S05.E05: False Starts And False Promises

[greekmom]

Quote

Gino worries that Jasmine is materialistic and has a bad temper; Memphis isn't pleased with Hamza's performance in the bedroom; Johnny's family worries about him going to the U.S.; Ximena tells Mike a big secret; Alina wants a commitment from Caleb.

First Look: 1/7/22

TLC: 1/9/22

Discovery Plus: 1/9/22

[Stuckathome]

Curious what Ximena's big secret is----she had a jailhouse wedding to her second baby daddy? 2nd Baby Daddy is due to be released soon and wants to have a gun battle for her ? She once worked as a prostitute? 

Gino, what clued you in that she is materialistic? LOL

Memphis, wow, just wow....I am always amazed at how much personal crap they are willing to put out there on tv for the world which includes their families to see...... having flashbacks to Laura and ALadin and her purple friend and blabbing about how he wouldn't go down on her SMH

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, Stuckathome said:

Curious what Ximena's big secret is----she had a jailhouse wedding to her second baby daddy? 2nd Baby Daddy is due to be released soon and wants to have a gun battle for her ? She once worked as a prostitute? 

Gino, what clued you in that she is materialistic? LOL

Memphis, wow, just wow....I am always amazed at how much personal crap they are willing to put out there on tv for the world which includes their families to see...... having flashbacks to Laura and ALadin and her purple friend and blabbing about how he wouldn't go down on her SMH

 First bolding:  all three?

Second bolding: this made me laugh out loud!

This episode dropping today?  Everyone sing along:  "Happy Birthday to me!  Happy Birthday to me!  Happy Birthday Mrs Hanson, Happy Birthday to me!"  

[CrazyInAlabama]

#4 for Ximena, she already had a failed visa attempt?   Or a criminal history that won't let her come to the U.S.?   My real guess is that she's pregnant again by prison guy.   

So Memphis expects Hamza to be an experienced, great lover?    I bet he's trainable, but she's not seeing that.   

[Frozendiva]

So Caleb didn't go all the way with Alina. He does recognize the size difference and I don't know if he really is attracted to her in-person. Maybe he is trying to be a decent guy thinking she is a decent girl and he should be a bit more respectful. And it isn't enough for her, or so it seems. He should be X Y and Z already. You two have been talking online off and on for 13 years. It is different in person. If she wants him to be more of a cad, tell him and that way she gets what she wants.

Jasmine takes Gino shopping. Expecting him to drop a few hundred dollars on clothes she'd prefer him to wear. Gino, you told her that you weren't currently working and you can't justify $500 on new clothes right now. You could have bought one pair of trousers and a shirt to make her happy. Chances are that you won't come back to buy the stuff and the clerk will put the clothes back.

Mike and Ximena did do it. The best night of his life and for her, just normal. And she has a secret. I think I zoned out for a minute but I believe she can't have any more kids. And that Mike wants to be a dad and have his own kids. She probably sees him as a stable, boring guy who can buy her stuff. No idea if this will work.

[magemaud]

26 minutes ago, Frozendiva said:

So Caleb didn't go all the way with Alina. He does recognize the size difference and I don't know if he really is attracted to her in-person.

I interpreted it as he couldn’t get it up! 

[Frozendiva]

3 minutes ago, magemaud said:

I interpreted it as he couldn’t get it up! 

That is possible too! I was only half-watching.

[Polliwollidoodle]

Wow. I usually doze off and miss quite a bit but pretty sure with Xiomena she had her tubes tied and"burned" yes she said that! So she cannot have any more babies. 

