Chit-Chat: What's On Your Mind Today?

[shapeshifter]

7 minutes ago, Dimity said:

My son and and his wife took their daughter to see Wicked today.  She sobbed all the way home because  "that is the saddest movie EVER".  And now we are waiting for the penny to drop when she realizes that the Wicked Witch who died in the Wizard of Oz (which she has seen several times) is Elphaba!  Oh dear!

How old is she?

[ginger90]

2 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

new med is making me nauseous plus the antibiotics made it a crappy birthday

A belated happy birthday to you.

A side effect of taking antibiotics can include nausea. 

[tearknee]

... a politician or entertainer or athlete or other public figure everyone is talking about has the exact same name as another long-ago celebrity... and no one but you have acknowledged that or has even heard of the older person.

"Caitlin Clarke is a great basketball player!"

"The actress?  Didn't she die in 2004?" 

"What's your favorite Harrison Ford movie?"

"That one he did in 1928 with Franklin Pangborn."

"Why did Kevin McCarthy get ousted as Speaker of the House?"

"Maybe they found out he was really a seed pod double."

[Anela]

3 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

new med is making me nauseous plus the antibiotics made it a crappy birthday. I couldn't drink and wasn't even hungry. only a few people remembered it's my birthday.

I will no longer wish anyone a happy birthday either. I get it I'm not important so be it. I will give as much as I receive from people.

Happy belated. 💙

 

 

The thread was acting like the "submit" button wasn't working, so it posted three times. 

Edited December 28, 2024 by Anela

[Anduin]

6 hours ago, Dimity said:

Does anyone else still use FB?  Lately I've noticed in their "reels" a disturbing number that are starting of showing very bullying behavior and also showing parents who appear to be about to use corporal punishment on their children - most of these seem like they originate in countries like India or China.  Anyway I refuse to click on the reels under any circumstances but especially with these.  Any idea what the hell these are all about?

I don't click on the random vids FB wants to show me, just scroll on past. Are you using a phone and can't stop them playing?

 

Edited December 28, 2024 by Anduin

[Yeah No]

So it happened, just as I thought it would. My SIL posted a photo of me and my husband on her Facebook page that if I could I'd never let anyone see. We were sitting on her huge leather couch that's made for a much bigger person and swallows me up. I look like a cross between Jabba the Hutt and the Michelin Tire man. She took better photos of us on Christmas that she sent me earlier, but of course she posted the worst one! And then I got notified of friends of mine liking it because I was tagged in it and they get notified when I'm tagged in a photo. I was mortified! It's one thing if her friends see it but another if mine do! I'm going to have to fix that!

[tearknee]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

So it happened, just as I thought it would. My SIL posted a photo of me and my husband on her Facebook page that if I could I'd never let anyone see. We were sitting on her huge leather couch that's made for a much bigger person and swallows me up. I look like a cross between Jabba the Hutt and the Michelin Tire man. She took better photos of us on Christmas that she sent me earlier, but of course she posted the worst one! And then I got notified of friends of mine liking it because I was tagged in it and they get notified when I'm tagged in a photo. I was mortified! It's one thing if her friends see it but another if mine do! I'm going to have to fix that!

If you want i can turn on my pan-dimensional telegraph machine and ask an old friend to send their spirit guide to visit your S-I-L and explain why it was wrong?

Edited December 28, 2024 by tearknee

[tearknee]

5 hours ago, Yeah No said:

So it happened, just as I thought it would. My SIL posted a photo of me and my husband on her Facebook page that if I could I'd never let anyone see. We were sitting on her huge leather couch that's made for a much bigger person and swallows me up. I look like a cross between Jabba the Hutt and the Michelin Tire man. She took better photos of us on Christmas that she sent me earlier, but of course she posted the worst one! And then I got notified of friends of mine liking it because I was tagged in it and they get notified when I'm tagged in a photo. I was mortified! It's one thing if her friends see it but another if mine do! I'm going to have to fix that!

There are some others i could contact as their employer is often called for when all else seems lost?

[oliviabenson]

thanks for the birthday wishes!

[shapeshifter]

My oldest daughter came to visit (from Oregon to Illinois) at the time of my 60th birthday and planned a surprise party for me at my place of work.
I was inwardly horrified, but tried not to show it. 
Most people probably assumed I was younger.
3 years later I was one of several women of my age who were offered early retirement deals we could not refuse. 

