Melanie & Devar: Jamaican Me Crazy

[cooksdelight]

Sorry for being dumb-but what is a 'butter face'?

I only learned this from Survivor.

Everything about her is desirable/pretty... but her face.

[mittsigirl]

Okay, got it! Thanks:)

[RCharter]

I only learned this from Survivor.

Everything about her is desirable/pretty... but her face.

I learned this from Howard Stern of all people!

[KarmaG]

God help me, but I kind of like these two.

 

I didn't think I would but after two episodes I can say I do, too. For me they just click.

[gunderda]

Devar's relationship with his mom seemed off to me. Contrast it with the outpouring of emotion he got at the send-off from his family members in Jamaica. Everyone seemed deeply attached and warm to one another. If my mom gets to see me after a 9-month separation, she's grinning from ear to ear and can't stop touching my hair, etc. Even if she's not thrilled about my choice of fiancee, she'd be thrilled to see me and over the moon that I was moving within a day-trip's distance from her. Something's weird there.

They probably don't have as close of a relationship as a normal son/mother since she moved away when he was really young and he likely didn't see her all that much.  Plus factor in the cameras and it was probably all sorts of awkward for her.  AND I noticed when he called her, the name in his phone did not say mom or mother, or anything similar.  It said "Yvonnne" (or whatever her name is).

[mittsigirl]

KarmaG-sadly I join you:(

[pollywood]

I think Devar's mom was trying to say tactfully that Devar can make his own choices and the interracial aspect didn't matter to her one bit. But she didn't have the words. Nerves? Failure to see why it was even an issue? Discomfort at her estranged (?) son suddenly being in America and in her home?

 

They're probably not close and maybe TLC made them have this meeting. Or it was Melanie's urging. Neither mother nor son seemed like they wanted to be there at all. If Melanie's mom is like her sister, she was probably hoping for a warm, approving mother in this wedding. I think she knows in her heart it's a sham, but she still wants the wedding/marriage she didn't quite get the first time around. Human nature I guess.

[Aw my lahgs]

I agree, in her heart of hearts she knows this relationship is based on him moving to the United States and not on love.

[KarmaG]

I think it was more a matter of the cameras being there. She had no problem with her son being with a white woman and though he was in the process of coming over via a different visa, I think she wants to believe (like I do) that they love each other.

[funky-rat]

Sorry for being dumb-but what is a 'butter face'?

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/butterface

[mittsigirl]

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/butterface

Ah, now that makes sense!

[Paulagail]

I believed in devar, but things are developing that are convincing me he is here simply for citizenship and sending money home to his family

[still hoping]

I really wonder how Devar will handle winter in Pa? He will need all new, warm clothes, coat/s, boots 

 

re Mel -I think she has a nice athletic figure....I think she tries so hard to be "hot" that it backfires

 

I think she has some rosacea going on - red cheeks and patches....she needs gentle skin routine, good products, derm and facialist

she could use a green under foundation to tone down the red

less eye makeup please..it makes her look hard and droopy....a soft lip color...and please condition the hair, color style..

[cooksdelight]

Less alcohol will help with the face redness. Judging from the photos she posts of herself with drink in hand.

[RCharter]

I really wonder how Devar will handle winter in Pa? He will need all new, warm clothes, coat/s, boots 

 

re Mel -I think she has a nice athletic figure....I think she tries so hard to be "hot" that it backfires

 

I think she has some rosacea going on - red cheeks and patches....she needs gentle skin routine, good products, derm and facialist

she could use a green under foundation to tone down the red

less eye makeup please..it makes her look hard and droopy....a soft lip color...and please condition the hair, color style..

From what I've seen in her TH, she needs a new hairstyle ASAP.  I don't know when the adult combover became popular, but it barely works for much prettier girls, and it is not a good look for her.  I wonder if she would consider maybe going a darker blonde with highlights.  The harsh red clearly doesn't work (thanks for experimenting Bev!)

[essexjan]

From what I've seen in her TH, she needs a new hairstyle ASAP.  I don't know when the adult combover became popular, but it barely works for much prettier girls, and it is not a good look for her.  I wonder if she would consider maybe going a darker blonde with highlights.  The harsh red clearly doesn't work (thanks for experimenting Bev!)

 

There are photos on her FB page where she's now brunette - it suits her much more than bottle blonde.

[ParkCirclegirl]

I believed in devar, but things are developing that are convincing me he is here simply for citizenship and sending money home to his family

I get a feeling that the sister back home is really Devar's wife. Hmmmm...

[3girlsforus]

I get a feeling that the sister back home is really Devar's wife. Hmmmm...

 

That's a fascinating theory. If it's true then the TLC research team is even worse than I thought. And that's pretty bad. 

