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Quotes: "Do I Look Like a One-Handed Pirate with a Pistol?"

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If anyone has suggestions for a better subtitle, post them here and we can have the mod change it later.

Quotes from S03.E15: Quiet Minds:

Hook: I will stay here with you. I'm surprisingly good at research.
Belle: You...wil stay with...me?
Emma: He'll protect you if the witch comes.
Belle: You do know he tried to kill me.
Hook: Well, there were extenuating circumstances.
Belle: Twice?
Hook: ...Sorry?
Emma: You really know how to charm a girl, don't you?

Neal: You think there's magic in here?
Belle: No, something better than magic - books!

Zelena: That son of his? Dumber than a box of hair.

Hook: Thought you could use some sustenance.
Neal: Nothing like a green blob to get the appetite going.
Hook: Well, I gather it has great medicinal properties.

Robin: Is this magical?
Regina: Not exactly, but it is a liquid that can conjure courage, give strength, or even act as a love potion of sorts. It's called whiskey and no, it's not magical - especially the next day.

Neal: Was it serious?
Emma: He proposed. And then he turned into a flying monkey.
Neal: Sounds intense.
Emma: Go ahead and laugh. I almost married a monster from Oz. It's hilarious.
Neal: I almost married a minion of my evil grandfather Peter Pan so I know what you're saying.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Mary Margaret:  Are you sure that Cora didn't booby-trap her stuff?  I mean, I don't think that a sleeping curse would be good for the baby.

What really made this one was the delivery.

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Hook: Perhaps I could talk to [Henry].

Emma: About what? Leather conditioner and eyeliner?

Zelena: Out of my way, munchkin.

Sneezy: I'm a dwarf.

Zelena: That's even worse.

Zelena: Sorry, dear. I don't dance with amateurs.

Emma: I'm not an amateur. I'm the savior.

Zelena: It appears someone's got an inflated sense of self-worth.

Regina: You can't steal something that's been given to you.

And this line was so minor but it cracked me up:

My Miata!

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Hook: What did I tell you, mates? You don't need a ship to be a pirate!

Smee: Captain, I agree with you. This place has its bright spots. I have never tried anything quite like frozen yogurt before.

Mary Margaret: Where have you been? We thought you'd been turned into a monkey!

Ariel: A monkey? No, I'm a girl that turns into a fish.

Hook: You want to know the secret to winning?

Henry: Practice?

Hook: No, my boy, loaded dice.

Henry: That's cheating.

Hook: Only if you get caught.

Regina: While we're here, who's looking after Henry? The Uncharmings?

Regina: [Hook]'s prone to violence, impulsive, and has a hook for a hand. What about him would a 12 year old boy not like?

Emma: What language is this, Spanish?

Regina: We're not making tapas. We're making magic. It's Elvish.

Ariel: Trudge, trudge, trudge. If you ask me, there's nothing more boring than land travel.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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(from episode 3x17 The Jolly Roger)

Smee: I got to say, it's good to be at your side again, sir, and... not as a rat.
Hook: Well, that's the lovely side effect of the curse breaking for you, I'd imagine.
Smee: I did like the mobility, but being a human is good too.

David (about instructions for the crib): I've seen enemy battle plans that were easier to decode than this.

Regina: That greenie is clearly one twisted witch.

Regina: This isn't drinking stale coffee at a stakeout or whatever you did as bail bondsperson. (puts hand on her magic tool kit) This is a way of life. You have to fully commit to it.
Emma: Not a problem.

David: Well, if we're not fun, who is?

Hook: Women come and go, Mr. Smee, but a pirate's life ... it's forever.

Regina: The Un-Charmings?

Zelena: My spies are always circling, Captain, through every realm.., always circling.

Zelena: Don't you just love a good twist?

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Zelena: Red apples are so sickly sweet, don't you think? People tend to like something a little sharper.
Regina: And green apples are just bitter.

Regina: If you want your super power to be envy, go right ahead.
Zelena: Envy's just another word for ambition.
Regina: Well, that's just not true.

