Do You Consider Yourself A Feminist?: Why Or Why Not?

[Bastet]

Since I'm a middle-aged woman, not a girl, it's not a term I'd ever use.  I hadn't heard it, so I read that article from Bon Apetit.  I still don't understand the logic or point of calling a snack plate a girl dinner.

[PRgal]

14 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Since I'm a middle-aged woman, not a girl, it's not a term I'd ever use.  I hadn't heard it, so I read that article from Bon Apetit.  I still don't understand the logic or point of calling a snack plate a girl dinner.

So am I.  But I’d happily join my GIRLfriends for a GIRLS’ night.  And I am an Old GIRL of the Bishop Strachan School, not an alumna (which is what they’re using these days.  A lot of us aren’t happy about it). 

[Browncoat]

20 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I still don't understand the logic or point of calling a snack plate a girl dinner.

Seems like it should just be called an I'm too tired to cook dinner dinner.  I mean, I generally actually do make a real dinner for myself unless I'm just tired or maybe if I need food quickly.  I don't get why it's called a girl dinner, either.

And now the word "dinner" just looks weird.  

[stewedsquash]

1 hour ago, peacheslatour said:

My husband is going to visit his sister this weekend so he bought me a Marie Callender's key lime pie for company while I watch "my" movies.

 

Try Edward’s brand if they are available in your stores.  Soooo much better. They have been around since the 50’s and sometime later were distributed by Schwan’s, if you have access to their truck deliveries. Callender’s crusts are not good to me. Edward’s crusts, on all their flavors, and their fillings have a great texture and taste. Callender’s has a waxy feel to me.

https://www.edwardsdesserts.com/pages/about-us

I am not paid by Edward’s lol.

I would buy the rebranded renamed veggie plate from Popeye’s. Maybe. I still haven’t stopped being bummed that they dropped their green beans. I would get a chicken sandwich also and and half all of options into two meals. 

eta this site is so wonky since the ad change. 
I eat what I want whether anyone else does or not.

 

Edited July 21, 2023 by stewedsquash

[Anela]

It's like the "hot girl summer" meme.

I'm a member of an executive dysfunction food group on facebook, and they just call it "fed it best". Eat whatever you like, because eating something is better than not eating at all.

[PRgal]

56 minutes ago, Anela said:

It's like the "hot girl summer" meme.

I'm a member of an executive dysfunction food group on facebook, and they just call it "fed it best". Eat whatever you like, because eating something is better than not eating at all.

That works for some.  For others, it’s an excuse to do empty calories/calories without much nutritional value.   Or overeat, which is also an ED.  And if you’re like me who lost the ability to feel full after a bout of Covid, you need to find a way to relearn.  

[Laura Holt]

There is a high profile separation here in Canada making the news right now and what is getting my feminist dander up is the way certain people in in my 'real' life and in the media keep referring to the lady in question as Mrs. HisLastName.  She has never used his last name but here it is 2023 and this is still considered so out there that people can't just use the name she goes by?  This is too much to ask?

Edited August 4, 2023 by Laura Holt

[PRgal]

1 hour ago, Laura Holt said:

There is a high profile separation here in Canada making the news right now and what is getting my feminist dander up is the way certain people in in my 'real' life and in the media keep referring to the lady in question as Mrs. HisLastName.  She has never used his last name but here it is 2023 and this is still considered so out there that people can't just use the name she goes by?  This is too much to ask?

She uses both names.  This is what I've been reading in news media.  And honestly, I have zero issues with doing both.  I'm referred to as Ms. Maiden Name Married Name, Mrs. Married Name or Ms. Maiden Name interchangeably.  Officially, on my IDs it's both.  All my alma maters list both names, as they do with all grads who've changed their names upon marriage anyway.  

[Laura Holt]

10 minutes ago, PRgal said:

She uses both names. 

Yes, she uses both names because it became a stupid hot button issue that she wasn't using his.  She married in Quebec, as did I, and women do not take their husband's names.  Socially, sure, you can do whatever you want, but if you want to take your husband's name you have to go through a legal name change.  But at any rate as you say she uses both names, so dropping one when she is being referenced is incorrect, and to me rage inducing.  

Edited August 4, 2023 by Laura Holt

[Bastet]

Exactly -- she goes by her last name, which is her legal name, or her last name and his last name together.  But she does not go by his last name only, so no one should be calling her Mrs. His Last Name. 

Edited August 5, 2023 by Bastet

[partofme]

2 hours ago, Laura Holt said:

There is a high profile separation here in Canada making the news right now and what is getting my feminist dander up is the way certain people in in my 'real' life and in the media keep referring to the lady in question as Mrs. HisLastName.  She has never used his last name but here it is 2023 and this is still considered so out there that people can't just use the name she goes by?  This is too much to ask?

