S13.E16: Weighing the Decision

[Yeah No]

On 11/4/2021 at 1:54 PM, mythoughtis said:

I got the impression that Gil FELT he should pay for everything because that’s how father and Myrla’s father’s cultures both were.  He commented that he would have  no money left If he did that. I don’t think Myrla expects him to pay every bill… but I think she  expects him to pay half even though she makes 2/3 of the money. Half of whatever amount of expenses she thinks are important- her choice of the area they live in, the furniture, the price of home etc.  Because she won’t reduce her spending to make up for the income disparity nor will she reduce her lifestyle choices. I also think she expects him to come up with his half of the money for 5 star hotels and vacations at the locales she wants. Which he can’t do and she won’t budge on using her money for his travel or reducing her travel/ meal/ entertainment choices to ones that he can pay half on. 
When there is an income disparity, the spouse  with the higher income needs to pay a similar portion of bills if you are keeping money separate.  So she should pay 2/3 of the monthly bills and expenses, and 2/3 of the travel expenses. 
In our case, we’ve always combined our money and based our spending and monthly bills on what the combined income could afford. There’s never been one discussion in 31+ years regarding the fact that I make more money than he does because I don’t think of things that way.  I don’t ever think that I should be able to keep more money in my purse  than he does in his wallet.

I'm not sure what Myrla expects in regard to splitting the finances.  The show never aired anything coming from her mouth about this and somehow I think there's a misunderstanding between her and Gil about it.  I really doubt that she would expect Gil to shoulder the financial responsibility for all the bills while her money is only for her alone.  I do believe that she might be encouraging him to find ways to make more money, though, so that ideally they could split everything down the middle.  Somehow I think Gil didn't fully understand what she was getting at and maybe she didn't explain it well enough.  

In my case, my husband (who is somewhat old school about this but he is 65) has always insisted on paying for the monthly recurring expenses like rent/mortgage, electricity, heating, phone, etc. while my income, (which was usually about 25% less) went for everything else, like unexpected expenses. home improvement, insurance, vacations, clothing, food, etc.  In our case it worked out because of our specific expenses and incomes but never (until last year) did either of us make as much less than the other one as in Gil and Myrla's case.  I'm not working now and my husband got a new job so now he pays for a lot more than he used to.  It's only fair and natural for a couple to make those changes as their situations change, and for us it will change again when both of us start collecting our retirement money.

I get it that Myrla doesn't want to change her lifestyle but I think her implied implication is that Gil better find a better job or more lucrative side hustle otherwise she's not going to be happy having to give up some of the things she likes.  Is that selfish?  Perhaps, but she didn't ask to be matched with someone that made that much less than she does.  She should be willing to be more flexible on this, though.  Perhaps this is her "get out of jail free" card to sabotage the relationship.

[kristen111]

On 11/4/2021 at 3:11 PM, Marley GMA said:

Exactly, I said on another thread that he (Jose) listens just fine.  He just does NOT want to travel and if that is a deal breaker, move on because he will not go!

 

Is that a good enough reason to not get married?  There are so many things more important to consider.  If he remains to control his temper, he could turn out to be a good Father and provider.  She may never find anyone to her way of thinking.  She doesn’t want to compromise.  You can’t have everything your way. She has to make a list of the pros and cons.  Not everyone is perfect.  Both have to give in for things to work out.  Marriage is hard.  Usually, one gives in more than the other.  I gave in more in my marriage.  Somebody has to.  Married over 50 years.  I’ve made the list many times.  The pros outweighed the cons.  Besides the love is there from the beginning.  Two years of dating, and still there were lots to learn.   There were times I wanted to throw in the towel, but looked at him sleeping and thought he never leaves the house, is a great provider, and loves his home, kids and tv.  Then I calm down.  Everyone gets frustrated from time to time.  You just can’t have everything your way.

 

Edited November 6, 2021 by kristen111

[Lindz]

Really Ryan?!! "It's tough to FATHOM completely starting over again"?!?!?!!! FATHOM?!! YOU DID COMPLETELY START OVER AGAIN BY DOWNLOADING THAT APP & MATCHING WITH WOMEN!!!! STFU!!! EFFIN IDIOT!!!! & his friend still asking about his decision AFTER he said he downloaded the app. Um. WTF?!! THAT'S HIS DECISION!!! I WISH Brett would've brought that up at the last group meeting & hear him spin that sh*t! He said they're "not on good terms." Uh. You're DONE!!! They really think we're stupid. Getting these lying soundbites. It's OVER! He's practically out there dating again. DD is just the technicality. How dare they insult our intelligence! There's NO QUESTION they're both a no. They just wasted time showing them talking about DD. I wish Brett would've let him have it. It's almost like she sunk to his punk level last week when she didn't formally say it was over just like he didn't weeks prior. She was way too passive while he spewed his BS. I mean, I know women have to stay chill, but damn! She should've gutted him with her words & days later he shows up to get the rest of his things & thanks her for not hating him. PERFECT opportunity to retort, "Can't hate someone who doesn't even matter." GET A SPINE!!! He didn't intend to hurt or disrespect her? Cool. WHAT did he intend?!! & then they show his last lie about having someone in his corner meaning a lot to him... Throw them both away!!! 

