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Small Talk: a.k.a. 'The Meet Market'


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Is it a fancy party or more casual?

 

If more casual, make one of those dirt cakes (lots of recipes online, but usually made of some kind of pudding and crushed Oreos) and little gravestones to go on top. Bonus points if you can letter the names of dead Once characters on the tombstones. Or tombstone chocolate cupcakes.

 

Spoilers tell us

Grannies serves Gingerbread in the Underworld.

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Time for the usual once-in-awhile update:

Saw Zootopia this past weekend. If you have a chance, check it out! It's really good. Recently watched Salmon Fishing in the Yemen; that was also a cute movie (I think it's from 2013).

It's warm today (52 degrees)! I don't need a coat on when I go outside. All the birds are tweeting away too. Sounds like Spring.

Voted today! I had to make sure I got an 'I voted' sticker.

We celebrated my sister-in-law's bday on Saturday, my mom's birthday is this thursday. Cleaned out the wood duck box. No signs of nesting this year. :(

Thinking about painting a new birdhouse gourd soon (ours always get devoured by this evil squirrel).

Downton's done and over with, which I'm happy about.

My brother's coming back to Michigan for his spring break. He'll only be around for 4ish days (and we'll probably only see him one or two of those days).

I feel like I'm missing something...hmmm

That's about it.

The ouat premiere watch party sounded like fun, I hope it went well!

Hope everything is going swell for everyone!

Edited by HoodlumSheep
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Saw Zootopia this past weekend. If you have a chance, check it out! It's really good.

 

I just watched it last night and totally agree! Not only was the animation gorgeous (I might have to watch it again just to drool over the background details and lighting), but I was pleasantly surprised by how adult some of the themes were. Ginny did a great job with the voice acting and I chuckled at Josh's quick voice cameo. While Ginny generally had her normal voice throughout the whole thing, I think Josh put on a bit more of a cartoonish voice that really worked for the frantic pig.

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I cracked up watching Damien the other night.  For those who haven't watched, it has Barbara Hershey playing...well...Cora.  Okay, the character's name is Ann, but she's Cora and she's trying to get Damien to embrace his evil self. The reason I laughed so hard is I picture Cora just giving up on Regina and trying to adopt someone who wants to be pure evil.  "Hmmm...the Antichrist? Perfect!"

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Our house has currently been invaded by a Kirby vacuum salesmen. He's been here an hour giving his presentation.

At least we're getting a free carpet vacuuming/cleaning out of it. :P

*pretty much dying of secondhand embarrassment because of my dad. You can tell the vacuum manager is judging him soooo hard right now. And not in a good way. Oh gosh, I'm glad it's over.

*and now it's sleeting rather heavily outside.

Edited by HoodlumSheep
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Yesterday I was having lunch at this fast food place that had Faux Newz playing on the TV. They were covering the attacks in Belgium when the store owner/manager (?) said something to his friends about "our boy" being in Cuba at a baseball game. I just about wanted to scream! Our President was engaging in diplomacy. It's a thing Presidents do! WTF is wrong with some people?

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I saw that about the historic baseball match. I wonder how they decided which American team would participate (the Atlanta Rays, wasn't it?).

Looking back, I think the first thing I heard about the US and Cuba trying to repair their relations was during this past year's Shark Week when they aired that special that marked US and Cuban researchers working together to study sharks basically in Cuban waters.

Good for them. It looks like things are going well with that trip. Did the store manager miss the part where the pres. addressed the attacks?

Anyways, my mind is still reeling from the awkwardness of the Kirby vacuum door-to-door salesman nonsense this afternoon. Just so awkward. I need to get the story off my chest. Sorry for the wall of text. :P

The salesman did fine; he had only started the job this week and he was a nervous wreck. He knew perfectly well that we weren't interested in a new vacuum, but was just grateful that we had let him in. They only get paid if they manage to do the presentation (which sucks for them in my opinion). It was the pushy manager that was the problem (although according to my dad she wasn't the pushiest that he's dealt with before).

Her main tactics devolved into trying to guilt my dad into buying a vacuum for my mom (who's a housewife) and was basically accusing my dad of being an awful husband who doesn't value his wife, with the constant usage of the phrase "I mean no disrespect, but..."

the manager was being very pushy and judge-y, which I didn't really appreciate either. He kept telling her that he knew for a fact that his wife would not want this vacuum(which is very true). You could tell she didn't believe that my dad could possibly ever know what his wife of 30+ years would want.