It’s probably different since you’re Canadian but I have no idea what her name is, so if I was discussing their separation I would have to refer to her as his wife or his ex.  

[peacheslatour]

2 hours ago, partofme said:

It’s probably different since you’re Canadian but I have no idea what her name is, so if I was discussing their separation I would have to refer to her as his wife or his ex.  

Sophie Gregoire.

[peacheslatour]

This is why we still need feminism-

 

[Annber03]

Gosh, yeah, total mystery why she left you, dude. Good lord. 

[peacheslatour]

20 minutes ago, Annber03 said:

Gosh, yeah, total mystery why she left you, dude. Good lord. 

It's all over in internet now. Good luck finding another punching bag, dipshit.

[Jaded]

[Anela]

The posts about a woman's last name (using it), reminded me of when my sister had been married for a couple of years. She sent my mum a card from Canada, and addressed it to, "Mrs. (Dad's Name.)" I was so annoyed. Her name was Rita, she had her own name. She was her own person. 

[Anela]

22 hours ago, Jaded said:

He has a backup:

https://twitter.com/Jynxx141

[JustHereForFood]

I have recently come across this and at first, I thought it is all parody (both the question and the advice). But seeing what some people are able to write, I now wonder if the question might have been a genuine question someone asked?

Help! My Ignorant, Naive Girlfriend Who Can Be Convinced to Have Sex With Literally Anyone in Exchange For a Sushi Roll Is Conspiring with Her Nefariously Evil Ex-Boss Who Didn’t Put Any Moves On Her to Not Cheat On Me With Him!

Quote

Dear Carolyn: Recently, my girlfriend changed to a better position at work, thanks to the recommendation from an ex-boss. Here’s what transpired next:
· Ex-boss asked her to leave work early and meet him for dinner, as it was his last night in town.
· He asked her to drive and meet at his condo (his family lives in another city).
· They went to a restaurant with her favorite cuisine (my guess, he knew this from working together 10 years) that was walking distance from his condo.
In my mind, this was a textbook affair setup and/or an upper-manager power play, testing his power over her.
She did not share this setup with me until after the fact. She was oblivious to my concerns regarding the potential professional ramifications of going to an upper manager’s condo, then dinner, right after receiving a new job he was pivotal in her receiving.
Did I have the right to be (very) upset about this scenario? She swears it was all business talk and texted me on her drive home.
— J.

Dear J.,

You have a totally normal and reasonable view of human behavior and professional norms and a very healthy relationship with the concept of women’s bodily autonomy, agency, and sexuality.

Ex-bosses want one thing and one thing only from their women employees, and that’s to buy them dinner and fuck them. Your ignorant, naive skank of a girlfriend is lucky she had you looking out for her, or else she might have gone to dinner with a former colleague and not fucked them, instead of what actually happened, which is that she went to dinner with a former colleague and didn’t fuck them and you were upset about it. You went to all the trouble of getting worked up over your girlfriend going to poundtown with this guy and she didn’t even have the nerve to do it?? He didn’t even try to fuck her? She just came home and was like “that was a totally normal and platonic dinner between friends”??? The nerve.

Especially when it’s the you-being-upset part that really saved this whole mess of a situation. Imagine: if you hadn’t lost your fucking shit about someone doing a perfectly normal thing, life might have proceeded apace! Your girlfriend could have just done whatever normal shit she always does, like a grown-ass woman! And she would never have had to manage your little shitstorm and discovered only after the fact that she was on the verge of banging this other fucking guy and she had no idea!

Where would your girlfriend’s sexual purity and obligatory fidelity be without you, its devoted keeper? Probably giving out handies in exchange for rainbow rolls in her boss’s condo parking lot! You should tell many of your colleagues about how you handled this whole ordeal so that they know just what level you’re on when it comes to your professional expertise.

Any thoughts? It links to Washington Post which I'm not able to read, but that suggests it is probably real. Google tells me that the woman is an advice columnist, so.... Should I even be surprised that people write questions like that? There are even more crazy ones on that page. At least the answers are good.

[Laura Holt]

5 minutes ago, JustHereForFood said:

It links to Washington Post which I'm not able to read, but that suggests it is probably real. Google tells me that the woman is an advice columnist, so.

The original question might have been in the Washington Post but that answer very much would not have been, at least not as written. 

[peacheslatour]

26 minutes ago, Laura Holt said:

The original question might have been in the Washington Post but that answer very much would not have been, at least not as written. 

