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S03.E34: Life, Death, or Prison


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Kristianna confronts her sister and husband about some shocking rumors; Andrea's birthday blowup with her Mormon friend causes a stir; Michael surprises Sarah; Destinie and Shawn expose revealing secrets; Shavel and Quaylon spiral out of control.

It's the season finale!  The show desperately attempts to create major dramahz!!! in Kristianna's world.  You know, the woman who already said, well, basically if you get drunk and fall on your sister's partner's erect penis with your vagina it's not a big deal.  And since all we saw was ridiculously awkward moves put on John by Tara there's no reason to believe anything more happen.  But TV drama is needed! 

Yet again Andrea, the bestest, most devote Mormon ever, creates more dramahz!, likely over nothing.  The Book of Mormon states, "Ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free" - Helaman 14:30.  Unfortunately her sense of that freedom seems to include prison closet sex, lying to her (too damn good for her) children, throwing fits over nothing, and hitting her spouse. She seems to have forgotten two other key passages: "Be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted" - Alma 29:3 and "We must be humble and willing to change" - Mosiah 27:25.  Let's see that humility and contentment in action!

The only way Michael could surprise Sarah is if he made long term arrangements to commit to the care of his children.  If he comes slithering back claiming he wants to live with her again and raise the kids, we all know that will last until he entrances the next woman with his 😈🍆.

Destinie and Shawn likely reveal nothing we don't know. She despises him.  He is a fool. 'Nuf said. 

And in a surprise to no one the great tale of love that is the Shavel and Quaylon story falls to pieces.  Who could have seen that coming?  Their relationship was solid as a rock, er, quicksand during a flood.  Someday Shavel's daughter will watch this show and think, "Damn, my mother was a desperate fool, chasing prison dick and acting the clown." 

This is the 2-hour season finale.  Original air date 2021.03.12. 

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Sorry guys. I missed the live chat because I was swinging in a deserted park all night on the mean streets of Dubuque.

Who could have seen the explosive demise of Shavel and Quaylon? Oh, every single one of their family members, sans the small child who was forced to call him Daddy? Nevermind.

One line of amusement I’ve ever gotten from Marcelino (and Brittany): If she can’t get help up here, I’m not going to Antarctica.

Can you imagine hiring a “cleaning lady” who drinks all your booze and then drowns in your pool? This is almost as bad as hiring an HVAC tech who bangs Lacey on your couch.

Speaking of which... I love that John signed his dramatic goodbye letter as “John S.” How many Johns did Lacey literally and figuratively screw over that he needs to specify like he’s a Bachelorette contestant? Sorry, John S., the rose is going to John M. 

Malcolm, you seem like a decent guy; hopefully you escaped Sarah before you ended up with an enchanted STD. Meanwhile... Oh Michael kept his devil dick in his pants—despite the street makeout? Sir, you are parked a good 3 feet from the curb. Please repark your car. Oh, maybe he needed that much extra space to keep his lady friend away from his enchanted devil dick.

Puppy with the one fake eyelash on and her crystal glass of booze “enjoying life” is a meme waiting to be born. “I’ll stop drinking, Amber.” “Show me.” {Takes big swig of booze}  I love it! 

Ah, it’s all coming together! Sarah needs some Mormon undergarments to protect her from Michael’s devil dick! Andrea’s really trying to impress her friends with her LA life—but they think this is a life of sin. Double ovens are one thing. Who believes that Andrea is going up to gang members and teaching them not to shoot each other? Sounds a little familiar...“Ma’am, ma’am they cried—and these are very tough guys—thank you for showing us not to kill each other. You’re so brave. So smart. Our whole lives, it’s only been you who showed us the way. Can you believe that? Only me. No one knows about gangs in LA.” This lady’s mailbox is a mile away? The mail isn’t actually delivered to your house.

Just when you think Destinie is back in court for a parole violation—she ends up getting married to not-Shawn?!? “Finally did it?!” After dating a month?!? Huh?! Destinie is planning on not telling Shawn in hopes that she can keep getting money from him?! Oh, boy.