Regina: What do you have here?
Belle: What do I have here? Self respect. Why on earth or any realm would I help you? The woman who imprisoned me in a tower in her castle then put me in an asylum for twenty eight years, who's done nothing but mentally and physically torture me ever since we've known each other.
Regina: Huh. Bookworm's got teeth.

Regina: Where's the candle?
Belle: Here?
Regina: Not that, Liberace.

Emma: I'd watch out for the apples in this house.

David: Emma, would you please tell your mother that we are not going to name your brother Leopold?
Mary Margaret: Why not? It was my father's name!
David: People will make fun of him.
Mary Margaret: My father was a king.
David: Which is why nobody made fun of him.
Hook: ...

Regina: You officially have a less damaging relationship with my mother than I do - and you killed her.

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Hope it's okay, that I add some of my own thoughts to the quotes ;-) For entertainment

(from episode 3x18 Bleeding Through)

Zelena: Red apples are so sickly sweet, don't you think? People tend to like something ... a little sharper.
Regina: And green apples are just... bitter.
(and I suggest bittersweet and to make cider)

Regina: That's not yours.
Zelena: Story of my life.
(true sisterly love)

Zelena: 'Envy' is just another word for 'ambition'.
(the power of positive thinking)

Zelena: You cast a curse that was just a fancy form of running away.
(that's what boring kids do)

Belle: Why on earth or any realm would I help you?
(evil charm, maybe?)

Regina: Bookworm's got teeth.
(Have to chew things through somehow. And chew over them)

Cora: Someone once told me to act like what you plan to be, so I try to be a little better than what I am.
(nice try)

Emma: I'd watch out for the apples in this house.
(protect and serve, the job of a sheriff)

David: I prefer Earl Grey
(talking like a Captain)

Emma: The dark what?
(just some stupid magical gimmick of course, don't worry, just stay away from it)

Rumple: I'm not your doll.
Zelena: Aren't you?
(Living in a dollhouse... No, that would be a different show, but they did some brain tinkering there)

Regina: Focus on Cora
Hook: Welcoming thoughts?
Regina: Whatever you got.
(Cora loves any respectful attention)

Regina: Do not ignore me now, mother.
(Wouldn't be the first time though)

Hook: Sorry love. That was me. I crossed my legs and bumped the table.
(just the table, right. and back to maintext)

Cora: You lied to me. You took my heart, my virtue, my... my good name.
(you know the thing with good girls go to heaven, but bad girls everywhere, right?)

Regina: I'm not in the mood for a heart-to-heart
Snow: I'm not sure that's physically possible right now.
(Think, Regina is starting to rub off on her stepdaughter.)

Cora: There it was, my oldest night dress. The boys tied it to the top of the windmill, it's flapping in the wind for the whole village to see, and I am the maddest little 8-year old you ever saw.
Leopold: Did you ever get revenge for that?
Cora: That's a long-term plan.
(now we now the true reason for everything Cora did)

Leopold: You're wonderful... And cold.
(just talking about temperature here, not temperament. And then they fire it off together *coughs* back to maintext)

Cora: What's the use of having power if you can't choose who to wed?
(unfortunate powerless royals...)

Emma: Boom! Granny's to go. I should open a franchise.
(One for me with dark chocolate and plenty of cinnamon, please)

Hook: That's bad form, Swan... Tampering with a man's hook.
(reading just maintext, I promise, no tampering here with minds, no, never. but the belle that interrupts... okay, hush, this is a family show)

Zelena (to Rumple): You should have a woman dress you more often.
(don't let that Belle hear)

Rumple: I wonder how much civility I'll be asked to endure before this evening's true purpose is revealed.
Zelena: Relax. You know I'm not one for subtelty.
Rumple: Oh, how lucky for me.
(she does things so straight away)

Rumple: Time travel spells have been written since the dawn of the dark arts but never cast. It's against the fundamental laws of magic.
(but since the dawn of the story telling arts no one cares if it makes a crazy good story)

Zelena: Magic doesn't fail. People fail. Laws only exist until they're broken by someone... superior.
(tiny bit of hubris)

Cora (to Jonathan): You must have the brain of the size of a pixie to show your face in this kingdom.
(He has a brain?)

