Small Talk: The Cabana

[walnutqueen]

walnutqueen if you start reading from this page forward  http://forums.previously.tv/topic/26532-chit-chat/page-10 you will find a lot of cat support, from a couple others who have recently lost their cats and are going through your sadness. 

 

Thanks, stewedsquash - I've checked it out in the past and may wander over that way again when the acute pain and swollen fucking crylids have somewhat subsided.  :~)

 

Animal people are the BEST.

[imjagain]

Anybody got a Xanax they could get to me before 3 this afternoon? Because I somehow have to get it together enough to bear witness to yet another cat death, and I am about done with all this unbearable loss shit year after year. This time it's the stray I've been pampering back to "health" and taming for almost 2 years - turns out he's much sicker than I ever imagined, and euthanasia is the only viable option. I truly believed I could get him neutered, tested & have a couple of his teeth yanked ... MAYBE even give him a nice little indoor life. Instead, I'm losing my Li'l Ole Man with Jackson Avery Eyes, and I am totally gutted, again. GODDAMMIT - this is 100% pain, yet again. Move on over, Kimmie - I've just usurped your pity card!

Thanks for letting me vent. y'all - I feel much stronger now.

I'm so so sorry walnutqueen. My heart goes out to you. I know how much you love your friends. Big (((hugs))) from me.

[Satchels of gold]

Anybody got a Xanax they could get to me before 3 this afternoon?  Because I somehow have to get it together enough to bear witness to yet another cat death, and I am about done with all this unbearable loss shit year after year.  This time it's the stray I've been pampering back to "health" and taming for almost 2 years - turns out he's much sicker than I ever imagined, and euthanasia is the only viable option.  I truly believed I could get him neutered, tested & have a couple of his teeth yanked ... MAYBE even give him a nice little indoor life.  Instead, I'm losing my Li'l Ole Man with Jackson Avery Eyes, and I am totally gutted, again.  GODDAMMIT - this is 100% pain, yet again.  Move on over, Kimmie - I've just usurped your pity card!

 

Thanks for letting me vent. y'all - I feel much stronger now.

I just popped in to see what if anything is going on w Kim and I saw this. I am sooooo sorry. I don't have the right words but I've been there more times then I care to remember and it hurts like hell.

[Lura]

I can only echo the words of posters before me.  I stopped in here to see what was going on, and I find that some of you are in terrible pain, physically and emotionally.  I feel so sorry for each of you.  I have pain at the back of my neck and too many other places to mention, and I'm on three kinds of pain medications all day and night.  I've also lost precious cats who were like members of my family, so I feel for you in every way.  I wish I could give each of you a warm and loving hug.  Let's hope that our bodies and spirits can be relieved of these burdens as time goes on.  I guess we never appreciate the good things in life until we hit a bump in the road, and then we pray for normalcy again.  XO to all.

[walnutqueen]

Lura - I am sorry for your pain, too.  Chronic pain wears down your body and your spirit, I know.  It has been my experience that you learn to live with physical and emotional pain, and somehow find the strength to live with a "new normal".

[Lura]

Thank you, Walnut Queen.  I think that those times in life which challenge us to bend with our new circumstances, like it or not, truly do become "the new normal."  I'd like to borrow that phrase from you.  I've always referred to those times as periods of adjustment, but they're much more than that.

 

ETA:  I finally found time this morning to read the past two pages, and I learned about your own pain, Walnut Queen, as well as the misery that others are living with.  Now, I'm doubly sorry for all of you. 

 

My favorite actress, Katherine Hepburn, told an anecdote that I've always  liked.  She said that whenever people would call her to ask how she was, she would always reply, "Fine ... if you don't ask for details!" 

Edited October 25, 2015 by Lura

[walnutqueen]

Lura - I spent too many years believing my physical situation would improve, if I could only find the right solution.  That brought me to a place of frustration and despair.  It wasn't until I accepted my disability and learned to live with my pain and all the things I could no longer do that I achieved some semblance of "normalcy" in my life.  Part of that was embracing my "difference" - I'm not like other people anymore, and don't live like them, either, but I no longer feel like I have to make any excuses or justify my lifestyle to anyone else (if that makes any sense).  It's like dealing with emotional trauma or loss.  You can't get back to who you once were, because it has changed you profoundly, but you learn to live through it and accept how it has changed you, and go on with life.

