) and spend time with my husband.  I’d go see fireworks but I’m still recovering and just can’t go out go out just yet. 

Edited June 30 by PRgal

[Mindthinkr]

A lady at my Mahjong club (Friday afternoons) just invited everyone to come to her house for the Fourth with their husbands. I’m single, but feel comfortable enough with the ladies that I’m going to go alone. They supply the bar and everyone else brings a heavy appetizer to share. So no traditional meal or foods, but good finger foods. I’m thinking of making chicken salad tea sandwiches. Let me know if anyone has a better suggestion of what I can take. 
I spend most holidays by myself and am used to it. Been this way since I was 15 and my parents always went to see my brother and family, but never took me. He was the star (oldest and only son). 

[Browncoat]

I'll likely be at home alone for July 4 as well, hoping my idiot neighbors lay off the fireworks after 10pm.  The official fireworks end around that time.

This year will be my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without parents.  I'll be in New Zealand for Thanksgiving -- I think I'll be at Hobbiton on the day -- but I'll be back at my house for Christmas.  It's going to be weird, but as I will have just returned from my trip, I expect to be sleeping and organizing photos.

[nokat]

1 hour ago, Mindthinkr said:

I’m thinking of making chicken salad tea sandwiches. Let me know if anyone has a better suggestion of what I can take. 
I spend most holidays by myself and am used to it. Been this way since I was 15 and my parents always went to see my brother and family, but never took me. He was the star (oldest and only son). 

The sandwiches sound good to me.

Ah, the golden child that takes precedence. 

[annzeepark914]

I'm not doing anything on the Fourth. It's so hot, we can't even eat a meal on the deck. I'm just thankful that whoever used to blast fireworks all day/night must've moved away a couple years ago (hope I didn't just jinx myself 🤞🙏🍀🥴). 

Edited June 30 by annzeepark914

[bluegirl147]

Speaking of fireworks on a local FB group a woman made a post complaining about someone in her neighborhood putting off fireworks after 11 pm.  More than half the comments were people telling her to get over it.  She shouldn't have had kids and stuff like that.  Whatever happened to common courtesy? Someone commented veterans with PTSD and pets should also be considered.  Someone commented it's the sound of freedom.  No it's the sound of being an asshole. 

[oliviabenson]

As an orphan with no siblings I’m used to being alone all the time. Holidays are just another day. 

I got used to it. If someone invites me for a holiday I happily go.

[oliviabenson]

6 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

A lady at my Mahjong club (Friday afternoons) just invited everyone to come to her house for the Fourth with their husbands. I’m single, but feel comfortable enough with the ladies that I’m going to go alone. They supply the bar and everyone else brings a heavy appetizer to share. So no traditional meal or foods, but good finger foods. I’m thinking of making chicken salad tea sandwiches. Let me know if anyone has a better suggestion of what I can take. 
I spend most holidays by myself and am used to it. Been this way since I was 15 and my parents always went to see my brother and family, but never took me. He was the star (oldest and only son). 

I’d bring a veggie platter or cut up a watermelon/cantaloupe.

Chicken sandwiches sound good. 

[oliviabenson]

It’s just when it’s hot I crave veggies and fruits. Heavy greasy food is a no thank you.

Maybe a nut/cheese/salami/olives platter? 
 

I guess I like snacky foods!

[nokat]

3 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

I’d bring a veggie platter or cut up a watermelon/cantaloupe.

I have fond memories of eating watermelon and seeing who could spit the seeds the farthest.  An indoor party, it wouldn't go over so well. :D

[oliviabenson]

3 minutes ago, nokat said:

I have fond memories of eating watermelon and seeing who could spit the seeds the farthest.  An indoor party, it wouldn't go over so well. :D

I love watermelon! I can eat a quarter of it in 1 sitting. Great memory too, pained a picture!

[nokat]

I'm a fan of fresh fruit and vegetables. We have a community garden here that I volunteer for, and it has been getting harvested. I ate a lot of radishes, and we have lots of things that will be ripe soon. Doing some weeding and watering makes the food taste all the better.

[PRgal]

Veggies and dip.  Bring both hummus and ranch since some people don’t like ranch!  

[nokat]

3 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Veggies and dip.  Bring both hummus and ranch since some people don’t like ranch!  

I'm not a fan of ranch. Hummus will do, and I bring spinach dip. It seems to go over well.

[Absolom]

I bought a steak while I was out so that's how I'm celebrating the Fourth!  It was never a big day when I was growing up.  My father usually worked and we never had people even family over.  Mom would buy me a pack of sparklers when I was a pre-teen.  

[Anela]

10 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Veggies and dip.  Bring both hummus and ranch since some people don’t like ranch!  

You’ve just reminded me, that I was going to make my own hummus.  I need to make tahini salad dressing, too.  

[oliviabenson]

Who doesn’t like ranch dressing? I can bathe in it! So delicious!

[nokat]

Just now, oliviabenson said:

Who doesn’t like ranch dressing? I can bathe in it! So delicious!

Call me the one person who doesn't! I don't know why, I just don't like it. I'll be hunted down by mid westerners and forced to to drink it. 

[Absolom]

51 minutes ago, nokat said:

Call me the one person who doesn't! I don't know why, I just don't like it. I'll be hunted down by mid westerners and forced to to drink it. 

