Small Talk: Judge's Chambers

[AngelaHunter]

TwoP Howard got me, too.

 

Me three, but I can't remember what for. I think it may have been "Boards on boards" but at the time I didn't know what that meant.

[funky-rat]

I once got busted for boards on boards (I still don't really understand that one), and once for posting while a TV show was still airing.

[SRTouch]

I once got busted for boards on boards (I still don't really understand that one), and once for posting while a TV show was still airing.

Seeing all this, I guess I'm lucky I didn't start reading/posting there

[MizArk]

I got banned there for comparing Idol's David Archuleta to a young David Cassidy and Donnie Osmond. Apparently, that was "inflammatory." Some eight years later, I'm still trying to figure out why I was banned. And with a vicious note to accompany it, too! smh

 

And, hi, all. I don't post much here, but love reading your responses to my daily dose of snarky judge!

Edited April 15, 2016 by MizArk

[sleekandchic]

Dear Friends :)

Your memories and reminiscences spark my own thoughts, good and bad. I've never shared, and understand the inherent risk in baring my soul, but I do want to add to the TwoP vaults.

First, though, let me say how admiring and respectful I am of twops founding three. Smart, quick, irreverent. I appreciated their talents. Still do.

Okay. I was never banned, but I was warned on my very FIRST post. And then, in a separate incident, I was publicly humiliated by a mod, which hurt me very much. Especially since that humiliation carried over to a separate, unaffiliated (maybe) site.

If memory serves, I joined TWOP in May 2004. Just past my 21st birthday, just earned my BS, accepted to grad school for Sept 2004, and ready to leave for an exciting, stomach-churning summer in New Mexico and Arizona, helping children and their families. Alcoholism and drug dependency were everywhere.

With my particular interest in kids and their adults, I found the tv show, Jon and Kate Plus 8. I wrote my FIRST twop post there and commented that I didn't understand why Kate was so derided on twop. No! Verboten! Boards on boards. First warning! Very embarrassing. (Btw, it didn't take me long to detest Kate G. I guess I was too young, trusting and hopeful, at first. Maybe too idealistic.)

But I learned my lesson and followed twop rules.

Within a couple of years, I can't say how much I came to love twop, its recaps, its forums, my fellow posters. Such a smart bunch. Clever, funny and fun.

Eventually, i found myself drawn to a forum that was a powder keg. For every 20 posts, one would pop up that would be antagonistic and belligerent. The thread mod was on full-time alert, often posting warnings.

At one point, oy. Such a mess. People warned and banned. The mod wrote, "please don't engage. Please PM if you see a disruption."

One day, I saw a disruption. A DISRUPTION. I couldn't believe my eyes, my heart sank. Nasty and cruel are good descriptors. I PMd the regular mod. It was a shocking post (to me). Mod replied to thank me; she deleted offending post. Mod said thanks for PM, but in future feel free to report to forum traffic court. Action will be swifter; mods know what's going on in that forum.

Ok.

Within a week, a "new" poster was there, fomenting and stirring. It was kind of terrible, you know? I was on the subway, going to work, read the hateful post. Right before my stop, I reported to FTC. Gave a link, said "poster attacking sister poster." Really, it was putrid.

That night, approx 12 hours later, got home, looked at ftc. A new mod replied to my report. He ridiculed me and told me I should get used to ppl not agreeing with me. Asked me if I had a life?! Told me I was hypersensitive! Omg. What? The op had nothing to do with me. That Mod smackdown on me had been standing about 12 hours for hundreds, maybe thousands, to see. My heart sank.

I immediately PM'd him. Wrote that another Mod had advised me to report what I reported that day. I copied/pasted first mod's directions to me. So, the second mod answered immediately. Apologized. Said he had NO idea another Mod had given me such directions. He IMMEDIATELY deleted the slapdown against me in FTC. 12 hours too late. I accepted his apology; he replied that in fairness to him, no poster should expect that a random mod could understand the nuances of a forum's/mod's requirements. Sigh. Ok. (If you want to earn the extra pay for modding duties, even though you're a gifted writer/recapper, fine. Take it up with your bosses, not your posters, aye?)