It was just so awkward. He told her that we weren't interested and that my mom wouldn't be interested and that she was happy with the vacuum we have (which the manager didn't seem to comprehend how anyone could be happy with a vacuum that apparently was no where near as good as the Kirby Avalir). He also told her that there's no way my mom would pay that much for a vacuum even if it was the most amazing thing in the world. In which case the manager was trying to spin it that my dad was basically not letting my mom have any say in what she can or cannot buy...

Woo boy, it was so awkward. For the record my mom would never ever shell out $1500 for a vacuum (it was a special offer--they're normally $2300). 2) Our vacuum is only about 2-3 years old (and it's a good brand), so why would she just toss it aside to get another vacuum? 3) that $1500 could be spent on things that are much more needed around the household.

I'm pretty sure that manager lady left our house cursing the patriarchy for all it's horribleness, though.

And as my dad and everyone expected, when my mom got home from babysitting she was not happy that dad had even let them enter the house and stated outright that she was very happy with the vacuum we have (and would never pay that much for a vacuum).

All in all it wasn't the most pleasant of afternoons.

I can't seem to sleep tonight. It's 3 AM here, but I'm wide awake. I'd blame the full moon, but it's cloudy so it's not like it's bright outside.

Does anyone have any plans for Easter or anything? I won't be catching this week's episode of Once (even if it's a Jones Bros. episode). Easter Parade is on tcm and that takes precedence over Once. I love that movie.

My mom and I are trying to come up with ideas for dinner other than a typical Easter ham.

Edited by HoodlumSheep
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For the record my mom would never ever shell out $1500 for a vacuum (it was a special offer--they're normally $2300).

 

Say what? For a vacuum? I'll still to my very awesome and significantly less expensive Miele, thankyouverymuch.

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Say what? For a vacuum? I'll still to my very awesome and significantly less expensive Miele, thankyouverymuch.

Yeah. $1500 when it's a special offer.

That's what my mom has! Miele's are good. And my mom loves it. But no, apparently my dad is a terrible husband for not getting her a Kirby. :P

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Greetings to all. I'm new here, and I thought I'd introduce myself :)

 

I've actually been lurking on this forum for about a year. After the condoning-adultery discussion between Regina and Mary Margaret, I googled "Morality in Once Upon a Time" and found this place. After reading the entire Morality in Storybrooke thread, I moved on to the others, and soon I was addicted. It's actually renewed my interest in the show, and I've since gone back and re-watched most of the previous seasons. The discussions here make everything a lot more interesting. I've also learned from this forum that I am a "Captain Swan Shipper," something I didn't even know existed until a year ago :). Recently, for various complicated reasons, I have found myself with more free time in front of my computer, so I thought I'd sign up and be an active contributor instead of hiding in the shadows. 

 

I am ... on the interesting side of thirty, married no kids, I teach English as a foreign language and translate French to English. I was born and raised in the US but the husband is English and I've been living in England for the past 8 years. I like cream teas and romance novels, but also Shakespeare and physics. My dream is to get a PhD in linguistics, which I will do the minute my husband wins the lottery, as he's been promising to do these ten years. 

 

That's about it. I'm looking forward to some interesting discussions here!

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Welcome aboard, profdanglais!

Your husband sounds a lot like my Aunt and Uncle when it comes to winning the lottery. :P My aunt's still waiting for him to win the lottery so they can both retire early.

That's cool how you can translate French to English. I've always wanted to learn a foreign language but I fear that I would only slaughter the language. I took Spanish in high school but I don't remember too much of it besides a couple of things.

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Welcome, profdanglais, and enjoy the discussions! I think this is probably the best, most balanced discussion forum for this show.

 

As for Easter plans, I pretty much have none. I sing in the choir, so I have to be at church at 7:30 in the morning and do three services, after which I'm utterly exhausted and have little voice left because every Easter hymn has to have a soprano descant and that means a lot of shrieking. But I'm not hungry for lunch because we have a potluck breakfast to graze on in the choir room between services, so I'm eating all morning. So I usually come home and collapse on the sofa and maybe watch a movie on TV or read (I have a ton of reading I need to get done this weekend because the voting deadline for the Nebula Awards is coming up). Maybe I'll cook something for dinner or get some takeout that can be easily reheated. I was thinking of taking a short vacation after Easter and going up to the mountains in Oklahoma for hiking, but they're forecasting thunderstorms for the day I'd be driving back, and that's not something you want to deal with at this time of year. Last night, there was golf ball-sized hail around here (I lucked out and was in the spot that got nothing but rain), and Oklahoma is tornado central.

