Family Karma - General Discussion

[Chatty Cake]

Monica would be better off with a nerdier guy. Like Anishas new man. These handsome mama boys like Brian and Risha aren’t ready for marriage. Monica’s dad was right to point out that not being invited to a wedding is telling. The guy wants to be in Vegas on his own. She should have dumped him months ago.

Nicholas and his hissy fits are getting old. He keeps claiming that Amrits mom is complaining but I don’t see her as complaining just stating some things. His parents are present they just don’t want to be on camera and he has an aunt that is willing to walk him down the aisle. He should be grateful for the family he does have and for the one that is accepting him into theirs. Instead he’s whining and acting like an asshole.

[Rahul]

I've been lurking and haven't posted all season, but I cannot contain myself after this last episode. I am shocked by what an absolute shit Nicholas has been lately. I was really put off by his behavior a few episodes ago when discussing the baby they don't even have's potential surname, and now this. I was absolutely aghast by the way Nicholas spoke to Amrit's parents regarding the impending nuptials.

Nicholas seems to be really daft and cannot understand that an Indian wedding is absolutely about two families coming together, and there are very specific and specialized roles for everyone. He is misdirecting his venom and vitriol for his own family being so unsupportive at the Kapais who have bank rolled this whole affair. How dare he?! The gall on this unemployed man is unreal. Absolutely disgusted. Amrit's parents have shown nothing but love and support for him. 

I think it's slowly dawning on Monica that Rishi has just been stringing her along--probably for camera time. That man is not interested in you and your good girl persona. He's off in Vegas doing who knows what with God knows whom. She's been made the fool on national television and the sooner she cuts and runs the better. I happen to believe Neerja's story about Rishi and his other girl(s). That whole Karamchandani family skeeves me out the way they played it post rumor.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Rahul

[amarante]

Even Amrit acknowledged that Nicholas is experiencing a lot of pain in terms of comparing his family's essential rejection of him versus Amrit's family - and indeed the larger Indian community of Aunties/Uncles embracing gay marriage even though gay marriages also is not part of their tradition.

Last season Amrit's grandmother was told and was able to feel glad that Amrit had found love and a life partner.

Nicholas' parents are truly awful. So they have grudging agreed to be at the wedding despite signaling that this is something they will do DESPITE their feeling it is morally wrong. However the rest of the family including his sister will not even attend the wedding to show their complete disapproval of gay marriages.

The only family member who is actually embracing the marriage and genuinely happy he has found love is an aunt who evidently ran away from wherever these horrible people are located to Chicago and leads a life in which gay is not grudgingly accepted.

All of this is playing out while these huge and exhausting event is being planned - and in front of cameras. Most people planning a wedding or other huge life change can have moments when they are snippy or otherwise having some type of emotional behavior driven by the stress and latent emotions being stirred up.

[EtheltoTillie]

36 minutes ago, amarante said:

All of this is playing out while these huge and exhausting event is being planned - and in front of cameras. Most people planning a wedding or other huge life change can have moments when they are snippy or otherwise having some type of emotional behavior driven by the stress and latent emotions being stirred up.

I still think Nicholas is something a little extra.  He seems to be the type of person around whom you must "walk on eggshells."  I have seen couples where one person is like that and it's exhausting to be around.  Never happy. 

Edited February 7, 2023 by EtheltoTillie

[sugarbaker design]

2 hours ago, Rahul said:

Nicholas seems to be really daft and cannot understand that an Indian wedding is absolutely about two families coming together, and there are very specific and specialized roles for everyone.

But is it really an Indian wedding when one half of the same-sex couple isn't Indian and the setting is Atlanta?

I'm sympathetic to Nicholas and his issues with his asshole family, but if you want your in-laws to butt out of the wedding planning, then pay for the wedding yourself.  He who pays the piper gets to gripe about the Western-Eastern gay wedding in Atlanta.

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by sugarbaker design

[Rahul]

12 minutes ago, sugarbaker design said:

But is it really an Indian wedding when one half of the same-sex couple isn't Indian and the setting is Atlanta?

Yes, absolutely. The proof will be in the upcoming episode, but I believe they are still having an Indian wedding with perhaps a few traditional ceremonies omitted and one or two "American" rituals like the vow exchange which Nicholas wanted. 

The ghari pooja is actually an important ritual in Sindhi weddings. (My mom is Sindhi, my dad is not but they had a combined one that my mom's family hosted). However, because it is performed separately in the parental homes of both the bride and groom, the Kapais could have still had it if they wanted to.