That was a fake-ass, half-hearted slap from Khristiana, who who would “never do this” to Terra—except for when she did right next to her while she was sleeping?!? 

Shavel should have been arrested for that crime of fashion, not the crime of passion. Quaylon’s little second-grader outer space backpack! What happened to his rolling suitcase?

Lacey is a literal air-head now? Baby is cute. Surprised grandpa isn’t already babysitting in the hospital.

Julie’s style and persona is exactly like Lacey, so John should be able to imprint on her and move on.

Back to the mailbox fight. I can get run over. I’m out of shape, so I might have a heart attack. Not exactly the same as worrying about a drive-by shooting. Who believes this woman would walk a 2-mile round trip to get her mail, anyway, and not just drive there? “I’ll let you hug me but I won’t hug you back.” “I feel privileged.” I hope this Ghana mission trip is filmed for next season. I cannot wait to hear Andrea tell these Ghanaians how easy they have it—you should see life in LA!

I’m glad to see Amber moved out. She actually is trying to turn her life around and stay out of trouble, so I wish her the best. Not so sure about this Sammy guy yet. Ah, I think Puppy just called it being co-dependent on Amber. That’s the same vibe I’m getting from Sammy. Yet another person that’s relying on Amber to “fix him” and keep him on the straight and narrow. Oh, please, we do not need to hear about Sammy’s foot fetish!

What?! Brittany’s forced help trip actually worked?! I mean, I’m assuming staying at this rehab facility was part of the plan, but that’s good. I imagine Vegas is probably the worst place to live for an alcoholic (and whatever else addict).

Oh, no. This is an ill-advised engagement. Michael was just making out with another woman! You were just trying to get Malcolm back! And now Maria is calling?!?

Destinie is back in prison and calling Shawn instead of her husband?! Oh, for money! Really?! Daaaamn. Hang up, Shawn! Hang up! What kind of person is HE?!? What kind of person are YOU?! What?! Who’s this?! Another inmate?! Learn your lesson! Oh, forget it, throw some more money out the window!

Oh, big surprise—Michael left Sarah and is back with Maria. Dumbass Sarah is probably still waiting for him to return so they can get married.

Whelp, this was a really action-packed finale! 

Edited by JenE4
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I was actually taken in by the 'Murgh proposes' scene, but I let out a yelp of laughter when the chyron revealed that he left right afterward and got back with Maria. I'm sure he'll claim next season/whenever/you know they'll be back that he left because Cabbage Patch didn't immediately accept with squeals of joy.

Shovel can afford a Land Rover, but she buys her clothes from Rainbow and her hair from the Dollar Store.

The new crew coming up in June (?) looks really rough, but don't they always?           

 

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6 hours ago, JenE4 said:

Destinie is planning on not telling Shawn in hopes that she can keep getting money from him?! Oh, boy.

Why is Shawn taking her calls? I don't think Destinie and his other prisoner girlfriend (!) are in the same facility, so when he gets a collect call from Destinie's jail, why doesn't he just not accept it? He's so fucking pathetic. 

6 hours ago, JenE4 said:

Julie’s style and persona is exactly like Lacey, so John should be able to imprint on her and move on.

When I saw the new woman, I thought "John has a type."

Lindsay is facing 6-10 years, which means she will have missed her daughter's entire childhood.

6 hours ago, JenE4 said:

I’m glad to see Amber moved out. She actually is trying to turn her life around and stay out of trouble, so I wish her the best. Not so sure about this Sammy guy yet. Ah, I think Puppy just called it being co-dependent on Amber. That’s the same vibe I’m getting from Sammy. Yet another person that’s relying on Amber to “fix him” and keep him on the straight and narrow.

