Mark & Nikki: Touch That Window, Lose Your Hand

[RCharter]

OK. I'm gonna go ahead and say it: I'm 53, and Mark is too old for me. He doesn't look his age, or act his age. He looks and acts and moves and dresses like a much older man. Which I, as a pretty good 53, do not find sexually attractive at all. And I say this as someone who is dating a 59-year-old.

How dare you, he is a specimen.  :)

[WhoAmIReally]

How dare you, he is a specimen.  :)

 

Preserved in wax?

[cooksdelight]

Looks more like formaldehyde to me.

[pollywood]

In the episode where they are eating breakfast outside (train whistle maybe?) is Nikki drinking chocolate milk?

 

Also, I had no idea watching a beauitufl sunrise was a euphemism for sex. that's disgusting and creepy.

[Toaster Strudel]

I am trying to figure out Mark's endgame. What exactly does he want from Nikki? Sex? You can get that without marrying a Filipino teenager.

 

But what if what he wants is sex with a Filipino teenager, on the cheap and for a long assignment?

[truelovekiss]

In the episode where they are eating breakfast outside (train whistle maybe?) is Nikki drinking chocolate milk?

Also, I had no idea watching a beauitufl sunrise was a euphemism for sex. that's disgusting and creepy.

Oh, yuck! I thought he was actually talking about sunrises! Ugh, saying "and then we did it" is somehow preferable to that wink wink nod nod crap.

[pollywood]

I saw that on another thread I think. Someone posted that was basically what he meant when he mentioned it to his daughter. Must be 58 year-old creepy guy talk.

[Stripper Glitter]

If I had to touch Mark's peepee you'd better believe I would have earned the right to lounge around all day every day when I wasn't driving around in my new car buying things for myself with his money!

Mark probably thinks having a 19 y.o. bride means he will save money by not having to hire a housekeeper or cook or prostitutes. He is very wrong, of course, but I'm sure he thinks that.

Ohhhhhh my goodness I have missed you! Lol!!

[pollywood]

I can't figure out if Nikki is from some tiny village in the Cebu province, or from Cebu City. If it's Cebu City, it's not exactly a small town. Maybe she moved to the big city. We don't really know her backstory, do we?

[mittsigirl]

Oh, yuck! I thought he was actually talking about sunrises! Ugh, saying "and then we did it" is somehow preferable to that wink wink nod nod crap.

Mark reminds me of the type of guy who does naked yoga outside while the sun is rising. 

[cooksdelight]

Mark reminds me of the type of guy who does naked yoga outside while the sun is rising.

And hopefully all the children are at school already.

[ethalfrida]

Mark reminds me of the type of guy who does naked yoga outside while the sun is rising. 

Now, wait just a minute... we do not want him amongst us. Take that back! LOL.

Edited November 10, 2015 by ethalfrida

[Cherrio]

Mark reminds me of the type of guy who does naked yoga outside while the sun is rising. 

That is about all that is rising.     Nikki thank your lucky stars.

[pollywood]

That's so gross! At least put on an oversized silk shirt, Mark. He should be taking Nikki to see Baltimore, and D.C. and some of the sights. Not keeping her hostage. And let her sleep if she has nothing to get up for!

[WhoAmIReally]

This hasn't really manifested itself yet (except with Nikki's pouting), but I wonder how much Mark understands about Filipino relationship dynamics and how it might impact his marriages.  I was talking to a Filipina friend of mine (from Baltimore, no less) about this show, and she explained to me the concept of tampo-- or "the silent treatment".  Basically, if you hurt a Filipina's feelings, they will feel they have "lost face", and since they do not like to confront people openly, they will start the silent treatment, which usually lasts for days.  The man is supposed to respond with reassurances and apologies, called lambing.  Eventually, she will give in, especially if you buy her a gift.  It's an intricate dance, well-established in their culture, but well not understood (or tolerated) by those who aren't in the know.  I doubt that Mark has the emotional intelligence to learn about it and how to either play the game or to explain that he's not willing to play the game.  We will see.  It even has its own Wikipedia entry.  Sort of fascinating.  I would love to see if this becomes a issue.  I dearly wish that Mark and Nikki had way more air time, because what's going on with them can't be caught in a couple of five-minute segments each week.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo

Edited November 10, 2015 by WhoAmIReally

[mittsigirl]

Okay, okay, I take back the Naked Old Mark Doing Hot Yoga While The Sun Is Rising!