When I turned 70, I explicitly said I did Not want a birthday party. 
Now I wish I had because at 70, it would have made it clear to the guests (extended family in-laws of my youngest daughter) that I really am that old, and that's why I can't join in on all the activities.

[annzeepark914]

On 12/27/2024 at 7:12 PM, oliviabenson said:

new med is making me nauseous plus the antibiotics made it a crappy birthday. I couldn't drink and wasn't even hungry. only a few people remembered it's my birthday.

I will no longer wish anyone a happy birthday either. I get it I'm not important so be it. I will give as much as I receive from people.

🌷Happy Birthday! I hope you'll go out and buy yourself something special (as soon as you feel better). IBgard is good to have on hand for nausea (it was recommended to me by my gastro MD & it works).

[Yeah No]

4 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

My oldest daughter came to visit (from Oregon to Illinois) at the time of my 60th birthday and planned a surprise party for me at my place of work.
I was inwardly horrified, but tried not to show it. 
Most people probably assumed I was younger.
3 years later I was one of several women of my age who were offered early retirement deals we could not refuse. 

When I turned 70, I explicitly said I did Not want a birthday party. 
Now I wish I had because at 70, it would have made it clear to the guests (extended family in-laws of my youngest daughter) that I really am that old, and that's why I can't join in on all the activities.

I've finally gotten to the age where I feel like looking younger works against me because people just naturally assume that I'm up to doing things a younger person can do and although I can fake it pretty well it catches up to me at times (like right now).

I remember when my 2nd to last company was offering those early retirement packages that were too good to refuse. I was just a few years too young to take that offer. And unfortunately it didn't open up any opportunities for advancement for me either as many of those empty admin. positions were either eliminated or consolidated into other positions. And many of the people with the best jobs decided not to retire if you can believe that. Gotta love it.

[tearknee]

Anyone remember children-oriented proper calendars? 

 

[shapeshifter]

19 minutes ago, tearknee said:

Anyone remember children-oriented proper calendars? 

 

“For Scent-imental Reasons” is surprisingly progressive in the end: wikipedia.org/wiki/For_Scent-imental_Reasons#Plot

 

5 hours ago, Yeah No said:

remember when my 2nd to last company was offering those early retirement packages that were too good to refuse

Yeah. “Too good to be true” in reality. 

[tearknee]

The Carrie remake film adaption - the Black Prom massacre at the end - what i like about this adaption is that it gives Carrie the control over her powers that she has in Stephen King's book. As a survivor of bullying in real life, it's cathartic to see bullies punished by Carrie in control and kicking tail.

 

 

Edited December 29, 2024 by tearknee

[tearknee]

People today "remember" the 1950s and '60s as a time of growing prosperity. But that new wealth never came to many. 

*Visibly saddened*

Children whose parents could only afford to serve their cornflakes with water. 

A dairy farmer who always sent a pail of fresh milk every morning to a neighboring family living in such poverty. 

And the mothers always kept the coal inside the kitchen, because it would get taken and they'd never hang the washing outside, because it would get taken.
 

Edited December 29, 2024 by tearknee

[lookeyloo]

Well, folks, I am turning 81 in a few days.  You "young whippersnappers" at 70 make me nostalgic for those days.  I am still in pretty good shape because I work at it, and feel younger inside, but, the mirror doesn't lie.  I will never look like 70 again.  All of a sudden things happened.  Yet, inside I don't feel it.  I think sometimes that my days are numbered, because honestly, 81 is sobering.  People say "Oh you don't look that old" and compared to some women I know that is true, but, I am indeed "that old".  Enjoy your "youth" while you can and I am glad to be this old, but, I don't really like the changes that can't be helped, like wrinkles.  I work at walking upright, and such, and do take 2 weight bearing classes a week but it is not the same as 10 years ago.  The alternatives are retiring to a recliner which I don't have, and dying which are not on my "to do" list.  

[tearknee]

Given the shit i have been put through in RL (a woman than was no "mom" and later a spiral of booze, drugs and druggie so-called 'friends, and degrading things i agreed to do or let guys do to me just to have a pretence that someone cared about me and would say "I love you"  --  for small ticks of the clock of life -- i wish my last decade of life was here several times over *a still and somber sadness*. 

[emma675]

Happy early birthday, @lookeyloo! If I make it to 81, I hope to be as sharp mentally and in as good shape physically as you are. 