Some more info for those interested:

Quote

 

The Ghari Puja used to be an announcement of the official start of wedding festivities.

Fresh water would be brought and a lot of noise was created to inform the villagers of the forthcoming wedding. The water and the noise was also meant to ward off evil spirits and also to declare that if anyone had any objections to the union they should speak now or forever hold their peace.  That day the parents would get more importance as the relatives garland the couple.

https://shakunkimatrai.com/ghari-puja/

 

Quote

Ghari Puja

This is the final and most important religious custom that is performed on the eve of the wedding day. Ghari Puja is carried out in the respective homes of the couple. The priest performs the prayers with rice, coconut, wheat grains, oil, betel nuts, turmeric and a number of other spices. Married ladies grind wheat on a small old fashioned grinder symbolising that the home will always be prosperous. The groom offers a handful of grains to the priest indicating that although he is changing his lifestyle, he will always give to charity and look after those less fortunate than himself.

The mothers of both the bride and groom dress up in their bridal finery. Carrying an earthen pot of water on their heads, they walk to the threshold of their homes. The son-in-law of the respective families cut the water with a knife to ward off any evil spirits. The parents are adorned with garlands of flowers and money by their friends and relatives. The bride and groom wear old clothes that are torn off by their friends and family members amidst merriment, illustrating the end of their old life.

http://jhulelal.com/shadhi.html

 

[sugarbaker design]

1 minute ago, Rahul said:

The ghari pooja is actually an important ritual in Sindhi weddings. (My mom is Sindhi, my dad is not but they had a combined one that my mom's family hosted). However, because it is performed separately in the parental homes of both the bride and groom, the Kapais could have still had it if they wanted to.

But not that important to Amrit and Nick, apparently.

[pasdetrois]

1 hour ago, sugarbaker design said:

But not that important to Amrit and Nick, apparently.

Yeah, all this talk about it: why not just do it or something similar, off-camera. If Nicholas' parents don't participate, you can still launch the festivities without them. The wedding party is already making compromises; this would be another.

While understanding Nicholas' frustrations, I found his behavior in that restaurant appalling. No excuses. I see a pattern of simmering resentment against the world waiting for an excuse to complain or have temper tantrums.

I'm surprised Amrit wants to get married. If they can't produce biological children, and Nicholas is a petulant unemployed albatross, why bother? They can live together. I think Anisha is right about this relationship. Maybe they are just another couple that wants a lavish wedding on TV. I've had that impression for a while now.

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by pasdetrois

[sugarbaker design]

1 minute ago, pasdetrois said:

I'm surprised Amrit wants to get married.

After watching Amrit

• steamroll Nicholas about the last name of the baby.
• spread rumors about Monica's boyfriend.
• refuse to even ask his parents to stop complaining about the wedding.

I've come to the conclusion that Amrit is no prize either.

[Rahul]

2 hours ago, pasdetrois said:

While understanding Nicholas' frustrations, I found his behavior in that restaurant appalling. No excuses. I see a pattern of simmering resentment against the world waiting for an excuse to complain or have temper tantrums.

I'm surprised Amrit wants to get married. If they can't produce biological children, and Nicholas is a petulant unemployed albatross, why bother? They can live together. I think Anisha is right about this relationship. Maybe they are just another couple that wants a lavish wedding on TV. I've had that impression for a while now.

 

I'm also very surprised Amrit wanted to go through with the proposal and wedding, given that in season one he was very much questioning his relationship and openly admitted to having a wandering eye and wanting to experience being with others. Am I the only one who remembers this?

It seems Amrit may have very much been steered into a proposal and subsequent wedding in service of a storyline for the show. Watching the way Nicholas and Amrit have been interacting recently I think the chances of them staying together are very slim.

[sugarbaker design]

58 minutes ago, Rahul said:

I'm also very surprised Amrit wanted to go through with the proposal and wedding, given that in season one he was very much questioning his relationship and openly admitted to having a wandering eye and wanting to experience being with others. Am I the only one who remembers this?

I remember it, but those things (experience with others and getting married) aren't mutually exclusive. Has it been established that A & N are monogamous and intend to be/stay monogamous after the wedding?

Edited February 7, 2023 by sugarbaker design

[bichonblitz]

I have to laugh when I think of Amrit and Nicholas wanting a destination wedding in ATLANTA when they live in Miami and can have a wedding in many beautiful places around the city. Does every wedding have to be a destination even if it's a shithole like Atlanta? 