 

I do have a new hobby to take me somewhat away from the Internet. A man in the choir has loaned me a harp to learn on and decide if this is something I want to invest in, so I'm learning to play the harp. It's a small Celtic harp, not a full concert harp, and so far I'm kind of liking it, though it takes some coordination. I can play a couple of songs so far, one even using both hands and more than one note at a time.

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Learning how to play the harp sounds interesting!

I've been seriously slacking in the piano department. I'm still not finished with my level 1 piano book. And when I do rarely play, it's usually just one song or a couple of half songs.

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Hello, profdanglais! Greetings and salutations.

 

I'm taking online Spanish lessons through Duolingo. I'm doing well enough with them, but I'm still not really comfortable trying to communicate with actual Spanish speakers. Mostly I'm doing it for my job and my Spanish-speaking customers. I took some French in college, but I've forgotten most of it.

 

I'm very much a CS shipper (you may have noticed), so I'm thinking we'll get along pretty well. Yay! I'm something of an Anglophile too. I love British humor (pardon me, humour): Monty Python, Douglas Adams, and Terry Pratchett.

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I find difficulty rewatching TV shows unless it's either funny or it's a particular episode I love. I thought with Once it was just the bad writing, but I realized it's true with just about any show.

 

Yeah, there are very few TV shows I can rewatch.  One of the few I did rewatch was "Lost" (only up to mid-Season 5 since I didn't like the rest of the series) and I still found it really captivating and engaging, partly because I had forgotten what had happened.

 

I wonder if "Once" will be the same for me, at some point in the distant distant future.

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I rewatched House recently and really enjoyed it. I think it helps that it's basically a procedural and that part is what is interesting to me even if the medicine part of it is highly questionable. Although I admit that I quit my rewatch when they broke up the original team to bring in new characters. I wasn't interested in that at that time and it still doesn't interest me today. I will say that it was highly amusing when Elizabeth Mitchell played a patient who grew up in the foster system, ran away and spent most of her teens on the streets which ultimately resulted in a teen pregnancy. I had no idea that Ingrid had such a complete understanding of what Emma had been through.

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Monty Python, Douglas Adams, and Terry Pratchett.

 

Yeah, we will definitely get on :). I'd add PG Wodehouse to that list as well. 

 

I won't lie, learning French is something I'm pretty proud of. It was hard and took a long time, and I'm not generally good with long term goals. For some reason it was something I stuck with to the bitter end. When it got frustrating I used to indulge in vague fantasies about some sort of emergency that required a French speaker, and someone would shout "Does anyone here speak French?" and I'd stand up and say "Yes, I speak French!" and the crowd would breathe a sigh of relief knowing they were saved. Silly, but it kept me going. I never thought there would actually be such a situation, but one time there kind of was. 

 

So, my (now) husband and I were in Vegas for our wedding (easiest place on the planet to get married, weddings for international couples can get kind of complicated) and we were queuing to get our marriage licence. Everyone in the queue was dressed in normal clothes except for a group of about five people who were a bit behind us, they were all decked out in tuxes and wedding dresses. They were talking in French, laughing at themselves because they had thought that they couldn't get the licence in advance, and they had waited to get it until just before their wedding and so of course they got all dressed up first, but now were feeling a bit silly. Husband (who had lived in France and understands French pretty well) and I were eavesdropping and we couldn't help laughing along with them. They heard us and asked if we were French and we said no, etc, and chatted with them a bit until it was our turn to go up to the counter. When we were leaving with our licence, the French couple was just about to go up and as we passed them the bride stopped me and asked if it had been difficult to get the licence, she said she was worried because her English wasn't very good. I offered to go with them in case they needed help. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but actually it was a good thing I was there because they had both been married before and needed to clarify details of their divorces, they had written all their dates day/month/year instead of month/day/year, and the woman at the counter couldn't decipher their handwriting or the way they had written their addresses. When they got their licence they said "Thank goodness you were here" and I thought, well that's made it all worthwhile. Take that, everyone who said I should study something more practical! 

 

Shanna Marie your harp playing is incredibly cool. 

