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S34.E09: The Royal Rumble

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Tensions between Jordan and Turbo erupt into a full-blown war; Theo and Paulie get into a heated confrontation where Paulie gives Theo a tongue-lashing; a slippery puzzle causes players to crash into one another.

Airs October 23, 2019.

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Jordan Wiseley. He has competed in four seasons, completed three, and won two. The one time he was bounced, it was because he wanted to step up to Johnny. If Jordan is on the winning side at the end of this season, I'd say he'll deserve a spot on the G.O.A.T. shortlist.

With all that said . . . did he watch WOTW1 at all? BMP decided to make that final mission challenging, and they were willing to accept a few deaths along the way. Completing the mission would secure Challenge cred. Turbo won, and he was a legend throughout most of the season. But according to Jordan, Turbo's single victory means little, especially since Jordan himself was not competing.

I want to like Jordan. I want to cut him some slack. And I think Turbo's a hothead whose ideal Proving Grounds battle would involve fighting with shovels. But at some point, Jordan has to stop wanking and stop being an asshole in general. I mean, he's more bearable than Cara Maria, Paulie, Ashley and Josh . . . but that is not saying much.

Fuck it, everyone gets a shovel. Just have them try to kill each other in the sand. I mean, that's what we'll wind up with inside of five seasons anyway. So much in-fighting, so many people sniping and acting like fools. It gets to a point where we need Leroy gaping at Rogan's swimsuit area as he gets out of the pool.

Fun mission, until you see that neither side completed it and the sudden death battle had half of the puzzle finished already. I think "Challenge Airlines" did that concept a lot better last season.

Ashley had to stir the pot with Jordan and Turbo. Hey, someone had to fill Johnny's shoes. She probably wanted to leave notes for people to find and get huffy over, but I don't think she's capable of writing.

Josh still sucks at life. He picks Natalie and Leroy for the Tribunal, and they go against his vote for Joss. Wherever he goes, the lights dim around him because he sucks that hard. He probably needed the entire box of Kleenex that night. Half the tissues for his tears, half for . . . other stuff.

Turbo needs to dial it down. I mean, I like him trying to get Jordan to shake on a possible Proving Grounds battle, but he's not coming off as awesomely as last season. "Pussy Chicken" will never get old, though, even if "pussy" and "chicken" were separated by a period. Still, I think he's more like Ferdinand the bull, with Jordan waving a cape in his face and poking him in the ass with a sword.

Speaking of Jordan . . . why not have him and Tori brawl with Cara Maria and Paulie? Because those two are horrible. Especially Paulie. I think he might have an inch or two on Derrick, but Derrick has shown WAY more humility. Theo just towered over him, and he still kept trying to start shit.

Oh, and Dee almost died. Well, she just got dehydrated. But it seemed like a lot longer ago, what with all the shit in this episode.

Edited by Lantern7
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Ashley calling others trash people.😅

Idris is professional boxer but doesn’t have endurance for long distance running?

He’d be tough at that running into each other in the hall thing.  But the elimination involved a puzzle and he was actually listening to the mob instead of trying to conceptualize it for himself.

Pauly and Cara alliance is too big now and Leroy threw his lot with them.

I thought Cara and Jordan won one together when they turned on Johnny or was it someone else?  I don’t recall any other interactions between them on previous seasons so I have no idea where their beef comes from.

The Jordan vs. Turbo thing was mostly nonsense but the best part of it, maybe the whole episode was:

”You cannot copy my walk!”

Hilarious!

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17 minutes ago, scrb said:

The Jordan vs. Turbo thing was mostly nonsense but the best part of it, maybe the whole episode was:

”You cannot copy my walk!”

Hilarious!

What makes it even more funny, is I honestly think that Trubo felt like that was the biggest insult of them all.  I mean saying he sucked at challenges did not even come close to the walk copying.

I think both Jordan and Paulie are all bark and no bite (Well I know Paulie is after watching him on Big Brother).  I think a lot of it has to do with deep insecurities.  Jordan's hand and Paulie being short.  Because of these insecurities they both feel the need to prove they are alpha males (I really hate that term, it might be one of the most overused terms in the English language.) and they both have to feel like they are in charge.

CT's comment on Turbo had me wondering who would win in a fight the Paris version of CT (Or even the version that beat up Adam all of those years ago) or Turbo.  That would be a very interesting thing to see.

This show is really starting to remind me more and more of a typical Big Brother season.  Insomuch that there is nobody to get behind because they are all highly unlikable.  Leroy, Kam, Georgia, Rogan, CT, and Dee are about the only ones I like.  There are some I have no real opinion of like Joss and the rest of them are just shit.

Why couldn't they have Jenna on this season?  Yeah it sucks that she's dating Zach, but she seems to be very nice and at least she's not annoying.

Forgot to add Turbo seems like a fictional character.  He is so over the top with his anger.  The funny thing is I am not sure any author could even dream up someone like him.

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47 minutes ago, scrb said:

I thought Cara and Jordan won one together when they turned on Johnny or was it someone else?  I don’t recall any other interactions between them on previous seasons so I have no idea where their beef comes from.