Next day, got a PM from a "helpful friend." (Are you still proud of your alert to me, "helpful friend"?) Link to another board, filled with Twop critics. Ah. Sleekandchic was quite the object of ridicule. Snitch, liar, full of herself. Oh, they said, how wonderful that she got the public smackdown by the Twop mod/recapper. If anyone deserved it, sleekandchic did!

It's a wonder I stuck around. I did leave for quite awhile. LOST brought me back. Jack, Sawyer, Kate! Desmond!

Don't feel bad, fellow posters. Bans, warnings, crackdowns. If they're not based in truth and reality, they mean nothing. I know lies and misinterpretations can hurt, but ....pfft. what can we do when smacked with lying shits? ;)

TWop Howard? I thought she was tough but fair. I know she's got a rep but I kinda loved her altruism. She was fair and kind to me; I loved her verve and think she loved me back. (I'm Swedish. Maybe that's my problem! Ha!) If you're here Howard, xoxox!

Love all my JJ sisters and brothers here. xoxox!

[AngelaHunter]

I got banned there for comparing Idol's David Archuleta to a young David Cassidy and Donnie Osmond. Apparently, that was "inflammatory."

 

This one is a head-scratcher. I can think of a lot of things that may be inflammatory, but this? Who knew mentioning two long-ago teenybopper idols could inflame anyone?

 

Sleekandchic was quite the object of ridicule. Snitch, liar, full of herself.

 

 

We don't care how full of yourself you are. We like you anyway.:D

 

Aside from the spankings I got, I did enjoy TwoP and love it here. In other forums, trolls are allowed to squat as long as they like, boring people to death or flaming each other. Much better this way!

[sleekandchic]

This one is a head-scratcher. I can think of a lot of things that may be inflammatory, but this? Who knew mentioning two long-ago teenybopper idols could inflame anyone?

 

 

We don't care how full of yourself you are. We like you anyway.:D

 

Aside from the spankings I got, I did enjoy TwoP and love it here. In other forums, trolls are allowed to squat as long as they like, boring people to death or flaming each other. Much better this way!

Ha! Thanks AH! :) forgot to mention that once TWOP Howard arrived, she removed my onw warning point all by herself. I didnt ask for that consideration because that was another ground for banning (asking for warning-removal, I mean). So TWOP H will always have a place in my full-of-myself tender heart. :)

Happy Sunday to all. xxxoxo

[MizArk]

To make it clear, I loved the community at TWoP! I made a lot of friends there that are now my facebook friends and I feel like I know them all well. In the early days, back when I had dial-up and one phone line, my mother used to fuss at me because my phone line was always busy (pre-voice mail, lol), because I was on-line reading hilarious recaps of Roswell and Star Trek: Enterpriise (T'Pol the crack-ho, still makes me fall out laughing). And the early American Idol recaps, with the monster-beneath-the-seal (can't spell the name right) making comments about the singers. I'm sure it was the viciousness among some posters there that led to over-moderation, and I'm glad this seems to be a friendlier, more relaxed atmosphere here, with friendlier moderation.

[Christina]

TWoP Howard was the reason I never joined. She seemed to be the moderator of every forum I read, and would suddenly lock them until she could get around to "cleaning them up" even though there was nothing hateful, argumentative or off-topic going on. I remember one Teem Mom thread had an interesting conversation going on, with about 10 posts on it, that she froze then deleted. I don't remember what it was, but let's say, for example, someone mentioned that Leah's behavior was similar to a drug addict's and someone else agreed and wondered if MTV would cover it up. Then someone would suggest that yes or no they would cover it up and BAM! locked and deleted. 

 

She'd yell Boards on Boards about things that were discussing something that happened in the show, all because some asked "Did I see this correctly?" and someone would respond, "I think you saw...." Oh no! you addressed another poster, even though you were answering their question. Knock it off! Warning! Blegh.

[AngelaHunter]

TWoP Howard was the reason I never joined.

 

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I guess to some people, moderating a discussion forum is just more power than they can handle.;p

 

She'd yell Boards on Boards about things that were discussing something that happened in the show, all because some asked "Did I see this correctly?" and someone would respond, "I think you saw...."

 

So that's what it meant? I never did figure it out. Thanks!