I think Amber is a good person at the core (I thought it was astute that she said that dealing with Puppy made her realize what she put her loved ones through), and she's the only one of this group who is actually taking positive steps to turn her life around. She has a full-time job, she can support herself, she's not dealing with Puppy and her bullshit. But I think her goodheartedness means people take advantage of her, and I hope she's smart enough not to let that happen with Sammy. Really, she should probably be single for a while.

Did Andrea's friend say she feared for her life walking to the mailbox because she's out of shape and it's a mile away? Just ... what?

If I'm Shavel's cousin, the one that never liked Quaylon from the get, I don't think I could hold back on an "I told you so."

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I find Andrea exhausting; I can't imagine having to live with her.

If you were to look up, "has a lot of nerves" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Destinie next to it. 

I hope John put Lacey in his rear mirror. 

I would bet good money that Shovel and Quaylon are still doing the on and off tango. 

I was shocked to learn that Lindsey is now serving six to ten years.  Which means that she would have been gone all of Miley Grace's formative years.  I have a feeling they won't have much of a relationship.

With the exception of Shawn, all the stories appear to have ended.  So, hopefully we've seen the last of these people. 

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18 hours ago, Adeejay said:

I find Andrea exhausting; I can't imagine having to live with her.

We live in a city with a large number of Mormons.  I've met and worked with a lot of them.

Andrea is as much a Mormon in good standing as I am a professional basketball player (I'm female, 74 and 4'11 1/2" tall).

She's not going on a family missions trip to Ghana.  She's going on vacation (probably with some $$$ from TLC) and taking her Book of Mormon.  Not the same thing.  

Edited by AZChristian
I cut two years off my age - inadvertently. ;-)
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58 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Why is Shawn taking her calls? I don't think Destinie and his other prisoner girlfriend (!) are in the same facility, so when he gets a collect call from Destinie's jail, why doesn't he just not accept it? He's so fucking pathetic. 

Right? "Oh dear, Destinee! You're in trouble? You need money? Better call your husband!" Click.

10 minutes ago, AZChristian said:

We live in a city with a large number of Mormons.  I've met and worked with a lot of them.

Andrea is as much a Mormon in good standing as I am a professional basketball player (I'm female, 72 and 4'11 1/2" tall).

She's not going on a family missions trip to Ghana.  She's going on vacation (probably with some $$$ from TLC) and taking her Book of Mormon.  Not the same thing.  

I was rolling when she announced her "family mission trip". That is not a thing! Mormon men are supposed to go on mission when they're 19, for a year. They are highly trained beforehand, and they travel in pairs. They're encouraged to never let the other guy out of their sight and narc on their partners for any transgressions. Though I have to say, the thought of watching Andrea swanning through the streets of Accra, waving her book of Mormon and picking fights with the locals could be entertaining. 

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7 hours ago, JenE4 said:

Oh, please, we do not need to hear about Sammy’s foot fetish!

<whisper> speak for yourself, Jene4.

PS  I dozed off and on and must have missed this:  why, exactly, did Lindsey go back to jail?

Edited by Mothra
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47 minutes ago, Mothra said:

why, exactly, did Lindsey go back to jail?

They didn't say in this episode, but a few episodes ago she said (from jail) that she got pulled over and there were guns and drugs in the car. I'm guessing she went back to dealing, and as a felon she can't have a gun.

Here's some tea.

Did I miss the trailer for the upcoming season? My recording just has a 15-minute preview for Mama June, which I did not and will not watch.

Edited by Empress1
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5 hours ago, Pepper Mostly said:

Though I have to say, the thought of watching Andrea swanning through the streets of Accra, waving her book of Mormon and picking fights with the locals could be entertaining. 

We can see it now . . . "What do you mean you don't want to listen to me testify about the love of God and how he gave his commands to Joseph Smith.  What the f**k is wrong with you?????"

4 hours ago, Empress1 said:

They didn't say in this episode, but a few episodes ago she said (from jail) that she got pulled over and there were guns and drugs in the car. I'm guessing she went back to dealing, and as a felon she can't have a gun.

