Chit-Chat: What's On Your Mind Today?

chitowngirl · February 13

38 minutes ago, Bastet said:

867-5309

I was wondering if anyone was going to post it! 😆

Edited February 13 by chitowngirl

annzeepark914 · February 13

1 hour ago, Bastet said:

867-5309

Didn't that song result in someone getting a ton of calls? I vaguely remember something about this.

GHScorpiosRule · February 13

4 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

Didn't that song result in someone getting a ton of calls? I vaguely remember something about this.

But was her name Jenny?😂

Bastet · February 13

7 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

Didn't that song result in someone getting a ton of calls?

Lots of someones, yes. I wondered if it was really as prevalent as we thought it was at the time; here's the Snopes page about it, and an excerpt:

Quote

"Jenny (867-5309)" caused nothing but grief for telephone customers unlucky enough to have that combination of numbers as their own. Its relentless chorus, "Jenny don't change your number — eight six seven five three oh nah-eeh-ah-ine," pounded the phone number into the minds of teenagers everywhere, resulting in waves of kids dialing it and asking for Jenny. The joke quickly became old for those who had the number and weren't interested in talking to horny teens.

Even decades after the song dropped off the charts, phone customers unfortunate enough to have been assigned an 867-5309 number were still getting plenty of crank calls.

Edited February 13 by Bastet

annzeepark914 · February 13

@ECM1231 Do you know if she's a good (& kind) teacher? I'm amazed she went into the teaching profession. How awful that your teacher didn't protect a little student being tormented by a classmate.

ECM1231 · February 13

13 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

@ECM1231 Do you know if she's a good (& kind) teacher? I'm amazed she went into the teaching profession. How awful that your teacher didn't protect a little student being tormented by a classmate.

No clue. I believe she's a secondary ed math teacher. Well, she must be retired by now, as we are in our 60s.

chitowngirl · February 13

16 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Lots of someones, yes. I wondered if it was really as prevalent as we thought it was at the time; here's the Snopes page about it, and an excerpt:

Our local radio station acquired the number and used it for promotions

PRgal · February 13

3 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

Males are so different from females. I've wondered, over the years if it's because females are the (physically) weaker sex. We always need to be on guard/alert. There are many things boys/men can do that girls/women can't (e.g., walking down certain streets, sitting alone in certain places w/o fear of being harassed, hiking alone, etc). So does this bring out the meanness in *some* girls?? I keep trying to understand this nastiness towards each other that doesn't seem to be as prevalent among boys. Some boys in grade school & high school do get bullied. Just thinking about it all 🤔.

Bullying for boys is more physical while we are more likely to pull the emotional thing. My son is on the smaller side and though he has tons of friends, I do worry (as do all moms) that he’d be picked on as he gets older. Or maybe girls won’t like him because he doesn’t have the “jock” look. He’s a very nice kid and very bright. I also worry that he could have body image issues. We try not to talk about weight and food portions in front of him, but I worry he picks things up anyway since my husband is on meds for diabetes.

annzeepark914 · February 13

30 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

No clue. I believe she's a secondary ed math teacher. Well, she must be retired by now, as we are in our 60s.

Heh...I actually had envisioned this person as a math teacher 😎.

Yeah No · February 13

8 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

So, my mom was fed up and she and my aunt did something that would not be done today. They took the matter in their own hands and showed up at recess with their own jump rope. They were the rope turners and Virginia had the nerve to try to jump in and my mom and aunt did the same thing to her. They wouldn't let her 'play' or have her turn.

I love your mom and aunt! That's like something my mother would have done.

Here's a funny bullying story that actually involves a boy. There was this one boy on my block who was always hitting someone. He didn't discriminate as to who he hit or slapped but he would zero in on someone for a while and make their lives miserable. He eventually started in on me and I just kept taking it until one day he got more aggressive and my reflexes kicked in and I gave him one swift kick to the crotch. Given that I was about 7 years old I didn't have any idea what I did. All I knew is that he suddenly dropped to the ground crying and holding his crotch. I went home and told my parents about it and they both had a good laugh. The next thing I knew his parents were at our door (we lived in an adjacent building) angry and yelling at us. It didn't matter that my mother reminded them that I was only 7 and didn't even know how boys and girls were "different down there" so I had no idea what I was doing. After they were done ranting my father said, "Well, he was hitting her, he probably had it coming!" And they laughed belly laughs and shut the door in their faces. That kid went on to bully other kids but never, ever bothered me again.

I actually wish that the bullying I experienced from girls was as straightforward as this. No, in my case it was a psychological reign of ostracizing and put downs that happened over a several year period. I wasn't good enough to be included in their cliques and invited to their houses to play. I was always invited to their birthday parties, though, which I later realized was because they wanted a gift. However, none of them would ever come to mine. My parties included just me and my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. The excuse was always that they were away for the Summer and couldn't come. They and their families came from a culture that my parents were not a part of and their parents were all friendly with each other. It didn't help that their mothers stayed home while mine worked and they all lived in the same apartment buildings and none lived in mine, which was only next door.