Eva (to Cora): You only love yourself.
(true assessment)

Belle: I mean, brains, courage, a resilient heart... Those ingredients are in every time-travel spell I've found.
(and the flux capacitor)

Emma: Wait, I thought our family were the good guys.
Regina: Life is to messy for it to ever be that simple.
(It's more a matter of perspective)

Hook: It's a good thing no one has ever succeeded with this time travel nonsense
(No one, really? Why do you look so guilty, Hook?)

Cora: Life is cruel and full of betrayal. That is my only lesson for you. Now I must give you away... To give me my best chance. As long as I have you I can never be anything more than a Miller's daughter.
(mother of the year)

Rumple: Never on the first date, eh, dearie?
(never, and I am not going to speculate up what Bruno Bettelheim might have seen in the dagger of the Dark One fairy tale, no, stick to maintext)

Snow: Apparently the human body has a surprising tolerance for ghost possession. And he told me I have a tough placenta, which somehow came out creepy.
(You think? And you had a one night stand with that doctors of yours, but likely you don't remember)

Regina: You officially have a less damaging relationship with my mother than I do. And you killed her.
(Regina tried first though)

Regina: Well, we.. we can never know our past completely. If we had, I probably wouldn't have spent so much time trying to kill you.
Snow: Well, we would've found something to fight about. I was such a brat
(afterall, it's drama, we need a story, sparks, explosions, flying somewhats, the whole big deal)

Snow: I think we've wasted our last day being haunted by the past.
Regina: Now we can focus on being haunted by our impending lack of a future.
(always optimist vs always pessimist, and someday one happy family)

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Snow: It's happening again. I'm about to give birth and an evil sorceress is threatening the future of my child.
Regina: To be fair, the first time I was threatening you. Everyone else just became collateral damage.
Grumpy: Remind me again why we forgave her.
Regina: Because I'm helping!


Grumpy: Wait, you want to sneak into Rumpel's castle where he's being held captive by the Wicked Witch? My name's Grumpy, not Stupid.


Mary Margaret: Regina, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you look smitten.
Regina: If I didn't know any better, I'd say Haagen-Dazs is smitten with your stomach. Can we get started?
Emma: We were waiting for Hook.
Regina: I don't have time to wait for the handless wonder.


Zelena: Such pretty lips. And so wasted. Why haven't you used those luscious lips and kissed Emma?
Hook: Well, a fellow likes to be courted.


Regina: That arrow almost took off my head!
Robin: Well that door almost took off your arm. Where I come from, a simple "thank you" would suffice.
Regina: Where you come from, people bathe in the river and use pine cones for money.


David: Why do women keep their shoeboxes?
Mary Margaret; Because after true love, there is no more powerful magic than footwear.

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David [gives Snow a flower]: For luck.

Regina: [glares]

Snow: What?

Regina: We are at the edge of the Dark Forest, trying to find the one person who can stop our imminent doom and save your unborn child...and you two stop to smell the roses???

Snow: Snow bells!


Regina: What is that supposed to be?

David: Well...it appears to be...a door.

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(episode 3x19 A Curious Thing)


Regina (about Robin Hood): He's a thief, which means he's not to be trusted.4


Regina: It's the belief. Henry... he needs to believe. In this new life... he doesn't. We have to get him to believe again.
Emma: So, what? We put on a magic show?


Hook: We're in Storybrooke. You've even heard of a telephone?


Rumple: Rumple Dumple isn't here. Rumple Dumple gone, my dear.


David: A book can't disappear.
Snow: But it can just appear.


Regina (to Snow): What do you say, we go check your closet?


Henry: ... and if I'm gonna be a prisoner, I'd like to have my game boy.


Hook(to Henry): You're in quite a rush to go nowhere.


Regina: We're at the edge of the Dark Forest, trying to find the one person, who can stop our imminent doom and save your unborn child. And you two stop to smell the roses?
Snow: Snowbells!
Regina: I don't care if they're dancing daffodils! I need to destroy my sister, and so do you.