Edited by profdanglais
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I rewatched House recently and really enjoyed it. I think it helps that it's basically a procedural and that part is what is interesting to me even if the medicine part of it is highly questionable. Although I admit that I quit my rewatch when they broke up the original team to bring in new characters. I wasn't interested in that at that time and it still doesn't interest me today. I will say that it was highly amusing when Elizabeth Mitchell played a patient who grew up in the foster system, ran away and spent most of her teens on the streets which ultimately resulted in a teen pregnancy. I had no idea that Ingrid had such a complete understanding of what Emma had been through.

I felt the same way about House. When the original team got replaced I quit watching the show, even though I love Hugh Laurie. I felt that it was a bad move. They still had so many stories to tell with those characters, individually and as a group together. I felt really let down by the show runners choices in that regard.

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Bienvenue a PTV, profdanglais!  I'm a longtime student of French - from middle school through graduate school.  I don't use it on a regular basis, but every once in a while I try to brush up so I don't forget everything I learned.

 

On rewatching - I tend to have sit coms on in the background a lot of the time because they allow for multitasking.  I've probably seen certain episodes of Big Bang Theory or Frasier many times.  It provides background noise, I can look up and chuckle here and there, but they don't require me to pay careful attention.  When Game Show Network actually had reruns of game shows fromt he 70's and 80's that was my default viewing choice.  Enough to have noise, but allowing me to pay attention to whatever else I was doing.

 

I tend not to rewatch things that require me to pay more attention, even my favorites.  I have rewatched some episodes of Once (3rd season finale), and some episodes of the BSG reboot (still maintain 33 was one of the best hours of tv I've ever seen,) but other than those, I rarely feel the need to rewatch longer shows.  Though, now that I am typing this, I feel like a rewatch of BSG might be a good plan for the summer post Game of Thrones.  

 

My husband actually just rewatched GoT and I caught an episode here and ther, but I didn't feel the need to get re-caught up with it the way he did, I guess.  My relationship with that show is troubled, as it is with the books.  I feel committed because I've come this far, but I'm not sure I actually classify it as an 'enjoyable' experience.  True Blood was the same by the 3rd or 4th season.  I've invested this much, I guess I'll finish it.  It isn't even 'hate watching' - it's more 'resigned-watching.'

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I love rewatching things (and rereading things), though later events in a series may affect my enjoyment. I have the first three seasons of House on DVD, but I haven't been able to make myself watch them after the mess they made later. I rewatch Angel every so often. I ration my rewatching of Firefly because I don't want to get tired of it. I'll marathon old episodes of The Office or Parks and Recreation when I need a pick-me-up. And there are movies I can watch a zillion times.

 

As for languages, I have weird experiences with that. I'm not fluent in anything but English. I'm an Army brat, and I spent my tweens in Germany, but I didn't learn German in the sense of grammar and the structure of the language. We had what they called "Host Nation" classes that were more about the culture, and we learned phrases and vocabulary. It was all practical stuff, like how to read signs and get around, how to read a restaurant menu and order, etc. We took field trips to the bakery and market. I didn't realize how much I'd learned until I went back as a tourist in my late 20s and found that I could get around pretty well. I couldn't really understand people speaking and I couldn't speak to them, but I read German well enough that I never felt disoriented. The language I know best is Spanish, which I studied for two years in high school and two years in college. I read it just about fluently. I'm rusty, so speaking or writing in it might be a challenge, and I never developed a good ear for it, so I only catch bits and pieces from listening to people talk. But what's weird is that I seem to know a lot more about one language when I need to use the other. There was a time when I was in college when someone asked me for directions in Spanish. I understood him and was formulating the sentence to tell him in Spanish, but it came out on German, and I didn't think I even knew how to say that in German. I had to force myself to make myself say it in Spanish. I figured at the time that it was because all my experience with Spanish was in the classroom, so in a real-world situation it was German that came out. So, flash forward to that trip in my late 20s. We were getting ice cream, and that's definitely one thing I knew how to do in German (having been a kid there). There was an ice cream man who came to our neighborhood, and he didn't speak English, so I had experience with ordering ice cream in German. But what came out? Spanish. I didn't even know I knew how to order ice cream in Spanish. The really funny thing was, the kid working the counter was studying Spanish in school and was so excited to get a chance to use his Spanish, so we conducted the entire transaction in Spanish.

