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Alyssa and John: Lunch with Lurch

Meredith Quill

By Meredith Quill
in Bringing Up Bates

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Notabug
Notabug

My nephew drowned in a swimming pool when he was 5.  Just thinking about Alyssa's kids living in a home where their parents are doing virtually nothing to protect them against accidental drowning is m

Meow Mix
Meow Mix

I'm so tired of people who have never darkened the door of a public school pontificating about what teachers do and don't do.  I have several friends who are teachers and they work their butts off to

crazy8s
crazy8s

My son and DIL are college educated people working real jobs and are somehow incapable of buying their 5 children shoes or winter boots that fit. We took it on ourselves, as the grandparents, to buy t

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Dimi1

Dimi1

Alyssa posted a pic of her and one the kids on IG..I would link..but I am not techy....but I she looks severely depressed...I went and looked at pictures of her before she had Rhett..the difference is noticeable...her eyes look dead now..she looks fatigued and so flat...maybe its PPD..if so I hope she gets help...Her face is puffy and she is not and has not been put together ..ie make up and hair...since before the baby boy...I think I remember her saying she has not bounced back fitness wise after this pregnancy like she had  with the others...not shaming her!! as 5 kids -- 5 little kids at that , has to be overwhelming...but overall to me she seems depressed...not ruling out health issues either...as I know she has a past history of blood and heart stuff. -- 5 kids in such a short amount of time would take a toll on any woman physically and mentally...

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Dimi1

Dimi1

28 minutes ago, floridamom said:

Sorry to read about Alyssa's seemingly difficult time but it's her own fault. 

I don't know...I think she is a product of her upbringing and ignorant..can she really make an informed decision , when her choices are based on the knowledge she received from her upbringing? Her parents and Gothard? And then as a child going right into John's arms. I personally think she never had a chance. And even is she has the knowledge now ..or even a glimmer of knowledge ,,,that there is another way...what can she do with a patriarchal husband who rules the home and the purse strings...she is trapped...comepletely...just look at anna dugger..

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Natalie68

Natalie68

(edited)
19 hours ago, floridamom said:

Sorry to read about Alyssa's seemingly difficult time but it's her own fault. 

I must be an asshole because I don't feel bad for her.  She had a front row seat to birth-a-palooza and still went there.  

 

*ok, I do feel bad for her if she is experiencing post partum depression.  I don't wish that on anyone.  I hope she takes this sign seriously.  STOP THE BABY TRAIN!

Edited by Natalie68
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Salacious Kitty

Salacious Kitty

4 minutes ago, BetyBee said:

I'd really like to see this picture. I haven't seen one where Alyssa looks so worn out. She looked ok in their trick or treat photos. Maybe the golden boy doesn't sleep well? 

It's her most recent IG post holding the Golden Penis.

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BitterApple

BitterApple

From everything I've read, it takes years to overcome religious abuse. I don't think it's quite so easy to say "I'll stop at two or three" when your worth is tied to how many kids you can pop out. 

I saw the pictures and I agree, Alyssa looks exhausted and dead-eyed. She's talked about having a hard transition from four to five, so maybe Rhett isn't the easiest baby. She's also said she works crazy hard to lose baby weight and I can't help but wonder if that's a big part of her problem. If she's over-exercising and calorie restricting, that'll wear you out pretty quickly. FWIW, I don't know why she stresses over it. She's height/weight proportionate and doofy John couldn't land anyone as hot on his best day, so he's not going anywhere. 

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3 is enough

3 is enough

(edited)

Wow. She looks over it. I’m sure going from four to five was hard, and not only is it possible that Rhett is not an easy baby, but Maci seems to be less independent than her sisters were at that age. She still has a pacifier and her sisters did not. 
But I bet the thing that bothers Alyssa the most is that she has not been able to get back into to her size XS clothes. As @BitterApple pointed out, she probably is overdoing the dieting and exercise which is adding to her exhaustion.  Unfortunately after having 5 babies in 8 years she may never get back to her pre-baby figure. She looks fine to me but she may be the type who can’t stand going from an XS to  a small.

Edited by 3 is enough
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BetyBee

BetyBee

12 hours ago, Salacious Kitty said:

It's her most recent IG post holding the Golden Penis.