Regina: What's that supposed to be?
David: Well, it appears to be... a door... that leads to nowhere.


Regina: A portal with a cheap cloaking spell.


Hook: Henry, this is a friend of mine, Mr. Smee
Henry: Like for Peter Pan?
Smee: You... you remember?
Henry: I've seen the movie a million times.


Regina: I never liked pets.


Emma: Then I need you to believe.
Henry: Believe in what?
Emma: Believe in magic.
Henry: From a book?
Emma: It's more than just a book.


David: We've always shared one heart. It'll only grow stronger when you look at that baby's face and see the love I have for you in its eyes.
Snow: I've loved you since the first moment I saw you.
David: And I'll love you until my last.


Zelena: I may not be able to stop it, but that doesn't mean I can't spice it up a bit. How does a forgetting potion sound?


Zelena: Pay attention, sis. This is how you take away a happy ending.

Edited by katusch
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Emma: What is [Hook] going to do? I have magic! He has one hand!
Hook: I'm good in a fight.
Charming: At the very least he can draw fire.
Hook: What, now I'm cannon fodder?


Emma: The next time you try to take my power away, try enchanting the lips of someone I'll actually kiss.


Regina: Evil isn't born. It's made. So is good.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Emma: What am I Marty McFly?

Hook: Marty who?

Emma: You know, with the flames and the Delorean and the...

Hook: Is he a wizard or something?

(Apologies for not getting all the words right, it's still spinning)

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David: There's sort of this tradition. Back in the Enchanted Forest when a new royal was born, you usually announce the name at a coronation ceremony.

Emma: You're not going to hold him up in front of the clock tower and present him like the Lion King, are you?


Emma: Are you sure you want the first thing he knows to be that his parents fell in love during an armed robbery?

Mary Margaret: I wasn't armed!

Red: Except with a rock.

David: I still have the scar.

Mary Margaret: Which healed!


David: Stupid Beta Max. We could use an upgrade.


Emma: That's Regina.

Hook: Not Regina, love. The Evil Queen.

Emma: She's even worse without the sensible pantsuits.


Hook: The point is to minimize you making a lasting impression and sadly red leather jackets don't come into vogue here EVER.


Rumpel: Why haven't I killed [Hook]?
Hook: If it makes you feel any better, it wasn't for lack of effort.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Emma: You and I both know I'm his type.


Emma: I have a confession to make.

Hook: Most women do.


Midas: Greetings. I am King Midas, father of the bride. Who do I have the honor to welcome into my home?

Hook: I am...I'm Prince, uh...

Emma: Charles. Prince Charles. And I'm Princess...Leia.


Charming: Would you care to dance?

Abigail: My feet are killing me. If only I'd thought to wear my comfortable shoes.


Hook: What the hell are you doing? You're depriving me of a dashing rescue!

Emma: Sorry, the only one who saves me is me.


Regina: I didn't think you were dumb enough to sneak back into your own home, but then again I suppose you were dumb enough to lose it.


Hook: What if she had a child who grows into a mass murderer or she gets tipsy some night and rides a horse into the dwarves and there's only six of them?


Hook: At least [Rumpel] did us one favor - I'm devilishly handsome again.

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Henry: What are you guys doing in bed? It's the middle of the afternoon.

Mary Margaret: The trip back was tiring and I needed to rest.

David: And I needed to help her rest.



David: It's impressive that we can still provide her with a few traumatic childhood memories at this stage in the game.

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Since no one else has gone there -

Hook: "When I jab you with my sword, you'll feel it."


Emma: "Seriously? You get my first dance at my first royal ball, and all you can say is 'I told you so?'


Rumple: "What the Hell am I doing in here?"

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Grumpy: Evil snowman! Ruuuuuuuuun!

Kristoff: Easy, Sven. She can't help being bossy.
Elsa: I'm not bossy. I'm the queen.
Kristoff: Isn't that the queen's job, bossing people around?

Sidney: I can probably tell you if you're wearing too much eye makeup, but change fate? That is beyond my powers of reflection.