[still hoping]

I do not think that he could be "married" and get a K-1

 

however - could be a baby mama

 

re  : darker hair for Mel - IMHO much better

the brassy blond made her look so hard and made her red blotchy skin stand out

Softer - Natural - will help her a lot I think...she just wanted to look hot and young but it had opposite effect

[spankydoll]

 

I really wonder how many other american women on vacation Devar has proposed to.  It's got to be dozens before he found one who would be delusional enough to accept.

 I blame the Disney movies for giving women the idea that a marriage proposal is a victory. A man who proposes quickly may be using it as an HOV lane to having a place to live with a wife who can support him. I dated a guy who was all "I want to have a baby with you" blah, blah, blah. Turned out he had already done that with three other women! And he was a great Dad if not paying child support and romancing other women for a place to live, be fed etc.  

[Aw my lahgs]

I do not think that he could be "married" and get a K-1

however - could be a baby mama

If the theory would be true, she could very well be a common law wife/girlfriend. She would totally be in on it. In fact, the entire family including Yvonne would be in on it. The way she shamelessly asked for money before he could even unpack his luggage was weird. Edited December 2, 2015 by Nutella

[PamPote65]

I got the feeling that Devar comes from a culture which is not typically monogamous, so the males don't usually support their own kids (because they can never be sure those are really their kids), but support their sister's kids who they are sure they share genes with.  From this cultural perspective he would be financially loyal to his sister's kids, but not his own future kids with Melanie.  I think Devar is better looking than Melanie and that could be where some of the skepticism is coming from on the part of Melanie's sister.  However, I think Devar sees Melanie as a big step up, and this could have something to do with the low self concept that people of color from poor countries seem to have.

[okerry]

I got the feeling that Devar comes from a culture which is not typically monogamous, so the males don't usually support their own kids (because they can never be sure those are really their kids), but support their sister's kids who they are sure they share genes with.  From this cultural perspective he would be financially loyal to his sister's kids, but not his own future kids with Melanie.  

Very interesting point. I believe that during the Middle Ages, and no doubt other times and places as well, a "sister's son" was often valued over a man's own (purported) son for just this reason. You could well be right about this regarding Devar.

[gunderda]

I keep seeing people mention that Melanie has a nice house.  Is there a picture of it somewhere and something different than what they've shown?  Because it seems to me that it's pretty obvious she lives in an apartment and it looks decent and fairly cheap but not fancy and expensive.

 

Not judging! Just confused lol

[deltaburkefan]

It definitely looked like a house to me.

[funky-rat]

I thought it was more like a townhouse - to me, it looked like it was connected to several others.

[RCharter]

I keep seeing people mention that Melanie has a nice house.  Is there a picture of it somewhere and something different than what they've shown?  Because it seems to me that it's pretty obvious she lives in an apartment and it looks decent and fairly cheap but not fancy and expensive.

 

Not judging! Just confused lol

well, compared to the mausoleum that is Mark's house.....

[GracieK]

It definitely looks like a townhouse in a middle to lower middle income complex.

[PamPote65]

Call me weird on this one, but I thought that Devar's dedication to his sister reflected very well on his character and made me like him more.  This proves to me that he is capable of true loyalty which not everybody has.  With time it seems to me that Devar will grow to also feel that loyalty towards Melanie; she is just being impatient.  I think it shows great character on his part that he didn't immediately drop his sister after falling in love and moving far from home.  

[Toaster Strudel]

I get a feeling that the sister back home is really Devar's wife. Hmmmm...

 

I thought so too, on account of how firmly she expected Devar to send money for the whole mortgage, like, yesterday.

 

[biakbiak]

He has more than one sister and apparently has been supporting them we have seen one of them for 30 seconds on Skype, half of that time was spent talking to his nephews, I think it's a big leap to suggest that it's his wife particularly when he successfully got a K-1 visa.

[Aw my lahgs]

It could be a "common law" wife or long time girlfriend. She could have been living with Devar and his siblings.

Marrying him would be a dumb idea because it would make it harder for Yvonne to bring her son over and pretty much impossible for an American woman to K1 him.

Edited December 2, 2015 by Nutella

[biakbiak]

Or it could easily be his sister.

[still hoping]

Just a thought...he may have gotten much closer to his sisters since Mom was so far away?

 

I want to give them benefit of doubt...they may both have their own "agenda" but maybe it works for

them?

 

I do have a friend *German - who met and married an american, fell

in love, she admits tho that part of his initial appeal was - USA LOL

they are divorced but were married 7 years...she still here years later

has gone to school, worked as a paramedic in fact , worked on yachts

and recently got a security license. Only thing she can't do is work for

govt agency. Devar can go to school and follow his dream - might be

good for both of them

[deltaburkefan]

I don't see why you'd even think that his sister was his wife. That is one of the weirdest rumors I've heard about this season's cast yet.