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

Well, folks, I am turning 81 in a few days.  You "young whippersnappers" at 70 make me nostalgic for those days.  I am still in pretty good shape because I work at it, and feel younger inside, but, the mirror doesn't lie.  I will never look like 70 again.  All of a sudden things happened.  Yet, inside I don't feel it.  I think sometimes that my days are numbered, because honestly, 81 is sobering.  People say "Oh you don't look that old" and compared to some women I know that is true, but, I am indeed "that old".  Enjoy your "youth" while you can and I am glad to be this old, but, I don't really like the changes that can't be helped, like wrinkles.  I work at walking upright, and such, and do take 2 weight bearing classes a week but it is not the same as 10 years ago.  The alternatives are retiring to a recliner which I don't have, and dying which are not on my "to do" list.  

Thank you and I am sure that with your mental acuity and not feeling your age (at least in your head) you have better odds of making it beyond 90 than most people.

I learned a big lesson from my father's example. He refused to give in to getting old both physically and in his overall outlook. Until the very end he got out almost every day even if it was a struggle. He kept active socially even after most of his friends passed away, even if that meant chatting up acquaintances at his local pub and diner (they all loved him BTW). I believe that his sunny, positive attitude had everything to do with his longevity. He had his medical issues like anyone but he refused to give in to them. I know people younger than me (66) that have already given in and it's not a pretty sight. If not for Covid (which he got very early on in 2020) I am sure my father would have made it years past 92. Gather ye rosebuds!

Speaking of that, I have to get out of here, lol. See you later! 😉

[lookeyloo]

10 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

Thank you and I am sure that with your mental acuity and not feeling your age (at least in your head) you have better odds of making it beyond 90 than most people.

I learned a big lesson from my father's example. He refused to give in to getting old both physically and in his overall outlook. Until the very end he got out almost every day even if it was a struggle. He kept active socially even after most of his friends passed away, even if that meant chatting up acquaintances at his local pub and diner (they all loved him BTW). I believe that his sunny, positive attitude had everything to do with his longevity. He had his medical issues like anyone but he refused to give in to them. I know people younger than me (66) that have already given in and it's not a pretty sight. If not for Covid (which he got very early on in 2020) I am sure my father would have made it years past 92. Gather ye rosebuds!

Speaking of that, I have to get out of here, lol. See you later! 😉

Totally agree with your father's example.  I leave the house just about every day even just to go to a grocery store for a few items.  I wear hearing aids and glasses and am befuddled by people who don't/won't.  It limits those kinds of interactions which keeps us connected.  I tell the grands to try new things, so of course I have to take my own advice.  I am slower than they are, but, they are seeing me as an example too.  

 

45 minutes ago, emma675 said:

Happy early birthday, @lookeyloo! If I make it to 81, I hope to be as sharp mentally and in as good shape physically as you are. 

thanks!  The young'uns don't believe all this will happen to them.  It creeps up.  I wish I there was sunscreen when I was young.  I keep telling the granddaughter to use it but she doesn't believe she will turn into me one day.  I didn't either think this is how it would be.  But, oh well, onward.

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Well, folks, I am turning 81 in a few days.  You "young whippersnappers" at 70 make me nostalgic for those days.  I am still in pretty good shape because I work at it, and feel younger inside, but, the mirror doesn't lie.  I will never look like 70 again.  All of a sudden things happened.  Yet, inside I don't feel it.  I think sometimes that my days are numbered, because honestly, 81 is sobering.  People say "Oh you don't look that old" and compared to some women I know that is true, but, I am indeed "that old".  Enjoy your "youth" while you can and I am glad to be this old, but, I don't really like the changes that can't be helped, like wrinkles.  I work at walking upright, and such, and do take 2 weight bearing classes a week but it is not the same as 10 years ago.  The alternatives are retiring to a recliner which I don't have, and dying which are not on my "to do" list.  

Happy birthday, @lookeyloo!

Once when I was in my 50s, my 80-ish neighbor asked if I'd like to join her and a couple of her friends for iced tea in the shade. It was a very warm day and one of the 80-somethings wore a sleeveless shirt which showed the fine wrinkles on the inside of her upper arm. Maybe it was partly because she did not feel the need to hide the wrinkles, but I still recall thinking they made a delicate pattern that implied her skin was still soft. 
In the years since, I try to remind myself of the acceptance I had for her wrinkles, and offer myself the same.

"2 weight bearing classes a week" sounds like something I should look into.

