Melanie & Devar: Jamaican Me Crazy

[Yolapukka]

I was unclear about the time period that elapsed between Devar leaving his job and coming to the US.  Did one or the both of them anticipate that it would be a much a shorter time than it actually was? Also, what would have been the penalty if he worked for two thirds of a six month contract and then quit?

 

I don't tend to think either of them conned the other, but I do think there were some conversations they should have had once they decided that they would marry and he would move to the US. Melanie certainly had no anticipation that he planned to continue helping his family financially and he certainly seemed to be under the impression that she could afford to spend the money she was laying out. 

Edited December 14, 2015 by yuggapukka

[Raja]

No, they do not. It's why you see different-sized weddings based on what the families can afford.

I thought they paid Louis to go pick up Aya in season one? The way he was struggling it seemed rather extravagant for him to spend vacation time and round trip airfare to try to sleep, or not sleep to combat jet lag.

[cooksdelight]

I don't know about them, but I do know that Jason & Cassia's "real" wedding in Florida was all their responsibility. TLC wanted them to have the Vegas wedding they showed us on TV, and said they'd provide this and that. They didn't. They promised them a suite at a nice hotel, a Cinderella wedding, etc. You see where they put them up, off the strip. And the small ceremony we were shown. None of the things promised ever came to fruition.

[4Nefertiti]

Maybe I'll be proven wrong, but I think some people are too hard on Melanie & Devar.

 

That sister of Melanie's looks like a big boozer with a furious temper - (what gives it away? The angry red complexion with accompanying scowl and permanently downturned mouth or the bloodshot eyes? They're blue, i noticed - but are turning green with jealousy, I think.)

 

Dr. Phil was completely biased and unfair. If he's going to put up the warning signs, re: Devar, for Melanie; then, for balance, he needed to tell the sister that this marriage is between two people, and she's not invited. Butt out.  That, if things turn out the sour way she thinks and spouts about, then she can say "I told you so." But, since that's not happened, and since they seem very happy, and since Melanie's son, Hunter clearly adores Devar (and the feelings seems mutual) then she just needs to suck it up and BE GRACIOUS.

 

Dr. Phil didn't seem to understand Devar's accent when he said his "9/10" comment was a sarcastic response (to that sister's aggression), so he couldn't give a proper response to us (his "flock").

 

He also didn't seem to want to understand the renewal of the (lifeguarding job) contract and that they thought Devar would be in the States sooner, so it would not have been right to renew it and quit.

 

Dr. Phil could have perhaps offered some words of advice for how the furious-looking sister could calm herself and MYOB; either that or be a nice person.

 

Devar seems like a nice person (even Dr. Phil conceded that). Melanie seems like a nice person. Hunter seems like a nice boy. The problem-person here seems to be the very noticeably un-nice sister.

 

As for what Melanie spent: as she said, she could afford it. Plus, where Dr. Phil comes from and where Devar comes from are such different worlds, with totally different takes on money - he had no "right" (proper awareness) using his class assessment in this scenario. Devar does seems "like a nice guy" who will then, do the right things by Melanie & Hunter, when he is capable of it. Melanie seems perfectly ok with that. So, what's the problem.

 

With twisted scenarios like the teenager Nikki and the controlling 58 yr-old "nut" Mark on "90-Day Fiance" - isn't is lovely to see a couple that actually do seem very much in love?

(

(Even that sister commented, about Devar's tars at his wedding to Melanie, "You can't fake those.")

 

Dr. Phil let his audience - and his guests down.

 

ALL THE BEST TO THE FAMILY OF DEVAR, MELANIE & HUNTER!!!!

[RCharter]

^^If the expense leaves you broke, it doesn't seem like you really can afford it.  

[GracieK]

One of Melanie's bridesmaids also appears to have a relationship with someone from Jamaica.  And it also looks like it pre-dates Melanie and Devar's relationship.  Seems like an awfully big coincidence that she then goes down there and ends up with someone too.  I don't know what exactly that means except that perhaps Melanie saw her friends relationship and went looking for her own cabana boy too.