It's still funny as hell.

[Bastet]

2 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

It's still funny as hell.

Seriously.  This is art:

Quote

Where would your girlfriend’s sexual purity and obligatory fidelity be without you, its devoted keeper? Probably giving out handies in exchange for rainbow rolls in her boss’s condo parking lot! You should tell many of your colleagues about how you handled this whole ordeal so that they know just what level you’re on when it comes to your professional expertise.

 

[theredhead77]

On 10/22/2023 at 3:18 PM, Anela said:

The posts about a woman's last name (using it), reminded me of when my sister had been married for a couple of years. She sent my mum a card from Canada, and addressed it to, "Mrs. (Dad's Name.)" I was so annoyed. Her name was Rita, she had her own name. She was her own person. 

What does your mom prefer?  Was she annoyed?

[Ohiopirate02]

5 hours ago, JustHereForFood said:

I have recently come across this and at first, I thought it is all parody (both the question and the advice). But seeing what some people are able to write, I now wonder if the question might have been a genuine question someone asked?

Help! My Ignorant, Naive Girlfriend Who Can Be Convinced to Have Sex With Literally Anyone in Exchange For a Sushi Roll Is Conspiring with Her Nefariously Evil Ex-Boss Who Didn’t Put Any Moves On Her to Not Cheat On Me With Him!

Any thoughts? It links to Washington Post which I'm not able to read, but that suggests it is probably real. Google tells me that the woman is an advice columnist, so.... Should I even be surprised that people write questions like that? There are even more crazy ones on that page. At least the answers are good.

That looks like a parody account where the account holder uses real advice column questions and gives a made up answer.  I'm sure that many advice columnists would love to be able to answer some letter writers in this manner over the years, but standards would never allow.  Though Nicole Cliffe got close a few times over on Slate.  

[supposebly]

2 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I'm sure that many advice columnists would love to be able to answer some letter writers in this manner over the years, but standards would never allow. 

Actually the response sounds to me pretty much like something Dan Savage would write.

[Laura Holt]

Do men get called "sprightly"?  A close friend of mine is about my age and very athletic (I'd love to say we're similar in this respect.  We are not) she ran the Boston marathon a few years ago as one example of what I mean by her being athletic. 

Anyway she was telling me that while she was playing tennis today with a friend a couple of younger guys came up to them and were full of praise for them being so "sprightly" at their age.  She was laughing when she told me about it but it really bothered me that she was being condescended to partly for her age but mainly I think for her age combined with being a woman.  Sprightly middle age.  Ugh.

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Laura Holt said:

Do men get called "sprightly"?

Yes. I haven’t heard anyone say it in real life (for men or women) but mainly in celeb gossip stories or entertainment reviews. Particularly with broadway actors, regardless of age. Hugh Jackman and Tom Holland are the first ones that came to my mind. 

[meep.meep]

"I'm spry!"

Hugo on Lost

[Laura Holt]

My cousin is driving me crazy.  Every single time she gets a new man in her life she completely makes herself over into this person she thinks he wants her to be.  This time around the new guy is a hunter and suddenly she's taking lessons in gun safety so she can buy guns.  This is a woman who, a few guys back was a born again vegan.  It's infuriating to watch because I know,  based in every relationship she's ever had, that when this one runs its course she will change herself around to be the "soul mate" for the next guy.  

[isalicat]

41 minutes ago, Laura Holt said:

My cousin is driving me crazy.  Every single time she gets a new man in her life she completely makes herself over into this person she thinks he wants her to be.  This time around the new guy is a hunter and suddenly she's taking lessons in gun safety so she can buy guns.  This is a woman who, a few guys back was a born again vegan.  It's infuriating to watch because I know,  based in every relationship she's ever had, that when this one runs its course she will change herself around to be the "soul mate" for the next guy.  

Just curious...why does this drive *you* crazy? I would let her do her...maybe there is a chameleon somewhere back in your family tree that you have not yet learned about? 😸

[Anela]

My favourite thing in the world, is when a man who seems to despise most women, wonders aloud, where the feminists are, when something horrific happens to women he's decided to care about, in another country. He has alternative reasons to "care" and so I get called out as one of the few people who totally disagree with him in most respects, because I wasn't smart enough to leave years ago, and I sometimes talk politics there. Because I don't care what they think of me. It's one thing that's been murder for my mental health, when I hardly have anyone as backup, and I get piled on, if I speak up at all, or see posts with "crickets" when I've been away, for my fucking mental health, and because I have a life I'm trying to live. Somehow. 