Edited November 7, 2021 by Lindz

[Lindz]

On 11/4/2021 at 8:08 PM, TzuShih said:

I WISH that Rachel would ask Jose what his REAL reason is for not considering an 'exotic' (out of the country trip) a fun experience??  There are, perhaps, his personal feelings/fears of being in a 'foreign'' situation where he feels a personal discomfort at having to deal with an unknown setting. (It seems as though his travel experiences have been somewhat limited.  Perhaps Rachel's easy, fun expectations for confronting the 'new and exotic' make him feel nervous or 'inadequate.') I think this is definitely something they need to discuss.  I just don't see this as solely a "money issue."  I feel there is much more (fear?) going on with Jose's dismissive responses to exploring the world.  I would love to see them enjoy all there is to see in all the amazing parts outside of our country.
  

EXACTLY!!! They need to DIG DEEPER!!!! That's what's wrong with all of them. It's always like, "this is my opinion, well I have a different one. The end." Uh. ASK WHY!!!!!! FTLOG!!! 😅😂 & then ask how they can meet in the damn middle!!! THAT SIMPLE!!! All they care about is their side & what they want!!! STUPID!!! José keeps mentioning how he grew up, so is it a poor man mentality?!!! HAVE A DAMN OPEN MIND & AT LEAST TRY IT!!! Closed-mindedness is so repulsive!!! How would he like it if she said she wouldn't go with him to Vegas & ish??? Some things you do because your spouse asks you & you care about them & want to make them happy. DUH!!! Oh & him blaming social media was so absurd!!! People been traveling & ish since FOREVER!!! GTFOH WHITE BOARD!!! 😂😂

Edited November 7, 2021 by Lindz

[kristen111]

26 minutes ago, Lindz said:

Really Ryan?!! "It's tough to FATHOM completely starting over again"?!?!?!!! FATHOM?!! YOU DID COMPLETELY START OVER AGAIN BY DOWNLOADING THAT APP & MATCHING WITH WOMEN!!!! STFU!!! EFFIN IDIOT!!!! & his friend still asking about his decision AFTER he said he downloaded the app. Um. WTF?!! THAT'S HIS DECISION!!! I WISH Brett would've brought that up at the last group meeting & hear him spin that sh*t! He said they're " not on good terms." Uh. You're DONE!!! They really think we're stupid. Getting these lying soundbites. It's OVER! He's practically out there dating again. DD is just the technicality. How dare they insult our intelligence! There's NO QUESTION they're both a no. They just wasted time showing them talking about DD. I wish Brett would've let him have it. It's almost like she sunk to his punk level last week when she didn't formally say it was over just like he didn't weeks prior. She was way too passive while he spewed his BS. I mean, I know women have to stay chill, but damn! She should've gutted him with her words & days later he shows up to get the rest of his things & thanks her for not hating him. PERFECT opportunity to retort, "Can't hate someone who doesn't even matter." GET A SPINE!!! He didn't intend to hurt or disrespect her? Cool. WHAT did he intend?!! & then they show his last lie about having someone in his corner meaning a lot to him... Throw them both away!!! 

Yeah, absolutely.  But, do we know what’s fake or what’s true anymore?  We are posting, but don’t know the real truth.  Maybe Ryan did tell her nicely that Brett wasn’t for him, but production leaves that part out.  This is the problem.  We don’t know the truth.  It’s not right.  We all are getting worked up for drama created by the show, unfortunately.  Only three pages of posts when there should be at least eight.  Go to Spoilers and Speculations.