[Colfrmb]

Mike, mike, mike.  He is really unattractive, the more I see him.  The way she can slather him with affection earns her an award of some kind.  I’d be looking at him trying to figure out if it’s just the angle or the lighting.  But it’s all reality here.  That said, he really wanted kids and I guess she lied about her situation.  That’s gotta hurt.     
I can see Cah-lib’s conundrum here.  Will all their parts connect the conventional way when they are doing the deed?  He is petrified that he might discover, mid-act, that it’s going to be either kissing or the skiddlypoop and not both.  In all those 13 yrs, he should have asked if any of her serious lovers were of conventional proportions and whether all the pieces fit together correctly.  Easier to do in a text than in person.  This is tough.     
I feel so bad for Gino but he is aware of his predicament and how to deal with it.  “Take out your wallet” really triggered me.  So if Gino invited a friend who is a pretty female to have dinner with him and Jasmine, would she be ok with it?  I think there would be human blood on the steak knives by the end of the meal.     
Memphis and Hamza - Hamza wants to be a boy toy because “he sexy”.  So far I haven’t seen Memphis  clean up to look anything like her social media posts but she is realistically cute.  And she definitely has “big boobies”.

[greekmom]

Watched the preview.

So Caleb and Alina didn't do the deed yet.  I am wondering if either a) Caleb isn't interested in Alina or b) he's worried about the logistics of it all? Like maybe he's afraid he would hurt her?   I don't know and at this point, i really don't care. Maybe Alina can take a page from Ellie and get a vibrator collection.

Meanwhile, Mike and Ximena did the deed and Mike is happy he lost his flower to Ximena but Ximena wasn't all that impressed with Mike's bedroom skills or Mike's disgusting underwear.  Mike wants alone time but Ximena won't have it yet and drags her family along to some tropical oasis in the jungle with Mike.  Ximena's secret is that she got her tubes tied/burned so she won't have anymore kids.  She thinks that this is going to devastate Mike because he wants a little Mikey with Ximena.

After Gino and Jasmine boinked the next day Gino sets up Jasmine's new electric toothbrush (you know she can use it as a toy and call it "Al") they go clothes shopping.  Jasmine expects unemployed Gino to drop over 500 bucks on a shit load of new threads.  Gino ain't having it.  Why couldn't they just get one pair of shorts, a shirt and nice shoes instead of those god awful sandals? (but koodos to Gino he didn't pair them up with socks).

 

[Frozendiva]

I would be up-front on my online dating profile and inform any potential suitors that i didn’t want any children.  Or lead some dudes on and after they think they are in love with me, drop the news. Oh by the way…

[greekmom]

4 hours ago, Frozendiva said:

I would be up-front on my online dating profile and inform any potential suitors that i didn’t want any children.  Or lead some dudes on and after they think they are in love with me, drop the news. Oh by the way…

So true but when have these yahoos been honest and upfront with their potential partners!?!?!

[Frozendiva]

46 minutes ago, greekmom said:

So true but when have these yahoos been honest and upfront with their potential partners!?!?!

Maybe when the show first started.

You would think after chatting with him via the App for months that the subject of kids would have been brought up. Even if he simply asked her if she planned on having other children (since she had two) in the future He was looking forward to being a dad some day (even if she isn't the baby mother). Easy to say that she had a medical issue and could not have any more kids. Or whatever reason. It would be something on the profile that says no kids or undecided or whatever.  It is a dealbreaker for a lot of people. Not something you bring up on the first couple of dates. But if things turn serious, it shouldn't be some sort of secret of he'll leave me if I tell the truth. Yeah, he might. He might not. He may want to be a stepdad. Dads are dads.

I think Molly hemmed and hawed over telling her boyfriend that at 45 years old, she didn't want any more children and couldn't have them any more. He still seems to be around so he may be okay with it. At least for now.

A big problem is a lack of communication with these folks, leaving out relevant information about themselves, and in a lot of cases, both being in different pages, chapters, and books of relationships. The partners may never live up to whatever perceived expectation the other has of him or her.

Of course, if everyone was honest, the show would be boring.

[Kid]

Hamza (aka Quick DrawMcGraw) and Memphis - Don’t like her.

X and Mike - she sees her meal ticket fading away.

Gino and Jasmine - at least he realizes he is a cash machine.

Ella and Johnny - love Stony.

Caleb and Alina - something about her bothers me.  I have to respect he is being honest with her.

Usman and Kim - there are no words.