[teebax]

No thanks- I like PreviouslyTV a lot better.  No mods with PMS and changing rules.  

 

 

It was probably okay.  After all, I think most of us found this site because of something shared on the other site.

 

What bugged me most about the other place was the "boards on boards" rule.  It was like being with friends in a particular place, and not being allowed to talk about that place. 

 

Also TWOP Howard.  Gah! 

I wouldn't go back to TWOP if you paid me. Seriously, they made me so paranoid about posting I prefaced every freaking thing I wrote with, "In my opinion..." I also often said, "You're mileage my vary, of course." 

 

Despite all of my hard work, I still managed to get multiple short-term bans, which were their version of a timeout. Those mods were the Soup Nazis of the internet. I'm so glad to have found PTV and all you fine people.

 

In other news, guess who's a new mom? Yep, a relative had three children taken away by CPS. One of them, a 14-year old girl, was returned to the house after a weekend in a group home since she's 14 and vehemently denied any abuse was occurring and insisted she's fine and wants to be at home.

 

The 13-year-old boy, who made the physical abuse allegations, is on the spectrum, has severe ADHD, and also has epilepsy. He's combative with his teachers and even threatened to beat up a police officer who was detaining him after he attacked his principal.

 

While my heart breaks for him, it was his constant allegations of abuse that led to CPS intervening, and I'm not comfortable having him in my home. One time he even accused me of hitting him, which I'd never ever do. Many of you know, I transitioned into teaching, so any allegation of abuse, even unfounded, could jeopardize me professionally.

 

I volunteered to foster the 6-year old boy. He's such a great kid; he's really smart and has an amazing vocabulary, but he's also well-behaved. Some smart kids are annoying (hell, I was annoying and smart.) This one is super cool. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm enjoying parenting and find myself looking forward to doing neat stuff with him: baseball games, museums, movies, swimming, etc.

 

Anyway, it looks like the little guy is going to be with me for at least a few months. Let's see if full-time parenting changes my opinions about some of our parent-of-the-year candidates we see on JJ. I doubt it will.

[Guest]

Congrats, teebax! At least we know there's one parent out there who won't be appear on JJ because their child was left unattended with a BB gun.

[momtoall]

Let's see if full-time parenting changes my opinions about some of our parent-of-the-year candidates we see on JJ.

 

 

No it won't, because you'll handle the challenges (and there will probably be challenges) of parenthood, without going full on cray-cray.

[AngelaHunter]

I volunteered to foster the 6-year old boy. He's such a great kid; he's really smart and has an amazing vocabulary, but he's also well-behaved.

 

Oh, wow! That's big news. At least we know ONE kid won't be a hell spawn. Congratuations.:)

[SandyToes]

Wishing you all the best, teebax! Parenting can be very scary and intimidating, but also wonderful, warm, and hilarious.  Sometimes curling up on the sofa in your jammies and watching cartoons together is the best time ever.  It sounds like you and your new young man are both very lucky.

[teebax]

Thanks, everyone. I don't know how long it will last, but I'm going to do what I can to ensure he is well taken care of and feels the love he wasn't getting in his old home.

[LAgator77]

What is it that JJ always says, something like "when you're telling the truth you don't have to think"? Even when people are lying on JJ, they're lying about actual events. They know the details of what happened, they're just "tweaking" the facts to make it more favorable to their case. On the shows I work on so much is being made up on the spot you can see the wheels turning, you can see them "thinking" about what they're going to say. I don't think the "crazy-ness" of the case has anything to do with the show's legitimacy... We have done some boring-ass fake cases over the years.

So I'm finally back to work on my court shows and I thought about this thread earlier today. My statement above was in response to a question about telling the difference between real and fake court shows. I picked up on another "tell" today that I noticed a lot. When speaking about time or money, nothing is in exact terms. Everything is "about 6 months ago" or "around $1,500." I know on JJ she asks for and the litigants (usually) know exact dates and exact amounts of money. I don't think there's any particular reason for the vague terms other than sloppy acting. 

[AngelaHunter]

What is it that JJ always says, something like "when you're telling the truth you don't have to think"? Even when people are lying on JJ, they're lying about actual events. They know the details of what happened, they're just "tweaking" the facts to make it more favorable to their case.