I read somewhere that she was also charged with driving a vehicle without the owner's permission.  Or - as some would call it - Grand Theft Auto.

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Didn’t Devil dick boo hoo to Sarah something about Maria being abusive, making him do and say things he didn’t want to do?  In that one scene he was hiding in the bathroom so Maria the beast would not know he was talking to Sarah.  He told his mother he wanted to settle down and he asked Sarah to “re-marry” him and then he runs off with Maria after she calls him.  He is mentally ill and needs help, he is not right in the head.   Jeez I hope we are done with that story.  I couldn’t stand another season of them returning.  It is just the same thing over and over.   Quaalude’s mother must have gotten to him and he was looking for a quick way out, his case against Shavel was weak.  I hope that Sammy character doesn’t drag Amber down and she can be just friends with Puppy again.  Can’t stand Andrea, but she has great kids.  Not sure why Destinee thinks Shawn owes her anything, they never married, she called him every name imaginable and told him he was just a trick.  The audacity and nerve of that girl is unreal.  John and Kristiana, whatever!

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Has there ever been anyone on this show as cringey as Sarah?  I felt such second hand embarrassment for her.  She keeps trying to act like this "cool girl" who only wants casual sex, when it is exceedingly clear that she wants to be in a committed relationship.  She was basically begging Malcolm to be her bang buddy and he turned her down flat.  Even Tony wanted the blow job, he just wanted it after the steak.  Goodness. "so you're completely out then?"  

I also wonder if this show had hidden cameras, because this girl Michael is with is looking very, very bottom barrel.  Does she know she is on TV?  That hair....girl why?  You're going to be on TV!  Get on Craigslist and look up someone to give you a fresh press n'curl!  

Also Andrea is being ridiculous right now.  Stop making Watts seem like a different country.  There are gangbangers and drug users in LA AND they are in SLC too.  Stop it Andrea

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tongan_Crip_Gang

http://www.wvcjournal.com/2019/06/10/201544/salt-lake-gangs-steady-and-beyond-west-side-problem-says-gang-expert

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If Destinee was dating this amazing man why was she out walking the streets and begging for $40 off shawn?  LOL.  If he is real, I'd pay to be a fly on the wall when he sees the show and realizes that Destinee isn't the victim she has made herself out to be. 

Destinee is going to screw Shawn over by not showing up for court....but she will be the one to lose her man if she goes to jail.  LOL

Edited by RealReality
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19 hours ago, JenE4 said:

Sorry guys. I missed the live chat because I was swinging in a deserted park all night on the mean streets of Dubuque.

Who could have seen the explosive demise of Shavel and Quaylon? Oh, every single one of their family members, sans the small child who was forced to call him Daddy? Nevermind.

One line of amusement I’ve ever gotten from Marcelino (and Brittany): If she can’t get help up here, I’m not going to Antarctica.

Can you imagine hiring a “cleaning lady” who drinks all your booze and then drowns in your pool? This is almost as bad as hiring an HVAC tech who bangs Lacey on your couch.

Speaking of which... I love that John signed his dramatic goodbye letter as “John S.” How many Johns did Lacey literally and figuratively screw over that he needs to specify like he’s a Bachelorette contestant? Sorry, John S., the rose is going to John M. 

Malcolm, you seem like a decent guy; hopefully you escaped Sarah before you ended up with an enchanted STD. Meanwhile... Oh Michael kept his devil dick in his pants—despite the street makeout? Sir, you are parked a good 3 feet from the curb. Please repark your car. Oh, maybe he needed that much extra space to keep his lady friend away from his enchanted devil dick.

Puppy with the one fake eyelash on and her crystal glass of booze “enjoying life” is a meme waiting to be born. “I’ll stop drinking, Amber.” “Show me.” {Takes big swig of booze}  I love it! 