You are not alone and the person who invented the abomination of mixing the powder into hamburger patties needs to be tortured.  😉

Edited June 30 by Absolom

[PRgal]

22 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

Who doesn’t like ranch dressing? I can bathe in it! So delicious!

Me!  Okay, I’ll tolerate it, somewhat.  But BRING ON THE HUMMUS!!!!  I’ll also dip crudités in tzatziki. 

Edited June 30 by PRgal

[nokat]

Here's an unpopular opinion. I detest ketchup.  I hate the stuff. It is always sitting there, next to the mustard. I'd rather put paprika on my burger or hot dog. Many of you may gasp, but I eat my fries with mayonnaise. 

[Anela]

2 minutes ago, nokat said:

Here's an unpopular opinion. I detest ketchup.  I hate the stuff. It is always sitting there, next to the mustard. I'd rather put paprika on my burger or hot dog. Many of you may gasp, but I eat my fries with mayonnaise. 

I used to know someone who ate chips (fries) with salad cream. I've never wanted to try it. 

I used to love ketchup, but I don't use it so much anymore. I still like salt and vinegar on my chips. This reminded me that I don't like mustard, unless it's on a hot dog with ketchup. I avoided trying that, until mum asked me if I wanted a bite of hers, when I was a teenager, and we went somewhere. 

[annzeepark914]

Just now, nokat said:

Here's an unpopular opinion. I detest ketchup.  I hate the stuff. It is always sitting there, next to the mustard. I'd rather put paprika on my burger or hot dog. Many of you may gasp, but I eat my fries with mayonnaise. 

OK...I gasped! But then, I don't get people putting ketchup on a hot dog. Hot dogs cry out for mustard & relish, or mustard & sauerkraut. I just had a vision of us all standing around a big kitchen table, debating which topping is best for burgers, hot dogs & fries 😁

[nokat]

1 minute ago, Anela said:

I used to know someone who ate chips (fries) with salad cream. I've never wanted to try it. 

I used to love ketchup, but I don't use it so much anymore. I still like salt and vinegar on my chips. This reminded me that I don't like mustard, unless it's on a hot dog with ketchup. I avoided trying that, until mum asked me if I wanted a bite of hers, when I was a teenager, and we went somewhere. 

I'm more of the salt and vinegar type. US mustard is not so hot. 

3 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

OK...I gasped! But then, I don't get people putting ketchup on a hot dog. Hot dogs cry out for mustard & relish, or mustard & sauerkraut. I just had a vision of us all standing around a big kitchen table, debating which topping is best for burgers, hot dogs & fries 😁

I know, right? Me, I want mustard and onions, sauerkraut if available. No ketchup.

[oliviabenson]

42 minutes ago, nokat said:

Call me the one person who doesn't! I don't know why, I just don't like it. I'll be hunted down by mid westerners and forced to to drink it. 

Now you will dream about that scenario! 

[nokat]

Just now, oliviabenson said:

Now you will dream about that scenario! 

Thanks for the laugh.

[oliviabenson]

21 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

OK...I gasped! But then, I don't get people putting ketchup on a hot dog. Hot dogs cry out for mustard & relish, or mustard & sauerkraut. I just had a vision of us all standing around a big kitchen table, debating which topping is best for burgers, hot dogs & fries 😁

Mmm yum, invite me over :).

[Bastet]

49 minutes ago, nokat said:

Many of you may gasp, but I eat my fries with mayonnaise. 

Not me.  I eat them with ranch dressing, not plain mayonnaise, but I grew up with a best friend's mom who always ordered a side of mayo to dip fries in, so no gasping here.

I don't hate ketchup, so if someone served me fries with ketchup I could eat a few (so long as the fries are thin and crispy; I hate potatoes, so only like fries if they taste like salt and oil and are a vessel to deliver ranch to my mouth), but I don't really care for it, and would not eat a burger or hot dog contaminated with it.  I don't like plain mustard, so get that away from my burgers and dogs, too; I use mayonnaise on both.  Then add relish and onions to a hot dog, and lettuce, tomato, pickles, and onions to a cheeseburger.

[SoMuchTV]

1 hour ago, nokat said:

Here's an unpopular opinion. I detest ketchup.  I hate the stuff. It is always sitting there, next to the mustard. I'd rather put paprika on my burger or hot dog. Many of you may gasp, but I eat my fries with mayonnaise. 

 

1 hour ago, Anela said:

I used to know someone who ate chips (fries) with salad cream. I've never wanted to try it. 

Okay, one, I also dislike ketchup and the “standard” yellow mustard. Dijon or spicy brown are okay in limited quantities, maybe on a veggie sausage or dog (sorry to beat that dead horse). Two, if my fries aren’t good enough with plain salt, I’m not wasting my calories on them. Three, please share: what is “salad cream”?  Sounds like a British-ism I haven’t heard of. 

[Browncoat]

Here's one you can gasp over -- I don't like mustard or ketchup or relish on my hot dogs.  Mayo and onions only, please, and the same for burgers, although I'll also have lettuce on the burgers.

 

[bluegirl147]

My mother doesn't like any condiments.  For hot dogs it's onions only and burgers lettuce tomato and onions only.

I do like ketchup mustard relish and onions on hot dogs and the same minus the relish plus pickles for burgers. 

When I was a kid we went to fish and chips restaurant and I dipped my fries in cocktail sauce and it was so good.  And I must have grown up sheltered because I didn't know about fries and vinegar till I was at an amusement park as an adult.