 

What she says is, "If you tell the truth you don't have to have a good memory." Very true. So often litigants can't remember the lies they told on their answers even long enough to repeat them accurately on the show.

 

Tweaking the facts is one thing. Saying you had insurance when you didn't, or saying you paid someone back when you gave them not a penny isn't tweaking. It's lying, and really dumb lying when it's so easily exposed.

 

[suomi]

re the ex, Shiftless and Slovenly, appearing soon on JJ:

 

I do remember some yammering about him getting his JJ check last week. he's never had a bank account until he opened one for Social Security direct deposits two years ago when he got out of prison. he spends what he gets in the first couple weeks of the month so he had no funds available to back up depositing his JJ check, and god forbid he should wait a week for it to clear. somewhere in all of that he mentioned that "they have to pay up" before his case can air (because, doncha know, there are rules in life for everyone except him). he skates all the damn  time and it pisses me off. the last time he was in prison (two and a half for spousal battery) the staff dropped a dime on him to SS and his payments should have stopped because you can't double-dip: the taxpayers are not on the hook for your incarceration costs AND your SS. he whined about that because SS "bribes and entices" prisons to "rat people out." but, guess what? SS gave him a lump sum payment after he was released. about 18 months ago he got two DUIs in three days, plus an open container, plus residue, plus he tested dirty for amphetamines. all while on parole. he dodged appearing in court for a year and then when he did show up they let him plead guilty to one DUI and all the rest of it disappeared. WT everloving F?

[DoctorK]

 

he got two DUIs in three days, plus an open container, plus residue, plus he tested dirty for amphetamines. all while on parole

Wow, I am impressed, but not in a good way.

[Guest]

he's never had a bank account until he opened one for Social Security direct deposits two years ago when he got out of prison. he spends what he gets in the first couple weeks of the month

WOW! He's like the ultimate perfect storm of a Judge Judy litigant: No bank account, received assistance, in and out of prison, drug problem. Does he have spinners on his car?

Please say "yes."

[designing1]

 

the staff dropped a dime on him to SS and his payments should have stopped because you can't double-dip: the taxpayers are not on the hook for your incarceration costs AND your SS. he whined about that because SS "bribes and entices" prisons to "rat people out." but, guess what? SS gave him a lump sum payment after he was released.

 

Not even 9AM and my head is ready to explode. So...folks go to prison and there isn't an automatic system in place that notifies SS to stop payments, they have to be "ratted out"? What convict is going to call SS and report their own incarceration? Then when they get out they get a lump-sum payment for the time when the rest of us were paying for their upkeep? That's beyond insane.

[AuntiePam]

I'm okay with prisoners getting their SS -- it's an entitlement, they earned it.  But there should be a mechanism in place so that the cost of their jail time is deducted from that payment.  The SS wouldn't be enough to cover the cost, but they should at least pay something. 

 

I was at the local SSA office when a prisoner was brought in -- cuffed and shackled.  He was there to complain that he wasn't getting his SS checks.  The clerk explained it to him.  The guy was seething.  I was never so glad to see those chains and those guards.

[AngelaHunter]

But there should be a mechanism in place so that the cost of their jail time is deducted from that payment.

 

You are so right. If someone decides to commit crimes and then gets caught (and they almost always get caught because most criminals are really dumb) why should hard-working, law-abiding citizens have to foot the bills for their meals, medical bills and recreation? Or let them go out and break rocks or clean up highways to at least earn part of the free ride they're getting.

[suomi]

WOW! He's like the ultimate perfect storm of a Judge Judy litigant: No bank account, received assistance, in and out of prison, drug problem. Does he have spinners on his car?

Please say "yes."

 

he had one of those small trucks but he wrecked it during the second DUI. he doesn't remember the accident so he refers to it as "the alleged accident." I didn't press for further details because sometimes I. just. can't. but things are looking up: he's in the process of getting his general contractor's license back so he can take on an apprentice who can then get his own license after a certain number of years. he's sweating the fingerprint/background check but not really since he's never been arrested or done time for fraud/embezzlement. it would be amusing if he wasn't such a menace to society

[suomi]

I'm okay with prisoners getting their SS -- it's an entitlement, they earned it.  But there should be a mechanism in place so that the cost of their jail time is deducted from that payment.  The SS wouldn't be enough to cover the cost, but they should at least pay something. 