 

[Alonzo Mosely FBI]

Ximena. Something was lost in the translation for me on her description and suffering w/ the pain of a c section. Like rusty scalpel and no anesthesia c section suffering? Or feeling like "less than" because you could not deliver your baby without surgery.  I feel it is the 2nd and a cultural thing. I don't think Ximena has an awareness of things like in vitro, and fertility intervention to conceive. This makes me concerned  with their disparity in education and modern science being a big problem for them. Also the fact she was literally a baby when her first child was born- this girl has a lot of untreated trauma I fear.  I think Mike is nice and patient and a steady Eddie but is it all too much?

[Mrs. Hanson]

@Alonzo Mosely FBI I was coming here To say the same thing.  Did you get no drugs?  I think she feels "less than" and hence the tears.  Good for Mike for his reaction.

Gino!!  You stood your ground on the clothes!!

Caleb, you befuddle me.  First I thought you were nice, then I thought you were a douche.  Now I am circling back to a good guy.  He just needs time to process and is expressing it.  And finally a guy (or girl) who does NOT get butt hurt over no coitus within an hour of landing.  And being a gentleman over taking his time over even kissing her.

Okay, tomorrow is a big day for me:  15 years since I had gastric bypass.  I get to say this, with love:  "I want to lose 10 pounds before Johnny gets here."  Please put a 5 in between the one and the five and take out want and replace with need and allow me to help you. You have been feeding your feelings waaaay too long and you need help.  You are way to young to be that heavy.  She was in a Planet Fitness and that is a great start as they make it clear it is a no shame zone.  And Ella, at Planet Fitness people are there to get fit, not worry about you. 

No KIMBAAAAALEEE!!!

Pastor Predator shows up next week.

Edited January 9, 2022 by Mrs. Hanson

[Alonzo Mosely FBI]

22 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

@Alonzo Mosely FBI I was coming here To say the same thing.  Did you get no drugs?  I think she feels "less than" and hence the tears. 

Okay, tomorrow is a big day for me:  15 years since I had gastric bypass.  I get to say this, with love:  "I want to lose 10 pounds before Johnny gets here."  Please put a 5 in between the one and the five and take out want with need and allow me to help you. You have been feeding your feelings waaaay too long and you need help. 

I 100% agree and CONGRATS on your 15 year anniversary! Committing to the changes w/gastric bypass etc is very hard work, good for youu!!!

[magemaud]

On 1/8/2022 at 12:12 PM, greekmom said:

So Caleb and Alina didn't do the deed yet.  I am wondering if either a) Caleb isn't interested in Alina or b) he's worried about the logistics of it all?

Caleb certainly isn't the first average sized man to have sex with a Little Person. Alina's torso looks to be average sized, it's just her arms and legs that are short so I don't think that would pose a problem. True, like he said they couldn't kiss and have sex at the same time, but to me that's also not a deal breaker. He could have gotten some tips from Chris (Amy Roloff's new husband.) 

Edited January 9, 2022 by magemaud

[Polliwollidoodle]

Well it's honest I suppose ( Caleb and Alina) but TMI perhaps?

[Auntie Anxiety]

On 1/7/2022 at 9:43 PM, CrazyInAlabama said:

So Memphis expects Hamza to be an experienced, great lover?    I bet he's trainable, but she's not seeing that

Hazmat’s hand never had any complaints.

[Auntie Anxiety]

2 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Okay, tomorrow is a big day for me:  15 years since I had gastric bypass. 

WTG, @Mrs. Hanson. That’s a big deal. Congratulations.

[Kid]

Here is what I do not understand. Why do these women who like their sexy time, and there is nothing wrong with that, choose men from cultures like Hasma’s???  Laura and Nicole had nothing going for them and Britney was just a skank. Memphis would actually have something to offer.These men have neither the knowledge or the inclination to please a woman. A woman is a vessel to be used because he can’t get it outside of marriage and a baby maker. Satisfying a woman sexually doesn’t even enter their mind.

Pick an Italian. Or a Frenchman. Or a Spaniard.

 

[Auntie Anxiety]

16 minutes ago, Kid said:

Pick an Italian. Or a Frenchman. Or a Spaniard

Or a Caleb. I think he’s a douchebag but I bet he’s a good lover.