You're thinking of Jordan/Sarah (we'll mainly Sarah) on Exes 2, which led to Bananas/Sarah's paring on Rivals 3

Edited by Aaron4102

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6 hours ago, scrb said:

Ashley calling others trash people.😅

Idris is professional boxer but doesn’t have endurance for long distance running?

He’d be tough at that running into each other in the hall thing.  But the elimination involved a puzzle and he was actually listening to the mob instead of trying to conceptualize it for himself.

Pauly and Cara alliance is too big now and Leroy threw his lot with them.

I thought Cara and Jordan won one together when they turned on Johnny or was it someone else?  I don’t recall any other interactions between them on previous seasons so I have no idea where their beef comes from.

The Jordan vs. Turbo thing was mostly nonsense but the best part of it, maybe the whole episode was:

”You cannot copy my walk!”

Hilarious!

There is no deep analysis to the Cara vs Jordan beef. Jordan thinks he's king shit and Paulie/Cara think they are also queen/king shit. In their heads, there can only be them at the top running everything and that person is them. So, of course they will hate each other.

I didn't take Turbo saying you can't walk like literally. I took it as Turbo saying you can't be me. You can't walk in my shoes. You can't carry yourself like me but you wish you could.

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I thought it was so petty and juvenile for Jordan to mock Turbo's walk. I think that is why Turbo was upset - he was being mocked. But Ashley is such a trash bag for getting Turbo riled up. He seems to really take things to heart, and she used that at his expense to further her game. 

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Cara hasn't said a word this whole challenge.  She's letting Paulie do all the talking.  It's slightly pathetic.

Theo & Paulie's "fight" had me laughing so hard.  They looked like they were making out & I think Paulie even kissed Theo at one point! ❤️

I like how NO ONE is even mentioning CT's name in the deliberations.  His reputation has everyone little Brit scared.

Loved the comment at the Proving Ground when Josh said to Paulie "check my bank account is bigger than yours" because he won BB & Paulie got nothing!

Will some one PLEASE turncoat already!  I am tired of hearing TJ say it every week & no one does it.  Lets stir some sh*t up!

Edited by carrin817
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8 hours ago, scrb said:

”You cannot copy my walk!”

Sissy that walk!

I've said it before but Turbo reminds me of Steve Reeves from the old Hercules movies. 

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I forgot to mention the truly barf worthy moment when Cara said Tori and Jordan wanted to be her and Paulie.  Honey, nobody is jealous of that relationship.  He cheated getting into that relationship,  and he will cheat on his way out of it if he finds a companion that will net him more Instagram followers.  Tori and Jordan are insufferable,  but I'd rather hang out with them than Paulie.  

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Ashley legit made me laugh when she cracked up over saying security shouldn't keep true love apart (because seriously Paulie, how odd) and then she stirred the shit and ruined even that tiny bit of good will that that temporarily engendered.

I guess the only thing I enjoyed about the challenge was people on the outside trying to gauge what was happening only by the voices/yells they heard from inside.

To me Idris has one of the sweetest faces of anyone who's ever been on the Challenge (especially when he makes that worried/confused wrinkled eyebrow) and though I generally like current CT I didn't like his interpreting Idris' face as having a murderous 1000-yard stare.  But he did look funny peeking out from behind a cushion or whatever it was with a big-eyed Beanie cat(?) draped over his shoulder.  

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I like Jordan. He’s such an asshole, but he does back up all the talk. If he faces Turbo in an elimination I’ll be rooting for him. In fact, if he beats Turbo and then switches to the other team and follows through and wins, he’ll be in my top 3 challengers all-time. 
 

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Paul attempting to call Josh out as “Big Brother” is beyond rich because Paul didn’t come within a whit of the final on BB and Josh WON.  Well ok a different guy named Paul lost more than Josh won but still.  Jealous much, Paul?

God they all suck.

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9 hours ago, angelamh66 said:

I forgot to mention the truly barf worthy moment when Cara said Tori and Jordan wanted to be her and Paulie.  Honey, nobody is jealous of that relationship.  He cheated getting into that relationship,  and he will cheat on his way out of it if he finds a companion that will net him more Instagram followers.  Tori and Jordan are insufferable,  but I'd rather hang out with them than Paulie.  

He’s already cheated on her significantly, but she’s tried to take the shame out of it by saying it was an “open relationship,” so no cheating. Anyone who followed the drama last year knows it’s all a lie and she was hurt terribly by his double life.

Cara is such a baby.  All she does is in the actual show (not her bigshot interviews) is whine and stare confusedly at people.   Whine, whine, whine. “Why does everyone pick on meeeee? I’m so good at this game why doesn’t anyone seeeeeeee it?” When people talk game to her she looks like she’s trying to do complicated arithmetic in her head.  She clearly stopped maturing around age 15 and now she’s just stuck forever.

Does Jordan think he’s coming off well when he antagonizes people? I know he would say he doesn’t care how he comes off—but I think he really, really does. That said, he is the only person so far who has come up with a way to make this season’s twist possibly work in his favor. 