So, I'm setting myself a goal to avoid the place for two months. Not caring about any call-outs, because anyone who knows me, knows what I stand for. What would leave me upset, outraged, etc. I don't need to be on-call for dipshits who just want to bother me.

[Dimity]

Has anyone else noticed the plethora of "good old days" books, blogs,  posts, memes, groups etc?  And have you noticed how they are so often a call for women to give up the things that have made their lives easier?  I'm not even talking politics or birth control or having their own credit card. 

I  mean stuff like cooking all your meals from scratch -  a microwave in your kitchen?  heavens!  But not even a microwave, if it came into use after 1955 then it's The Evil that Lurks.   

They'll concede the usefulness of a washing machine but oh my god you're not using a dryer when you could be outside in all weather hanging out the clothes!!

I saw one today (which is what motivated my rant) about getting rid of your dishwasher so you can experience the joy of swishing your hands through the suds as you wash your dishes and brighten your life.  Gag....

You note none of these things are aimed at men BTW.  All this going back to the good old days is squarely aimed at 'the gals'.  

I'll buy the notion that this is just straight up nostalgia and not intended to drag women back into their place when I start seeing stuff urging the menfolk to shovel their own driveways (snow blowers are for sissies) or for them to give up their electric/gas lawnmowers in favour of a push/reel mower!

*Edited to add - I do cook from scratch, wash dishes in the sink and have even been known to hang clothes outside (in the summer...at the cottage) it is not these specific things that bother me - it's the insistence that to do otherwise is wrong, wrong, wrong and True Happiness can only be found by turning the clock back -- for women only of course-- by at least 60 years!

Edited October 15 by Dimity

[PRgal]

@Dimity:  No, I have NOT seen such posts on my social.  My social media is bombarded by restaurant and recipe posts (especially from mom influencers, making food for their families or just the kids...there are some dad ones too, but most are comedic or are gay), however.  And many from sustainable fashion brands.  Or so-called sustainable, anyway.  

[JustHereForFood]

On 10/15/2024 at 7:09 PM, Dimity said:

Has anyone else noticed the plethora of "good old days" books, blogs,  posts, memes, groups etc?  And have you noticed how they are so often a call for women to give up the things that have made their lives easier?  I'm not even talking politics or birth control or having their own credit card. 

I  mean stuff like cooking all your meals from scratch -  a microwave in your kitchen?  heavens!  But not even a microwave, if it came into use after 1955 then it's The Evil that Lurks.   

They'll concede the usefulness of a washing machine but oh my god you're not using a dryer when you could be outside in all weather hanging out the clothes!!

I saw one today (which is what motivated my rant) about getting rid of your dishwasher so you can experience the joy of swishing your hands through the suds as you wash your dishes and brighten your life.  Gag....

You note none of these things are aimed at men BTW.  All this going back to the good old days is squarely aimed at 'the gals'.  

I'll buy the notion that this is just straight up nostalgia and not intended to drag women back into their place when I start seeing stuff urging the menfolk to shovel their own driveways (snow blowers are for sissies) or for them to give up their electric/gas lawnmowers in favour of a push/reel mower!

*Edited to add - I do cook from scratch, wash dishes in the sink and have even been known to hang clothes outside (in the summer...at the cottage) it is not these specific things that bother me - it's the insistence that to do otherwise is wrong, wrong, wrong and True Happiness can only be found by turning the clock back -- for women only of course-- by at least 60 years!

I know there is this trend of "tradwife" influencers, but I usually see it when somebody complains about it or tries to reason why it's BS - these women are making money doing their own business while basically arguing against that concept. It sounds quite toxic and it's sad how popular it is becoming, same with those toxic male influencers.

I mean, if one likes it for aesthetic, you can get all of that without the backwards mentality. It's not like cooking, decorating homes and such ever went out of fashion. One can even make money in those industries without throwing half of the population under the bus.

[Dimity]

Me and pretty much every woman I know right now:

[Bastet]

On 10/20/2024 at 5:24 PM, JustHereForFood said:

I know there is this trend of "tradwife" influencers, but I usually see it when somebody complains about it or tries to reason why it's BS - these women are making money doing their own business while basically arguing against that concept.

Like Phyllis Schlafly making a living out of touring the country telling women to stay home rather than making a living.  These influencers calling themselves "tradwives" is just as nonsensical as Schlafly calling herself a housewife.  History hasn't looked kindly on her; hopefully we'll survive to right ourselves and judge these modern morons similarly.

[Dimity]

22 minutes ago, Bastet said:

History hasn't looked kindly on her; hopefully we'll survive to right ourselves and judge these modern morons similarly

I hope to god I outlive Trump and his He Man Women Haters Club and get to see them trashed in the history books and the court of public opinion.

