S14.E84: Afterparty: Help Me Love You

[Emma Snyder]

Quote

Host Keshia Knight Pulliam sits down with Mark, Olajuwan, and Steve, as they discuss Noi's social media posts, Mark's inconsistency when it comes to giving Lindsey affection, and Olajuwan's heated meeting with Dr. Pepper.

Airs Apr 6 at 10:03PM EDT.

[Kiss my mutt]

I hope Keisha goes hard tonight!

[endure]

I think Mark and Lindsey could have potential if they both get some therapy, they both come from dysfunction, both are too set in their ways, yet they both went this badly too, they seem to get why they're matched sometimes.  A lot of work needed!

[Racj82]

This mfer Olajuwon said when asked about advice on how Lyndsey goes about expressing herself, that it's all about tone. You can't go too hard at people all the time like that. Really? Really? 

I feel like everyone is scared to really go at O. It's becoming really uncomfortable.

[CSunshine76]

I really want to know if Steve and Noi have talked specific numbers in the money/work convos. Keisha told him Noi’s “okay” number was $40k, and he immediately responded it’s all good.  So does she have any idea what he has saved? I mean, maybe he’s a millionaire and she can just chill?! 

[Racj82]

20 hours ago, CSunshine76 said:

I really want to know if Steve and Noi have talked specific numbers in the money/work convos. Keisha told him Noi’s “okay” number was $40k, and he immediately responded it’s all good.  So does she have any idea what he has saved? I mean, maybe he’s a millionaire and she can just chill?! 

They spend a lot of time talking about making time to talk about certain things instead of just laying it out there. I'm sure Noi was always too afraid to ask and Steve never felt the need to share it. Which makes no sense since security is the main issue. If he has a sizable bank account to tide himself over while he establishes whatever his goals, this shouldn't be as much of an issue.

But, let's be real. Noi just wants a man that gets his ass up, goes to work and has a steady paycheck. 

Edited April 7, 2022 by Racj82

[Cancun]

Tonight for the first time, Keshia annoyed me. She kept finishing the guests’ sentences, to the point they would stop talking and then just say, “Yeah” in agreement with her.  I hope it doesn’t become a habit of hers.  While affirming your guest is a good facilitation technique, I want to hear their complete thoughts.

[buttersister]

Steve did act surprised when Keisha said all Noi wanted was $40K--it's possible he's practiced that look. But it's also possible that they hadn't discussed that--which is nuts, but in keeping with these shows. Matching an entrepreneur with a woman whose soul is scarred by childhood poverty seems ... in keeping with how these guys operate! 

ETA: I watched Mark's face when they showed the preview. $5 says Lindsey got food poisoning in Vermont, is opening the car door to vomit and is getting an IV because of it.

Edited April 7, 2022 by buttersister

[mythoughtis]

7 minutes ago, buttersister said:

ETA: I watched Mark's face when they showed the preview. $5 says Lindsey got food poisoning in Vermont, is opening the car door to vomit and is getting an IV because of it.

While the car is moving?  Every one I know frantically says ‘pull over so I can throw up’ - they don’t open the door and stick their leg out while the car is moving. 

 

Edited April 7, 2022 by mythoughtis

[Racj82]

1 hour ago, mythoughtis said:

While the car is moving?  Every one I know frantically says ‘pull over so I can throw up’ - they don’t open the door and stick their leg out while the car is moving. 

 

That's Lyndsey.

 

[OlderThanDirt]

I/O's neck tattoo has spread all over his neck.

That's really all I got from this show.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

While the car is moving?  Every one I know frantically says ‘pull over so I can throw up’ - they don’t open the door and stick their leg out while the car is moving. 

Presumably she could also roll down the car window...

[Retired at last]

12 hours ago, Racj82 said:

But, let's be real. Noi just wants a man that gets his ass up, goes to work and has a steady paycheck. 

Because she has no idea that there are many other options that will ultimately get to the same results. She is too limited in her experience, vocabulary and ability to actually articulate a coherent thought. She just throws out or mumbles a few words and doesn't say anything,. Why he would want to keep her happy, I have no idea. I also don't think she will ever be happy.