[Lindz]

Rachel's friend... "The notecards are TRASH!" Ain't that the truth!!! 😅😂 You don't need notecards on how to be a good person. The one about him checking on her did sound controlling, hopefully he meant it in the way he locked her out that night & not caring where she was. 😅 The deadbolt thing is weird. I'd say he wouldn't if she wasn't home & he didn't know if she'd be home. Then she reinforced that on her night away not to lock it. Weird. & he can STFU with his constantly saying she left him during "hard times." Uh. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!! VERBAL ABUSE is dealbreaker stuff!!! She was completely justified so he can stop with that BS! He's no victim. & then she said she didn't quit, but she did! She just went back, but she totally said issa wrap! 😅

Edited November 6, 2021 by Lindz

[Lindz]

Oh Bao & her fake eyelashes falling off. That was funny. Another victim of bad shots of them looking down.... Like her husband, how fitting. 😅😂

[buttersister]

Rachel: Jose, tell the kids about the time you locked me out of our apartment in the middle of the night.

Never going to happen.

[Lindz]

Oh Johnny & Bao. ANOTHER one where they think we're stupid! There's NO DOUBT they're a no! They were still sleeping SEPARATELY on their last night "together"!!! GIMME A BREAK!!! Were they really the only ones to have a final "date"? Weird. It was nice to see Johnny's cute friend tho... So Johnny's on the Zack train of, "regardless of DD, let's hang out." HUH?!!! WHAAA?!! WHY would anyone agree to that DOWNGRADE?!?!! Please make it make sense, cuz I don't understand their BS. Play that ish out cuz it's so absurd!!! They really think they're slick & only care about themselves & what they want. Why wouldn't divorce be FINAL? Like, they're tryna work backwards, when they started backwards. 😅 I think they just wanna keep their EX-wives in rotation with other women they date or are trying to lessen the divorce blow. They have ZERO INTENTION of being married to them again. If they were asked that simple question, they'd probably dance around it & say, "maybe." 😅 We just hope the women have the self-love, value, & respect to say no first. Zack said his decision. He said saying yes means the 8 weeks were great & he was happy. HUH?!!! EVERY relationship isn't happy & great 100% of the time. Quit sounding dumb you idiot! 😂😂 

Edited November 7, 2021 by Lindz

[Lindz]

Gil goes in on Myrla too much. SSDD. I wonder how he'd like it if Myrla did the same to him. He's tryna be on his high horse, but it's not working. Can he not see he's constantly being negative??? Perfect pair of complainers, huh? 😅😂 He states everything as fact & offers NO EVIDENCE to support his conclusions. SUPPORT WHAT YOU SAY. & saying beauty fades was BS. She said, "fabulous," not just about her looks. WHERE is his kindness?! My gah! All he does is pick! & although I appreciate her not reacting all worked up, I think her lack of emotion might go too far. Like when he said he felt safe opening up, like, ya, she doesn't judge, but does she show empathy & such? Like, she needs to show more positive emotion for positive things. It seems like they'll say yes tho.

[kristen111]

5 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I'm not sure what Myrla expects in regard to splitting the finances.  The show never aired anything coming from her mouth about this and somehow I think there's a misunderstanding between her and Gil about it.  I really doubt that she would expect Gil to shoulder the financial responsibility for all the bills while her money is only for her alone.  I do believe that she might be encouraging him to find ways to make more money, though, so that ideally they could split everything down the middle.  Somehow I think Gil didn't fully understand what she was getting at and maybe she didn't explain it well enough.  

In my case, my husband (who is somewhat old school about this but he is 65) has always insisted on paying for the monthly recurring expenses like rent/mortgage, electricity, heating, phone, etc. while my income, (which was usually about 25% less) went for everything else, like unexpected expenses. home improvement, insurance, vacations, clothing, food, etc.  In our case it worked out because of our specific expenses and incomes but never (until last year) did either of us make as much less than the other one as in Gil and Myrla's case.  I'm not working now and my husband got a new job so now he pays for a lot more than he used to.  It's only fair and natural for a couple to make those changes as their situations change, and for us it will change again when both of us start collecting our retirement money.

I get it that Myrla doesn't want to change her lifestyle but I think her implied implication is that Gil better find a better job or more lucrative side hustle otherwise she's not going to be happy having to give up some of the things she likes.  Is that selfish?  Perhaps, but she didn't ask to be matched with someone that made that much less than she does.  She should be willing to be more flexible on this, though.  Perhaps this is her "get out of jail free" card to sabotage the relationship.

I don’t think Myrla should of suggested he get a better job.  That’s over doing it. I know men who have degrees in finance and other very lucrative jobs that became a Cop or Fireman because that was what they wanted.  They could of chosen better jobs but chose different for half the salary.

