S02.E09: ... stalked my own mother

[paulvdb]

Quote

A disastrous snooping incident compels Devi and Nalini to do some introspection. Paxton steps out of his comfort zone. Eleanor has a breakthrough.

 

[shapeshifter]

Great season 2 penultimate episode packed with a lot of emotion for many of the characters. 😥

Of all the voice mails from my mom, the only one I have left is a weak "hi"  😥so I loved the video Devi's mom saved and played.

Thank goodness they have Nirmala living with them. 

What's up with Paxton's "pal"?

 

ETA: When I was a young single, a friend told me that everyone always said I was "nice, but crazy," so I love the exploration of what it's like to be called "crazy."

 

Edited July 17, 2021 by shapeshifter

[memememe76]

I absolutely love the grandmother!!!

[archer1267]

I haven't been a fan of Devi's mom but my heart broke for her in this episode. I wanted to see Devi get called out for being a total brat with no sense of other people's boundaries. In a real life situation, I would hope for both mom and daughter to see a counselor together to work through their grief. Of course her mom misses companionship and wants some space away from work and home. I liked her budding romance with the doctor, but the timing was likely off.

ETA: forgot to mention that I was oddly proud of Paxton and the presentation he gave. Yay Paxton!

Edited July 19, 2021 by archer1267

[tennisgurl]

Awww Paxton did a really good job with his presentation! I knew that when they showed the books that his grandpa gave him at the start of the season that he would find something in there. 

Nirmala for the win! I am glad that Devi really realized that her mom is struggling with the loss of her dad as much as she is, even if they don't really talk about it. Her romance with the doctor was sweet, but it probably is still too soon for her her to start dating, she doesn't seem ready yet. 

Edited July 20, 2021 by tennisgurl

[Irlandesa]

2 hours ago, tennisgurl said:

Awww Paxton did a really good job with his presentation!

Yeah.  He got his grandpa to do it for him. :)  But it was definitely a cool idea.

[nasir jones]

On 7/18/2021 at 1:18 AM, memememe76 said:

I absolutely love the grandmother!!!

I definitely did NOT cry when the grandmother described her last conversation with Devi’s father. Oh, who am I kidding… of course I did.
 

The grandmother has been a terrific addition to the show.

[dungeonwriter]

On 7/20/2021 at 2:31 PM, Irlandesa said:

Yeah.  He got his grandpa to do it for him. :)  But it was definitely a cool idea.

Normally I'd agree his grandfather did it for him, but it sounded like his grandfather never wanted to talk about it, and Paxton convinced him to open up. My grandmother survived Auschwitz, I get how delicate those conversations can be, and he had also clearly researched the issue and created a poster about it. 

He wanted to go above and beyond, and that meant thinking outside the box, beyond the paper. I kinda admire that, showing how Paxton may not be academic but has other skills like empathy and close family ties. 

So, well done, Paxton. 

 

Edited July 24, 2021 by dungeonwriter
added.

[Paloma]

Although I can't wait to watch the last episode, I'm taking a break to come here and say how moved I was by this episode. First by the presentation by Paxton and his grandfather, which moved me to tears because it made the terrible historical facts come alive (as the lesson was meant to do). Then for Devi's expression of fear that she really was crazy. Finally, my heart almost stopped when Devi's grandmother said "There is no time for hanging up or not speaking in this life"--I felt like she was speaking to me because of what happened last week near the end of a 3-week visit by my 38-year-old daughter and her 4-year-old daughter. Apologies in advance for the TMI, but this was so meaningful to me. My daughter and her family live overseas, and this was the first time we'd seen them since before the pandemic (almost 20 months). We'd had regular phone and video calls as well as text messages, and our relationship on that level was good. We'd also had a mostly good relationship in past visits, but tension would inevitably develop on extended visits because my daughter would speak to me with such impatience and rudeness for no good reason (and she never speaks that way to my husband). Basically, the dynamic in our family is similar to that of Devi's relationships with her parents and the relationship between her parents.

So I had been been eagerly looking forward to the visit (especially to spend time with my granddaughter) but at the same time worried that tension would flare up. Sure enough it happened, despite my attempt to keep calm and not react to her usual negative attitude toward me. There was a lot of anger expressed on both sides, and then for the remaining few days we mostly avoided each other. When we dropped them off at the airport Sunday, I feared that our relationship might never recover, and we haven't had any contact in the days since they left. So I paused the episode in the scene with Nirmala, Devi, and Nalini, and I sent my daughter a text with Nirmala's quote, adding "I hope we can make peace before too much time goes by." I don't know if it will help, but it's amazing when a fictional TV show can move you to try to change your own life.