I did have one good friend on the block. She was also a tomboy/nerd like me and most of the time we would play separately from the others. Unfortunately she moved far away at the end of grade school, but I went to a Jr. high with new kids and didn't have a problem meeting friends there. It was a whole different world, thankfully, and no mean girls and bullies. I wish I had grown up in their neighborhood instead of mine.

Yeah No · February 13

14 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

From what I've heard, it was more along the line of "For a good time call..." or stuff like this.

When I was young and in Greenwich Village I used to frequent a public women's restroom in the basement at the Loeb Student Center at NYU that was legendary for its graffiti, which ranged from the political to the feminist to the sexual, etc. I would go in there and spend longer just to read the thoughtful and often witty and creative graffiti. I don't remember any of it offhand but it was part of the old Village I miss so much now. That center was demolished in 1999 and a new building put in its place that I know nothing about.

Edited February 13 by Yeah No
Clarification.

Yeah No · February 13

5 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

Males are so different from females. I've wondered, over the years if it's because females are the (physically) weaker sex. We always need to be on guard/alert. There are many things boys/men can do that girls/women can't (e.g., walking down certain streets, sitting alone in certain places w/o fear of being harassed, hiking alone, etc). So does this bring out the meanness in *some* girls?? I keep trying to understand this nastiness towards each other that doesn't seem to be as prevalent among boys. Some boys in grade school & high school do get bullied. Just thinking about it all 🤔.

This is one of my topics sometimes. I have a few male friends and my husband that I need to remind about this because they sometimes don't get it that I don't want to go for a walk on a desolate walking/bike trail where women have been assaulted in the past. Or go out shopping after dark when purse snatchings and car jackings (mostly involving women) have been on the news.

About what brings out the meanness in some girls - I've heard of a few reasons. One is that men tend to have a team mentality with each other. I think women tend to think they have to step on other women to rise to the top while men have a "may the best man win, let's go have a drink afterward" attitude with each other. Women's attitudes have been passed down for generations and come out of their collective oppression.

Another theory puts the emphasis on the social pecking order with women, also coming out of their history of oppression. Men don't have that kind of pecking order with each other. Alpha men don't tend to ostracize and insult beta and gamma men. They are confident that they can succeed without putting anyone they think is inferior to them down, while women still seem to believe that in order to win they have to squelch their competition because otherwise they would remain oppressed losers.

The only time I've seen men engaging in this behavior is when they are coming from a background of perceived victimhood and need to put down men from other male social and ethnic groups that they feel are a threat to their success.

Of course these are grossly exaggerated and generalized ideas but I still think there is a kernel of truth in them.

annzeepark914 · February 13

@Yeah No I think you hit the nail on the head.

PRgal · February 13

In cultures where multiple/sister wives were historically common, the child of the subsequent wife is seen to have lesser status - unless the child is male and the children of the first wife were all girls. Whoever has the first male child, well, wins. Even though it's 100% HIS fault.

shapeshifter · February 13

13 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I did have one good friend on the block.

Mom often said something like: All you need is 1 good friend.

Suzn · February 13

13 hours ago, Yeah No said:

This is one of my topics sometimes. I have a few male friends and my husband that I need to remind about this because they sometimes don't get it that I don't want to go for a walk on a desolate walking/bike trail where women have been assaulted in the past. Or go out shopping after dark when purse snatchings and car jackings (mostly involving women) have been on the news.

About what brings out the meanness in some girls - I've heard of a few reasons. One is that men tend to have a team mentality with each other. I think women tend to think they have to step on other women to rise to the top while men have a "may the best man win, let's go have a drink afterward" attitude with each other. Women's attitudes have been passed down for generations and come out of their collective oppression.

Another theory puts the emphasis on the social pecking order with women, also coming out of their history of oppression. Men don't have that kind of pecking order with each other. Alpha men don't tend to ostracize and insult beta and gamma men. They are confident that they can succeed without putting anyone they think is inferior to them down, while women still seem to believe that in order to win they have to squelch their competition because otherwise they would remain oppressed losers.

The only time I've seen men engaging in this behavior is when they are coming from a background of perceived victimhood and need to put down men from other male social and ethnic groups that they feel are a threat to their success.

Of course these are grossly exaggerated and generalized ideas but I still think there is a kernel of truth in them.

This fits with what I think about how women are with each other. Women are taught to compete with each other on a deep, personal level. A lot of it is covert with surface sweetness and support. Of course what they are competing for is male attention.

I've found it easier to be friends with men rather than other women. This is a huge generalization with exceptions, but trusting women has worked out badly a number of times.

annzeepark914 · February 13

37 minutes ago, Suzn said:

I've found it easier to be friends with men rather than other women. This is a huge generalization with exceptions, but trusting women has worked out badly a number of times.

Whenever I tried to be friends with men (in my single life), they wanted to date 😐. Sheesh. But then, a lot of men think, "If I need a friend, I'll get a dog". I used to hear that a lot back in the day.