 

I do hope you find some relief and a semblance of peace in your journey.

[savannah1985]

Anyone see those Sea World commercials where they talk about how much they love their captive killer whales? Just saw one today. They are so full of crap. As if there's any justification for keeping captive an animal with a home range of several thousand miles. It makes me sick. Don't go to Sea World. You may be watching a whale that killed someone because of the stress. And no, they don't capture whales any more. They breed them and split up families so the gene lines don't get too close. They take baby whales from their mothers and the mother's freak. Check it out. It's all documented.

ETA for further info watch the documentary "Blackfish" or read "Death at Sea World".

Edited November 1, 2015 by savannah1985

[walnutqueen]

Anyone see those Sea World commercials where they talk about how much they love their captive killer whales? Just saw one today. They are so full of crap. As if there's any justification for keeping captive an animal with a home range of several thousand miles. It makes me sick. Don't go to Sea World. You may be watching a whale that killed someone because of the stress. And no, they don't capture whales any more. They breed them and split up families so the gene lines don't get too close. They take baby whales from their mothers and the mother's freak. Check it out. It's all documented.

ETA for further info watch the documentary "Blackfish" or read "Death at Sea World".

 

I totally agree, savannah1985.  Those local SeaWorld ads with the trainers telling us how healthy and happy their whales are make me want to vomit.  I was cheering when the Coastal Commission put all those restrictions on SeaWorld's proposed expansion; but you know they will challenge that ruling in court.  SeaWorld is getting desperate, though - their profits are WAY down since Blackfish was released and all the protests got louder.

[Almost 3000]

I totally agree, savannah1985.  Those local SeaWorld ads with the trainers telling us how healthy and happy their whales are make me want to vomit.  I was cheering when the Coastal Commission put all those restrictions on SeaWorld's proposed expansion; but you know they will challenge that ruling in court.  SeaWorld is getting desperate, though - their profits are WAY down since Blackfish was released and all the protests got louder.

I find the SeaWorld trainers, the new Colonel Sanders and the 1-800-Dentist guy all really creepy.

[Cosmic Muffin]

One of the One Direction guys told their fans to boycott Seaworld. I think One Direction's influence is waning, but I appreciate then trying to do some good with their influence. I think Sea World's days are numbered, just like how circuses are having to give up their animals too.

[Lura]

Stewed, I'm so glad to read what you wrote because I thought I was the only person who felt that way about circuses and zoos, etc.  I can't stand to see those lovely animals, taken from their natural habitats, and penned in cages for people to gawk at.  Also, I always have a sneaking suspicion that they're not as well cared for and fed as they could be, although I have no proof that that's the case.

[walnutqueen]

Here in San Diego, SeaWorld just announced they are phasing out the Shamu orca show - BUT they will be replacing it with an "Orca Experience" show that's supposedly more "natural" and with "a strong conservation message".  They are also still fighting to retain their captive breeding program.  :-(

[Rhetorica]

Two new forums have been approved for Dallas & Potomac!

[Cosmic Muffin]

The times are changing, and Sea World and circuses can go down fighting, but at this point enough people know better than to support them. I suspect Sea World is desperate and trying to save face, but I don't see them being able to continue even somehow revamped and more natural. The end of their exploitation of whales is in sight.

[Lura]

A very good friend of our family graduated from college and was thrilled to find the job he wanted as an executive at Sea World.  He was there for four or maybe five years -- and then he was gone.  While he had been extremely satisfied with his job, there were things he saw that he didn't like, and finally his conscience got the better of him.  There was apparently a good bit of covering up going on because even after he quit, he told others that he had moved on, but he didn't reveal why he left, except to us and his other close friends.  He became discouraged that things would never change. He's an ethical guy, and I had to hand it to him for jumping ship.