She's usually holding him in pictures. I'm sorry I still haven't seen what so many see. Oh well, I guess it isn't easy to bounce back from 5 pregnancies. Especially for a young woman with a heart condition. I hope they're done, so she can recover and stay healthy so she can enjoy the children she has. And her own life!

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BetyBee

BetyBee

Just now, AstridM said:

I feel so sorry for her daughters with that as a role model 😪

I do too. It's a terrible bar to set for children. I've seen firsthand how that bar can mess with a person's body image. 

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BitterApple

BitterApple

Not sure if you guys saw this, but Alyssa posted for her birthday and it's something. I wonder what she meant by "different life circumstances and shifts in relationships." Is she talking about her family or local friends? I can understand that the time around her birthday would be bittersweet due to the loss of her grandmother, but dreading the day is a bit extreme. It seems like there's a lot going on behind the scenes, aside from being overwhelmed with motherhood. 

 

Screenshot_20231109-142830_(1).thumb.png.0ca136b5e37a0c1b14e21d7109ffe394.png

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3 is enough

3 is enough

I saw it too. Wonder if some of her local “sweet friends” got fed up with always helping out and never getting any help in return.  
I don’t think there is any rift between Alyssa and her siblings- possibly something is going on with John’s family. 

Or maybe she is having a much harder time adjusting to 5 kids than she is letting on.
 

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GeeGolly

GeeGolly

Maybe some of her FL friends have shifted away. I imagine some of her mom friends aren't too keen on frequent get togethers. Imagine being mommed out and wanting to go to the park/beach/pool with another mom for a couple of hours. Two moms with say, 2 or 3 kids each, is still a bit of a break when tag teaming. A mom with 2 kids meeting up with a mom of 5, not so much.

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AstridM

AstridM

31 minutes ago, floridamom said:

Alyssa states that she doesn't like being in the limelight??? Then quit these videos and live that private life you say you prefer.

Right? Then fucking stop exploiting yourself and your very young kids for clicks. It’s not difficult. I have no sympathy for this nonsense. 

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ozziemom

ozziemom

58 minutes ago, AstridM said:

Right? Then fucking stop exploiting yourself and your very young kids for clicks. It’s not difficult. I have no sympathy for this nonsense. 

Seems a bit obvious but she’s a Bates after all. I think she took a break from social media for awhile ( I think she claimed Instagram blocked her or some such nonsense) but that didn’t last too long. She probably likes the stuff people send her in the mail and the cash from YouTube too.

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Mahsati

Mahsati

I don't know.   She may have some post partum depression going on.  Its more common with boy babies.  My Mom was so bad that she sent me to stay with my grandmother for a week because she just couldn't cope with a toddler and baby.  She says she basically sat in the bathtub and cried for months.  Doctors back then called it the baby blues and told mothers to 'get over it'.  She really should see a doctor.  She doesn't sound like herself. 

 

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BitterApple

BitterApple

It seems like Alyssa had a lot of expectations tied up in having a boy and the reality has been a bit of a letdown. I'm sure friends and family were genuinely happy for her, but there just isn't going to be as much fanfare for a fifth kid. Not to mention, the sisters who are competitive breeders already had sons, so she's not winning on that front. Also, and forgive me Lord, Rhett's been in an awkward phase for a while. He really isn't one of those babies people will gush over, so perhaps the lack of social media attention is upsetting her as well. 

I know Alyssa claims she doesn't like the spotlight, but let's be real. You aren't showing off your house and matchy-matchy kids on Instagram just for the fun of it. She lives for the validation just as much as her sisters. I do agree she needs professional help. She's been looking run down and depressed for a while. 

 

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3 is enough

3 is enough

(edited)

Even if she is more of an introvert (and I think she is) the lure of free stuff is really hard to pass up, especially given their childhood circumstances. They all learned to grift at a young age.

Looking at the picture that went with the post  you can see how John is focused on Rhett. He went on about how he didn’t know how much he needed a son until he got one. I bet Alyssa is feeling ignored, certainly overwhelmed, and it would not surprise me at all if she does have PPD. 
It’s just really sad all around. You can also see how Zoey  (the middle child) is not thrilled. I feel for the 3 oldest girls. Alyssa is preoccupied with Rhett and Maci and I’m sure they get even less attention.

All of the Bates kids have lasting effects from their childhoods. It makes me so angry that Gil and KellyJo had normal childhood experiences and got educations then turned around and created this epic mess.