[WhoAmIReally]

Regarding the yoga, Mark's build is similar to men I see at my yoga studio of his age.  Slender, not too muscular, maybe a little pot belly if they only take class a couple of times a week.  So it could all be TRUE!!!!!  Ladies, let your fantasies live on!

[Raja]

This hasn't really manifested itself yet (except with Nikki's pouting), but I wonder how much Mark understands about Filipino relationship dynamics and how it might impact his marriages. I was talking to a Filipina friend of mine (from Baltimore, no less) about this show, and she explained to me the concept of tampo-- or "the silent treatment". Basically, if you hurt a Filipina's feelings, they will feel they have "lost face", and since they do not like to confront people openly, they will start the silent treatment, which usually lasts for days. The man is supposed to respond with reassurances and apologies, called lambing. Eventually, she will give in, especially if you buy her a gift. It's an intricate dance, well-established in their culture, but well not understood (or tolerated) by those who aren't in the know. I doubt that Mark has the emotional intelligence to learn about it and how to either play the game or to explain that he's not willing to play the game. We will see. It even has its own Wikipedia entry. Sort of fascinating. I would love to see if this becomes a issue. I dearly wish that Mark and Nikki had way more air time, because what's going on with them can't be caught in a couple of five-minute segments each week.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo

since this isn't his first rodeo I am sure Mark knows. TLC didn't show Tampo with their first two Fil/Am couples.

[pollywood]

I think Mark's clueless, and maybe not grasping tampo helped to drive the first wife away.

[WhoAmIReally]

I think Mark's clueless, and maybe not grasping tampo helped to drive the first wife away.

 

I wondered that, too.  It would be so interesting if they explored more of the cultural aspects relating to love/marriage/relationships from the viewpoint of the fiance(e)s arriving to the US.  I would have loved to know more about marriages in Tunisia, for example, when trying to figure out Mohammad and Danielle.  In a way, not giving us some insight does a disservice to the fiance(e)s, because we're judging them strictly on US standards rather than their cultural norms.  I know they're expected to conform to our customs, but it must be pretty confusing for a lot of them.  For example, with Tampo, it is considered completely normal to be passive-aggressive if you don't get your way and it would be considered rude if you expressed your anger or problems openly.  The opposite is considered to be correct here--you're supposed to talk problems out and communicate clearly.  Imagine having to change your emotional wiring as soon as you're in a new country.   Anyhoo, I think it would be more interesting if they had fewer couples and went deeper.  This season seems especially rushed and shallow.

[ParkCirclegirl]

I loved that someone on this board found the dating profile for Mark, (I swear I know him from somewhere), it looked like a "what not to do" cautionary tale of on line dating...and this is coming from someone who met her husband on JDate. LOL!

 

Keep up the good work super sleuths!

[WhoAmIReally]

I loved that someone on this board found the dating profile for Mark, (I swear I know him from somewhere)

 

Does he just have one of those faces?  Because I think I know him, too. 

[magemaud]

I apologize for asking a question but I wasn't paying close attention to the first episodes. Is Mark's ex Filipina wife the mother of his grown children or is she someone he married after divorcing their mother? 

[biakbiak]

He has only been married once, so yes his children are half Filipino.

[RCharter]

Mark reminds me of the type of guy who does naked yoga outside while the sun is rising. 

only if the ladies are extra lucky!!