[nlkm9]

One of Melanie's bridesmaids also appears to have a relationship with someone from Jamaica.  And it also looks like it pre-dates Melanie and Devar's relationship.  Seems like an awfully big coincidence that she then goes down there and ends up with someone too.  I don't know what exactly that means except that perhaps Melanie saw her friends relationship and went looking for her own cabana boy too.

 

 

that is interesting. how did you find this out?

she was definitely husband shopping:)

[WhoAmIReally]

Can someone please explain to me why you would go to Jamaica to look for a husband.  I really don't get it.

[GracieK]

Found out from just reading posts on facebook.. they are all over facebook posting all the time.  Melanie seems to like to drink a bit and then get online and respond to all of her "haters".

 

No idea why anyone would look for a husband in Jamaica.. insecurity and easy pickup?  

[RCharter]

Found out from just reading posts on facebook.. they are all over facebook posting all the time.  Melanie seems to like to drink a bit and then get online and respond to all of her "haters".

 

No idea why anyone would look for a husband in Jamaica.. insecurity and easy pickup?  

I despise the word "haters" when it is simply applied to people who disagree with another person or express an alternate point of view.  Its such a lazy response.

[nlkm9]

Can someone please explain to me why you would go to Jamaica to look for a husband.  I really don't get it.

 

 

ll i can think of is a lot of these folks on this show cannot meet anyone in the US and feel if they go somewhere where Americans are a big deal, it will be easier to find someone. It is possible that she went on vacation and simply met someone and fell in love...but the show seems to focus on people who purposely seek out mates from another poorer country.....

[cooksdelight]

It also may be the people in the other country looking for a way to the U.S. I went to England a dozen or so years ago, met a couple of very handsome young men. One of whom made it quite clear he'd love to come visit me in the U.S., with a lot of wooing. It was quite clear he was looking for a person to move in with, and bring his daughter. No way, I was not going there.

So, it works both ways. She might have gone on vacation and Devar did his thing and swept her off her feet.

[sleepyjean]

Can someone please explain to me why you would go to Jamaica to look for a husband.  I really don't get it.

 

I don't think they go looking for a husband. They go on vacation, drink a lot, and stumble across some great sex in paradise with a guy who is very skilled at making a woman feel like the center of his universe. Then they think about going back to the states where there is no sex and no one doting on them. The post-vacation letdown hits them hard, and they miss that chemistry and excitement. Somehow the distance and absence and loneliness (and the fact that no local guys are nearly as attentive) convince them that they had a special connection with Jamaica guy. What is this feeling? It must be love!  So back to Jamaica they go, to reconnect with their soulmate. And they tell their friends and family "I wasn't looking, but when you meet the right one, you just KNOW."

[GracieK]

I was never one for one night stands anyway, but there is no way in HELL that I would let some third world country dude's dick anywhere near me!  I am sorry if that sounds xenophobic in some way, but sexual health comes down to education, and that is something they are lacking.  Can't cure the herp! (or any number of other STD's).  No thanks. 

[Aw my lahgs]

I was never one for one night stands anyway, but there is no way in HELL that I would let some third world country dude's dick anywhere near me! I am sorry if that sounds xenophobic in some way, but sexual health comes down to education, and that is something they are lacking. Can't cure the herp! (or any number of other STD's). No thanks.

While you're partly right - and I understand what you mean - STD's are huge in the Unites States... What I've heard people just don't want to wear condoms, so I would say I wouldn't want ANY untested unprotected dick near me. Especially dicks that hang around the beach all day everyday with the only purpose to make tourist ladies happy and perhaps score a visa/green card.