As soon as I saw O was one of the panel, I turned it off. Just can't do it.

[ByTor]

1 hour ago, Retired at last said:

Because she has no idea that there are many other options that will ultimately get to the same results

Except the only option he seems to be exploring is no job at all.

[Retired at last]

1 minute ago, ByTor said:

Except the only option he seems to be exploring is no job at all.

If he has enough of a savings cushion to be an entrepreneur and decide what he wants to do, then he doesn't need to have a 9-5 job right now if her requirement is that the bills get paid and there is sufficient money. If her requirement is just that he has a job, then she is not listening to him because she wants what she wants and his needs don't matter, which is pretty much what she said, as it relates to her posting on SM.  They need to agree to agree on the definition of "job." As he has said, if he can make a specific amount of money in fewer days than a 5-day a week 9-5 job, then she needs to accept that and broaden her expectations.

[Yeah No]

14 minutes ago, Retired at last said:

If he has enough of a savings cushion to be an entrepreneur and decide what he wants to do, then he doesn't need to have a 9-5 job right now if her requirement is that the bills get paid and there is sufficient money. If her requirement is just that he has a job, then she is not listening to him because she wants what she wants and his needs don't matter, which is pretty much what she said, as it relates to her posting on SM.  They need to agree to agree on the definition of "job." As he has said, if he can make a specific amount of money in fewer days than a 5-day a week 9-5 job, then she needs to accept that and broaden her expectations.

I think they need to discuss how long each of them would feel comfortable with him living off his savings until it becomes obvious that he needs to find some other source of income.  That's presuming that any of the "entrepreneurial" ventures he might be trying out don't pan out either.

The problem with this show is that it's obviously filmed weeks after the episode took place in real time (Olaj's neck tattoo proves that) so it's hard for them to talk about an issue without revealing subsequent events that may have resolved the issue.

Edited April 7, 2022 by Yeah No

[Yeah No]

14 hours ago, Racj82 said:

This mfer Olajuwon said when asked about advice on how Lyndsey goes about expressing herself, that it's all about tone. You can't go too hard at people all the time like that. Really? Really? 

I feel like everyone is scared to really go at O. It's becoming really uncomfortable.

Seriously, it really pissed me off in this Afterparty.  Olajuwon has perfect insight into other people but obviously has a very distorted view of himself.  Mark's response to him glossing over how much Katina loves him just proved what a wimp he is.  And I hate that word but it's the truth.

I also hated it when Olajuwon used Dr. Pepper "coming at him like that" about what she had heard about him talking down to Katina etc. as an excuse.  He claimed she didn't give him the opportunity to explain it since she had seen it in clips and had taken it out of context.

Hello, Earth to Olajuwon, THAT WAS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO EXPLAIN IT!!!  IF IT PISSED YOU OFF AND CHALLENEGED YOUR INFLATED NARCISSISTIC EGO TOO MUCH TO RESPOND TO IT IN ANY OTHER WAY THAT'S YOUR ISSUE, NOT HERS!!!  😖

Sorry, he just makes me angrier every week!

[ByTor]

56 minutes ago, Retired at last said:

If he has enough of a savings cushion to be an entrepreneur and decide what he wants to do, then he doesn't need to have a 9-5 job right now if her requirement is that the bills get paid and there is sufficient money

A cushion to be an entrepreneur would matter if he wanted to be an entrepreneur. This is a man who does not want to work. He doesn't want to work a 9-5 job. He doesn't want an office job. He doesn't want a remote job. He doesn't want to consult. He doesn't want to work for a boss. He doesn't want to work for himself. He doesn't want to work.

[bref]

Over the course of their conversations about it, I heard Steve mention working part time, returning to a full-time work situation, and entrepreneurship. I disagree that he "doesn't want to work." He prefers a nontraditional work situation, but he is making efforts to compromise. Noi, on the other hand, puts a high value on the idea of work itself, as well as the money earned from it. She's also less flexible in her goals (see: THREE CHILDREN). It's a pretty fundamental difference, but I don't see either one as being "wrong", necessarily.