When Zach isn’t splashing people I quite enjoy him. He reminds us that they’re all idiots and ducks out of all the drama. 

Ashley’s plan was not well thought out. Her meddling could just as easily have led to Turbo getting kicked off since we already know he hits first and asks questions later. In a Jordan versus Turbo fight, I wouldn’t place my money on Jordan throwing the first punch. Alternately, it could just as easily have sent Turbo to team UK next opportunity he gets, at which point they’d be handing their enemies a big physical asset. And...I hate to say it, but sort of the same with Jordan. I also think Jordan is good at logistics, which is one of the reasons team UK is losing so much. Other than CT, none of them are very bright. Their task approach in all of these challenges is a huge part of the problem. Jordan going to team UK would really fill that gap.

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13 hours ago, mojoween said:

God they all suck.

This. Literally every single one.

Georgia's, "Kiss again!" with a huge smile during the Theo/Paulie 'fight' was fan-fucking-tastic.

The second best line was Ashley saying the first reason she told Turbo Jordan was talking about him was because, "I'm bored and I wanna see some drama."

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11 hours ago, Jillibean said:

Does Jordan think he’s coming off well when he antagonizes people? I know he would say he doesn’t care how he comes off—but I think he really, really does.

Jordan is a classic narcissist.  "I know Turbo won, but only because I wasn't there."  I know everyone tosses that word around these days, given The Orange One in the WH, but I dated one years ago and read a lot about the disorder post break-up.  Most narcissists lack self confidence, oddly enough. 

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1 hour ago, Wouldofshouldof said:

Jordan is a classic narcissist.  "I know Turbo won, but only because I wasn't there."  I know everyone tosses that word around these days, given The Orange One in the WH, but I dated one years ago and read a lot about the disorder post break-up.  Most narcissists lack self confidence, oddly enough. 

Only defense I could buy is if Jordan didn't see WOTW1. Given how much he and Tori love each other, maybe they were too busy writing songs and engaging in soft lovemaking. Otherwise, this is basically Johnny beefing with Frank during Battle Of The Seasons. Not a good look.

Revelation: maybe Turbo is the Turkish male version of Belou. All "YOU CANNOT COPY MY WALK!!!!" needed was "BISH!!!!" at the end.

Edited by Lantern7
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Still have a negative first impression of Jordan based on his RW season.

He got into it with the black girl, who's a horrible bitch.  But she accused him of racism or he said something pretty unforgivable.

I don't remember the particulars but just have this negative overall impression.

Of course his behavior on the Challenges haven't been exemplar either.

Tori seems to have some sense of humor about her but you wonder about her decisions.  Of course we don't know what they're really like away from the cameras but can he really refrain from being verbally abusive to her as he is with other people?

Seems like an inevitablity.

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I have never liked Jordan and I 100 percent agree with what CT said about him. He was talking all that crap about Turbo when Turbo wasn’t in the room and started mocking him once security was between them. He really is a chicken.

I don’t like the way he talks to women either. Say what you will about Cara, but she doesn’t need to prove himself to him. Jordan thinking he will come in and save the day for the UK team was just another one of his gems in this episode. Tori could do so much better.

Theo is a great competitor who is going to keep getting thrown into eliminations. It makes sense that the US team would want him to go so I don’t know why Josh is making such a big deal about being outvoted. I guess it’s because it coincides with what Paulie wants.

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I know I’m on the minority, but I genuinely used to love and root for Cara.  Ever since Wes dumped soda over her head I’ve been pulling for her. 

No more. Her relationship with Paulie, who was awful on BB and just has always sucked, has turned Cara into a raging asshole. 

Edited by Pixel
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On 10/25/2019 at 9:04 AM, Lantern7 said:

Revelation: maybe Turbo is the Turkish male version of Belou. All "YOU CANNOT COPY MY WALK!!!!" needed was "BISH!!!!" at the end.

I LIVE for that scene in BotS when Belou was reading the Wicks to filth.  Thank you SO MUCH for reviving that memory.

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Jordan is bona fide dumbass who is obsessed with taking down Cara because he can't compete with the top guys on he show. I loved seeing the look of fear in his eyes when Turbo called his ass in the room like he was a little boy that needed scolding. LMAO!

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14 minutes ago, Hiacios said:

Jordan is bona fide dumbass who is obsessed with taking down Cara because he can't compete with the top guys on he show. I loved seeing the look of fear in his eyes when Turbo called his ass in the room like he was a little boy that needed scolding. LMAO!

Jordan has already outlasted Wes and Johnny. Cara would be considered the alpha (or co-alpha) on the U.S. team in term of career success. I think Jordan could take on and beat Turbo. "Could" is the operative word, though . . . in the wrong circumstances, Turbo would give Jordan a stump to go along with his nub.

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Cara Maria being bothered by Jordan/Tori sleeping in separate rooms is so funny to me.

Cara Maria: Why don't you guys sleep in a room together? That's just weird.
Tori: I don't judge your relationship. Don't call ours weird.

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