[kristen111]

19 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I don't think so, because the same commitment necessary to sustain a lasting relationship applies to friendships as well.  If people are becoming more commitment-phobic they will also become less committed to friendships for the long haul.  I'm positively shocked at Bao's friend sabotaging her to Johnny.  I don't care if he's also Johnny's friend you just don't do that to one of your best friends.  Something similar happened a few seasons ago between a bride and one of her girlfriends.  Those don't sound like "solid" friendships to me that will last until old age.  Plus even the oldest and best of friends can die on you, go crazy or just drop you for no good reason because you did nothing wrong.  Don't ask me how I know that.  I've already lost once solid friends to all of those things and I'm 63.

Tell me about it.  Friends to me is a two way street.  Give and take.  Some just want to dump on you to feel better, but comes a time when you need them, they all of a sudden are too busy.  My dear Father in law always said “say hello and goodbye to neighbors” and “if you have just one good friend at the end of your life, consider yourself lucky”.  Wise Man.

[Lindz]

WHY do people start with BS small talk after they wrong the other person? Heck! Some people try to ignore their wrongdoing entirely. Is it to gauge the mood & see if the person is calm? I can't do the fake BS. The wrong should be the FIRST thing addressed out the gate! Ryan is such a horrible punk! He's just apologizing to save face, but it makes no difference. He's not sorry he downloaded the app AND matched with someone, he's sorry he got caught & confronted.

[Lindz]

I can't wait to never again see Johnny sigh & look depressed over everything! He was the biggest buzzkill! Ryan was the avoider. Zack was the flip flopper. Michaela was the crazy. Good riddance! 😅😂

[Gator Stud]

On 11/3/2021 at 8:45 PM, CSunshine76 said:

Jose and Rachel will never see eye to eye. She wants an every other year trip out of the country. He wants to drive two hours across I-10 to San Antonio. There is no compromise between those two!

And for the record, I’m with Rachel. Im a born and raised Texan and love my long weekend trips to other parts of Texas.  But that absolutely does not count as my “vacation” for the year. Quit being cheap Jose! 

When I lived in Houston, I went to NYC, LA, Montreal, FL many times.  I tried vacationing in Galvaston, but the water is brown.  It was a one time thing. I was bored to death in San Antonio.  Only place that I would go back to is Austin or Houston.

[Welshman in Ca]

On 11/3/2021 at 10:08 PM, kristen111 said:

My oldest was smart.  Right after college, she went with a group tour her age to Europe by herself.  A tour bus .. 10 countries in two weeks.  They saw everything.  The best vacation of her life.

10 countries in 14 days and they saw everything?

[answerphone]

Team Gil or Team  Myrla?

 Did they really have anything in common besides their Hispanic heritage?

[Elizzikra]

10 minutes ago, answerphone said:

Team Gil or Team  Myrla?

 Did they really have anything in common besides their Hispanic heritage?

Both lost their fathers under tragic circumstances when they were young.

[Starlight925]

I can't stand Jose, and I'd have left that night he spoke to me that way, after such a minor infraction (calling him Johnny by mistake), after he locked me out.....for good.

But, I don't fault him for not wanting to travel in the same way Rachel does.  Some people just don't like to travel; others are world-bound.

I dated a guy who was a VP of a major corporation, tons of money, who didn't even own a passport at age 50+.  His vacation idea had to include water, so pick any beach in America, and....that was it.  One of those people who felt like if you can't see it in America, you don't need it.  One of the things that ended us was our difference in desired shared activities, i.e. travel.

But Rachel, girl, sleep with one eye open.

[Lindz]

I hope these people get what they deserve. Especially Johnny. I'd love to see him be set up to be torn down & told they're just letting him know how they feel. 😂 He deserves so much cruelty. I really hope Zack let's Michaela go & that him not walking away when he should have doesn't come back to hurt him. He's been terrorized enough. 😅 Perhaps Ryan had been getting what he deserved all along: boring avoiders. He seems superficial. All he cares about is looks, so that's all he gets.

Edited November 9, 2021 by Lindz

[Lindz]

What did these people bring out of each other? José & Rachel seemed to bring out the best until he showed his true, crazy colors. Johnny was definitely the worst because of himself, I'm not sure if Bao could've brought out the best in him. Being married didn't bring out the best in people, which is so bizarre. This experiment isn't meant to be successful because there's no foundation or attachment. There's not like, love, or even attraction. Sometimes the commitment is just a meaningless piece of paper. Apparently, they want their idea of marriage, but are they even marriage material??? This season has shown even more types of people to exclude: crazy & cruel. Let's hope they do better.