[EVS]

I just wanted to leave a message of sympathy and support for the victims of the terrorist attacks in Paris and their families.

[chenoa333]

A very good friend of our family graduated from college and was thrilled to find the job he wanted as an executive at Sea World. He was there for four or maybe five years -- and then he was gone. While he had been extremely satisfied with his job, there were things he saw that he didn't like, and finally his conscience got the better of him. There was apparently a good bit of covering up going on because even after he quit, he told others that he had moved on, but he didn't reveal why he left, except to us and his other close friends. He became discouraged that things would never change. He's an ethical guy, and I had to hand it to him for jumping ship.

I recall when I moved to California in the 80's there was a big news story regarding San Diego Wild Animal Park. Apparently a tourist video taped an elephant trainer abusing the elephant. The trainer had no idea he could be seen by the public riding the parks tram. God bless video cams

[Lura]

It's a little bit early, but I want to wish every one of my kind friends on this board a Happy Thanksgiving. 

 

When I first came to this board and the RHOBH thread, I knew no one here and felt a little bit strange.  You made me feel welcome, and before I knew it, this thread and you fellow posters made me feel at home.   I love this board and the people in it, and you're one of my biggest blessings.

 

Whether you're having turkey or chicken (like us) or something else, I hope you have lots of blessings to be thankful for and even more in  the coming year.

 

XO

Edited November 23, 2015 by Lura

[talula]

It's a little bit early, but I want to wish every one of my kind friends on this board a Happy Thanksgiving. 

 

When I first came to this board and the RHOBH thread, I knew no one here and felt a little bit strange.  You made me feel welcome, and before I knew it, this thread and you fellow posters made me feel at home.   I love this board and the people in it, and you're one of my biggest blessings.

 

Whether you're having turkey or chicken (like us) or something else, I hope you have lots of blessings to be thankful for and even more in  the coming year.

 

XO

Happy Thanksgiving Lura and all PT members:

[walnutqueen]

I've said it before (many times, I'll admit), but it bears repeating - PTVers are just the best people.  I am most thankful to have made so many good friends here.

 

Even though I don't celebrate the holidays myself, I wish you all a lovely day!

[NewDigs]

Thanksgiving does pretty good tv.

The Macy's Parade followed by the National Dog Show make for a great accompaniment to mimosas and attempts at decorating the tree.

And naps.

[walnutqueen]

NewDigs, on 24 Nov 2015 - 4:48 PM, said:

Thanksgiving does pretty good tv.

The Macy's Parade followed by the National Dog Show make for a great accompaniment to mimosas and attempts at decorating the tree.

And naps.

 

Oh, my gosh, my life since retirement is all about the naps!  I haven't been able to sleep properly since my last injury, but there is nothing more satisfying and luxurious to me than nodding off whenever I'm tired, and sleeping for as long (or as little) as my body will allow.  Mimosas are sure to assist in the never-ending quest for rest.   I also love eating whenever I'm hungry, and following the natural patterns my body - not social norms - dictates.  Free at last!   ;-)

 

Waves to chenoa333 - I've been living in north San Diego County since the mid 80s, so we have something in common!

[eurekagirl mOo]

Happy Thanksgiving to all the wonderful PTV posters on the housewives boards.....Now can somebody pretty please open a thread for the Season 1 special that was just on? I'm a dying to dish!

[walnutqueen]

eurekagirl mOo, on 25 Nov 2015 - 1:25 PM, said:

Happy Thanksgiving to all the wonderful PTV posters on the housewives boards.....Now can somebody pretty please open a thread for the Season 1 special that was just on? I'm a dying to dish!

 

eurekagirl mOo - people have been dishing about it over on the Past Seasons: 1-3 thread.  Come join the reindeer games!  :-D

[eurekagirl mOo]

Thanks walnut queen!! Hopping right over to snark..