[GracieK]

While you're partly right - and I understand what you mean - STD's are huge in the Unites States... What I've heard people just don't want to wear condoms, so I would say I wouldn't want ANY untested unprotected dick near me. Especially dicks that hang around the beach all day everyday with the only purpose to make tourist ladies happy and perhaps score a visa/green card.

 

Yeah obviously you have to be careful anywhere.  (I'm more of a no sex until commitment gal, and I'm married so it's moot for me now anyway), but condoms are definitely a must in a non-committed situation.  I just think messing around with someone who doesn't have education on the subject is adding even more to the risk.   

[RCharter]

I was never one for one night stands anyway, but there is no way in HELL that I would let some third world country dude's dick anywhere near me!  I am sorry if that sounds xenophobic in some way, but sexual health comes down to education, and that is something they are lacking.  Can't cure the herp! (or any number of other STD's).  No thanks. 

I would never let any pee pee next to me without a love glove.  But I can tell you this for sure, if I'm in Italy or Greece I'm gonna carry love gloves because those men are sexy as heck!  Oh, and also probably any middle eastern country because I find those men sexy too.  In fact,

[WhoAmIReally]

I would never let any pee pee next to me without a love glove.  But I can tell you this for sure, if I'm in Italy or Greece I'm gonna carry love gloves because those men are sexy as heck!  Oh, and also probably any middle eastern country because I find those men sexy too.  In fact,

 

Not to rain on your love parade, but you can still get herpes and genital warts with a condom.  Neither of which are curable. 

 

Regarding Jamaica, I've only heard bad things about the guys there from friends of mine who have gone--that they're aggressive and generally slimy.  Devar seems like a good guy, though.  I honestly don't have any thoughts about him one way or the other as far as his relationship with Melanie goes.  The quiet types are hard to read.

[RCharter]

Not to rain on your love parade, but you can still get herpes and genital warts with a condom.  Neither of which are curable. 

 

Regarding Jamaica, I've only heard bad things about the guys there from friends of mine who have gone--that they're aggressive and generally slimy.  Devar seems like a good guy, though.  I honestly don't have any thoughts about him one way or the other as far as his relationship with Melanie goes.  The quiet types are hard to read.

You just did rain on my love parade :(  Oh well, better you rained on it before it happened.  I always heard you only got the herp from unprotected sex and I had assumed the same for genital warts since a love glove would cover all the parts that I would be in contact with.  Oh well, I went to Catholic high school, our sex education was pretty much "don't do it!"  so I guess I have holes in my knowledge.

 

One girls slimy is another girls gallant.  There is a guy that lives down the street from my parents.....he has to be closer to 50 than to 40 and, to me, he is creepy as hell.  He thinks he has got it going on, and so every time he sees a woman he insists on a hug (not from the men mind you, this honor is just for the ladies).  I generally try to say hi from across the street, and get moving before he can cross the street.  However, I can see how his schtick would work on a certain sort of woman.

[GracieK]

Not to rain on your love parade, but you can still get herpes and genital warts with a condom. Neither of which are curable.

Regarding Jamaica, I've only heard bad things about the guys there from friends of mine who have gone--that they're aggressive and generally slimy. Devar seems like a good guy, though. I honestly don't have any thoughts about him one way or the other as far as his relationship with Melanie goes. The quiet types are hard to read.

I agree that Devar seems like a nice guy.. but apparently is pretty much a player like a lot of the resort boys....

You just did rain on my love parade :( Oh well, better you rained on it before it happened. I always heard you only got the herp from unprotected sex and I had assumed the same for genital warts since a love glove would cover all the parts that I would be in contact with. Oh well, I went to Catholic high school, our sex education was pretty much "don't do it!" so I guess I have holes in my knowledge.

One girls slimy is another girls gallant. There is a guy that lives down the street from my parents.....he has to be closer to 50 than to 40 and, to me, he is creepy as hell. He thinks he has got it going on, and so every time he sees a woman he insists on a hug (not from the men mind you, this honor is just for the ladies). I generally try to say hi from across the street, and get moving before he can cross the street. However, I can see how his schtick would work on a certain sort of woman.