[Mrs. Hanson]

On 1/9/2022 at 3:31 PM, Auntie Anxiety said:

WTG, @Mrs. Hanson. That’s a big deal. Congratulations.

Thank you.  And it will be 16 years, not 15. Thank you Covid.

I am not advocating for WLS for anyone.  I am advocating for her to help HERSELF and not think her "Asian prince" is going to show up and cure her of both her weight issue and fill a seemingly endless need for some fairy tale she has woven.  She has a rough road, I believe there is data to support adults who were obese as kids, it is just really hard to lose.  It is like it is in their DNA or something.

Hey Ximena?  After pushing the 11 pound "best accident I ever had" out of my yoo hoo, when second one had to be cut out of me I was like where do I sign?

Love Johnny's parents.

Edited January 11, 2022 by Mrs. Hanson

[nutella fitzgerald]

I would pay extra for Discovery Plus Plus to get to see a Pillow Talk with Zied reacting to Hamza’s artless attempt at scamming his mother. So mach terrible.

[JeanJean]

I'm interested in whether Jasmine has any women friends. I find her constantly referring to other women as "bitches" alarming.

Caleb is so good at handling people who are intrusive and rude. "I'll be over here" made me laugh, and last week he was very even-tempered with Elijah while letting him know he was violating boundaries.

[Maximadc]

I think Caleb didn’t find Alina attractive at the airport , and he is not going to be attracted to her sexually in the future. Now he is saying  ‘getting used to’ stuff just to keep their story line going. I can see this through my tv screen, and I’m sure Alina can feel it as well. 
 

[Gobi]

Wrong thread. 😢

Edited January 10, 2022 by Gobi

[JeanJean]

8 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

@Alonzo Mosely FBI I was coming here To say the same thing.  Did you get no drugs?  I think she feels "less than" and hence the tears.  Good for Mike for his reaction.

Gino!!  You stood your ground on the clothes!!

Caleb, you befuddle me.  First I thought you were nice, then I thought you were a douche.  Now I am circling back to a good guy.  He just needs time to process and is expressing it.  And finally a guy (or girl) who does NOT get butt hurt over no coitus within an hour of landing.  And being a gentleman over taking his time over even kissing her.

Okay, tomorrow is a big day for me:  15 years since I had gastric bypass.  I get to say this, with love:  "I want to lose 10 pounds before Johnny gets here."  Please put a 5 in between the one and the five and take out want and replace with need and allow me to help you. You have been feeding your feelings waaaay too long and you need help.  You are way to young to be that heavy.  She was in a Planet Fitness and that is a great start as they make it clear it is a no shame zone.  And Ella, at Planet Fitness people are there to get fit, not worry about you. 

No KIMBAAAAALEEE!!!

Pastor Predator shows up next week.

So it's HAPPY BIRTHDAY and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

[nutella fitzgerald]

20 minutes ago, JeanJean said:

Caleb is so good at handling people who are intrusive and rude.

Alina continues to surprise me with her ability to befriend people who are intrusive and rude. I also wonder when she is going to run out of unflattering things to say about Americans. It’s not cute and it doesn’t fool anyone into thinking she isn’t desperate for the D.

[Burning Rubber]

It's so wrong of Ximema to lie about having children, and only telling Mike AFTER he invested lots of money keeping her housed and furnished, indirectly supporting her two kids, flying to Costa Rica and sealing the deal with intercourse. 

She took away his choice to walk away because he wanted to father children, time after time.

He may be painful to look at, but he should not be a simp. Dump her bad-boy-chasing, manipulative, exploitative ass.

[Kid]

2 minutes ago, Burning Rubber said:

It's so wrong of Ximema to lie about having children, and only telling Mike AFTER he invested lots of money keeping her housed and furnished, indirectly supporting her two kids, flying to Costa Rica and sealing the deal with intercourse. 

She took away his choice to walk away because he wanted to father children, time after time.

He may be painful to look at, but he should not be a simp. Dump her bad-boy-chasing, manipulative, exploitative ass.