[Cosmic Muffin]

My Thanksgiving is today so yesterday was low key. Never the less, I had a dream last night about beating up first Kim, then Kyle. Kim to me represents addiction, Kyle represents codependency. I'm not sure how this fits my life right now, but maybe I need to see if I'm being codependent in some way. I didn't visit these threads or watch and Real Housewives, I really don't know where the dream came from. First I dispatched Kim, then I was whaling on Kyle, winning, and really enjoying it.

[Wings]

I am so happy this season has begun!  I enjoy posting about this show more than most others.   

[savannah1985]

I am so stressed out. I live with my grandma, my mother, my uncle and my son. My aunt used to live here but she passed away in March. My grandma had a stroke ten years ago and her condition is getting worse and worse. My mom, my uncle and I don't have jobs because it takes all three of us to care properly for grandma. We live on grandma's retirement, and until she died,my aunt's retirement. Now we have only one source of income and I'm in charge of the budget and there's no money! And to top it all off, a man who I thought cared for me very rudely just dumped me for "somebody better" =

I am devastated and unfortunately, very depressed. I'm thinking suicide again and I haven't felt that way in years. I'm seeing my doctor on Monday, so I just gotta get through the weeekend. Why are men such bastards?

Edited December 18, 2015 by savannah1985

[Wings]

Awwwwww, Savannah!  My heart goes out to you.  It is time to take care of yourself and your son.  I hope your doctor is able to steer you in the direction of help and give you some medication.  

 

Have you considered leaving the care of grandma to your mother and uncle and moving out on your own?  

 

Help Exchange is where you can get volunteer help in exchange for a room.  I have a friend who travels around and does this in order to experience different parts of the country. 

https://www.helpx.net/

 

Google volunteer help, there are more.  

 

I understand that you feel responsible and believe you cannot leave.  Well, you can.  Please don't be a martyr.  Your son needs you and a normal life, so do you.  

Edited December 18, 2015 by wings707

[SCS]

I am so stressed out. I live with my grandma, my mother, my uncle and my son. My aunt used to live here but she passed away in March. My grandma had a stroke ten years ago and her condition is getting worse and worse. My mom, my uncle and I don't have jobs because it takes all three of us to care properly for grandma. We live on grandma's retirement, and until she died,my aunt's retirement. Now we have only one source of income and I'm in charge of the budget and there's no money! 

I don't know where you live but five people with one of them a disabled senior and the other a minor and only one source of income should qualify your household for assistance. Have you investigated the county and state programs in your area (or the equiv if you're not in the US)?

[savannah1985]

I can't leave my mom and uncle with grandma because I'm the one with a bit of medical training and I'm as strong as a horse and they are in their late 50's. It's hard to get help because administrators see three people unemployed and then ask for proof of income. That's what SDG&E is doing right now. Grandma being disabled and our limited income means we qualify for rate reductions, but how do we prove a negative? They said bring in bank statements...we don't have jobs, why would we have bank accounts? Everything is like that and it's exasperating. And my poor grandma, she's such a mess but we have to take care of her because her house is reverse mortgaged and if she doesn't live here neither do we. I'm only 30 years old and emotionally I feel 80. I knew things were gonna be tough when my aunt died but I really had no idea.

Edited December 18, 2015 by savannah1985

[Wings]

Savanna, please think outside of the box you are in.  

 

Your son needs a happy, centered mother.  You need to create your own life outside of this situation.  You really do.  You need a solid, centered self, too!   You are young!  You need a life of your own.  Get help with this please.  I feel so sad for you.  Do this for your son.  He needs this if you don't see that you do.  

 

You could serve them better if you were happy, living on your own with a job and able to contribute a little.  Your grandmother must be able to qualify for a nursing home.  You would all be much happier including grandma.   That is a big step but what is the cost to having her home to all of you?  

 

Please, please, create a life with joy in it.   Where do you live?  

Edited December 18, 2015 by wings707

[savannah1985]

We live in San Diego and grandma cannot go to a nursing home. It will kill her and we've had enough death on our family right now.

[mbaywife123]

Start with your COUNTY Social Services Dept.

Call in and explain your circumstances and they should be able to schedule you an appointment with a case worker.