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The way our brains manage languages is interesting. It's basically believed that the capacity to learn one language to native level is innate, so our young brains are completely receptive to it and the grammar/syntax/etc kind if imprints itself on them. Any languages we learn after then first one are recorded and stored differently. Since all the languages we learn other than our native one are stored in the same way in the same place it makes sense that our brains get mixed up. They know they need to activate the foreign languages section, they just can't distinguish which scrap of non-native language we need. Something similar happened to me when I lived in Japan. I was trying to learn survival Japanese, but for the first few months, my brain only wanted to give me French. This is what makes people who are raised in bi- or multi-lingual environments, so they learn more than one language as a native one, so fascinating (to me anyway). This sort of thing is what I am going to study as soon as my lottery funding comes through :).  

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Welcome, profdanglais!

 

That's really interesting.  Is there an age where it definitely switches from the innate native level to the "foreign language" level?  For example, my parents learned one language until they were 5-8, then were in bilingual homes, and then almost exclusively spoke the second language for decades. 

 

Now I'm extra curious about how their brains worked. (Well, and work.)

Edited by Mari
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Bloody hell, how could I forget about dear old Plum? Watching Jeeves & Wooster on telly was my intro to Hugh Laurie & Stephen Fry.

 

I stopped watching House right around the time he and Cuddy got together.

 

I've seen the CS movie (S3 finale) 3 or 4 times. Otherwise, I've seen every ep of ST: TOS and every ep of BtVS many, many times, but not recently.

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Welcome, prodanglais!

Fellow (kinda) linguistic here, I have a degree in Germanic philology :)

Languages and words are my passion, so much that I became a therapist, where understanding words is important!

 

To everybody. I'm back to my lurking mode and participate very little to the different discussions.I consider myself a rabid spoliers reader (perhaps because I don't like susprises?!) and a GA viewer. All your theories and speculations are interesting, but I couldn't make one up for the love of me!!

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Hello, everyone! Another long time lurker. I finally made an account and am ready to discuss. 

 

I never know how to introduce myself in the online world. Too much pressure. :P But here is the gist- I am a 27 year old lady who largely continues to watch this show because I enjoy the discussion/dissection. So yay for finally joining in! 

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Welcome, janett snakehole!

 

 

Also--Happy Easter to those who celebrate it!  (And Happy Last Sunday In March!  to those who don't.)

Edited by Mari
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Is there an age where it definitely switches from the innate native level to the "foreign language" level?  For example, my parents learned one language until they were 5-8, then were in bilingual homes, and then almost exclusively spoke the second language for decades. 

 

It has to do with age, and also with the way the later languages are delivered. Children that young are able to learn second languages in a way more similar to native language-learning, particularly in an immersive environment like you describe. Do you know how well your parents remember their first language? Do they have much chance to speak it? It is possible in a situation like that to lose a lot of the first language. 

 

Also, everyone is different. Some people are able to learn multiple languages really easily and thoroughly, while others may live in a country where the second language is spoken for years and still struggle. As a teacher, I saw older people who learned like sponges and younger ones who hit a plateau and seemed unlikely ever to be able to improve much from that point. It's all really fascinating, and I don't know nearly as much about it as I'd like. 

 

Fellow (kinda) linguistic here, I have a degree in Germanic philology :)

 

 

That's so cool :)

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Welcome, janett snakehole. Love the screen name. :-)

 

I survived three Easter services in the choir (though I might have done most of the last service on autopilot, except for that hymn descant we never quite got right). Then I got home, and as I was contemplating a nap, the Hindu temple across the street kicked off their Holi festival, so now there is Indian music playing at loud volume. Though not quite as loud as the praise bands that used to play for outdoor festivals when that place was a church. If I listen to music in my house, I don't hear the music from across the street, while the praise bands drowned out anything I tried to play (and they all sounded like bad Gin Blossoms cover bands). The problem with the Indian music is they use a different scale, and to someone trained in Western music with perfect pitch, it all sounds off-pitch to me and I desperately want to go tune them. Come to think of it, the bad Gin Blossoms cover band praise bands were also off-pitch (they sang about a quarter tone flat, apparently on purpose) and they were supposedly using the octave scale. I wanted to tune them, too.

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I survived three Easter services in the choir (though I might have done most of the last service on autopilot, except for that hymn descant we never quite got right).

My church used to do a whopping six. Imagine that!

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Welcome profdanglais and janett snakehole!

Today I've been thinking about this last conversation about learning languages. I'm in Portugal right now and everything on tv is in original version with subtitles. Kids here are accustomed to English so is easier for them to learn the language. But in Spain we dub everything, and I think that's one of the reasons why we have, in general, such a big problem with learning other languages.