Suzn · February 13

I already regret making a post. I'm tempted to delete, but I'll let it stand for now.

I guess I've known a different brand of man. I've known quite a few that opened up and really talked to me. And, I was not a "dog" - in the distant past, I was once young and gorgeous (no false modesty because that was long ago).

PRgal · February 13

1 hour ago, annzeepark914 said:

Whenever I tried to be friends with men (in my single life), they wanted to date 😐. Sheesh. But then, a lot of men think, "If I need a friend, I'll get a dog". I used to hear that a lot back in the day.

I kind of had a "kid sister" look, so many guys didn't see me as dating material. This was especially the case in my 20s when I was hanging out with a group of people about 5-10 years older. I wasn't "hot younger woman" material.

peacheslatour · February 13

32 minutes ago, Suzn said:

I already regret making a post. I'm tempted to delete, but I'll let it stand for now.

I guess I've known a different brand of man. I've known quite a few that opened up and really talked to me. And, I was not a "dog" - in the distant past, I was once young and gorgeous (no false modesty because that was long ago).

Same. And none of them wanted to be my friend. I'm glad I married young.

Yeah No · February 14

10 hours ago, Suzn said:

I've found it easier to be friends with men rather than other women. This is a huge generalization with exceptions, but trusting women has worked out badly a number of times.

Same here. Or when I make a good female friend something happens like she dies, suffers mental illness or dumps me without warning or from my point of view, any good reason.

10 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

Whenever I tried to be friends with men (in my single life), they wanted to date 😐. Sheesh. But then, a lot of men think, "If I need a friend, I'll get a dog". I used to hear that a lot back in the day.

I had that a lot too. Being attractive and all, that was always an issue for me when I was single and even into my married life!

8 hours ago, Suzn said:

I guess I've known a different brand of man. I've known quite a few that opened up and really talked to me. And, I was not a "dog" - in the distant past, I was once young and gorgeous (no false modesty because that was long ago).

I've known men like that and those are the men I was able to make my platonic friends. I am still friendly with a few of them now, although one of them is far away now. One of them was my high school boyfriend but somehow we were able to transition past the romantic into the platonic because we both realized it wasn't meant to be. He came to my wedding and my husband and I went to his. He lives at a distance so I only see him at reunions but we talk on the phone every now and then.

Another one started out as my husband's friend but became mine as well. We went to his wedding and his daughter (now in her 20s) is our God child. He and his wife live in the area but we only see them a few times a year these days. We talk on the phone all the time though.

The third one started out as one of my boss's lawyers who became my lawyer then transitioned into a friend. He lives close by and is also friendly with my husband. Fortunately my husband was never the "jealous type" and he knew I had male friends and that it was just that and no more so that helps.

I was once friends with a guy that said "goodbye" to me when he got married because his wife to be was the jealous type even though we were nothing but platonic for many years. Oh well, I understood but it still hurt. One of my good friends from college also did that. He was even in my wedding party and we went his wedding. After that he drifted away and I knew why. A lot of spouses can't handle their spouse having an opposite sex platonic friend even if there's absolutely nothing to worry about. I often thought it was because I was attractive and they felt threatened. Oh well.

12 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Mom often said something like: All you need is 1 good friend.

Thank goodness I had her or I don't know what I would have done. We corresponded as pen pals (remember when we did that?) for a couple of years after she moved but then it fizzled out (and back then "long distance" was very expensive). Unfortunately years later in the '90s I found her work number online and tried to connect with her but she rushed me off the phone with some crazy line like "I don't talk to people from the internet" and "A lot has happened you don't know about". It sounded off and strange but whatever. I never did anything that I know of to make her think ill of me so I have no idea what that was all about. She had gotten married and become an accountant for a big company so it's not like she was down and out or anything. A few years later I went out on a limb and requested her as a contact on Linkedin and she actually accepted it! So go figure. I give up trying to figure people out.

shapeshifter · February 14

There was a guy at work whose office was next to mine for a few years. He was about 10 years younger, but loved to talk about cars, which is actually a topic on which I can hold forth. So we were sort of chummy in a superficial way.

The tech guy at work (also 10 years younger) and I would talk about computers. If I had a blue screen of death on my home computer, I could call him at his home.
I miss that, but only about once every 4 years, heh.

3 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I was once friends with a guy that said "goodbye" to me when he got married because his wife to be was the jealous type even though we were nothing but platonic for many years.

꧁༒❊Sigh❊༒꧂

I still miss that friend because for years we exchanged poetry through the mail.
We could be doing that online now.
But now that I’ve typed that out loud, I think she was right.
Just because he and I didn’t work physically doesn’t mean our friendship wouldn’t have stolen the best part of him from her.

Yeah No · February 14

2 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

꧁༒❊Sigh❊༒꧂

I still miss that friend because for years we exchanged poetry through the mail.
We could be doing that online now.
But now that I’ve typed that out loud, I think she was right.
Just because he and I didn’t work physically doesn’t mean our friendship wouldn’t have stolen the best part of him from her.