Edited April 7, 2022 by bref

[ByTor]

But how is Steve compromising by saying "I can always...(fill in the blank)?"  Well, if you "always" can, then freaking do it. 

Edited April 7, 2022 by ByTor

[bref]

Because he is comfortable not working right now. But he recognizes he is in a marriage now and these decisions need to be made jointly.

[Racj82]

4 hours ago, ByTor said:

But how is Steve compromising by saying "I can always...(fill in the blank)?"  Well, if you "always" can, then freaking do it. 

He is willing to get a full time job if his self employment doesn't work out. That's the compromise. He does not need to work right now. It would only be to shut Noi up but then he would be unhappy. There is a in-between here. While he has the money in the bank to contribute for  awhile so he can work on his outset interests, that should be okay. He is not broke and he is contributing. 

At the end of day, she does not trust or believe Steve and I don't think that's going to change. I'm not even judging her. But, this whole thing will not work if she doesn't trust him and he doesn't give clear answers and shows work being put in to his "dreams".

Edited April 7, 2022 by Racj82

[becauseIsaidso]

4 hours ago, Retired at last said:

Because she has no idea that there are many other options that will ultimately get to the same results. She is too limited in her experience, vocabulary and ability to actually articulate a coherent thought. She just throws out or mumbles a few words and doesn't say anything,. Why he would want to keep her happy, I have no idea. I also don't think she will ever be happy.

As soon as I saw O was one of the panel, I turned it off. Just can't do it.

I, too, can not stomach him.

Even the idea that there are such beings as Olaj who firmly believe women are to be ordered around, to be chastised, to be 'schooled', to be ridiculed, to be dismissed sickens me.

Unfortunately, they are all too prevalent in the 21st century male-neanderthal mindset.

[ByTor]

2 hours ago, bref said:

Because he is comfortable not working right now. But he recognizes he is in a marriage now and these decisions need to be made jointly.

I'll just agree to disagree. I don't see where he's ok with not working for right now, I think he's ok with not working ever. 

[mythoughtis]

13 minutes ago, ByTor said:

I'll just agree to disagree. I don't see where he's ok with not working for right now, I think he's ok with not working ever. 

At least until he’s out of money.  My opinion is he works a temp job until he’s got a few months  saved up and then he takes time off.  That’s not feasible forever.  He has no pension, is not earning maximum social security credits, and probably doesn’t have investments.  He would be in a world of hurt if  he got hurt.  His dad nailed it by saying he’s a vagabond. 

[OlderThanDirt]

I think it's unrealistic to judge Steve by what he's doing while filming. Filming is the equivalent of a temp job and not a predictor of what he'll do next. Both Jon from the previous Boston season and Mark from this season were let go by their employers because of or during Filming.  And who's to say he's not writing aps in the afternoon after sleeping in,  walking her dog, and tidying up the apartment? 

Noi should be more concerned about whether they will have insurance for those 3 kids. 

On the other hand, having grown up as she did and having moved to Boston for a relationship that failed, I can certainly see why she doesn't want to let go of her apartment until she's sure this relationship will work.

[mythoughtis]

Why do people describe Steve as a application developer?  The screen verbiage says he is a sales engineer.  Which is a salesman of technical products like computer applications.   So unless the screen is lying, he’s not writing code himself.  

[sara416]

I don't buy for a second that O was happy to see Dr. Pepper. His first thought was defiitely not, as he said on the show "perfect!". His first thought was "I wish I could walk away but I just shit my pants so I have to stay seated". Or something along those lines. 

[Yeah No]

5 hours ago, ByTor said:

7 hours ago, bref said:

Because he is comfortable not working right now. But he recognizes he is in a marriage now and these decisions need to be made jointly.

I'll just agree to disagree. I don't see where he's ok with not working for right now, I think he's ok with not working ever. 