6 hours ago, Rahul said:

The ghari pooja is actually an important ritual in Sindhi weddings. (My mom is Sindhi, my dad is not but they had a combined one that my mom's family hosted). However, because it is performed separately in the parental homes of both the bride and groom, the Kapais could have still had it if they wanted to.

Why in heck would Nick not agree to this tradition? Has he taken the time to understand why it's important to Amrit's family? I don't believe he's been thinking that far or maybe he's so stubborn to get his own way he doesn't want to hear another point of view.  

[EtheltoTillie]

Yeah, why Atlanta? Reminds me of the old Calvin Klein Jeans commercial starring Andie McDowell: "Someday, someday, we're going to see Atlanta."

 

[sugarbaker design]

I believe Atlanta is the midpoint between Amrit's and Nick's respective families.

[Iguessnot]

1 hour ago, EtheltoTillie said:

Yeah, why Atlanta? Reminds me of the old Calvin Klein Jeans commercial starring Andie McDowell: "Someday, someday, we're going to see Atlanta."

 

Is that for real? Looks like the perfect SNL sketch.

[Ms.Lulu]

10 hours ago, sugarbaker design said:

But is it really an Indian wedding when one half of the same-sex couple isn't Indian and the setting is Atlanta?

I'm sympathetic to Nicholas and his issues with his asshole family, but if you want your in-laws to butt out of the wedding planning, then pay for the wedding yourself.  He who pays the piper gets to gripe about the Western-Eastern gay wedding in Atlanta.

 

I think they are paying a small portion of it, but I think that BravoTv is paying most of the wedding.

[sandwoman]

Amrit's mom is so sweet and while I know Nicholas has his reasons and his issues, I really really disliked how he lost his patience with her. Complain to Amrit when you're alone but keep your mouth shut around the parents! (Amrit's dad also seems so kind and sweet!) The culture clash is not going to go away. And they're right that he's taking his (yes, legit and understandable) issues out on them.  

[EtheltoTillie]

12 hours ago, Iguessnot said:

Is that for real? Looks like the perfect SNL sketch.

Yes, this was a real commercial back then, of course really tongue in cheek.  It does play like an SNL parody.

[BravoAddict72]

20 hours ago, sugarbaker design said:

After watching Amrit

• steamroll Nicholas about the last name of the baby.
• spread rumors about Monica's boyfriend.
• refuse to even ask his parents to stop complaining about the wedding.

I've come to the conclusion that Amrit is no prize either.

I didn't see it as trying to steamroll Nicholas about the last name of the baby. I see Armit's point there. His parents are open and welcoming to them and I can see them being great grandparents. I don't think his parents will be involved at all considering the way they act now. Why shouldn't the children have Armit's last name? Have Nicholas pick the first name.

 

I really don't see his parents as complaining. /they are bringing up what people said to them. If I was Armit I would be annoyed. His parents are accepting of their relationship and love and support them. They are helping with the wedding. Nicholas' parents are the exact opposite and yet that is all he wants to talk about.  I don't see why they couldn't do some of the things from their culture for them.

[izabella]

On 2/7/2023 at 10:09 AM, sugarbaker design said:

But is it really an Indian wedding when one half of the same-sex couple isn't Indian and the setting is Atlanta?

I'm sympathetic to Nicholas and his issues with his asshole family, but if you want your in-laws to butt out of the wedding planning, then pay for the wedding yourself.  He who pays the piper gets to gripe about the Western-Eastern gay wedding in Atlanta.

I wonder how much choice Nicholas had about that.  Maybe he would have preferred that he and Amrit pay for it themselves, with a much smaller wedding that didn't require everything that a big fat Indian wedding does.  I'm guessing it wouldn't have gone over well with Amrit's family and friends.  This is the wedding they expect and want. 

[amarante]

4 minutes ago, izabella said:

I wonder how much choice Nicholas had about that.  Maybe he would have preferred that he and Amrit pay for it themselves, with a much smaller wedding that didn't require everything that a big fat Indian wedding does.  I'm guessing it wouldn't have gone over well with Amrit's family and friends.  This is the wedding they expect and want. 

I don't mean to make generalized gender statements especially with a gay wedding but I do think in terms of wedding preferences Nicholas is analogous to the bridegroom in a heterosexual wedding.