That's interesting because I've never looked at any of my platonic friendships as "stealing" anything from anyone. People mean different things to us and unless it was really a romantic connection I wouldn't see it that way at all. Although I've never exchanged poetry with any purely platonic male friend. Maybe yours was more of a "romantic friendship"? If so I could understand feeling that way.

The guy that said "goodbye" to me often used to talk with me about his dating relationships and he often asked me for advice with women since I was one and had insights he thought he could benefit from, although we didn't only talk about that. So like all of my platonic male friendships there was absolutely no romantic connection between us whatsoever. I didn't expect to be as friendly with him once he got engaged and married, but the abrupt "goodbye forever" blindsided me for sure. Also, he lived in Seattle while I lived in CT so there was really no opportunity for any kind of relationship so it really seemed a little excessive. But whatever. By the way I knew him from the chat board I ran and only saw him maybe once a year for a few years at gatherings.

I once had a platonic friendship with a guy I knew through my chat board that used to come to in-person gatherings that I hosted. After I started to notice that he was developing romantic feelings for me (and I was married) it became uncomfortable for me and I had to distance from him. I didn't cut him off completely though because he would come to the gatherings. It wasn't an easy situation but eventually he found someone and moved on.

Yeah No · February 14

3 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

There was a guy at work whose office was next to mine for a few years. He was about 10 years younger, but loved to talk about cars, which is actually a topic on which I can hold forth. So we were sort of chummy in a superficial way.

The tech guy at work (also 10 years younger) and I would talk about computers. If I had a blue screen of death on my home computer, I could call him at his home.
I miss that, but only about once every 4 years, heh.

Hah, I get that because that last guy I talked about was a real techie and I miss having his advice about computers all the time. I have to pay for that kind of help now, but he did teach me a lot too. I had a couple of "office friendships" with guys, one in particular that was about a decade younger and he was a techie too. But it never extended beyond the office.

shapeshifter · February 14

3 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Although I've never exchanged poetry with any purely platonic male friend. Maybe yours was more of a "romantic friendship"? If so I could understand feeling that way.

Over a 6-year friendship we did hook up once. There was a brief hot moment when we knew we were going to do it. But when it happened it was mostly weird, LOL.

I hope he was able to exchange poems with his wife, but since they lived together, I can't picture it, which makes me a little sad, but I guess this just isn't the 19th century (wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Barrett_Browning#Robert_Browning_and_Italy).

Bastet · February 14

I have one male friend whose wife is weird about him having female friends, which fits as theirs is a bad marriage and has been from the start (he was "tired of dating" so proposed to who he happened to be with at the time, and presumably her reason for saying yes was equally stupid). Everyone else married/otherwise partnered with secure women, so there's no issue. One friend wanted to date me for years, but I wasn't interested in him that way (there was one drunken make-out session in a bar, and I was not feeling it), and we all cracked up when he started dating the woman who became his wife because, while we don't look anything alike, we could otherwise be twins. She knows, and thinks it's funny, too; it never bothered her, and we developed our own friendship fairly early on in their relationship.

I am nowhere near as close to my male friends as I am with the women in my life, but I think it's nice to have men to interact with on a friendship level, where there's either no romantic/sexual interest in the first place or there is but whoever has that interest accepts it's not going to happen and doesn't look for opportunities to push.

Mindthinkr · February 14

I’ve had a platonic male friend for over 50 years. He never married, but has always been close to my daughter and myself. He kids me that our friendship lasted longer than my marriage 😂

I also have a girlfriend for 50 years and she has been gold. We don’t always chat, but if one of us picks up the phone it’s like we talked yesterday and pick up right where we left off.

I consider myself blessed and am very grateful.

Cloud9Shopper · February 14

I had a platonic guy friend for over 10 years (I met him when he was dating one of my friends, although he ended up marrying a different woman). I met his wife after they got married, and since they were long distance for a while, he and I hung out a few times before the marriage. I remember being nervous about it and asking “is fiancée OK with this?” and he said they wouldn’t be engaged if she was acting like a jealous type. She was very nice when I did eventually meet her, although we haven’t talked in a few years due to life being busy and such.

Anyway, today was my first day off Reddit for Lent. It felt weird not being able to pull it up on my phone this morning (I logged out and deleted the app before bed last night to remove temptation), but not being able to turn to it helped me get my morning off to a better start. Well, for as much as I enjoy mornings lol. I was more pleasant and not going to work in as much of a down and miserable mood. Time will tell to see if I’m eager to get back on after Lent, but for now, I’m happy with my choice to sacrifice it.

peacheslatour · February 14

1 hour ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I had a platonic guy friend for over 10 years (I met him when he was dating one of my friends, although he ended up marrying a different woman). I met his wife after they got married, and since they were long distance for a while, he and I hung out a few times before the marriage. I remember being nervous about it and asking “is fiancée OK with this?” and he said they wouldn’t be engaged if she was acting like a jealous type. She was very nice when I did eventually meet her, although we haven’t talked in a few years due to life being busy and such.