 

I was at the local SSA office when a prisoner was brought in -- cuffed and shackled.  He was there to complain that he wasn't getting his SS checks.  The clerk explained it to him.  The guy was seething.  I was never so glad to see those chains and those guards.

 

Usually I try to rise above it but the glee and gloating over the lump sum payment got to me. So I said "They might suspend or deduct from your SS if and when they realize their error." He gets scary quiet when he is crossed or questioned and responded with "But it's. My. Money." I said "Technically, it's not. Your deductions over the years paid for retirees at that time, and today's workers are paying you now." "But it's. My Money. I. paid. in." I said "OK, should they stop paying you when what you have received equals what you contributed? Or should they continue to pay you more than what you contributed, since it's. Your. Money?" Click. The asshole hung up on me.

 

For convoluted reasons which change somewhat with each telling, SS is currently deducting 25% from his benefit so I do suspect that their previous error was noted. I qualify for Medicare Part A and I pay for Medicare Part B and a Medicare prescription plan. But due to his "reduced circumstances" ol' Shiftless and Slovenly gets it all for free. I worked steadily over the years but never made a ton of money. He, meanwhile, after he quit building homes had nothing but city, county and state jobs (code enforcement officer, plan checker, building inspector) and even worked for FEMA for a few years. He made bank then and is on welfare today, I struggled all along and continue to struggle. During his recent 9-day hospital stay due to a brain bleed he strong-armed the staff into giving him Dilaudid because "morphine ain't shit." While trying to pretend to me that he'd never heard of Dilaudid before. Riiiiight.

[Brattinella]

My HUGE sympathy goes out to you, suomi!

[AngelaHunter]

he's in the process of getting his general contractor's license back

 

Is that like all the litigants who spend two years "working on" getting insurance, a driver's license or a job? I always enjoy hearing that.

[Quof]

We call that "just fixin' ".   "He was just fixin' to get a job."

[designing1]

As someone who recently completed a kitchen/bath reno -- and who was terrified to even choose a contractor because of all the horror stories out there -- he sounds like the contractor of my nightmares. He'd probably show up drunk, or high, or would get arrested in the middle of the project.

[suomi]

Aww, you peeps are great. I appreciate all the cool comments and I am looking forward to how much we will enjoy his appearance!

[teebax]

Aww, you peeps are great. I appreciate all the cool comments and I am looking forward to how much we will enjoy his appearance!

Sorry if I missed it, but did you say when this fool's episode is going to be on? I'm a little behind in viewing but want to make sure I see this one since you've provided so much backstory.

[DoctorK]

I hope we get to see it, but I just checked my Cox Cable TV guide and it says that Mon-Wes are all reruns but on Thur & Fri, both shows (4:00 and 4:30 here) are all new cases as opposed to the 4:30 show normally being reruns. I am confused and wonder if Cox, or the Mobile based TV station or the show it self are just messing with us.

[AngelaHunter]

I appreciate all the cool comments and I am looking forward to how much we will enjoy his appearance!

 

We have our various snacks ready and will be happy to jeer at him on your behalf.

[suomi]

Sorry if I missed it, but did you say when this fool's episode is going to be on? I'm a little behind in viewing but want to make sure I see this one since you've provided so much backstory.

 

He says he will be notified before it airs but I'm not relying on them or him so I keep checking "This Week On Judge Judy." The synopsis of his case will be something like "Landlady sues for non-payment and tenant countersues for value of property stolen by landlady." Also part of the case: she claims he stole her meds and he claims she gave/traded the meds willingly. BTW, I met her last summer and she is a pip. He has a lifelong history of raiding every bathroom/medicine cabinet to which he has access so my money is on her re the meds.

We have our various snacks ready and will be happy to jeer at him on your behalf.

 

If we all watch with our windows open perhaps some of us will hear simultaneous jeering and hooting!