Ah, it’s all coming together! Sarah needs some Mormon undergarments to protect her from Michael’s devil dick! Andrea’s really trying to impress her friends with her LA life—but they think this is a life of sin. Double ovens are one thing. Who believes that Andrea is going up to gang members and teaching them not to shoot each other? Sounds a little familiar...“Ma’am, ma’am they cried—and these are very tough guys—thank you for showing us not to kill each other. You’re so brave. So smart. Our whole lives, it’s only been you who showed us the way. Can you believe that? Only me. No one knows about gangs in LA.” This lady’s mailbox is a mile away? The mail isn’t actually delivered to your house.

Just when you think Destinie is back in court for a parole violation—she ends up getting married to not-Shawn?!? “Finally did it?!” After dating a month?!? Huh?! Destinie is planning on not telling Shawn in hopes that she can keep getting money from him?! Oh, boy.

That was a fake-ass, half-hearted slap from Khristiana, who who would “never do this” to Terra—except for when she did right next to her while she was sleeping?!? 

Shavel should have been arrested for that crime of fashion, not the crime of passion. Quaylon’s little second-grader outer space backpack! What happened to his rolling suitcase?

Lacey is a literal air-head now? Baby is cute. Surprised grandpa isn’t already babysitting in the hospital.

Julie’s style and persona is exactly like Lacey, so John should be able to imprint on her and move on.

Back to the mailbox fight. I can get run over. I’m out of shape, so I might have a heart attack. Not exactly the same as worrying about a drive-by shooting. Who believes this woman would walk a 2-mile round trip to get her mail, anyway, and not just drive there? “I’ll let you hug me but I won’t hug you back.” “I feel privileged.” I hope this Ghana mission trip is filmed for next season. I cannot wait to hear Andrea tell these Ghanaians how easy they have it—you should see life in LA!

I’m glad to see Amber moved out. She actually is trying to turn her life around and stay out of trouble, so I wish her the best. Not so sure about this Sammy guy yet. Ah, I think Puppy just called it being co-dependent on Amber. That’s the same vibe I’m getting from Sammy. Yet another person that’s relying on Amber to “fix him” and keep him on the straight and narrow. Oh, please, we do not need to hear about Sammy’s foot fetish!

What?! Brittany’s forced help trip actually worked?! I mean, I’m assuming staying at this rehab facility was part of the plan, but that’s good. I imagine Vegas is probably the worst place to live for an alcoholic (and whatever else addict).

Oh, no. This is an ill-advised engagement. Michael was just making out with another woman! You were just trying to get Malcolm back! And now Maria is calling?!?

Destinie is back in prison and calling Shawn instead of her husband?! Oh, for money! Really?! Daaaamn. Hang up, Shawn! Hang up! What kind of person is HE?!? What kind of person are YOU?! What?! Who’s this?! Another inmate?! Learn your lesson! Oh, forget it, throw some more money out the window!

Oh, big surprise—Michael left Sarah and is back with Maria. Dumbass Sarah is probably still waiting for him to return so they can get married.

Whelp, this was a really action-packed finale! 

Brittney's plan worked out swimmingly and she was able to dump her mother....just in the knick of time for the season finale.  I wonder how hard she worked her mother when the camera crew was gone to get her to stay in Alaska, because she didn't want to be bothered.  

I'm honestly sad that rehab didn't work out for Cindy, I hope something does work out for her but I never want to see her on my TV again.  Her story is too heartbreaking and yes, she is a shit mother who did shit things and should be dragged for being shit....but she is still a human person who had her own shitty life and is suffering.  I also do not want to see brittney and marcelino on my TV again.  Please just be done with these people.  

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Puppy and Amber feel like the authentic version of what Brittney was going for.  

I get the impression that Amber sincerely did the best she could to help, and walked away instead of exploiting Puppy's desperation for more camera time.  

I think Amber needs to get away from Sammy too.  Like all these people around her seem so....needy and overemotional.  

I'm happy to see Amber getting herself on track, but Sammy feels too serious for her right now.  

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I have never enjoyed someone getting hung up on mid sentence more than I did Destinee.  That was the click heard 'round the world.  