Anyway, today was my first day off Reddit for Lent. It felt weird not being able to pull it up on my phone this morning (I logged out and deleted the app before bed last night to remove temptation), but not being able to turn to it helped me get my morning off to a better start. Well, for as much as I enjoy mornings lol. I was more pleasant and not going to work in as much of a down and miserable mood. Time will tell to see if I’m eager to get back on after Lent, but for now, I’m happy with my choice to sacrifice it.

I don't do Lent but I quit going there at night. Before I go to bed now I look at pics of old English villages, sunlit forest glades and gardens. I sleep much better.

annzeepark914 · February 15

I think Valentine's Day needs to be reconfigured into Love For Everyone's Day (or something like that). Why should anyone feel isolated on a holiday?

oliviabenson · February 15

18 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I had a platonic guy friend for over 10 years (I met him when he was dating one of my friends, although he ended up marrying a different woman). I met his wife after they got married, and since they were long distance for a while, he and I hung out a few times before the marriage. I remember being nervous about it and asking “is fiancée OK with this?” and he said they wouldn’t be engaged if she was acting like a jealous type. She was very nice when I did eventually meet her, although we haven’t talked in a few years due to life being busy and such.

Anyway, today was my first day off Reddit for Lent. It felt weird not being able to pull it up on my phone this morning (I logged out and deleted the app before bed last night to remove temptation), but not being able to turn to it helped me get my morning off to a better start. Well, for as much as I enjoy mornings lol. I was more pleasant and not going to work in as much of a down and miserable mood. Time will tell to see if I’m eager to get back on after Lent, but for now, I’m happy with my choice to sacrifice it.

Reddit is very addicting!

isalicat · February 15

21 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

I think Valentine's Day needs to be reconfigured into Love For Everyone's Day (or something like that). Why should anyone feel isolated on a holiday?

Since Valentine's Day is already just a totally commercial enterprise, having nothing at all to do with the martyred saint whose name was co-opted for this purpose, why not just celebrate "love for everyone" or don't celebrate at all (which is what my husband and I did, having agreed that expressing love is for every and all days, not some card prompted assigned arbitrary date on the calendar - we also abjured Mothers and Fathers Days on the same principle within our little family but sent cards out to the parents as they were wholly under the spell of Hallmark, etc.).

shapeshifter · February 15

1 minute ago, isalicat said:

we also abjured Mothers and Fathers Days on the same principle within our little family but sent cards out to the parents as they were wholly under the spell of Hallmark, etc.).

I appreciate your being able to separate your own convictions from your parents' engrained ascribed meanings to these "occasions."

Conversely, I tried Zelle-ing my oldest daughter for her birthday, but she has cancelled her Zelle because she doesn't want me to give her money. I think if she could, she would block her sisters from ~~taking~~ accepting money from me too.
I appreciate this and accept that there is childhood trauma of scarcity that she still lives with, but I am old and it is easier for me to give money. She's very picky (as am I) so sending gifts isn't really an option.
She'll be visiting soon.
Hrmmmm🤔
I can pick up the tab for food, but it won't seem like a birthday present.
Ooo! I'll pay for a belated, non-dairy birthday cake for my son-in-law to pick up and have ready at my younger daughter's house when we drive down to see the babies.
Thanks for being here to help me figure this out.😆

annzeepark914 · February 15

My sister and I quit trying to find anything for each other several years ago. She came up with the idea that we buy something for ourselves we've really wanted and say it's from each other. I always head to Williams Sonoma and enjoy splurging on myself, knowing whatever I buy is from Sissie 😁

Cloud9Shopper · February 17

This is kind of a pet peeve too, but as someone who largely enjoys being alone, I wish people would always stop trying to bug me to date or to have roommates on trips or whatever. I’m going on a group cruise in October (I know this sounds hypocritical but it’s through my church and you are not expected to like spend all your time with the big church group or anything) and was planning to book a solo room, as the ship has designated solo rooms at a particular price point without a single supplement. I’ve had two different people try to approach me about getting a roommate and ask if they could find me one. Like yes, I know you trust Linda and I believe you when you say Janet is a nice lady but I don’t know who they are and what if I don’t mesh with them? IDK I don’t want to spend my vacation sharing a room with Linda who I barely know. If that works for some people, then I won’t shame them and I hope they too enjoy the cruise! But like just leave me alone and stop trying to force the issue. I get the intent behind it since these people say “oh I am just trying to save you money” and while I appreciate the thought…I’m on vacation! I want to enjoy myself and retreat to my own room at the end of the day!