Amrit's mother said that Amrit ALWAYS wanted the large Indian wedding. Even as a child he was fascinated by it and so I think this wedding was as much about his fantasy wedding as much as his parents wanting the large wedding.

Left to his own devices, I do think Nicholas might have either eloped or had a much smaller wedding in which there were elements of both cultures but not a three day Bollywood extravaganza.

And I do reiterate that I also think that viewing the acceptance by Amrit's family has got to be painful when contrasted with his family. His parents are showing up grudgingly but don't really want to acknowledge they have a gay son. His sister isn't even willing to show up because she is against the marriage completely. This is just in his face even though he can ignore it for the most part since the contrast isn't so blatantly in his face.

[becauseIsaidso]

At first I liked Amrit's mom, but her continual whining about how her friends/relatives are so disappointed about the things that are not being  included in the ceremony/party is sounding very passive-aggressive to me. How would she like it if Nicholas demanded a completely secular western culture style wedding, pared down to the officiant, a small guest list, and a reception consisting of a meal, some toasts and a small band or DJ and none of the Indian trimmings? I used to think Nicholas was the needy one, but Amrit's blindness or disregard for how things impact Nicholas makes me think he's the selfish one.

Anisha is as bad as ever. I still don't buy that she couldn't have her 'fashion show" in Arizona - what she couldn't have in Arizona was the television exposure. Don't care that her BF doesn't want to be on camera or have his personal info spread all over social media, but she needs to decide on her priorities.

I wasn't such a fan of Richa and Vishal, but they are growing on me. Whatever it is they have, it seems to be working for them. I'm even liking Lopa more now - the backstory about the other daughter and the rift in the family gave me some insight into what she may be feeling - and lately she has seemed more accepting of Vishal - maybe because he acknowledged his drinking problem and acted on it? Maybe she doesn't see him as so much of an idiot now?  I used to like Vishal's mom, but lately she's either an arrogant bitch or did something to be getting the crappiest edit on the show. Or does it have to do with that entitled little snot-nose of a previous season running his mouth about Vishal's sexuality?

Monica needs to get a clue and stop being such a cling-on about a guy who clearly isn't committed. I was confused about his motives until I saw a bit of his bio and realized he's in it for the exposure. I kinda like her dad, and do get the same gay vibe as others have written about, but if accurate, I can understand him keeping that out of the show.

The more I see of Bali,the less I like her. The first couple of times I saw her this season I didn't recognize her. If she's some sort of executive, why can't she afford her own apartment? I think her only reason for avoiding the move to Louisville was to stay on the show. She's even less engaging than Anisha - and that's going some.

What kind of an idiot (guess that includes Richa and Vishal as well) moves into a new home without any furniture? Brain seems desperately in need of a storyline.

 

 

[Sheenieb]

4 hours ago, becauseIsaidso said:

The more I see of Bali,the less I like her. The first couple of times I saw her this season I didn't recognize her. If she's some sort of executive, why can't she afford her own apartment? I think her only reason for avoiding the move to Louisville was to stay on the show. She's even less engaging than Anisha - and that's going some.

What kind of an idiot (guess that includes Richa and Vishal as well) moves into a new home without any furniture? Brain seems desperately in need of a storyline.

Agreed. Bali is just there. She doesn't want to lose the income from the show, so that's why she's hanging around. She has no storyline. I don't think she's an executive anything. Maybe she helps her mother sometimes, but that's clearly just a title. I wouldn't be surprised if Bali's never worked a day in her adult life.

 I get that it takes a while to decorate, put things together, and make a house feel like home, but at least get the basics. Buy a bed and a couch.

Brian is so childish that Dr. Monica must count her blessings daily that their relationship didn't work out.

It was tough seeing Monica cry when Raj was giving her real talk about Rishi. While I do think that Monica knows they're not aligned on marriage and should walk, I'm not letting Rishi skate. He should feel empowered as well to tell Monica that he doesn't want to get married. Instead he's gassing her head up and being cruel. 

Oof, Nicholas did not come across well at all in this episode. Amrit's right that Nicholas is taking his anger and disappointment at his family out on Amrit's parents. I hope he apologized and explained that Lavina bringing up customs is bothering him because it makes him feel like he's not enough. 

[politichick]

I just finished watching and want to slap Nicholas in his whiny face. I totally get why he's feeling what he's feeling, but he was soooooo rude to Amrit's mother, I literally gasped! And based on the previews, he's going to do it again next week.