[Dimity]

Sounds about right:

 

[DXD526]

Quote

Like Phyllis Schlafly making a living out of touring the country telling women to stay home rather than making a living.

UGH. That was my definition of her back in the day: a woman who travels the country telling women they should stay home. It was such an obvious, dishonest grift, but she made a good living off it. 

[PRgal]

2 hours ago, DXD526 said:

UGH. That was my definition of her back in the day: a woman who travels the country telling women they should stay home. It was such an obvious, dishonest grift, but she made a good living off it. 

Pretty hypocritical.  Kinda like those tradwives. 

[fastiller]

On 12/1/2024 at 4:28 PM, Bastet said:

Like Phyllis Schlafly making a living out of touring the country telling women to stay home rather than making a living.  These influencers calling themselves "tradwives" is just as nonsensical as Schlafly calling herself a housewife.  History hasn't looked kindly on her; hopefully we'll survive to right ourselves and judge these modern morons similarly.

=&=

2 hours ago, DXD526 said:

UGH. That was my definition of her back in the day: a woman who travels the country telling women they should stay home. It was such an obvious, dishonest grift, but she made a good living off it. 

=&=

45 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Pretty hypocritical.  Kinda like those tradwives. 

Kinda like those who preach pro-life stances whilst taking away affordable healthcare and housing and a true livable wage (OOPS! there's my feminism showing(!!!), bringing this comment back on topic) .  And whilst being pro-death penalty.  

[peacheslatour]

1 hour ago, fastiller said:

=&=

=&=

Kinda like those who preach pro-life stances whilst taking away affordable healthcare and housing and a true livable wage (OOPS! there's my feminism showing(!!!), bringing this comment back on topic) .  And whilst being pro-death penalty.  

"The only moral abortion is MY abortion."

[Ohiopirate02]

38 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

"The only moral abortion is MY abortion."

They've actually moved the goalpost on this and the definition of the healthcare they receive is no longer an abortion. 

[RealHousewife]

4 hours ago, PRgal said:

Pretty hypocritical.  Kinda like those tradwives. 

Some of them seem pretty reasonable with saying they're not against women working, that sometimes it's the best thing for their families, etc. But it's crazy how many of them preach against women working entirely, especially while they make good money as influencers. So it's okay when they make money, but not when other women make money? Is being an influencer one of the few paths that's not a no-no? What about those of us who have no desire to be on camera and want our privacy? 

Also, spare me the noble act when you push MLM as a good route for mothers to stay at home. 

[PRgal]

On 10/20/2024 at 8:24 PM, JustHereForFood said:

I know there is this trend of "tradwife" influencers, but I usually see it when somebody complains about it or tries to reason why it's BS - these women are making money doing their own business while basically arguing against that concept. It sounds quite toxic and it's sad how popular it is becoming, same with those toxic male influencers.

I mean, if one likes it for aesthetic, you can get all of that without the backwards mentality. It's not like cooking, decorating homes and such ever went out of fashion. One can even make money in those industries without throwing half of the population under the bus.

Tradwives aren’t really all that different from celebrity chefs like Ree Drummond.  It’s just marketing.  And it makes Ree (and the OG of them all, Martha Stewart) look bad too (as I’ve said before). 

[Dimity]

[tearknee]

Of course, feminism, like any forces (Lenin sent on the 'sealed train' by Kaiser Bill to destabilize the PG and leading eventually to Red October and all the horror that flowed from it) once unleashed cannot be controlled anymore. Leading to women/AFAB parents doing things like this to their sons. "Amy" on feminist dot com is much gentler than i would be to the asshole who wrote her. Ditto to the moms and daughters who put their infant son/brother in the sister(s)/mom's old baby dresses and take photos (and refuse to accept his expression of consent when he is old enough -- even though he has legitimate fear of serious violence from his own male classmates and friends -- which given an important part of feminism is getting guys to accept our expressions of consent even if they do not like what may be...). It comes across as gleeful sadism and child abuse not 'love'.

https://www.feminist.com/askamy/girls/604_girls2.html 

[Anela]

Feminism is about equal rights.  About girls and women not being the property of a man.  

[Dimity]

[Anela]

On 12/9/2024 at 8:03 PM, PRgal said:

Tradwives aren’t really all that different from celebrity chefs like Ree Drummond.  It’s just marketing.  And it makes Ree (and the OG of them all, Martha Stewart) look bad too (as I’ve said before). 

ReevDrummond is also one of those bloggers turned food bloggers, who acted like they were simple ranchers, when I think her husband’s family are multi-millionaires.