Fortunately only my mom is annoying about the dating thing. I did have a friend a couple years ago who was trying to push me to talk to this guy who told her he thought I was pretty (like is he incapable of walking up to me and saying hello and making a conversation?) and she didn’t stop even after I told her no once. It took me another time or two to decline before she gave it up. Or my mom will say “just give this guy a chance; he likes you!” I don’t see guys being told they have to give women a chance; aren’t we past this kind of sexist stuff?

Yeah No · February 17

3 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

This is kind of a pet peeve too, but as someone who largely enjoys being alone, I wish people would always stop trying to bug me to date or to have roommates on trips or whatever. I’m going on a group cruise in October (I know this sounds hypocritical but it’s through my church and you are not expected to like spend all your time with the big church group or anything) and was planning to book a solo room, as the ship has designated solo rooms at a particular price point without a single supplement. I’ve had two different people try to approach me about getting a roommate and ask if they could find me one. Like yes, I know you trust Linda and I believe you when you say Janet is a nice lady but I don’t know who they are and what if I don’t mesh with them? IDK I don’t want to spend my vacation sharing a room with Linda who I barely know. If that works for some people, then I won’t shame them and I hope they too enjoy the cruise! But like just leave me alone and stop trying to force the issue. I get the intent behind it since these people say “oh I am just trying to save you money” and while I appreciate the thought…I’m on vacation! I want to enjoy myself and retreat to my own room at the end of the day!

I brought my response to this over to Pet Peeves.

Lisa418722 · February 17

7 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I don’t want to spend my vacation sharing a room with Linda who I barely know. If that works for some people, then I won’t shame them and I hope they too enjoy the cruise! But like just leave me alone and stop trying to force the issue. I get the intent behind it since these people say “oh I am just trying to save you money” and while I appreciate the thought…I’m on vacation! I want to enjoy myself and retreat to my own room at the end of the day!

I get this. I have gone on escorted bus trips before as a single and I enjoyed it because during the day I was around people, but at night, I had my own room, my own place to decompress from being around people all the time. I especially would not want to share a room with someone I really don't know. I'd rather pay a little more and have my own space.

annzeepark914 · February 18

Was it last week when we were discussing skintone leggings? That episode of Fixer Upper is on right now (S5E5) where the wife at the reveal, is wearing leggings and at first I thought she had nothing on under her long top 😆.

isalicat · February 18

On 2/17/2024 at 4:17 AM, Lisa418722 said:

I get this. I have gone on escorted bus trips before as a single and I enjoyed it because during the day I was around people, but at night, I had my own room, my own place to decompress from being around people all the time. I especially would not want to share a room with someone I really don't know. I'd rather pay a little more and have my own space.

For whatever reason, every time I have been in a situation of sharing a room with someone not of my choosing, that person winds up either a very loud snorer or a teeth grinder. I have spent many nights on the bathroom floor in exile from a comfy bed in order to sleep (I have never found earplugs that were both comfortable and effective and I've tried a hundred different brands). So whatever it costs, I always, always opt for a room by myself for actual sleeping in...and getting a proper night's rest makes all the difference both during the trip and afterwards (as sleep deprivation generally leads to me getting a viral infection and regretting ever having gone anywhere).

shapeshifter · February 18

1 hour ago, isalicat said:

I have never found earplugs that were both comfortable and effective and I've tried a hundred different brands

Fortunately the foam plugs worked for me when I was sharing a room with a snorer for about 2 weeks while taking a course towards my masters, but that was the last time I tried to save a few bucks by not getting a hotel room.
Ditto on this part of your post:

1 hour ago, isalicat said:

every time I have been in a situation of sharing a room with someone not of my choosing, that person winds up either a very loud snorer or a teeth grinder

I hope @Cloud9Shopper does NOT get talked into taking a roommate on the cruise.

And now a free gift link to a very heart-warming article about keeping eggs warm on their way to the zoo on a very long plane flight:
https://wapo.st/49F4Eec 🦩🦩🦩🦩

No doors flying off. No fights erupting. Just spontaneous group caring. Like us here.

ECM1231 · February 19

Aww, I love that story, @shapeshifter! Thanks for sharing.

This is going to be a long post, and I apologize in advance, but writing succinctly has never been my strength.

31 years ago, when my son was in 2nd grade, he became friends with a female classmate that I will call Jane. Because of their friendship, I became good friends with Jane's mom, who I will call Liz. The friendship continued until 7th grade, when we moved to the suburbs. Although it was only about a 30 minutes' drive away, we didn't really see each other after that, and the friendship lapsed.

Shortly after we moved, Liz was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I felt so sad for my friend. I felt helpless in knowing what to do for her, and being that my love language is feeding people, I cooked up a week's worth of dinners right as she was having surgery and dropped them off to her house to feed her husband and 3 girls.

After that, Liz and her family came to my house once and about 9 years after moving, I was delighted to see Liz and her husband at my surprise 50th birthday party. I was so happy that my husband thought to invite them.

Over the years I'd send yearly Christmas cards, catching her up with news and sometimes I'd receive a return card, but mostly not.