[sleepy hits a pothole]

Grumpy: Easy, Walter, easy. She needs to be treated gently.

Sleepy: You made me designated driver. I'm gonna drive how I like.

Grumpy: No beer is worth this.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Henry: What do you suppose babies dream about?

David: Bull fighting.

Emma: Laser tag.


Grumpy: Awww, look at the baby!

Mary Margaret: Thanks!

Grumpy: Is what I'd say if I could look at the baby but I can't. Why? Cause it's dark.

Happy: Know what else we can't look at? The internet, tv, my clock.


Emma: It looks to me like whoever was putting up the wall wasn't trying to take out the lights. They were just putting up the wall.

David: To keep us in - why?

Hook: To kill us all one by one. That's what I'd do.


Hook: I should have brought the champagne to celebrate our second date. And because we've got the world's largest ice bucket.

Emma: Second date? Did I miss the first?

Hook: Aye, snow monster's the first. Ice wall's the second.


David: I think it's time you and I have a little talk about your intentions with my daughter.

Hook: That's a little old fashioned even by my standards and I still pay with doubloons.


Anna: What do you have to lose? You can always give up tomorrow.


Anna: Wow, I was wrong. You really REALLY like to give up.

David: I like to survive.

Anna: That isn't living.

David: It's actually the definition of living.


Granny: Dr. Whale.

Grumpy: He's a doctor, not an electrician! (damn it!)


Grumpy: I'm grumpy now. Imagine me in the morning without a coffee maker.

Happy: Or a computer or stop lights, TV, DVD, CD, DVR, DVD.

Mary Margaret: Stop saying letters!


Mary Margaret: You have survived your entire lives without light bulbs. Buy a flashlight!


Elsa: Were you born with magic or cursed?

Emma: Those are my two options?


Mary Margaret: Baby high five!


Anna: I love sandwiches!

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Elsa: Why are your compliments so aggravating?

Robin: In our world, the flavor choices of ice were dirt and mud.

Regina: Between the snow monster and the cave in, it seems like the savior needs saving these days.

Elsa: Maybe [Emma] feels the same way about pirates as you do about magic.

Hook: I've worked to change although being a pirate isn't necessarily a bad thing, particularly a charming one like meself.

Elsa: I think your self appreciation is blinding you to a simple fact. This isn't about you. This is about her.

Elsa: What do you think it says?

Kristoff: Dangerous urn! Keep away! Just a guess.

Hans: This is the man she's to marry?

Kristoff: In fairness, I never tried to kill her.

Hans: I didn't try to kill her. I left her to die.

Kristoff: Important distinction.

Hook: Swan, don't make a man drink alone!

Emma: I'm not in the mood for a drink or a man.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Emma: I don't pillage and plunder on the first date, just so you know.

Hook: Well that's because you haven't been out with me yet.


Gold: Oh, I see. Blackmail brings out the romantic in you.


Elsa: Is that just the corset? Where's the rest of it?


Hook: You look stunning, Swan.

Emma: You look...

Hook: I know.


Emma: So what do I call you now? Captain Hand?


Emma: We'd better get out of here before David gives you the overprotective dad speech.

Hook: Well you can spare yourself the trouble, mate. I assure you your daughter couldn't be in better hands,

Emma: That's exactly what worries me, especially now that you have two of them.


Rumpel: Whatever it takes? I love it when they say that!


Anna: We have to find him! You have to change him back!

Rumpel: Oh, but I can't, dearie.

Anna: Why?

Rumpel: Because I don't want to!


Apprentice: Every dark one tries and every one fails.

Gold: Might be time to update the motto.


Emma: You want to tell me why you broke into the library?

Knave: What? Oh, that's what that place was? I just thought it was a poorly stocked pub.

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Not sure if this is exact, but it made me laugh:


Snow: I'm married to the sheriff.

Will: You're married to the blond?

Snow: No, that's my daughter. I'm married to the other sheriff.

Will: What, now?