Be prepared to fill out a lot of paperwork and provide any financial information and assets that your grandmother may have,

You should be able to explain the reverse mortgage (I believe this would not count as her asset any more, but as the reverse mortgage holders).

Be honest and open with the case worker and they will guide you thru the process. You may have to also start by getting a power of attorney signed by your grandmother. (They will let you know)

They should be able to help evaluate your grandmothers health service needs and may be able to provide (IHSS) in home support services by either paying a outside care giver or pay you based on her need level.

Just be respectful of the case worker and let them know that you really need their expertise to help you thru this to see if there is any help available.

[savannah1985]

Great advice and when I can get my head together I will attempt to follow it. Everything seems so big and hopeless. It's absolutely overwhelming.

[mbaywife123]

You can do this!

You be strong for yourself and your son.

I had to deal with this about 8 years ago for my grandmother, I figured it out by myself ,no help or advice from anyone and I did it!(wonderful case worker). It may take a lot of your time, but is well worth all of your effort.

As far as the suicide just remember it is a permant solution for a temporary problem.

Your son needs you to show him how life can be hard but you can overcome bad situations and move forward.

[savannah1985]

My son is the only reason I'm still around.

[mbaywife123]

My son is the only reason I'm still around.

The best reason of all to stay put on this earth. He needs you forever and always!

[savannah1985]

There's a movie called "The Normal Heart" and I'd like to see if there's a thread for it but I can't find one...don't really know what I'm doing. Help, anyone?

[7isBlue]

There's a movie called "The Normal Heart" and I'd like to see if there's a thread for it but I can't find one...don't really know what I'm doing. Help, anyone?

Found it:

<http://forums.previously.tv/topic/7519-the-normal-heart/#entry348575>

[savannah1985]

Thank you so much!

[Lura]

Savannah, I just read your posts.  I'm sorry you're having problems, but there IS help for you.  Do you have a church within walking distance?  If so, I would strongly  suggest you go there, walk in, find the office, and talk with the minister or pastor or priest .or rabbi.  That is exactly what he and other members of the church are there for -- to help people.  No one will turn their backs on you.  They'll listen, and they'll do whatever they can to help you. 

 

I am not a religious fanatic, and much of the time, I'm too tired to go to church.  I do, though, believe in the power of churches to reach out their hands and help others who desperately need it, like you do.  Think about your precious son.  Show him that his mother will do anything to help and protect him.  For now, try to put that scumbag you were dating onto the back burner and think ONLY about saving yourself and your baby!  You need to stand tall and be a better person than someone who behaves like a wimp and threatens suicide.  That's no answer!  Think about strong women that you admire, and ask yourself how they would handle this.  Then, do what they would do.  Do it NOW!

 

People commit suicide because they hate themselves.  I think you hate your boyfriend more than you hate  yourself.  Do you know what I would do?  I would make up my mind to show that boyfriend just exactly how strong I am!  I would get some help right away from a church, and then I would get myself moving toward getting a job of some kind.  I don't think it takes three grown people to care for your grandmother.  The stronger you pretend you are, the stronger you will become.  A few years from now, you'll look back at all of this and be so glad you hung in there!

 

If you have a minister and a doctor on your side, good things will happen, so get going NOW, and good luck to you!

[Wings]

I am an atheist but Lura makes sense no matter what you believe.  They may help you get established with a social worker, find a job so you can live independently.  

 

 

You need to stand tall and be a better person than someone who behaves like a wimp and threatens suicide.  That's no answer!  Think about strong women that you admire, and ask yourself how they would handle this.  Then, do what they would do.  Do it NOW!

 

 

I don't think it takes three grown people to care for your grandmother. 

 

100 likes for this statement! 

[Wings]

Savannah.  You are responsible for creating your own life.  Do that.  You are not a victim unless you take on that role. Your son is your priority, not your grandmother.  She has her children to take care of her.  

 

Take some time to look at why you are there.  Is it that you have an inexpensive and comfortable place to live and life on your own scares you?  Look at that closely.  There is absolutely no shame in admitting that if true!  None.   