But I love learning new languages and I speak English, French and Italian.

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It has to do with age, and also with the way the later languages are delivered. Children that young are able to learn second languages in a way more similar to native language-learning, particularly in an immersive environment like you describe. Do you know how well your parents remember their first language? Do they have much chance to speak it? It is possible in a situation like that to lose a lot of the first language. 

I don't know the year English became a priority for their families, but my grandparents all decided to encourage English use at some point when their children were in primary school--they were worried about what opportunities they'd have outside of their little ethnic pocket.

 

I was an afterthought-oops! child, and they all spoke it with each other (but not with me) when I was a kid and wasn't supposed to know what they were talking about.  They did the same thing with my older brother and sister.

 

However, they got out of the habit when I moved out, and by then all my grandparents had passed away.  I know that my surviving parent can still speak it, and used it when visiting Europe, but says it's more work now--there are lots of lost words.

 

However, I know that you lose words in any language you don't hear regularly.  When the elderly go deaf, they do slowly lose some of their vocabulary.  (Or, at least according to my parent's audiologist, is what happens.)  So I can't tell you if it's because their brain thinks of English as their primary language, or if it's because of hearing issues.

Edited by Mari
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My church used to do a whopping six. Imagine that!

We do six, but the choir only does three. There's a sunrise service in a park and two contemporary services that don't use the choir. And thank goodness. I'm not sure I could sit through the same service more than that. Also, Easter music tends to be high and loud, so I wouldn't have much voice left.

 

It turned out that the repeat of the Metropolitan Opera's Tannhauser on PBS worked really well to block all the sound from across the street. I'm much of a fan of German opera, but they had some wonderful baritones and basses, and I love a good low male voice. It worked for background noise while reading the newspaper and doing the crossword puzzles.

 

Now I have my butter/spice/sugar mixture ready for hot buttered rum to go with a Hook episode and I'm ready for the evening.

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I just found out that Tom Hiddleston was in Chicago yesterday promoting his new movie, and I had no idea. I'm so bummed, I've been waiting forever for him to come here. Nuts.

Edited by pezgirl7
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^ that's too bad that you missed him!

I saw the gif set of him doing a weather report (if that was real).

I think his movie is currently Rotten on Rotten Tomatoes, isn't it?

I'll be kind-of-working starting tomorrow at my uncle's/cousin's greenhouse. I'm pretty sure it's just odd job stuff like it was the last time I worked there (for only 4ish days), but I don't really know. I also don't know how long it'll last because it sounded like it'll last more than a few days but less than 3 months. I think it's just to help them get ready for the incoming season. I think. ??? So yay for my kinda-first real job, maybe?

Hopefully I'm not too disastrous. I managed to survive the last time I helped out there, so hopefully things go smoothly.

Edited by HoodlumSheep
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Yes the weather report was real! That's how I first found out he was in Chicago. I saw the gifs and was like, hey, that's Chicago on the weather map! Yes, his new movie I Saw The Light is very rotten. LOL I still want to see it though. I think most critics have said the actors do a good job, but the story is very disjointed.

I'm sure you'll do fine at your new job, especially since you've done it before, and you know your employer. ;)

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Minor venting ahead. I've mentioned that guy I'm friends with who's kind of in love with me but I'm not at all interested in him in that way. I thought he got the message, but then he went over the top for Valentine's Day, giving me pink roses and chocolates (though he did mention that he remembered me saying that red roses were for romance and were inappropriate to give to someone outside that context). I've been busy and haven't exactly been avoiding him, but I thought it was best to maintain a little distance to make sure he didn't get ideas. Especially since some of our other friends, a married couple, started taking a ballroom dancing class, and this guy decided to go along. I don't know for sure that it's about me, but I'm a dancer and I love ballroom but never have anyone to dance with. I just have this weird feeling that he keeps trying so hard to be someone who'd be ideal for me, and it's just never going to happen.