I'll meet you both in the middle - I think he's only OK with working if it's on HIS terms, when, where and how HE wants to work, and he doesn't much like the idea of Noi having any input or expectations about that.  I don't think he likes the idea of having to make decisions about his work jointly.  And that may be one reason he's acting the way he is about it, because he knows that Noi isn't in love with what he really wants to do and he doesn't want to compromise on it.  I think a good compromise would be to let him try to do the entrepreneurial thing while he has that savings cushion to contribute and see how that goes.  Then if that doesn't pan out he can compromise and get a contract position doing programming or something else.  He seems to have a few different skills and can easily find something else if his preference doesn't pan out.  I don't think Steve is as averse to working for a company as all that, it's just that he would prefer developing apps on his own and starting his own business first.  If he can get that out of his system it will either work out or it won't and if it doesn't there are plenty of other things he seems to be able to do.

1 hour ago, mythoughtis said:

Why do people describe Steve as a application developer?  The screen verbiage says he is a sales engineer.  Which is a salesman of technical products like computer applications.   So unless the screen is lying, he’s not writing code himself.  

From what I've gathered, Steve has done a few different things.  He's mentioned all these things before himself so he has a lot of skills to offer and would probably have no problem finding a job in any of them.

[Racj82]

1 hour ago, mythoughtis said:

Why do people describe Steve as a application developer?  The screen verbiage says he is a sales engineer.  Which is a salesman of technical products like computer applications.   So unless the screen is lying, he’s not writing code himself.  

He isn't JUST a sales engineer. He has designed and coded different apps and things of that nature as well.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Noi should be more concerned about whether they will have insurance for those 3 kids. 

She can probably get a family policy through her own job. The cost of that might take a pretty big chunk out of her paycheck though.

[cinsays]

10 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

She can probably get a family policy through her own job. The cost of that might take a pretty big chunk out of her paycheck though.

yes, she can, but what if something happens and she can't work or she wants to take a few years off to stay home with the 3 kids they need to have???

[Elizzikra]

2 hours ago, cinsays said:

yes, she can, but what if something happens and she can't work or she wants to take a few years off to stay home with the 3 kids they need to have???

True but if Steve had a job that provided their health insurance, they would have the same concern...

[Retired at last]

I think people are spending way too much time trying to figure out their financial situation. We don't know what they have discussed off-screen. We are only watching the highly scripted and edited reality show that has nothing to do with reality. We only see what the show wants us to see.  Assuming that Noi is capable of completing a coherent sentence, I am sure that she and Steve have had this discussion, probably several times. And if they haven't, then they have no business staying together, much less talking about having a baby.

[Racj82]

46 minutes ago, Retired at last said:

I think people are spending way too much time trying to figure out their financial situation. We don't know what they have discussed off-screen. We are only watching the highly scripted and edited reality show that has nothing to do with reality. We only see what the show wants us to see.  Assuming that Noi is capable of completing a coherent sentence, I am sure that she and Steve have had this discussion, probably several times. And if they haven't, then they have no business staying together, much less talking about having a baby.

Assuming Noi can complete a coherent sentence is a huge assumption. We are also mostly just speculating. On the show and the afterparty, it's hard for both of them to give straight answers most of the time so speculation is all we can do.

[Yeah No]

2 hours ago, Retired at last said:

I think people are spending way too much time trying to figure out their financial situation. We don't know what they have discussed off-screen. We are only watching the highly scripted and edited reality show that has nothing to do with reality. We only see what the show wants us to see.  Assuming that Noi is capable of completing a coherent sentence, I am sure that she and Steve have had this discussion, probably several times. And if they haven't, then they have no business staying together, much less talking about having a baby.

Noi's face when Steve was talking to her about the finances in the current episode told me she that as of the time of that episode she is still in the dark and not getting the full picture, and in my opinion that was because he was not giving it to her.  I don't think she's capable of acting that well just to mislead us.  Whatever they say on the Afterparty means nothing because they're not going to reveal what they've discussed since the episode they're reviewing.  Speaking of spending way too much time trying to figure out their financial situation you are also (like the rest of us) speculating on what they probably have talked about offscreen regarding their financial situation since then right here. 😉

Edited April 8, 2022 by Yeah No

[Kira53]

19 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

She can probably get a family policy through her own job. The cost of that might take a pretty big chunk out of her paycheck though.

Massachusetts has health insurance that preceded Obama Care.  Good options outside of her job.  Steve should pay for that.  Her job is low level.  Right now she has insurance.  He probably has the state insurance that he is already paying.