I went to Catholic School too.. we were taught "you're worth the wait" :)

[WhoAmIReally]

You just did rain on my love parade :(  Oh well, better you rained on it before it happened.  I always heard you only got the herp from unprotected sex and I had assumed the same for genital warts since a love glove would cover all the parts that I would be in contact with.  Oh well, I went to Catholic high school, our sex education was pretty much "don't do it!"  so I guess I have holes in my knowledge.

 

One girls slimy is another girls gallant.  There is a guy that lives down the street from my parents.....he has to be closer to 50 than to 40 and, to me, he is creepy as hell.  He thinks he has got it going on, and so every time he sees a woman he insists on a hug (not from the men mind you, this honor is just for the ladies).  I generally try to say hi from across the street, and get moving before he can cross the street.  However, I can see how his schtick would work on a certain sort of woman.

 

Not to be too graphic (or off-topic) but the warts and blisters can be anywhere "down there", which you would certainly come into contact with.  Stay clean for us, Charter! 

 

I know exactly what you mean about the gallant neighbor.  I have a couple of those myself.  One of them "accidentally" kissed my neck when greeting me.

 

To get back to our lovely couple, I know they both like the booze, but I wonder if they smoke weed? Jamaica and all, you know.

[RCharter]

I agree that Devar seems like a nice guy.. but apparently is pretty much a player like a lot of the resort boys...

I went to Catholic School too.. we were taught "you're worth the wait" :)

I honestly think the guy next to Devar is so much cuter! That would have been way more my type than some guy doing a version of the Captain Morgans pose for the camera.

LOL, I'm sure thats how they framed it. "You're worth the wait, and decent men only want to wait until marriage" Our sex-education didn't even cover body parts because it was assumed that no man was gonna be touching them.

[GracieK]

Wow your sex ed didn't talk about bodies?  That's pretty strict.  We talked all about the biology.. that was no problem.  They just advised us to wait for marriage for sex because sex is a beautiful gift.. now that I'm older I can't say I disagree, or that I think it's a bad message given teen pregnancy and disease.  Just not usually a really effective one when talking to hormonal teenagers.

 

Anyway, back to Mel and Devar... like I said, he seems like a really nice guy, but I think he's a player just like every other guy at those resorts.  I know I've experienced them (not biblically of course).. they usually pressure you to join their activities and turn on the charm to try to upsell you on those activities.  If Melanie found Devar to be nice eye candy and roll in the hay, then that is her business.  But I struggle to see how they will be a good match for the long haul.  I've seen a lot of Devar's posts on facebook, and he's barely literate.  As an educated woman, I just couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone who was not able to offer any intellectual stimulation.  

Edited December 15, 2015 by GracieK

[WhoAmIReally]

Anyway, back to Mel and Devar... like I said, he seems like a really nice guy, but I think he's a player just like every other guy at those resorts.  I know I've experienced them (not biblically of course).. they usually pressure you to join their activities and turn on the charm to try to upsell you on those activities.  If Melanie found Devar to be nice eye candy and roll in the hay, then that is her business.  But I struggle to see how they will be a good match for the long haul.  I've seen a lot of Devar's posts on facebook, and he's barely literate.  As an educated woman, I just couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone who was not able to offer any intellectual stimulation.  

 

I don't see Melanie as a person who has intellectual conversations. 

[GracieK]

I don't see Melanie as a person who has intellectual conversations. 

 

I guess that's just what it comes down to.. she's educated, but that doesn't make her an intellectual.  She's from a pretty unsophisticated part of PA and strikes me as a big drinker, so maybe she doesn't require a ton of mental stimuli.  But even still, their level of sophistication and education seems so wide that I just have to wonder if that can truly be overcome.  