And now on to the final episode.

[HappyBerry]

Between this and the Baby-Sitter's Club, I think Netflix is doing a really good job of raising awareness about the Japanese internment camps. It might just be coincidence that two shows in that tween/teen age group brought them up, but it seems intentional. As both shows make it clear, there are still people alive who were in them and have memories of them, but also that once they are gone, people will be even more unaware of them than they currently are.

[JLaw]

13 hours ago, HappyBerry said:

Between this and the Baby-Sitter's Club, I think Netflix is doing a really good job of raising awareness about the Japanese internment camps. It might just be coincidence that two shows in that tween/teen age group brought them up, but it seems intentional. As both shows make it clear, there are still people alive who were in them and have memories of them, but also that once they are gone, people will be even more unaware of them than they currently are.

I grew up on the East coast and took AP American History.  I didn't really learn about internment camps until one of my Asian friends in grad school told me about them

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, JLaw said:

I grew up on the East coast and took AP American History.  I didn't really learn about internment camps until one of my Asian friends in grad school told me about them

Even though I responded to your post with the Surprised! emoji, I really shouldn't be surprised because AP courses are notorious for being geared to preparing the students to pass the AP exam, which is not always a good way to learn the subject.

[twoods]

50 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Even though I responded to your post with the Surprised! emoji, I really shouldn't be surprised because AP courses are notorious for being geared to preparing the students to pass the AP exam, which is not always a good way to learn the subject.

I took AP history and learned about the internment camps, but maybe it’s because I live in California. Also read Farewell to Manzanar in AP English. After hearing how other states whitewash their curriculum to hide all the terrible things that the US did, I am very happy to be living here.

Edited July 31, 2021 by twoods

[possibilities]

I did NOT take AP history, and I live on the East Coast, and I DID learn about the camps. I thought my school was pretty crappy, to be honest. But we did learn about the internment camps.

I had a friend from CA who moved into our district in upstate NY when her dad got a job here, and she showed me her yearbook from her old school. They had zillions more after school clubs and other activities than we did, including lots of sports we didn't have, and they seemed to offer a lot more academic options, also. So I don't think it's just about what coast you live on. Our school had a few clubs and sports, and a few academic options (like French or Spanish, while hers also had a few other languages).

Educational quality seems to vary a lot in the USA, based on local school boards that set the standards, and amount of funding available. It's shocking how bad it is in some places, and how much variation there is in terms of options and quality overall.

But I thought the AP courses were supposed to be standardized, and if they're leaving that out, I consider it a national disgrace.

[Irlandesa]

3 hours ago, possibilities said:

But I thought the AP courses were supposed to be standardized, and if they're leaving that out, I consider it a national disgrace.

The tests are standardized but I don't believe the curriculum is. 

[shapeshifter]

22 hours ago, Irlandesa said:

The tests are standardized but I don't believe the curriculum is. 

My understanding (which could be outdated) is that the AP curriculum is just as highly standardized as the tests. The problem is that the goal of the AP class is to train the students to do well on the AP exam, which covers hundreds of years in 15 weeks, or about 70 hours, at most.  
But even in history classes that don’t stick to that formula, a teacher will go into greater depth in a few areas and often skip chapters, leaving the students to decide to read them.  
My oldest daughter attended a high school about 80 miles from Tule Lake, CA that didn’t have AP classes, so she may have had a unit on the camps. I’ll ask her.

ETA:

 

Edited August 1, 2021 by shapeshifter

[JLaw]

On 7/31/2021 at 4:39 PM, Irlandesa said:

The tests are standardized but I don't believe the curriculum is. 

I think you're right about this.  My teacher yadda yadded the internment camps

[festivus]

Finally had time to continue this show. Whoa, what a tearjerker. I ❤️ Devi's grandma and I want Niecy to be my therapist. I actually had forgotten about Devi's paralysis, I liked that they explored her feelings at being called crazy. It made me sad that she lost her voicemails. My dad died 4 years ago and I still would not be able to hear him. I don't have any voicemails but I do have video that I'm not ready to watch yet.  It took me a year before I could even do so much as glance at his picture. 