[bref]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

Noi's face when Steve was talking to her about the finances in the current episode told me she that as of the time of that episode she is still in the dark and not getting the full picture, and in my opinion that was because he was not giving it to her. 

They were literally having a discussion about their finances. She could have asked?

[Yeah No]

2 minutes ago, bref said:

They were literally having a discussion about their finances. She could have asked?

I think she was feeling inhibited from asking him questions on camera.  I get the feeling Steve is being deliberately vague on screen because he doesn't want the public to know that much about his finances.  But why she would still be looking confused at this late date when they could be talking about this behind the scenes is beyond me.  All they would need to do is tell the camera "we talked and we're good now".  But that's not happening.  Either the show is making them have these stupid go-nowhere on camera discussions that bear no resemblance to reality or he's really hiding his bottom line from her.  I still can't figure out why she would still be looking so lost if he had filled her in on his real situation off camera.

[Real4real]

Whenever Olajuwon says, “We talked about it,” my first thought is “No, YOU talked about it” because Katina can barely get a word in.

[Kira53]

On 4/8/2022 at 7:08 PM, Yeah No said:

I think she was feeling inhibited from asking him questions on camera.  I get the feeling Steve is being deliberately vague on screen because he doesn't want the public to know that much about his finances.  But why she would still be looking confused at this late date when they could be talking about this behind the scenes is beyond me.  All they would need to do is tell the camera "we talked and we're good now".  But that's not happening.  Either the show is making them have these stupid go-nowhere on camera discussions that bear no resemblance to reality or he's really hiding his bottom line from her.  I still can't figure out why she would still be looking so lost if he had filled her in on his real situation off camera.

Noi is lost.  She doesn’t seem to be a good listener because she is so intent on talking about what she must have.  She is not a deep thinker - she thinks that $ 40,000 in the bank is a large number!  Dummy!  Steve was laughing inside I think at that small number.  She is so petty I hope he doesn’t stay with her.

[cinsays]

8 hours ago, Kira53 said:

Noi is lost.  She doesn’t seem to be a good listener because she is so intent on talking about what she must have.  She is not a deep thinker - she thinks that $ 40,000 in the bank is a large number!  Dummy!  Steve was laughing inside I think at that small number.  She is so petty I hope he doesn’t stay with her.

yeah, i was trying to come up with a figure she could throw out there and i was thinking maybe $2M.   $40K is really not that much at all and if she's that conscious of money, she should know that.

her insistence on sharing everything on her social media is disrespectful and immature and i can't see steve wanting to stay with her for that reason alone

[Yeah No]

2 hours ago, cinsays said:

10 hours ago, Kira53 said:

Noi is lost.  She doesn’t seem to be a good listener because she is so intent on talking about what she must have.  She is not a deep thinker - she thinks that $ 40,000 in the bank is a large number!  Dummy!  Steve was laughing inside I think at that small number.  She is so petty I hope he doesn’t stay with her.

yeah, i was trying to come up with a figure she could throw out there and i was thinking maybe $2M.   $40K is really not that much at all and if she's that conscious of money, she should know that.

I don't think she really thinks $40,000 is a high number.  I think by the time the Afterparty was filmed she knew better than to throw out a high number.  First of all, she doesn't want to look greedy plus he probably got through to her that throwing out a high number might give the public too much of an indication of his actual financial worth.

[Porkchop]

[mythoughtis]

12 hours ago, Porkchop said:

And neither of them appear to

be available now 

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, mythoughtis said:

And neither of them appear to

be available now 

This one appears to have been created in 2019 and costs $19.99.  I don't know if it's still available for download as I don't have access to the Apple store being an Android user.

https://download.cnet.com/Nulite-Behavior-Tracker-for-Special-Education/3000-20414_4-78328092.html

[mythoughtis]

3 hours ago, Yeah No said:

This one appears to have been created in 2019 and costs $19.99.  I don't know if it's still available for download as I don't have access to the Apple store being an Android user.

https://download.cnet.com/Nulite-Behavior-Tracker-for-Special-Education/3000-20414_4-78328092.html

Wasn’t there when I looked for it