[Brattinella]

He says he will be notified before it airs but I'm not relying on them or him so I keep checking "This Week On Judge Judy." The synopsis of his case will be something like "Landlady sues for non-payment and tenant countersues for value of property stolen by landlady." Also part of the case: she claims he stole her meds and he claims she gave/traded the meds willingly. BTW, I met her last summer and she is a pip. He has a lifelong history of raiding every bathroom/medicine cabinet to which he has access so my money is on her re the meds.

 

If we all watch with our windows open perhaps some of us will hear simultaneous jeering and hooting!

 

This sounds like several prior episodes.

[ponyglue]

Does anyone know where to go to watch JJ online?  Other than YouTube? I don't have teevee anymore and I need my JJ fix!

[califred]

My guide says 2 new eps both Thur and Fri, sadly none of the descriptions fit 

[teebax]

33 minutes ago, ponyglue said:

Does anyone know where to go to watch JJ online?  Other than YouTube? I don't have teevee anymore and I need my JJ fix!

I've only ever found them legally on YouTube. I also have a DVD with some of her favorite cases, but I don't think they've issued another one. It's several years old now. 

If you're willing to go the illegal route, I'm sure you can find streams of JJ episodes. I've never looked, but everything else is out there so her show probably is too.

i don't understand the reasoning behind two days of new episodes. Isn't it usually at least a week? Like many litigants, I'm confused.

[califred]

It's almost May sweeps I'm guessing we will get all new for a couple of weeks.

[AngelaHunter]

Quote

I've only ever found them legally on YouTube.

You need to be quick to view them. They don't last long. I posted one, 15-minute case and not only was it removed but I got put in YT jail for months.

[stephinmn]

On 4/13/2016 at 2:03 PM, AZChristian said:

 

No thanks- I like PreviouslyTV a lot better.  No mods with PMS and changing rules.  

I STILL don't understand "boards on boards." They waited wayyy too long to relaunch and everyone has moved on.

[califred]

I never understood boards on boards.  It was the most random thing ever.

[Milz]

On 4/28/2016 at 7:29 PM, AngelaHunter said:

You need to be quick to view them. They don't last long. I posted one, 15-minute case and not only was it removed but I got put in YT jail for months.

Okay...I gotta know....what happens in YT jail?

[AngelaHunter]

Quote

what happens in YT jail?

Humiliation and agony. First they delete the offending video. Next, they make all your private/unlisted videos public. Finally they throw you into a dreary cell and force you to watch Rick Astley videos until they decide you've learned to not even think the words, "Copyright violation."

[Rick Kitchen]

That's cruel and unusual punishment.

[Zahdii]

Regarding cases where one of the litigants won't shut up, even when it's hurting their case, I was actually involved in one.  Granted, it wasn't a televised case, just local, and I wasn't the one who wouldn't shut up, but the case provided many laughs for the audience.

Here we go:  I had just been told I was a diabetic and was returning home after buying a blood glucose meter.  I was pretty freaked out about the whole thing, so when a cop pulled me over I barely listened to what he had to say.  Cop said I was driving on studded tires after the cutoff date and I just wanted to go home.  The vehicle I was driving had had studded tires on it and I'd thought that they'd been removed, (hubby took care of that sort of stuff back then), and I wasn't in the mood to argue.  I just took the ticket.

Got home, showed hubby the ticket and he exploded.  Seems we had a type of tire that had metal plugs in them that studs could be screwed into during the winter and then removed for use the rest of the year.  I don't think they're legal anymore.  Anyway, the metal plugs made a sort of 'clicky' sound on the road that was reminiscent of the sound of studs on bare pavement.  First warm day of the year, cop's driving by with his window down and hears the clicky sound as I pass him.  Cop turns around and pulls me over.  I'm not in the mood to talk, I say I thought my husband had switched out the tires and take the ticket.  I get home and hubby explodes, wondering why I didn't argue with the cop.  I explain that I just found out I'm a diabetic and had stopped by Fred Meyer to buy a blood glucos meter, kind of shell shocked, etc.  (BTW, it turned out later that I wasn't diabetic, it was an error.  But I got all the entertainment of learning how to sync up a meter, test my blood, etc. before the mistake was found out.)