Shawn is so fucking stupid, he feels worse for Destinee than he did for his own abandoned children.   His kids need to never open their hearts to him again, because he will do this shit over and over and over.  

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Shavel so mad about Quaylon did to her.  Not a word about M'Elia.  She is still letting him call this stranger daddy.  JFC.  

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Scott is still single ladies.......

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15 hours ago, sempervivum said:

I was actually taken in by the 'Murgh proposes' scene, but I let out a yelp of laughter when the chyron revealed that he left right afterward and got back with Maria. I'm sure he'll claim next season/whenever/you know they'll be back that he left because Cabbage Patch didn't immediately accept with squeals of joy.

Shovel can afford a Land Rover, but she buys her clothes from Rainbow and her hair from the Dollar Store.

The new crew coming up in June (?) looks really rough, but don't they always?           

 

Her hair is so tragic.  

But nothing is more tragic than those fashions.  

I can't believe she walked all over the streets publicly fighting with a man in that disco bellbottom jumpsuit.  

Also, was that a NEW TRUCK she bought Quaylon?  Girl!

Anyways, I'm sure Quaylon is back to talking to Shavel because his momma wouldn't agree to increase his allowance.  

I had a feeling from that dinner at Quaylon's sister's house that Quaylon is just ungrateful.  His sister pointed out that she had to work to send him money and he didn't care because you "can't buy him"

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13 hours ago, Adeejay said:

I find Andrea exhausting; I can't imagine having to live with her.

If you were to look up, "has a lot of nerves" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Destinie next to it. 

I hope John put Lacey in his rear mirror. 

I would bet good money that Shovel and Quaylon are still doing the on and off tango. 

I was shocked to learn that Lindsey is now serving six to ten years.  Which means that she would have been gone all of Miley Grace's formative years.  I have a feeling they won't have much of a relationship.

With the exception of Shawn, all the stories appear to have ended.  So, hopefully we've seen the last of these people. 

I wonder if Destinee has a whole rolodex of men that she has fucked over.  She waits until she is in prison and calls every one of them to see who will actually answer her call.  

Sucker ass Shawn really seemed disappointed that she didn't just want to talk to him.   That fool is really going to end up in a tub of ice somewhere missing a kidney, he is that stupid.  

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15 hours ago, SlutAssBitchAssHor said:

How dare Quaylon do this after Shavel has gaven her alllllll 

She keeps using that phrase, and I want to know what exactly she means by it.  We know she spent a lot of money on him, but that doesn't sound like what "gave you my all" consists of.  She might be talking about anal sex, but in a polite way.

 

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3 hours ago, RealReality said:

I'm honestly sad that rehab didn't work out for Cindy, I hope something does work out for her but I never want to see her on my TV again.  Her story is too heartbreaking and yes, she is a shit mother who did shit things and should be dragged for being shit....but she is still a human person who had her own shitty life and is suffering.  I also do not want to see brittney and marcelino on my TV again.  Please just be done with these people.  

Me too.  I'm struck, though, with how ugly her story is, something I've never seen on one of these shows.  It was cruel and wrong to use her as she was used, mainly to give Brittany something to talk about, but as long as she was going to be used, I'm glad TLC did nothing to make her story more palatable.  Most of the time I've seen this kind of addiction portrayed on reality shows--and even in scripted dramas--there's been an effort to clean up the squalor of the addict's life.  Cindy was in a situation no one would ever want to be in.  It was hard enough watching her.  The closest I've seen to the real horror and ugliness of addiction is in "Sid and Nancy."

Brittany's disregard for her mother's feelings really stood out for me in the scene where the family is all together outside at night, having a good time, and there is Cindy, all by herself, watching.  Brittany put her in that position; why the hell couldn't she have gone and at least stood with her mother?

