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Why are you here? What will you do with the money?


xaxat
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Anybody that posts here knows the deal. The show loves to hear dramatic stories from the contestants and uses those questions as a prompt for the dreaded sob stories that are increasingly intruding on the actual cooking. So, if you were on the show, "Why are you here?", "What will you do with the money?"

 

Xaxat, why are you here?: I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. Then my parole office got me into culinary school and it straightened me out.

What will you do with the money?: Ted, I intend to spend it on hookers and blow, a lot of hookers and blow.

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(edited)

Why are you here?

I really can't cook, although I can rock a mean pan of scrambled eggs. I thought this would challenge me & make me push my boundaries. My old, dead, tragically deceased, gone from this world, passed on GrandPappy would be so proud. He didn't know how to make moonshine until he started trying. He always told me, "trial & error ramble, that's what life's about." This is for him.

What will you do with the money?

I'll invest it in a moonshine still in honor of GrandPappy & teach at-risk youth how to make moonshine. We'll only use organic, locally sourced ingredients & we'll donate the profits from selling the moonshine to an orphanage that raises baby chipmunks abandoned by their selfish, alcoholic chipmunk moms. It's a full circle type of thing.

ETA: Love the topic @xaxat!

Edited by ramble
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When my Mom died, we hacked her up and put her in the freezer.  I want to win as a validation that I did the right thing in doing so, and also to travel to France to dig truffles. I'll bring them back home and make them into truffle oil to sprinkle on when we finally serve her up, because I know she's looking down on me right now and she'd be so proud if I did that.  I just hope my many drug convictions from my misspent youth, and my hobbling from the kneecapping I got during my years in prison before I turned my life around won't mean I can't get a passport and fulfill my dreams before freezer burn sets in.

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You know, since grappa became popular I've been making a point of checking with the server to make sure that what I'm ordering is the kind that tastes like nail polish remover, because I'm old school that way, but I've never tasted moonshine I would describe as sweet.

 

I'm here because the vast desperation of my need for attention requires at a bare minimum basic cable and a podium full of B-list celebrities looking on.

 

I plan to spend the money on building an gilded altar to the transcendent glory which is Bobby Flay. I confidently expect to win, and then appear on every competition show show TFN produces for the next six years.

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Why are you here?

Well, you see, I see an appearance on Chopped as a springboard to other opportunities, like a chance to appear on Food Network Star or even Iron Chef.  I guess you could say I'm here looking for an entry-level way to become a fixture on your network.  Also, I'm hoping to get Alton Brown's autograph.  Who are you guys again?

 

What will you do with the money?

I plan to use it for a trip around the world, where I'll eat and study foods that I can't find at my local Whole Foods.  And then I'll open a restaurant in NYC so I can steal some of your customers.  I figure the 4k that will be left after taxes should be just about enough to pay for all of that, right? 

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I'm here to prove to my grandchildren that my going back to culinary school was the right choice for me.

 

I plan on giving my money to my granddaughter. Her first baby, my great grandchild, is due any day now. And with whatever is left over, I'll buy a food truck.

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I'm a man who had unprotected sex with a woman. Nine months later, I have another mouth to feed. Maybe two or three or four mouths to feed. So, I want to win because the results of our unprotected sex are costing me money. More money than you folks who used protection. I will tell you a fine story about the results of our unprotected sex and say they are "the most important things in the world to me," but that's simply code for "I should win over you because I created humans."

 

See, I can't pay for my existing family, so obviously I had more unprotected sex. Now I will have to pay even more money. So, please reward me for the money I am about to lose on the hypothetical mouth to feed that doesn't even exist yet. But I'll say it in a cutesy fashion like it's on the way. Now don't you want to give me the money? Not only did I create humans already, I created humans who aren't even humans yet. That has to earn me bonus points, or something.

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Why are you here?

 

When I was 6 my family moved to the United States from Vancouver.  My parents and I were separated in the airport and I was placed in foster care.  After settling into my 3rd foster home I was diagnosed with psoriasis, and my foster parents really wanted me to go into medical research to help find a cure.  I did, to make them happy, but they recently passed away and I decided to pursue my true dream of cooking.  I'm here to validate my decision and really show them that I'm doing the right thing with my life. 

 

What will you do with the money?

 

I'm going to finish culinary school.  I had to drop out when I had my son, since I'm a single parent.  

 

Of course, if I lose I'm going to continue pursuing my dream, to show him that you should never give up.  

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As another poster said in another thread, I'm playing for my cat.

 

And playing with my cat.

 

Maybe I'll replicate cat food with the leftover nachos, cherry fruit roll-up, ostrich egg, and canned asparagus in the basket of required ingredients.

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Why are you here?

 

I was running down the street trying to avoid the cops who were chasing me for robbing a tourist when one of your producers grabbed me, put an apron on me and told me that I'd have to cook something.

 

What will you do with the money?

 

Probably hire a good lawyer to get me off the hook

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I was running down the street trying to avoid the cops who were chasing me for robbing a tourist when one of your producers grabbed me, put an apron on me and told me that I'd have to cook something.

 

 

Now I've got this image in my head of some random production assistant grabbing someone off the street and yelling, "We need a fourth!  Can you cook with casu marzu?"

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To win so that way I can pay for my trip here, my hotel stay and the missed work. I figure after taxes not much will be left, but for what is I will do something nice for my family.

Edited by blueray
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(edited)

Why are you here?: blah blah blah blah blah

 

What will you do with the money?: Well Ted, my family views being a chef as a lowly occupation just a step above being a bail bondsman, so the validation I receive from this victory  and the fact that I will not return home in shame is reward enough. 

Edited by xaxat
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Well Woody, what would you do with the money if you win?

Well Ted, i'd probably spend the money on wine, women, and song. The rest I'd just piss away.

BTW, I am pretty sure I wouldn't spend a dime of it on the ugly hand tattoos that Aaron got with his winnings. The same tattoos that he is so proud of he airbrushes them out of his low rent commercials!!!

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It's spring and I'm now looking at my lawn. Would "Ted, I want to win the prize so I can hire a lawn service because I'm tired of cutting the damn grass." be compelling enough?

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Why am I here? Because $10000 will be enough to build a new restaurant, take my family on a month long vacation to Disney World, with enough left over to donate to the Shriners. 

 

(or possibly go to Life Skills class at the local high school equivalency center, so I can do basic math)

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Ted, I want to turn my 1 appearance on this show into hopping from one Food Network cooking show to another. I will become a personality with so many followers on FB that you will make me a regular guest judge on Guy Fieri's Grocery Games. 

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