Anyway, since hubby decided we're not paying the ticket, we showed up at court and I barely got to acknowledge my name after the charges were read before my husband went on a rant about the whole thing.  He was telling the judge about the tires, and how the studs had been removed and he had the receipt for the tire shop to prove it.  Then he went on to go on about how The State was too intrusive in people's lives, and how the cop should have known from the sound of the tires that there weren't studs in there, and how he took advantage of a woman who had just gotten bad news about her health to write a ticket, etc.

The judge was trying to ask questions, trying to tell my husband that the charge was against ME and to let me speak, etc.  The whole time I was muttering "Shut up, shut up!  Oh God, please SHUT UP!"  Husband kept talking and I could see that the judge was getting riled up, and I kept telling my husband to shut up.  The audience started laughing, the judge was getting pretty testy, and I had visions of my husband being tased and arrested.  I didn't want to see what was happening anymore, I just looked down at the podium.  My husband was still talking, people were still laughing, and I was still begging him to shut up, only by that point I was trying to unobtrusively kick him sideways with my foot.  "Shut up!" <kick>  "Shut up!" <kick> "OH GOD, WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!"  <kick> <Kick> <KICK>

Guess what?  The podium we were standing at had a microphone, and it was on.  We were only a few yards from the judge, so I guess I didn't think it was on.  He should have been able to hear us, so I didn't think the mic was live.  My 'unobtrusive' pleas to my husband were audible to everyone in the room, and as my husband kept talking and I kept pleading with him to shut up, my pleas got louder.  I finally figured it out when my voice reverberated through the room the last time.  "OH GOD, WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!"  My kicks didn't go unnoticed either.

Well, my husband finally shut up, we were both embarrassed, the audience was laughing and pointing.  The bailiffs were amused.  Even the judge, while still testy, asked my husband if he could refrain from speaking so he could talk to me.  My husband wasn't really ready to admit he was being an ass, but the general feeling of having everyone laugh at him while he made a fool of himself was enough.  He stepped back so the judge could tell me that if I had proof that the tires on the vehicle I was driving had had the studs removed he would cancel the ticket.

Ticket cancelled.

[augmentedfourth]

I'll admit I once had to get the last word in court. (My only appearance, at least.) I went to college in upstate New York, and one year on my way home for winter break, two days before Christmas, I was the third car caught in a speed trap at the bottom of a hill. My parents advised me to go to court and see if I could plead it down, so I did. So I went to the courthouse in this bumfuck town in the middle of nowhere (no wonder people sped through it, I maintained), where I was the only one dressed in appropriate courtroom attire. I met with the state trooper who pulled me over, and he said I could plead it down to a non-moving violation, pay a fine, and not get any points on my license.

 

I was one of the first people called up before the judge, and he took one look at me and asked me where I went to college. I told him, and it was one of the well-known music schools in the state (and I was, in fact, a music major). We went through the whole routine, I got ready to pay my fine for the non-moving violation, and he told me to "go back up to school and keep singing".

 

I looked him in the eye and said, "I'm not a voice major, I play the bassoon." No way in hell was I letting any sort of official record or transcript imply that I was a voice major. Nope nope nope. He just waved me off and I got out of there as quickly as (legally) possible.

[DoctorK]

I have not been in court (except as a witness or an expert witness (congressional hearings which are a lot like court) but some of my friends have had more experience in that. Dress reasonably, be polite, answer questions and things will go better for you. Come in a torn T-shirt, flip flops and mouth off and things will not go well for you. How difficult is this?

Edited May 9, 2016 by DoctorK

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

Quote

Regarding cases where one of the litigants won't shut up, even when it's hurting their case, I was actually involved in one.

When I split from my (now) ex husband I had to get a restraining order for myself and my daughter - had the temp order and had to go to court to get the permanent one. I was still having some major PTSD over the whole thing (long sordid story). So I just stood there like a bump on a log and answered the judge's questions in a monotone. The judge turns to my (now ) Ex to ask him a question and he stands up with a pile of papers and starts giving this "opening argument" story about what a wretched wife I had been, I was domineering and manipulating (apparently he had been watching Divorce Court when he prepared). The judge just started yelling at him, asking him "why are you going around scaring these people?"  and pretty much pulled the wheels on his little red wagon at that point. (and yes, we got the permanent restraining order)