[RCharter]

Wow your sex ed didn't talk about bodies?  That's pretty strict.  We talked all about the biology.. that was no problem.  They just advised us to wait for marriage for sex because sex is a beautiful gift.. now that I'm older I can't say I disagree, or that I think it's a bad message given teen pregnancy and disease.  Just not usually a really effective one when talking to hormonal teenagers.

 

Anyway, back to Mel and Devar... like I said, he seems like a really nice guy, but I think he's a player just like every other guy at those resorts.  I know I've experienced them (not biblically of course).. they usually pressure you to join their activities and turn on the charm to try to upsell you on those activities.  If Melanie found Devar to be nice eye candy and roll in the hay, then that is her business.  But I struggle to see how they will be a good match for the long haul.  I've seen a lot of Devar's posts on facebook, and he's barely literate.  As an educated woman, I just couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone who was not able to offer any intellectual stimulation.  

Nope, it took a long time for me to finally figure out exactly what the set up was downtown.  And when I took sex ed the only supplemental material I had was our set of Encyclopedia Brittanica.  

 

I don't know, maybe if he isn't that bright he can be easily talked into her point of view, so there is that.  I don't think I could have that sort of relationship, but maybe she already tried something with a man who could challenge her and stimulate her intellectually and it didn't work out.  To be fair though, my father is a very educated man, and you wouldn't know just how educated from some of his writing because that is not his thing.  

[WhoAmIReally]

I guess that's just what it comes down to.. she's educated, but that doesn't make her an intellectual.  She's from a pretty unsophisticated part of PA and strikes me as a big drinker, so maybe she doesn't require a ton of mental stimuli.  But even still, their level of sophistication and education seems so wide that I just have to wonder if that can truly be overcome.  

 

Haha--she probably talks about Reality TV (hangs head in shame).

[GracieK]

Haha--she probably talks about Reality TV (hangs head in shame).

 

LOL!  Hey I do not try to hide the fact that this show and chatting about it is my vice.  Everyone deserves a destresser far from the daily life of math calculations, curing cancer, building nuclear rockets, and whatnot.  ;)

[cooksdelight]

Folks, please read the posting guidelines on the main page of this show's forum. Screenshots of someone's FB page or similar social media page are not allowed. Post a link, please. If it's a private page, it's definitely not allowed. Thanks.

[GracieK]

My bad.. I thought it was fine since it was easily found through public search and hashtagged #90DayFiance.  Generally that means it's meant to be searched and seen.  I know for next time.

[sleepyjean]

I've seen a lot of Devar's posts on facebook, and he's barely literate.

 

I haven't seen any of his posts, but it is possible that the issue isn't literacy, but rather he's more comfortable with the local patois rather than the Queen's English?

 

Also, from what I've observerd, a LOT of people come across significantly less intelligent on social media and text than in person because they use shorthand or can't/won't proofread or edit themselves.

[RCharter]

I haven't seen any of his posts, but it is possible that the issue isn't literacy, but rather he's more comfortable with the local patois rather than the Queen's English?

 

Also, from what I've observerd, a LOT of people come across significantly less intelligent on social media and text than in person because they use shorthand or can't/won't proofread or edit themselves.

I think that could be it.  My parents are foreign, but they come from a country where the native language is English, but its much more long winded than what we are used to here.  My dad is very well educated, but sometimes his writing doesn't reflect that.  

 

However, Devar, on the show, doesn't strike me as particularly intelligent.  Has he ever mentioned any plans?  If he was trying to land a rich woman....which is the fantasy that Mel played into, and likely encouraged he may have just thought he was going to be a kept man.  That doesn't speak to a man that would think about job prospects because he may not have thought he really needed a job.  If Mel doesn't know whats up with his job prospects, or what his plan was when he got here, then again, I think that is her fault.  And I think its possible that she didn't ask, because she didn't want him to know that she would need his income because she was busy trying to convince him she had a lot of money.