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

I wear hearing aids and glasses and am befuddled by people who don't/won't.  It limits those kinds of interactions which keeps us connected.  

Yes.
We all have unique bodies with unique genes and unique histories of damage, but still, trying to keep moving and getting out and conversing just make life better, IMO, at any age. 
At 71 I can no longer walk as far or fast as I did just a couple of years ago, which is a bit depressing, but when I do go out for shorter (20-30 min.), slower walks, it's actually as mentally uplifting as those longer, faster walks were.

My 92-year-old uncle is very sad that he can't walk unassisted anymore, but he still speaks well and he laughs at my jokes when we talk on the phone.

Edited December 29, 2024 by shapeshifter

[Mindthinkr]

4 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Well, folks, I am turning 81 in a few days

Happy Birthday early 

You are correct about still staying social and being connected. I know many people in their 80’s living full rich lives. They are active and I mean besides exercise. The ones I’ve seen that don’t have either given up or refuse to wear their hearing aids. I’m happy for you that you have such a good attitude about aging and will probably enjoy many more years. We can revisit this conversation in 9 years when you turn 90. Enjoy your special day. 

[EtheltoTillie]

We are about to go outside for a walk because we can't let inertia take over!  It's a Sunday, and it's easy to just sit around watching TV, especially since it's been cold.  At 69 and 10/12ths I am trying my best.

[EtheltoTillie]

Came back from our walk.  It was a balmy 56 degrees today.  Very enjoyable.  The dog enjoyed it too.

[lookeyloo]

2 hours ago, EtheltoTillie said:

Came back from our walk.  It was a balmy 56 degrees today.  Very enjoyable.  The dog enjoyed it too.

Excellent.  when I say I go to class twice a week for weight training I didn't say I am not always motivated and sometimes have to drag myself there and whine inside my head the entire time.  I am always glad After I do something.  

[oliviabenson]

2 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Excellent.  when I say I go to class twice a week for weight training I didn't say I am not always motivated and sometimes have to drag myself there and whine inside my head the entire time.  I am always glad After I do something.  

happy birthday!!! I wish you a happy day!

[Anela]

10 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Well, folks, I am turning 81 in a few days.  You "young whippersnappers" at 70 make me nostalgic for those days.  I am still in pretty good shape because I work at it, and feel younger inside, but, the mirror doesn't lie.  I will never look like 70 again.  All of a sudden things happened.  Yet, inside I don't feel it.  I think sometimes that my days are numbered, because honestly, 81 is sobering.  People say "Oh you don't look that old" and compared to some women I know that is true, but, I am indeed "that old".  Enjoy your "youth" while you can and I am glad to be this old, but, I don't really like the changes that can't be helped, like wrinkles.  I work at walking upright, and such, and do take 2 weight bearing classes a week but it is not the same as 10 years ago.  The alternatives are retiring to a recliner which I don't have, and dying which are not on my "to do" list.  

Happy early birthday. 💝

[Cloud9Shopper]

Christmas celebrations are officially over for me. We opened presents this morning with my sister and brother in law and my niece and had dinner with them. Now they’re going home tomorrow. (They were visiting from out of state.) I’ll keep my decorations up a few more days, but I plan to start listening to regular music again tomorrow. But that’s fine because I’m pretty tired of Christmas music now honestly. 

I have a few more days off work before we go back on Thursday, but I started organizing my finances for 2025 this afternoon and have a rough budget planned out. I finally hit a “good” rating on Equifax (low 670s) so want to keep going in the right direction this year. I also have been figuring out the rest of my goals for the new year, so I’ll share those here soon too! I just need some time to recharge. 

[shapeshifter]

8 minutes ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I finally hit a “good” rating on Equifax…

I am so happy for you! 

[shapeshifter]

Happy New Year?

This morning (New Year's Eve) an idea just came to me while doing the crossword puzzle🚽 (so take it or leave it or flush it).
Instead of New Year's Resolutions (ugh)
how about New Year's Revelations,
which are ideas or concepts that seem so obvious now, but which I/we totally missed until this past year, and/or through January 31.

Mine had to do with responding to someone who being confrontational with something positive, even if it's just: I appreciate that you don't want the purple flowers to get lawn mowed.

Edited January 1 by shapeshifter

[Yeah No]

Happy New Year everyone!