 

So now he's asked me out for dinner tonight, and that's something we've done in the past. He works near me and lives on the opposite side of the metro area, so on Friday nights we have dinner after work, and then he doesn't have to fight Friday rush hour. Then we usually end up coming back to my place and watching Grimm. But that means I have to clean my place for company, which cuts into my productivity for the day (I'm self-employed and work at home). And this year, Friday has been my recovery night. I have choir on Wednesdays and ballet class on Thursdays, so Friday is my "whew, I don't have to go anywhere night." The ballet class has generally been on Tuesday nights, so I was up for going out Fridays after a night in on Thursday. Now, though, the last thing I want to do on Friday is go anywhere. I'm getting near the end of a big project that's taking all my emotional and mental energy, and I'm looking forward to focusing on that all day today and probably into the night, interspersed with harp practice breaks. That counts as "already have plans," right? And then I'll need the same excuse Sunday night when there's a planning meeting for an event we're both part of, and he'll want to go out for dinner afterward, but I'll want to come home and watch Once.

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I'd say that it definitely counts as "already have plans."

Luckily for me, I think I managed to scare my guy friend away. The last I had heard from him was way back in November when he asked if I wanted to go see The Good Dinosaur. i had to tell him that the movie wasn't even out yet on the day he wanted to go see it, and that it was Thanksgiving week so I was busy doing Thanksgiving cooking and such.

I know he's around still though--he's helping with coaching the high school's girls soccer team along with my brother and two others.

I have come to realize that Shanna Marie's guy-friend woes have coincided with my guy-friend woes the past 2-3 times, so now I am frantically knocking on wood hoping that he doesn't suddenly contact me wanting to hang out.( >_>)

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I have come to realize that Shanna Marie's guy-friend woes have coincided with my guy-friend woes the past 2-3 times, so now I am frantically knocking on wood hoping that he doesn't suddenly contact me wanting to hang out.( >_>)

Relax, mine are ongoing. I just don't share them all. I think I was just particularly sensitive about it today because I had a dream last night in which he was following me around an event (which does happen in real life -- not in a stalker way where he follows me without interacting, but he tends to go where I go and acts like we're there together), and then I woke up this morning to find an e-mail from him asking me to dinner.

 

I may have to get an actual boyfriend in order to make it clear that it's not just about him being a nice guy and doing things for me until he wears down my resistance. But I haven't met an eligible man I found interesting and attractive in years. Single men around here don't seem to leave the house unless they're being dragged by a woman, so none of that advice about going out and doing things you find interesting to meet like-minded people works. Every man at any event, from sporting events to concerts to building Habitat for Humanity houses, is either wearing a wedding ring or has a woman (or sometimes a man) surgically attached to his side, with a giant blinking neon "He's Mine, Back Off, Bitches" sign over his head. And it doesn't help that this guy friend and I move in the same social circles, so even if an interesting single man were at any party or event I went to, this guy is hovering nearby, glaring at anyone who looks at me, and I don't think my "No, I'm not!" sign cancels out his "She's mine!" sign.

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And it doesn't help that this guy friend and I move in the same social circles, so even if an interesting single man were at any party or event I went to, this guy is hovering nearby, glaring at anyone who looks at me, and I don't think my "No, I'm not!" sign cancels out his "She's mine!" sign.

 

You need to have another chat with him. This should not be happening.

 

That counts as "already have plans," right?

 

Just tell him "No".  You don't have to justify your "No". Whatever reason you have for not wanting to go out with him doesn't need to be shared. If you say you have plans, he may asks what those plans are. Then, you'll either have to tell him the truth or lie. Neither is likely to end well. "No" works because he has nothing to grab onto and debate with you. It also sends a clearer message. "I have plans" says "Maybe next time we can go on a romantic date." or "I'd love to, but stupid plans and all."

 

When you have a dude who is taking ownership of you at parties, giving you gifts he knows you think are romantic and trying to stealth date you, you sometimes have to be pretty blunt. They will see hints of success in every niceness. You've already told him that you don't want to date him, but he persists. It's kinder to be blunt so he can move onto a new target...er...prospect.

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(edited)

If I've been posting less lengthier posts than usual, it's because my computer broke. I did, however, get the experience of replacing a motherboard and CPU myself. Thankfully, my computer is running again, making typing much easier.

Edited by KingOfHearts
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Just came across the original Snow White animated film on TV. Here's the description in the menu listing: "A beautiful princess stays in a commune of dwarfs to escape her evil stepmother." Now that sounds like a sitcom I would watch. 

 

I think it's the "commune of dwarfs" that I find so amusing. Who knew Grumpy & Co were secret hippies? 

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This is good, a writer I admire talking about the difficulties in writing interesting heroes.

“It’s a lot easier to write a villain than it is a hero…(t)o make a good person colorful and believable is a harder task.”

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