He should have walked away the minute she told him. Not because she cannot have kids but because she proved she is deceitful and has been using him.  Ergo, how can he trust her? 

[Burning Rubber]

Alina's Turkish friend was the rudest, most hostile friend I've seen on this show so far. I clapped when Caleb cut her down to size, pun intended.

[Burning Rubber]

Jasmine will devour Gino's alive, crack his bones to suck out the marrow, until there is no trace left of him.

He seems to lack self-preservation or is blind to lethal threats.

[Burning Rubber]

Ella, ten lbs won't make an iota for difference. 

My prediction is that "Johny" will never make it to America. The show is spending too much time on the "pre-meeting" segments.

[Burning Rubber]

Memphis is gorgeous. As is Hayet!

Memphis is right, Hayet has no business judging Memphis' divorce when she is divorced herself. Too bad she wasn't quick-witted to turn the tables on her.

It reminds me of that famous article "the only moral abortion is my abortion."

[nytonc]

This has to be the biggest batch of losers to ever humiliate themselves on 90 Day but I say that about every new cast.  

I love that Memphis told Hazmat she wasn’t gonna put up with any premature ejaculating. Fix that shit Hazmat!  I don’t love the fact that she disrespected his mother’s home. Not cool. Get a room. They could get the hourly rate. 

Jasmine’s jealousy has to be an act. I refuse to believe she’s interested in anything about this guy except his ability to provide passage to the US. If she makes it over here, she’ll bail on Day 91 and flee to Miami to meet up with the rest of the scammers. 

I think Alina will probably end up broken-hearted. 
 

 

Edited January 10, 2022 by nytonc

[Burning Rubber]

Hazmat lied about his age? Wait, what? 

Whyyyyyyy

[Adeejay]

Caleb is a typical dudebro with f-boy tendencies, but he is not the cruel asshole some are making him out to be. Unless I missed it, I don't think he ever said that he is aiming to make a full-on commitment to Alina upon meeting her. I believe he just wants to see if their online connection translates over into "real life".  Alina and her friends seem to be expecting something that Caleb never actually promised her.

[Drogo]

6 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Or a Caleb. I think he’s a douchebag but I bet he’s a good lover.

“She’s fine down there by herself” doesn’t inspire a ton of confidence.

[seasons]

Mother Hamza is so beautiful. I feel so bad that she is alone. She's probably not even 50.

Hamza is incredibly handsome. And those lips are perfect! 

Memphis is a clueless, selfish woman.

[1011101010001]

Is Memphis bug-eyed?  Like a thyroid issue?

[seasons]

Ximena's facial mole is really distracting me.

I can't stand anything growing on me like that.

My friend had one that she had to pluck the hairs out of from time to time. Gag.

But many people feel this is what God gave them or they don't want a scar. I'd take a scar any day over something like that. JMO, of course.

[Frozendiva]

52 minutes ago, Drogo said:

“She’s fine down there by herself” doesn’t inspire a ton of confidence.

She is waiting for him to plug his USB stick, er disco stick as she calls it.

[ChiMama]

2 hours ago, Burning Rubber said:

 

Jasmine will devour Gino's alive, crack his bones to suck out the marrow, until there is no trace left of him.

He seems to lack self-preservation or is blind to lethal threats.

 

I actually think Gino does a pretty good job standing up for himself (and his exes). He asked her not to call his ex-wife stupid, refused to drop $500 he couldn’t afford on clothes, explained his current financial situation honestly & forthrightly, stood up for his home decor/paint colors, and dammit - keeps his hat on! LOL

The toothbrush gift/lack of a Christmas gift is just a doofus, thoughtless move though. Nothing personal, or fun, or romantic — even if small/inexpensive? And, he could have bought ONE outfit (who needs 3 pair of khaki shorts?)  it didn’t have to be all or nothing.

[CrazyInAlabama]

I'm so glad everyone is posting about this episode.    We had the usual thunderstorm line come through, so I missed a lot of the last hour because I turn everything off during lightning storms.       I know they have the reruns later in the week, but since they often show the juicy stuff at the end of the episode, there was a lot I missed.    