[Mindthinkr]

I’ve heard people saying “Happy New Fears” instead of Happy New Years. 
I hope everyone has a year of good health and positivity 🥳

[Cloud9Shopper]

I’m starting to wish that I had told that guy who keeps asking me out “no thank you” the first time or even responded the second or third time. I was at a hockey game tonight and checked my phone at intermission (a break between periods of play, for the uninitiated) and he asked me out again! He asked if I wanted a drink so I finally responded and said “no thank you.” I left it at that. I didn’t justify, I didn’t tell him to fuck off or that he was stupid, none of that. But I wanted to be polite and tell him no. So he responded and asked “is it something I said?” 

I’m exhausted. And I know this is part ny fault for not rejecting the first or second invitation outright. That being said…even if I am part at fault…I think that’s a really immature response from a man in his mid 50s. I’d expect that from someone younger with less dating experience or who is socially awkward. Are you telling me this guy has never been ghosted or had a woman just not be that into him? Never in his life? Do I really need to explain this with a guy more than 15 years older than me? Can’t he just say “ok I hope we can still be friends” or “let me know if you are interested”. Or nothing at all! Just say “OK” and end it there. I know age is a number and doesn’t automatically indicate maturity but I can’t believe a man that age responded to me that way. I don’t like the insinuation that now I need to further explain and be like “no it’s not you.” Do I really need to say that? If I asked him out and he said no, do I get to demand an explanation? I shouldn’t have to say “I don’t want to go out with you because I’m not interested in you romantically and I think the age gap is too big.” I said no thank you! Move on! 

But then again, if I had said no the first time, there’s a chance he still would have said “is it something I said?” There’s no way of knowing. It just bothers me that in this day and age women are still challenged and have to justify turning down a date. A man can not like a woman and not face the same expectations to explain to her why and no one cares. 🙄 

Edited January 5 by Cloud9Shopper

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

But then again, if I had said no the first time, there’s a chance he still would have said “is it something I said?”

Oh, you could put money on that.  Far too many men's response to "No thank you" is in the "Why not?" family rather than something along the lines of a simple "Okay", and it's quite clear this guy falls into that vast camp.

[somethingwicked]

1 hour ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

 I shouldn’t have to say “I don’t want to go out with you because I’m not interested in you romantically and I think the age gap is too big.” 

🙄

First of all, none of this is your fault.  The way you handled it should have been sufficient. 

Secondly, you don't owe him an explanation.  If you feel you can, a simple "I'm not interested. Please don't ask again" would be all I would offer, because no means no, whenever you say it. 

Guys who try to wear you down will look for any opening.  Make it short & be done with it. You can always block him if he refuses to respect your wishes. 

[Cloud9Shopper]

I think ultimately it’s best if I don’t explain any further, mostly because of the age gap and him being so much older than me. I don’t feel it’s my job to explain to a 55-year-old man why I didn’t want a date with him. I’m nearly 40, so I know that may seem like nothing, but I’m not going to respond back to him regardless. He should be able to just deal with it. (I only want to date 5-10 years older than me at most; I don’t care if other people are happy in big age gap relationships but it’s not for me personally.)

Plus, I’m trying to be less of a people pleaser and stick up for myself more in general. Not just in dating, but in life. 

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I think ultimately it’s best if I don’t explain any further, mostly because of the age gap and him being so much older than me. I don’t feel it’s my job to explain to a 55-year-old man why I didn’t want a date with him. I’m nearly 40, so I know that may seem like nothing, but I’m not going to respond back to him regardless. He should be able to just deal with it. (I only want to date 5-10 years older than me at most; I don’t care if other people are happy in big age gap relationships but it’s not for me personally.)

Plus, I’m trying to be less of a people pleaser and stick up for myself more in general. Not just in dating, but in life. 

Yes, I believe I said that you didn't owe him any explanation and shouldn't even give one in the Pet Peeves thread a while back, and that's still my opinion.

I was too busy hosting a friend for the holidays back then but I just wanted to say that the more I hear about what you're going through the creepier this guy sounds and the more I think you should avoid him as much as possible (not that you aren't already doing that), but I also think that if he continues to bother you and/or creep you out you should tell someone with the church that his behavior is making you feel uncomfortable. Make sure they promise not to tell him that you told him that, though, because if he finds out that could make it even worse for you in other ways.

