rustyspigot

Twice! That and Marlena and her hilarious issues with technology were my favorite parts.

Imagine eye patch Steve as your uncle. You're cool.

Taylor begets Madison who begets Jordan who begets Serena. I'm sure others could be added to the list of "who cares?" characters that a lot of time was spent on for no good reason.

How about being De-SORASed? I'm looking at you, Mike Horton.

Oh yes they do! Well, at least my friend... George Glass tells me it happens.

"Friendship is like a glass". I don't know why that made me laugh so much, but it did. That was a lot of drama over a damn cake.

"Look at Me! Jax" is certainly bringing out the stunt queen card early and often with wearing that damn dress. At least Joey, who I am not a fan of, seems genuine in her kookiness. Ryan continues his journey to casual wear. Did JLO take all the clothing budget money this season? Alexis and her bare feet and multiple rat tails was a mess singing one of the classic worst songs to sing on Idol. Yep, its Motown week. Aretha was charming. And brief.

Where's Pocket, the funniest named character ever on this damn show? And that's saying a lot for this show.

Once was enough. Their relationship or whatever you want to call it is so weird. Will, he wants your damn husband for himself.

Ryan. Vests and bulky shirts aren't your friend. Why do these teenagers look so old and worn out? And you don't have to put ALL the makeup on when you perform. Joey Cook. Judy Tenuta thinks your terrible and so do I. I'm guessing. JLO's hair was terrible. And that's all I got for now. Oh wait! Tyanna sounded flat and lacked energy.

Kate is like Cher and cockroaches, the ultimate survivors.

Wasn't Younique a contestant on America's Next Top Model? No, that was Spontaneous. Silly me. The "I fucked you for the elephant in the room (not that one) you gave away?" look from Serena made me giggle like a school girl.

Cheese and fucking crackers Guy's acting sucks right now. A goldfish out of water gasping to breathe is not the best acting choice, Guy. "You've had sex with other guys (before we even really started hanging out together)" is the most WILL-fully stupid comment imaginable.

Oh, man. Will's stupid grin when he first came in to Sonny's room was hilarious. He really came off as the Village Idiot today and that is saying something in Salem. Learn to read a room, stupid. There has to be a reason that Doctor is named Mandrake.(Other than I think of Harry Potter every time they say the name)

Let us not forget the twerking first dance and wedding planner Danielle walking around with a Hefty garbage bag. Truly a fairy tale come true.

Paul uses sex as a defense weapon when need be maybe as I try to figure out bad writing. Maybe he didn't sex up Derrick because Derrick is a horny gossip. Derrick is my favorite character in this implausible storyline.

Jax! and Joey Cook are on my short list of most annoying contestants for the season so far. Well, besides the tween guy with all the confidence in the world. Billowy jumpsuits seemed to be the fashion choice of the evening. I'm also glad "Girl With The Psychic Cat" got shown the door. Bye Alexis! Bye SHE!

Give Daphne a damn award for being rational and understanding to Rage Paige logic. She has the Salem Brain right now. Will's constipated/I just farted face is so distracting. I like the Hope story line. It seems old soap to me.

So it's over in a weird flashback performance from earlier? The hell?

Is there an actual damn song? Guess not.

Calm the fuck down, Beyonce.

Oh here we go with Beyonce.

Exactly. Which makes it so irritating what she is doing now. In other news... music activism? Shut the hell up.

Why Sia? Why?!

Find that camera, Chris Martin.