[hunneytot]

This hasn't really manifested itself yet (except with Nikki's pouting), but I wonder how much Mark understands about Filipino relationship dynamics and how it might impact his marriages. I was talking to a Filipina friend of mine (from Baltimore, no less) about this show, and she explained to me the concept of tampo-- or "the silent treatment". Basically, if you hurt a Filipina's feelings, they will feel they have "lost face", and since they do not like to confront people openly, they will start the silent treatment, which usually lasts for days. The man is supposed to respond with reassurances and apologies, called lambing. Eventually, she will give in, especially if you buy her a gift. It's an intricate dance, well-established in their culture, but well not understood (or tolerated) by those who aren't in the know. I doubt that Mark has the emotional intelligence to learn about it and how to either play the game or to explain that he's not willing to play the game. We will see. It even has its own Wikipedia entry. Sort of fascinating. I would love to see if this becomes a issue. I dearly wish that Mark and Nikki had way more air time, because what's going on with them can't be caught in a couple of five-minute segments each week.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo

This is extremely interesting and explains a lot! I have an aunt who is Filipino (K1 visa) and she is like this all the time. We kind of joke about how moody she is, now I know why lol.

[ParkCirclegirl]

Does he just have one of those faces?  Because I think I know him, too. 

Are you in the Baltimore area? 

[WhoAmIReally]

Close, and I used to date a musician who works a lot in the area and played with pianists.  Now I feel dirty. 

[ParkCirclegirl]

I want to see Nikki help Mark load one of his baby grand pianos on to a truck and deliver it to a job...oy, the fussing he would do!

[WhoAmIReally]

I want to see Nikki help Mark load one of his baby grand pianos on to a truck and deliver it to a job...oy, the fussing he would do!

 

Yeah, he must have it down to a science after 40 years.  She would just get in the way and piss him off.  I can see it now:  they're at a crucial moment when you have to transfer it to a vehicle (I don't know how) and she whines:  "Marrrrrrrrk.  Do you loooove me?  I'm boooored."  She then lets go of the strap or pulley or whatever and the piano crashes to the ground.  "Marrrrrk.  Come hug meeeee."  "Marrrrk?  What are you doing?  What is that in your hand?"  Wrench descends.  Shallow grave.  World safe again for womankind as Mark is led away.

 

Disclaimer:  This is my imagination only.  No fiancees were harmed in this scenario, nor do I wish them to be.

Edited November 14, 2015 by WhoAmIReally

[pollywood]

That's how 19 year-old girls ARE to varying degrees. He should know that by now! I mean he was in his mid-40s the last time he was married to one.

[locomoco]

That's how 19 year-old girls ARE to varying degrees. He should know that by now! I mean he was in his mid-40s the last time he was married to one.

He just had a 19 year-old in his house a few years ago...

[pollywood]

I was thinking about that too,but since he wasn't romantically involved with his daughter I decided to not mention that.

[WhoAmIReally]

That's how 19 year-old girls ARE to varying degrees. He should know that by now! I mean he was in his mid-40s the last time he was married to one.

 

He filed for divorce in 1996 and it was granted in 1998, so he would have been 39 when they split up.  According to court records, she would have been around 36.  Surprisingly, he married someone who was age-appropriate the first time.

Edited November 14, 2015 by WhoAmIReally

[pollywood]

Apologies for my math error, but I thought his first wife was around the same age as Nikki and that they hadn't been married but for a few years, long enough to have babies.

[WhoAmIReally]

Apologies for my math error, but I thought his first wife was around the same age as Nikki and that they hadn't been married but for a few years, long enough to have babies.

 

I'm not sure how long they were married.  They had the last baby around 20 years ago (wasn't Elise around 20?), so that would be the year before they split up, making the wife around 34/35.  They had three kids before that (I think one was a set of twins), so I'm guessing she was in her mid-to-late 20's when they got married? Just a guess.  Not sure how spread out the babies were. 

 

It is very strange to me why he picked such a young one this time.  He doesn't want more kids, and he seems to want someone with some emotional maturity, yet he falls for a teen?  I guess it could be the typical mid-life thing (wasn't he 55 when he met Nikki?) where he finds someone who makes him feel alive and head-over-heels giddy and isn't really thinking with his head.  Maybe she's the only viable one who contacted him when he went to the Phillippines on his wife hunt?  Also, she's not burdened with children, as an older woman might be.  I do not know.  I can understand the infatuation part, but not how he could suppose that she would be a suitable companion for his golden years. How could he not be bored?  It's clearly not an extremely sexual relationship, so he didn't bring her over as a sex toy.