[funky-rat]

I don't see Melanie as a person who has intellectual conversations. 

Unless you want to talk about her Lemon Bikini.

My husband wasn't the most intellectual person, but that was more his environment.  His mother had zero interest in anything outside of BINGO, Soap Operas, or Hee Haw.  He doesn't read (for fun - he can read, but doesn't enjoy it), and his spelling/grammar aren't great.  But fairly early on, he told me he loved museums, and TV shows that show you how things are made.  He also loved playing Trivial Pursuit, even though he wasn't good at it, because he enjoyed the little factoids.  So I saw promise there, and it's been fun turning him on to new worlds of things.  I dated someone who I thought was my intellectual equal.  It got old quick.  And he could be very condescending.

 

**edited for continuity**

Edited December 16, 2015 by funky-rat

[RCharter]

^^I think its sweet that he enjoys trivial pursuit even though he isn't good at it.  If his fun is in the actual learning, I think thats pretty neat.  In our family, we tend not to like things we aren't good at.  I refuse to play Risk, and Scrabble is blood sport.

[Neurochick]

I don't know, a lot of xenophobia and racism around here.

 

The thing is, you can get STD's from anyone at any time, no matter the level of their education; you can get STD's from guys who went to Ivy League schools, or guys who went to the school of hard knocks.  

 

Wow your sex ed didn't talk about bodies?  That's pretty strict.  We talked all about the biology.. that was no problem.  They just advised us to wait for marriage for sex because sex is a beautiful gift.. now that I'm older I can't say I disagree, or that I think it's a bad message given teen pregnancy and disease.  Just not usually a really effective one when talking to hormonal teenagers.

 

 

Also, the "you're worth the wait" shit?  The issue with that is, not everybody wants to get married, so what do those people do?  Join a convent?

 

Glad I went to a progressive school where the folks from Planned Parenthood taught us about sex ed (and this was in the mid 1970's).

Edited December 16, 2015 by Neurochick

[Aw my lahgs]

I don't know, a lot of xenophobia and racism around here.

The thing is, you can get STD's from anyone at any time, no matter the level of their education; you can get STD's from guys who went to Ivy League schools, or guys who went to the school of hard knocks.

Also, the "you're worth the wait" shit? The issue with that is, not everybody wants to get married, so what do those people do? Join a convent?

Glad I went to a progressive school where the folks from Planned Parenthood taught us about sex ed (and this was in the mid 1970's).

I don't think it's "racism and xenophobia" and I don't think it's a good idea to throw around these terms and judgement like Halloween candy. [ETA: throwing around terms and judgements like that usually says more about the person throwing them around].

Anyone can get an std from anyone and anywhere. The risks, however, are a lot higher with a dude who's been hanging around the beach all day every day for many many years and hitting on tourists for his own benefit.

Edited December 16, 2015 by Nutella

[nlkm9]

I dont see any racism in these posts. the show seemed to want to stir it up in terms of Mel and Devar being different races but quite honestly, noone seemed to care, Devar actually brought it up to his Mom. These days it really isnt a big deal.

I don't think they go looking for a husband. They go on vacation, drink a lot, and stumble across some great sex in paradise with a guy who is very skilled at making a woman feel like the center of his universe. Then they think about going back to the states where there is no sex and no one doting on them. The post-vacation letdown hits them hard, and they miss that chemistry and excitement. Somehow the distance and absence and loneliness (and the fact that no local guys are nearly as attentive) convince them that they had a special connection with Jamaica guy. What is this feeling? It must be love!  So back to Jamaica they go, to reconnect with their soulmate. And they tell their friends and family "I wasn't looking, but when you meet the right one, you just KNOW.">>>

 

this is is perfectly said. where I take issue is her moving him in with her kid and saying the term "father figure" over and over. hopefully it works out for all of them.

[GracieK]

I haven't seen any of his posts, but it is possible that the issue isn't literacy, but rather he's more comfortable with the local patois rather than the Queen's English?