I understand why he's annoyed each time the mum brings up left-out ceremonies, but she's an older, traditional Indian woman who means absolutely no harm at all. As the mum noted, this gay alliance was difficult for them in the beginning, but they have thoroughly embraced the partnership/marriage and accepted and treat Nicolas as a real and loved member of the family. He is just being a bitch and I have never understood what Amrit sees in him. Yikes!

Also, Nicholas has spent enough time with Amrit's family and all of the others to know how this culture works. And what the hell does he do all day? Dude needs something else to fill his time and head.

It's okay to vent with Amrit, but not to the parents who've been so kind and welcoming.

Can you tell I don't like Nicholas? lol

And, if I were Anisha I'd choose Miami over Anywhere, Arizona for my fashion show every single day. That state is hardly known for fashion.

I kind of like Brian but so hope he grows up soon. He needs a Lopa or whatever Vishal's mother's name is in his life to whip him into shape.

Monica: Forget his name, forget his face, forget his kisses and fake embrace!

 

[sandwoman]

Ah! I just watched the next episode preview (up on Bravo's website) and

Spoiler

Nicholas is like the king of projecting his own issues on others. It's so hard to watch. He truly can't see how he's getting in his own head and his problems with Amrit's mom is about his own parents and how he was brought up to feel shame and feel other. It's sad, but also annoying to watch! OY

Also

Spoiler

Lopa is surprised and confused that Risha and Vishal are staying their own room?! Another one who needs therapy! 

 

[Ms.Lulu]

I understand Nicholas' frustration. 

Amrit's mother, whether on purpose or by accident, shared last year her lack of enthusiasm that Amrit wasn't engaged to a woman. She was concerned about how the community would judge her.

She is expressing the same thing when she says that the grandmother or the community would ask why the parents weren't celebrated during the wedding weekend.

Her son is marrying a white, gay male. And the partner her son chose grew up in a religious, southern family where Nicholas wasn't accepted for who he is.

It was important for them to resolve this before the marriage--all four of them. So I was good with this conversation.

 

[hottesthw]

Run Amrit run!  I predict divorce in 3..2..1..

That dude’s a dick. Wow. 

[becauseIsaidso]

I was somewhat impressed with the conversation between Amrit/Nicholas and Amrit's parents. It was painful to watch how desperate NIcholas is to get through to Amrit's mom. I just don't think he has the ability to stop beating the subject to death. As for Amrit's mom, she either has no insight into how unintentionally yet deeply hurtful some of her comments are, or completely lacks the ability to filter what she says. Nicholas is just too needy and I doubt he will ever be able to let it rest.

[EtheltoTillie]

What’s the story with Nicholas’s aunt, the one who supports him. I wonder why she stands apart from the family. 

[bichonblitz]

I felt sorry for Amrit during the parents and Nicholas confrontation. He kept his mouth shut but you could see the hurt on his face watching his mother cry and apologize and his father say they could forget the whole thing if it would make them happy. Nicholas is a real asshole and wasn't going to be happy until he had Amrits parents practically groveling on their knees for forgiveness. It's your wedding day! Let it go and move on with the festivities, no need to continue to berate the in-laws. Dude has a serious mean streak and won't let up until he has made his point over and over again. 

[howiveaddict]

8 hours ago, EtheltoTillie said:

What’s the story with Nicholas’s aunt, the one who supports him. I wonder why she stands apart from the family. 

Because she isn't a religious bigot and she supports her nephew and loves him and accepts him just as he is.  Sounds like a great aunt to have.  

[amarante]

8 hours ago, EtheltoTillie said:

What’s the story with Nicholas’s aunt, the one who supports him. I wonder why she stands apart from the family. 

She fled to Chicago and essentially disavowed the bigots of her family when she left whatever Bigot City they live in.

He had mentioned that she was a huge support to him and I assume that he came out to her before anyone else in the family. I suspect that she knew he was gay before he did since I can't imagine her friend circle in Chicago didn't include a significant number of gays.

[Chatty Cake]

Nicholas was disrespectful when Amrits parents started to talk. Rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Amrit should have kicked his ungrateful ass out of the fancy hotel room. I was hoping when the dad said they could call it off that Amrit would take him up on it. Amrits mom was in tears while this ingrate lives off her son and doesn’t do shit except complain and whine.