[Raja]

I don't see why you'd even think that his sister was his wife. That is one of the weirdest rumors I've heard about this season's cast yet.

I think people expect familial relationships are universal when they are not. They say I won't do that for my sister or nephew s it must be a secret love child of mine.  In some places mother stays home no matter what. In other she leaves the younger children with the older ones and moves to another country to be a domestic worker, and despite being among the lowest economic class in the host country still sends money home to the children left in the care of an  older child, God parents, brother/sister...

[ParkCirclegirl]

I don't see why you'd even think that his sister was his wife. That is one of the weirdest rumors I've heard about this season's cast yet.

Oh please, this is crazy reality, anything and everything is up for a side eye, lol!  Tongue in cheek and snark are just two of the many services I provide. I was just having fun with a nutty thought.

[jujuebes]

I find it strange that Devar's mom left when he was very young and we find out she has been trying to bring her family over, but the only one that seems to have made it used a k1 visa...

Edited December 3, 2015 by jujuebes

[Passthepopcorn]

In this one I'm hoping for the best for her son. He seems so excited and he is getting attached to D. and to the idea of having him around. 

I think M. and D. will be fine either if it works or if it doesn't. They don't seem so deeply in love to end up devastated.

[BethBud]

I find it strange that Devar's mom left when he was very young and we find out she has been trying to bring her family over, but the only one that seems to have made it used a k1 visa...

 

Not so strange. She needed a better job to provide for her family so she made the sacrifice. As for bringing her family over - it is really expensive. My husband and I spent thousands of dollars on my visa, green card (both conditional and permanent) and finally citizenship. We didn't use a lawyer, did it all ourselves and still it cost us thousands. It would be similar for children. She probably didn't have the thousands of dollars it would've cost her to bring her children, and subsequently her grandchildren, over. She would've had to show she can support them all or get a joint sponsor. It's not easy to come to the US even if you're family. 

[RCharter]

Not so strange. She needed a better job to provide for her family so she made the sacrifice. As for bringing her family over - it is really expensive. My husband and I spent thousands of dollars on my visa, green card (both conditional and permanent) and finally citizenship. We didn't use a lawyer, did it all ourselves and still it cost us thousands. It would be similar for children. She probably didn't have the thousands of dollars it would've cost her to bring her children, and subsequently her grandchildren, over. She would've had to show she can support them all or get a joint sponsor. It's not easy to come to the US even if you're family. 

And she had multiple children.....how would she choose which one could come even if she could gather enough money to bring one over

[trimthatfat]

I got the feeling that Devar comes from a culture which is not typically monogamous, so the males don't usually support their own kids (because they can never be sure those are really their kids), but support their sister's kids who they are sure they share genes with.  From this cultural perspective he would be financially loyal to his sister's kids, but not his own future kids with Melanie. 

 

My family is from the Caribbean and I've heard a lot of misconceptions about us, but this is a new one. I've never heard this perspective before and I think it is inaccurate based on my personal experience.

 

Anyway, it is incredibly expensive to petition to have family members come to the US. My family has petitioned for siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. and it was a hard and lengthy process. I think it's wonderful that Devar's mother tried as hard as she did to bring her children here. It's not an easy decision to make to leave your children behind so you can set up a better life for them elsewhere.

    I don't see why you'd even think that his sister was his wife. That is one of the weirdest rumors I've heard about this season's cast yet.

 

I agree. I think it's actually messed up to say that Devar is trying to get one over on Melanie by misrepresenting himself and his family members.

[still hoping]

In this one I'm hoping for the best for her son. He seems so excited and he is getting attached to D. and to the idea of having him around. 

I think M. and D. will be fine either if it works or if it doesn't. They don't seem so deeply in love to end up devastated.

That is  good insight IMHO.....

Mel is a bit delusional and seems to like attention - she likes having Devar as her arm candy

 

Devar seems to care about her and really is bonding with her son......underneath there is the element of wanting the green card yes

but they both seem to be pretty decent people

 

Best case scenario - she gets over her Bridezilla antics after they wed

he gets into school for emt, firefighter or ?  and gets a good job that allows him to help his family but

still contribute (lesser but fair share)

[cynic]

I think people expect familial relationships are universal when they are not. They say I won't do that for my sister or nephew s it must be a secret love child of mine.  In some places mother stays home no matter what. In other she leaves the younger children with the older ones and moves to another country to be a domestic worker, and despite being among the lowest economic class in the host country still sends money home to the children left in the care of an  older child, God parents, brother/sister...