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5 hours ago, Mothra said:

Me too.  I'm struck, though, with how ugly her story is, something I've never seen on one of these shows.  It was cruel and wrong to use her as she was used, mainly to give Brittany something to talk about, but as long as she was going to be used, I'm glad TLC did nothing to make her story more palatable.  Most of the time I've seen this kind of addiction portrayed on reality shows--and even in scripted dramas--there's been an effort to clean up the squalor of the addict's life.  Cindy was in a situation no one would ever want to be in.  It was hard enough watching her.  The closest I've seen to the real horror and ugliness of addiction is in "Sid and Nancy."

Brittany's disregard for her mother's feelings really stood out for me in the scene where the family is all together outside at night, having a good time, and there is Cindy, all by herself, watching.  Brittany put her in that position; why the hell couldn't she have gone and at least stood with her mother?

I completely agree with every single word of this post 100%.  It could not have been put more eloquently.  

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2 hours ago, sempervivum said:

I'm pretty sure I heard Shawn say that he had his $50K back.

He just couldn't help but mention that 50k one last time.  

He will probably do the same thing for the new girl.  

It was pretty hilarious to watch him try to insist that he was the one playing destinee all along because he had this other girl the whole time.  He must have bought a clue about what a floormat and asshole he was going to look like and struggled to find an inmate asap so he could use this made up story.  

I feel sorry for his kids - if he wants a redemption story it should be him using all his time and money to make things right with his kids.  Instead he thinks the right redemption story is him getting with yet another inmate to show that he is a desperate pushover and is desired be incarcerated women with nothing else to do but scam idiots like him. 

Edited by RealReality
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Oh, and yikes on Kristiana and John.  Talk about cold, hard truths.  She wants to make it work because John is her stable caregiver.  I betcha thats exactly what Bonnie said about Clyde.  What a romance.  

I'm starting to think that she isn't into any of this, but John was the best she could do to have a roof over her head that wasn't a halfway house.  Thats really a terrible position for both she and John.  Or maybe John chooses these women, because they are desperate with no other place to go.  

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Yep, I think old Shawn is a LOST CAUSE.  The sooner his kids can move on in life recognizing their father is an idiot, the better.

It was fun while it lasted, though! And the snark was life-affirming!

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13 hours ago, RealReality said:

I think Amber needs to get away from Sammy too.  Like all these people around her seem so....needy and overemotional.

Butbutbut, Amber is the air that Sammy breathes! She is the one who makes his life worth living and puts the wind in his sails. She completes him! She makes him a better man! <add your own cliche here>

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1 hour ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Butbutbut, Amber is the air that Sammy breathes! She is the one who makes his life worth living and puts the wind in his sails. She completes him! She makes him a better man! <add your own cliche here>

She’s the bun for his wiener! She’s the can for his pork! She’s the silver lining to his cloud of crack smoke! 

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17 hours ago, RealReality said:

LOL, all these bitches must have so much mail piled up in their mailbox.  

When is the last time Andrea brought someone groceries, last I remember she was taking "donations" for lemonade. 

 

Again, Andrea and her Gossip Girls for my win.

Ghanian Queen Andrea saying her Watts rooftop party represents her: elegance, luxurious vegan, spiritual.

Immediately, Gossip Girl pink eye shadow chimes in how they are concerned about her mode of dress without the garments and she can see how LA can change people.  Our Ghanian Birthday Queen flips the script on the Girls by asking when was the last time they gave a family in need groceries. Sister Pink gives the world’s current go to answer for failing to do something: COVID.

In the background, doing their best impression of Statler and Waldorf,  Tenneson and Nyla silently watch the grownups, while Tenneson slowly eats a cupcake. And the look on Lamar's face.

Ghanian Queen asks them, "do you have fear walking to your mailbox?". She says yes. Queen (and me too) is blown away that she said yes. They argue a bit and Girl pink says "I have fear walking to my mailbox . . . because I’m out of shape and it’s a F**** mile to my mailbox"

Then the apology and all is well on the roof and everyone sits own for a kumbaya celebration.