[Marley GMA]

On 11/6/2021 at 11:04 AM, kristen111 said:

Is that a good enough reason to not get married?  There are so many things more important to consider.  If he remains to control his temper, he could turn out to be a good Father and provider.  She may never find anyone to her way of thinking.  She doesn’t want to compromise.  You can’t have everything your way. She has to make a list of the pros and cons.  Not everyone is perfect.  Both have to give in for things to work out.  Marriage is hard.  Usually, one gives in more than the other.  I gave in more in my marriage.  Somebody has to.  Married over 50 years.  I’ve made the list many times.  The pros outweighed the cons.  Besides the love is there from the beginning.  Two years of dating, and still there were lots to learn.   There were times I wanted to throw in the towel, but looked at him sleeping and thought he never leaves the house, is a great provider, and loves his home, kids and tv.  Then I calm down.  Everyone gets frustrated from time to time.  You just can’t have everything your way.

 

It would NOT be a deal breaker for me; however, if it is to her, she needs to move on.  I think she will stay (and the editing is making it look like a problem), but some people are not into making big trips all the time, so I get it. If she can compromise to go with friends sometimes and he can compromise to go once in a while, they will be ok.  However, for me, that horrible temper and lockout and condescending attitude in prior episode would have been such a turnoff to me, that travel would not have been an issue because I would not have stayed.

[Allison1]

I think Rachel and Jose are a terrible match but I don't have a problem with either the name or the door locking.  DH used to have an employee whose name was close to mine and sometimes he'd call me that.  Big deal?  NO!   We'd just laugh about it.  We have a deadbolt lock and setting it gets so automatic we have occasionally locked each other out.  We laugh about that too.  Sometimes you really can't sweat the small stuff.

 

[buttersister]

22 minutes ago, Allison1 said:

We have a deadbolt lock and setting it gets so automatic we have occasionally locked each other out.  We laugh about that too. 

Because one of you hasn't cursed the other one up and down with a GTFOH.  I still don't understand how you come back from that.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

We have a deadbolt lock and setting it gets so automatic we have occasionally locked each other out.  We laugh about that too.  Sometimes you really can't sweat the small stuff.

That was not an honest mistake or a door automatically locking. That was Jose being an abusive dick to his wife. He knew damn well as he was "securing his belongings" that he was locking her out.

[Mr. Miner]

And she went and stayed with an ex, at least his belongings were secured.

[mythoughtis]

4 hours ago, Allison1 said:

I think Rachel and Jose are a terrible match but I don't have a problem with either the name or the door locking.  DH used to have an employee whose name was close to mine and sometimes he'd call me that.  Big deal?  NO!   We'd just laugh about it.  We have a deadbolt lock and setting it gets so automatic we have occasionally locked each other out.  We laugh about that too.  Sometimes you really can't sweat the small stuff.

 

I can totally see locking her out by accident.  What was upsetting to me about that was either she didn’t call him or he didn’t answer the phone. She had her phone because she called her ex.   It was 1AM.  He should have checked to see if she was in the other bedroom. He should have touched base with her and verified she was going home for the night.  He should have looked to see she had her purse and car keys with her.  Obviously he was mad, and not used to living with someone.  But it was not only disrespectful, it could have been dangerous to her. 
Hopefully he has learned his lesson.  He seems to be very calm ever since then. 
 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Hopefully he has learned his lesson.  He seems to be very calm ever since then. 

I think the only thing that he learned was to keep his bad behavior off camera.

I think if the locking out had been purely accidental - just muscle memory gone wrong - Jose would have apologized for it or at least acknowledged it. I think he knew full well what he did and was punishing Rachel for calling him by another man's name. It's an abuser tactic and a huge red flag. 

[gingerandcloves]

I don't give a flying fig that Rachel went to her ex's that night...if I were married to a guy who treated me that way after a minor mistake, I'd leave and never go back. His behavior was inexcusable, and the fact that he lied about locking the door, and then had the nerve after his outburst, to insinuate that she possibly cheated on him by spending the night at her ex's...nope. No way. Done with him. He and Michaela are birds of a feather.

[kristen111]

On 11/7/2021 at 11:14 AM, Welshman in Ca said:

10 countries in 14 days and they saw everything?

Yes, the important stuff.  She flew from New York to London where she met the tour people ages 35 and down.  Boarded bus and went north to Amsterdam, then all around to Germany, etc., one Country after another I can’t remember, Paris, the Louve, Italy, Florence, etc.  some countries they visited for one day as they were close.  Some they slept one night.  In Germany, it was Octoberfest .. beautiful.  The Castles on the way, etc.  Tours for her age and seniors.  If I didn’t have back and knee problems now, I would go with a friend.  She saw lots of seniors with walkers, etc.  If I remember, she bought lots of Crystal in Austria and things for me.  Tour busses are great if you want to see a lot.  Many on the road.