Edited by 3 is enough
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GeeGolly

GeeGolly

6 hours ago, AstridM said:

Is it? I’ve never seen statistics like that. 

Yea, no. Studies are all over the place - some say girls, some say boys, some say age, etc.

5 kids is a lot. She could have PPD or she could just be a mom of 5 young children.

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JAYJAY1979

JAYJAY1979

I have relatives still sort of in the fundie world so I did ask them why has there been a surge of fundie lite women vlogging their lives, kids, etc.

Most have told me that in the more conservative fundie world, vlogging is one of the few areas that are acceptable for women to do in order to make income.

So I'm sure Alyssa is overwhelmed with 5 kids under 8, plus suffering from PPD and realizing that her hubby prefers giving attention to the baby boy vs herself and her four daughters.

And I had theory about Maci and still not willing to part with her pacifier.  What if this is her way of maintaining attention from mom?  

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AgathaC

AgathaC

5 hours ago, 3 is enough said:

 Looking at the picture that went with the post  you can see how John is focused on Rhett. He went on about how he didn’t know how much he needed a son until he got one. I bet Alyssa is feeling ignored, certainly overwhelmed, and it would not surprise me at all if she does have PPD. 
It’s just really sad all around. You can also see how Zoey  (the middle child) is not thrilled. I feel for the 3 oldest girls. Alyssa is preoccupied with Rhett and Maci and I’m sure they get even less attention.

All of the Bates kids have lasting effects from their childhoods. It makes me so angry that Gil and KellyJo had normal childhood experiences and got educations then turned around and created this epic mess.

What. An. Ass. (John) That sort of attitude really pisses me off. Great way to insure your daughters grow up with issues. Your girls have value and the first place they should learn that is at home. And it’s probably not great for the marriage either.

Thank God my dad (who has five girls) has a more enlightened attitude.

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65mickey

65mickey

I don't understand the pull to saddle themselves with 5 and 6 kids especially knowing how things were in their home while they were growing up with little attention from parents and not much to go around.  John Webster unlike Evan, Zack and Travis goes to work every day leaving Alyssa home with 5 kids one of whom is a toddler and one is an infant. That would be enough to to wear anyone down. And Alyssa has not bounched back to her pre-pregnancy self and may not get her pre-pregnancy body back. And that might be having an effect on her self image. If I were Alyssa I would tell John that's it no more babies. But unless their husbands tell them that they do not want any more chhildren I don't know if the Bates women are capable of making this choice.

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BitterApple

BitterApple

Alyssa and John released a new Q&A. They were asked if they planned on having more kids and they said "we'll see." Gold stars for everyone who predicted Alyssa would double back on her previous claim that she was done. I imagine it's no longer good enough to have one boy. Now Rhett needs a brother. 

 

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GeeGolly

GeeGolly

13 hours ago, BitterApple said:

Alyssa and John released a new Q&A. They were asked if they planned on having more kids and they said "we'll see." Gold stars for everyone who predicted Alyssa would double back on her previous claim that she was done. I imagine it's no longer good enough to have one boy. Now Rhett needs a brother. 

 

Maybe that is what is going on. Maybe Alyssa is already pregnant again.

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3 is enough

3 is enough

(edited)

Well, I guess there is another possible reason for Alyssa looking so miserable.

I did not watch their latest YouTube video, but it is being discussed on Reddit and John is coming off as a complete dick. 
He said he would like more children but Alyssa gets so sick during pregnancy that she can’t look after the kids and the house without help.

He also said Alyssa needs a new car and they could use a new couch upstairs but he is waiting until “the kids can learn to treat the new car and couch with respect and take care of them”. The couch I can understand to some extent, but the car is falling apart. He bought it when they got married ( almost 10 years ago), and it may have been used. I know kids are messy but the vehicle may be unsafe at this point. If he is really that annoyed just don’t let the kids eat or drink in the car.

It seems the initial infatuation stage has worn off and he is showing his true colours. Alyssa may be realizing how much of a jerk he is, which could explain a lot of things. 
Funny because he always said he was happy with the kids they had and it was Alyssa who wanted more. There was a 180 after she had Rhett.