Edited by Writing Wrongs
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Will: Oy, somebody's forgotten about me dinner! I'll have the bangers and mash.

Emma: You had the water and pop tart.


Regina: Please tell me you found her.

Sidney: And which "her" would that be? Snow White? Maid Marian? Emma Swan? It's so hard to keep track of her majesty's nemeses.


Will: I screwed up. It happens to the best of us.

Mary Margaret: Not really.

Will: Well it happens to the best of us when we have a touch too much to drink.


Emma: I'm an idiot.

Regina: Finally something we can agree on!

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Anna: I'm a good judge of character.

Kristoff: Yeah, says the girl who agreed to marry Hans ten minutes after you started talking to him.


Kristoff: You know I'll support you no matter what - unless I think it's really dumb.


Robin: I was hoping we could talk.

Regina: In case you hadn't noticed, I'm about to storm an evil ice cream truck.


Regina: It's bad enough I'm stuck with you and Captain Guyliner making eyes at each other.


Guy: You want to find trolls? You know they're dangerous, ja?

Belle: Oh, no no no. Rock trolls, not bridge trolls.

Guy: Oh ja, they're quite nice.


Robin: I can't help think you're avoiding me.

Regina: Not very well, it seems.


Anna: Sometimes the answer isn't one you want.

Belle: Which is what?

Anna: One that makes you feel better.


Belle: A hero always helps strangers.

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Elsa: Can you read this?

Emma: Elvish? No, I didn't even see Lord of the Rings.


Regina: Well look at you all dressed up. What's the occasion?

Henry: I'm getting married.


Snow Queen: Family isn't about blood. It is a bond far stronger than mere genetics.


Belle: Hey, stop! Do not look in that thing! It will make you see the worst in yourself.

Hook: It must be broken. I've been staring at it all day and I think I'm even more devilishly handsome and charming than usual.


Robin: Did I ever tell you about how I met Marian?
Will: Only about three dozen times.

Robin: I stole her father's horse.

Will: Three dozen and one.


Will: Mate, if you find someone you love enough to ruin your entire life for, it's always worth it.


Gold: I am going to give you a potion that possesses the power to transform something old into something new.

Henry: What kind of potion is that?

Gold: Furniture polish.


Rumplestiltskin: Twu wuv comes in many forms but the sisterly bond - worth its weight in magic.


Snow Queen: You want, in short, what all villains want.

Gold: And what's that?

Snow Queen: Everything.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Hook: Great. Should we send Sneezy after her? Or Happy? Which is the dwarf she despises?


Regina: This could be the worst idea you ever had. And you hired the Wicked Witch as your nanny.


Regina: You get a quarter from the Hope Commission every time you say that word. Admit it.


Robin Hood: Any book we want is hardly going to be stuck beside The Cat in the Hat. Why would a cat want a hat?

Will Scarlet: I've seen stranger.

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Elsa: You'd think a big yellow driving machine would be easier to find.

Hook: Perhaps she doesn't want to be found - since, you know, that's what she bloody told us.


Elsa: Chocolate fondue goes there, chocolate toast, chocolate julekake, and chocolate ice cream. Or is ice cream too obvious?


Regina: Do you know what I regret most?

David: Countless innocent lives you destroyed?


Regina: If you do good hoping to be redeemed, is that really good?

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I'm hoping someone with closed captioning capabilities can help me out here. When Killian is leaving his message for Emma in the pawn shop, does he say:

"And I'm sorry. But I hope you never forgive me, because that means you'll get this in time to save yourself."

Or does he say:

"And I'm sorry. But I hope you can ever forgive me, because that means you'll get this in time to save yourself."

I know it's a minor detail, but it actually makes the sentence take on a slightly different meaning depending on which one he uses. I keep seeing the "you never forgive me" quote on the Tumblrs, but I could have sworn he mumbled "you can ever forgive me" in the show.

Edited by Curio
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Snow Queen - "I can probably even defeat you and decorate this place with your bones. Shall we try?"


That was delivered in such a perfectly delicious manner. It isn't often that the Dark One gets threatened and one can take it seriously.

Edited by kili
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