The script at the end said the Gossip Girls will also be going to Ghana with Andrea.

This was awesome!

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6 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Butbutbut, Amber is the air that Sammy breathes! She is the one who makes his life worth living and puts the wind in his sails. She completes him! She makes him a better man! <add your own cliche here>

The wind beneath his wings?

LOL, this guy has been out like an entire two weeks and I feel like Amber is going to end up at the bottom of a well, moisturizing herself with lotion he drops down in a bucket. 

Edited by RealReality
  • LOL 9
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4 hours ago, Gobi said:

She’s the bun for his wiener! She’s the can for his pork! She’s the silver lining to his cloud of crack smoke! 

That's the cloud of mutha fucking crack smoke!  

So sorry I missed the live chat.  Finally caught the finale.  What a season it was.  So much to snark.  I was deeply saddened that Quaylon walked away with a child sized backpack and not the wheeled suitcase of all sadness.  Shavel's screaming in the street in her skintight, multi-colored spandex almost made up for that.

Ah, Andrea, showing the graciousness and kindness that is meant to be the core of Mormonism yet again.  Jesus wept.  Or more likely rolled his eyes so hard they still hurt.  I have friends in Ghana.  I feel like I should warn them she's coming.     

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1 hour ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

That's the cloud of mutha fucking crack smoke!  

So sorry I missed the live chat.  Finally caught the finale.  What a season it was.  So much to snark.  I was deeply saddened that Quaylon walked away with a child sized backpack and not the wheeled suitcase of all sadness.  Shavel's screaming in the street in her skintight, multi-colored spandex almost made up for that.

     

The visual of Shavel walking the suburban sidewalks in her liberache disco bellbottomed Studio 54 spandex horror catsuit was EVERYTHING I never knew I needed in my life.  

What did he even put in that backpack, like some pudding snacks and a few fruit rollups?  

I'm confused by the truck in the driveway, it looked much newer than the one Shavel gifted him, but why was he sitting in the passenger seat?

 

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How dare that ungrateful shrew (Kristianne's mom) talk about Indian John that way? Oh, yeah, there's something about him, watch out for him, he's up to something, don't trust him! Shut up, mom. You don't mind him putting a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, feeding your fat ass, and also taking your drug addicted daughter in who wants to fuck him, too. He may be a weirdo but he has somewhat of a heart and he didn't fall for the sister's bait! 

On 3/15/2021 at 1:21 AM, RealReality said:

I'm confused by the truck in the driveway, it looked much newer than the one Shavel gifted him, but why was he sitting in the passenger seat?

Probably belonged to the camera crew or one of the producers. He was waiting to leave when they left but Shavel wasn't having any of that!

I agree with Sammy. Amber does have pretty feet. This is coming from someone that hates feet. 

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9 hours ago, Scout Finch said:

Lindsey and Destinie: "You'll rue the day you crossed me! I will destroy you! Your life will be nothing but smoldering ashes!"

Next scene: "This is a call from [correctional facility]."

Me: "BWAHAHAHA!"

And Destinee with all her sweet talk "Shawn, I need money, dude, you're so greedy, just send me some money"  Like flies to the honey Destinee. 

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12 hours ago, AZChristian said:

I thought they said that two of them died.

Ah! You must be right. I totally missed that.

I hope that story was real because, if not, fuck that. (Not that I'd wish child loss on anyone, I just don't trust these heifers-producers included.) 

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On 3/14/2021 at 1:56 AM, RealReality said:

When is the last time Andrea brought someone groceries, last I remember she was taking "donations" for lemonade. 

 

I'm pretty sure she "bought a poor family groceries" = letting Lamar's daughter eat food at that mess of a party

ETA: remembered Lamar's name

Edited by TakeAPinotGrigio
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(edited)

Ah, Shovel and Quaalude! Memmmmmm'ries!

This season was a lot of fun with all of the crazies. Just watching this episode, prepping for the NEW SEASON!

So excited. 

Edited by OoogleEyes
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