Edited November 9, 2021 by kristen111

[kristen111]

22 hours ago, answerphone said:

Team Gil or Team  Myrla?

 Did they really have anything in common besides their Hispanic heritage?

Zip .. nada.

[kristen111]

On 11/6/2021 at 1:39 PM, buttersister said:

Rachel: Jose, tell the kids about the time you locked me out of our apartment in the middle of the night.

Never going to happen.

She’s no bargain either.  I want this, I want that.  GTFOOH.  You want a husband or a tour guide?  I’m disgusted with all of them.  Bad batch.

[Empress1]

6 hours ago, gingerandcloves said:

I don't give a flying fig that Rachel went to her ex's that night...if I were married to a guy who treated me that way after a minor mistake, I'd leave and never go back. His behavior was inexcusable, and the fact that he lied about locking the door, and then had the nerve after his outburst, to insinuate that she possibly cheated on him by spending the night at her ex's...nope. No way. Done with him. He and Michaela are birds of a feather.

Also, if it’s the middle of the night and I’m locked out alone, I’m going to whoever answers the phone and says I can come over. I don’t have time to parse out who it is; it’s 1 AM and I’m not safe. (I do wonder why she didn’t go to her own place though.)

On 11/8/2021 at 10:41 AM, Elizzikra said:

Both lost their fathers under tragic circumstances when they were young.

Myrla was an adult (I think she lost hers like 5 years ago), while Gil was a teen. I believe both their fathers were murdered, however.

[kristen111]

20 hours ago, Marley GMA said:

It would NOT be a deal breaker for me; however, if it is to her, she needs to move on.  I think she will stay (and the editing is making it look like a problem), but some people are not into making big trips all the time, so I get it. If she can compromise to go with friends sometimes and he can compromise to go once in a while, they will be ok.  However, for me, that horrible temper and lockout and condescending attitude in prior episode would have been such a turnoff to me, that travel would not have been an issue because I would not have stayed.

I agree.  Plus, has anyone ever thought he might be against flying to Europe because he is afraid?  It’s probably that he thinks it’s too expensive, but maybe he’s afraid?  Lots of people will not fly over water.  And then Thailand.  By now, she should have gone with a friend if that’s what she wanted.  She’s extremely adamant about going with HIM.  It’s a must, and a deal breaker.

[kristen111]

21 hours ago, Allison1 said:

I think Rachel and Jose are a terrible match but I don't have a problem with either the name or the door locking.  DH used to have an employee whose name was close to mine and sometimes he'd call me that.  Big deal?  NO!   We'd just laugh about it.  We have a deadbolt lock and setting it gets so automatic we have occasionally locked each other out.  We laugh about that too.  Sometimes you really can't sweat the small stuff.

 

I think the problems here are the age.  Years ago, people got married in their early twenties.  In this show and now in general, people are in their thirties, and are set in their ways.  They want what they want .. NOW.  I don’t believe in this show.  I would know in one minute if I could go forward with someone.  It’s just a feeling you get, at least for me.  When will these women have children?  In their forties?  Rachel has probably traveled already .. lots.  She wants more?  Stay single then.  Over the years, we have gone to Florida every February when the kids were off, by car.  We went to Disney.  My husband went once.  After that, I made him drop us off at the gate and told him to go play golf.  He picked us up eight hours later.  Win, win for both of us.  That’s why I’m still married.  He got what he wanted and I got what I wanted.  You don’t have to do everything together.  One can become resentful.  My husband is not the type to ride around in teacups.  He’s a jock, and that’s ok.  You can’t make your partner do something he doesn’t want to do.  It’s not fair .. it’s controlling.  If I want to go somewhere like a play in the City, he will go, as he knows it’s very important to me.  I go to sporting events with him even tho I’d rather not.

Edited November 9, 2021 by kristen111

[cinsays]

1 hour ago, Empress1 said:

Also, if it’s the middle of the night and I’m locked out alone, I’m going to whoever answers the phone and says I can come over. I don’t have time to parse out who it is; it’s 1 AM and I’m not safe. (I do wonder why she didn’t go to her own place though.)

plus, she didn't have her keys, so couldn't drive to or get in her place, so her ex answered and he took her home

plus she's known him longer and better than the other people on the show, so she's more comfortable with him and he could comfort her.  

having sex with him is not a given.

[kristen111]

21 hours ago, buttersister said:

Because one of you hasn't cursed the other one up and down with a GTFOH.  I still don't understand how you come back from that.

Plus, a leopard doesn’t change its spots.  Once a temper, always a temper.  It’s in him.  Also, she’s a spender, he isn’t.  He’s a saver.