[pasdetrois]

18 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

Nicholas is a real asshole and wasn't going to be happy until he had Amrits parents practically groveling on their knees for forgiveness.

If he's so concerned about cultural differences, why did he go through with a marriage?

His insistence on repeating his complaints over and over, while on camera during a very stressful event - and rolling his eyes at an elder ONCE AGAIN on camera - is disturbing. His hurt feelings and concerns in no way justify this infantile behavior.

[bichonblitz]

I can guarantee that now the wedding drama is over Nicholas will find something else to be unhappy about. 

[EtheltoTillie]

Nicholas continues to rub everyone here the wrong way!

[sugarbaker design]

26 minutes ago, EtheltoTillie said:

Nicholas continues to rub everyone here the wrong way!

Not me!

I was glad that Amrit finally grew a pair of balls and talked to his parents, along with Nicholas, about what was said.  Just because Lavina feels like it isn't a real wedding, it doesn't mean she has to say it to both of the grooms.  A little discretion goes a long way.

It was nice to see Nicholas had other family members present who seemed happy to be there, besides his favorite aunt and his asshole parents.

Aunties dance, uncles dance, friends' dance!  I am loving these weddings.

[Rahul]

Nicholas was dead wrong to behave the way he did with Lavina Aunty. As I knew all along, he entirely misconstrued what she was saying about the event not feeling like a wedding because of how at ease she felt. Nicholas views everything from a very skewed lens of insecurity and inadequacy.

Nicholas has no right to police Lavina's thoughts and feelings the way he did. She merely was working through her feelings about what it would be like to have a gay marriage in the Indian community where most priests won't perform the ceremony or any traditional rites. That scene with her talking to Uncle Suresh in the car processing her feelings was one of the best and realest moments in reality TV history, right up there with Amrit coming out to his Nani. 

I'm glad Lavina Aunty was able to cry and have a cathartic moment to express that she didn't want to start off on the wrong foot with Nicholas. She cannot be walking on eggshells and measuring her words in every conversation she has with him. She should be free to express herself without fear of censure or backlash. Nevertheless, as Amrit astutely pointed out, this couple has much bigger issues. Nicholas has deep insecurities regarding his family and identity as a gay man and I see him at odds with Amrit for the duration of their marriage.

As I said before, Nicholas' anger is misdirected at the Kapais who have been warm and welcoming to him from the very beginning. His real issue is with his overly religious evangelical Christian parents who are begrudgingly coming to this wedding but have never fully accepted him for who he is, yet he dare not express his disappointment and hurt at them. I've read read elsewhere that Nicholas is emotionally intelligent, but I beg to differ since he clearly cannot see he is taking out his frustration on the wrong people. He handles his parents with kid gloves and lashes out at Amrit's parents who have bankrolled his wedding. (How much is he contributing financially anyway?)  

Edited February 22, 2023 by Rahul

[sandwoman]

9 hours ago, Rahul said:

As I said before, Nicholas' anger is misdirected at the Kapais who have been warm and welcoming to him from the very beginning. His real issue is with his overly religious evangelical Christian parents who are begrudgingly coming to this wedding but have never fully accepted him for who he is, yet he dare not express his disappointment and hurt at them. I've read read elsewhere that Nicholas is emotionally intelligent, but I beg to differ since he clearly cannot see he is taking out his frustration on the wrong people.

YES. It's hard and I feel for him but he can't/won't see how he's lashing out at the wrong people. I heard a podcast interview with him and Amrit, recorded before the most recent episode (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/family-karma-kast/id1501619461) and he's very defensive of his parents. He cannot criticize them. Which fine, but... they're who he needs to scold and remind "this is a real wedding." Nicholas was brought up in an environment where he believed being gay was Wrong and he still sees that everywhere. That's very sad and obviously painful BUT that has nothing to do with Amrit's parents! I think he resents that they are so accepting and his parents aren't. I was very impressed with how Suresh in particular handled the conversation and how Lavina said she doesn't want to walk on eggshells around him. It felt like they hadn't ever actually talked about the car scene and Nicholas had been stewing on that for a while. If so, good for it to be addressed before the wedding! But... sigh. It was exhausting and frustrating to watch. Suresh and Lavina really do love him and I think they sense that he was misdirecting his anger and were sensitive to it. But I felt very annoyed on their behalf! 