 

Also, from what I've observerd, a LOT of people come across significantly less intelligent on social media and text than in person because they use shorthand or can't/won't proofread or edit themselves.

 

No, it's not just the writing itself or the dialogue.  It's also the content of some of them.  He posted a picture of a black lady sitting on the toilet with her underwear around her ankles that said "On a first date, should a woman shit at a ni**a crib?"  I guess that doesn't exactly make him illiterate.. maybe a little less than classy.  It's just the entire body of work I've seen from him.  As I said, nice guy, but doesn't strike me as particularly educated.

 

I don't know, a lot of xenophobia and racism around here.

 

The thing is, you can get STD's from anyone at any time, no matter the level of their education; you can get STD's from guys who went to Ivy League schools, or guys who went to the school of hard knocks.  

 

 

Also, the "you're worth the wait" shit?  The issue with that is, not everybody wants to get married, so what do those people do?  Join a convent?

 

Glad I went to a progressive school where the folks from Planned Parenthood taught us about sex ed (and this was in the mid 1970's).

 

I don't appreciate the insinuation that I'm being racist.  It's well documented that lack of education leads to higher STD and pregnancy rates, and never did I claim that it was exclusive to those from impoverished areas. 

 

You claim it's racist to point out education is necessary when it comes to sex ed, yet you crap all over the morals my school taught me as ineffective and wrong as they teach you to wait rather than teach you to use condoms.  Seems contradictory.

Edited December 16, 2015 by GracieK

[Neurochick]

You claim it's racist to point out education is necessary when it comes to sex ed, yet you crap all over the morals my school taught me as ineffective and wrong as they teach you to wait rather than teach you to use condoms.  Seems contradictory.

 

 

Not really.  Teaching sex ed isn't the same thing as saying "don't do it until you're married."  

 

It is xenophobia to feel that you'll get STD's from those "others" in reality you have to watch yourself in your own country because anybody can have an STD, no matter where they're from.  

[funky-rat]

^^I think its sweet that he enjoys trivial pursuit even though he isn't good at it.  If his fun is in the actual learning, I think thats pretty neat.  In our family, we tend not to like things we aren't good at.  I refuse to play Risk, and Scrabble is blood sport.

He actually loves to learn.  He didn't enjoy school because he had behavioral issues, and his reputation preceded him through the years - a teacher would get him and tell him from the get-go that they'd "heard about him".  Nowadays, if a teacher suspects abuse in the home, they report it, but back in the 80's, not as much.  He later had a teacher tell him that he suspected it, but the thing then was that it was a family matter, and if they didn't have visible bruises, they were told to leave it alone.  Teachers didn't want to deal with it, so they put him in Sepcial Ed, even though he didn't belong there.  He'd get bored and zone out,  and when he was able to leave school to go to Vo-Tech, he grabbed it, and did well there.

 

He's actually gotten pretty good with Trivial Pursuit, and his spelling has improved greatly, thanks to online games like Word Whomp.

 

Devar has landed in an area that isn't known for being a cultural mecca, so I doubt anyone would look down on him for lack of education.  That area was a hotbed of manufacturing and coal mining, so he's not likely to run into a lot of people with PHD's.

[GracieK]

Not really.  Teaching sex ed isn't the same thing as saying "don't do it until you're married."  

 

It is xenophobia to feel that you'll get STD's from those "others" in reality you have to watch yourself in your own country because anybody can have an STD, no matter where they're from.  

 

Right we were taught sex ed and also that we should wait until marriage.  But you seem to take issue with that as an ineffective or unrealistic concept.  If you feel that way, then lack of any sex ed is even worse.  Which I would be concerned about in a 3rd world country.  That isn't xenophobia.. that's just reality.  I never once claimed you don't have to be careful in this country as well, but I would be particularly concerned in an area where there was little knowledge or education about the spread of disease.