[Empress1]

25 minutes ago, cinsays said:

plus, she didn't have her keys, so couldn't drive to or get in her place, so her ex answered and he took her home

plus she's known him longer and better than the other people on the show, so she's more comfortable with him and he could comfort her.  

having sex with him is not a given.

Ah - I didn’t realize she didn’t have her keys. Thanks!

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Rachel has probably traveled already .. lots.  She wants more?  Stay single then.

Married people can't travel?

Quote

When will these women have children?  In their forties? 

Better to risk not having children at all then having them with the wrong person. Some of them may not want children or only want one. Maybe they are planning on having them late 30's/early 40's. I'm sure they are well aware that's it's more difficult to get pregnant then. 

[greeneyedscorpio]

On 11/8/2021 at 12:52 PM, Allison1 said:

I think Rachel and Jose are a terrible match but I don't have a problem with either the name or the door locking.  DH used to have an employee whose name was close to mine and sometimes he'd call me that.  Big deal?  NO!   We'd just laugh about it.  We have a deadbolt lock and setting it gets so automatic we have occasionally locked each other out.  We laugh about that too.  Sometimes you really can't sweat the small stuff.

 

Yeah, except that he locked her out on purpose, out of anger.  

[pdlinda]

4 hours ago, kristen111 said:

I don’t believe in this show.  I would know in one minute if I could go forward with someone.  It’s just a feeling you get, at least for me.

I agree with you.  But that's "me."  I could tell in five minutes if I wanted to proceed with a guy or not.  

However, I have to admit that there were several MAFS "matchups" that didn't fit that theory:  Jamie and Doug, Karen and Miles and Jamie and Beth to name a few.  It's true that Jamie and Doug have constant "challenges" in their marriage, but, hey, they monetized these "bumps in the road" and make a good living by milking every issue they're having at the moment.  It's their career at this point (aside from her gig on Unfiltered).  

The other 2 couples seem to be enduring, as well.  Even Jepthe (sp?) and Shawneice seem to have "caught on" to what they have to do to keep those TLC paychecks rolling in:  Their dramatic on-again, off-again marriage has now progressed to a point where they're thinking of expanding their family and their appearances on "Couples Cam" may provide them with the $$$ to do so!

In the greater scheme of things, I agree with your assessment of people in their 30's who are set in their ways, being unlikely to succeed on a show like MAFS.  All the compromises you describe between you and your husband that make your marriage work might be distasteful to people perfectly satisfied to have what they want when they want it and being able to afford $$$ to live the life they desire.

I always say:  Having no one is far superior than having the WRONG ONE.  In other words:  "You can't fit a square peg into a round hole."

[kristen111]

1 hour ago, pdlinda said:

I agree with you.  But that's "me."  I could tell in five minutes if I wanted to proceed with a guy or not.  

However, I have to admit that there were several MAFS "matchups" that didn't fit that theory:  Jamie and Doug, Karen and Miles and Jamie and Beth to name a few.  It's true that Jamie and Doug have constant "challenges" in their marriage, but, hey, they monetized these "bumps in the road" and make a good living by milking every issue they're having at the moment.  It's their career at this point (aside from her gig on Unfiltered).  

The other 2 couples seem to be enduring, as well.  Even Jepthe (sp?) and Shawneice seem to have "caught on" to what they have to do to keep those TLC paychecks rolling in:  Their dramatic on-again, off-again marriage has now progressed to a point where they're thinking of expanding their family and their appearances on "Couples Cam" may provide them with the $$$ to do so!

In the greater scheme of things, I agree with your assessment of people in their 30's who are set in their ways, being unlikely to succeed on a show like MAFS.  All the compromises you describe between you and your husband that make your marriage work might be distasteful to people perfectly satisfied to have what they want when they want it and being able to afford $$$ to live the life they desire.

I always say:  Having no one is far superior than having the WRONG ONE.  In other words:  "You can't fit a square peg into a round hole."

I agree that having the wrong one is undesirable, but having the right one is enjoyable, even with compromises.  If these on the show are happy, why are they on the show looking?  Jamie settled because she wanted the home life she never had.  She said it herself.  I couldn’t live like that.

[pdlinda]

3 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

 If these on the show are happy, why are they on the show looking?

My take on why these "30 somethings" (with the exception of Zach) are on the show is because they want the "thrill" of being semi-celebrities that comes with their participation, the $$$ and the possibility that, despite their "happiness" there is that intangible "someone" whom they would never meet elsewhere (with the exception of Bao and Johnny) that might create a life for them that would surpass what they are living being single.