[cooksdelight]

he finds someone who makes him feel alive and head-over-heels giddy and isn't really thinking with his head.

Well.... not the one attached to his neck, anyway.....

I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure the daughter is now 22, the next son is 23 and the twins are 25.

[pollywood]

I assumed his first wife was around Nikki's age, given his tendencies to try and recreate his first wife with her. I haven't seen the latest episode but it sounds like Mark is trying to do exactly that more and more regardless of what Nikki wants or needs.

[deltaburkefan]

He probably figured that if he got someone young enough, he could mold her into Dream Wife.

But really, he should have found someone his age who was in the same stage of life.

[WhoAmIReally]

I think Mark was trying to find someone very different from his first wife.  He bought her in the same place, true, but this time he chose a teenager vs an adult his own age and someone who claimed she didn't want children vs one who popped out four.  I think this means he wanted someone he could turn into someone as different from his first wife as possible.  He's pretty clear about what he wants:  someone who can keep herself occupied, not spend all his money, be a good companion, and not have kids.  Personally, if I made if clear from Day One that I didn't want kids, and then someone changed their mind (after conveniently being brought here and surviving on my dime), I'd be furious, especially if I was planning a peaceful retirement.  I also agree he's somewhere on the autism spectrum.

[GracieK]

This hasn't really manifested itself yet (except with Nikki's pouting), but I wonder how much Mark understands about Filipino relationship dynamics and how it might impact his marriages.  I was talking to a Filipina friend of mine (from Baltimore, no less) about this show, and she explained to me the concept of tampo-- or "the silent treatment".  Basically, if you hurt a Filipina's feelings, they will feel they have "lost face", and since they do not like to confront people openly, they will start the silent treatment, which usually lasts for days.  The man is supposed to respond with reassurances and apologies, called lambing.  Eventually, she will give in, especially if you buy her a gift.  It's an intricate dance, well-established in their culture, but well not understood (or tolerated) by those who aren't in the know.  I doubt that Mark has the emotional intelligence to learn about it and how to either play the game or to explain that he's not willing to play the game.  We will see.  It even has its own Wikipedia entry.  Sort of fascinating.  I would love to see if this becomes a issue.  I dearly wish that Mark and Nikki had way more air time, because what's going on with them can't be caught in a couple of five-minute segments each week.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo

 

After watching the last episode I think this could be a big part of what was going on.  She commented that he didn't come ask how she was the day before, several days into being "moody"... which consisted of locking herself in the bedroom for days and not really talking to him.  He clearly doesn't understand this cultural dynamic with Filipina women.. I know I sure didn't until I read your post.  The difference is I don't focus my long term relationships and marriage expectations on that one particular culture as he has chosen to.  I mean he claims he prefers Filipina women because of their marriage and family values, but when it comes down to it, clearly doesn't understand their cultures and values at all.  And doesn't care because it doesn't fit into his idea of happiness.  As he pointed out he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life "living someone else's dream".  That is just a sick and selfish attitude, and truly highlights that he targets Filipina women from impoverished areas because it gives him control of the situation and the ability to dictate every aspect of their lives in the manner in which HE prefers.  

Edited November 16, 2015 by GracieK

[Toaster Strudel]

 He's pretty clear about what he wants:  someone who can keep herself occupied, not spend all his money, be a good companion, and not have kids.

 

And that's never going to be a teenager. 

 

I do agree about "not spend ANY of his money" except a car that HE wants and can try to disguise as a gift for her.

 

No one should expect a 19 yr old to make a decision/commitment not to have children.  Even if a 19 yr old says they don't want children... she is barely out of childhood... as a 60 yr-old he knows she has 20 years of potential childbearing years... how can he even think she has the life experience to make this decision now?

 

He is a fool.

 

Edited November 16, 2015 by Toaster Strudel

[WhoAmIReally]

No one should expect a 19 yr old to make a decision/commitment not to have children.  Even if a 19 yr old says they don't want children... she is barely out of childhood... as a 60 yr-old he knows she has 20 years of potential childbearing years... how can he even think she has the life experience to make this decision now?