A little over 3 years ago I was surprised to receive a phone call from Liz on my landline. We chatted for what seemed like forever and exchanged cell phone numbers. We promised not to lose touch again. As happy as I was to have reconnected with my old friend, I was saddened to find out that her cancer had returned, and she was undergoing both chemo and radiation.

My son got married, as did her youngest daughter, and we exchanged news and photos. I had a grandson and a year later she became a first-time grandma of a little granddaughter. Over the past 3 years she'd send me a good morning GIF from time to time. We would send each other holiday GIFs.

The last I heard from my friend was in May of last year when she sent me a Mother's Day GIF. In July my 2nd grandson was born, and I sent news and a photo. No reply. In September my youngest son married, and I again sent a photo. No reply. No reply to Thanksgiving nor Christmas GIFs. I'm pretty sure I sent a Christmas card, too. I did send a text message asking her if she was okay, but I didn't receive a reply. You might ask, as my husband did, why I didn't just call. I don't have an answer for that. We just weren't the phone call type of friends.

I was concerned that the worst had happened and so last week I Googled my friend's name along with the word obituary. She passed the end of June of last year, just about 2 weeks after my father-in-law. I was so, so sad to find out this way.

I told my son and asked him why he thought Liz's husband didn't inform me of her passing, and my son said he probably was too busy grieving to notify old friends. I suppose that makes sense, but I definitely would want most everyone I considered a friend to be notified of my passing. My friend was cremated and that was the only thing it said. There was no obituary, per se, and only the death date. If there had been a service of some kind and I'd been notified, I most definitely would have attended to pay my respects.

I asked my son to reach out to his old classmate/friend to offer our condolences. She is on Facebook but doesn't ever post, so he didn't want to reach out to her in that way. He had her phone number from maybe when they were in their twenties and were supposed to get together when he lived in Brooklyn, so he texted her. She didn't ask him how he found out about her mom's passing, but she did confirm it.

I also wondered why whomever now has her mobile phone number, didn't contact me to ask me to stop texting them. I also feel kind of strange b/c now there are photos out there of my grandchildren and my son and his bride on someone's cell phone that I don't know.

It's almost 8 months since her death, but I do want to acknowledge it in some way. She was Catholic, so I'm thinking I will send a Mass card to her husband and enclose a personal note.

Damn cancer!

Yeah No · February 19

6 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

I asked my son to reach out to his old classmate/friend to offer our condolences. She is on Facebook but doesn't ever post, so he didn't want to reach out to her in that way. He had her phone number from maybe when they were in their twenties and were supposed to get together when he lived in Brooklyn, so he texted her. She didn't ask him how he found out about her mom's passing, but she did confirm it.

I also wondered why whomever now has her mobile phone number, didn't contact me to ask me to stop texting them. I also feel kind of strange b/c now there are photos out there of my grandchildren and my son and his bride on someone's cell phone that I don't know.

It's almost 8 months since her death, but I do want to acknowledge it in some way. She was Catholic, so I'm thinking I will send a Mass card to her husband and enclose a personal note.

Damn cancer!

That's so sad, ECM! I've had similar happen with friends I've lost touch with but only once, and that was before cell phones and social media. The only way I found out that time was because a mutual friend that we had worked with years before called me to let me know. I was surprised that no one from her family called me because they knew me and this was only 6 years after we had lost touch (this was soon after I moved from NYC to CT). I figured maybe they didn't have my number and I was unlisted. I too would have attended any services for her but it was too late for that by the time I found out.

More recently, with other friends I'd lost touch with I've sometimes found out about their death from Facebook when spouses or other relatives post it on their page. It's too bad you couldn't at least have found out that way.

My father's long time good friend who took care of him at the end of his life and was there when the ambulance picked him up at home when he had Covid, passed away suddenly (she was at least 15 years younger than him) about a year and a half after his death. We had kept in touch on the phone and text messaging and had seen each other once since his passing. She lived in NYC and this was during the pandemic so getting together was not so easy. I'm glad I got to thank her in person for what she did for my dad, though. I gave her a nice gift and a hug.

About six months later, a day and a half before she died, she texted me to ask how everything was going and I wrote back. I thought it was strange that I didn't hear from her the next day. Then the day after that I got a text message that was obviously sent to everyone in her cell phone address book that she had passed suddenly in her sleep. I didn't even know who it came from, probably her son, but I didn't know him or anyone in her family. I wrote back but never got a response. So sad. At least they let me know, though! Those years during the pandemic were a nightmare for me. Losing her was another blow. Friends and relatives of hers wrote heartfelt messages on her Facebook wall and that helped but I didn't know any of them, unfortunately.

As far as the phone number is concerned, depending on the phone company I've read it can take 90 days to 6 months before they reassign a number, so if her family shut down her phone right away those messages you sent might have gone into the ether and nobody got them. When you text you don't get a message back that a number is out of service. I think it took over a year before my father's phone number was reassigned, and he was with Verizon. I only know that because I tried it every now and then to see if it was reassigned. I know, I'm morbid....