Edited December 16, 2015 by GracieK

[okerry]

Can someone please explain to me why you would go to Jamaica to look for a husband.  I really don't get it.

Same reason most of the Americans on this show are looking in other countries for wives/husbands: To get someone who's younger and better-looking than they could hope to get here. That's what Melanie and Danielle certainly did. Not to Mention Mark.

[cooksdelight]

Let's reserve our cutting remarks for Melanie and Devar, not each other. Anymore jabs at one another regarding racisim or any other unkind remarks will result in suspensions for anyone participating.

We don't do that here. Period.

[Neurochick]

Back on topic:

 

I have to agree that Melanie does have a "drinker's" face, as does her sister.  Maybe she was drunk when she met Devar?  

Edited December 16, 2015 by Neurochick

[charmed1]

The risks, however, are a lot higher with a dude who's been hanging around the beach all day every day for many many years and hitting on tourists for his own benefit.

How do we know that about Devar though? How long has he worked at the resort because I don't remember him mentioning it. Plus Melanie herself said she was the one who approached Devar under the premise of wanting a "running" partner. I guess I'm not understanding the assumption that Devar is the one engaging in risky behavior when Melanie seems very far from a shrinking violet.

His mother had zero interest in anything outside of BINGO, Soap Operas, or Hee Haw.

No offense to your MIL, but this cracks me up!

Devar has landed in an area that isn't known for being a cultural mecca, so I doubt anyone would look down on him for lack of education. That area was a hotbed of manufacturing and coal mining, so he's not likely to run into a lot of people with PHD's.

High freaking Five! Edited December 16, 2015 by charmed1

[funky-rat]

No offense to your MIL, but this cracks me up!

 

Meh.  Be offensive all you want.  She was not a nice person, and I shed few tears when she left this Earth for parts unknown.  She makes Mel's sister Bev look like Miss Congeniality.

[DangerousMinds]

shes only 33!! please tell me thats not middle aged, lol.

There are a lot of red flags, until the Dr Phl show I thought nothing of any of it. the fact that she spent so much money and then complained she was broke, and then had a full wedding and made her parents buy the rings..its just wierd. its wierd that he was trying to get to the US for so many years. Its wierd that she sent him money. But it is her life, except when/if this affects her son....she did say several times she was looking for a father figure for Hunter.

Wonder why we never saw her parents??

I think her money situation was somewhat played up for TV. It does seem she spent a lot of money on travel, but I feel the more time spent with another person before you are married the better. 

[DangerousMinds]

I despise the word "haters" when it is simply applied to people who disagree with another person or express an alternate point of view.  Its such a lazy response.

I despise that "word" in any context.:)

[DangerousMinds]

I don't know, a lot of xenophobia and racism around here.

 

The thing is, you can get STD's from anyone at any time, no matter the level of their education; you can get STD's from guys who went to Ivy League schools, or guys who went to the school of hard knocks.  

 

 

Also, the "you're worth the wait" shit?  The issue with that is, not everybody wants to get married, so what do those people do?  Join a convent?

 

Glad I went to a progressive school where the folks from Planned Parenthood taught us about sex ed (and this was in the mid 1970's).

I agree, I was raised Catholic in the 80's pre-internet, and my parents never mentioned sex. We had minimal sex ed in school. In my mid 20's, I volunteered and then was hired as a staff member at Planned Parenthood, and learned (and then taught) a lot! It's true that condoms don't cover all of the areas genital warts and herpes can appear, but if you're going to have sex (and most of us do!), it is paramount to be educated and use protection every time.

 

Devar may not be very educated in general, but I have a feeling that he knows a bit about using condoms. 

Edited December 18, 2015 by DangerousMinds

[TigerLily20]

Wonder how Devar is dealing with the storm that hit, I'm in the state below and we got close to 30 inches and with all the wind and drifts closer to 3ft in some areas...fun times.