Also, and it really pains me to say this, but often single men in church are dysfunctional when it comes to relationships and that's one reason they're there alone and not with someone. It doesn't work that way for women but we often wish it does, hence the almost myth that you can meet a man at church. It's my opinion that women are often single because of the dearth of decent relationship-ready men out there while men are often single because they are not relationship-ready. And so you find a lot of unready men out there in your age bracket that don't know the first thing about how to approach a woman and come off as creepy. And to be frank, some of them ARE creepy.

I'm thinking this guy has compromised social skills and thought meeting someone would be easier at church. But he's still socially compromised and not reading the signs or the room. I hate to say it but a lot of men are like that. They keep trying to "close the deal" even way past you making it more than obvious that you're not interested. It's a real thing. I had it done to me many times back in the day. Those stories were very similar to yours!

I actually have known women that have met men at church but it has been the very rare exception. I worked with one who sang in a choir and met her husband there. She was in her 50s and never married, and so was he. In fact, he still lived at home with his mom. Sounds like a dud, but he was a lovely man. After they married she once confided in me that they had never had sex and didn't want to - Wow, what a revelation! I guess that's proof that there's a "pot for every cover" but wow, what were the odds of these two meeting and making a "go" of a relationship? Astronomical if you ask me! But they are still together to this day!

Even my BFF, the one I hosted for the holidays, has never met a man in church although she would have liked to, but even at her born again bible church the lack of relationship-ready single men is still a problem. She made her peace with being single long ago. I don't think I could have done that, but that's me. Given my former church attendance and choir participation, looking back on it, I don't think I would have met someone there if I were single. It's too bad, but that's unfortunately the reality. And yet the myths still persist among women that church is a great place to meet men. Not in my experience or the experience of most of the single church attending women I've known. I'm not suggesting that you thought that or that meeting someone is your primary reason for being at church, but a number of single women I've known over the years have thought that and even joined churches hoping they might meet someone.

 

 

[lookeyloo]

If it were me, I'd block him.  I think any kind of response by you is going to be seen as encouraging by him.  Even No.

[SweetieDarling]

3 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I think ultimately it’s best if I don’t explain any further, mostly because of the age gap and him being so much older than me. I don’t feel it’s my job to explain to a 55-year-old man why I didn’t want a date with him. I’m nearly 40, so I know that may seem like nothing, but I’m not going to respond back to him regardless. He should be able to just deal with it. (I only want to date 5-10 years older than me at most; I don’t care if other people are happy in big age gap relationships but it’s not for me personally.)

Plus, I’m trying to be less of a people pleaser and stick up for myself more in general. Not just in dating, but in life. 

I'm not trying to start anything, and i have no idea what this man is like in real life, but is it possible he really just doesn't understand? I only say this because the first few times he asked you had other plans and maybe he didn't get the message that you aren't interested; you're just busy. Maybe if he asks again just say you're not interested in dating at the moment, no need to offer excuses, you don't want to date -it's none of his business. If he pursues it further, then by all means feel free to be rude and blunt. Maybe I'm giving him too much credit, and I apologize if he truly is a creep, but sometimes people need things spelled out for them. If he's a decent person otherwise, it'd be a shame to lose a friendship over a misunderstanding. but if he's weird, that's another story.  Also, If he truly doesn't understand, he may continue to pester you

 

I apologize if I've completely misread the situation

Edited January 5 by SweetieDarling

[Yeah No]

Just now, SweetieDarling said:

Maybe I'm giving him too much credit, and I apologize if he truly is a creep, but sometimes people need things spelled out for them. If he's a decent person otherwise, it'd be a shame to lose a friendship over a misunderstanding. but if he's weird, that's another story.  Also, If he truly doesn't understand, he may continue to pester you.

I find that a man doesn't have to be a "creep" to be called "creepy". I think the two uses of the word connote different things. A man can be creepy and just be clueless and weird while otherwise benign, while a creep can be everything evil up to and including a rapist and murderer. That said, I think this man is just "creepy" but I'm not sure if he's also a creep. I think any guy that weirds out and makes a woman that uncomfortable that many times and doesn't get the message despite repeated blows over the head with a proverbial 2x4 deserves to be called creepy. 

[SweetieDarling]

1 minute ago, Yeah No said:

I find that a man doesn't have to be a "creep" to be called "creepy". I think the two uses of the word connote different things. A man can be creepy and just be clueless and weird while otherwise benign, while a creep can be everything evil up to and including a rapist and murderer. That said, I think this man is just "creepy" but I'm not sure if he's also a creep. I think any guy that weirds out and makes a woman that uncomfortable that many times and doesn't get the message despite repeated blows over the head with a proverbial 2x4 deserves to be called creepy. 