 

I will reflect Lura's wise words.  It does NOT take 3 adults and one child (god forbid) to take care of one woman who has had a stroke. 

Edited December 23, 2015 by wings707

[Lura]

Savannah, if you don't feel comfortable going to a church for help, then go to the nearest Salvation Army.  They do WONDERFUL things for people in your circumstances.  Every day, including on holidays, they feed the homeless and others who have no money.  They help in so many ways that I feel sure they could help you.  All you have to do is walk in and ask.

 

Let's talk about your former boyfriend for a minute.  As far as I can tell, he doesn't know the meaning of love or he never would have walked away from you.  Who needs a creep like that?  He wants the easy way out by leaving you.  Is THAT what you're willing to settle for?  I think that he was someone you could lean on, but that's about it.  A nice girl like you are should look for someone who cares about YOU, but I'd get my life in order before I looked.

 

If I could do anything, I'd talk you into doing one thing if that guy ever came to my door or called me again.  I'd tell him to TAKE A WALK!  That's exactly what you should do to show him your strength, but I'll bet you wouldn't do it.  It's too much easier for you to welcome him back with open arms and tell him how much you've missed him.  AND HE KNOWS THAT!!!!  The people on this thread have shown you more love than he has!

 

Christmas is coming up soon.  Get yourself to a church, or call the Salvation Army and find out what you need to do to give yourself and your family a nice, warm Christmas dinner.  They'll tell you, and that will make a wonderful gift to your loved ones.  On the day after Christmas, promise yourself that the first thing you'll do is to find a job

 

I know of a young man whose family of six people had nothing.  In order to eat, they went to the back of the supermarket every night and filled bags and boxes with food that the supermarket had discarded that day.  They took it home and cooked it.  He said that they ate pretty well!!!  They lived that way for a long time while they worked and saved their money.  This young man saved enough to go to cooking school, and today he's a highly respected chef in New York City!  How about that??!!!  Do you see what I'm saying?  There IS a way out of poverty.  There IS a road to success.  You just have to want to achieve it honestly and badly enough!  You don't steal.  You don't cheat.  You just work hard!  And you surround yourself with people who can love you, not discourage you.

 

Hold your baby close at least 3 times a day, and promise him, "Your mama is going to make a success of herself, and we'll be fine."

Edited December 24, 2015 by Lura

[SCS]

 

 

 

Christmas is coming up soon.  Get yourself to a church, or call the Salvation Army and find out what you need to do to give yourself and your family a nice, warm Christmas dinner.  They'll tell you, and that will make a wonderful gift to your loved ones.  On the day after Christmas, promise yourself that the first thing you'll do is to find a job

I know of a young man whose family of six people had nothing.  In order to eat, they went to the back of the supermarket every night and filled bags and boxes with food that the supermarket had discarded that day.  They took it home and cooked it.  He said that they ate pretty well!!!  They lived that way for a long time while they worked and saved their money.  This young man saved enough to go to cooking school, and today he's a highly respected chef in New York City!  How about that??!!!  Do you see what I'm saying?  There IS a way out of poverty.  There IS a road to success.  You just have to want to achieve it honestly and badly enough!  You don't steal.  You don't cheat.  You just work hard!  And you surround yourself with people who can love you, not discourage you.

Hold your baby close at least 3 times a day, and promise him, "Your mama is going to make a success of herself, and we'll be fine."

 

Lura, a marvelous post. And, like the ending of A Charlie Brown Christmas, it made me tear up. Damn, not even 9 AM and I'm already having a snivel....

[talula]

[Lura]

Talula, I wish I could give you a big, warm hug!  First of all, this is FINALLY the first time I've heard Michael Buble sing, and he's fantastic!  Secondly, this music is so perfect that it's a beautiful Christmas present for all of us.  Now, you've done it!  You've managed to bring Christmas right into our little room here!  Merry Christmas to you (and to everyone), and THANK YOU!

[WireWrap]

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

Edited December 25, 2015 by WireWrap