Now that I think of it, my father had friends that I didn't know about that he kept in touch with peripherally and didn't have their contact info. written down in any address book even on his computer or cell phone. They were also not on his Facebook friend list either. So I didn't know them at all much less how to contact them. I once had one of them track me down on Facebook to ask me how my father was because they hadn't gotten an email from him in a long time. I only had the login for one of his email accounts so I didn't know anyone was writing to him at the other one or I'd have let them know about his death. So there are always reasons people don't find out and it's usually something like that - they fall through the cracks. Sorry that happened to you!

And sorry to go on so long, like you, brevity is not my strong suit. (((hugs)))🤗

nokat · February 19

I feel embarrassed and like an idiot. I came in to my building that has security, so you need a key fob or to get buzzed in. I had seen a Prime driver pull in about ten minutes earlier before I walked in to the space with the mailboxes and before you get into the building.

I saw the Prime guy in this space, and let him in as he was carrying a package, and he gave me a hand gesture and a whispery thank you. We went to the elevator and I asked what floor. We were both in the elevator and I said something about the weather and he's looking at me confused, and then said "I'm deaf." I should have realized with the hand gesture but I can be slow. He was standing there, unable to hear someone asking who it was, so he could be buzzed in.

I know letters but no other ASL, but the gesture was a thank you.

Mondrianyone · February 19

I think you should give yourself a break. You're not an idiot for assuming that someone was a hearing person. We all do, all the time, unless we're given reason to know otherwise. I'll often thank someone with a wave of the hand, so that isn't necessarily a firm clue that he was deaf. I'm sure he encounters people every day who interact with him as if he can hear. It goes with the territory. Don't beat yourself up.

nokat · February 19

8 minutes ago, Mondrianyone said:

I think you should give yourself a break. You're not an idiot for assuming that someone was a hearing person. We all do, all the time, unless we're given reason to know otherwise. I'll often thank someone with a wave of the hand, so that isn't necessarily a firm clue that he was deaf. I'm sure he encounters people every day who interact with him as if he can hear. It goes with the territory. Don't beat yourself up.

Thanks, but in hindsight it was there with the gesture for thank you. He obviously was used to it and was nice about it.

SoMuchTV · February 19

1 hour ago, nokat said:

I saw the Prime guy in this space, and let him in as he was carrying a package, and he gave me a hand gesture and a whispery thank you. We went to the elevator and I asked what floor.

Omygosh that ended so much better than I was afraid it would. “I let this guy into the building thinking he was a delivery guy and he ended up being a serial killer”.

shapeshifter · February 20

57 minutes ago, SoMuchTV said:

Omygosh that ended so much better than I was afraid it would. “I let this guy into the building thinking he was a delivery guy and he ended up being a serial killer”.

HAHAHA! I'm glad I wasn't the only one.

nokat · February 20

1 hour ago, SoMuchTV said:

Omygosh that ended so much better than I was afraid it would. “I let this guy into the building thinking he was a delivery guy and he ended up being a serial killer”.

I'm lol at this. People are always being let in. Amazon boxes, and we assume it's a delivery. Next day news: serial killer let in by surprised resident. "He used empty Amazon boxes to get in," she said.

Bookworm 1979 · February 20

3 hours ago, nokat said:

Thanks, but in hindsight it was there with the gesture for thank you. He obviously was used to it and was nice about it.

I work with a guy who uses the "thank you" gesture and there is nothing wrong with his hearing at all, it's just a habit of his. Don't beat yourself up over not realizing he was deaf! 😊

P.S. My husband is a wheelchair user and when we first started going out I was saying stupid stuff to him. All. The. Time.

Edited February 20 by Bookworm 1979

Cloud9Shopper · February 21

It’s been a week since I’ve been off Reddit, and while I’m not going to claim I’m now more enlightened and smarter than everyone else who uses it, here are a few things I’ve learned so far:

I’m in a better mood in the morning, for as much as I like mornings, which is to say not much. 😂 But it is nice to not start the day in fandom arguments or doom scrolling.

I was in a snark sub for a particular blog, and now I don’t really visit that blog unless I think about it. When I do I don’t have the same inclination to read the comments and snark since I can’t open Reddit to do so or read others’ thoughts.

With my fandom involvement, you learn pretty fast that the stuff we argue about in fandom subs does not matter outside of the Internet or to people not in that type of group. (Several months ago I tried to explain shipping to my mother and she was very lost, and I did kind of realize how crazy this sounds to some people.) It’s also kind of nice to not talk about the same topic for the 50th time because there’s no new content to turn to otherwise.

Thought I had just before this post: if I really want to make some progress in life, like find a new job or learn new skills, it’s probably for the best that after Lent, I either don’t go back on Reddit or learn to scale back how and when I use it. So much time is wasted when you doom scroll or look for posts to respond to or argue with people who are also too online that could be better spent on school, or preparing for a career change, or even just doing those miscellaneous chores I keep putting off or getting into new hobbies.

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