[sugarbaker design]

This is a sticky situation.  Lavina and Suresh have been nothing but loving towards Nicholas.  Nicholas is lucky to have them.  That being said, this is a complex situation with heightened emotions during a wedding celebration, certainly a very stressful time.  I agree with many posts that if Nick wanted his wedding a certain way, then don't ask your future father and mother-in-law to foot half the bill.    

On 2/22/2023 at 7:16 AM, Rahul said:

Nicholas has no right to police Lavina's thoughts and feelings the way he did.

He didn't police her feeling and thoughts, he policed her words, that she directed towards him.  She said the wedding didn't feel like a real wedding.  If she said it only to Suresh in their bedroom, it wouldn't be a big deal.  She said it to the grooms, that was a faux pas.

On 2/22/2023 at 7:16 AM, Rahul said:

She should be free to express herself without fear of censure or backlash.

Sorry, no one has that luxury.  Everyone has to take other people's feelings into account, especially family members.  Discretion is a virtue.

 

On 2/22/2023 at 7:16 AM, Rahul said:

(How much is he contributing financially anyway?)  

Nick and Amrit are a couple, they decided it was best for Nick to quit his job, plan the wedding, and then focus on starting on a family.  To say Nick has no say in his own wedding (or his kid's last name) because he's not the primary breadwinner in his family is real shitty.

 

On 2/22/2023 at 7:16 AM, Rahul said:

Nicholas has deep insecurities regarding his family and identity as a gay man

Welcome to gay life in 2023!  Thank you churches and government!  That's a fairly common issue with LGBTQ+ life, myself included.

On 2/22/2023 at 7:16 AM, Rahul said:

He handles his parents with kid gloves and lashes

Nick's interactions with his parents, besides brief one-sided phone calls, are not recorded.  We don't know if he treats his parents with kid gloves or not.

Edited February 23, 2023 by sugarbaker design

[Rahul]

 

15 hours ago, sugarbaker design said:

He didn't police her feeling and thoughts, he policed her words, that she directed towards him.  She said the wedding didn't feel like a real wedding.  If she said it only to Suresh in their bedroom, it wouldn't be a big deal.  She said it to the grooms, that was a faux pas.

Words are the verbal expression of one's emotions, and in doing so, Nicholas was essentially telling Lavina Aunty she really didn't have a right to feel the way she did. I felt that was not only insensitive and extremely self-absorbed of him, but inappropriate and rude. He kept rolling his eyes and shaking his head whenever Suresh and Lavina spoke, showing his unwillingness to really hear another point of view other than his own.

Nicholas was dismissive of the parents feelings regarding the ghari pooja and was quick to it down ("I'm over this conversation" / "It's not the parents wedding--the parents had a wedding. This is our wedding!"). He was also very judgmental of Lavina Aunty for working through her inevitably complicated feelings about inviting friends and family to bare witness to her son's gay wedding on national television.

 

15 hours ago, sugarbaker design said:

Sorry, no one has that luxury.  Everyone has to take other people's feelings into account, especially family members.  Discretion is a virtue.

I agree that people should be considerate of others' feelings, but Lavina told Nicholas she did not want to have to walk on eggshells around him or carefully weigh and measure her words in order not to trigger him. That is very relatable; nobody wants to have to constantly tiptoe around close family members, whether be it by blood or in-laws, for fear of triggering them and a subsequent outburst.

Up until that point, I think she felt fairly comfortable around him and was often the one to console Nicholas when he was upset or down. She's been a nurturing mother figure to him and she did not want to start off their official relationship and mother and son-in-law on a strained and sour note. 

 

15 hours ago, sugarbaker design said:

Nick and Amrit are a couple, they decided it was best for Nick to quit his job, plan the wedding, and then focus on starting on a family.  To say Nick has no say in his own wedding (or his kid's last name) because he's not the primary breadwinner in his family is real shitty.

When did I ever say that Nicholas should have no say in any of these matters? I think you've really misconstrued my post.

 

15 hours ago, sugarbaker design said:

Nick's interactions with his parents, besides brief one-sided phone calls, are not recorded.  We don't know if he treats his parents with kid gloves or not.

Fair enough, but viewers are privy to what he says about his parents in  confessionals, interviews and in conversation. He is highly defensive and is making constant excuses for their behavior. Even in his with his hotel room chat with Amrit's parents, Nicholas says "I'm sorry my parents are not on board with this wedding on the same level that you are." sandwoman posted a link just upthread that serves as a further example.