I just went back and read that he always made her feel stressed and anxious before having asked her out, so I probably gave him way too much credit. I still think she should just tell him outright, just so there's no doubt and hopefully he'll stop

[Absolom]

If he persists, definitely tell the pastor at church.  I can pretty much guarantee the pastor has dealt with guys who are either creepy or clueless before.  It has happened at almost every church I have attended.  Thankfully only once with me. I simply vanished by never going to that same service time again.

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, Absolom said:

I can pretty much guarantee the pastor has dealt with guys who are either creepy or clueless before.

Maybe. Or they avoid dealing with them because it's not their forté.

[Absolom]

Oddly but I've never heard of a pastor who didn't do something.  If it's obvious creepiness or enough complaints come in, they ask/tell them to stop coming to the church.  It is their responsibility.

[StatisticalOutlier]

18 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

It just bothers me that in this day and age women are still challenged and have to justify turning down a date. A man can not like a woman and not face the same expectations to explain to her why and no one cares.

I think that would depend on the woman.

[Cloud9Shopper]

6 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I find that a man doesn't have to be a "creep" to be called "creepy". I think the two uses of the word connote different things. A man can be creepy and just be clueless and weird while otherwise benign, while a creep can be everything evil up to and including a rapist and murderer. That said, I think this man is just "creepy" but I'm not sure if he's also a creep. I think any guy that weirds out and makes a woman that uncomfortable that many times and doesn't get the message despite repeated blows over the head with a proverbial 2x4 deserves to be called creepy. 

I think “clueless and weird but otherwise benign” is a perfect description here. I had no issues with him before he started asking me out, as he was in a relationship for a while with another woman. He did tell me something a few months ago that seemed to suggest the relationship was going south. But we’re not super close, so I don’t know when exactly his last relationship ended. I’m going to guess within the last three months but I could be wrong. 

I went out with a guy about seven years ago who was an online friend. He asked me out a couple months after his engagement ended and he was still complaining about his ex on our date. I don’t know if these guys just think they’re fine to be dating and over their exes, or if they’re just in a rush to get back into a relationship, or if they have other issues, or a combination of the above factors. I knew a woman who was similar…couldn’t stand to be alone and really wanted a husband and a big wedding (she did get married in 2023) so it’s not exclusive to men but this has been my experience. 

I honestly don’t love dating, part because of encounters like this. If I could get the guys like my friends get, who are well adjusted and not desperate and are confident, and who treat them like gold and are genuine, I’m sure I wouldn’t mind joining a few dating sites. And the other reason why I don’t like it is because it takes a lot of work for something that ultimately comes down to luck, and I hate that people in my life (like my mom and a friend of mine) have tried to set me up or basically push me into dating. It doesn’t make me feel anymore comfortable or interested in it; I really need to do things on my own terms and I figure if I want to date and sign up for Bumble or CatholicMatch or whatever, then I’ll know. It was the same thing with therapy. My mom frequently tried to insist I needed to see a counselor or a therapist for some of my problems, even when she was no longer the one setting up my appointments or paying for my healthcare. Guess what? I never went. Just let me make my own choices and decide what I need and I’ll be happy. 

Edited January 5 by Cloud9Shopper

[Dimity]

55 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I think that would depend on the woman.

True but since we're still in a world where, for the most part, the man does the asking and the woman gets to say yeah or nay I don't think it really happens all that often that men are turning women down.

Usually what happens, as it did with Cloudhopper, is the guy can't take no for an answer and the woman is put on the spot to justify why she doesn't want to go out with him.

[StatisticalOutlier]

9 minutes ago, Dimity said:

True but since we're still in a world where, for the most part, the man does the asking and the woman gets to say yeah or nay I don't think it really happens all that often that men are turning women down.

And whose fault is that?  (A topic I should probably take to pet peeves.)

As it stands, wouldn't only pushy women be the ones asking me out, and it seems to me that's exactly the type who wouldn't take no for an answer. 

[PRgal]

Since we live still live in a world where women, for the most part, "expect" men to ask them, it's also a world that's HORRIBLE for the neurodivergent female.  I almost DIDN'T get asked out in university because I didn't know how to interpret signals that a guy liked me and being socially awkward meant that I couldn't ask him myself.  I had to be set up.  And that rarely happened because I also didn't have a lot of girlfriends.