Caleb and Alina simply don't make sense.     They have no real connections emotionally, and I suspect they're just on the show for publicity.  

I feel sorry for Mike, he's going to find out what Ximena said about him, and that will be devastating.     Even if she comes to the U.S., will her sons be able to come here right away?    And I wouldn't be surprised if she will demand Mike gets a big house, because she'll think she can import the entire family, and he'll support them too. 

Caleb and Jasmin seem perfect for each other.   They both have the same hideous laugh, and seem to be happy with their dynamic.  

 

[Polliwollidoodle]

6 hours ago, MrBuhBye said:

Is Memphis bug-eyed?  Like a thyroid issue?

I didn't really think that, but I did notice she kept doing something strange with her eyes: a kind of fluttering or blinking like trying to focus? I noticed it particularly when they were at the cafe and I wasn't sure if it was just that the sun was in her eyes or if this was going on other times but I just didn't notice it.

[Jeanne222]

19 hours ago, Kid said:

Hamza (aka Quick DrawMcGraw) and Memphis - Don’t like her.

X and Mike - she sees her meal ticket fading away.

Gino and Jasmine - at least he realizes he is a cash machine.

Ella and Johnny - love Stony.

Caleb and Alina - something about her bothers me.  I have to respect he is being honest with her.

Usman and Kim - there are no words.

 

I don't like Memphis either.  She seemed gleeful momma caught them!  She wanted to be on top to show momma who's boss!

X  has bad history.  Run Mike!

How could Gino even afford to be there?

Ella and Johnny...meal ticket!

Caleb and Alina.........I think he likes her but the reality of their situation overwhelms him. 

Usman  isn't 32!   Kim is very unattractive.

Edited January 10, 2022 by Jeanne222

[Stuckathome]

So when Ximena's entire clan piled in the car for the trip to the hot springs, I was hoping someone here remembered my story of my free loading (even though they had money) ex inlaws from Peru that I posted in an earlier thread from this season. LOL....I hoped the producer/translator would tell Mike what she said about his performance.....actuallly they should do that with all these fools when there is a language barrier. Translate shit in real time for the other party and film the reactions. Listening to me TLC??? From what friends tell me, c-sections are common (& preferred to keep things down there tight) in Colombia, so I don't think she has any cultural shame going on....actually my Colombian friend who now lives here, when she was pregnant with her first was furious the doc wouldn't just schedule a c-section for her and she ended up delivering vaginally. Because, you know, no medical reason not to....Anyway, Mike needs to pack up and run back to NY ASAP. She actually gave him the perfect reason to bail without looking like a douchebag----she lied about a major issue that she knew would be an issue. She deceived him. Even the men in her family would give him a pass since she can't provide kids. She and the family want an ATM. Run Mike run. 

Memphis and Hamza---holy crap his mother and sister are GORGEOUS!!! His poor mother's face the next morning when she walked in and they were in the same bed. I felt so bad for her and I am sure he felt like a pile of shit. Still, if he was a minute man why didn't he scutttle back to his couch once they were done? I think Memphis probably even felt a little bad that she made him disrespect his family and it wasn't all that.....of course, my boyfriend, who doesn't understand why I watch this show, walked in as she was talking to him about premature ejaculation and exclaimed, "WTF are you watching???" lol 

Johnny seems sweet and I love that little boy.....seeing as he is the sole breadwinner for the family, I am extra shocked he is giving up a good job to fly to IDAHO for HER??? I know there are a shortage of eligible women in China, but...? Seriously?? I dont' think he will ever make it here due to Covid. Hell, my coworker, who is Chinese born but now a US citizen couldn't get a visa to go see her dying mother in time. 

[Drogo]

Watching a translator app demolish a conversation between two crying adults about not being able to have children is just painful. 
 

“We’ve talked about this about wanting to have at least one more kid.  She knows it’s always been a dream of mine.” —-> Mike, you have never talked to her. You don’t know her, not even at surface level.  Everything about your relationship is artificial.