I feel like Nicholas was having a cathartic conversation about his feelings with Lavina Aunty and Suresh Uncle, but that interaction should have really been directed at his own parents, even if it had to be off camera. They are the ones that have not validated him or his relationship, and his insecurity stems from that.

Edited February 24, 2023 by Rahul

[Rahul]

On another note, I'm so glad Suresh Uncle spoke up. He defended his wife's right to feel her emotions and handled Nicholas like a boss. Nicholas has been playing the victim for the past few episodes and has really rubbed me the wrong way with his uppity attitude, entitlement and lack of empathy for anyone else.

As Uncle Suresh pointed out, Nicholas was well aware of what an Indian wedding entailed when he agreed to it. Kudos to him to telling the couple he was willing to cancel the entire affair in lieu of a simple ceremony if that was what Amrit and Nicholas desired. Notice that was not what Nicholas wanted. This very much proved that the Kapais are in fact putting the couples wishes ahead of everything else, and the wedding is not about giving the elders a second wedding, as Nicholas had insolently accused them of in the prior episode. Even Lavina Aunty said she would have almost preferred attending as a guest because it would have been a lot less stressful.

[ZettaK]

On 2/19/2023 at 9:20 PM, Ms.Lulu said:

I understand Nicholas' frustration. 

Amrit's mother, whether on purpose or by accident, shared last year her lack of enthusiasm that Amrit wasn't engaged to a woman. She was concerned about how the community would judge her.

She is expressing the same thing when she says that the grandmother or the community would ask why the parents weren't celebrated during the wedding weekend.

Her son is marrying a white, gay male. And the partner her son chose grew up in a religious, southern family where Nicholas wasn't accepted for who he is.

It was important for them to resolve this before the marriage--all four of them. So I was good with this conversation.

 

His family lives in a small town in rural Michigan.

[Ms.Lulu]

6 hours ago, ZettaK said:

His family lives in a small town in rural Michigan.

Thanks, I have updated it. 

###

I understand Nicholas' frustration. 

Amrit's mother, whether on purpose or by accident, shared last year her lack of enthusiasm that Amrit wasn't engaged to a woman. She was concerned about how the community would judge her.

She is expressing the same thing when she says that the grandmother or the community would ask why the parents weren't celebrated during the wedding weekend.

Her son is marrying a white, gay male. And the partner her son chose grew up in a religious, midwestern family where Nicholas wasn't accepted for who he is.

It was important for them to resolve this before the marriage--all four of them. So I was good with this conversation.

[Rlb8031]

23 hours ago, sugarbaker design said:

He didn't police her feeling and thoughts, he policed her words, that she directed towards him.  She said the wedding didn't feel like a real wedding.  If she said it only to Suresh in their bedroom, it wouldn't be a big deal.  She said it to the grooms, that was a faux pas.

The problem with his policing of her words was that he read into her words an intent that was not there. He projected his insecurities onto what she said, built up a head of righteous indignation then exploded all over Amrit first and then Lavina and Suresh. The proper way to respond would have been to start with the question "what do you mean", allow her to explain then police if necessary.

[sugarbaker design]

17 minutes ago, Rlb8031 said:

The problem with his policing of her words was that he read into her words an intent that was not there. He projected his insecurities onto what she said, built up a head of righteous indignation then exploded all over Amrit first and then Lavina and Suresh. The proper way to respond would have been to start with the question "what do you mean", allow her to explain then police if necessary.

I'm not saying Nicholas acted properly, I know he didn't.  I was just saying he wasn't the only one.  It wasn't particularly sensitive of Lavina, who is normally a lovely woman, to tell the grooms, during the wedding weekend, "this doesn't feel like a wedding".  She should've kept that to herself.  That's all.

[Stats Queen]

It was a beautiful wedding ceremony. I hope they make it the long haul.

I want to go to a Hindu wedding, they seem amazing.

[EtheltoTillie]

I thought everything seemed a lot better at the end between Nicholas and Amrit.  And I watched WWHL afterward with Richa and Vishal and Nicholas and Amrit.  It was like watching completely different people! 

[sugarbaker design]

23 minutes ago, EtheltoTillie said:

I thought everything seemed a lot better at the end between Nicholas and Amrit.  And I watched WWHL afterward with Richa and Vishal and Nicholas and Amrit.  It was like watching completely different people! 

Weddings are stressful!  I agree, all four seemed really content, especially Nicholas, on WWHL.

[bichonblitz]

Please no more Indian weddings next season. I'm exhausted.