I think in theory their reasons for joining the show have merit. However, the problems arise when "real life" intervenes and the actual experience of sacrificing a satisfying and comfortable single life for the tantrums, emotional imbalances, divergent value systems and lack of "attraction" we've seen this season rear their ugly head.  

It's beginning to seem that as opposed to elevating the sacred state of matrimony, this show is doing more to discourage people from getting married than the reverse. 

That's unfortunate!

[Elizzikra]

Quote

I could tell in five minutes if I wanted to proceed with a guy or not.  

I think that's sort of the idea of the show though - that people think they know and end up ruling out people that would actually be good matches for them. This would be more persuasive if the show had a higher success rate.

Quote

If these on the show are happy, why are they on the show looking? 

I was single until I was in my mid-forties. I was happy. I dated my now-husband. I was happy. I married him. I'm happy.

Happy single people can still be looking for a partner. They just aren't unhappy while they're still single. 

Quote

Jamie settled because she wanted the home life she never had.  She said it herself.  I couldn’t live like that.

That may be true but I don't think that's Jamie's public narrative. Jamie's narrative is that she wasn't initially attracted to Doug, didn't think she would be happy married to him and then fell in love with him. She came on the show to get married and have the family life she never had but she stayed married (she says) because she fell in love with Doug. That's why she is the poster child for the show; she wouldn't have dated the person the "experts" chose for her but it lo and behold, she's happily married to him.

[kristen111]

On 11/4/2021 at 11:08 PM, TzuShih said:

I WISH that Rachel would ask Jose what his REAL reason is for not considering an 'exotic' (out of the country trip) a fun experience??  There are, perhaps, his personal feelings/fears of being in a 'foreign'' situation where he feels a personal discomfort at having to deal with an unknown setting. (It seems as though his travel experiences have been somewhat limited.  Perhaps Rachel's easy, fun expectations for confronting the 'new and exotic' make him feel nervous or 'inadequate.') I think this is definitely something they need to discuss.  I just don't see this as solely a "money issue."  I feel there is much more (fear?) going on with Jose's dismissive responses to exploring the world.  I would love to see them enjoy all there is to see in all the amazing parts outside of our country.
  

That’s a very good point .. exactly what I say.  Maybe he won’t admit to being scared of flying over water, not knowing the foreign language, many things.

[pdlinda]

7 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

That’s a very good point .. exactly what I say.  Maybe he won’t admit to being scared of flying over water, not knowing the foreign language, many things.

Maybe he fears people pointing out his short stature and him never knowing why they're "snickering" because he doesn't speak the language.

[Rae Spellman]

8 hours ago, kristen111 said:

When will these women have children?  In their forties?  Rachel has probably traveled already .. lots.  She wants more?  Stay single then.  

When Deonna married Greg she was thirty, hadn't been in a serious relationship in a decade, and still managed to have a child within 2.5 years of her wedding day. The oldest woman this season is thirty-five. 

Rachel has more options than stay single or give up traveling.  Most MAFS husbands aren't opposed to leaving their states or the country. Keith, Woody, Vincent, AJ, and Miles travel with their wives. Karen went on a girls trip. Jamie Otis went on a trip with other MAFS wives. 

[ECM1231]

3 hours ago, pdlinda said:

Maybe he fears people pointing out his short stature and him never knowing why they're "snickering" because he doesn't speak the language.

Why would anyone snicker at a person b/c of his short stature?

[mythoughtis]

1 hour ago, ECM1231 said:

Why would anyone snicker at a person b/c of his short stature?

Have you read the comments on this forum?  As any short person can tell you / we get made fun of a lot. People seem to think you are less of a person if you are short 

[Yeah No]

11 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Quote

Rachel has probably traveled already .. lots.  She wants more?  Stay single then.

Married people can't travel?

Of course they can, but I think the point here is that Rachel (and to some extent some of the others like Myrla) seems a little too unwilling to change some of her single behavior to focus on spending on other shared endeavors that she wants in addition to those things now that she's married, such as buying a house, furniture, having kids, etc.  It becomes just too expensive to do it all the way you used to before marriage and especially before kids unless your income level can support it.  And in a lot of these cases I'm skeptical as to whether they can really afford to keep doing all those things like travel and support everything else they also want to do once married.  In this case I think José is reacting like he's adding it all up in his head and trying to steer her toward less expensive vacations.  I doubt it's about whether he likes to travel overseas or not, he isn't even thinking about that.  He's thinking that she isn't being realistic about how much all of this is going to cost, and he may be right about that.  To some degree Gil is reacting the same way to Myrla although that situation is a little different because he makes so much less than Myrla.