 

This. Different cultural have different norms when it comes to family relations. In a lot of countries, there are much higher expectations placed on people to maintain close ties, honor, and take responsibility for family members, even extended family members. While here in the US, I know a lot of people who don't think anything of rarely seeing their parents. Beyond that, individual families can have different dynamics. One of my friends who is natural-born American (with German heritage) and has lived in Southern California her entire life financially supports her adult sister, as well as her brother's daughter and would expect anyone she married to be okay with that.

[sleepyjean]

Call me weird on this one, but I thought that Devar's dedication to his sister reflected very well on his character and made me like him more.

 

Until the part where he said when Melanie finds out, she's going to be angry, but he's going to do it anyway. And then the part after that when he lied and said he meant he'd only send money if his family asked for it. Conveniently leaving out that his family has in essence, already asked forit, and he has tacitly agreed to give it. I have so many questions about that phone call with Devar's sister, and the subsequent discussion with Mel's sister.

1. Were Devar's sisters NOT working at all before he left? Melanie said they were able-bodied.

2. Why is he only supporting two of them, and why can't the 7 other siblings help?

3. Why were his sisters unaware that he would not be able to work for several months? If he was supporting them before he left, surely they had some sort of discussion about what his leaving would mean.

4. Was Melanie unaware that Devar was supporting his family?

5. What kind of work does Devar expect to do in PA? Do medic skills in Jamaica translate to the US? Is it that he thinks he'll be making so much money that sending 90% of it to the relatives will still leave him with enough to live a fine life in PA? Or does he just have zero understanding of the cost of living in the US?

6. If Devar's sisters are working, why can't they support themselves? Did they have too many kids? Did they buy too much of a house? What's the reason why they are living beyond their means?

Edited December 6, 2015 by sleepyjean

[Celia Rubenstein]

 

5. What kind of work does Devar expect to do in PA? Do medic skills in Jamaica translate to the US? Is it that he thinks he'll be making so much money that sending 90% of it to the relatives will still leave him with enough to live a fine life in PA? Or does he just have zero understanding of the cost of living in the US.

 

That's what I want to know, too.   Maybe someone here remembers something being said about how Devar plans to earn a living.  I don't recall any mention of his specific goals or plans. 

 

He is going to have to have a pretty impressive job if he is going to pay his own way on only 10% of his earnings.  He should be paying half the household expenses plus covering his own car, gas, insurance, clothing etc.  To the extent that he may be unable cover his share of the bills so that he has money to send money back home, he would essentially be forcing Melanie to subsidize his family by paying for his expenses here in the US.  And that kind of sucks considering she is not entitled to a vote in the matter in Devar's opinion.  

 

I think he just has no clue how much he is likely to earn or how much it costs to live in the US.  HIs sisters will be lucky to get the 10% he planned on keeping for himself.

[Neurochick]

Dear Melanie's sister,

Anybody whose hair color doesn't exist in nature BIG TIME really shouldn't be on TV saying they don't trust someone.

[Honley Lass]

Dear Melanie's sister,

Anybody whose hair color doesn't exist in nature BIG TIME really shouldn't be on TV saying they don't trust someone.

BOOM!!!!    ;-)  Love it!

[DangerousMinds]

That's what I want to know, too.   Maybe someone here remembers something being said about how Devar plans to earn a living.  I don't recall any mention of his specific goals or plans. 

 

He is going to have to have a pretty impressive job if he is going to pay his own way on only 10% of his earnings.  He should be paying half the household expenses plus covering his own car, gas, insurance, clothing etc.  To the extent that he may be unable cover his share of the bills so that he has money to send money back home, he would essentially be forcing Melanie to subsidize his family by paying for his expenses here in the US.  And that kind of sucks considering she is not entitled to a vote in the matter in Devar's opinion.  

 

I think he just has no clue how much he is likely to earn or how much it costs to live in the US.  HIs sisters will be lucky to get the 10% he planned on keeping for himself.

I would like to see the wives held to this same standard of paying half of the household expenses. Not sure why so many seem to give the women a pass on contributing their share but never the men.

[Celia Rubenstein]

I would like to see the wives held to this same standard of paying half of the household expenses. Not sure why so many seem to give the women a pass on contributing their share but never the men.

 

Devar pulling his weight financially is only the subject of discussion because he has indicated his intention to send away 90% of his income and that seems like a questionable plan to some posters.  

 

Sending money back home vs. contributing to the marital till has not been an issue in any of the other story lines, so I think that is why it has not been discussed with regard to anyone else on the show.  I certainly have not read any posts here that grant the women on the show any sort of "pass."