 

He is a fool.

 

Totally agree with you there--he is a fool, but a deal's a deal, especially when there clearly is no love involved on either side.  Sure, there's puppy love and gratitude (I hope) on her side, and infatuation (now over) on his side, but no real love between equals.  You need adult equal love to care enough about each other's wants and needs.  Not happening here.  He wants what he paid for. 

[deltaburkefan]

At nearly 60, he should understand what a 19-year-old wants now in regards to children may not be what they're going to feel in ten years' time. I didn't want children at all at 19. And now he's telling her that she needs to make up her mind about this major life decision by the time the 90 days are up. If he had found a 29-year-old woman, I would say yes, it would be fair to judge her for saying she was cool with not having children and then backtracking. But not when you're dealing with someone who is still literally a teenager.

Edited November 16, 2015 by deltaburkefan

[Toaster Strudel]

She may not want children with him at all... but somewhere she might have been deeply hurt by the raw selfishness that his harsh stance was oozing.  He was nasty about it.  She might have also felt some pain and rejection, more than having some desire to procreate with him thwarted.

[Cherrio]

I think Mark's goal is to do over his first marriage with Nicki.   He has everything planned out so this time it all goes HIS WAY.    Because, it is all about Mark.

       Same sheets, he probably saved those matching shirts, took that silly car out of storage. 

        No one is ever supposed to say no to Mark or not do something HIS WAY.    

 

       Nikki is just a body to him, who is only supposed to do what he wants.   

 

         She made her first mistake touching his windows.  Since then both of them are obviously unhappy. She is because she knows she is living with a sick and twisted old geezer.  (I am old, so I am allowed to say that :)  He is unhappy because he has had a very detailed plan and it is not going well.

                    Doesn't matter where you go Mark or how young or old the women are......we all find you gross !

[TPE-331]

Nikki is a very nice young lady that deserves much better. I would love for my son who is about to turn 20 to give me some grandkids in a few years. Cmon Nikki, hurry up and get that green card, my son is waiting to meet you! 

[AussieBabe]

He pissed me off with his stance of not wanting to spend his quality years helping somebody else achieve their dreams. He is a selfish little man, and his ex-wife should still be dancing and thanking the lucky stars that she left all those years ago and is free of him. I'm willing to bet he probably said something like that to her. They had four children, but they were together from at least 87-96--when he filed for divorce. I'm not buying that she just changed overnight. Chances are her dreams didn't line up with his or the ones he wanted for her, and she left. Hard stances like his don't just come one day. He's been set in his ways. Until he learns to take another person's needs into consideration, he'll continue to strike out in the relationship department.

He reminds me of someone with autism or even Aspergers. He might be on the spectrum. It wouldn't surprise me. Everything is black and white to him. There's no in between. He isn't keen on change or straying from the norm. It has to be his way. He carved out a role and a place for Nikki to fit in, but he doesn't realise that she's a real human being with wants, needs, and opinions. No need for growth or change even though she's only 19. I guess he thought she'd just be a doll and was placed in his life to be his PYT and arm candy.

[Bunky]

As he pointed out he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life "living someone else's dream".

I couldn't believe he said that. He is a creepy monster and that comment he made solidified all of my suspicions about him and his motives. Run, Nikki, run! I hope she goes back to the Phillipines.

I was thinking about these two over the weekend while raking leaves (I may have a problem) and it seems to me that he is not only attempting a "do-over" of his previous relationship but I also think there is something even more disgusting going on. It's almost like he's trying to replace his daughter with his new bride. Elise is darling and I hope she moves far away from Mark. So majorly skeevy.

[KarmaG]

He's pretty clear about what he wants:  someone who can keep herself occupied, not spend all his money, be a good companion, and not have kids.  Personally, if I made if clear from Day One that I didn't want kids, and then someone changed their mind (after conveniently being brought here and surviving on my dime), I'd be furious, especially if I was planning a peaceful retirement.  I also agree he's somewhere on the autism spectrum.

 

But here's the problem, even he admits to telling her there was a chance, even at 2%, and this gave her hope.