This  is pure speculation on my part but it appears that John is tightening up the purse strings so Alyssa may not be getting the little luxuries like Starbucks and trips to the nail salon. She always used to post about getting a drink or showing off her nails but I haven’t seen any of those posts lately.Could be she is just too busy, but her cheapskate husband refuses to hire someone to paint their house and prefers to wait until he can do it himself. They have to paint because the previous owners didn’t use approved paint colors and if their HOA is anything like mine they are looking at some hefty fines if they don’t take care of it. 

Edited by 3 is enough
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BitterApple

BitterApple

Their upstairs couch is leather, which really isn't a kid-friendly material. Alyssa said it was cracked and peeling, so it's probably old. One option is to buy something reasonable and use washable slipcovers, but John seemed pretty adamant about not spending money. 

I agree not replacing the car is a more serious issue. If they bought it used ten years ago, it's got to be on its' last legs. John's excuse of "it still works" was pretty lame. That's not very reassuring when you're talking about the safety of your family. And news flash, John, but kids are kids. Even the most fastidious six year-old will drop some crumbs. Do a weekly vacuum and clean-out, and problem solved. 

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Lisa418722

Lisa418722

John, more than likely you are going to keep on having kids for at least the next ten to fifteen years.  How long do you expect Alyssa to wait?  Kids don't "respect" cars and couches, they do their kids' things.   This means if they are eating, they will drop crumbs even if they try not to; if they are drinking, they will spill some of it, even water.  My car has some spots and I'm a grown-up.  

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Meow Mix

Meow Mix

I know I've said this before, but these two need to stop making videos and work on themselves.  Every time a new video comes out they look worse.  Now John is saying that he never knew how much he needed a son.  Way to devalue the four daughters you already have.  One obligatory date a year isn't going to fix the hurt he is causing.  Also, not replacing the car because the kids don't respect it?  What is wrong with this guy?  Alyssa needs to stop breeding with him.  She is exhausted and he seems to hate his kids except for the one with the penis.

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AgathaC

AgathaC

Plenty of people aren’t great with kids for one reason or another. They’re ultra-fastidious. They don’t connect with children’s minds. Whatever. If those people are smart and responsible, they don’t have kids. Or, if they have one or two, they realize this isn’t for them and stop. Smart people don’t keep creating children solely to satisfy the demands of a cult or their own twisted image of masculinity.

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Salacious Kitty

Salacious Kitty

17 hours ago, Meow Mix said:

I know I've said this before, but these two need to stop making videos and work on themselves.  Every time a new video comes out they look worse.  Now John is saying that he never knew how much he needed a son.  Way to devalue the four daughters you already have.  One obligatory date a year isn't going to fix the hurt he is causing.  Also, not replacing the car because the kids don't respect it?  What is wrong with this guy?  Alyssa needs to stop breeding with him.  She is exhausted and he seems to hate his kids except for the one with the penis.

Dear John, you didn't NEED a son. That's just an ego construct. Look at your wife. You don't NEED any more children. 

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65mickey

65mickey

(edited)
22 hours ago, Meow Mix said:

She is exhausted and he seems to hate his kids except for the one with the penis.

I don't see an evidence that John hates his daughters. That's a pretty harsh statement.

Edited by 65mickey
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floridamom

floridamom

Has anyone seen the new Alyssa's Birthday video? I watched it last night and no one can tell me that Alyssa did not know about the "surprise" birthday party. The girls, I'm sure, didn't know and were genuinely happy to prepare a little party for their mother. I think the girls were so sweet and happy for their mother. On the other hand, Alyssa appeared to not be very excited about it. She couldn't even fake-act it. Such a dull reaction for her girls, sadly. Rhett, of course, received a lot of attention from both parents in this. I would think the girls deserved very big, genuine hugs and kisses from their mother and she should have made them feel special. No doubt little Rhett will be spoiled rotten. Alyssa IMO just isn't a happy person at this time.

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BitterApple

BitterApple

I just watched the video. Alyssa definitely knew about the "surprise." She barely leaves the house and certainly doesn't leave long enough to allow for cake baking and decorating. Even so, I agree she could've faked being a little more enthusiastic. The girls were clearly excited and they didn't get so much as a thank-you, let alone a hug. Alyssa totally ignored them while they sang Happy Birthday, and was focused on Rhett instead. It's weird though how all the comments are so fawning. I get that fans aren't going to be as critical as snarkers, but how do they not notice the blatant favoritism? 

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