I liked this episode being more about family than the love life stuff. Even Eleanor got to have a nice family moment. So what the hell is this Paxton shit, with him being all "Whas up" at school? Bleh. Also I'm sad that Devi didn't listen to Kamala, she really needs someone to talk to.

[shapeshifter]

5 minutes ago, festivus said:

My dad died 4 years ago and I still would not be able to hear him. I don't have any voicemails but I do have video that I'm not ready to watch yet.

My elderly mom died alone due to Covid lockdown a year ago yesterday, and just yesterday I found a video of her voice. It was brief but perfect. She was trying to figure out how to take a picture of my oldest with a cellphone but accidentally made a video, which made my daughter laugh, but Mom decidedly to try again, and said to her “Look at me, sweetheart.” 🥰🥲🥰

[Paloma]

6 hours ago, festivus said:

My dad died 4 years ago and I still would not be able to hear him. I don't have any voicemails but I do have video that I'm not ready to watch yet.  It took me a year before I could even do so much as glance at his picture. 

 

6 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

My elderly mom died alone due to Covid lockdown a year ago yesterday, and just yesterday I found a video of her voice. It was brief but perfect.

I'm so sad for both of you but glad you have a video (even if @festivus is not yet ready to watch it).

[dubbel zout]

On 8/2/2021 at 3:53 PM, festivus said:

It made me sad that she lost her voicemails. My dad died 4 years ago and I still would not be able to hear him.

It's so interesting how people have different feelings about this. After my dad died, one of the first things my mom did was change the outgoing message so that it was her voice, not his. She felt it was too much like coming from beyond the grave and it creeped her out. Other friends kept their husband's voice because it was a comfort to them.

I'm not in therapy, but if I were, I'd definitely want Dr. Ryan as my therapist.

I think Paxton bringing his grandfather was very effective.

The look on everyone's faces when Nirmala said Nalini was an adult and could see who she wanted to without judgment from Devi was hilarious. 

I love how we see the parents through the kids' eyes but we know they're good people.

[chediavolo]

On 7/31/2021 at 8:09 AM, JLaw said:

I grew up on the East coast and took AP American History.  I didn't really learn about internment camps until one of my Asian friends in grad school told me about them

They never taught us either. Lots of problems with American schooling. 

[truthaboutluv]

On 8/2/2021 at 3:53 PM, festivus said:

I liked this episode being more about family than the love life stuff.

Yup, it's why I loved the episode too. I like when the show focuses on and reminds the audience that under all the messy angsty teenage behavior, Devil really did suffer something truly horrific and traumatic. And I like when she and her mother take a break from going at each other to focus on the loss they share. 

Paxton's grandfather was adorable and that storyline was a very nice addition to the episode. Eleanor continues to be annoying in general but I'm just glad that hopefully that's the last we'll see of the loser boyfriend. 

[Scarlett45]

On 7/18/2021 at 9:36 PM, archer1267 said:

I haven't been a fan of Devi's mom but my heart broke for her in this episode. I wanted to see Devi get called out for being a total brat with no sense of other people's boundaries. In a real life situation, I would hope for both mom and daughter to see a counselor together to work through their grief. Of course her mom misses companionship and wants some space away from work and home. I liked her budding romance with the doctor, but the timing was likely off.

ETA: forgot to mention that I was oddly proud of Paxton and the presentation he gave. Yay Paxton!

At the start of the episode, I thought this is was the one situation where Devi’s reaction to a situation was expected, and her Mom was a bit reactionary (I have enjoyed Devi as a character, but she’s SO DISRESPECTFUL and mouthy I cannot believe how she speaks to her Mom!)
 

Devi went to spy on the date, but she didn’t hurt anyone intentionally or destroy any property. She was still respectful to Dr Jackson and her Mom- she was acting in her grief/surprise. I think the Mom’s reaction was a bit over the top because it was after a long list of Devi “incidents”. 
 

For the record there was nothing wrong with Dr Jackson and Dr Vishwakumar dating or seeing each other socially, but Dr V just might not be ready yet. Her husband hasn’t been dead a year yet, whenever she’s ready.

And then Devi backtracked on her progress by lashing out- thank GOD her grandmother put her in her place. I’ve been waiting for that!!!

Paxton’s presentation was great.